View difference between Paste ID: 8yhD0NQ3 and BJCX5bVT

 •	Holy shit, surprise, you’re on a boat and you’re name’s Edward Kenway. You take over the boat, you fight some ships, the battle looks like it’s evenly matched, but it’s really not. A turncoat assassin kills some dude on your ship but then the lightning strikes and the ships are destroyed.
 •	Flashback to you in approx. 2-4 years ago in bed with your red-haired wife for some background plot, but there isn’t any actual plot, if you catch my meani… there’s no tits, why waste with the subtleties.
 •	Back to the present or whatever you’re sinking in the ocean and somehow managed to not drown even though you’ve had an unconscious flashback while you’re under the water and whatever man. You wake up and swim to the shore and then you find the turncoat assassin and this is the first time you hear the word “fuck” outside of the modern day story so that’s… significant, somehow? You kill the turncoat, steal his clothes because you’ve grown a bit too fond of food and then you rescue the literal embodiment of slipping on a banana peel with one foot while stepping on a rake and hitting yourself in the face with the handle with the other all the while missing the nail and hitting your thumb with the hammer. Ladies and gentlemen, Stede Bonnet.
 •	Now you’re in the actual present and you can never see your face even though mirrors exist and there’s this girl Melanie who I’m not entirely sure what her nationality is because she speaks fluent French and English and she’s red-haired BUT STILL NO TITS. CAUSATION DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL CORRELATION WHYYYYYY. Anyway you find out that you’re working for the hybrid movie-videogame subdivision of Abstergo called Abstergo Entertainment who made AC 3: Liberation. Hey, I bet this game will be good too!
 •	Anyway, you get a Bluetooth headset and a tablet and everyone hates you and HEY SHAUN AND REBECCA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE. You go up the elevator with Melanie and you meet Olivier and I want to kill him and then you go to your table and you meet John from IT and you don’t see his face and it’s not conspicuous at all and then you can find blue Post-It notes with QR codes on them and they don’t make sense AND WE’RE BACK IN THE OCULUS R-ANIMUS.
 •	As Bo Burnham once quizzed, what’s a pirate minus the ship? That’s basically you in Havana being creative and homeless and you conspire with Templars and you can end everything then and there, but you only want the gold and the Templars got the gold so… you know…
 •	Surprise, the Templars know that you aren’t the actual turncoat assassin and you’re put into chains with Adéwalé. You bond with him because after being in chains for a few days you completely understand slavery now and its waaay too easy to break out of the restraints and now you have a ship.
 •	Now you’re jerking around in Nassau and hi Blackbeard, where’s the beard. There are some other pirates you’ve never heard of unless you’re into pirate culture but you know whatever. “Hey let’s make Nassau a utopia,” someone says. “Sure it’s not like that’s never been tried and failed before,” says someone else and you and the other pirates have a Fixin’-Up-The-Place montage while “Funky Nassau" plays. You probably piss some people off but who cares lol.
 •	You infiltrate and kill a Frenchman (FORESHADOWING) at The Great Iguana and dis ma home now, bitch.
 •	Melanie tells you that you’ve been playing too long and you’re like “I don’t care about this part of the story” then you have to talk to good ol’ Garneau again and can I have a knife please and then you’re an expert hacker because you’re good at rotating lights around a ball or playing AC: Frogger Edition AND WE’RE BACK IN THE ANIMUS.
 •	You hang out with Mary Read/James Kidd who when I first saw her in Nassau the first thing that I said was “Oh, so that’s like a lady pirate. Eight points for gender equality, cool. Why are they calling her James?” You go to Tulum and don’t kill the assassins even though they’ll totally kill you and there you meet General Gobbledigook and surprise, you have Eagle Sense and you see the face of a dude called the Sage on a buried statue that you met in Havana and SHIT THE TEMPLARS ARE HERE. You kill ‘em all but it doesn’t matter, everyone still hates you. You flip ‘em the double bird as you walk away.
 •	You then start attacking forts which is arguably the best part of the game but you don’t care.
 •	Blackbeard dies and he drinks damnation or something but now you can watch him at 10/9 central on NBC now so whatever.
 •	Melanie yanks you back out and STILL NO TITS AND WE’RE BACK IN THE ANIMUS
 •	You get Jack Sparrow’d with Vane and he’s a total dick and whatever and you get off and meet up with Black Bart who totally isn’t John from IT, stop asking, and now it’s time to start killing your best friends because reasons. You go to Africa and do that and something something something better to be a commander than a common man.
 •	Now quit whining and swing-assassinate the captain without getting caught, bitch.
 •	You kill your best friend and whatever.
 •	Now we’re in the Observatory which is like the NSA’s wet dream and Mary Read and Anne Bonny and Jack Sparrow have a threesome BUT NO TITS. And surprise, the dide who’s immortal turns out to be a dick too.
 •	Now we’re in a cage and General Gobbledigook’s back and thanks for letting me out where’s my weapons oh you didn’t bring them THANKS. Mary Read dies and you’re supposed to care but whatever you know you don’t. LET’S GET HAMMERED. You wake up on the beach and you’re like “hey Adé get me a bacon sandwich for this hangover.” He’s like “yeah dude, there’s one in Tulum.”
 •	There’s not one in Tulum.
 •	Yeah sure, I’ll be an assassin now because reasons. Then you have to kill Ezio and there’s some other historical inaccuracy BUT WAIT IT’S OKAY HE SURVIVES. Rogers, not Ezio. He’s totally dead in a haystack.
 •	Now you’re in Africa again and you hang Roberts with the rope dart but you talk to him when he’s lying on the ground and whatever.
 •	Now you’re Indiana Jones in Havana and whatever and we fight a shark on land which was cool I guess.
 •	Now you’re back in NSA paradise and you kill Castro and you’re wife’s dead but you have a daughter who can’t understand what the difference is between a ship and a boat.
 •	Hey I was kidding Black Bart is totally John from IT but it’s okay he’s dead now.
 •	Someone killed Garneau? Fuckin’ A.
-•	Anne Bonny something something no tits The End.
+•	Anne Bonny something something no tits The End.