Smash rant I transcribed from youtube

Nintendo has always been on the forefront of character development, and have made numerous beautifully crafted stories that have really allowed their characters to grow and shine, like Legend of Zelda and Legend of Zelda. So for them to come out with characters flatter than this cardboard png I found on the internet, means nothing because the video doesn't give you an accurate portrayal of depth. Looking at all of these characters, it feels wrong that I know basically nothing about them except for their names. Look at this Mario and Luigi guy. I feel like there's a connection between these two. Is there? I'll never know. It feels like Nintendo just sat down at their corporate office and said, "Okay guys what if we put a bunch of random characters together, okay, and made them fight each other, okay, but the player, okay, won't know anything about them." "Yeah, okay, sounds good." It's like Nintendo just thought it'd be a good idea to make Smash Bros. the Nintendo universe water cooler where all the characters hang out and beat each other to death. Except now the issue is, I can't get attached to these characters. Metal Snake? Wh-who is that? Why is he here? Why do I care that he's here? Why is he beating this child? Where are this child's parents? How did we get to furries? This brings me to my next piece of criticism: too many pokemon. Seriously, why is literally half the roster pokemon? Let's look at melee's roster for a second to prove my point. Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Pichu, Mewtwo, Falco, Fox, Donkey Kong, Yoshi, and Samus. That's half the roster right there. Is there any way I can put some of these characters in a deposit box and forget about them, know what I'm sayin? (pokemon reference) It's bad enough that there's over four characters, which makes learning how to play the game so much harder than it actually has to be, but when over half of those characters are pokemon, you know like, what's the point? If I wanted to play pokemon, I'd fire up the gameboy advanced and play Hey You, Pikachu, the *best* pokemon game. Now, I have to admit, the story for this game is pretty decent. I really like how there isn't one, which leaves it to the player's imagination. You know, in 2018, I just feel like too many games have these overly convoluted and cinematic storylines that just make no sense, uh for example Fortnite. So it's a breath of fresh air, and I'm glad that Smash Bros. doesn't have that. It really just lets me focus on the game.

That being said, that does open the door for a glaring issue: where's the story? You know, in 2018, I just feel like too many games have these lackluster and underdeveloped stories where the developer says,"Oh well let's just leave it to the player to peace it together", for example you might consider Fortnite. But everything I've said so far is just mild criticism. The biggest grievance I have with Smash Bros. is that this game has a completely disingenuous approach to physics, borderline manipulative. It really takes the realism out of the game and it's so jarring after a while. Floating rocks? No no no, not on my watch, Nintendo. Does this company not even understand how rocks work? Or are they purposely misleading the youth of our generation to push their shady agenda? Look at this stage, okay, it probably weighs like a hundred pounds. Look at the dome in the background that's maybe made out of metal so maybe it has to weigh more. But why are they both floating, question mark? There's this term that's thrown around us game reviewers that makes us sound smart and it's called "Suspension of Disbelief." But the only thing I wanna suspend when looking at this floating rock nonsense is my life.