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- 1
- 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:25,103
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
- 2
- 00:00:30,266 --> 00:00:32,567
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- 3
- 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,670
- Bullshit!
- 4
- 00:00:36,672 --> 00:00:38,071
- MORGAN: No.
- 5
- 00:00:38,073 --> 00:00:40,108
- Since when?
- 6
- 00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:42,679
- (SIGHS) Since 15 years ago.
- 7
- 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,514
- Bullshit.
- 8
- 00:00:45,516 --> 00:00:46,681
- No, it's not.
- 9
- 00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:48,084
- Where's your ring?
- 10
- 00:00:51,955 --> 00:00:54,087
- Ha! I know a Cracker Jack prize
- 11
- 00:00:54,089 --> 00:00:56,090
- when I see one. Where is he, then?
- 12
- 00:00:56,092 --> 00:00:57,827
- He is in LA with a client right now.
- 13
- 00:00:57,829 --> 00:01:02,032
- Okay, well, where's your
- wedding-type snapshots
- 14
- 00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:05,467
- and, you know, pretty photos
- of you and this husband?
- 15
- 00:01:05,469 --> 00:01:07,770
- We host a lot of parties here,
- 16
- 00:01:07,772 --> 00:01:10,106
- and Grady thinks that personal
- artifacts are tacky, so that's why...
- 17
- 00:01:10,108 --> 00:01:11,473
- - G... Grady?
- - Yes.
- 18
- 00:01:11,475 --> 00:01:13,175
- His name is Grady? Come on.
- 19
- 00:01:13,177 --> 00:01:15,377
- Yes... Yes, Stensland, his name is Grady.
- 20
- 00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:18,146
- (LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY)
- 21
- 00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,381
- Bullshit! Ha! Nice try.
- 22
- 00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:23,051
- Jesus, I can't believe you, Morgan.
- 23
- 00:01:23,053 --> 00:01:24,820
- Where... Where are you going?
- 24
- 00:01:24,822 --> 00:01:27,156
- To expose the lack of man
- clothing in your closet
- 25
- 00:01:27,158 --> 00:01:28,592
- and prove that you're bullshitting.
- 26
- 00:01:30,128 --> 00:01:31,628
- What the fuck!
- 27
- 00:01:32,164 --> 00:01:34,166
- I'm married!
- 28
- 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,602
- Tell me you don't have
- kids. Were they watching us?
- 29
- 00:01:38,604 --> 00:01:40,903
- No. I don't... Why would
- I have my kids watching...
- 30
- 00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:42,572
- I don't have any kids.
- 31
- 00:01:42,574 --> 00:01:44,039
- You don't have kids because
- he's a violent drunk.
- 32
- 00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,742
- - No, we just...
- - He'd beat them.
- 33
- 00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,343
- Each other is all we've
- ever really wanted or needed,
- 34
- 00:01:47,345 --> 00:01:49,612
- so we don't have kids.
- 35
- 00:01:49,614 --> 00:01:54,052
- "Was." So, you'll be separated soon, right?
- 36
- 00:01:54,054 --> 00:01:55,487
- No.
- 37
- 00:01:56,989 --> 00:01:59,790
- Then what the fuck is this?
- 38
- 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:03,227
- You held my hand in the cab yesterday!
- 39
- 00:02:03,229 --> 00:02:05,963
- That isn't the action of a
- woman just looking for great sex
- 40
- 00:02:05,965 --> 00:02:10,569
- behind her hubby's back, that's a
- woman looking for Doctor Zhivago!
- 41
- 00:02:10,571 --> 00:02:12,138
- This...
- 42
- 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,175
- He cheated on me, okay?
- 43
- 00:02:17,177 --> 00:02:19,177
- He cheated on you?
- 44
- 00:02:19,179 --> 00:02:23,116
- And I held your hand yesterday
- because I like you, Stensland.
- 45
- 00:02:23,118 --> 00:02:27,353
- - Aw.
- - You know, I'm still... I'm still crushable.
- 46
- 00:02:29,121 --> 00:02:30,689
- "Crushable"?
- 47
- 00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:33,359
- You can't even say the
- word "love," can you?
- 48
- 00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:37,429
- You know, you can... You
- can free the penis now.
- 49
- 00:02:37,431 --> 00:02:39,430
- I mean, I've seen you
- naked for the past two days.
- 50
- 00:02:39,432 --> 00:02:42,868
- You've been seeing me naked
- under sheets and in limited light.
- 51
- 00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:45,272
- I've got very wide hips that make my unit
- 52
- 00:02:45,274 --> 00:02:47,239
- look a lot smaller than it actually is.
- 53
- 00:02:47,241 --> 00:02:48,942
- So it's like an optical illusion?
- 54
- 00:02:48,944 --> 00:02:51,678
- Yes! I've got bitch hips. Leave it be.
- 55
- 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,713
- Okay, listen. This was so much fun.
- 56
- 00:02:54,715 --> 00:02:56,582
- And so, thank you.
- 57
- 00:02:56,584 --> 00:03:02,223
- But this is the last time that we
- will be seeing each other, okay?
- 58
- 00:03:03,492 --> 00:03:06,528
- Good. I was testing you.
- 59
- 00:03:07,295 --> 00:03:09,095
- Oh, phew!
- 60
- 00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:11,031
- What a load off my mind.
- 61
- 00:03:11,033 --> 00:03:13,834
- Oh, you know, my biggest fear,
- 62
- 00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:16,036
- since we started hookin' up, baby,
- 63
- 00:03:16,038 --> 00:03:19,239
- was that you would think this
- was something more than fucking,
- 64
- 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,441
- like, God forbid, love.
- 65
- 00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,345
- - Love, love, love.
- - Listen, I...
- 66
- 00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:26,715
- I didn't want to hurt
- you. I'm really sorry.
- 67
- 00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:28,283
- You're sorry?
- 68
- 00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,787
- As for these...
- 69
- 00:03:32,789 --> 00:03:36,525
- Something tells me they're
- due for a dry cleaning.
- 70
- 00:03:36,527 --> 00:03:38,160
- Oh... What are you doing?
- 71
- 00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:39,894
- What is wrong with you?
- 72
- 00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,362
- Good day, madam.
- 73
- 00:03:41,364 --> 00:03:43,898
- Oh. Oh, that was real mature.
- 74
- 00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:45,734
- (SIGHS)
- 75
- 00:03:55,746 --> 00:03:56,747
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- 76
- 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,883
- (SOBBING)
- 77
- 00:04:03,421 --> 00:04:05,489
- (STENSLAND CONTINUES SOBBING)
- 78
- 00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:11,763
- What?
- 79
- 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,400
- "Crushable"?
- 80
- 00:04:18,338 --> 00:04:20,269
- How dare she?
- 81
- 00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:21,704
- COUNTER GIRL: All right, the usual.
- 82
- 00:04:21,706 --> 00:04:24,141
- One pink scone, one strawberry milk.
- 83
- 00:04:24,143 --> 00:04:25,540
- So $4.53.
- 84
- 00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:27,076
- (STENSLAND CRYING)
- 85
- 00:04:27,078 --> 00:04:28,679
- You, uh... You doing all right, Stensland?
- 86
- 00:04:31,348 --> 00:04:34,351
- Could someone let me borrow 53 cents?
- 87
- 00:04:40,293 --> 00:04:42,361
- (SNIFFLING)
- 88
- 00:04:52,339 --> 00:04:54,341
- (SPEAKS PUNJABI)
- 89
- 00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,075
- Sweet Christ, not now.
- 90
- 00:04:57,077 --> 00:04:59,646
- Woman, I don't know what you're saying!
- 91
- 00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:01,513
- No, not a single decipherable word!
- 92
- 00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:04,251
- It's the same puzzling dance every day!
- 93
- 00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,652
- Shut up!
- 94
- 00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:17,162
- You're not the smartest,
- you're not the coolest,
- 95
- 00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,564
- you're not the best-looking,
- 96
- 00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,466
- but God damn it, you are something.
- 97
- 00:05:21,468 --> 00:05:24,103
- You've got something that attracts people.
- 98
- 00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:27,741
- You've got something
- that attracts the ladies.
- 99
- 00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:30,209
- They don't know what it is,
- you don't know what it is,
- 100
- 00:05:30,211 --> 00:05:35,916
- but it's there, cocooned,
- growing and learning.
- 101
- 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,687
- And one day, you'll bloom
- into a big, beautiful condor
- 102
- 00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:43,322
- that people will respect and fear.
- 103
- 00:05:43,324 --> 00:05:47,962
- "I can't believe that used
- to be Stensland," they'll say.
- 104
- 00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:51,465
- "I can't believe that
- used to be Stensland."
- 105
- 00:06:07,381 --> 00:06:09,482
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- 106
- 00:06:14,523 --> 00:06:16,391
- Hello, old friend.
- 107
- 00:06:23,701 --> 00:06:25,300
- - <i>Go ahead.</i>
- - (DOOR OPENING)
- 108
- 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,103
- Oh, great episode.
- 109
- 00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:29,905
- LYLE: Stensland? Oh, you are here.
- 110
- 00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:32,507
- Hey.
- 111
- 00:06:32,509 --> 00:06:33,673
- Hey.
- 112
- 00:06:33,675 --> 00:06:35,712
- Nah, I'm... I'm good.
- 113
- 00:06:35,714 --> 00:06:37,780
- I thought you said you were going
- to stop smoking during the day?
- 114
- 00:06:37,782 --> 00:06:40,048
- Oh, look, my dead mom's back. Great.
- 115
- 00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,650
- My God, what's the matter with you?
- 116
- 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,222
- (SIGHS) Morgan dumped me, okay?
- 117
- 00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,522
- She's married.
- 118
- 00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,659
- Is that the older lady you
- met at the furniture store?
- 119
- 00:06:49,661 --> 00:06:52,527
- Don't make her sound like
- Jessica Tandy. She's in her July.
- 120
- 00:06:52,529 --> 00:06:55,664
- Whatever, man. At least
- you got sex without strings.
- 121
- 00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,633
- I want strings.
- 122
- 00:06:57,635 --> 00:07:00,504
- I want commitment and mutual adoration.
- 123
- 00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:03,105
- I want to pass the bong
- to someone with boobs.
- 124
- 00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:05,675
- I want the danger of
- forgetting anniversaries
- 125
- 00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,278
- and the pain of holding in farts
- 126
- 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,811
- because someone is sharing my bed.
- 127
- 00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:12,014
- - I want a girlfriend, Lyle.
- - I know, I know.
- 128
- 00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,785
- I'm sorry to change the subject,
- 129
- 00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:16,353
- but you noticed the cardboard boxes, right?
- 130
- 00:07:16,355 --> 00:07:17,821
- Did you drink and eBay?
- 131
- 00:07:17,823 --> 00:07:20,458
- No, I started moving over to Linda's.
- 132
- 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:22,225
- Already?
- 133
- 00:07:22,227 --> 00:07:24,361
- You need to find another roommate, man.
- 134
- 00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:25,596
- (SNIFFS) Is this mine?
- 135
- 00:07:25,598 --> 00:07:27,597
- I like you.
- 136
- 00:07:27,599 --> 00:07:31,503
- I like you, too, buddy, just
- not as much as Linda. I love her.
- 137
- 00:07:31,505 --> 00:07:32,904
- All right, well, I'm out of here
- 138
- 00:07:32,906 --> 00:07:34,906
- a week from tomorrow, next Monday.
- 139
- 00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:38,241
- So find another roommate, Stens.
- 140
- 00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:39,743
- God damn it.
- 141
- 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:43,147
- (SIGHS)
- 142
- 00:07:43,149 --> 00:07:45,583
- JOEY: (ON TV) <i>...life
- imitating art imitating life?</i>
- 143
- 00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:51,624
- <i>...and maybe, you know,
- it's not part of the plan.</i>
- 144
- 00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:53,258
- <i>Then again, I never thought that</i>
- 145
- 00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:56,061
- <i>losing you was part
- of the plan, either.</i>
- 146
- 00:07:56,063 --> 00:07:58,131
- Oh...
- 147
- 00:07:58,133 --> 00:08:01,467
- <i>I think sometimes you have
- to lose somebody completely</i>
- 148
- 00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:04,203
- <i>before you can figure out
- what they really mean to you.</i>
- 149
- 00:08:04,205 --> 00:08:05,571
- (SIGHS)
- 150
- 00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:09,441
- Oh, D-dog, laying down the truth.
- 151
- 00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:10,975
- MORGAN: (ON ANSWERING
- MACHINE) <i>Hi, it's me...</i>
- 152
- 00:08:10,977 --> 00:08:12,678
- Oh, Jesus!
- 153
- 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,180
- Morgan, would you please call me back?
- 154
- 00:08:14,182 --> 00:08:16,884
- I worry I'm beginning to look desperate.
- 155
- 00:08:16,886 --> 00:08:19,219
- LYLE: Phew! It smells bad in here.
- 156
- 00:08:19,221 --> 00:08:20,387
- What are you doing?
- 157
- 00:08:20,389 --> 00:08:21,755
- Oh...
- 158
- 00:08:21,757 --> 00:08:23,658
- I'm, uh, relaxing.
- 159
- 00:08:24,393 --> 00:08:25,791
- What about work?
- 160
- 00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,027
- Oh, I'm on leave.
- 161
- 00:08:28,129 --> 00:08:29,695
- You're not in the Navy.
- 162
- 00:08:29,697 --> 00:08:31,264
- You work six-hour shifts
- at an antique shop.
- 163
- 00:08:31,266 --> 00:08:33,098
- - Why do you need a leave?
- - My breakup!
- 164
- 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,570
- For Christ's sake, man.
- Was the sex that good?
- 165
- 00:08:35,572 --> 00:08:38,139
- Good? It was transcendent, Lyle.
- 166
- 00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:41,442
- My spiritual self is
- still making an O-face.
- 167
- 00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:42,976
- But I'm not mourning the sex.
- 168
- 00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:44,979
- I'm mourning what we might have been.
- 169
- 00:08:44,981 --> 00:08:48,083
- That tiny taste of affection
- has made it very evident to me
- 170
- 00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:50,316
- that something's missing from my life.
- 171
- 00:08:50,318 --> 00:08:53,622
- Okay. I'm just surprised the
- store gave you this much time off.
- 172
- 00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:55,757
- Well...
- 173
- 00:08:55,759 --> 00:08:59,594
- This is more like one of those
- self-allotted time-out leaves, you know?
- 174
- 00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,331
- What? Go to work!
- 175
- 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,431
- Stensland! I'm going to be
- totally moved out tomorrow.
- 176
- 00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:04,734
- You said I had till Monday.
- 177
- 00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:06,500
- Tomorrow is Monday, man.
- 178
- 00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:09,171
- - Tomorrow's Monday?
- - Tomorrow's Monday. Come on.
- 179
- 00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:13,810
- Shit. This chiba is unforgiving.
- 180
- 00:09:15,212 --> 00:09:17,045
- (SHIP HORN BLOWING)
- 181
- 00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:41,971
- (SIGHS)
- 182
- 00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:46,242
- (EXHALES HEAVILY)
- 183
- 00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:55,019
- Ah, Mr. Laframboise.
- 184
- 00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:57,756
- I was just mulling a
- froYo break. You want one?
- 185
- 00:09:58,758 --> 00:10:00,424
- This is the last check.
- 186
- 00:10:00,426 --> 00:10:03,862
- You don't showing up one
- week, no call, no nothing!
- 187
- 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:07,463
- Wait a minute, are we doing a
- scene from <i>The Pawnbroker?</i>
- 188
- 00:10:07,465 --> 00:10:10,766
- Mr. Laframboise, are you back
- in acting class? That's great.
- 189
- 00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:13,103
- - Get out!
- - Oh, okay, all right.
- 190
- 00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:15,573
- You're a passionate bear,
- you're upset, I get it.
- 191
- 00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:18,343
- I need to work on my
- communication skills, that's clear.
- 192
- 00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:20,878
- But I'm pretty sure I was
- already due a vacation week,
- 193
- 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,247
- so can we just sit back, relax,
- 194
- 00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:24,816
- I'll put on some jasmine tea, chill out...
- 195
- 00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,282
- - PIERCE: Sir?
- - What?
- 196
- 00:10:26,284 --> 00:10:28,619
- I think this varnish may have turned,
- 197
- 00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:32,424
- and I would hate to compromise the
- honesty of that Victorian end table.
- 198
- 00:10:32,426 --> 00:10:34,060
- Sorry, am I interrupting?
- 199
- 00:10:35,696 --> 00:10:37,096
- Who the fuck is this?
- 200
- 00:10:37,098 --> 00:10:38,696
- New Stensland.
- 201
- 00:10:38,698 --> 00:10:41,767
- There's no other Stensland.
- How could you say that?
- 202
- 00:10:41,769 --> 00:10:43,635
- Um, my name is Pierce.
- 203
- 00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:46,806
- Mr. Laframboise, your
- assumption that my absence
- 204
- 00:10:46,808 --> 00:10:49,142
- is barren of a logical
- explanation offends me.
- 205
- 00:10:49,144 --> 00:10:51,744
- - We're closer than this.
- - No, we're not.
- 206
- 00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,779
- Okay, look, here's what happened.
- 207
- 00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:57,115
- I was sideswiped by a nasty
- cyclone known as "woman."
- 208
- 00:10:57,117 --> 00:11:01,020
- Lost aimlessly in her deceit,
- and it stung like a biatch.
- 209
- 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:04,926
- So, please, just give me another chance.
- 210
- 00:11:05,694 --> 00:11:07,295
- Fuck you!
- 211
- 00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:20,940
- Morgan!
- 212
- 00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:28,215
- Morgan!
- 213
- 00:11:28,217 --> 00:11:30,050
- HANNAH: Hey! Hey, asshole! Come back here!
- 214
- 00:11:30,052 --> 00:11:32,052
- - STENSLAND: Morgan!
- - HANNAH: You can't go in there.
- 215
- 00:11:32,054 --> 00:11:33,355
- STENSLAND: Morgan!
- 216
- 00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:36,255
- Stensland.
- 217
- 00:11:36,257 --> 00:11:38,792
- She remembers my name. Shocker.
- 218
- 00:11:38,794 --> 00:11:40,427
- I'm calling security.
- 219
- 00:11:40,429 --> 00:11:42,029
- No, no. No, it's okay.
- No, it's okay. We're okay.
- 220
- 00:11:42,031 --> 00:11:43,465
- You know this guy?
- 221
- 00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,699
- Yeah, no, no. I'll handle it. It's okay.
- 222
- 00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:47,737
- Moneypenny, could you order us
- up some sandwiches and lemonade?
- 223
- 00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:49,137
- This'll take a while.
- 224
- 00:11:49,139 --> 00:11:51,040
- - No, it won't.
- - STENSLAND: Yes, it will.
- 225
- 00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:52,508
- Thank you, Hannah.
- Thanks, honey. I got this.
- 226
- 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:55,142
- Yeah, no, no, this is, um... Stensland.
- 227
- 00:11:55,144 --> 00:11:58,713
- It's not a thing at all. It's just a, um...
- 228
- 00:11:58,715 --> 00:12:00,884
- - Okay.
- - Thanks, honey.
- 229
- 00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:04,953
- - What do you want?
- - "What do you want?"
- 230
- 00:12:04,955 --> 00:12:06,688
- We made love a week ago.
- 231
- 00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:09,324
- I'm no dildo you wipe off
- and put back in the drawer.
- 232
- 00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:11,026
- Why haven't you called me back?
- 233
- 00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:13,430
- Because that was it.
- 234
- 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,230
- It was a one-time thing.
- 235
- 00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:17,233
- I don't care if you're married, Morgan.
- 236
- 00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,570
- - I still love you. You love me, it's just...
- - What?
- 237
- 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,405
- What does that even mean?
- 238
- 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,275
- It means let's keep on keepin' on.
- 239
- 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,742
- Let's ride this naughty little secret.
- 240
- 00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:28,176
- No.
- 241
- 00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:30,747
- Why? Isn't he cheating on you, too?
- 242
- 00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:32,815
- I don't know.
- 243
- 00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:33,882
- Oh...
- 244
- 00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,721
- Now you don't know!
- 245
- 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,960
- Is that him?
- 246
- 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:46,565
- MORGAN: Yes.
- 247
- 00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:48,431
- STENSLAND: He has a moustache?
- 248
- 00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,501
- MORGAN: Yes.
- 249
- 00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:56,306
- I want $15,000, or I'm gonna tell him.
- 250
- 00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,309
- Mmm?
- 251
- 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,780
- (SCOFFS) I'm sorry.
- 252
- 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,282
- I'm sorry, you're... You're
- gonna have to repeat that.
- 253
- 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,216
- What?
- 254
- 00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:09,587
- I demand you pay me $15,000,
- 255
- 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:13,191
- or I'm gonna find Grady
- and tell him everything.
- 256
- 00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:17,294
- (LAUGHS)
- 257
- 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,431
- What the hell are you doing, Stens?
- 258
- 00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,601
- "Stens," she says! Using the
- abridged pet name to disarm me.
- 259
- 00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:24,437
- - You're scared.
- - Really?
- 260
- 00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:26,438
- Grady's a criminal defense lawyer.
- 261
- 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,808
- I doubt he will believe
- that I slept with you.
- 262
- 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,043
- Okay?
- 263
- 00:13:30,045 --> 00:13:31,778
- Oh, he'll believe me, all right.
- 264
- 00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:35,048
- Why? Did you record us or something?
- 265
- 00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,884
- No, but I have evidence of passion.
- 266
- 00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:39,651
- Remember this?
- 267
- 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:43,054
- "Kiss me between my
- shoulder blades, Stensland."
- 268
- 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,055
- And remember this?
- 269
- 00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:48,494
- "Rub my ass like this when you're
- going down on me, Stensland."
- 270
- 00:13:48,496 --> 00:13:49,963
- And what about this?
- 271
- 00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:51,631
- Will this be evidence enough
- 272
- 00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,434
- when I explain to Grady
- in graphic, carnal detail
- 273
- 00:13:54,436 --> 00:13:58,104
- that shaky little twitch
- dance you do when you come?
- 274
- 00:13:58,106 --> 00:14:00,040
- How does the chirp go?
- 275
- 00:14:00,042 --> 00:14:02,442
- (IMITATES MOANING)
- 276
- 00:14:07,951 --> 00:14:10,250
- You don't get it, do you?
- 277
- 00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:11,185
- What?
- 278
- 00:14:11,187 --> 00:14:13,056
- I already told him.
- 279
- 00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:14,988
- Bullshit.
- 280
- 00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,956
- No, I did.
- 281
- 00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:19,894
- You see, I was...
- 282
- 00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,363
- I was looking for someone
- to have an affair with,
- 283
- 00:14:22,365 --> 00:14:24,565
- so I could throw it in his face
- 284
- 00:14:24,567 --> 00:14:28,201
- to show him that I'm not
- just gonna sit here and smile
- 285
- 00:14:28,203 --> 00:14:29,772
- while he tunes out our marriage
- 286
- 00:14:29,774 --> 00:14:32,074
- and does God knows what
- he's doing out there.
- 287
- 00:14:32,076 --> 00:14:34,542
- Mm-hmm, and, uh, what did he say?
- 288
- 00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:37,781
- He said a lot of stuff
- that's none of your business.
- 289
- 00:14:37,783 --> 00:14:39,615
- But we're gonna work it out.
- 290
- 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:43,252
- - You're going to work it out?
- - Yeah.
- 291
- 00:14:43,254 --> 00:14:46,687
- Kid, I hate to crush your spirit here,
- 292
- 00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:49,058
- but you're forcing me to.
- 293
- 00:14:50,427 --> 00:14:52,259
- You're my pawn.
- 294
- 00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:56,097
- You're like my little revenge marionette.
- 295
- 00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,370
- (SCOFFS)
- 296
- 00:15:00,372 --> 00:15:03,074
- You haven't told him
- diddly squat, have you?
- 297
- 00:15:03,876 --> 00:15:05,274
- (STENSLAND SCOFFS)
- 298
- 00:15:05,276 --> 00:15:07,009
- Stensland holds all the cards.
- 299
- 00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:08,878
- 15 grand, sweetheart,
- 300
- 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,813
- or me and Grady are going
- to sit down and talk turkey.
- 301
- 00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:13,282
- Good day, madam.
- 302
- 00:15:14,152 --> 00:15:15,319
- Oh, look!
- 303
- 00:15:16,887 --> 00:15:21,258
- Uh-oh. The little pitcher has
- big ears. <i>Yenta, yenta.</i>
- 304
- 00:15:22,294 --> 00:15:24,229
- Who the fuck is that?
- 305
- 00:15:27,334 --> 00:15:28,334
- (KNOCKING)
- 306
- 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,834
- - Hey.
- - Are you all right?
- 307
- 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,837
- Yeah, no, I'm good. Um...
- 308
- 00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:36,807
- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) How
- much of that did you hear?
- 309
- 00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:38,007
- None of it.
- 310
- 00:15:38,009 --> 00:15:39,343
- Oh, okay.
- 311
- 00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:41,044
- A little.
- 312
- 00:15:41,046 --> 00:15:42,179
- (EXHALES)
- 313
- 00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:44,748
- Okay, I heard everything.
- 314
- 00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,684
- You slept with that guy?
- 315
- 00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:48,786
- Oh, Hannah, I was in the
- store, and I was depressed,
- 316
- 00:15:48,788 --> 00:15:52,290
- and I was thinking about,
- like, "Who the hell is Grady?"
- 317
- 00:15:52,292 --> 00:15:54,758
- and, "Why the hell am I in the store?"
- 318
- 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,828
- And then this kid comes up
- 319
- 00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,999
- and starts flirting with me like
- I'm Princess Grace or something.
- 320
- 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,935
- (SIGHS) Now I have a stalker.
- 321
- 00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:06,104
- It's like, of course I sleep
- with the one guy on the planet
- 322
- 00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:10,376
- who's pissed off that his one-night
- stand isn't just a one-night stand.
- 323
- 00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:12,912
- Don't sweat it, okay?
- 324
- 00:16:12,914 --> 00:16:15,181
- You already told Grady, so...
- 325
- 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,517
- - No.
- - You haven't told Grady?
- 326
- 00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:21,989
- Yeah, you're screwed.
- 327
- 00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,162
- (SIGHS)
- 328
- 00:16:29,164 --> 00:16:32,197
- Balls of wonder, balls of might...
- 329
- 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,666
- (PHONE BEEPING)
- 330
- 00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,172
- SECRETARY: <i>Law offices
- of Dott and Rosen.</i>
- 331
- 00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:40,407
- Grady Dott, please.
- 332
- 00:16:40,409 --> 00:16:42,609
- <i>I'm sorry, he's out of the office.
- Would you like his voicemail?</i>
- 333
- 00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,345
- No, no, no, patch me
- through to his personal cell.
- 334
- 00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:45,812
- This is an emergency.
- 335
- 00:16:45,814 --> 00:16:47,514
- - <i>Your name?</i>
- - Stensland.
- 336
- 00:16:47,516 --> 00:16:49,951
- - <i>Please hold.</i>
- - Mmm-hmm.
- 337
- 00:16:49,953 --> 00:16:52,653
- <i>Mr. Stensland, what's
- this concerning?</i>
- 338
- 00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:56,123
- Uh, I fucked his wife many times?
- 339
- 00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:58,160
- - <i>Please hold.</i>
- - Uh-huh.
- 340
- 00:16:59,295 --> 00:17:01,929
- Yeah, no baloney. Come on.
- 341
- 00:17:01,931 --> 00:17:03,597
- GRADY: <i>This is Grady Dott.</i>
- 342
- 00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:06,535
- Mr. Dott, my name is Stensland.
- 343
- 00:17:06,537 --> 00:17:09,304
- I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed
- diamond in the rough
- 344
- 00:17:09,306 --> 00:17:11,305
- with no foreseeable
- opportunities for financial
- 345
- 00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:13,441
- or personal success until my death.
- 346
- 00:17:13,443 --> 00:17:17,144
- It's my sad duty to inform you that
- I met your wife, Morgan, last week
- 347
- 00:17:17,146 --> 00:17:19,114
- in Soft Solutions Fine Furnishings,
- 348
- 00:17:19,116 --> 00:17:21,782
- whereupon she took me back to
- your home and made love to me.
- 349
- 00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:23,886
- At no point over the
- weekend did she inform me
- 350
- 00:17:23,888 --> 00:17:25,520
- that she was maritally
- or otherwise spoken for...
- 351
- 00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,856
- - <i>Stensland?</i>
- - Yeah?
- 352
- 00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:29,759
- <i>She told me.</i>
- 353
- 00:17:29,761 --> 00:17:31,595
- Oh.
- 354
- 00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:35,130
- <i>Now I'm going to find you,
- and I'm going to kill you.</i>
- 355
- 00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:36,665
- (LINE DISCONNECTS)
- 356
- 00:17:38,735 --> 00:17:41,204
- (SIRENS WAILING)
- 357
- 00:17:44,877 --> 00:17:47,579
- (HELICOPTER HOVERING OVERHEAD)
- 358
- 00:17:54,819 --> 00:17:57,088
- ELLA: You need to find
- yourself a girl your own age.
- 359
- 00:17:57,090 --> 00:18:00,156
- One who hasn't already been
- fucked up by some other asshole,
- 360
- 00:18:00,158 --> 00:18:04,359
- so you can fuck her up your own
- damn self, your own damn way.
- 361
- 00:18:04,361 --> 00:18:07,298
- Ella, Internet dating has turned you cold.
- 362
- 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,031
- She's right. This Morgan's a mess.
- 363
- 00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:11,770
- Stay sane, stay away.
- 364
- 00:18:11,772 --> 00:18:14,038
- - Spend that love on a woman who wants it.
- - Amen.
- 365
- 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,473
- That's right.
- 366
- 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:18,975
- Hit me with it straight, Denise.
- 367
- 00:18:18,977 --> 00:18:21,846
- Coast is clear. No one's
- outside your apartment, doll.
- 368
- 00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:24,580
- Typical. That chump
- ain't gonna fight for her.
- 369
- 00:18:24,582 --> 00:18:26,984
- Ladies, let's get shit-faced.
- 370
- 00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:28,219
- (LAUGHING)
- 371
- 00:18:34,929 --> 00:18:36,327
- (GROANS)
- 372
- 00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:53,012
- (EXCLAIMS)
- 373
- 00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:55,247
- You've fucked your last wife, Stensland.
- 374
- 00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:57,382
- Stensland?
- 375
- 00:18:57,384 --> 00:18:58,751
- No, no, no. Sir, my name isn't Stensland.
- 376
- 00:18:58,753 --> 00:19:00,788
- My name is Grady.
- 377
- 00:19:01,823 --> 00:19:02,957
- Wrong.
- 378
- 00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:04,524
- Oh, God!
- 379
- 00:19:04,526 --> 00:19:06,792
- - (GUN CLICKS)
- - (WHIMPERING) Don't! God...
- 380
- 00:19:06,794 --> 00:19:08,428
- (CRYING)
- 381
- 00:19:13,102 --> 00:19:15,101
- Oh, God...
- 382
- 00:19:15,103 --> 00:19:17,703
- Hey, guy, the gun was
- just to fuck with you.
- 383
- 00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:19,839
- So you're not gonna kill me?
- 384
- 00:19:19,841 --> 00:19:22,341
- No. My receptionist was listening
- in when I threatened you,
- 385
- 00:19:22,343 --> 00:19:24,210
- which means I'd have to kill her as well.
- 386
- 00:19:24,212 --> 00:19:26,947
- And there's no way I'm
- breaking in a new receptionist.
- 387
- 00:19:26,949 --> 00:19:28,914
- No, sir.
- 388
- 00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:31,818
- I am, however, going to kick
- the ever-loving shit out of you.
- 389
- 00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:35,089
- (SOBS) No, please...
- 390
- 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,991
- Please don't kick the
- ever-loving shit out of me.
- 391
- 00:19:38,993 --> 00:19:40,294
- What are you doing?
- 392
- 00:19:40,296 --> 00:19:42,028
- I just... I bruise so easily.
- 393
- 00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:43,663
- Come on.
- 394
- 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,536
- Huh...
- 395
- 00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:49,471
- - Just don't...
- - You've urinated in your shorts.
- 396
- 00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:52,741
- Yes! You pointed a gun at my
- face, and I already had to go.
- 397
- 00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,808
- Jesus, Morgan!
- 398
- 00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:57,212
- This is bullshit.
- 399
- 00:19:57,214 --> 00:19:58,514
- She really knows how to pick 'em.
- 400
- 00:19:58,516 --> 00:20:00,114
- She picked you to cheat with?
- 401
- 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,584
- Yes. Are you still
- kicking the shit out of me?
- 402
- 00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:05,488
- Yes, so just sit there and shut up.
- 403
- 00:20:09,326 --> 00:20:11,562
- Jesus Christ, your apartment looks like
- 404
- 00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,797
- the cargo hold of a pirate ship.
- 405
- 00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:14,931
- Thank you.
- 406
- 00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:16,431
- It's not a compliment, dumbass.
- 407
- 00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:18,468
- This is literally a shit hole.
- 408
- 00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,036
- It stinks.
- 409
- 00:20:20,038 --> 00:20:21,937
- What is that, beef chow
- mein from last week?
- 410
- 00:20:21,939 --> 00:20:24,440
- And your bong water spilled everywhere?
- 411
- 00:20:24,442 --> 00:20:26,910
- And now it smells like your cowardly urine.
- 412
- 00:20:26,912 --> 00:20:28,411
- It smells like man.
- 413
- 00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:31,280
- Don't call yourself that in front of me.
- 414
- 00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,516
- (SNIFFS)
- 415
- 00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:36,318
- Huh.
- 416
- 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,587
- I'll be damned.
- 417
- 00:20:38,589 --> 00:20:40,723
- I didn't realize they still made those.
- 418
- 00:20:40,725 --> 00:20:43,459
- "Shanty. Irish Mulligan Stew."
- 419
- 00:20:43,461 --> 00:20:45,128
- Hey, don't rag it.
- 420
- 00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:47,865
- That is a hearty bouillon
- at an affordable price.
- 421
- 00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:49,700
- I know what it is.
- 422
- 00:20:49,702 --> 00:20:52,201
- It's all I ate when I was
- poor and pathetic like you.
- 423
- 00:20:52,203 --> 00:20:54,905
- Well, the tradition continues.
- 424
- 00:20:59,512 --> 00:21:00,945
- What happened in your shorts?
- 425
- 00:21:01,581 --> 00:21:03,781
- It's a twosie.
- 426
- 00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,016
- (CRIES)
- 427
- 00:21:05,953 --> 00:21:07,686
- Mmm, mmm.
- 428
- 00:21:08,954 --> 00:21:10,588
- Mmm, that was good.
- 429
- 00:21:11,725 --> 00:21:13,458
- Okay, so level with me.
- 430
- 00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:16,292
- Did Morgan pay you to tell me you had sex?
- 431
- 00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:20,199
- STENSLAND: No. And I didn't
- know she was married either.
- 432
- 00:21:20,201 --> 00:21:21,532
- Yeah.
- 433
- 00:21:21,534 --> 00:21:25,203
- Hey, why did you cheat on her?
- 434
- 00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:29,207
- I didn't cheat on her. God...
- 435
- 00:21:29,209 --> 00:21:32,377
- She picked up a scent of
- perfume on one of my shirts,
- 436
- 00:21:32,379 --> 00:21:34,313
- so that got her to thinking,
- 437
- 00:21:34,315 --> 00:21:36,581
- and you know what happens when
- vexed women start thinking.
- 438
- 00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,350
- Civilizations fall, son.
- 439
- 00:21:39,352 --> 00:21:40,985
- You can bank on that.
- 440
- 00:21:40,987 --> 00:21:43,254
- So after a couple of
- business trips ran long,
- 441
- 00:21:43,256 --> 00:21:47,394
- the logical conclusion to her
- irrational female intellect
- 442
- 00:21:47,396 --> 00:21:50,263
- was that I was in fact cheating.
- 443
- 00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:51,732
- Typical women.
- 444
- 00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:54,935
- A brother can't even be late and tired.
- 445
- 00:21:54,937 --> 00:21:56,503
- (STENSLAND GROANS)
- 446
- 00:21:56,505 --> 00:21:57,838
- That's for sure.
- 447
- 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,739
- Oh, we give them our hearts,
- 448
- 00:21:59,741 --> 00:22:02,643
- our penises, and still
- they do not trust us.
- 449
- 00:22:02,645 --> 00:22:04,379
- (STENSLAND VOMITING)
- 450
- 00:22:06,081 --> 00:22:07,614
- That was a good one.
- 451
- 00:22:07,616 --> 00:22:09,716
- The old shower vomit.
- 452
- 00:22:09,718 --> 00:22:11,752
- Yeah, I miss those days.
- 453
- 00:22:11,754 --> 00:22:13,688
- (STENSLAND COUGHING)
- 454
- 00:22:13,690 --> 00:22:15,555
- GRADY: Yeah, I mean,
- after 15 years of marriage,
- 455
- 00:22:15,557 --> 00:22:17,357
- it's not so hot anymore.
- 456
- 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,559
- Do I get the urge to mess
- around with other women?
- 457
- 00:22:19,561 --> 00:22:21,396
- Of course I do.
- 458
- 00:22:21,398 --> 00:22:23,263
- You can't control what goes
- through this mastermind.
- 459
- 00:22:23,265 --> 00:22:25,432
- No.
- 460
- 00:22:25,434 --> 00:22:28,270
- That'd go against the very nature of
- man, the very essence of evolution.
- 461
- 00:22:28,272 --> 00:22:31,272
- When I get the desire to bang some strange,
- 462
- 00:22:31,274 --> 00:22:34,375
- I just go find a quiet place, rub one out.
- 463
- 00:22:34,377 --> 00:22:36,712
- Hence, desire quenched.
- 464
- 00:22:36,714 --> 00:22:38,848
- Hey, you don't have to
- tell me about quenches.
- 465
- 00:22:38,850 --> 00:22:41,852
- I desire my quench all the fuckin' time.
- 466
- 00:22:42,686 --> 00:22:44,319
- But you don't hate me?
- 467
- 00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,620
- No, I don't hate you.
- 468
- 00:22:46,622 --> 00:22:48,524
- Morgan's a beautiful woman.
- 469
- 00:22:49,558 --> 00:22:51,593
- What are you gonna do?
- 470
- 00:22:51,595 --> 00:22:53,763
- Ah, don't worry about me.
- 471
- 00:22:53,765 --> 00:22:55,599
- Just get some rest.
- 472
- 00:23:12,450 --> 00:23:14,550
- (JACKHAMMER DRILLING)
- 473
- 00:23:16,487 --> 00:23:18,086
- (GROANS)
- 474
- 00:23:20,491 --> 00:23:21,959
- (GROANS)
- 475
- 00:23:34,038 --> 00:23:35,672
- (CLATTERING)
- 476
- 00:23:40,278 --> 00:23:41,845
- What the...
- 477
- 00:23:49,155 --> 00:23:53,624
- Ah, there's the ol' lush, sleeping in.
- 478
- 00:23:53,626 --> 00:23:55,661
- (CHUCKLES)
- 479
- 00:23:55,663 --> 00:23:58,096
- Oh, I hope you don't mind, I took
- a couple of hits off the bong.
- 480
- 00:23:58,098 --> 00:24:01,765
- I hadn't gotten high since The
- Stones' "Bridges To Babylon" Tour.
- 481
- 00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:03,968
- - Yeah.
- - How do you like your eggs?
- 482
- 00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:05,102
- Um...
- 483
- 00:24:05,104 --> 00:24:06,303
- Scrambled?
- 484
- 00:24:06,305 --> 00:24:07,939
- Scrambled it is.
- 485
- 00:24:07,941 --> 00:24:09,873
- Four out of five American
- men prefer scrambled.
- 486
- 00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:13,546
- Over there in Europe,
- they're all about the poach.
- 487
- 00:24:13,548 --> 00:24:15,816
- Those guys are such pussies.
- 488
- 00:24:16,283 --> 00:24:17,682
- Bacon?
- 489
- 00:24:17,684 --> 00:24:19,584
- Uh, sure.
- 490
- 00:24:19,586 --> 00:24:22,055
- I had bacon? And eggs?
- 491
- 00:24:22,057 --> 00:24:24,657
- No. I went out and picked up a few things.
- 492
- 00:24:24,659 --> 00:24:26,692
- Yeah, including some luggage.
- 493
- 00:24:26,694 --> 00:24:28,895
- No, that was in the car.
- 494
- 00:24:30,263 --> 00:24:33,364
- So, you left her.
- 495
- 00:24:33,366 --> 00:24:36,737
- Temporarily. She'll
- feel more guilt that way.
- 496
- 00:24:36,739 --> 00:24:38,739
- - (PHONE RINGS)
- - (CHUCKLES) Ooh! Ah...
- 497
- 00:24:38,741 --> 00:24:42,608
- There she is. "Decline."
- 498
- 00:24:42,610 --> 00:24:45,979
- Oh, you know what? I saw this
- article on the refrigerator.
- 499
- 00:24:45,981 --> 00:24:50,015
- Piqued my curiosity. "Men's
- Life Crisis at Age 25."
- 500
- 00:24:50,017 --> 00:24:52,419
- Yeah, that's what's wrong with me.
- 501
- 00:24:52,421 --> 00:24:55,454
- There is now a life crisis
- before the mid-life crisis
- 502
- 00:24:55,456 --> 00:24:59,126
- that experts are calling
- the "early-life crisis."
- 503
- 00:24:59,128 --> 00:25:00,627
- Oh, that's clever.
- 504
- 00:25:00,629 --> 00:25:02,396
- Yeah. I've been stuck in one of those.
- 505
- 00:25:02,398 --> 00:25:03,565
- Yeah? For how long?
- 506
- 00:25:03,567 --> 00:25:05,199
- Just over eight years.
- 507
- 00:25:05,201 --> 00:25:06,934
- Close to a decade.
- 508
- 00:25:06,936 --> 00:25:09,237
- I'm suffering from over-ambitious
- aspirations for myself,
- 509
- 00:25:09,239 --> 00:25:12,139
- so I worry about getting a better job,
- 510
- 00:25:12,141 --> 00:25:13,973
- I desire a nicer place to live,
- 511
- 00:25:13,975 --> 00:25:16,810
- and swankier clothes to
- wear, and hotter girls.
- 512
- 00:25:16,812 --> 00:25:20,713
- And I want to attain all of this
- while I'm eradicating my debt.
- 513
- 00:25:20,715 --> 00:25:22,184
- (CHUCKLES) It's ridiculous.
- 514
- 00:25:22,186 --> 00:25:24,685
- "Should adopt more realistic ambitions
- 515
- 00:25:24,687 --> 00:25:26,754
- "to feel happier and less stress."
- 516
- 00:25:26,756 --> 00:25:28,357
- That's easy for them to say.
- 517
- 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,960
- They have an awesome job at a magazine.
- 518
- 00:25:32,096 --> 00:25:33,229
- Dickheads.
- 519
- 00:25:38,235 --> 00:25:39,567
- (EXHALES)
- 520
- 00:25:39,569 --> 00:25:41,003
- I'm moving in here for a while.
- 521
- 00:25:42,206 --> 00:25:43,738
- - What?
- - Yeah.
- 522
- 00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:47,377
- Morgan's faithlessness has emboldened me
- 523
- 00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,913
- to take a vacation from her,
- 524
- 00:25:49,915 --> 00:25:53,214
- from our marriage, from my career.
- 525
- 00:25:53,216 --> 00:25:55,484
- Yeah. I want to spend it here.
- 526
- 00:25:55,486 --> 00:25:58,455
- You said it looked like a pirate
- ship and smelled of beef noodles.
- 527
- 00:25:58,457 --> 00:26:02,159
- And you said it smelled
- of man, and you were right.
- 528
- 00:26:02,826 --> 00:26:04,628
- I... I was?
- 529
- 00:26:04,630 --> 00:26:06,830
- Yes. What the fuck am I going to do?
- 530
- 00:26:06,832 --> 00:26:09,365
- I'm going to lay around a swanky hotel
- 531
- 00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:13,138
- swimming pool in a fluffy robe with
- a slice of cucumber in my water?
- 532
- 00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:15,639
- Order caviar-topped potatoes?
- 533
- 00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:17,439
- Get massages?
- 534
- 00:26:17,441 --> 00:26:19,743
- I started making a little
- bit of money as a lawyer
- 535
- 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,678
- and turned into George Hamilton.
- 536
- 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,380
- I don't know who that is.
- 537
- 00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:28,217
- Morgan is largely responsible
- for me becoming fancy.
- 538
- 00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:32,290
- The flat screen had to be
- moved out of the bathroom.
- 539
- 00:26:32,292 --> 00:26:35,761
- Can't eat any food anywhere
- near the Italian bed linens.
- 540
- 00:26:35,763 --> 00:26:39,532
- She's even got me wearing pink
- Polo shirts on the weekend.
- 541
- 00:26:39,534 --> 00:26:40,965
- Pink is sometimes nice.
- 542
- 00:26:40,967 --> 00:26:42,802
- Yeah, it's nice on birthday cakes.
- 543
- 00:26:42,804 --> 00:26:46,571
- But it doesn't belong on a
- rough-riding son of a bitch like me.
- 544
- 00:26:46,573 --> 00:26:48,672
- Or you!
- 545
- 00:26:48,674 --> 00:26:52,776
- This whole man-shed experience has
- brought me back to a blissful time
- 546
- 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,845
- when I was emotionally unformed
- 547
- 00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:59,017
- and completely devoid of a
- woman's redecorating tips.
- 548
- 00:26:59,019 --> 00:27:02,255
- All I did in those days
- was follow my pecker around.
- 549
- 00:27:02,257 --> 00:27:05,725
- I didn't give a fuck
- about anybody or anything.
- 550
- 00:27:05,727 --> 00:27:07,959
- Here. What I need is here.
- 551
- 00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:10,062
- I can do anything.
- 552
- 00:27:10,064 --> 00:27:12,863
- I can freeball on this ugly couch.
- 553
- 00:27:12,865 --> 00:27:14,433
- Don't say that.
- 554
- 00:27:14,435 --> 00:27:17,602
- I can eat chili fries
- in that filthy shower.
- 555
- 00:27:17,604 --> 00:27:22,709
- I can binge-drink without
- judgment anytime I want.
- 556
- 00:27:22,711 --> 00:27:26,680
- I appreciate you making
- my man-shed sound poetic,
- 557
- 00:27:26,682 --> 00:27:30,084
- but why don't you just
- get your own private flop?
- 558
- 00:27:30,086 --> 00:27:32,018
- Why do you need to share with me?
- 559
- 00:27:32,020 --> 00:27:34,455
- That's the genius part.
- 560
- 00:27:34,457 --> 00:27:39,862
- This is the ice cream on top of
- the pie, on top of the candy bar.
- 561
- 00:27:41,029 --> 00:27:42,397
- You don't see it, do you?
- 562
- 00:27:43,465 --> 00:27:44,796
- I don't.
- 563
- 00:27:44,798 --> 00:27:46,868
- Morgan's fucked us both over, correct?
- 564
- 00:27:48,003 --> 00:27:49,603
- Very correct.
- 565
- 00:27:49,605 --> 00:27:53,307
- Do you know how batshit
- crazy she is gonna go
- 566
- 00:27:53,309 --> 00:27:56,011
- when she finds out that
- we're living together?
- 567
- 00:27:57,114 --> 00:27:58,178
- Ooh.
- 568
- 00:27:58,180 --> 00:27:59,914
- I'm going to pay the rent.
- 569
- 00:27:59,916 --> 00:28:01,281
- I'm gonna pay for utilities,
- 570
- 00:28:01,283 --> 00:28:04,117
- groceries, weed, booze, whatever.
- 571
- 00:28:05,189 --> 00:28:07,489
- I'm going to pay for everything.
- 572
- 00:28:07,491 --> 00:28:09,423
- (GASPS SOFTLY)
- 573
- 00:28:09,425 --> 00:28:11,427
- Rent's due on the first.
- 574
- 00:28:15,331 --> 00:28:18,132
- <i>And the first variation
- is to lean to one skate.</i>
- 575
- 00:28:19,337 --> 00:28:21,702
- <i>This is a really good
- stretch for your side.</i>
- 576
- 00:28:21,704 --> 00:28:25,441
- <i>Okay, go ahead and come
- up, square your shoulders.</i>
- 577
- 00:28:25,443 --> 00:28:27,976
- <i>Try to reach for your other skate.</i>
- 578
- 00:28:27,978 --> 00:28:29,210
- (LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR)
- 579
- 00:28:29,212 --> 00:28:31,079
- Shit, that's a cop knock.
- 580
- 00:28:31,081 --> 00:28:33,414
- No, that's a Muumuu knock.
- 581
- 00:28:33,416 --> 00:28:35,017
- (GROANS)
- 582
- 00:28:35,019 --> 00:28:37,086
- Wait, this could be the weed talking,
- 583
- 00:28:37,088 --> 00:28:39,087
- but there's a cow at the door?
- 584
- 00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:43,660
- No, it's our indecipherable
- landlord who only wears guess what?
- 585
- 00:28:43,662 --> 00:28:45,864
- - (SPEAKS PUNJABI)
- - Sorry about the noise last night.
- 586
- 00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:48,398
- She sounds sexy.
- 587
- 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,766
- Yeah, she's got charm for days.
- 588
- 00:28:50,768 --> 00:28:52,768
- Lyle, my old roommate,
- 589
- 00:28:52,770 --> 00:28:55,872
- he thinks she runs guns
- out of the laundry room.
- 590
- 00:28:55,874 --> 00:28:57,307
- (GROANS)
- 591
- 00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:02,078
- - What are your plans for the rest of the day?
- - Hmm...
- 592
- 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,950
- These leg lunges supersede any
- plans I had for the rest of my life.
- 593
- 00:29:05,952 --> 00:29:08,050
- INSTRUCTOR: (ON TV) <i>Lean into it.</i>
- 594
- 00:29:08,052 --> 00:29:09,988
- <i>Don't forget to breathe.</i>
- 595
- 00:29:09,990 --> 00:29:12,390
- (GRUNTS) You know where I've
- always wanted to have lunch?
- 596
- 00:29:16,395 --> 00:29:18,127
- GRADY: How's it going with that hangover?
- 597
- 00:29:18,129 --> 00:29:19,998
- I think it's getting worse.
- 598
- 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,400
- Well, damn it, boy, hit it
- with another Engineer Beer.
- 599
- 00:29:23,402 --> 00:29:25,270
- Or some of that Choo-Choo Chicken.
- 600
- 00:29:25,907 --> 00:29:27,471
- Look at this.
- 601
- 00:29:27,473 --> 00:29:29,707
- We had breakfast, like, an hour ago.
- 602
- 00:29:29,709 --> 00:29:32,043
- Slow down. You're going to
- give yourself a heart attack.
- 603
- 00:29:32,045 --> 00:29:33,912
- Get used to my gluttony.
- 604
- 00:29:33,914 --> 00:29:37,015
- I tend to eat a lot on vacation.
- 605
- 00:29:37,017 --> 00:29:40,351
- Did... That... Did... What the fuck?
- 606
- 00:29:40,353 --> 00:29:43,755
- That guy just took the last
- of the Piggyback Potatoes!
- 607
- 00:29:43,757 --> 00:29:45,091
- Shh.
- 608
- 00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:47,194
- Shit.
- 609
- 00:29:47,196 --> 00:29:49,795
- That's why I'm here.
- 610
- 00:29:49,797 --> 00:29:52,999
- Oh, I am gonna have an excellent
- bowel movement tomorrow.
- 611
- 00:29:53,001 --> 00:29:54,533
- - Guaranteed.
- - (SIGHS)
- 612
- 00:29:54,535 --> 00:29:56,936
- So, what are your new aspirations
- 613
- 00:29:56,938 --> 00:29:59,938
- now that the antiquities
- industry has shit-canned you?
- 614
- 00:29:59,940 --> 00:30:03,708
- Okay, um...
- 615
- 00:30:03,710 --> 00:30:06,311
- To own my own company that
- makes me a lot of money.
- 616
- 00:30:06,313 --> 00:30:08,580
- What that company does,
- I'm not really sure yet.
- 617
- 00:30:08,582 --> 00:30:11,552
- I'd like a vintage Cadillac
- with original leather interior.
- 618
- 00:30:11,554 --> 00:30:14,354
- House on the water. Winter
- home in the Virgin Islands.
- 619
- 00:30:14,356 --> 00:30:17,058
- I'd like a wife, hot, preferably Asian...
- 620
- 00:30:17,060 --> 00:30:19,458
- - I'm gonna stop you there.
- - Yeah?
- 621
- 00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,462
- I'm gonna recommend that you
- adopt more realistic ambitions
- 622
- 00:30:22,464 --> 00:30:25,931
- because it sounds like you're
- a bit of an unrealistic dreamer.
- 623
- 00:30:25,933 --> 00:30:27,167
- Guilty.
- 624
- 00:30:27,169 --> 00:30:28,400
- I'm Pisces, so I view the world
- 625
- 00:30:28,402 --> 00:30:30,602
- through rose-tinted spectacles.
- 626
- 00:30:30,604 --> 00:30:33,340
- Oh, that stung all the
- way to my brain stem.
- 627
- 00:30:33,342 --> 00:30:34,941
- You gotta be kidding me.
- 628
- 00:30:34,943 --> 00:30:36,977
- If you want to pick up a girl,
- 629
- 00:30:36,979 --> 00:30:39,147
- you gotta infuse your vocab with
- a little bit more testosterone.
- 630
- 00:30:39,149 --> 00:30:42,249
- - Words like "tits" and "big tits."
- - (GROANS)
- 631
- 00:30:42,251 --> 00:30:45,152
- Listen, Cadillacs and beach houses,
- 632
- 00:30:45,154 --> 00:30:48,623
- those are the dreams
- of stupid, naive people.
- 633
- 00:30:49,593 --> 00:30:51,026
- That's not you, right?
- 634
- 00:30:53,796 --> 00:30:54,894
- Grady?
- 635
- 00:30:54,896 --> 00:30:56,697
- Yeah.
- 636
- 00:30:56,699 --> 00:30:59,468
- They put out more Piggyback Potatoes.
- 637
- 00:30:59,470 --> 00:31:00,937
- What?
- 638
- 00:31:00,939 --> 00:31:02,670
- When?
- 639
- 00:31:02,672 --> 00:31:04,706
- (BURPS) I find it a
- little strange, actually,
- 640
- 00:31:04,708 --> 00:31:07,442
- that you blame "extreme muff deficiency"
- 641
- 00:31:07,444 --> 00:31:09,311
- as the root of my problems,
- 642
- 00:31:09,313 --> 00:31:12,582
- when the last muff I was
- in belonged to your wife.
- 643
- 00:31:13,852 --> 00:31:15,351
- - Thank you.
- - Thanks.
- 644
- 00:31:15,353 --> 00:31:17,118
- Let me ask you a question.
- 645
- 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,656
- If a fat guy diets, exercises,
- 646
- 00:31:20,658 --> 00:31:23,325
- takes vitamins two weeks out of the year,
- 647
- 00:31:23,327 --> 00:31:27,162
- does that necessarily
- make him a healthy person?
- 648
- 00:31:27,164 --> 00:31:28,963
- I get your point.
- 649
- 00:31:28,965 --> 00:31:31,066
- So how come you're not
- out there closing some ass?
- 650
- 00:31:31,068 --> 00:31:35,138
- How? Where? I hate going
- out. I hate going to bars.
- 651
- 00:31:35,140 --> 00:31:37,105
- The music's always so loud.
- 652
- 00:31:37,107 --> 00:31:38,708
- I can barely hear myself speak,
- 653
- 00:31:38,710 --> 00:31:40,642
- let alone the lady I'm
- trying to connect with.
- 654
- 00:31:40,644 --> 00:31:42,912
- So it becomes this choreographed routine
- 655
- 00:31:42,914 --> 00:31:46,017
- of two people just leaning into
- each other all night, saying, "What?
- 656
- 00:31:46,019 --> 00:31:48,085
- "What? What? What?"
- 657
- 00:31:48,087 --> 00:31:49,585
- Well, that's your problem.
- 658
- 00:31:49,587 --> 00:31:51,589
- Bars are not made for talking.
- 659
- 00:31:51,591 --> 00:31:53,691
- That's why the music is so loud.
- 660
- 00:31:53,693 --> 00:31:55,959
- You only need to be
- concerned about two questions,
- 661
- 00:31:55,961 --> 00:31:59,530
- "What are you drinking?"
- and, "Where are we humping?"
- 662
- 00:31:59,532 --> 00:32:01,565
- (LAUGHS)
- 663
- 00:32:01,567 --> 00:32:03,902
- Could you see that on a
- T-shirt? I just made that up.
- 664
- 00:32:03,904 --> 00:32:07,405
- Unfortunately, yes, I
- can see that on a T-shirt.
- 665
- 00:32:07,407 --> 00:32:08,305
- (GROANS)
- 666
- 00:32:08,307 --> 00:32:10,007
- Are you okay to drive?
- 667
- 00:32:10,009 --> 00:32:11,877
- No. Definitely not. Get in.
- 668
- 00:32:11,879 --> 00:32:13,578
- (GROANS)
- 669
- 00:32:13,580 --> 00:32:17,849
- <i>What if you woke up
- and you were 15 again?</i>
- 670
- 00:32:17,851 --> 00:32:22,654
- JOEY: <i>The funny thing is, I
- don't feel that way anymore.</i>
- 671
- 00:32:22,656 --> 00:32:26,959
- Oh... That was a delightful bubble bath.
- 672
- 00:32:26,961 --> 00:32:28,260
- Whose Mr. Bubble is this?
- 673
- 00:32:28,262 --> 00:32:30,729
- Who else lives here apart from you?
- 674
- 00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:33,065
- I thought it might've
- been your old roommate's.
- 675
- 00:32:33,067 --> 00:32:35,769
- No, when people move out,
- they bring their Mr. Bubble.
- 676
- 00:32:35,771 --> 00:32:37,403
- That's how it works.
- 677
- 00:32:37,405 --> 00:32:39,606
- Oh, well, you're out of Mr. Bubble.
- 678
- 00:32:39,608 --> 00:32:41,072
- What?
- 679
- 00:32:41,074 --> 00:32:42,841
- Jesus Christ, that was a new bottle.
- 680
- 00:32:42,843 --> 00:32:45,979
- You're only supposed to
- use a capful. A capful!
- 681
- 00:32:45,981 --> 00:32:49,550
- It really smelled good, so
- I just kept pouring it in.
- 682
- 00:32:50,819 --> 00:32:52,485
- What are you watching?
- 683
- 00:32:52,487 --> 00:32:55,022
- Ah. It's <i>Dawson's Creek.</i>
- 684
- 00:32:56,823 --> 00:32:58,826
- (EXHALES) Is this VHS?
- 685
- 00:32:58,828 --> 00:33:02,763
- Yup. I have every episode recorded
- on their original air date.
- 686
- 00:33:02,765 --> 00:33:05,232
- I got them on eBay from
- this woman in Delaware.
- 687
- 00:33:05,234 --> 00:33:09,070
- She sent them in this awesome
- casket she made, too. Look.
- 688
- 00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:12,039
- Seriously, what is this show about?
- 689
- 00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:13,673
- It's about an ambitious young man
- 690
- 00:33:13,675 --> 00:33:15,909
- named Dawson Leery and his friends
- 691
- 00:33:15,911 --> 00:33:19,646
- as they learn all about love and
- life in Capeside, Massachusetts.
- 692
- 00:33:19,648 --> 00:33:22,951
- Romantic entanglements and
- growing pains are aplenty.
- 693
- 00:33:22,953 --> 00:33:25,054
- You are going to love it.
- 694
- 00:33:28,324 --> 00:33:31,859
- That sounds like the worst
- fucking TV show I've ever heard of.
- 695
- 00:33:31,861 --> 00:33:32,993
- - No.
- - Yeah.
- 696
- 00:33:32,995 --> 00:33:34,830
- We're not watching this.
- 697
- 00:33:34,832 --> 00:33:38,633
- Come on, find a sporting event
- or something with car crashes.
- 698
- 00:33:38,635 --> 00:33:40,601
- Do you bite off Morgan's head like this
- 699
- 00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,270
- every time she wants to watch
- her favorite programming?
- 700
- 00:33:42,272 --> 00:33:44,340
- We don't watch television together.
- 701
- 00:33:44,909 --> 00:33:46,610
- - Never?
- - No.
- 702
- 00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:49,612
- I always thought the best part of marriage
- 703
- 00:33:49,614 --> 00:33:51,246
- would be settling in every night
- 704
- 00:33:51,248 --> 00:33:53,449
- to watch television with your life partner.
- 705
- 00:33:53,451 --> 00:33:56,385
- You know, making fun of
- the weatherman's hair,
- 706
- 00:33:56,387 --> 00:33:59,356
- shouting out answers
- during <i>Family Feud.</i>
- 707
- 00:34:00,189 --> 00:34:01,889
- Not even <i>Top Chef?</i>
- 708
- 00:34:01,891 --> 00:34:05,726
- No, not even <i>Top Chef,</i>
- whatever the fuck that is.
- 709
- 00:34:05,728 --> 00:34:08,497
- We have jobs, and we work most nights.
- 710
- 00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:10,800
- That's sad.
- 711
- 00:34:10,802 --> 00:34:12,235
- What would you know about it, Stensland?
- 712
- 00:34:14,238 --> 00:34:17,874
- Get me the Doritos and a tumbler of Scotch.
- 713
- 00:34:17,876 --> 00:34:20,311
- - (SNAPPING FINGERS)
- - Come on, come on, come on.
- 714
- 00:34:20,313 --> 00:34:22,111
- We don't have tumblers.
- 715
- 00:34:22,113 --> 00:34:23,680
- I'll put it in a jelly jar.
- 716
- 00:34:23,682 --> 00:34:25,280
- You don't have jelly jars either.
- 717
- 00:34:25,282 --> 00:34:27,151
- I threw them all out this morning.
- 718
- 00:34:27,153 --> 00:34:29,017
- STENSLAND: (SIGHS) God damn it.
- 719
- 00:34:29,019 --> 00:34:31,021
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- 720
- 00:34:31,023 --> 00:34:33,256
- Hey, that's a Muumuu knock. You
- want me to grab that, roomie?
- 721
- 00:34:33,258 --> 00:34:34,960
- No, I'll get it.
- 722
- 00:34:34,962 --> 00:34:37,928
- Sorry, we'll keep the fucking noise...
- 723
- 00:34:37,930 --> 00:34:39,897
- Good, you're alive.
- 724
- 00:34:39,899 --> 00:34:41,931
- What are you...
- 725
- 00:34:41,933 --> 00:34:43,935
- Grady said he was coming over
- here to kill you last night, so...
- 726
- 00:34:43,937 --> 00:34:45,536
- You were worried about me.
- 727
- 00:34:45,538 --> 00:34:48,406
- No, I was worried about
- instigating a murder.
- 728
- 00:34:48,942 --> 00:34:50,875
- Good night.
- 729
- 00:34:50,877 --> 00:34:54,679
- GRADY: Hey, Stens! I'm very
- high, and I cannot feel my feet.
- 730
- 00:34:58,485 --> 00:35:00,487
- - Grady!
- - Oh, shit!
- 731
- 00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:04,121
- Whoa, what are you doing here, man?
- 732
- 00:35:04,123 --> 00:35:07,425
- Um, you said you were going to
- come here and kill him last night.
- 733
- 00:35:07,427 --> 00:35:09,093
- She was worried about me.
- 734
- 00:35:09,095 --> 00:35:11,563
- I was not worried about you, okay?
- 735
- 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,066
- What are you doing here?
- 736
- 00:35:14,068 --> 00:35:16,101
- I thought you checked into
- the Sorrento last night.
- 737
- 00:35:16,103 --> 00:35:19,172
- Nope. Nope, I live here now, woman.
- 738
- 00:35:19,673 --> 00:35:20,773
- What?
- 739
- 00:35:22,611 --> 00:35:25,846
- (LAUGHS) That's a joke, right?
- 740
- 00:35:25,848 --> 00:35:27,781
- No.
- 741
- 00:35:27,783 --> 00:35:29,649
- Stensland and I have bonded
- over the mutual hatred of you.
- 742
- 00:35:29,651 --> 00:35:31,783
- Oh, well, "Hatred" is a strong word.
- 743
- 00:35:31,785 --> 00:35:33,652
- GRADY: See, unlike you and your sisterhood
- 744
- 00:35:33,654 --> 00:35:35,721
- of catty, hair-pulling harpies,
- 745
- 00:35:35,723 --> 00:35:38,959
- men can move past their
- mistakes and form a fellowship.
- 746
- 00:35:38,961 --> 00:35:41,928
- A creed, if you will.
- That's why we run the world.
- 747
- 00:35:41,930 --> 00:35:45,564
- Oh, and what an honorable job you
- frat dickheads are doing, thank you.
- 748
- 00:35:45,566 --> 00:35:47,501
- Morgan, I don't hate you, per se.
- 749
- 00:35:47,503 --> 00:35:49,769
- - I'm just very upset...
- - GRADY: Wait a second. Wait a second.
- 750
- 00:35:49,771 --> 00:35:52,371
- You said she lied to
- you and broke your heart,
- 751
- 00:35:52,373 --> 00:35:53,940
- and you're going to stand over there
- 752
- 00:35:53,942 --> 00:35:55,708
- and kiss her ass like
- you owe her something.
- 753
- 00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:58,012
- - Shut up.
- - Grow some balls, Stensland.
- 754
- 00:35:58,014 --> 00:35:59,114
- Stop it, Grady!
- 755
- 00:35:59,116 --> 00:36:00,681
- - Fucking do it!
- - Fine!
- 756
- 00:36:00,683 --> 00:36:03,416
- Morgan, I'm really fucking pissed at you!
- 757
- 00:36:03,418 --> 00:36:06,219
- You're very pretty, but you're a liar!
- 758
- 00:36:06,221 --> 00:36:08,289
- Get a load of this, sister.
- 759
- 00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:10,892
- Me and this fella right here,
- we're taking a long Morgan vacation,
- 760
- 00:36:10,894 --> 00:36:12,560
- and if you don't like that,
- then you can just head out
- 761
- 00:36:12,562 --> 00:36:15,263
- and find yourself another boy toy!
- 762
- 00:36:15,265 --> 00:36:17,365
- Yeah. High-five that shit.
- 763
- 00:36:18,568 --> 00:36:21,569
- Oh, this is so twisted, even for you.
- 764
- 00:36:21,571 --> 00:36:23,406
- - Is it?
- - Okay, you know what?
- 765
- 00:36:23,408 --> 00:36:25,741
- Just so you know, it's not lost on me
- 766
- 00:36:25,743 --> 00:36:28,475
- how insulting this must be for you
- 767
- 00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:31,211
- that I cheated on you
- with this child over here.
- 768
- 00:36:31,213 --> 00:36:32,982
- Don't mind me, Morgan, I'm
- just standing right here.
- 769
- 00:36:32,984 --> 00:36:34,583
- - Will you just shut up?
- - All right.
- 770
- 00:36:34,585 --> 00:36:36,920
- - Please? Just shut...
- - Sorry. Yeah.
- 771
- 00:36:36,922 --> 00:36:38,654
- - I'll stop talking right now.
- - You talk too much.
- 772
- 00:36:38,656 --> 00:36:40,323
- - Okay.
- - Stop.
- 773
- 00:36:41,793 --> 00:36:44,561
- What was my next move
- supposed to be, Grady?
- 774
- 00:36:44,563 --> 00:36:46,193
- I told you that we were losing touch,
- 775
- 00:36:46,195 --> 00:36:49,297
- that I needed more from
- you, and you ignored me.
- 776
- 00:36:49,299 --> 00:36:52,668
- You blew off therapy, you
- drifted further away from me.
- 777
- 00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:55,971
- I mean, what is someone supposed
- to do when they're wandering around
- 778
- 00:36:55,973 --> 00:37:00,410
- in the emotional equivalent
- of the Atacama Desert, huh?
- 779
- 00:37:00,412 --> 00:37:04,615
- Or starving for affection like
- some Brazilian street orphan?
- 780
- 00:37:08,220 --> 00:37:10,387
- Is this BBC World News?
- 781
- 00:37:10,389 --> 00:37:11,787
- (LAUGHING)
- 782
- 00:37:11,789 --> 00:37:13,858
- Oh, Jesus, fuck you. Just fuck you.
- 783
- 00:37:15,327 --> 00:37:17,894
- This is our marriage, Grady.
- 784
- 00:37:17,896 --> 00:37:20,164
- We need to sit down, and
- we need to talk, okay?
- 785
- 00:37:20,166 --> 00:37:21,697
- But I am not doing it here.
- 786
- 00:37:21,699 --> 00:37:24,435
- So please go get your stuff, and let's go.
- 787
- 00:37:25,672 --> 00:37:26,773
- No.
- 788
- 00:37:29,810 --> 00:37:31,042
- Sorry.
- 789
- 00:37:31,044 --> 00:37:32,775
- I'm going to stay here with Stensland
- 790
- 00:37:32,777 --> 00:37:34,513
- and watch an episode of
- <i>Darren's Stream.</i>
- 791
- 00:37:34,515 --> 00:37:36,482
- That'd be <i>Dawson's Creek.</i>
- 792
- 00:37:42,087 --> 00:37:43,521
- You do that.
- 793
- 00:37:50,097 --> 00:37:53,332
- Jesus. What's with her cheap shots?
- 794
- 00:37:53,334 --> 00:37:54,999
- Aw, forget it.
- 795
- 00:37:55,001 --> 00:37:57,369
- You told her off like a
- man. Didn't that feel good?
- 796
- 00:37:57,371 --> 00:37:59,470
- No, it exhausted me.
- 797
- 00:37:59,472 --> 00:38:01,204
- I'm going to go to bed for a few days.
- 798
- 00:38:01,206 --> 00:38:03,209
- What are you talking
- about? It's not even 10:00.
- 799
- 00:38:03,211 --> 00:38:05,678
- I mean, the pubs are
- crawling with young bug.
- 800
- 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,711
- We've got to get out there,
- we've got to get some.
- 801
- 00:38:07,713 --> 00:38:10,216
- I've got to cash in a
- "bang some strange" card.
- 802
- 00:38:10,218 --> 00:38:11,551
- - No.
- - Yes.
- 803
- 00:38:11,553 --> 00:38:13,386
- - No.
- - Oh, yes. Come on.
- 804
- 00:38:13,388 --> 00:38:14,953
- Stensland says no!
- 805
- 00:38:14,955 --> 00:38:16,690
- Two double Black Labels
- on the rocks, please.
- 806
- 00:38:16,692 --> 00:38:18,527
- - You got it.
- - Thank you.
- 807
- 00:38:19,326 --> 00:38:21,094
- First prospect on the board.
- 808
- 00:38:21,096 --> 00:38:24,163
- Bartenders flirt for tips,
- they can't be prospects.
- 809
- 00:38:24,165 --> 00:38:26,100
- Oh, come on.
- 810
- 00:38:26,102 --> 00:38:28,502
- Dogs beg for Milk-Bones, but
- they still wanna hump your leg.
- 811
- 00:38:29,605 --> 00:38:31,504
- Now then, in scouting for a prospect,
- 812
- 00:38:31,506 --> 00:38:33,105
- you've got to take in the whole field.
- 813
- 00:38:33,107 --> 00:38:35,008
- You know what a baseball scout is, right?
- 814
- 00:38:35,010 --> 00:38:36,675
- I'm Irish, not Amish.
- 815
- 00:38:36,677 --> 00:38:39,613
- Good. That's good. I knew
- you'd be good at this.
- 816
- 00:38:39,615 --> 00:38:41,115
- - There you go, boys.
- - Thank you.
- 817
- 00:38:41,117 --> 00:38:43,720
- - Keep that tab wide open.
- - Giddyup.
- 818
- 00:38:44,887 --> 00:38:46,354
- See?
- 819
- 00:38:47,523 --> 00:38:48,722
- (SNORTS AND GASPS)
- 820
- 00:38:48,724 --> 00:38:50,425
- Tonight we're muff scouts.
- 821
- 00:38:50,427 --> 00:38:52,793
- I know, it lacks wit, but it's real.
- 822
- 00:38:52,795 --> 00:38:55,195
- So, when we're scouting
- quail, what are we looking for?
- 823
- 00:38:55,197 --> 00:38:56,530
- Body, face, what else?
- 824
- 00:38:56,532 --> 00:38:58,968
- Intelligence, sense of self, fashion.
- 825
- 00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:00,868
- No! That's the pink part of your brain
- 826
- 00:39:00,870 --> 00:39:02,738
- that allows you to enjoy
- <i>Dawson's Creek.</i>
- 827
- 00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,006
- The end game is to get 'em nude,
- 828
- 00:39:05,008 --> 00:39:08,142
- <i>sans</i> fashion,
- so it's never a factor.
- 829
- 00:39:08,144 --> 00:39:11,513
- But what is a factor is personality.
- 830
- 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:14,147
- And it's as easy to spot as a panty line.
- 831
- 00:39:14,149 --> 00:39:17,018
- Are they laughing? Are they smiling?
- 832
- 00:39:17,020 --> 00:39:18,754
- Are they giving off any indication
- 833
- 00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:20,455
- that they're having a good time,
- 834
- 00:39:20,457 --> 00:39:24,793
- or that they're eager to
- have a good time with you?
- 835
- 00:39:24,795 --> 00:39:28,295
- Many of them are going to be
- wearing this precious little smile
- 836
- 00:39:28,297 --> 00:39:34,637
- that says, "Hey, please,
- please come talk to me."
- 837
- 00:39:34,639 --> 00:39:37,639
- I know that little smile.
- 838
- 00:39:37,641 --> 00:39:40,510
- GRADY: Of course you
- do, you fuckin' animal.
- 839
- 00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:42,677
- That's why they're drinking here
- 840
- 00:39:42,679 --> 00:39:47,017
- and not at home alone
- with their kitty cats.
- 841
- 00:39:47,019 --> 00:39:50,386
- Now then, survey the showroom,
- 842
- 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:55,225
- pick out a model, take her for a sex drive.
- 843
- 00:39:55,227 --> 00:39:57,026
- And for the sake of Christ,
- 844
- 00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:59,429
- keep drinking the rocket sauce.
- 845
- 00:40:01,267 --> 00:40:02,866
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- 846
- 00:40:02,868 --> 00:40:04,734
- - <i>♪ All we wanna know is</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 847
- 00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:06,671
- - <i>♪ All we wanna see is</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 848
- 00:40:06,673 --> 00:40:08,470
- - <i>♪ All we wanna hear is</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 849
- 00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:10,675
- - <i>♪ We really wanna get some</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 850
- 00:40:10,677 --> 00:40:12,442
- - <i>♪ All we wanna know is</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 851
- 00:40:12,444 --> 00:40:14,411
- - <i>♪ All we wanna see is</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 852
- 00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:16,380
- - <i>♪ All we wanna hear is</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 853
- 00:40:16,382 --> 00:40:18,181
- - <i>♪ We really wanna get some</i>
- - <i>♪ Papalock</i>
- 854
- 00:40:18,183 --> 00:40:20,650
- <i>♪ If I had my way, I'd rather play</i>
- 855
- 00:40:20,652 --> 00:40:22,387
- <i>♪ Every day would be Saturday</i>
- 856
- 00:40:22,389 --> 00:40:24,523
- <i>♪ The mice gonna play
- when the cat's away</i>
- 857
- 00:40:24,525 --> 00:40:26,724
- <i>♪ Oh, looking hot, yeah</i>
- 858
- 00:40:26,726 --> 00:40:28,559
- <i>♪ When the mic is on...</i>
- 859
- 00:40:28,561 --> 00:40:30,594
- <i>♪ I got the tightest game
- I got the tightest song</i>
- 860
- 00:40:30,596 --> 00:40:32,429
- <i>♪ Right or wrong, you're
- gonna hear them all ♪</i>
- 861
- 00:40:32,431 --> 00:40:34,832
- - Hey!
- - Hey.
- 862
- 00:40:34,834 --> 00:40:36,736
- What kind of drink is that?
- 863
- 00:40:36,738 --> 00:40:38,638
- It's a Harlem Mugger.
- 864
- 00:40:39,539 --> 00:40:40,640
- What?
- 865
- 00:40:40,642 --> 00:40:42,506
- A Harlem Mugger!
- 866
- 00:40:42,508 --> 00:40:45,977
- Oh! What's in it? Racism?
- 867
- 00:40:45,979 --> 00:40:50,716
- (GIGGLES) No, no, it's got vodka,
- gin, white rum, tequila, champagne,
- 868
- 00:40:50,718 --> 00:40:52,452
- and a little cranberry juice.
- 869
- 00:40:52,454 --> 00:40:53,819
- Always gets me shitfaced.
- 870
- 00:40:53,821 --> 00:40:55,854
- Oh, my God. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- 871
- 00:40:55,856 --> 00:40:57,657
- What's a lovely girl like you doing
- 872
- 00:40:57,659 --> 00:40:59,458
- with a horrible drink like that?
- 873
- 00:40:59,460 --> 00:41:01,161
- Are you a bootlegger?
- 874
- 00:41:01,163 --> 00:41:03,197
- No, no.
- 875
- 00:41:03,199 --> 00:41:05,732
- I ordered it because it smells
- just like this anti-fungal shampoo
- 876
- 00:41:05,734 --> 00:41:07,701
- I used to wash my pony with.
- 877
- 00:41:07,703 --> 00:41:08,902
- Oh, is that right?
- 878
- 00:41:08,904 --> 00:41:10,938
- Yeah, Gingerbelle.
- 879
- 00:41:10,940 --> 00:41:13,840
- I couldn't decide between the
- names Gingerbread and Clarabelle,
- 880
- 00:41:13,842 --> 00:41:15,541
- so I combined them. Gingerbelle!
- 881
- 00:41:15,543 --> 00:41:18,244
- - That's interesting.
- - (LAUGHS) I loved her so much.
- 882
- 00:41:18,246 --> 00:41:22,216
- Aw, Gingerbelle had this fungal
- skin infection called "rain rot"
- 883
- 00:41:22,218 --> 00:41:25,452
- and on warm nights, I used to
- snuggle up with her in the barn,
- 884
- 00:41:25,454 --> 00:41:28,689
- and then the bacteria from
- her infection spread onto me.
- 885
- 00:41:28,691 --> 00:41:30,457
- I still can't grow hair
- 886
- 00:41:30,459 --> 00:41:31,492
- in my left armpit or half
- my pubic region, but...
- 887
- 00:41:31,494 --> 00:41:33,059
- Bye.
- 888
- 00:41:34,930 --> 00:41:36,398
- Bye!
- 889
- 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,767
- So the guy goes, "Hey, who
- put the baby in the dryer?"
- 890
- 00:41:39,769 --> 00:41:41,234
- WOMAN: Excuse me, miss?
- 891
- 00:41:41,236 --> 00:41:43,537
- BARTENDER: Oh, man. Be right back.
- 892
- 00:41:43,539 --> 00:41:45,006
- What are you doing here?
- 893
- 00:41:45,008 --> 00:41:46,875
- Ugh, it's not gonna happen.
- 894
- 00:41:46,877 --> 00:41:49,610
- I got talking to a girl,
- but she was into animals.
- 895
- 00:41:49,612 --> 00:41:51,114
- Really?
- 896
- 00:41:51,116 --> 00:41:52,080
- Not like that.
- 897
- 00:41:52,082 --> 00:41:54,350
- Before I even got her name,
- 898
- 00:41:54,352 --> 00:41:56,551
- she tells me about this pony she
- caught a bacterial infection from.
- 899
- 00:41:56,553 --> 00:41:58,821
- Yeah, that's rain rot.
- 900
- 00:41:58,823 --> 00:42:00,154
- How do you know that?
- 901
- 00:42:00,156 --> 00:42:01,790
- I was in 4-H when I was a kid.
- 902
- 00:42:01,792 --> 00:42:03,891
- Look, it's nothing. It just makes you shed.
- 903
- 00:42:03,893 --> 00:42:05,792
- It's no big deal.
- 904
- 00:42:05,794 --> 00:42:08,362
- Go back out there and just
- casually bring up your penis.
- 905
- 00:42:08,364 --> 00:42:10,265
- This is pathetic.
- 906
- 00:42:10,267 --> 00:42:12,168
- You do realize there's not a lady here
- 907
- 00:42:12,170 --> 00:42:14,003
- who can hold a candle to your wife, right?
- 908
- 00:42:14,005 --> 00:42:17,875
- Stensland! Don't bring her up again.
- 909
- 00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:20,876
- Get away from me.
- 910
- 00:42:27,186 --> 00:42:29,084
- - Everything okay here?
- - Yeah.
- 911
- 00:42:29,086 --> 00:42:31,419
- Can I get another double, please?
- 912
- 00:42:31,421 --> 00:42:35,458
- Oh. And a shot of tequila.
- 913
- 00:42:35,460 --> 00:42:39,328
- The shittiest, cheapest
- tequila that you have.
- 914
- 00:42:39,330 --> 00:42:41,564
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- 915
- 00:42:41,566 --> 00:42:43,133
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- 916
- 00:42:56,316 --> 00:42:57,750
- Hi.
- 917
- 00:43:00,054 --> 00:43:01,621
- Hi.
- 918
- 00:43:02,956 --> 00:43:06,224
- Can you get the fuck up
- and off my $700 jacket?
- 919
- 00:43:06,626 --> 00:43:07,927
- Oh.
- 920
- 00:43:08,728 --> 00:43:10,161
- I'm sorry.
- 921
- 00:43:11,597 --> 00:43:13,463
- - Just give it!
- - Sorry.
- 922
- 00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,798
- Just watch where the fuck
- you sit next time, dick face.
- 923
- 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,834
- "Dick face"? Jesus Christ.
- 924
- 00:43:17,836 --> 00:43:21,808
- Why don't you tell your whore to
- watch where she drops her shit?
- 925
- 00:43:21,810 --> 00:43:23,475
- (GASPS)
- 926
- 00:43:23,477 --> 00:43:24,910
- Oh.
- 927
- 00:43:24,912 --> 00:43:26,979
- No, I didn't say that, he said that.
- 928
- 00:43:26,981 --> 00:43:29,114
- - No. No, I didn't.
- - What?
- 929
- 00:43:29,116 --> 00:43:31,417
- Listen, drink this, 'cause you're
- gonna need it in about five minutes.
- 930
- 00:43:31,419 --> 00:43:33,285
- Who'd you call a whore, motherfucker?
- 931
- 00:43:33,287 --> 00:43:35,721
- I believe he's referring to her,
- 932
- 00:43:35,723 --> 00:43:38,223
- and, uh, he also bet me a fish taco
- 933
- 00:43:38,225 --> 00:43:40,359
- that he'd have her blowing him
- 934
- 00:43:40,361 --> 00:43:42,028
- - in the men's room by last call.
- - What the fuck are you doing?
- 935
- 00:43:42,030 --> 00:43:43,763
- That is confidence.
- 936
- 00:43:43,765 --> 00:43:45,931
- - Oh, fuck! Okay.
- - Outside, right now.
- 937
- 00:43:45,933 --> 00:43:47,666
- - Bitch.
- - "Bitch"?
- 938
- 00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:50,235
- - Bitch.
- - "Bitch"? Jesus.
- 939
- 00:43:50,237 --> 00:43:52,105
- Don't ever bring up a man's wife
- 940
- 00:43:52,107 --> 00:43:54,173
- when you're on bush patrol with him, okay?
- 941
- 00:43:54,175 --> 00:43:55,742
- You couldn't deal with a pony snuggler,
- 942
- 00:43:55,744 --> 00:43:56,943
- and you dragged me down with you,
- 943
- 00:43:56,945 --> 00:43:58,744
- and that has consequences.
- 944
- 00:43:58,746 --> 00:44:01,114
- Consequences that apparently
- mean my death, asshole!
- 945
- 00:44:01,116 --> 00:44:03,516
- - Thanks a bunch!
- - You're welcome.
- 946
- 00:44:03,518 --> 00:44:04,751
- God damn it!
- 947
- 00:44:04,753 --> 00:44:06,786
- Let's do this, pussy!
- 948
- 00:44:06,788 --> 00:44:08,355
- I can't believe you did this.
- He's gonna put me in the hospital.
- 949
- 00:44:08,357 --> 00:44:10,024
- You know what, you pissed me off,
- 950
- 00:44:10,026 --> 00:44:11,792
- but now I feel a little shitty about it
- 951
- 00:44:11,794 --> 00:44:12,959
- because that fucking guy's huge.
- 952
- 00:44:12,961 --> 00:44:14,995
- He's a giant.
- 953
- 00:44:14,997 --> 00:44:16,865
- Do you know what? Aside from all
- that, you need this, Stensland.
- 954
- 00:44:16,867 --> 00:44:18,298
- - Oh, I need this?
- - Yes.
- 955
- 00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,667
- Violence is good for a guy.
- 956
- 00:44:20,669 --> 00:44:22,970
- It'll cure you of the desire to watch
- <i>Dawson's Creek</i> every day. Right?
- 957
- 00:44:22,972 --> 00:44:24,437
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- 958
- 00:44:24,439 --> 00:44:25,906
- Hey, it's an award-winner! Best Drama,
- 959
- 00:44:25,908 --> 00:44:27,874
- Teen Choice Awards! Twice!
- 960
- 00:44:27,876 --> 00:44:29,510
- Use that anger.
- 961
- 00:44:29,512 --> 00:44:31,011
- You've been bullied your
- whole life, Stensland.
- 962
- 00:44:31,013 --> 00:44:33,115
- Do something about it.
- 963
- 00:44:33,117 --> 00:44:35,616
- Put every prick's face that you
- ever dealt with on that prick's face.
- 964
- 00:44:35,618 --> 00:44:37,886
- - You just shut up and leave me alone.
- - Good.
- 965
- 00:44:37,888 --> 00:44:39,987
- MAN: Let do this, punk!
- 966
- 00:44:39,989 --> 00:44:41,588
- - Fuck!
- - Nice shot.
- 967
- 00:44:41,590 --> 00:44:43,991
- All right. Proceed.
- 968
- 00:44:45,130 --> 00:44:47,163
- This will all end very soon.
- 969
- 00:44:47,165 --> 00:44:49,063
- GRADY: Come on, Stens.
- 970
- 00:44:49,065 --> 00:44:51,766
- Hey, freshman dork.
- Look at those bitch hips!
- 971
- 00:44:51,768 --> 00:44:53,768
- Make good handles for your boyfriend, huh?
- 972
- 00:44:53,770 --> 00:44:55,203
- - (GRUNTS)
- - CROWD: Oh!
- 973
- 00:44:55,205 --> 00:44:57,038
- GRADY: Keep 'em up. Get 'em up.
- 974
- 00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,374
- You either get giddy about
- the antique furniture,
- 975
- 00:44:59,376 --> 00:45:01,510
- or get giddy in the unemployment line.
- 976
- 00:45:01,512 --> 00:45:04,513
- - (GRUNTS)
- - GRADY: Come on, Stensy.
- 977
- 00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:06,749
- MORGAN: You're a child, Stensland.
- 978
- 00:45:06,751 --> 00:45:08,151
- A mistake.
- 979
- 00:45:08,153 --> 00:45:10,754
- I could never be your girlfriend.
- 980
- 00:45:10,756 --> 00:45:12,924
- - (GRUNTS)
- - (CROWD LAUGHS)
- 981
- 00:45:15,660 --> 00:45:16,992
- - (YELLS)
- - (CROWD GASPS)
- 982
- 00:45:16,994 --> 00:45:18,193
- (GASPING)
- 983
- 00:45:19,764 --> 00:45:21,431
- - Keep fighting!
- - I did it! (LAUGHS)
- 984
- 00:45:25,004 --> 00:45:26,806
- GRADY: <i>Stensy?</i>
- 985
- 00:45:29,174 --> 00:45:30,942
- MORGAN: Stensland!
- 986
- 00:45:33,245 --> 00:45:34,478
- Mmm...
- 987
- 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,180
- Hello, dolly.
- 988
- 00:45:38,417 --> 00:45:40,951
- Why do I have Wilford Brimley's mustache?
- 989
- 00:45:40,953 --> 00:45:43,187
- Stensland, you punched me in the face.
- 990
- 00:45:43,189 --> 00:45:46,492
- You felt that? I thought
- it was only pretend.
- 991
- 00:45:46,494 --> 00:45:48,059
- (YODELING)
- 992
- 00:45:51,764 --> 00:45:53,365
- Whoa.
- 993
- 00:45:53,367 --> 00:45:55,434
- What's your assistant
- doing in the Swiss Alps?
- 994
- 00:45:55,436 --> 00:45:57,535
- Care for a schmoke, Stensland?
- 995
- 00:45:57,537 --> 00:46:01,006
- Man, she's wearing the shit
- out of those <i>Hosen.</i>
- 996
- 00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:03,207
- HANNAH: Come, Stensland.
- <i>Ja,</i> is good.
- 997
- 00:46:03,209 --> 00:46:05,642
- Schmoke-ity,
- schmoke-ity, schmoke-ity.
- 998
- 00:46:05,644 --> 00:46:08,178
- - Hmm.
- - <i>Ja,</i> is good.
- 999
- 00:46:08,180 --> 00:46:10,449
- (BREATHS DEEPLY)
- 1000
- 00:46:10,451 --> 00:46:12,518
- (GROANS)
- 1001
- 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,522
- I wanted a schmoke.
- 1002
- 00:46:15,656 --> 00:46:17,323
- (CRIES)
- 1003
- 00:46:34,208 --> 00:46:37,411
- Grady, you piece of shit.
- 1004
- 00:46:39,615 --> 00:46:42,449
- And for some reason, she had two goats.
- 1005
- 00:46:44,954 --> 00:46:47,052
- You're drooling jam.
- 1006
- 00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:49,922
- (CLEARS THROAT) Okay. Okay.
- 1007
- 00:46:51,594 --> 00:46:53,860
- So, we lived together for three years,
- 1008
- 00:46:53,862 --> 00:46:56,496
- and by far the most scandalous
- thing I ever saw you do was
- 1009
- 00:46:56,498 --> 00:46:58,799
- roll the dice on some expired pudding cups
- 1010
- 00:46:58,801 --> 00:47:00,602
- you found in the back of the fridge.
- 1011
- 00:47:00,604 --> 00:47:02,638
- - A gamble I lost, if you remember.
- - I do.
- 1012
- 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,040
- Yet, in the 48 hours since I moved out,
- 1013
- 00:47:05,042 --> 00:47:06,973
- you blackmailed your mistress,
- 1014
- 00:47:06,975 --> 00:47:08,477
- you had a gun stuck in your face,
- 1015
- 00:47:08,479 --> 00:47:10,511
- you let your mistress's husband move in,
- 1016
- 00:47:10,513 --> 00:47:13,413
- and you fist-fought a man
- twice your size in an alley?
- 1017
- 00:47:13,415 --> 00:47:15,181
- Yes.
- 1018
- 00:47:15,183 --> 00:47:17,584
- Why didn't you unleash any of
- this radness when I was there?
- 1019
- 00:47:17,586 --> 00:47:19,555
- None of this is radness, Lyle.
- 1020
- 00:47:19,557 --> 00:47:21,791
- I need this guy out of my place.
- 1021
- 00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:23,992
- No, it's all radness, man.
- Adventure is erupting all around you.
- 1022
- 00:47:23,994 --> 00:47:27,396
- - And I'm hating it.
- - No. No, you don't realize you're loving it.
- 1023
- 00:47:27,398 --> 00:47:29,230
- Soldiers go to war, and they hate it,
- 1024
- 00:47:29,232 --> 00:47:30,965
- yet it's all they talk
- about when they get back.
- 1025
- 00:47:30,967 --> 00:47:32,802
- I'm a prematurely old man who wants
- 1026
- 00:47:32,804 --> 00:47:34,903
- nothing more than a
- comfortable place to sit
- 1027
- 00:47:34,905 --> 00:47:37,173
- and a diet root beer to
- enjoy the silence with.
- 1028
- 00:47:37,175 --> 00:47:39,039
- I can't deal with all this.
- 1029
- 00:47:39,041 --> 00:47:42,043
- You remember <i>Final Destination</i>
- and its subsequent sequels?
- 1030
- 00:47:42,045 --> 00:47:43,711
- The teenagers cheated Death,
- 1031
- 00:47:43,713 --> 00:47:45,281
- and then Death came after
- them to finish the job?
- 1032
- 00:47:45,283 --> 00:47:46,749
- - Great movie.
- - Yeah.
- 1033
- 00:47:46,751 --> 00:47:49,086
- I think you cheated Youth in your 20s
- 1034
- 00:47:49,088 --> 00:47:53,256
- by denying yourself sex, and
- reckless behavior, and Fun in general.
- 1035
- 00:47:53,258 --> 00:47:55,057
- Now Fun's come back to claim your soul,
- 1036
- 00:47:55,059 --> 00:47:58,160
- and it's come in the form
- of a middle-aged pervert.
- 1037
- 00:47:58,162 --> 00:48:00,129
- What if I outwit Fun?
- 1038
- 00:48:00,131 --> 00:48:03,566
- Perform the old switcheroo to
- defend my geriatric way of life.
- 1039
- 00:48:03,568 --> 00:48:05,535
- No, no, you can't outwit Fun, man.
- 1040
- 00:48:05,537 --> 00:48:07,504
- Especially when you're broke,
- and Fun's paying the rent.
- 1041
- 00:48:10,909 --> 00:48:12,543
- - Thank you.
- - You're welcome.
- 1042
- 00:48:14,980 --> 00:48:16,380
- Shit!
- 1043
- 00:48:21,455 --> 00:48:22,487
- Hannah!
- 1044
- 00:48:23,989 --> 00:48:26,322
- What are you doing down
- there? Did you find a penny?
- 1045
- 00:48:26,324 --> 00:48:28,891
- No. I'm hiding from an annoying asshole.
- 1046
- 00:48:28,893 --> 00:48:30,594
- Oh.
- 1047
- 00:48:30,596 --> 00:48:33,298
- Listen, I just want to
- apologize for the other day.
- 1048
- 00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:35,501
- I had my panties in a pretty tight bunch.
- 1049
- 00:48:35,503 --> 00:48:39,037
- I brought another apology
- in the form of a warm scone.
- 1050
- 00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:40,604
- A scone?
- 1051
- 00:48:40,606 --> 00:48:42,642
- Yeah, it's from the German
- term <i>"Schonbrot."</i>
- 1052
- 00:48:42,644 --> 00:48:44,542
- Speaking of the old country,
- 1053
- 00:48:44,544 --> 00:48:46,477
- do you happen to have any Germanic breeding
- 1054
- 00:48:46,479 --> 00:48:48,912
- or own a pair of exotic
- Lederhosen, by chance?
- 1055
- 00:48:48,914 --> 00:48:50,381
- Nice eye shadow.
- 1056
- 00:48:50,383 --> 00:48:51,883
- Oh, yeah, this is just a shiner
- 1057
- 00:48:51,885 --> 00:48:54,184
- from a drunken duke-out I had last night.
- 1058
- 00:48:54,186 --> 00:48:55,586
- - You did?
- - Yeah.
- 1059
- 00:48:55,588 --> 00:48:58,525
- Wow. You know, that's really sexy.
- 1060
- 00:48:58,527 --> 00:49:00,326
- Really?
- 1061
- 00:49:00,328 --> 00:49:02,328
- It's the weirdest thing. I'm
- seeing you in this whole new light.
- 1062
- 00:49:02,330 --> 00:49:05,297
- Well, you should see
- the other guy. He's fine.
- 1063
- 00:49:05,299 --> 00:49:07,366
- I kind of want you.
- 1064
- 00:49:07,368 --> 00:49:09,435
- - Really?
- - No. Go away.
- 1065
- 00:49:09,437 --> 00:49:10,569
- Oh.
- 1066
- 00:49:10,571 --> 00:49:12,471
- Listen...
- 1067
- 00:49:12,473 --> 00:49:14,605
- I'm coming up to see Morgan.
- 1068
- 00:49:14,607 --> 00:49:16,808
- Can't you just leave her alone?
- 1069
- 00:49:16,810 --> 00:49:19,212
- She had me out drinking until
- 2:00 in the morning last night,
- 1070
- 00:49:19,214 --> 00:49:21,148
- ranting and raving over the sick mind game
- 1071
- 00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:22,716
- that you and Grady are playing.
- 1072
- 00:49:22,718 --> 00:49:25,519
- You two jackoffs are
- fucking up my shit now.
- 1073
- 00:49:26,655 --> 00:49:29,090
- Have you tried smoking pot to cool down?
- 1074
- 00:49:29,092 --> 00:49:32,057
- It helps me unwind when I'm
- stressed out, like you are now.
- 1075
- 00:49:32,059 --> 00:49:35,764
- Plus, it really increases
- my orgasm when I masturbate.
- 1076
- 00:49:35,766 --> 00:49:38,231
- - ALL: Oh.
- - Oh, my God.
- 1077
- 00:49:38,233 --> 00:49:39,499
- You remind me...
- 1078
- 00:49:39,501 --> 00:49:40,934
- Of a girlish Tilda Swinton?
- 1079
- 00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:42,503
- I get that all the time.
- 1080
- 00:49:42,505 --> 00:49:44,671
- No, of a rash I picked up in South America.
- 1081
- 00:49:44,673 --> 00:49:46,942
- Headache, nausea, made my skin crawl.
- 1082
- 00:49:46,944 --> 00:49:49,911
- Sounds like the symptoms of
- lovesickness. Maybe I'm growing on you.
- 1083
- 00:49:49,913 --> 00:49:51,745
- (LAUGHS)
- 1084
- 00:49:51,747 --> 00:49:53,681
- You couldn't grow on me with all
- the seeds and soil in the world.
- 1085
- 00:49:53,683 --> 00:49:55,149
- Eh. Could you tell Morgan I'm here?
- 1086
- 00:49:55,151 --> 00:49:56,585
- She's in a meeting.
- 1087
- 00:49:56,587 --> 00:49:59,488
- Please. We need to talk about Grady.
- 1088
- 00:50:01,189 --> 00:50:04,225
- Thanks for staying late, guys.
- I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
- 1089
- 00:50:06,163 --> 00:50:07,763
- Hello.
- 1090
- 00:50:07,765 --> 00:50:10,700
- (SNIFFS) Ooh. Caramel
- macchiato. Excellent choice.
- 1091
- 00:50:10,702 --> 00:50:12,668
- Do you want me in on this?
- 1092
- 00:50:12,670 --> 00:50:14,604
- Actually, yes. I do want the
- restraint of a witness present.
- 1093
- 00:50:14,606 --> 00:50:17,005
- Hmm, I'd prefer a private sitdown,
- 1094
- 00:50:17,007 --> 00:50:19,307
- so if you don't mind, Hannah.
- 1095
- 00:50:22,713 --> 00:50:24,347
- Is he really living with you?
- 1096
- 00:50:24,349 --> 00:50:26,782
- Yes, he even went grocery shopping.
- 1097
- 00:50:26,784 --> 00:50:28,017
- (SCOFFS)
- 1098
- 00:50:28,019 --> 00:50:29,784
- He's fucking unbelievable.
- 1099
- 00:50:29,786 --> 00:50:32,021
- - You want to know what else he's doing?
- - No. What?
- 1100
- 00:50:32,023 --> 00:50:35,024
- Hitting on strange girls,
- trying to have sex with them.
- 1101
- 00:50:35,026 --> 00:50:36,960
- Gross, charmless creatures,
- 1102
- 00:50:36,962 --> 00:50:39,663
- not even in your evolutionary
- strain, let alone your league.
- 1103
- 00:50:39,665 --> 00:50:41,330
- - No, he isn't.
- - Yes, he is!
- 1104
- 00:50:41,332 --> 00:50:42,799
- Okay, relax.
- 1105
- 00:50:42,801 --> 00:50:44,868
- We went out last night "muff scouting."
- 1106
- 00:50:44,870 --> 00:50:47,569
- - His despicable words, not mine.
- - Okay, enough.
- 1107
- 00:50:47,571 --> 00:50:50,140
- Do you really want to stay with this man?
- 1108
- 00:50:50,142 --> 00:50:51,741
- A man who'd use your infidelity
- 1109
- 00:50:51,743 --> 00:50:53,576
- - as nothing more than a...
- - Okay, will you stop?
- 1110
- 00:50:53,578 --> 00:50:55,178
- ..."wham, bam, ram another
- ma'am for free" card?
- 1111
- 00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:56,613
- Okay, yeah, enough. Out. Out, go.
- 1112
- 00:50:56,615 --> 00:50:58,449
- Step inside my new kind of love!
- 1113
- 00:50:58,451 --> 00:51:00,918
- Go! Go home to your boyfriend.
- 1114
- 00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:02,987
- You need weed very badly.
- 1115
- 00:51:02,989 --> 00:51:04,253
- <i>Auf Wiedersehen,</i> loser!
- 1116
- 00:51:04,255 --> 00:51:07,025
- German? I knew it.
- 1117
- 00:51:07,027 --> 00:51:08,960
- (SIGHS AND CHUCKLES)
- 1118
- 00:51:08,962 --> 00:51:11,161
- - Where are you going?
- - I'm going to see Grady.
- 1119
- 00:51:11,163 --> 00:51:13,465
- I mean, I screwed this up,
- but it's his fault, too.
- 1120
- 00:51:13,467 --> 00:51:14,766
- No, Morgan...
- 1121
- 00:51:14,768 --> 00:51:16,400
- He can't act like this, okay?
- 1122
- 00:51:16,402 --> 00:51:17,869
- He should be fighting for me, for us.
- 1123
- 00:51:17,871 --> 00:51:19,804
- You would just be wasting your breath.
- 1124
- 00:51:19,806 --> 00:51:22,640
- He is a brain-damaged ape. They all are.
- 1125
- 00:51:22,642 --> 00:51:26,145
- As soon as they get a head full of
- steam, they're impossible to control.
- 1126
- 00:51:26,147 --> 00:51:28,346
- So, just let him beat
- his chest, wag his dick,
- 1127
- 00:51:28,348 --> 00:51:32,384
- whatever else he needs to do
- to start thinking clearly again.
- 1128
- 00:51:32,386 --> 00:51:35,787
- He will come crawling back, I promise.
- 1129
- 00:51:35,789 --> 00:51:38,991
- Now, come on. Worry about you.
- 1130
- 00:51:38,993 --> 00:51:40,593
- Worry about this pitch.
- 1131
- 00:51:41,229 --> 00:51:43,095
- (SIGHS)
- 1132
- 00:51:43,097 --> 00:51:46,934
- - I don't pay you enough, do I?
- - No, you don't.
- 1133
- 00:51:46,936 --> 00:51:48,602
- Let's remember that.
- 1134
- 00:51:49,469 --> 00:51:52,238
- (SPEAKS PUNJABI)
- 1135
- 00:52:01,849 --> 00:52:05,052
- There he is. You ready for
- round two there, slugger?
- 1136
- 00:52:05,054 --> 00:52:07,453
- It's ladies' night at
- a whiskey bar downtown.
- 1137
- 00:52:07,455 --> 00:52:10,923
- No, no. My head is still
- throbbing from last night.
- 1138
- 00:52:10,925 --> 00:52:14,595
- That's evidence of an excellent
- two-fisted outing. Congrats.
- 1139
- 00:52:14,597 --> 00:52:17,031
- No, I was hoping we could stay in,
- 1140
- 00:52:17,033 --> 00:52:20,368
- you know, put some ice cubes in the
- bong shaft for a nice cool smoke,
- 1141
- 00:52:20,370 --> 00:52:23,870
- order some Thai, maybe hit up
- some Easy Listening on Pandora.
- 1142
- 00:52:23,872 --> 00:52:25,472
- Come on, buddy, that sounds like
- 1143
- 00:52:25,474 --> 00:52:26,774
- a fuckin' baby shower in Portland.
- 1144
- 00:52:26,776 --> 00:52:28,975
- We're not gonna get laid like that.
- 1145
- 00:52:28,977 --> 00:52:30,977
- Let's get a little pre-party buzz
- going before the Uber arrives.
- 1146
- 00:52:30,979 --> 00:52:32,980
- Listen, I know you're on
- vacation and everything,
- 1147
- 00:52:32,982 --> 00:52:35,148
- but just because I agreed to room with you
- 1148
- 00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:38,052
- doesn't mean that I also agreed
- to a nightly Rat Pack tribute.
- 1149
- 00:52:38,054 --> 00:52:40,188
- I'm staying in tonight.
- 1150
- 00:52:40,190 --> 00:52:41,656
- You're gonna do what I say,
- 1151
- 00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:43,491
- and that is that we're going out.
- 1152
- 00:52:43,493 --> 00:52:45,060
- You're not the boss of me.
- 1153
- 00:52:45,062 --> 00:52:47,429
- "stopbullying.gov." Visit it.
- 1154
- 00:52:47,431 --> 00:52:48,964
- You know what I've got in here?
- 1155
- 00:52:48,966 --> 00:52:50,498
- The private number of every police chief
- 1156
- 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,933
- and circuit judge in the county.
- 1157
- 00:52:51,935 --> 00:52:53,369
- Big whoop.
- 1158
- 00:52:53,371 --> 00:52:55,168
- How do you think those people would feel
- 1159
- 00:52:55,170 --> 00:52:58,573
- about your attempt to
- blackmail my wife for $15,000?
- 1160
- 00:52:59,744 --> 00:53:02,044
- Yeah, that's not good for you.
- 1161
- 00:53:02,046 --> 00:53:04,178
- Here's what's gonna happen.
- You're gonna get dressed.
- 1162
- 00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:08,950
- No hoodies, no sneakers, no
- disturbingly tight shorts.
- 1163
- 00:53:08,952 --> 00:53:11,787
- I want my wingman to look like a real man.
- 1164
- 00:53:12,789 --> 00:53:13,889
- (GRUNTING)
- 1165
- 00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,766
- So I make the mistake
- of dressing as sexy Gumby
- 1166
- 00:53:22,768 --> 00:53:26,268
- to my Halloween office party,
- 1167
- 00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:28,504
- and I'm hiding in this room
- 1168
- 00:53:28,506 --> 00:53:33,977
- because my drunk, douchey boss is
- always wanting to fuck me and stuff.
- 1169
- 00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,982
- So Grady finds me all
- upset in the Xerox room,
- 1170
- 00:53:38,984 --> 00:53:43,085
- and he just gives me
- this pep talk, you know?
- 1171
- 00:53:43,087 --> 00:53:47,925
- Like, about quitting my job,
- and about opening my own firm,
- 1172
- 00:53:47,927 --> 00:53:52,430
- and just fucking getting
- life by the balls, you know?
- 1173
- 00:53:52,432 --> 00:53:56,934
- So, five minutes later, my
- fucker boss gooses my ass,
- 1174
- 00:53:57,936 --> 00:54:00,939
- so I pick up this bowl of hummus,
- 1175
- 00:54:00,941 --> 00:54:04,675
- and I just smash it over
- the fucker's head. Seriously.
- 1176
- 00:54:04,677 --> 00:54:07,579
- Grady was so great at the police station.
- 1177
- 00:54:07,581 --> 00:54:11,415
- I mean, he stood by my side, he got me off,
- 1178
- 00:54:11,417 --> 00:54:15,288
- and then, you know, he got me off.
- 1179
- 00:54:15,290 --> 00:54:17,087
- (LAUGHS)
- 1180
- 00:54:17,089 --> 00:54:19,792
- And, you know, we've just
- been together ever since.
- 1181
- 00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:24,497
- He asked if you wanted
- chicken on your nachos.
- 1182
- 00:54:28,701 --> 00:54:30,636
- That's not what I heard.
- 1183
- 00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:36,108
- Oh, Jesus, what is this?
- It smells like a dead body.
- 1184
- 00:54:36,110 --> 00:54:37,677
- - MacCoinnich.
- - What?
- 1185
- 00:54:37,679 --> 00:54:39,880
- Quadruple-distilled. Drink it.
- 1186
- 00:54:43,885 --> 00:54:45,851
- Oh, my God, it's burning me.
- 1187
- 00:54:45,853 --> 00:54:47,353
- It's burning everything.
- 1188
- 00:54:47,355 --> 00:54:49,456
- 92% alcohol.
- 1189
- 00:54:49,458 --> 00:54:52,458
- It's what Scottish priests would
- drink whenever they were constipated.
- 1190
- 00:54:52,460 --> 00:54:53,994
- Here, do another.
- 1191
- 00:54:53,996 --> 00:54:55,563
- I don't really want to do another one.
- 1192
- 00:54:55,565 --> 00:54:57,263
- - The second one is better.
- - Is it?
- 1193
- 00:54:57,265 --> 00:54:58,665
- Do it.
- 1194
- 00:55:00,736 --> 00:55:02,669
- That actually makes me... (GAGS)
- 1195
- 00:55:02,671 --> 00:55:04,604
- Oh, my God, it's worse.
- 1196
- 00:55:04,606 --> 00:55:07,574
- Yeah. It's killing all the
- tumors in your throat right now.
- 1197
- 00:55:11,214 --> 00:55:12,613
- - You all right?
- - Yeah.
- 1198
- 00:55:12,615 --> 00:55:14,982
- Come on. Drink another.
- 1199
- 00:55:14,984 --> 00:55:16,350
- I mean, we're...
- 1200
- 00:55:16,352 --> 00:55:18,053
- Down the haggis hole.
- 1201
- 00:55:20,924 --> 00:55:21,989
- (YELPS)
- 1202
- 00:55:21,991 --> 00:55:23,757
- Yeah!
- 1203
- 00:55:23,759 --> 00:55:25,159
- (BREATHES SHALLOWLY)
- 1204
- 00:55:25,628 --> 00:55:27,697
- (ROARS)
- 1205
- 00:55:29,199 --> 00:55:31,465
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- 1206
- 00:55:32,536 --> 00:55:34,704
- Hey. You wanna talk?
- 1207
- 00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,572
- (SNEEZES)
- 1208
- 00:55:40,375 --> 00:55:41,776
- Who brought a cat?
- 1209
- 00:55:47,251 --> 00:55:48,584
- How long was I out?
- 1210
- 00:55:48,586 --> 00:55:50,519
- About an hour.
- 1211
- 00:55:50,521 --> 00:55:52,022
- Is it midnight yet?
- 1212
- 00:55:52,024 --> 00:55:53,522
- No, it's 9:30.
- 1213
- 00:55:53,524 --> 00:55:55,057
- Come on, keep drinking.
- 1214
- 00:56:03,269 --> 00:56:04,799
- (VOMITS)
- 1215
- 00:56:04,801 --> 00:56:06,667
- I believe it was Hemingway who once wrote,
- 1216
- 00:56:06,669 --> 00:56:08,739
- "No man is truly a man till he vomits
- 1217
- 00:56:08,741 --> 00:56:11,042
- "behind Big Jim's Pancake House."
- 1218
- 00:56:13,246 --> 00:56:14,946
- (LAUGHING)
- 1219
- 00:56:20,552 --> 00:56:22,219
- Let's go, Grandpa, fuck or fight?
- 1220
- 00:56:22,221 --> 00:56:24,386
- GRADY: Those are hurtful words, Jerry.
- 1221
- 00:56:24,388 --> 00:56:26,823
- You know, I bluffed the DA
- when I had your charges dropped,
- 1222
- 00:56:27,692 --> 00:56:29,726
- but I'm not bluffing today.
- 1223
- 00:56:29,728 --> 00:56:31,761
- Look at that.
- 1224
- 00:56:31,763 --> 00:56:33,564
- Hey, wait a second.
- 1225
- 00:56:33,566 --> 00:56:35,768
- Where the fuck is everybody?
- 1226
- 00:56:39,006 --> 00:56:40,504
- Stensland.
- 1227
- 00:56:40,506 --> 00:56:42,705
- She's left him.
- 1228
- 00:56:42,707 --> 00:56:44,910
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- 1229
- 00:57:03,629 --> 00:57:04,930
- Grady, let me in!
- 1230
- 00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:14,241
- (SPEAKING PUNJABI)
- 1231
- 00:57:15,609 --> 00:57:17,009
- Grady!
- 1232
- 00:57:17,011 --> 00:57:19,812
- Let me in! Grady, please let me in!
- 1233
- 00:57:21,450 --> 00:57:24,550
- STENSLAND: I have had more
- alcohol than oxygen for a week.
- 1234
- 00:57:24,552 --> 00:57:29,622
- I can't wait to get home and
- slip into my jimmy-jammies.
- 1235
- 00:57:29,624 --> 00:57:33,392
- Cabbie, Campus and 27th. Step on it.
- 1236
- 00:57:33,394 --> 00:57:35,929
- What campus? Campus?
- 1237
- 00:57:38,367 --> 00:57:41,635
- CROWD: (CHANTING) Stensland!
- Stensland! Stensland!
- 1238
- 00:57:41,637 --> 00:57:44,773
- Stensland! Stensland! Stensland!
- 1239
- 00:57:51,714 --> 00:57:52,913
- Stop it!
- 1240
- 00:57:52,915 --> 00:57:56,549
- I said, shut up, God damn it!
- 1241
- 00:57:56,551 --> 00:57:58,520
- - (PANTING)
- - (MUSIC STOPS)
- 1242
- 00:57:58,522 --> 00:58:01,522
- What's wrong with you people?
- 1243
- 00:58:01,524 --> 00:58:05,458
- Has the collegiate experience
- become so dull in this country
- 1244
- 00:58:05,460 --> 00:58:08,295
- that causing irreversible
- harm to your bodies
- 1245
- 00:58:08,297 --> 00:58:12,335
- with this binge drinking is
- the only way to have a hoot?
- 1246
- 00:58:13,135 --> 00:58:14,401
- (PANTING)
- 1247
- 00:58:14,403 --> 00:58:16,938
- This isn't fun!
- 1248
- 00:58:16,940 --> 00:58:19,206
- This is sadomasochism!
- 1249
- 00:58:19,208 --> 00:58:23,679
- Have you never heard of board games?
- 1250
- 00:58:23,681 --> 00:58:26,981
- <i>Scattergories</i> is a laugh riot!
- 1251
- 00:58:26,983 --> 00:58:30,552
- Whatever happened to Spin the Bottle
- 1252
- 00:58:30,554 --> 00:58:33,223
- and kiss-chasing on the green?
- 1253
- 00:58:34,625 --> 00:58:36,761
- You're all alcoholics.
- 1254
- 00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,096
- You need to attend meetings!
- 1255
- 00:58:41,098 --> 00:58:46,368
- Well, screw it, I'm making a stand!
- 1256
- 00:58:46,370 --> 00:58:51,473
- Let's put an end to these
- black sabbaths and brain damage!
- 1257
- 00:58:51,475 --> 00:58:53,009
- Join me and say,
- 1258
- 00:58:53,011 --> 00:58:58,351
- "We don't have to be
- party animals to be cool!"
- 1259
- 00:59:01,219 --> 00:59:02,219
- (SIGHS)
- 1260
- 00:59:07,994 --> 00:59:10,760
- Let's make him drink from the hobo's boot!
- 1261
- 00:59:10,762 --> 00:59:12,996
- ALL: Yeah!
- 1262
- 00:59:12,998 --> 00:59:16,499
- ALL: (CHANTING) Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
- 1263
- 00:59:16,501 --> 00:59:19,668
- Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
- 1264
- 00:59:19,670 --> 00:59:21,740
- Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
- 1265
- 00:59:21,742 --> 00:59:23,207
- Hobo's boot!
- 1266
- 00:59:23,209 --> 00:59:27,778
- Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
- 1267
- 00:59:30,283 --> 00:59:32,049
- How did that boot taste, buddy?
- 1268
- 00:59:32,051 --> 00:59:34,118
- Like homelessness in my mouth.
- 1269
- 00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,254
- Why did you make them refill it?
- 1270
- 00:59:36,256 --> 00:59:39,490
- We didn't have enough camera
- coverage for the YouTube video.
- 1271
- 00:59:39,492 --> 00:59:41,593
- Hey, it was the hit of the
- party. You're gonna be a legend.
- 1272
- 00:59:41,595 --> 00:59:45,030
- Please tell me you found your
- "bang strange" lady tonight.
- 1273
- 00:59:45,032 --> 00:59:46,665
- I didn't, I didn't,
- 1274
- 00:59:46,667 --> 00:59:49,302
- but Bacardi's is hosting a
- pool party tomorrow night.
- 1275
- 00:59:49,304 --> 00:59:51,835
- There'll be fur-burgers
- grilling all night long.
- 1276
- 00:59:51,837 --> 00:59:53,538
- - Tomorrow?
- - Tomorrow night.
- 1277
- 00:59:53,540 --> 00:59:55,507
- - I don't...
- - Come on. Come on, watch your head.
- 1278
- 00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:57,909
- Watch your head, watch
- your head, watch your head.
- 1279
- 01:00:02,683 --> 01:00:05,118
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)
- 1280
- 01:00:06,554 --> 01:00:07,987
- (SIGHS)
- 1281
- 01:00:13,729 --> 01:00:16,629
- You know what? We're going
- to take a quick detour.
- 1282
- 01:00:16,631 --> 01:00:18,298
- Uh...
- 1283
- 01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:21,768
- When you hit this stop
- sign, let's go to the right.
- 1284
- 01:00:40,790 --> 01:00:41,855
- (SIGHS)
- 1285
- 01:00:41,857 --> 01:00:43,759
- My tummy hurts.
- 1286
- 01:00:44,828 --> 01:00:45,960
- (GROANS)
- 1287
- 01:00:45,962 --> 01:00:47,963
- Uh, we'd better get going.
- 1288
- 01:01:02,845 --> 01:01:04,278
- (SIGHS)
- 1289
- 01:01:12,122 --> 01:01:13,891
- - STENSLAND: Oh, God!
- - (SOFT THUD)
- 1290
- 01:01:19,030 --> 01:01:21,698
- Uh, we need to turn around.
- 1291
- 01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:23,234
- He fell out.
- 1292
- 01:01:30,843 --> 01:01:32,810
- Where did I come from?
- 1293
- 01:01:38,015 --> 01:01:39,281
- HANNAH: Thank you.
- 1294
- 01:01:52,898 --> 01:01:54,097
- Stensland?
- 1295
- 01:01:55,702 --> 01:01:57,735
- Oh...
- 1296
- 01:01:57,737 --> 01:02:00,170
- Please don't be mean to me right
- now. I'm hanging on by a thread.
- 1297
- 01:02:00,172 --> 01:02:02,673
- What the hell are you doing here?
- 1298
- 01:02:02,675 --> 01:02:04,474
- I'm hiding from Grady.
- 1299
- 01:02:04,476 --> 01:02:06,677
- At Soft Solutions?
- 1300
- 01:02:06,679 --> 01:02:08,712
- Yeah. It's my favorite place.
- 1301
- 01:02:08,714 --> 01:02:11,817
- It's clean, comfortable,
- the staff are warm-hearted.
- 1302
- 01:02:12,553 --> 01:02:13,953
- Stensy!
- 1303
- 01:02:13,955 --> 01:02:16,957
- Hey, Brandon, looking
- svelte, <i>hombre.</i>
- 1304
- 01:02:18,024 --> 01:02:20,091
- They're so nice to me here.
- 1305
- 01:02:20,093 --> 01:02:21,926
- Oh, God, you're weird.
- 1306
- 01:02:21,928 --> 01:02:23,962
- Okay, well, I'll leave you to it.
- 1307
- 01:02:23,964 --> 01:02:25,696
- No, no, no, please don't go.
- 1308
- 01:02:25,698 --> 01:02:28,767
- Come on. We need to talk.
- Let's square our beef.
- 1309
- 01:02:28,769 --> 01:02:32,271
- Come and check out the "Casual
- Refinement" Living Room set, huh?
- 1310
- 01:02:32,273 --> 01:02:34,274
- - Seriously?
- - Yeah.
- 1311
- 01:02:37,612 --> 01:02:38,945
- (SIGHS)
- 1312
- 01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,780
- There we go.
- 1313
- 01:02:41,782 --> 01:02:44,749
- Take a deep breath, relax.
- 1314
- 01:02:44,751 --> 01:02:48,753
- Let the comfort and ambience envelop you.
- 1315
- 01:02:48,755 --> 01:02:53,492
- So, madam, what brings you
- to Soft Solutions today?
- 1316
- 01:02:53,494 --> 01:02:57,729
- Are you shopping for a
- new home or just browsing?
- 1317
- 01:02:57,731 --> 01:02:59,531
- None of the above.
- 1318
- 01:02:59,533 --> 01:03:01,834
- Returning a hideous Moroccan
- throw rug for Morgan.
- 1319
- 01:03:01,836 --> 01:03:04,571
- God damn it. I picked that out for her.
- 1320
- 01:03:05,374 --> 01:03:06,939
- You did?
- 1321
- 01:03:07,776 --> 01:03:09,276
- You met Morgan here?
- 1322
- 01:03:09,278 --> 01:03:12,745
- Yeah. In Decor Enrichments.
- 1323
- 01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:14,913
- God, she was so beautiful.
- 1324
- 01:03:14,915 --> 01:03:18,718
- I was intimidated, to say
- the least, but, I don't know,
- 1325
- 01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:23,224
- I got brave, we started
- talking, and we clicked.
- 1326
- 01:03:25,261 --> 01:03:27,296
- I just wanted a girlfriend.
- 1327
- 01:03:27,797 --> 01:03:29,795
- Aw.
- 1328
- 01:03:29,797 --> 01:03:33,601
- Okay, listen, let me give you
- a tip as your search continues.
- 1329
- 01:03:33,603 --> 01:03:35,802
- Going psycho and blackmailing a woman
- 1330
- 01:03:35,804 --> 01:03:38,474
- isn't going to change her mind
- about your boyfriend potential.
- 1331
- 01:03:38,476 --> 01:03:40,443
- - That's fair enough.
- - Yeah.
- 1332
- 01:03:41,576 --> 01:03:43,611
- You know she really loves Grady, right?
- 1333
- 01:03:45,649 --> 01:03:47,783
- Yeah, I know.
- 1334
- 01:03:47,785 --> 01:03:50,886
- God, I can't wait to get
- these people out of my life.
- 1335
- 01:03:50,888 --> 01:03:52,821
- - Then kick Grady out.
- - I can't.
- 1336
- 01:03:52,823 --> 01:03:55,591
- I'm a blackmailer, remember?
- He could have me arrested.
- 1337
- 01:03:55,593 --> 01:03:58,127
- I'm his Kunta Kinte until
- he decides to set me free.
- 1338
- 01:03:58,129 --> 01:04:01,129
- That's not gonna happen until he
- balances the scales with Morgan
- 1339
- 01:04:01,131 --> 01:04:03,031
- and gets his revenge schtup.
- 1340
- 01:04:03,033 --> 01:04:04,700
- Okay, so then what are you doing
- 1341
- 01:04:04,702 --> 01:04:06,367
- to help him on this ridiculous mission?
- 1342
- 01:04:06,369 --> 01:04:08,339
- Nothing. I hate going out.
- 1343
- 01:04:08,341 --> 01:04:10,306
- I'm a total curmudgeon.
- 1344
- 01:04:10,308 --> 01:04:12,041
- And a whiny little bitch.
- 1345
- 01:04:12,043 --> 01:04:14,210
- I wear pajama tops and
- flip flops to nightclubs.
- 1346
- 01:04:14,212 --> 01:04:17,045
- You have the social skills of
- a truck driver with Asperger's.
- 1347
- 01:04:17,047 --> 01:04:18,480
- I'm a horrible wingman.
- 1348
- 01:04:18,482 --> 01:04:20,984
- You're like a colossal cockblocker.
- 1349
- 01:04:21,786 --> 01:04:23,453
- Oh, my God.
- 1350
- 01:04:23,455 --> 01:04:25,054
- Hannah.
- 1351
- 01:04:25,056 --> 01:04:28,190
- I'm the reason Grady hasn't
- pulled the dick trigger.
- 1352
- 01:04:28,192 --> 01:04:30,694
- Good God, you're a genius.
- 1353
- 01:04:30,696 --> 01:04:34,064
- You're just realizing this now?
- 1354
- 01:04:34,066 --> 01:04:37,903
- Grady? Where are we headed tonight?
- 1355
- 01:04:37,905 --> 01:04:40,005
- I am parched for hootch!
- 1356
- 01:04:40,807 --> 01:04:42,474
- GRADY: <i>Dear Dumbass.</i>
- 1357
- 01:04:42,476 --> 01:04:44,374
- <i>I have some work to
- get done at the office.</i>
- 1358
- 01:04:44,376 --> 01:04:45,908
- <i>Consider yourself on parole.</i>
- 1359
- 01:04:45,910 --> 01:04:48,412
- <i>Love, the Motherfucker in Charge.</i>
- 1360
- 01:04:49,414 --> 01:04:50,479
- (SCOFFS)
- 1361
- 01:04:50,481 --> 01:04:53,016
- Not on my watch, Kemosabe.
- 1362
- 01:05:05,165 --> 01:05:07,167
- (MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
- 1363
- 01:05:32,394 --> 01:05:35,195
- Yeah, looking good, Stensy.
- 1364
- 01:05:40,367 --> 01:05:41,767
- Keep the change, baby.
- 1365
- 01:05:43,003 --> 01:05:44,372
- Get yourself something nice.
- 1366
- 01:05:46,843 --> 01:05:47,908
- (LAUGHING)
- 1367
- 01:05:47,910 --> 01:05:49,143
- What was that?
- 1368
- 01:06:17,741 --> 01:06:19,139
- (BARKS)
- 1369
- 01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:20,708
- It's checking out time.
- 1370
- 01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,976
- What the fuck are you doing here?
- 1371
- 01:06:22,978 --> 01:06:25,512
- Put that shit away. It's Thursday
- night, weekend's already started.
- 1372
- 01:06:25,514 --> 01:06:27,682
- Jesus Christ, you look like shit.
- 1373
- 01:06:27,684 --> 01:06:29,851
- Is that my Rocco Richetti pinstripe?
- 1374
- 01:06:29,853 --> 01:06:32,486
- Yeah. Fits like a condom, right?
- 1375
- 01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:34,422
- All I'm saying is Ladies' Night
- 1376
- 01:06:34,424 --> 01:06:37,024
- at the Trinity Club is already in progress.
- 1377
- 01:06:37,026 --> 01:06:40,361
- Three floors of DJs,
- dancing, and binge drinking.
- 1378
- 01:06:40,363 --> 01:06:43,198
- You take all those ingredients,
- put 'em in a muffin pan,
- 1379
- 01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:44,767
- when they come out of the oven,
- 1380
- 01:06:44,769 --> 01:06:46,901
- they're hot, sweaty,
- and destined for regret.
- 1381
- 01:06:46,903 --> 01:06:50,272
- Come on. Are we gonna settle
- the score with Morgan or what?
- 1382
- 01:06:50,274 --> 01:06:53,209
- Let's finish what you fuckin' started.
- 1383
- 01:06:57,449 --> 01:07:00,083
- You know what? You're right.
- 1384
- 01:07:00,085 --> 01:07:02,320
- Fuck it. Let's do it.
- 1385
- 01:07:06,224 --> 01:07:08,090
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
- 1386
- 01:07:08,092 --> 01:07:10,927
- Who is the ringleader? You're
- up! You're up. You're up.
- 1387
- 01:07:10,929 --> 01:07:14,730
- Who is the ringleader? You're
- up! You're up! You're up!
- 1388
- 01:07:14,732 --> 01:07:17,334
- Who is the ringleader? You're...
- 1389
- 01:07:18,770 --> 01:07:21,305
- - Wow. You guys live here?
- - Yeah.
- 1390
- 01:07:21,307 --> 01:07:25,109
- We've stripped away all the
- snobbery of modern trendy furnishing
- 1391
- 01:07:25,111 --> 01:07:29,245
- to create a streamlined
- hidey-hole of purified partying.
- 1392
- 01:07:29,247 --> 01:07:31,149
- We call it "beatnik chic."
- 1393
- 01:07:31,151 --> 01:07:32,749
- - Works for me.
- - Cool.
- 1394
- 01:07:32,751 --> 01:07:35,252
- - Tequila!
- - Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
- 1395
- 01:07:35,254 --> 01:07:38,055
- Fuck. I lasso Doublemint twins for us,
- 1396
- 01:07:38,057 --> 01:07:40,191
- and you sit here like
- a gassy infant? Come on!
- 1397
- 01:07:40,193 --> 01:07:42,260
- - What the fuck happened to you?
- - CARRIE: Burns so good, baby.
- 1398
- 01:07:42,262 --> 01:07:44,063
- Ai!
- Yi-yi-yi-yi!
- 1399
- 01:07:44,065 --> 01:07:46,864
- - Was that a Middle Eastern war cry?
- - That was.
- 1400
- 01:07:46,866 --> 01:07:48,400
- - Where did that come from?
- - I don't know.
- 1401
- 01:07:48,402 --> 01:07:50,003
- You get up off of your vagina.
- 1402
- 01:07:50,005 --> 01:07:51,902
- You're embarrassing yourself. Come on.
- 1403
- 01:07:51,904 --> 01:07:53,273
- (SIGHS) Fuck.
- 1404
- 01:07:53,275 --> 01:07:54,639
- The next one's for you, handsome.
- 1405
- 01:07:54,641 --> 01:07:56,241
- Remember what we're doing here.
- 1406
- 01:07:56,243 --> 01:07:57,675
- Thank you.
- 1407
- 01:07:57,677 --> 01:07:59,244
- Are we too cray-cray for you, Grady?
- 1408
- 01:07:59,246 --> 01:08:00,679
- (LAUGHS) Yes.
- 1409
- 01:08:00,681 --> 01:08:02,313
- You'll have to excuse my friend.
- 1410
- 01:08:02,315 --> 01:08:04,516
- He gets bashful around beautiful women.
- 1411
- 01:08:04,518 --> 01:08:06,185
- - Aw!
- - Aw!
- 1412
- 01:08:06,187 --> 01:08:08,789
- - We need music.
- - Yes!
- 1413
- 01:08:08,791 --> 01:08:11,957
- Whoa... Cool! Records,
- just like my nana's house.
- 1414
- 01:08:11,959 --> 01:08:15,062
- The next shots are gonna
- come out of my navel, boys.
- 1415
- 01:08:15,064 --> 01:08:17,398
- - Here, help me up, Stensy.
- - Ooh. Yeah.
- 1416
- 01:08:18,097 --> 01:08:20,600
- I got it. Billy Ocean!
- 1417
- 01:08:21,636 --> 01:08:24,071
- Oh. Oh, no, no, no.
- 1418
- 01:08:24,073 --> 01:08:27,206
- (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) You know, I don't
- think Billy Ocean is such a good idea.
- 1419
- 01:08:27,208 --> 01:08:28,540
- SAMANTHA: Who's Billy Ocean?
- 1420
- 01:08:28,542 --> 01:08:30,174
- What's your problem with Billy Ocean?
- 1421
- 01:08:30,176 --> 01:08:33,546
- I... I just react strangely
- to his music, okay?
- 1422
- 01:08:33,548 --> 01:08:36,015
- I just... I just have an
- emotional relationship.
- 1423
- 01:08:36,017 --> 01:08:39,653
- There's a lot of history there,
- okay? So, don't put it on.
- 1424
- 01:08:39,655 --> 01:08:41,523
- GRADY: Hmm. You hear that, girls?
- 1425
- 01:08:41,525 --> 01:08:44,457
- Stensland reacts strangely
- to Billy Ocean's music.
- 1426
- 01:08:44,459 --> 01:08:46,894
- No, no, no, elaborate.
- 1427
- 01:08:46,896 --> 01:08:49,395
- - No, I don't really...
- - Come on! Please?
- 1428
- 01:08:49,397 --> 01:08:51,131
- - No, no, no, because...
- - GRADY: Stensy...
- 1429
- 01:08:51,133 --> 01:08:53,100
- Fine, fine, okay. It's...
- 1430
- 01:08:53,102 --> 01:08:58,239
- It's kind of sappy, but,
- uh, it's genuine Stensland.
- 1431
- 01:08:58,241 --> 01:08:59,841
- All right.
- 1432
- 01:08:59,843 --> 01:09:02,510
- Amber McGinnitty was the prettiest
- 1433
- 01:09:02,512 --> 01:09:04,878
- 12-year-old in the
- history of 12-year-olds.
- 1434
- 01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:09,950
- She loved Billy Ocean, and I
- loved her, so I studied him.
- 1435
- 01:09:09,952 --> 01:09:15,157
- He was everything I wasn't.
- Suave, soulful, fashionable, black.
- 1436
- 01:09:15,159 --> 01:09:18,327
- My mother made me a little
- white suit just like Billy's.
- 1437
- 01:09:18,329 --> 01:09:23,433
- I put it on, locked myself in my
- bedroom, and danced to his jams.
- 1438
- 01:09:25,437 --> 01:09:28,706
- And then I'd cry and feel sorry for myself.
- 1439
- 01:09:29,139 --> 01:09:30,239
- Oh...
- 1440
- 01:09:30,241 --> 01:09:31,841
- Aw...
- 1441
- 01:09:31,843 --> 01:09:34,509
- So, anytime I hear the
- sounds of the Ocean now,
- 1442
- 01:09:34,511 --> 01:09:38,615
- it just puts me in mind
- of Amber McGinnitty.
- 1443
- 01:09:38,617 --> 01:09:39,848
- Well, did you ask her out?
- 1444
- 01:09:39,850 --> 01:09:42,417
- Yes, to the Tropical Para-dance.
- 1445
- 01:09:42,419 --> 01:09:44,355
- And she said yes?
- 1446
- 01:09:49,060 --> 01:09:50,160
- - Oh!
- - Oh...
- 1447
- 01:09:50,162 --> 01:09:51,995
- - Oh...
- - Ooh.
- 1448
- 01:09:51,997 --> 01:09:54,097
- - CARRIE: Oh, Stensy...
- - Oh, that's nice.
- 1449
- 01:09:54,099 --> 01:09:57,802
- Hey. Hey, hey. I would
- hug you, too, but, um...
- 1450
- 01:09:57,804 --> 01:10:00,405
- I've got a beverage in my bellybutton.
- 1451
- 01:10:00,407 --> 01:10:02,871
- - Come on.
- - Come on.
- 1452
- 01:10:02,873 --> 01:10:04,407
- Um...
- 1453
- 01:10:05,310 --> 01:10:06,743
- Suck me.
- 1454
- 01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:09,682
- CARRIE: Do it. Suck her.
- 1455
- 01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:12,416
- (MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)
- 1456
- 01:10:12,418 --> 01:10:14,486
- <i>♪ Get outta my dreams</i>
- 1457
- 01:10:16,423 --> 01:10:17,488
- <i>♪ Get into my car</i>
- 1458
- 01:10:17,490 --> 01:10:18,690
- (LAUGHS)
- 1459
- 01:10:20,860 --> 01:10:22,225
- (YELLS)
- 1460
- 01:10:22,227 --> 01:10:23,394
- SAMANTHA: Go, Stensy!
- 1461
- 01:10:23,396 --> 01:10:24,562
- (WHOOPING)
- 1462
- 01:10:24,564 --> 01:10:26,030
- <i>♪ Get into my life</i>
- 1463
- 01:10:28,034 --> 01:10:29,501
- (GRUNTS)
- 1464
- 01:10:29,503 --> 01:10:30,835
- - <i>♪ Oh, I said, "Hey"</i>
- - <i>♪ Hey</i>
- 1465
- 01:10:30,837 --> 01:10:32,404
- - <i>♪ You</i>
- - <i>♪ You</i>
- 1466
- 01:10:32,406 --> 01:10:35,543
- <i>♪ Get into my car</i>
- 1467
- 01:10:38,311 --> 01:10:40,779
- CARRIE: Yeah, Stensy! Whoo!
- 1468
- 01:10:40,781 --> 01:10:43,282
- <i>♪ Let me take your wheel</i>
- 1469
- 01:10:43,284 --> 01:10:44,584
- <i>♪ Smooth operator</i>
- 1470
- 01:10:45,384 --> 01:10:46,953
- Whoo!
- 1471
- 01:10:46,955 --> 01:10:48,587
- (SAMANTHA AND CARRIE LAUGHING)
- 1472
- 01:10:48,589 --> 01:10:50,957
- - Whoo! (LAUGHING)
- - (LAUGHING)
- 1473
- 01:10:51,592 --> 01:10:53,457
- <i>♪ Make it real</i>
- 1474
- 01:10:53,459 --> 01:10:55,527
- <i>♪ Like a road runner</i>
- 1475
- 01:10:55,529 --> 01:10:57,596
- <i>♪ Coming after you</i>
- 1476
- 01:10:57,598 --> 01:10:59,632
- <i>♪ Just like a hero</i>
- 1477
- 01:10:59,634 --> 01:11:01,067
- <i>♪ Outta the blue</i>
- 1478
- 01:11:02,070 --> 01:11:04,669
- <i>♪ I'll be your non-stop lover</i>
- 1479
- 01:11:04,671 --> 01:11:06,439
- <i>♪ Get it while you can</i>
- 1480
- 01:11:06,441 --> 01:11:09,141
- <i>♪ Your non-stop miracle</i>
- 1481
- 01:11:09,143 --> 01:11:11,378
- <i>♪ I'm your man</i>
- 1482
- 01:11:11,380 --> 01:11:13,681
- <i>♪ Get outta my dreams</i>
- 1483
- 01:11:15,383 --> 01:11:17,749
- <i>♪ Get into my car</i>
- 1484
- 01:11:17,751 --> 01:11:19,620
- <i>♪ Get into my car</i>
- 1485
- 01:11:19,622 --> 01:11:21,688
- <i>♪ Get outta my dreams</i>
- 1486
- 01:11:21,690 --> 01:11:23,758
- <i>♪ Get in the back seat baby</i>
- 1487
- 01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:25,692
- <i>♪ Get into my car</i>
- 1488
- 01:11:25,694 --> 01:11:27,727
- <i>♪ Beep beep, yeah</i>
- 1489
- 01:11:27,729 --> 01:11:30,097
- <i>♪ Get outta my dreams</i>
- 1490
- 01:11:31,702 --> 01:11:33,500
- <i>♪ Get into my car ♪</i>
- 1491
- 01:11:33,502 --> 01:11:34,935
- Fucking slut.
- 1492
- 01:11:35,572 --> 01:11:36,838
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- 1493
- 01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:38,505
- What?
- 1494
- 01:11:38,507 --> 01:11:42,675
- I'm sorry. Samantha is a fucking slut.
- 1495
- 01:11:42,677 --> 01:11:45,179
- You're nice, Stensland. It's just...
- 1496
- 01:11:45,181 --> 01:11:47,782
- I kind of had my heart set on Grady,
- 1497
- 01:11:47,784 --> 01:11:50,350
- and fucking bitch Samantha does it again!
- 1498
- 01:11:50,352 --> 01:11:53,321
- She just sluts it up so early
- that they can't even choose
- 1499
- 01:11:53,323 --> 01:11:55,189
- when it comes time to pick rooms,
- 1500
- 01:11:55,191 --> 01:11:56,424
- and then I just always get
- stuck with the, you know...
- 1501
- 01:11:56,426 --> 01:11:57,993
- With the what?
- 1502
- 01:11:58,727 --> 01:12:01,027
- With the dorky one?
- 1503
- 01:12:01,029 --> 01:12:05,867
- With the pale and waifish
- pity case? The goat boy?
- 1504
- 01:12:05,869 --> 01:12:10,440
- The sad sack who only watches
- programming intended for teen girls?
- 1505
- 01:12:13,111 --> 01:12:14,578
- (CRIES)
- 1506
- 01:12:15,713 --> 01:12:17,482
- CARRIE: I'm sorry.
- 1507
- 01:12:21,252 --> 01:12:24,922
- Oh, my God! This bathroom
- is disgusting! (CRIES)
- 1508
- 01:12:41,171 --> 01:12:43,174
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- 1509
- 01:12:45,376 --> 01:12:46,776
- (SIGHS)
- 1510
- 01:12:48,647 --> 01:12:50,078
- What?
- 1511
- 01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:52,382
- GRADY: <i>Well, I did it last night.</i>
- 1512
- 01:12:52,384 --> 01:12:53,917
- You did what last night?
- 1513
- 01:12:53,919 --> 01:12:57,623
- <i>She was young and quite gorgeous.</i>
- 1514
- 01:12:58,825 --> 01:13:02,028
- So, how's it feel?
- 1515
- 01:13:04,732 --> 01:13:06,730
- (SIGHS)
- 1516
- 01:13:06,732 --> 01:13:08,501
- It feels awful.
- 1517
- 01:13:10,304 --> 01:13:11,804
- <i>Is there anything else?</i>
- 1518
- 01:13:13,340 --> 01:13:15,239
- No.
- 1519
- 01:13:15,241 --> 01:13:18,042
- I've got nothing else to say, Morgan.
- 1520
- 01:13:19,814 --> 01:13:23,083
- <i>Well, then goodbye, Grady.</i>
- 1521
- 01:13:23,618 --> 01:13:25,085
- Goodbye.
- 1522
- 01:13:31,359 --> 01:13:33,058
- Oh, hey.
- 1523
- 01:13:34,930 --> 01:13:36,963
- Sorry about last night.
- 1524
- 01:13:38,099 --> 01:13:39,766
- Yeah.
- 1525
- 01:13:39,768 --> 01:13:41,536
- Whatever.
- 1526
- 01:13:46,373 --> 01:13:47,973
- (SNIFFLES)
- 1527
- 01:13:51,111 --> 01:13:52,311
- (SIGHS)
- 1528
- 01:14:03,892 --> 01:14:05,558
- Hey, Stensland.
- 1529
- 01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:07,026
- Good morning, Michael.
- 1530
- 01:14:10,467 --> 01:14:11,933
- - Thank you.
- - Okay.
- 1531
- 01:14:23,914 --> 01:14:25,913
- BILLY: Excuse me, can you help me?
- 1532
- 01:14:25,915 --> 01:14:28,784
- I'm sorry, I don't actually work here.
- 1533
- 01:14:29,818 --> 01:14:33,288
- Are you Billy Ocean?
- 1534
- 01:14:33,290 --> 01:14:35,489
- Feelin' pretty blue, huh, Stensy?
- 1535
- 01:14:35,491 --> 01:14:40,261
- (SIGHS) Deep blue, Billy.
- I fucked up, big style.
- 1536
- 01:14:40,263 --> 01:14:42,530
- You sure did, my pale friend.
- 1537
- 01:14:42,532 --> 01:14:48,003
- I indulged Grady's penis when it
- was his heart that needed a hand.
- 1538
- 01:14:48,005 --> 01:14:50,806
- Ah, this beach party ain't over, Stensy.
- 1539
- 01:14:50,808 --> 01:14:52,374
- It runs on island time.
- 1540
- 01:14:52,376 --> 01:14:55,209
- What's track number six
- off of <i>Love Zone?</i>
- 1541
- 01:14:55,211 --> 01:14:56,778
- Track number six...
- 1542
- 01:14:57,782 --> 01:15:00,282
- <i>It's Never Too Late To Try.</i>
- 1543
- 01:15:00,284 --> 01:15:02,318
- Slip on a new pair of boat shoes.
- 1544
- 01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:04,353
- The world needs your help, Stensy.
- 1545
- 01:15:04,355 --> 01:15:05,989
- In fact, I need your help right now.
- 1546
- 01:15:05,991 --> 01:15:07,857
- - You do?
- - I do.
- 1547
- 01:15:07,859 --> 01:15:11,661
- Where can I find me a love
- seat impervious to cat pee?
- 1548
- 01:15:12,531 --> 01:15:13,995
- What?
- 1549
- 01:15:13,997 --> 01:15:15,865
- Do you know, young man?
- 1550
- 01:15:15,867 --> 01:15:18,668
- I... Wait, where did your breezy suit go?
- 1551
- 01:15:18,670 --> 01:15:20,472
- You're not Billy Ocean.
- 1552
- 01:15:20,474 --> 01:15:22,438
- Breezy suit? Focus, son.
- 1553
- 01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:24,575
- I'm looking for a love
- seat that won't stain
- 1554
- 01:15:24,577 --> 01:15:27,712
- when my wife's crazy
- cat takes a whizz on it.
- 1555
- 01:15:28,213 --> 01:15:29,646
- Oh.
- 1556
- 01:15:29,648 --> 01:15:31,349
- Yeah, uh, of course.
- 1557
- 01:15:31,351 --> 01:15:33,417
- Well, the "Home Sweet Home" collection
- 1558
- 01:15:33,419 --> 01:15:36,254
- has an optional stain-resistant fabric.
- 1559
- 01:15:36,256 --> 01:15:37,454
- Excellent.
- 1560
- 01:15:37,456 --> 01:15:39,223
- Come right this way, sir.
- 1561
- 01:15:39,225 --> 01:15:41,857
- Now, this textile has the
- look and feel of cotton,
- 1562
- 01:15:41,859 --> 01:15:44,295
- but totally kicks blemishes to the curb.
- 1563
- 01:15:44,297 --> 01:15:47,132
- Perfect. Does it come in tropical print?
- 1564
- 01:15:48,267 --> 01:15:50,667
- - HANNAH: Morgan!
- - Oh, jeez.
- 1565
- 01:15:50,669 --> 01:15:53,438
- Did you eat all the Bismarcks? There's
- not gonna be enough for the clients.
- 1566
- 01:15:53,440 --> 01:15:57,442
- I'm sorry. I'm a little
- upside down right now.
- 1567
- 01:15:57,444 --> 01:16:00,811
- Oh, Grady. Grady finally
- got his revenge last night.
- 1568
- 01:16:00,813 --> 01:16:02,413
- He what?
- 1569
- 01:16:02,415 --> 01:16:03,515
- Oh...
- 1570
- 01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:04,983
- Yep.
- 1571
- 01:16:04,985 --> 01:16:06,784
- - Who was it?
- - I don't know,
- 1572
- 01:16:06,786 --> 01:16:09,788
- but up in here, she looks like
- Jessica Rabbit, only sexier.
- 1573
- 01:16:09,790 --> 01:16:13,459
- I'm sorry. You can't be that surprised.
- 1574
- 01:16:13,461 --> 01:16:15,461
- No, you're right, I'm not.
- 1575
- 01:16:15,463 --> 01:16:16,995
- Can we look on the bright side?
- 1576
- 01:16:16,997 --> 01:16:18,396
- We have more donuts?
- 1577
- 01:16:18,398 --> 01:16:21,199
- No. Now, in Grady's stubborn mind,
- 1578
- 01:16:21,201 --> 01:16:23,068
- the scales have finally been balanced.
- 1579
- 01:16:23,070 --> 01:16:25,203
- He's shot his spiteful
- wad, and we both know
- 1580
- 01:16:25,205 --> 01:16:27,806
- what happens to guys
- after they blow their load.
- 1581
- 01:16:27,808 --> 01:16:29,208
- They get real.
- 1582
- 01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,410
- It's too late to get real, Hannah.
- 1583
- 01:16:31,412 --> 01:16:35,249
- I mean, it is over. It is over
- like smoking on planes is over.
- 1584
- 01:16:35,251 --> 01:16:37,317
- I'm telling you, if he was
- to walk in here right now
- 1585
- 01:16:37,319 --> 01:16:39,151
- and get down on his knees
- 1586
- 01:16:39,153 --> 01:16:41,254
- with the Hope Diamond, I
- would not take him back.
- 1587
- 01:16:41,256 --> 01:16:43,356
- Fuck him.
- 1588
- 01:16:43,358 --> 01:16:48,427
- Fuck him and his... His dreamy blue eyes.
- 1589
- 01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:51,732
- Oh, God, I hope Judy in
- Accounting has mini-Snickers.
- 1590
- 01:16:57,439 --> 01:17:00,107
- Oh, hello there.
- 1591
- 01:17:00,109 --> 01:17:04,580
- Just wanted to pay you in
- advance for the kid's rent.
- 1592
- 01:17:04,582 --> 01:17:06,647
- Just a couple of months.
- 1593
- 01:17:06,649 --> 01:17:07,849
- (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
- 1594
- 01:17:08,583 --> 01:17:10,518
- Stensland.
- 1595
- 01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:11,920
- Thank you.
- 1596
- 01:17:12,655 --> 01:17:14,288
- (SPEAKS PUNJABI)
- 1597
- 01:17:18,728 --> 01:17:21,063
- - Hey.
- - You got a job?
- 1598
- 01:17:21,065 --> 01:17:24,100
- Yeah, my new grindstone.
- 1599
- 01:17:25,401 --> 01:17:27,135
- (CHUCKLES) Well, you look sharp.
- 1600
- 01:17:27,137 --> 01:17:29,773
- - Thanks.
- - Congratulations.
- 1601
- 01:17:30,607 --> 01:17:32,541
- Where are you going?
- 1602
- 01:17:32,543 --> 01:17:35,778
- Ah, get some work done, then
- check into the Four Seasons.
- 1603
- 01:17:35,780 --> 01:17:37,380
- I tormented you long enough.
- 1604
- 01:17:40,884 --> 01:17:43,020
- You slept with Samantha, I assume?
- 1605
- 01:17:45,958 --> 01:17:49,059
- No, I didn't. I couldn't.
- 1606
- 01:17:50,629 --> 01:17:52,061
- (CHUCKLES)
- 1607
- 01:17:52,063 --> 01:17:54,365
- Well, you know,
- 1608
- 01:17:55,534 --> 01:17:57,967
- the heart pumps blood into the penis,
- 1609
- 01:17:57,969 --> 01:17:59,435
- but when that heart is broken...
- 1610
- 01:17:59,437 --> 01:18:02,570
- - Oh, God, give me a break.
- - ...the penis...
- 1611
- 01:18:02,572 --> 01:18:05,408
- My penis wasn't the problem, dumbass.
- 1612
- 01:18:05,410 --> 01:18:07,578
- And if you're so smart about this stuff,
- 1613
- 01:18:07,580 --> 01:18:09,780
- why did she fuck around
- on me to begin with?
- 1614
- 01:18:09,782 --> 01:18:11,714
- - With you!
- - I don't know.
- 1615
- 01:18:11,716 --> 01:18:16,086
- Isn't marriage supposedly
- harder than pole vaulting?
- 1616
- 01:18:16,088 --> 01:18:19,522
- My parents lasted for four
- years and threw in the sponge.
- 1617
- 01:18:19,524 --> 01:18:22,259
- You and Morgan prevailed for 15.
- 1618
- 01:18:22,261 --> 01:18:24,128
- But after 15 years of anything,
- 1619
- 01:18:24,130 --> 01:18:27,297
- even something good is bound
- to fritz a little, right?
- 1620
- 01:18:27,299 --> 01:18:30,299
- I don't know if it's been good
- for a long time, Stensland.
- 1621
- 01:18:30,301 --> 01:18:32,704
- Whose fault is that, do you think?
- 1622
- 01:18:32,706 --> 01:18:35,708
- I'm sorry, but why don't you just go home?
- 1623
- 01:18:35,710 --> 01:18:37,107
- To Morgan.
- 1624
- 01:18:37,109 --> 01:18:40,012
- You know she's sorry! You are too!
- 1625
- 01:18:40,014 --> 01:18:43,080
- Because everything has changed, that's why.
- 1626
- 01:18:43,082 --> 01:18:45,650
- No, look, your love has just been tested.
- 1627
- 01:18:45,652 --> 01:18:47,919
- Like Aladdin in the Cave of Wonders,
- 1628
- 01:18:47,921 --> 01:18:52,156
- or when Wonka's golden ticket-holders
- got Everlasting Gobstoppers.
- 1629
- 01:18:52,158 --> 01:18:54,691
- You passed the test, Grady.
- 1630
- 01:18:54,693 --> 01:18:56,629
- You still love each other!
- 1631
- 01:18:56,631 --> 01:18:59,564
- Sometimes, you have to
- lose somebody completely
- 1632
- 01:18:59,566 --> 01:19:03,435
- before you can figure out
- what they really mean to you.
- 1633
- 01:19:03,437 --> 01:19:06,106
- Why don't you go and tell her that?
- 1634
- 01:19:07,641 --> 01:19:11,576
- I appreciate you caring.
- It's not that simple.
- 1635
- 01:19:11,578 --> 01:19:12,645
- Goodbye, Stensland.
- 1636
- 01:19:14,048 --> 01:19:16,380
- Your butch ego is getting in the way
- 1637
- 01:19:16,382 --> 01:19:19,487
- of your happiness, you asshole!
- 1638
- 01:19:19,489 --> 01:19:21,720
- You're really not going to her?
- 1639
- 01:19:21,722 --> 01:19:24,359
- No, I am not going to her.
- 1640
- 01:19:25,027 --> 01:19:30,363
- Okay. Well... I am.
- 1641
- 01:19:30,365 --> 01:19:33,600
- You wanna know why she
- cheated on you? The truth?
- 1642
- 01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:35,269
- It's because of me.
- 1643
- 01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:37,505
- I'm the romantic and sensitive type of man
- 1644
- 01:19:37,507 --> 01:19:39,607
- Morgan knows she should've married.
- 1645
- 01:19:39,609 --> 01:19:42,542
- All I had to do was pay
- her one gooey compliment,
- 1646
- 01:19:42,544 --> 01:19:45,579
- and those waterlogged
- panties hit the floor.
- 1647
- 01:19:45,581 --> 01:19:46,582
- Ker-splash.
- 1648
- 01:19:47,517 --> 01:19:49,284
- Your wife is the finest piece
- 1649
- 01:19:49,286 --> 01:19:51,517
- of ass and boobs I've ever tasted,
- 1650
- 01:19:51,519 --> 01:19:54,221
- and I'm going right back
- to her office, right now
- 1651
- 01:19:54,223 --> 01:19:56,257
- to get me some more!
- 1652
- 01:19:56,259 --> 01:19:58,827
- Son of a bitch. Stensland!
- 1653
- 01:19:58,829 --> 01:20:02,131
- My tongue is gonna be in her
- vagina so long, it'll pickle!
- 1654
- 01:20:02,133 --> 01:20:04,164
- I'm gonna make her go...
- 1655
- 01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,400
- (IMITATES MORGAN MOANING)
- 1656
- 01:20:06,902 --> 01:20:08,603
- All over again!
- 1657
- 01:20:08,605 --> 01:20:11,106
- Come on. I'm gonna fucking kill you.
- 1658
- 01:20:11,108 --> 01:20:12,976
- You don't deserve her! I do!
- 1659
- 01:20:12,978 --> 01:20:15,643
- I'm gonna bury you, dig
- you up, and kill you again!
- 1660
- 01:20:15,645 --> 01:20:17,212
- I'm killing you.
- 1661
- 01:20:17,214 --> 01:20:18,982
- Hey, girls.
- 1662
- 01:20:19,751 --> 01:20:21,649
- Sorry.
- 1663
- 01:20:21,651 --> 01:20:23,919
- - (GULPS) I owe you one.
- - No problem, sweetheart.
- 1664
- 01:20:23,921 --> 01:20:25,957
- Stensland, you little prick!
- 1665
- 01:20:26,724 --> 01:20:27,923
- Ooh.
- 1666
- 01:20:27,925 --> 01:20:29,257
- Must be the husband.
- 1667
- 01:20:29,259 --> 01:20:31,128
- - I guess so.
- - Mm-hmm. I'd tap that.
- 1668
- 01:20:35,066 --> 01:20:37,933
- (SPEAKS PUNJABI)
- 1669
- 01:20:37,935 --> 01:20:39,336
- STENSLAND: Not now, Muumuu!
- 1670
- 01:20:40,939 --> 01:20:42,372
- Stensland!
- 1671
- 01:20:46,878 --> 01:20:48,078
- Ooh!
- 1672
- 01:20:48,881 --> 01:20:50,081
- (SCREAMS)
- 1673
- 01:20:56,655 --> 01:20:57,656
- (BARKING)
- 1674
- 01:21:01,561 --> 01:21:04,361
- Stay! Stay! Stay!
- 1675
- 01:21:04,363 --> 01:21:06,363
- Stay! Stay, stay!
- 1676
- 01:21:06,365 --> 01:21:09,501
- What the... Those are
- $2,000 pants, asshole!
- 1677
- 01:21:09,503 --> 01:21:11,167
- Morgan needs a fresh young buck,
- 1678
- 01:21:11,169 --> 01:21:13,237
- not a bitter old nelly! Fuck you!
- 1679
- 01:21:13,239 --> 01:21:14,607
- Son of a bitch.
- 1680
- 01:21:18,977 --> 01:21:20,613
- What the hell do you want?
- 1681
- 01:21:20,615 --> 01:21:22,248
- - GRADY: Stensland!
- - (YELLS)
- 1682
- 01:21:23,849 --> 01:21:26,386
- Hey! Hey!
- 1683
- 01:21:26,388 --> 01:21:28,422
- Come back here, you little shit!
- 1684
- 01:21:35,827 --> 01:21:37,596
- Son of a bitch!
- 1685
- 01:21:37,598 --> 01:21:38,599
- (GRUNTS)
- 1686
- 01:21:40,767 --> 01:21:42,568
- Where the fuck...
- 1687
- 01:21:44,005 --> 01:21:45,503
- - Counselor?
- - Tiny!
- 1688
- 01:21:45,505 --> 01:21:47,106
- Carrot-top,
- half-pants, which way?
- 1689
- 01:21:47,108 --> 01:21:49,241
- Through the house. Want a knife?
- 1690
- 01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:50,976
- No, I'm good. Thanks, Tiny.
- 1691
- 01:21:50,978 --> 01:21:54,113
- Re-draw hearing Tuesday!
- Judge's chambers! Don't be late!
- 1692
- 01:21:54,115 --> 01:21:56,483
- That's my lawyer.
- 1693
- 01:22:02,322 --> 01:22:04,789
- I'm gonna put my willy in her!
- 1694
- 01:22:04,791 --> 01:22:06,224
- Son of a bitch!
- 1695
- 01:22:09,332 --> 01:22:11,030
- Fuck you!
- 1696
- 01:22:11,032 --> 01:22:12,598
- Die, fucker.
- 1697
- 01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:14,368
- Taxi! Sorry.
- 1698
- 01:22:21,310 --> 01:22:24,079
- So, where to, gentlemen?
- 1699
- 01:22:28,917 --> 01:22:30,150
- Okay.
- 1700
- 01:22:32,187 --> 01:22:33,722
- (PANTS NERVOUSLY)
- 1701
- 01:22:33,724 --> 01:22:35,691
- - Going up, in her vagina.
- - You little bitch.
- 1702
- 01:22:37,160 --> 01:22:38,527
- (GRUNTS)
- 1703
- 01:22:38,529 --> 01:22:40,194
- So, what impact does traditional
- 1704
- 01:22:40,196 --> 01:22:41,996
- earned media have in the marketplace?
- 1705
- 01:22:41,998 --> 01:22:43,263
- Well, I'm going to tell you.
- 1706
- 01:22:43,265 --> 01:22:45,800
- - (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- - Oh, shit.
- 1707
- 01:22:45,802 --> 01:22:47,302
- Call the paramedics!
- 1708
- 01:22:49,472 --> 01:22:51,438
- Now you're going to get
- the ass-kicking you deserve.
- 1709
- 01:22:51,440 --> 01:22:53,273
- Could you just free my windpipe?
- 1710
- 01:22:53,275 --> 01:22:55,476
- - No.
- - I'm getting an erection.
- 1711
- 01:22:55,478 --> 01:22:57,645
- MORGAN: Call security, please.
- 1712
- 01:22:57,647 --> 01:23:00,217
- (STAMMERS) I'm really
- sorry, everyone. Um...
- 1713
- 01:23:00,816 --> 01:23:03,118
- I apologize.
- 1714
- 01:23:03,120 --> 01:23:07,690
- We are going to have to
- reschedule this. I'm so sorry.
- 1715
- 01:23:08,560 --> 01:23:10,460
- So...
- 1716
- 01:23:10,462 --> 01:23:13,498
- HANNAH: Okay, folks. I'll call you
- tomorrow to reschedule. Thank you.
- 1717
- 01:23:15,366 --> 01:23:18,503
- - Sorry.
- - The pitch was blown anyway.
- 1718
- 01:23:20,205 --> 01:23:21,872
- Thank you. Grady.
- 1719
- 01:23:22,808 --> 01:23:25,309
- Hannah.
- 1720
- 01:23:25,311 --> 01:23:28,378
- Four weeks, I've been
- working on that presentation.
- 1721
- 01:23:28,380 --> 01:23:31,782
- Morgan, he's come to apologize.
- 1722
- 01:23:31,784 --> 01:23:35,318
- - Wait, hang on.
- - Yes, you did, Grady.
- 1723
- 01:23:37,322 --> 01:23:39,221
- Morgan,
- 1724
- 01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,856
- you should've seen how he reacted
- 1725
- 01:23:40,858 --> 01:23:43,959
- when I told him I was coming
- here to fuck you again.
- 1726
- 01:23:43,961 --> 01:23:48,400
- He was transformed into
- a violent love werewolf.
- 1727
- 01:23:48,402 --> 01:23:51,303
- Cursed not by the bite
- of another love wolf,
- 1728
- 01:23:51,305 --> 01:23:57,508
- but by his ferocious, undying
- love for you, his luminous bride.
- 1729
- 01:23:57,510 --> 01:24:00,177
- This romance has teeth, people.
- 1730
- 01:24:00,179 --> 01:24:04,882
- Your saga puts me in mind of
- Napoleon and Josephine in many ways.
- 1731
- 01:24:05,919 --> 01:24:07,719
- - Despite adultery and...
- - Stensland.
- 1732
- 01:24:07,721 --> 01:24:09,556
- Yeah? Oh.
- 1733
- 01:24:15,895 --> 01:24:17,563
- Come on, Grady.
- 1734
- 01:24:20,435 --> 01:24:21,868
- (SIGHS)
- 1735
- 01:24:22,971 --> 01:24:24,937
- We wouldn't have burst in like this
- 1736
- 01:24:24,939 --> 01:24:27,539
- if I'd known that, you
- know, the pitch was today.
- 1737
- 01:24:27,541 --> 01:24:30,008
- Oh, but how would you have
- known about this pitch?
- 1738
- 01:24:30,010 --> 01:24:31,511
- It didn't involve you.
- 1739
- 01:24:32,378 --> 01:24:34,179
- It doesn't matter.
- 1740
- 01:24:34,181 --> 01:24:36,250
- Hannah's right. It was
- screwed from the beginning.
- 1741
- 01:24:36,717 --> 01:24:38,117
- Really?
- 1742
- 01:24:38,119 --> 01:24:40,319
- But you're the best
- PowerPoint player in the game.
- 1743
- 01:24:40,321 --> 01:24:41,822
- Yeah, well, you know what?
- 1744
- 01:24:41,824 --> 01:24:43,455
- Not on the day that my husband calls me
- 1745
- 01:24:43,457 --> 01:24:44,624
- to tell me he screwed someone else.
- 1746
- 01:24:46,328 --> 01:24:47,527
- Right.
- 1747
- 01:24:48,564 --> 01:24:50,197
- He's gonna fuck this up.
- 1748
- 01:24:50,199 --> 01:24:51,764
- No, he won't.
- 1749
- 01:24:51,766 --> 01:24:54,199
- Come on, Grady, give her the straight shit.
- 1750
- 01:24:54,201 --> 01:24:56,237
- Listen, Morgan, I, uh...
- 1751
- 01:24:57,472 --> 01:24:59,472
- I lied about that.
- 1752
- 01:24:59,474 --> 01:25:02,042
- I didn't sleep with anybody.
- 1753
- 01:25:02,044 --> 01:25:04,679
- I tried, but I didn't.
- 1754
- 01:25:05,246 --> 01:25:06,680
- Why not?
- 1755
- 01:25:06,682 --> 01:25:09,684
- Because I couldn't stop thinking about you.
- 1756
- 01:25:11,219 --> 01:25:12,719
- And about us.
- 1757
- 01:25:14,156 --> 01:25:15,556
- That's good.
- 1758
- 01:25:17,959 --> 01:25:21,229
- I owe you an apology, and I get that now.
- 1759
- 01:25:21,231 --> 01:25:22,964
- Grady, what do you get?
- 1760
- 01:25:22,966 --> 01:25:26,500
- That I'm the one that
- screwed up our marriage.
- 1761
- 01:25:26,502 --> 01:25:30,872
- I neglected you, and I abandoned us.
- 1762
- 01:25:30,874 --> 01:25:34,375
- And your firm took off,
- and my career took off...
- 1763
- 01:25:34,377 --> 01:25:38,113
- I tried. I was trying so hard, Grady.
- 1764
- 01:25:38,115 --> 01:25:39,681
- I know you did.
- 1765
- 01:25:39,683 --> 01:25:43,318
- I saw it. But I was stupid, and I was lazy,
- 1766
- 01:25:43,320 --> 01:25:47,688
- and I took you, the only woman
- I've ever been in love with,
- 1767
- 01:25:47,690 --> 01:25:51,227
- I took you for granted, just like a...
- 1768
- 01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:53,030
- An asshole.
- 1769
- 01:25:54,297 --> 01:25:55,831
- And I'm sorry, Morgan.
- 1770
- 01:25:57,135 --> 01:26:00,268
- But assholes can learn.
- 1771
- 01:26:00,270 --> 01:26:04,974
- And I think, in a positive
- way, our love has been tested.
- 1772
- 01:26:04,976 --> 01:26:10,112
- Not unlike Aladdin in the Thunder Cave,
- 1773
- 01:26:10,114 --> 01:26:15,553
- or even Willy Wonka when
- he was giving food away
- 1774
- 01:26:15,555 --> 01:26:17,586
- - to the homeless.
- - What?
- 1775
- 01:26:17,588 --> 01:26:19,855
- He's getting Wonka all wrong.
- 1776
- 01:26:22,659 --> 01:26:25,962
- Oh, Grady. I'm sorry, too.
- 1777
- 01:26:26,431 --> 01:26:27,897
- (SIGHS)
- 1778
- 01:26:29,601 --> 01:26:31,969
- Look, I do know one thing.
- 1779
- 01:26:31,971 --> 01:26:35,939
- Sometimes you have to
- completely lose somebody
- 1780
- 01:26:35,941 --> 01:26:39,509
- before you can really
- appreciate what they mean to you.
- 1781
- 01:26:42,882 --> 01:26:45,716
- Fucker.
- 1782
- 01:26:45,718 --> 01:26:48,586
- - I'm almost impressed right now.
- - Oh, don't be.
- 1783
- 01:26:48,588 --> 01:26:50,688
- Grady subconsciously knew what I was doing.
- 1784
- 01:26:50,690 --> 01:26:52,323
- - You think?
- - Yeah.
- 1785
- 01:26:52,325 --> 01:26:54,761
- He's too mule-headed to
- come see her on his own,
- 1786
- 01:26:54,763 --> 01:26:56,794
- so I just gave him an
- excuse rooted in an emotion
- 1787
- 01:26:56,796 --> 01:27:00,333
- he's comfortable expressing.
- Blind, vengeful fury.
- 1788
- 01:27:00,335 --> 01:27:02,400
- Hmm.
- 1789
- 01:27:02,402 --> 01:27:05,003
- On second thought, that is pretty
- impressive. Admire me accordingly.
- 1790
- 01:27:05,005 --> 01:27:06,673
- - (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- - (CHUCKLES)
- 1791
- 01:27:09,277 --> 01:27:11,175
- (SIGHS)
- 1792
- 01:27:11,177 --> 01:27:14,947
- Well, as Mary Poppins and a
- paraphrased Jesus once said,
- 1793
- 01:27:16,183 --> 01:27:17,850
- "My work here is done."
- 1794
- 01:27:19,354 --> 01:27:20,821
- Goodbye, Hannah.
- 1795
- 01:27:21,956 --> 01:27:22,955
- Bye.
- 1796
- 01:27:22,957 --> 01:27:25,058
- - You're welcome.
- - What?
- 1797
- 01:27:35,371 --> 01:27:36,869
- Hey!
- 1798
- 01:27:36,871 --> 01:27:37,770
- Oh.
- 1799
- 01:27:37,772 --> 01:27:39,905
- We wanted to thank him.
- 1800
- 01:27:39,907 --> 01:27:41,839
- Yeah, well, it'll have to wait.
- 1801
- 01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:46,112
- He's on to his next adventure. Or whatever.
- 1802
- 01:27:46,114 --> 01:27:50,918
- He seems different
- somehow. Like, I don't know.
- 1803
- 01:27:50,920 --> 01:27:53,487
- Like a big, beautiful condor
- 1804
- 01:27:53,489 --> 01:27:57,457
- that people will respect and fear.
- 1805
- 01:27:57,459 --> 01:28:01,661
- "I can't believe that used
- to be Stensland," they'll say.
- 1806
- 01:28:01,663 --> 01:28:04,899
- "I can't believe that
- used to be Stensland."
- 1807
- 01:28:08,278 --> 01:28:13,278
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
- 1808
- 01:28:17,280 --> 01:28:18,713
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- 1809
- 01:28:25,321 --> 01:28:26,854
- <i>♪ Hi, everybody</i>
- 1810
- 01:28:26,856 --> 01:28:28,690
- <i>♪ I'm Archie Bell of the Drells</i>
- 1811
- 01:28:28,692 --> 01:28:30,326
- <i>♪ Of Houston, Texas</i>
- 1812
- 01:28:30,328 --> 01:28:32,727
- <i>♪ We don't only sing but we dance</i>
- 1813
- 01:28:32,729 --> 01:28:34,395
- <i>♪ Just as good as we walk</i>
- 1814
- 01:28:34,397 --> 01:28:35,699
- <i>♪ In Houston</i>
- 1815
- 01:28:35,701 --> 01:28:37,633
- <i>♪ We just started a new dance</i>
- 1816
- 01:28:37,635 --> 01:28:39,334
- <i>♪ Called the tighten up</i>
- 1817
- 01:28:39,336 --> 01:28:41,772
- <i>♪ This is the music
- we tighten up with</i>
- 1818
- 01:28:44,041 --> 01:28:46,210
- <i>♪ First tighten up on the drums</i>
- 1819
- 01:28:47,478 --> 01:28:49,845
- <i>♪ Come on now, drummer</i>
- 1820
- 01:28:49,847 --> 01:28:51,915
- <i>♪ I want you to
- tighten it up for me now</i>
- 1821
- 01:28:52,683 --> 01:28:53,883
- <i>♪ Oh, yeah</i>
- 1822
- 01:28:54,952 --> 01:28:56,754
- <i>♪ Tighten up on that bass now</i>
- 1823
- 01:28:57,755 --> 01:28:59,489
- <i>♪ Tighten it up</i>
- 1824
- 01:28:59,491 --> 01:29:01,725
- <i>♪ Ha, ha, yeah</i>
- 1825
- 01:29:01,727 --> 01:29:03,661
- <i>♪ Now let that guitar fall in</i>
- 1826
- 01:29:06,430 --> 01:29:07,630
- <i>♪ Oh, yeah</i>
- 1827
- 01:29:10,202 --> 01:29:11,203
- <i>♪ Oh, yeah</i>
- 1828
- 01:29:14,540 --> 01:29:16,006
- <i>♪ Tighten up on that organ now</i>
- 1829
- 01:29:19,746 --> 01:29:21,614
- <i>♪ Yeah, you do the tighten up</i>
- 1830
- 01:29:22,314 --> 01:29:23,847
- <i>♪ Yeah, now</i>
- 1831
- 01:29:23,849 --> 01:29:25,784
- <i>♪ I said, "If you can do it now</i>
- 1832
- 01:29:27,019 --> 01:29:28,785
- <i>♪ "It sure would be tough"</i>
- 1833
- 01:29:28,787 --> 01:29:30,420
- <i>♪ Now look here</i>
- 1834
- 01:29:30,422 --> 01:29:32,724
- <i>♪ Come on now Now make it mellow</i>
- 1835
- 01:29:35,628 --> 01:29:37,661
- <i>♪ Let's tighten it up now</i>
- 1836
- 01:29:37,663 --> 01:29:39,562
- <i>♪ Do the tighten up</i>
- 1837
- 01:29:39,564 --> 01:29:41,665
- <i>♪ Everybody can do it now</i>
- 1838
- 01:29:41,667 --> 01:29:43,033
- <i>♪ So get to it</i>
- 1839
- 01:29:43,035 --> 01:29:45,036
- <i>♪ We're gonna tighten up</i>
- 1840
- 01:29:45,038 --> 01:29:47,305
- <i>♪ Let's do the tighten up</i>
- 1841
- 01:29:47,307 --> 01:29:48,840
- <i>♪ You can do it now</i>
- 1842
- 01:29:48,842 --> 01:29:50,876
- <i>♪ So, baby, get to it</i>
- 1843
- 01:29:50,878 --> 01:29:52,777
- <i>♪ Look to your left now</i>
- 1844
- 01:29:52,779 --> 01:29:53,979
- <i>♪ Look to your right</i>
- 1845
- 01:30:10,999 --> 01:30:14,333
- <i>♪ Tighten it up You can get it</i>
- 1846
- 01:30:14,335 --> 01:30:16,135
- <i>♪ Move to your left</i>
- 1847
- 01:30:16,137 --> 01:30:18,072
- <i>♪ Move to your right</i>
- 1848
- 01:30:18,074 --> 01:30:19,838
- <i>♪ Tighten it up now</i>
- 1849
- 01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:21,741
- <i>♪ Everything will be outta sight</i>
- 1850
- 01:30:21,743 --> 01:30:23,810
- <i>♪ Come on and tighten it up</i>
- 1851
- 01:30:23,812 --> 01:30:25,644
- <i>♪ Tighten it up now</i>
- 1852
- 01:30:25,646 --> 01:30:27,180
- <i>♪ You can do it ♪</i>
- 1853
- 01:32:53,300 --> 01:32:55,001
- (LAUGHING)
- 1854
- 01:32:56,706 --> 01:32:57,873
- That is delightful and witty.
- 1855
- 01:32:57,875 --> 01:32:59,475
- I know.
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