- K so this will be as brief as I can make it, cos I didnt plan on even writing this, but I figured I owed an explanation for whoever is interested, and if noone is then maybe someone can relate, and if not then idk I guess I just wasted 5 minutes of my life which I dont mind doing.
- So yeah, I have decided to leave PS pretty much permanently, which for whoever actually knew me shouldnt come as much of a surprise. For me PS has always been about tournaments, they are the only reason I got addicted in the first place. I think aside from the fact that I did like the game, it was more that I felt that I was fairly good at competitive mons, and people tend to like what they are good at **cue brooding Jon Snow #GoTSeason8Hype**. However, as I mentioned several times to those I spoke to on a more frequent basis, around the start of 2018, or to be more precise after ompl, I pretty much started losing interest in comp mons, and mons in general. It got to the point where I really wasnt enjoying playing tournaments at all, but for some strange reason I kept entering them. I still dont know why, but I think I was hooked on success, like I didnt enjoy them but I liked winning so I still entered. This to me is just unhealthy, and maybe some of you can relate idk.
- So yeah that was bad enough, but around the time of OMGS playoffs, mons started messing with my uni too. Term had started, and originally I had explicitly stated that if omgs playoffs went into my third term, I would quit the tournament. However I was unable to do so, and I ended up continuing to play in it, and all the other tours that I was still in. Now for me this was just awful, cos ive always been able to basically eliminate all other distractions and focus on studies when I needed to, but this was the first time where something else held an external hold on me that I wasnt in full control of. Like I wasnt even trying, I was just asking people for teams about 30 mins before my matches, or reusing old teams, never practiced and played like total shit, idek how I got as far as I did, but nonetheless I wasnt able to simply walk away from it and that pissed me off. The best description I have for it is a vicious cycle, where its just a lose lose lose. I lose cos I dont enjoy it, I lose cos I literally am losing as im not putting in any effort, and I lose cos im losing time I needed to spend on uni. Fortunately I was able to finally put mons away around 2 months ago, I wont say I tried to lose in omgs, but I did not try to win really, cos another win woulda kept me attached for a further week and I simply couldnt afford that.
- Now having come out of mons for a bit, I honestly feel like its just time I move on. I dont see the point in tempting fate and rejoining in the hope that I both start enjoying it again, and am able to regulate my usage, most likely at least one of those things wont hold up, and I will end up back in that vicious cycle, so yeah im taking this oppurtunity to move on.
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