Pocket Ponies™ Blurbs

Random blurbs

-~-~-

I would want Pocket Applejack. She'd teach me about time management and saving up money, and plus she could tell me advice that would help while I was doing work stuff or chores.

>Now come on, Anon! It's like Ah've been tellin' you, wax on, wax off!
These are dishes AJ!
>Can't y'all just appreciate a reference?
AJ stahp.

>Are we inna grocery store? Do Ah even have to tell you what you should be buyin', sugarcube?
I already got apples, AJ.
>Good, good. What kind? Ah want to make sure you ain't feeding yerself somethin' nasty.
AJ plz, I'm a grown man.
>Not with yer bathroom lookin' like that you aren't! Didn't yer mama ever teach you one thing about cleaning?
You made me do this. Mute Mode.
>*Very quiet "land's sakes" from pocket*

-~-~-

>I buy Pocket Rarity.
>She spouts several catchphrases such as 'beautiful dresses!' and 'Sequins! It needs more Sequins, Darling!' as well as pointless motivational things at strange times, completely unrelated to my current tasks.
>She has a daily regimen that her AI follows, but it is clear that is no deeper than a Bethesda radiant quest; it consists of completely basic things such as wandering near my SmartSink(TM) for a 'bath' before wandering to my SmartToaster(TM) for a non-existent breakfast.
>After spending roughly 5 seconds at each SmartStation(TM) she will emit a 'Wahaha!' before speaking another catchphrase, which are only sometimes related to the task.
>She has the ability to understand very basic questions such as "What time is it, Rarity" or "What's the weather like, today?"
>Extra phrases and recognized queries can be downloaded for a small fee, hundreds to choose from!

-~-~-

>pocket pony
>has the same features as
>--your computer
>--your phone
>--your watch
>--your music player
>--your tablet
>--your television
>--your toaster
>--every other piece of technology in your house
"So Rarity. What can you do that makes you special enough not to leave in a corner somewhere to collect dust?"
>"Well, I can sit right here in your pocket looking absolutely adorable and insult people with my posh accent."
>She flutters her eyelashes at you
"Eh, good enough."

-~-~-

>Years down the line
>Pocket poner has been with you through all turns of life
>Helped you out from the tightest corners
>Grown to be genuinely close with her and she with you - true friends.
>But she's getting... a bit long in the tooth
>"I'm sorry, Anon. My memory module must be corrupted, I'm missing that data."
"Those were my parents' pictures..."
> She huddles down, ears falling and staring at the desk she sat on.
> "I know, Anonymous. I'm... not functioning as well as I used to."
"...well, we'll just have to run another diagnostic."
> "Diagnostics aren't going to help, Anonymous."
> Not anymore.
> Maybe a decade ago, but not now.
> One little hoof scuffs at the desktop.
> "You - you need to start thinking about purchasing an updated model."
"You can go right ahead and shut the fuck up."
> "It's for the best, Anonymous. I know I'm not the Pocket Pony I used to be, and you deserve what's best for you."
"The hell with that. I'm not putting a good friend of mine in the trash."
> "Anonymous, no amount of diagnostics and system repair processes are going to help me. You have to face it: One day I'm just going to turn off."
> Folding your arms tightly, you turn away.
> Anger, yes - but also so she wouldn't see the tears creeping into the corners of your eyes.
> Her AI might not be capable of fearing death, but that didn't mean you wouldn't fear it for her.
"You're fine. So things happens sometimes - we can deal with it!"
> "But for how much longer? The new models come with all the latest -"
> ...
> Nervously you turn around.
> She lay still on her side, all legs shot straight out like one of those fainting goats - eyes staring out into nothingness.
> You sigh softly.
> Crashed again.
> Gently you tap her nose, provoking a blink, stretch, and wide yawn.
> Your heart swells anew.
> Even after all this time she never ceased to be adorable.
> "I - aaah - I'm sorry. I must've dozed off... what were we talking about?"
"...nothing..."

-~-~-

"Maud, what's this rock?"
>"That's a topaz. It's a silicate mineral that can be many different colors. The fact that it will take a high polish and is very hard makes it popular in jewelry. The chemical formula is Al2SiO4(F,OH)2."
"Cool, thanks Maud."
>"No problem."
"Hey, what about this one?"
>"Quartz. Quartz is one of the most common of all minerals that make up the continental crust. It is found in igneous, metamorphic, and sedimentary rocks. It is associated with many valuable ore deposits as well."
"Awsome, thanks."
>"You're welcome."
>...
"Oh, this one?"
>"That's a turquoise. It is classed as a phosphate mineral. The chemical formula is CuAl6(PO4)4(OH)8 4H2O a hydrous phosphate of copper and Aluminum."
>You two keep doing this for hours as you pick through the grass for interesting rocks until Maud finally convinces you to go to bed at midnight.
>Not that she wanted to stop either, she was just programmed to watch out for your general health.

-~-~-

"Alright team, listen up!"
>Talking, laughter
"Team?"
>General conversation
"Team!"
>Din of voices
"Shit."
>You reach in your pocket and take out the miniature microphone you carry around with you
>In the other you take out your portable Luna with additional voice enhancement
"Now where is the audio jack on this thing...?"
>"Master?"
>Ah, there it is, right under the tail
>"M-Master?"
>Insert the plug
>"A-Ahh- TEAM! QUIET DOWN! THIS PRESENTATION IS DUE MONDAY! WE NEED TO FOCUS!"
>As the room settles down, you can speak at a normal volume again and be heard
>You remove the jack causing the tiny Luna to gasp
>"Hnnn!"
"Hm? Oh, sorry, did I wake you?"
>"Th-The least you could do is buy me dinner first before putting it in so roughly."
"What are you talking about?"
>Several of your colleagues snicker before you realize what she meant
>Stop blushing you tiny horse, you're making me blush

-~-~-

"Twilight!"
>"Yes, Anonymous? Do you need help writing a letter? Organizing your schedule? Recommended books based on your interests-"
"Initiate smooth jazz: Careless Whisper."
>As the music boots up from her external speakers, her tiny ears droop
>She knows exactly what time it is
>You unzip, much to the tiny pone's discomfort
"Google search, safety off: Rule 34, Twilight Sparkle."
>Images pop up on your monitor in all their glory
>Awww yeah, that's the stuff
>Your tiny assistant blushes deep red
>Must be her processors overheating
>"I don't know why you insist on making me look up lewd artwork of myself."
"Because making a sentient AI aware humans are sexually attracted to it is my fetish. Just imagine all those hot monkey dicks that have spilled their seed to you the world over. Probably in the millions!"
>She stares off into space in silence, eye twitching as she lets that statement sink in
>Probably malware from all the porn slowing her down
>"Do you have to do it in front of me, though?"
"That's also my fetish."
>"I just don't understand why you would waste as much money as you have on a multi-purpose pocket pony when it's clear you don't wish to use me for anything I'm actually programmed to do."
"Welcome to the modern age, where technological marvels are built just to be used for smut and online shopping!"
>"You have a functioning computer, though! Why do you need me for this?"
"You're asking why I would use a sentient, learning AI and restrict its functions to a mindless calculator just to appease my base desires?"
>"Yes."
>You stare at her, hard
>Her shoulders slump and she sighs
>"Of course. It's your fetish, isn't it?"
"Damn skippy."
>"You're a sadistic bastard."
"Not yet I'm not. Google search, safety off: Meatspin."
>You spent the rest of the night fighting your possessed electronics with your dick hanging out