super ktkm and ooi adventures 12

Those words.  I wasn't wanted. Wasn't needed.

A surge of emotion flows through my head as I stare blankly at Kitakami.  I only break away when I feel sharp pain in my shoulder. I didn't even realize I was clutching at it so hard.  If this is what she wants...

	“Fine. I wouldn't want to stay any longer with someone as bitter as you anyway.”

I have to force the words out, half truths.  Kitakami's eyebrows furrow in anger, but she doesn't say anything.

It's the most awkward feeling.  Packing away everything you own into a dufflebag, while a pair of eyes bore into your back, a silent whip. It's true she doesn't really have any authority of the sort to kick me out, but what's the point of staying? Even if it does blow over, nothing will change and things will just repeat.

I stop at the threshold.  Part of me wants to apologize, but that thought is quickly cast away.  I settle for just a look back at Kitakami, her face impassive, before turning towards the open door and into the night.  It's not until a warm breeze passes over my face that I realize I need to actually find a place to sleep.  I could ask for a new room, but that would be selfish and probably refused anyway, since there isn't enough space for everyone to have their own room.  Yuubari isn't an option either; as excited as she would to be to have me over, she's on good terms with Kitakami.  I wouldn't want to ruin that.  That only really leaves one choice.

-

I can hear music from this side of the door. As I reach for the door I notice how slick my palms are, what's going on? I knock a few times.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOu1nOTQA7A]

Shiranui opens the door. Her hair's down and is only wearing a t-shirt and her bike shorts.
“Ooi. It's late and..” She pauses, tilting her head slightly to look at the dufflebag I'm carrying before returning her gaze to my eyes... probably all red. “Is something wrong?”

“I'm not.  I'm not. Staying with Kitakami anymore.  I wanted to know if I could room with you.”
Shiranui doesn't reply immediately. I can't tell what she's thinking at all. She makes eye contact again, and I can feel the intensity.
“This is going to be a  blunt question. Are you doing this to get back at Kitakami?”
The question hurt, to have my integrity doubted already. But Shiranui was the one with the resources, so it makes sense she could ask whatever she wanted.  I can't meet her eyes when I respond.
“She was the one who wanted me gone.”
“That doesn't answer the question.”
“No!” My voice cracks. “I still l... I don't dislike Kitakami.”
Silence.
I can't take it. I'm about to turn away when Shiranui grabs my wrist.
“You can room here as long as you wish.”
- - -

“You can use this dresser, I don't use it.  I'll clean off the bottom bunk for you.” It looks like she was making a scrapbook or something.  “You certainly came at an interesting time. I sortie tomorrow morning. Our group is due to meet up with Tone and Chikuma.”  I suddenly feel terrible again. Imposing like this.
“I had no idea.”
“It shouldn't be a problem. It's not quite bedtime yet.”
It seems Shiranui has some nice speakers hooked up to the laptop on her desk.  “It's done.” Shiranui announces as she steps back from the bottom bunk; all nicely made with a corner of the top blankets folded down to form a right triangle. A perfect invitation.  “I won't ask about what happened between you, but I will listen if you wish. I'm going to get ready for bed.”

As Shiranui goes to brush her teeth I finish unpacking the few things I own.  As I climb into the bottom bunk Shiranui clicks a few things on her laptop, turning down the music.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Hpb2gp4mtc]

Afterwards the lights are turned off and I hear her climb into the top bunk.

“If I don't make it back, don't feel as if you need to keep my pictures up.”

I tried to imagine myself taking them all down. For some reason it really hurt.  “That's not something you should be thinking about before you sleep.”
“Well, what should I be thinking about?” Shiranui replied.
I didn't have a quick answer for that.
“How did you start getting all those pictures anyway and learning about history anyway?”
“When we came back we all knew how to talk, correct? How to dress, eat, walk, fight. We could at least function on our own in a basic society.  But I realized just how little I knew of the world. Of anything. It bothered me. I decided that the best place to start was from the beginning. The history of the world and how it came to be today.”
“That seems like a really big task.”
“I wanted to better myself. War isn't something new. It's important to learn from the past.”
“Did you just want to be a better fighter?”
There's a few quiet breaths before Shiranui responds. “I'm not sure.”
“I don't think thats the case. You really seem to know a lot.”
“I... I don't feel like I'm that smart. Choukai is much smarter than I am.”
I smile a bit, she can be soft too. “Maybe at math. I bet she doesn't know all the things you do.”
“Maybe you can answer this, Ooi.  Do you know why the Admiral always seems to avoid Kongou?”
I laughed silently at this.  There was probably a lot of reasons.  “He's probably just a little intimidated by her.”
“I don't really understand. How is she intimidating? She's always trying to do things for him.”
“Well, maybe not in the traditional sense... He's probably not sure how to respond to her. She can be very pushy.”
“So you're saying he doesn't like her at all?”
I shake my head, even though she can't see me. “It's not like that at all... I think. Kongou idolizes him, and I think that puts a lot of pressure on Goto.  Maybe he's a little scared of not living up to her expectations. You know how straightforward Kongou is.”
“It seems more complex than I thought...”

- - -


Nnn.... I'm still in bed but it looks like Shiranui is about to leave.  I'm not sure the sun is even up yet.  I wondered if I should say goodbye, but I couldn't find the right words.  I've always fought with Kitakami, so I never really had to see her off.  I give a silent prayer of good luck for her.