Dirty Johnny

The dirtiest joke ever told:
It was 40 years ago, 1978. A class of students and a single teacher named Ms. Jezebel are talking about personal stories with morals. She's talking to little Lucy about her father working at the hatchery. "My dad Ron was asked to load a dozen eggs into a horse driven cart, so he loaded them all up into a basket and set about on his way to the market. When he got to the market, he noticed that all of the eggs had cracked, wasting away weeks of waiting and work." Ms. Jezebel asks what the moral to the story is, and little Lucy replied, "The moral is, 'Don't put all of your eggs into one basket." Ms. Jezebel says, "That's a wonderful moral, Lucy! Anyone else have a story that they'd like to share?" Tiny Tina raises her hand and says to Ms. Jezebel, "I have one, it's about my father at the hatchery." "God bless the hatchery", Ms. Jezebel thought, for we'd all be lost without it. "Good, Tina! Tell us about your father's job at the hatchery." Tiny Tina replied, "Thank you, Ms. Jezebel! My father Tom was told to count the unhatched eggs and write the count down onto a piece of paper for the boss. There were half a dozen hatched chickens and 3 eggs. He counted the eggs before they had hatched, tallied them all up, handed it to the boss, and has done his job. But when time came, only 1 of the eggs had hatched, making his tally incorrect. The market had already paid for the 2 extra eggs and now the boss would have to give the money back." Ms. Jezebel asked, "What's the moral to that story, Tina?" To which she replied, "Don't count your eggs before they hatch." Ms. Jezebel said, "Another wonderful story, Tina! Now who else has a story they would like to share?"
Dirty Johnny had one. And he had had his arm up for quite some time now.
Ms. Jezebel thought, "Oh no, not again. But there's nothing that could go wrong when it comes to stories with a moral..." So she let Dirty Johnny speak. "My uncle never had no job at the hatchery because he was in 'Nam and he now collects disability for his bad knee. And of course his psychosis. His platoon never did like him, so one day while he slept, they abandoned him with nothing but 3 bottles of Jack and a Kalashnikov rifle. He immediately drank down all the bottles of Jack, for he knew that he may soon be dead. He then set out, looking for revenge on his platoon, with hate in his guts. He didn't them, but he did find a small village. He wasn't sure if they were foes or friendlies, so he opened fire, arcing his rifle in a 180° arc. Like a scythe in a field. He had killed every villager in the area, when he noticed that his pants felt wet. He felt shame, for he had pissed himself. Upon looking down, he realized that it was not piss, but ejaculate & his member was erect. He now felt pride where shame once was." "Jesus, Lord in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, what kind of moral could that story possibly have, Johnny?!". Johnny retorted back, "Don't fuck with my uncle when he's drunk."