Episode 1: Saber Danger


[scene: shot of the Faye Empire's space station]

[As Sigurd goes through his monolog, images of his home planet and Alpha Lyrae (the Vega system) cut in.]

Sigurd: The Faye Empire. A totalitarian force that rules over 7,000 star systems; including my home, Alpha Lyrae. For years my family struggled to make ends meet on Eos, farming and doing what they could to get by.

[Shot of a Faye Empire ship landing in front of a young Sigurd and his family, with a few soldiers rushing out]

Sigurd: That's when-

[Cut to a sleek-white futuristic room with three bunks]

Aleph: Oh my gooood, are you giving us your life's story again? Morgan, make him stooooop!

Morgan: Sigurd, leave it to the executioner. I'd rather not get an earful from him when he finds you've been boring people to death.

(Sigurd squints his eyes and turns back to the window)

Sigurd: I owe my life to the Empire. They've given us everything we could possibly want. How can you just sit around so nonchalant as they fight to keep the galaxy at peace?

Morgan: We're waiting for orders from the CO, Sig.

Sigurd: It's been six days!

Morgan: I'm well aware. You haven't shut up since day one. Honestly, it feels like it's been an eternity with you talking constantly.

Aleph: I'm bored. Didja ever finish that new weapon you were working on, Morgan?

Morgan: As a matter of fact... here. I call this one the "light sword".

(Morgan presents a gold hilt with some fancy embroidering. Sigurd and Aleph look at each other, then back at Morgan.)

Aleph: Well... it DOES look pretty light. Guess a blade would just make it heavy...

Morgan: No, you idiot. Press the button on the side.

(Aleph looks inside of the hilt. Morgan grabs his hand and tilts it away from his face)

(Lightsaber-like waving happens, Aleph starts goofing off with it as Sigurd and Morgan talk)

Sigurd: Impressive, Morgan. How did you manage to create such a fantastic device?

Morgan: Well, it wasn't easy, bu-

(Aleph drops it and it sinks through the floor)

Morgan: GOD DAMN IT ALEPH!

Aleph: Hey, I didn't cut through the floor; your stupid sword did.

Morgan: We could be sucked out into space if it burns through the hull! We need to get it back!

(The gang runs out of their quarters and to the nearest elevator, only to find a sticky note with a smiley face and "S.O.L." written on it

Sigurd: Damnation! The elevator is out of order!

Morgan: The access stairs!

(All three begin stumbling down the many flights of stairs)

Aleph: Why... the hell... do we need... stairs in space?

Morgan: Shut... up...

(They stop at floor 221 and open the door)

Morgan: It should be falling through here in about 2 minutes. We should have enough time to catch out breaths and work out a way to catch i-

Faye Grunt #1: Hey! Didn't you guys hear the alarm?!  Rebels are attacking and are about to bust through the door any moment!

Faye Grunt #2: We need backup!

Faye Officer: The rebels cut off power to the elevator. Our reserve units are stuck until we get a technician working on it... Where the hell is he?!

Faye Grunt #3: Sir, we just got word at our technician was sliced in half by some sort of beam on the 243rd floor!

Faye Officer: Then we'll just have to pray for a miracle...

Sigurd: We need to get the hell out of here!

Morgan: No! We have to get the light sword!

(An explosion at the end of the hallway, followed by men in bright uniforms charging into the room, firing lasers and killing off all the Faye soldiers)

Aleph: Ohgod ohgod hold me Morgan

Sigurd: That's MY hand you're holding, idiot

Aleph: ... They're really soft...

Moron: Shut up! Look!

(A scruffy man in his late 30's steps out)

Dex Yargby: Attention to all Faye Empire scum still breathing, this is Dex Yargby! We're going to be taking the plans for your latest starship and be on our way! If any of you had common sense, you'd ditch this giant target before you become stardust around Luxor 6's rings. Come on guys, let's split.

(The light sword burns through the ceiling and cuts Dex in half, along with burning the plans he had in his hand. It then proceeds to melt through the floor and disappears.)

(The rebels look around, scared and confused. They all then drop their weapons and raise their hands)

Rebel: We surrender!

(Morgan, Aleph, and Sigurd all look at each other)

[Scene: our heroes are on a stage in front of the entire Faye army, receiving a medal for their heroic act]

(Location: Faye Empire's Planet of Central Operations )

Lieutenant Heinlein: And so, thanks to the quick thinking of these three soldiers; the rebel scum has been crushed beneath our boots once again. Glory to Faye!

Faye Empire: Glory to Faye!

Sigurd: Why so down, Morgan? It's rare that someone recognizes our talents! You should savor it.

Morgan: You know, I can't help but think we forgot something... oh shi-

(The spacestation, which is visible from the sky, blows up)

-End