The Worst Christmas Ever
- >It was Christmas Eve
- >You were staring at the fireplace, contemplating throwing yourself into the flames.
- >It was nearly Christmas Day and your wish to Santa still hadn't been granted.
- >You sent him a letter this year, asking him to make you into a cute little pony.
- >You were so depressed throughout the year that you decided it was the only option left.
- >Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door, the clock striking midnight.
- >Curious, you head for the front door and open it.
- >It's Santa Claus. He's real?!
- >"HO HO HO!" He said merrily, because his expression became rather serious and his tone lowered. "Listen, Anon, we need to talk."
- >Confused, you allow Santa to enter your home as he sits on a chair, taking a deep breath.
- >"Listen, Anon, you're 32 years old. You have no job, no income and yet the only thing you've wished for is to become a pony, just like you have for the past 7 years."
- >You see him face palm, trying to have a lot of patience with you as he sighs heavily.
- >"Is this really what you want? You know that there's no taking this wish back once you make it and I have no idea what will happen if I grant something like this."
- >It was clear from his tone that he was just sick and tired of getting your letters in the mail and just wanted to be done with you.
- >After thinking for a moment, you nod.
- >"Alright, then no matter what happens, I hold no accountability for the end result."
- >He starts doing his Christmas magic and you soon pass out.
- >"JANET! THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT COLOR! CHRISTMAS IS RUINED FOREVER!"
- >Jesus Christ, what is that Hellish noise?
- >You wake up to see some snot-nosed brat screeching like a banshee, throwing a tantrum in what appears to be a massive mansion.
- >"I WANTED A PINK PONY, NOT AN UGLY STUPID RED ONE!"
- >She has tears streaming down her face as she starts throwing presents and ornaments everywhere in a destructive rage.
- >A woman who appears to be the girl's mother tries to calm her down by meekly saying, "W-Well, maybe Santa didn't have any pink ponies this year, Hannah! Don't you wa-"
- >"SHUT UP, JANET, YOU STUPID BITCH! I TOLD SANTA I WANTED A PINK PONY FOR CHRISTMAS! I WANT A FUCKING PINK PONY FOR CHRISTMAS!"
- >As you try to block out the maniac's screeching, you notice you now have hooves. Red ones in fact. You get a look in a glass reflection to notice that you are now a red pony with a violet mane, and you're one fine ass mare at that.
- >Not that it matters to Little Miss Bitchy here
- >"I DON'T WANT HER! GET THAT STUPID ANIMAL OUT OF HERE!"
- >She then starts kicking you and punching you, which is more than you can take as you stand up and buck her into the wall.
- >She actually shut up.
- >Wait, it looks like she's dead, her lifeless limbs hanging limply out of a hole in the wall in a cartoony fashion.
- >The mother breaths a sigh of relief.
- >"Thank god. I thought she'd never die. Now I can sell the horse to our redneck neighbors for some more crack."
- >You were then shipped off to some trailer trash family in the middle of nowhere that had a hard on for ponies and often liked to recreate a gender flipped version of Mr. Hands starring you. Your life was a living hell.