what again

I'm still shaking. She's gone. God, it feels so good. I want to die.

We'd said our goodbyes before I went through with it. I really didn't want her to leave me. This sick life in the dark, preying on the living and hiding in the shadows, may have been insane, but it's all I had. She would hold me close as that beast ran rampant in my head, shredding hunger through my stomach, and she would pet my hair and tell me that someday it would all be alright. It was my duty, now, to carry on the secrets of transcendence for my newfound kind. She told me she'd already reached that state, and that she knew that I could one day join her.

I still don't understand just why I took all she said at face value at first, but gradually, I saw the truth to her words. She guided my hands and taught this beast how to heal and help in ways I never could before. Together, we worked miracles, and she whispered in my ear the tales of how we had been usurped. Greedy outsiders stole our power, left us fragmented and broken.

Even as a fragile fledgling, those words took an eager root in my mind, and though there was love, there was also a growing hatred for those who had deprived the world of these miracles. I said nothing, but in my head I was already plotting out courses to track down these usurpers and get proper revenge. I never told her of this darkness, but I know she would have been ashamed of me.

One day she approached me. She held me close and told me that it was time. She'd warned me before that the day would come where she would want me to destroy her, body and soul, so she could pass on her full potential. It was the first time I ever remember crying, and she dried my tears. She understood, but it had to be done.

She is ash and bone now, staining my fingers. Those fingers tighten and I drop to the floor and it feels like every single time we ever slept together. Oh, god, but she's gone now. Gone but I can still feel her in my head. I still feel her love and her guidance and moreso now than ever I know what I have to do.

I have become a happy soldier in pursuit of a new duty.