Mom to heart

Covet: Rochelle was sitting on the couch scrolling through the local shelter's website looking at all the dogs that were posted up. She'd sent the boys off to the store, because they were driving her nuts. They might as well be doing something useful if they felt the need to be themselves.
Alexithymiaa: -Steph was also sitting on the couch with Rochelle, her intent to look at dogs with her since she was so invested in everyone adopting shelter dogs. After getting a decent amount of sleep on New Years after drinking, she hadn't had as much luck since and therefore was sort of slumped into the corner, battling her lids open. "Anything?"-
Covet: "There's a couple that look like they could be a good fit. One's a Blue heeler and the other is this mix of German sheppard and beagle... he's not the prettiest pup in the bunch, but he's got character." She said to Steph, looking over at her. " You look pretty tired over there, kiddo, everything okay?"
Alexithymiaa: "It's not about how pretty they are, it's about their personality. I think you should go check them out." She said as she moved her hand over her mouth to stifle her yawn. "I'm okay. Just tired. I haven't slept well the last couple of nights."-
Covet: "Oh I'd much rather have character and personality over Pretty." She said as she kept scrolling. "Oh no, I definitely need to go in and see her. Just her name alone Lady Thunderpaw." Rochelle leaned over to show Steph the picture of the dog [ https://www.dogbreedinfo.com/images30/ChowShepherdGSDChowChowGermanShepherdLadyThunderPaw12YearsOld3.jpg]
Alexithymiaa: -She pried her eyes open to look at the page Rochelle was showing her of the dog, smiling softly. "She has the cutest ears I've ever seen. You definitely need to go in and meet her."-
Covet: "We can go in tomorrow, Since you guys aren't leaving until Saturday." Rochelle said, then gave Steph a concerned look. "Have you considered asking your doctor for something to help with the sleep, and nightmares? I know you're already on a fair amount of medications, but if it helped give you some sort of temporary relief, then wouldn't it be benefitial?
Covet: *"
Alexithymiaa: "I'd love to go in tomorrow with you." She gave a shrug, slumping back down to be comfortable again. "The only thing they would give me is sleeping pills, and it's not a medication I'm comfortable taking. I don't even know if they would even recommend that since my doctor is apparently concerned with my heart. The wine helped the other night, but I don't really want to get drunk every night just to sleep."-
Covet: "Yeah, that's definitely not a road you want to go down, especially not with Felix. I know you guys occasionally smoke marijuana right? Does that help at all?" She asked trying to gain some insight.
Alexithymiaa: "I know that. And we do smoke, but it kind of just makes it easier to fall asleep. From the research I've done, if you take any sort of break from smoking, your dreams actually get more vivid and smoking every single day is another thing I'd prefer not to do to my lungs. I just don't know if there's a good solution."-
Covet: "Well, smoking isn't the only way to ingest such things. I know that's hard for you, however given the evils you're dealing with, it would help aid both." Rochelle said broaching the subject carefully.
Alexithymiaa: "I... don't think that's a very good idea right now." She spoke cautiously, leaning her head into the couch pillow so she didnt have to actually make eye contact with Rochelle.-
Covet: "Can you explain to me why not? Because I'm having a difficult time understanding what about that idea isn't good." She asked her in a soft spoken tone." She asked her.
Alexithymiaa: "Because it's just going to make me sick. It's not going to do anything other than create more problems and emotional turmoil." She moved her hand to rub underneath her glasses, a convenient excuse to continue to avoid Rochelle's face.-
Covet: "It might for a little while, but it wouldn't stay that way. I just don't want to see you slipping back into old behaviors. Felix is already pretty stressed over it, and that makes me worry for you both. You've got a bright future ahead of you. I'd hate to see you lose that."
Alexithymiaa: "Jeez, you sound like he's been feeding you lines." She said with a little bit of an attitude because he'd said the same thing only a few days ago. "You have nothing to worry about. I've got it under control."-
Covet: "If anything I've been feeding him words, We do talk often." Rochelle said, giving her a look. "No you don't. And that's okay. But that's something that you need to stop denying. You don't have to do all of this on your own. And if you expect to have a happy marriage, you can't push him away everytime something like this happens."
Alexithymiaa: "What did he tell you?" She asked, sitting up a bit now that she was a little worried that Felix had been airing more of her dirty laundry than she'd realized. "I'm not pushing him away, but there isn't anything he can do. This is always going to be something I have to do for myself. He's always been very supportive, but that's all it can ever be. He can't take steps for me."-
Covet: "He's told me pretty much everything. But it's nothing you need to be ashamed over or concerned that I'm going to judge you on. I can't even begin to imagine what all you have to deal with, but I'm here to be supportive to." Rochelle said, "The difference between me and him, is that he can't give you a mother's support. I know that's a big part of why you chose to take this on yourself , because you've never had that in your life, until now." She said putting her arm around Steph's shoulders. "You're right he can't take the steps for you, but he can encourage you and push you to take them yourself. He doesn't do it to be mean, he does it because he cares, and it's hard when he feels like he's trying to push a brick wall."
Alexithymiaa: "I appreciate your support, but it doesn't eliminate years of hearing her voice over my shoulder telling me I need to be better. Smarter, faster, smaller, prettier, more successful. She's respected the fact that I didn't want her in my life anymore, but I still think about that all the time. And somehow it translates into if I can just push a little harder, just another day, everything will be better." She paused, dropping her chin. "I feel like I'm so brainwashed into thinking that this is how I can make things better, regardless of what the issue is." Letting out a sigh, she shook her head. "I've got news for you, if it wasn't this, it would be something else he'd be pushing agaiinst a brick wall about. Stubbornness is a family trait."-
Covet: "But does it get better when you do that?" Rochelle said. "If not then you're doing it just to punish yourself, and for why? You've done everything she's ever asked and more. You don't need to seek her approval if she's not a part of your life anymore. You're making an improvement, because you at least recognize that you feel that way. Now you just have to act on it, and make the right choices, not fall back on bad habits, because that's what you know. You'll never evolve and become the person you want to see yourself as,not your mother, if you keep defaulting back on her expectations." Rochelle told her, "Well lucky for you, I've raised two equally as stubborn boys, so It doesn't phase me, and I also know that it won't phase him either. He'll be frustrated but he won't stop."
Alexithymiaa: "I've made a lot more progress than most people even know. I used to walk around squinting because she told me that glasses made me unattractive so I refused to wear them. I kind of just said fuck it a few years ago when my inability to see overcame her nagging voice. And my hair..." SHe trailed off, bringing a hand up to push over her hair. "Everytime I feel like I hear her influence, I change it to something I know she would hate." She forced a smile because that was even sort of an asshole move. "I've learned. He's just as stubborn and just as competitive. We're dangerous."-
Covet: "Fair enough, and where you've made all of that progress, there's still more room for you to grow, because there's no limitations to what you are capable of. I happen to like the hair, It's not what I'm used to seeing you in, but I like that you're expressing yourself, whether that's out angst or defiance, Your mother hasn't stiffled your spirit, even in the slightest." She gave Steph a hug, "But that also makes you great together, because you'll always push each other to be the best you can, in the right ways, for the right reasons."
Alexithymiaa: "I know. And I'm well aware that my struggles are temporary until I can get back on my feet." She glanced down at her bracelet, pushing her fingers over it to send Felix a little ding. "I really hope expressing myself out of defiance works for me because I was hoping to make a career out of it."-
Covet: "Hey it's working for you so far Kiddo. There's nothing wrong with reinventing yourself, so long as you come out better for it on top. Otherwise, you're just destroying yourself, not reinventing yourself." She said giving her another hug. "Tell you what, I'm going to make it a habbit to call you every Sunday. Just to check in with you, tell you I love you, make sure my son isn't driving you nuts. I know it's not much, but I'm hoping that it helps, just to know that you have a mom that's there for you."
Covet: *// Felix sent a buzz back rather quickly to Steph, they were on their way back with grocery things.
Alexithymiaa: -She leaned in to return Rochelle's hug, trying to battle back the emotional that was overwhelming her because MOMMMMMMMM. "Thank you. To save you the question, yes he is driving me nuts, and yes it's fine. Skip that part." She smiled, leaning back so she could look at Rochelle. She felt the buzz on her wrist and looked down, seeing the bracelet light up.-
Covet: Rochelle held her close and rubbed her head. "Oh I know. Just remember it's not Malicious." She said with a light chuckle. "He's just really good about being annoying. Now, how about tonight, you and I do our own movie night in my room. I know you're pretty tired, and you might not stay awake, but I'm not all that tired, so at the very least if something wakes you up, I'll be right there."
Alexithymiaa: "Oh I know. Everyone has their own talents. His is the ability to be incredibly annoying. I've accepted it." She chewed on the inside of her cheek, considering the invite. "I guess we can do that..."-
Covet: "Don't worry. I'll make sure you're safe. Everything will be alright. Besides, Felix gets to spend all his time with you, and you're leaving in a couple of days, and I am in desperate need of girl time, with my daughter." She said. "He can deal with it."
Alexithymiaa: -She smiled because that statement made her happy, nodding her head. "Okay. We can do that. And is there any chance we'll be adding another daughter to the mix any time in the future? I feel like I've never actually heard Seb mention anyone."-
Covet: "I'd like to hope so, but I'll probably get a grandchild from him before I get another daughter. It's okay I've accepted this too." She said with a smile.
Alexithymiaa: "I don't think that's unusual for a guy his age. I'm sure things will change a little over the next few years. Bryan was like that too. It just takes the right person, sometimes." She shrugged, standing up from the couch and lifting her arms over her head to stretch.-
Covet: "I'm not worried. Both of them are finding their own ways in the world as adults, and I couldn't be happier of all of my kids." She stood up, "I'm going to go get us a couple of waters, and get changed into some pajamas on then we can bunker down in the bedroom. The boys should be home and can put the groceries away."
Alexithymiaa: "They better put the groceries away. It's a basic task." She said as she rolled her eyes, already giving them flack before they even did it wrong. "Okay, I'll be in there in a few. Pick a musical." She said with a smile because she knew it was the only time that Rochelle had someone to enjoy musicals with. She walked off to Felix's bedroom to get a few things for movie time.-