Thread 21: Stories 16-30

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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~~

>Are you sure about this?

[You wish to test the new limits you have obtained, do you not? Well then, pick up your staff and give it another shot!]

>Thou speaks as if this were some staff of mystical nature! Tis not but a bubble walker with scribbles most playful written all over it! And yet, your own lack of confidence is showing as you hide behind a rock, as if I were to burst into flames at the slightest moment!

'...Are you not?'

"TRIXIE!"

'What!? The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie was not here for any other time you did this, she has no idea what you is going to happen! He could turn into a cabbage for all Trixie knows!"

[Before my headache begins to worsen, I ask you to stop speaking in third person.]

'YOU are complaining to TRIXIE about speech patterns?'

[...Point...]

>Well, as the great Changelings of old once said 'what's the worst that could happen?'

"...Didn't most of them di-"

>HNNNNNNGGGGGGNNNNNNNN!

~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, to recap... it was a meteor. Let's get our story straight, various members of multiple species! A meteor came down and exploded everything."

'Trixie has not problem with this.'

[I am already spinning a tale so very high, of the stone that fell from the sky!]

>GLARBL!

"...You ever think maybe the guy just isn't suited for holding a lot of power?"

'It is looking like that, yes. From Trixie's angle. Tis a shame that not many can contain the sheer power held in Trixie's form!'

[...]

'WHAT!?'

>GLRGL!

'...So how long does he normally take to get back to normal?'

"Bout a day."

'Fantastic! Then Trixie is going to raid his fridge! AWAY!'

"...jerk... he's cute when he's unconscious."

[He is...]

"...Sooo.... you're a zebra?"

[...]

"...I am not good with smalltalk."

>GLAK!
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>Mane-iac
"SA"
~~~~

>LUMINOUS SHIELD! I have a need of your POOOOOOWWWWWEEEEERFUL influence!

"You know what? Sure. I'm game. You seem like the least crazy pony who proposes stuff to me."

>...

"...I know what I said."

>GOOOOD, MY ONCE GREAT FOE!... I need you to sign off on this land allocation form, please.

"...Mmmmm... nope. Good try, Pinkie!"

{I'M NOT HERE!}

"Yes you are, I can clearly see you."

{NU-UH! See that top up there? No Pinkie, so clearly I'm not actually here! I'm... I'm an action bracket! And that's when Shining Armor, ever the trusting fellow, signed off on the...}

"...Really?"

{...CURSE YOU, SHINING ARMOR! YOU WIN THIS ROUND, BUT I WILL BE BACK! I WILL BE BAAAAAAAAAAACK!}

*FWOOOOM!*

>...That mare's nuts.
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>Pinkie Pie
~~~
>Oh, no! Not again! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! Please don't make me watch Marty Ingles again! I swear-

Pinkie pie shuts up for a second to let the narrator speak.

>... SECOND'S PASSED! GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Pinkie pie shuts up for a full minute and lets the narrator speak!

>...

Good, now look, we notice you've been trying to insert yourself into various stories. Don't think we didn't see you draw mustaches on everyone in the Cave Descent arc opener. And lately, you've been harassing Shining Armor, who you have almost nothing to do with.

>He's my friend's brother-

Not enough. Let me finish, if you want to have story time, you have plenty of hooks. Why not visit your friends? Shoot to the breeze with them like old times.

>They're always busy though... I'm sad and lonely...

We understand, Pinkie, but as the element of laughter, you have to find a way to bring joy to them even as they toil. Doesn't making something hard and difficult fun and relaxing sound like something you'd like to do?

>Yeah...

Not only that, but you could even just do your job and deliver cakes and confections to royalty, or your friends. There's an in hook for you right there!

>Yeah! Wow, thanks, creepy, narrator! I'm glad you didn't make me watch and enjoy White Chicks.

Don't worry, you will know when you are getting close to White Chicks. Now take care, Pinkie Pie, and bye bye!

>Byeya!

And Pinkie happily bounces off, back behind the fourth wall. Hehehe. Crazy pony.
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>Chitania
" Satanist ponies "
~~~~

>...Well?

"SHHH! We must have perfect concentration during the ritual to summon the dark lord!"

>Well, I'm getting impatient. I held up my part of the bargain and obtained your materials, it took you forever to make the pentagram, and now you're saying you need more time? I'm starting to think I found another dead end.

"Oh yeah? Well, you're going to regret it! Just like all of the doubters regretted it!"

"Yeah! Once you see him your mind is going to blow!"

"And if you don't start showing some respect, he's going to make you blow something else with your head!"

>The. Horror.

"Now, dark lord of the eternal flame, we call you forth! COME FROM THE WORLD BEYOND TIME, AND REAP THE SOULS OF THE NON-BELIEVERS!"

""""RISE!""""

A massive plume of flame erupted from the center of the pentagram, washing upwards and blowing a perfect circle within the ceiling. The sound of stone crunching against skin reverberated through the room, tingling her hidden chitin with it's vibrations. A wicked grin spread across her lips as she smelled the sulfur, felt the energy coming off of the plume of darkness kissed flames, and saw the bending of the waves of flame as something seemed to emerge.

Her last sense, hearing, was suddenly overwhelmed as what sounded like a little filly shrieking in terror rang out.

And then all went quiet.

"...WHAT!? What happened!?"

"I don't know! We did everything right!"

"I could of sworn it was working too! But then it was gone!"

"M-maybe we just need to try it again? We almost had it, I'm sure!"

"Yeah, that's it, we just need you to go get some more..."

The grin had long since given way to a deep, angry frown.

"Um."

>I do not like being tricked.

"W... we aren't-"

>Those materials are very rare, very very expensive too... how odd that you made these things... 'disappear'...

"It... that's just how it works-"

>Do I look stupid?

"N-n-n-n"

>I think you think I look stupid.

"N-nooo, we-"

>You know what looks stupid?

"Uh..."

>You. Face down on the floor... bleeding out.

"NO WAIT-"
~~~~~

She left about twenty minutes later, every single member of the 'religion' in various broken states scattered around the room.

{Psst!}

Slowly, the one conscious remaining cultist's attention was drawn to the very center of the pentagram, were a tiny little hole was visible in the center.

{PSST!}

And a tiny little eye was peering up through that hole.

{Is she gone?}

"...I... I really hope so..."

{Oh, good... she's crazy, man. You don't want to fuck with that.}

"Yeah...HRK!"

Silently, he prayed that wasn't his liver.

"I-I noticed."
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>Spike
“Rarity”
‘Blueblood’
~Rekulk~
{???}
_______

There was no way to naturally tell what time it was when your surroundings were a constant swath of dark and some oddly glowing rocks but by the strain felt on their bodies, the group concluded that it had to be night. And if it wasn’t, it sure as hell was now.

Luggage dropped to the ground and sleeping bags were pulled free, placed in a tight circle around a single pulsing stone. It went without saying that lighting a fire was far too costly as it might draw out more Deep Grubs or other eldritch creatures from this tomb lost to time.

>How the hell anything survives down here is beyond me….

‘You want to know what I find partially chuckle-worthy about that?’

“Not in the slightest but from past experience I know that once an idiot starts they must finish, so do go on, Blueblood. What is chuckle-worthy?”

‘Your copious layers of make-up, firstly.’

“…you limp-dicked excuse for a-”

‘And after that, we came down here to find a potential threat to the Equestria, this unholy fusion of spider and Changeling, but so far we’ve come across things that present a far more pressing danger to the world at large. We’ve seen things down here that I’ve only heard mentioned in scared whispers by elders of the before time. Canterlot is essentially sitting atop a verifiable breathing ground for the malformed and demented.’

>…
“…”

Rekulk pointed with a hoof, suddenly euphoric.

~Ah! Aha! That is the sickly humor, is it not?~

>Dark humor, Re-up. Some very, very depressing yet truthful dark humor….

~I am learning!~

>Yeah, learning… anyway, can you take first watch, Re-up? After what Blueblood just said I need a few hours to cry- I mean, sob uncontrollably- I MEAN, rest….

~I can have TWO watches for I have two eyes! That is good, yes?~

It was with a fatigued face that Spike blinked at Rekulk, standing there so proud of his two watchful eyes, and then he just flumped down onto his bag.

>Can someone please… just explain to him what a ‘watch’ is in this scenario? Please?

‘It means that while we sleep, Rekulk, you watch out for anything that might try to harm us. Can you do that?’

~Ahhhh, so that is a watch. Very well, Blood of the Blue one, I will protect my traders!~

“Spikey? Can I, uh… snuggle up to you? This floor is absolutely filthy and-”

‘Without her extra large prosthetic dragon dong back home to satisfy wanton urges, she figures you’ll do just fine.’

“SHUT UP RUFFIAN!”

~What is… dong?~

Spike lifted the flap of his bag invitingly.

>Doesn’t matter to me, Rars.

“Eeeee!”

>I’ll face away just to be sure but don’t be shocked if you feel something, well… pointy.

“Oh dear, don’t stifle yourself for my sake! If you must grow, then grow! I wouldn’t mind at- mmph… at all….”

‘That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest, but if you two engage in such nasty acts, try and keep it silent, will you? Some of us are actually mission-orientated here.’

>Shut up, Blueballs, it’s not like that.

‘I honestly don’t care one way or the other, dragon. Good night. Er, morning. Whatever.’

>…ass.

“Ignore him, darling, and scootch on over here, it’s a tad chilly…”

~~~~~~

Ever vigilant, Rekulk strode back and forth in front of his blissfully snoozing trader friends, eyes widened to the surrounding darkness. As a former resident, he could easily feel a myriad of creatures waiting just out of striking range, possibly because they knew what he was, and that he knew most of their weaknesses.

A sudden presence from above caused Rekulk’s ear to twitch but the nature of it was so laughably benign that he saw no reason to deal with it, even as it began to non-stealthily drop from the leaking ceiling.

{I can do this… I can do this… I can do this….}

And the fact that it was absentmindedly speaking aloud to itself in a boosting manner was only further cause for Rekulk to ignore it, devoting his efforts towards the other more volatile creatures. The Blood of the Blue one said to warn them of things that might cause harm, but he could sense not a single malicious bone in that things odd body.

{Which one, though? Which one…? Dragon or pony? Pony or dragon? Drany or Pagon?}

The eight-legged mass continued to fret as it slowly revolved on a thin piece of thread.

{Pony! There, yes, pony! I’ll take out the ponies first!}

Rekulk figured now was a good time to offer some advice, his gaze never leaving the shadows.

~You may want to take the dragon first, spiderthing.~

{Why?}

~Because they are tough to beat! You take the strongest first!~

The spider creature blinked, then all of its legs gave an excited tremble.

{Ooooh, right, right! Dragon first!}

Then it leapt from the sky, falling towards a sleeping Rarity and joining its limbs together into a makeshift spear… that did absolutely nothing when it snaked in under Rarity’s arm and began wriggling about.

“Ah… ahahaha, mmmmspiiike, pfffft….”

The fashionista writhed about next to Spike, giggling as she squeezed him in closer.

{…darn it, why isn’t her skin falling off? Did I mess up again? What about right here…?}

The creature tickled harder, deeper, really working those limbs but only succeeding in bringing about a jovial round of strangled laughter.

{I’m… I’m doing something wrong, aren’t I? She’s not dying. Why isn’t she dying? Whenever my queen did this bodies exploded and skin peeled right off! Is this dragon that strong…?}

~…that is the pony, not the dragon.~

{…}

The spider thing used the strength of its legs to leap up onto a hanging stalagmite.

{I’ll just... yeah, come back later. They must get tough when they sleep, that’s it. You there, you won’t tell them about me, will you?}

Counting at least ten other dire dangers waiting to pounce out of sight, Rekulk barely nodded.

~You not a threat, so no. We come here to find another dangerous spiderthing. They won’t care about you.~

{A-another one like me? That’s DANGEROUS?}

A wave of nausea swept over the creature and it skittered away.

And when the time came for Spike and the others to wake up, Rekulk would keep his word and make not a single mention of the confused oddity that had tried to ‘do away’ with them that night.

Or morning.

Whatever.
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>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>You absolutely cannot.

"I can so. Watch me. You watching? Shooooommm..."

>GIVE ME BACK MY COUCH!

"No! The bathroom doesn't have a chair!"

>So take one of the normal chairs!

"Don't tell me how to live."

>I love that couch! Steal Luna's!

"I did. She blew it up because "If I can't have it nobody can!""

>...Self destructive.

"Kind of a running theme with her, isn't it?"

>Said the kettle about the pot, completely oblivious.

"Look, do you want me to be ready in case fangy the magic dragon pops out with a sunbooty load of monsters on his tail or not? I need lumbar support, damn it!"

>...Take the other couch.

"It has a stain!"

>You are taking it into the bathroom!

"...Fine, but Slasherjack is sitting on the stainy part."

>HE DOESN'T HAVE APPLEJACK IN HIS NAME! THOSE NICKNAMES MAKE NO SENSE!

"...Not following."

>JUST GO!
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>Chrysalis
"77"
~~

"Majesty, I do not need you to stay here, and I certainly do not need you to bring in furniture for me. I am more than comfortable-"

>SIT!

"Highness, really-"

>I order you to sit!

"...Damn."

>That's right. You better sit on this couch.

"...You don't have to-"

>You want snacks? You can't have the good ones, but I'll let you have... those ones.

"They all look the same."

>Well, mine are better. No offense, I just deserve it.

"None taken."

>...

"...You don't have to make sure, I will obey your orders not to go down there."

>Now, see, the fact you brought it up at all is making me suspicious. I didn't bring it up, you did. Now I have to stay here to double check, and it's all your fault. I hope you feel bad about yourself.

"...Sorry, I guess I'm not quite the soldier I was."

>DON'T-...

"..."

>...Don't get so down on yourself, one little mistake isn't the end of the world. You can still be... you know, good, even if you made one little slip up.

"...I suppose so. Though I do hope that mistake doesn't end up haunting me."

>...Ehhh, nothing really you can do about it after the fact... just have to make sure you don't let it happen again.

"...Indeed. Well, you know us Changelings... we learn."

>We do...

"I just hope you can forgive me. If the roles were switched... I'd forgive you."

>...

"...Majesty?"

>It- it's fine, 77. Just... just really like this chocolate bar...

"Good enough to bring a tear to your eye?"

>Yeah... just that good.

A hoof reached out, and playfully rubbed the smaller soldiers head.

>Better than they have any right to be.

It was so nice to see him genuinely smile again.

"Exceeding expectations... can be nice."

Their eyes trained once again on the hole leading to that dark place, relaxing much easier against the couch. For just a moment, neither worried what would come out of there when the time came.

Regardless... they were together.

And they were ready.
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>AJ
"Chrysalis"
'77'
~~~
Applejack stands before he bathroom doors and knocks

"Begone, ye! This bathroom has been proclaimed in name of the Changeling Hives!"

>Kin Ah at least-

"We shall send fourth our messenger!"

'Princess...'

>77.

'I'm terribly sorry about this, the queen's determined to remain in here with me.'

>Ah know, Ah wanna know if Ah kin come in too. Ah'm bringin' in a small desk an' mah paperwork.

'I'll tell the queen, one moment.'

>Tell her Ah brought in mah best couch from mah room, an' some apple fritters.

The door opens wider

"The Changeling Hives recognizes the Princess of Apple Treats and Comfy Couches."
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rarity'
~Rekulk~
-Moth-

>...okay, fucking what?

~What is it, Spike of Scales?~

'Uh...Rekulk, dearie...'

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF AUNTIE ABOVE IS THAT ON YOUR HEAD!?"

Rekulk blinks, then looks up at the fuzzy beast perched atop his head, regarding the group with luminous eyes.

~...ohhhh...shush. It is hunting.~

>Us?

~Hm? Oh no, no not at all. It hunts the Tunnel Stalkers.~

"Tunnel Stalkers?"

~Yes, it is the sole predator of such beasts.~

The creature's tongue unrolls like a party favor and tastes the air.

'So you expect us to just let that thing sit on your head until-'

-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!-

>"'GAH!'"

The creature opens a pair of luminescent wings and flaps its way down a nearby tunnel, screeches and sounds of a mighty struggle are heard, then a wet crack and all is silent.

>"'...'"

~I believe the moth won. Now come, we go down the other tunnel, they can be agitated after a kill.~

The Morlock walks off casually, slowly followed by his fellows.
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>Chrysalis
"Appplejack"
'77'
~~~
>Soooo... Anyone wanna play a game?

"Ah'm kinda busy wit' paperwork."

'I've said before, my queen, you don't have to wait around here the whole time-'

>And I said I would! Now let's play I Spy! Applebutt, your move!

"Ah spah wit' mah eye-"

>Heheheheh! Okay, just listening to you try to pronounce those words is hilarious.

"No more applefritters..."

>THEN YOU HAVE OUTLIVED YOUR USEFULNESS! Begone from the bathroom annex!

"Make me."

>.... Very well then.

Chrysalis jumps up onto Applejack's minidesk

>RUBBING MY BUTT ON AJ'S PAPERS! RUBBIN- YAIEEE! The fuck was that?!

"A tack Ah slipped in there."

>Shiny doesn't keep pointy things on his desk!

"Sorry, ya ain' dealin' wit' Shiny no more."

77 mutters

'I know the Queen was trying to entertain herself, yet I seem to be the one ending up amused by all this.'


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NON CANON
>Cheerlie
"Chrysalis"
'77'
-AJ-
~~~
>Darling, guess who's come to visit you!

'Cheerlie, my dear! Come, we'll move to the other couch.'

>Oh, no need.

Cheerlie smiles and takes a seat right on 77's lap

>Best seat in the house.

-Uhhh... This is sweet an' all, but want be ta give ya some privacy?-

>I'm fine, are you?

'Perfect'

They kiss

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

-Righ', leavin'!-

"WUUUUUSSSSS- Holy crap, are you two actually going- Whoa!"

Chrysalis watches the two making out right next to her, lost in their own little world

"Damn you two, seriously... Get a room- Wait, nevermind, we're in it."

She watches a bit longer

"... Not leaving, I'll just... let you two have the whole couch for where you're going with this. ... Damn that school teacher's kinky."
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NON CANON
~~~
"Hey, Stabberjack, c'mon, wake up! You'll lose points with your girl if you fall asleep post-clitoris."

>I don't mind at all, he looks... At peace when he sleeps. Like the nightmares finally aren't haunting him anymore...

"... He really does look so much happier like that... Happier with you..."

>Chrysalis, are you crying?

"Just... Just some dust in my eyes. I mean they're huge, it happens..."
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>Guard
"Changeling"

>...

"..."

>Can I help you-

"We meet again, fucker!"

>Wait a minute, YOU!

The air between the two generic mooks grows cold as they suddenly drop into combat stances, glaring at each other.

"Thought I was gonna be happy with a draw, you maggot-white cheater!?"

>Draw my ass, you were down and out, I was still conscious! Twitching, but conscious!

"Oh yeah?"

>Yeah!

"Oh YEAH?!"

>YEAH!

"REMATCH! DRILL YARD! ONE HOUR!"

>YOU'RE ON!

The changeling growls and backs away, giving a 'I'm watching you' gesture. The guard glares back, continuing to guard a nondescript door in a nondescript hallway of Canterlot Castle, mentally preparing for war.
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>Pinkie
"Dash"
~~~~~

>DASHYBASHYBOSASHY!

"Hey, Pinkie."

>Oh, wow. I am actually not used to ponies not freaking out when I come out of the tiles in the ceiling. Shiny loses his apple-cookie mind.

"Weird, you think he'd be okay with someone making an explosive entrance."

>...How do you know? You don't really know him.

"I met him a couple times!"

>...

"...Like... at least five! We're practically family!"

>...

"...You don't know!"

>So, whatcha' up ta' Dashie?

"Paperwork."

>Boooorrring!

"Yeah, no kidding, but I'm almost a full third of the way though unraveling all the stupid that's so deeply ingrained in this organization."

>Pffft, you know what you need? To fly. You need to go be Dashie for a bit and flyyyyy around, maybe do a sonic rainboom because everyone likes those.

"...I do have a lot of work-"

>DASHIEPULT!

"PINKIE NO-"

*CRASH!*

>Amazing how much you can get across with a verb.

"PINKIIIIIIIIIIEeeeeeeee......"

>...Three... Two... One...

*ZOOOOMM!*

>See?

"YOU JUST CATAPULTED ME OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

>Thank you Mrs Exposition.

"I'M GONNA... wow, my wings are stiff."

>Aren't they? FLY MY PRETTY! FLY FLY FLY!

"...I could use a bit of a fly."

>Show me something awesome!

"...YOU WANNA SEE AWESOME!?"

>YEAH!

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE AWESOME! CHECK THIS OUT!"

*SONIC-BOOOOM!*

>RAINBOOM!

*Whatever*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"
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>Celestia
"42"
'Guard'
-Changeling-

>Soooo...

"Yep."

>Three hours they've been doing this?

"And eighteen minutes."

'STAY THE FUCK DOWN!'

-NEVER!-

>Who's winning?

"I can't tell, they're kicking up so much dust it's like a damned cartoon."

{Really, anon?}

I'll break out Bio Dome.

{EEP}

>Should one of us-by which I mean you-step in and stop this?

"Honestly, this is the most combat I've seen a rank and file member of the hive accomplish in weeks."

-'EAT THIS!'-

CLANG!

There's silence, the dust clears...both fighters are on their backs, out cold.

>"..."

>Headbutt?

"Ayup."

>Welp, that was interesting for about five minutes, I'm going to go check in on Spike Watch.

"I'll join you."

The two leave the two twitching bodies on the ground.
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