Improvised Fluffy

>you’re sleeping
>it’s pretty late at night, after all
>too bad you live in this shitty neighborhood, though
>thefts, break-ins, muggings, rapes, pretty much everything under the sun is prevalent
>however, you’ve always prepared for these situations
>you’re essentially ghetto Batman
>all that preparation will come in handy tonight
>you’re awoken by your fluffy pony, who sitting on your chest, whispering at you and hitting you
>you don’t know what he’s saying, but you’re too sleepy to care anyways
>why did he have to wake you up this early?
>”What? What do you want?”
>he’s talking at the speed of light, but you manage to catch what he’s saying
>”Daddeh! Dere’s bad men downstaihs!”
>”Huh? Bad men?”
>”Dey wan take all daddeh’s toys!”
>all of your toys?
>wait, does he mean the computer and whatnot?
>oh shit
>burglars
>you bolt upright and get close to your fluffy
>”Alright, you know what to do. You need to go downstairs, and sneak past them into the basement. From there, you’ve gotta head to the-“
>you’re interrupted by your bedroom door being kicked in
>you stare in stunned silence
>”Plan B. Get in the cage.”
>your fluffy hops off of the bed and gets in his carrier
>you pick it up by the handle and run over to the nearest guy
>how they didn’t see or hear you is a mystery
>that doesn’t matter now
>you wind up and smack him in the back of the head
>your fluffy’s (low) weight provides momentum and makes the guy go down like your mother in an Applebee’s alleyway
>”Ouchies! Dat hewt!”
>”Sorry. Curl up into a ball. That’ll hurt less.”
>”Otay, daddeh!”
>you look around, but there’s no one else upstairs
>so you slide down the banister, like a child
>you leap off of it and land
>on your face
>the carrier goes clattering across the floor
>”What the fuck? Jeff, I told you to shut the fuck up and stay quiet. Why do you always need to do this shit?”
>you scramble across the living room and lift the carrier
>you open the latch to the cage
>”Get ready, fluffy.”
>the guy rounds the corner
>you swing as hard as you can, sending the carrier and fluffy in two separate directions
>the carrier is going for the guy’s legs
>your fluffy is headed for his face
>”Weeeeeeeeeeee!”
>fluffy pony latches onto the guy like a leech as the carrier knocks his legs out from under him
>fluffy leaps into your arms as the guy tumbles down
>you kick him in the head a few times for good measure
>time to grab the phone and call the cops
>they come pretty quickly
>the next day, you head to the pet store and buy up every single one of the fluffies
>not only do they make great pets
>but they make excellent weapons