Tyrion - Part 1

>You've been pretty depressed lately
>You're always alone
>You've heard pets make for good company, and make you a better person
>Have heard that fluffy ponies are pretty easy to care for
>Off you go to the local fluffy shelter
>Meet up with the girl at the front counter
>"Oh hi, you called up earlier about adopting a fluffy foal? Just follow me!"
>You do, and enjoy the view on the way
>datass.jpg

>You enter the fluffy foal cages, and are assaulted aurally by the amount of squeaking voices
>"Fwuffy hungwy!" "Whewe mama?" "Oooh, big hooman!" "Pway?" "New Fwend?"
>The girl looks at you and smiles
>"The foals are quite chatty, they get a bit worked up when someone new, like you, comes in to see them."
>You nod, and begin looking in the cages
>Pastel-coloured balls of fluff with eyes so big you could swear they took up half their faces
>"Hewwo, hooman!" "Yoo new daddy fow fwuffy?" "Yoo haf nummies?"
>Hopefully the one you get isn't this... Verbal.

>About 4 or 5 cages along and numerous reiterations of "Pway" later, you find a fluffy that doesn't run up with his friends to the front of the cage as you approach
>He sits there, looking rather solemn
>Gold mane and tail, yellow fluff...
>He also seems a lot smaller than his friends
>One blue eye, one black
"Excuse me? Is there something with this little one?"
>You point to him, and the other fluffies start yelling
>"Bad babbeh!" "No take bad babbeh!" "Bad fwuffy ugwy!"
>The strange fluffy just looks at his cage-mates as if they're not there
>The attendant speaks up
>"Oh, him. He's a runt. A weaker, smaller baby of a litter. His mother died just after birthing him and his siblings, so they ended up here. His brother and sister both tried to hurt him while they were together, it's a miracle he survived this long with other foals."
>You look again at the runt
>He looks up at you and gives a strange, lop-sided grin
>"Hewwo, big man."
"... I'll take him."


>As you say this, the other fluffy foals go berserk
>"WHAA?! Hooman wan BAD BABBEH?!" "Take fwuffy, no bad babbeh!" "Bad babbeh steaw new daddy fwom fwuffy!"
>The start to circle around the runt, the runt trembles slightly, but otherwise shows no fear
>"Huwt bad babbeh!" "Ugwy babbeh!"
>The attendant swoops in and grabs the runt out of the cage before any damage can be done, and speaks sternly to the fluffy foals
>"Bad foals don't hurt other fluffies! Good foals love each other!"
>The fluffies shriek and waddle as fast as the can the back of the cage
>The runt laughs a little and hugs the attendant
>"Nice wady."
>Nice wady indeed, little dude.
>You follow the attendant back out to the office so you can fill out the paperwok
>"Now, have you had any ideas about naming him?"
>You look the runt over and he stares right back at you, smiling the whole while
>"Yoo new owner, big man?"
"... What happened to calling people daddy?"
>"Yoo not daddy, yoo hooman. BIG Hooman. Fwuffy daddy was fwuffy, but he meany. No wike him."
>The lip this fluffy is giving you makes you smile
"You're a cheeky little imp, you know that?"
>Fluffy runt looks thoughtful
>"Imp? Dat fwuffy name?... Fwuffy wike it!"
>He smiles again with that lopsided grin of his
"Alright then little guy... Take a note, lady. His name is Imp."

>Smiling at the little back-and-forth between Imp and you, the attendant writes down the name and finalises things
>Imp looks at the attendant, then at you.
>"Big man, you wan haff speshaw hugs wiff nice wady?"
>You sputter, and the attendant looks shocked
"What the- Where the hell did that come from!?"
>"Nice wady pwetty. Big man wook nice, ow nicew dan ovaw big hoomans. Yoo too make good babbehs. Make good speshaw hugs."
>The matter of fact nature of Imp's statement, coupled with his fluffy logic just makes you and the attendant laugh
>Once the laughter is over, the attendent hands you your paperwork to sign, and a small business card
>"That's my number. Your fluffy had a good idea. You should call me sometime."
>She winks lazily and smiles
"Heh, I might just do that. I'll see you around...?"
>"Sarah."
"Sarah. I'm Anon."

>You leave the shelter with Imp under your arm
"That was AWESOME, little guy."
>Imp smiles away
>"Imp know dat speshaw hugs awe da best. Haff wots of speshaw hugs from udda fwuffies."
>... And he's only how old?
>Oh right, fluffies breed like rats. they start breeding from 3 months or some crazy shit
"Well, you're my pet now, Imp. You keep up stuff like that and you'll be the best pet ever."
>Imp frowns at that
>"Imp no pet. Imp fwend."
>Really? A fluffy that knows the difference between a pet and a friend?"
"... Ok then, friend."
>He's back to smiling again.
>What the hell did you get yourself into?


>You get back home with Imp, and let him explore the living room while you get his basket ready
>Imp climbs up on the couch, and walks around on it
>"Dis ting soft. Imp sweep hewe."
"Imp, I bought you a basket to sleep in, you can't sleep on the couch."
>"Why no sweep hewe? Hewe soft, get wawm hewe."
"Look, just come try the basket, it's more comfy than the couch."
>It's true, it's one of those super-plush things with a sort-of beanbag chair inside
>He'll love it
>Imp comes over and stands in the basket, eyes widening
>"Basket so soft! Dis betta dan cowch, Big man wite!"
>He jumps up and down happily in his basket
>He may be clever, but he's still a fluffy
>He stops and sits down
>"Big man... Yoo name Anon, wite?"
"Yeah, that's right Imp. Why?"
>"Anon siwwy name. No wowk fow yoo. Need new name."
>You cock an eyebrow
"You don't like my name?"
>"Name no good fow yoo. Need sumting bettew. Stwong name. Wike Wock. Ow Steew."
"Hey now, Anon's a strong name! Lots of great people are called Anon."
>"If wots o hoomans cawwed Anon, yoo name no speshaw. But big man wike name, so Imp wet yoo keep name."
>... He really is a cheeky bastard.
"O... kay. Thanks Imp. Now, do you want some food?"
>Imp nods
>"No fwuffy chow, pweese. No nummies. Want sumfin speshaw."
"A connoisseur fluffy, great... What would you like to eat?"
>"You haff toast? Imp wike toast."
>Toast?! The hell kinda fluffy likes toast?
"Alright then, toast it is."
>"Wiff butta!"
"... Yeah, with butter."
>Imp dons his lop-sided smile and follows you into the kitchen

>After cooking and buttering some toast, you and Imp sit down on the couch to eat
>Fuck tables
"So Imp, you liking your new home?"
>Imp swallows his toast to respond
>"Imp wike it hewe. No udda fwuffies sayin mean tings, no Bwudda or Sissy fwuffies bein dum-dums... And dewe toast hewe! Imp happy."
"Good to hear, little buddy. Hey, wait here for a second, I want to show you something."
>You leave a confused Imp on the couch as you go up to the attic
>You grab a box and pull out one of your old toys from when you were a kid
>A small toy knight with an axe
>Considering Imp's small size, the knight's probably bigger than him
>But, a toy's a toy
>Head back into the living room, but hear squeaks and yelling
>Run back in, and see Imp facing down a rat
>Fucking landlord said he put rat baits down, the lying bastard!
>The rat is bleeding
>Imp looks ruffled, but unhurt
>"You weave hewe, ugwy ting! Dis big man's pwace, not ugwy ting pwace!"
>He tackles the rat and bites it's little ratty tail off
>The rat bolts away through a small hole in the wall
>Imp spits out the rat's tail and looks up at you
>"You need bettew pwace, big man. You haff ugwy tings wiving in wawws. Ugwy wike Sissy Fwuffy."
>He grins and sits down, blowing raspberries to get the taste of rat tail out of his mouth
"Imp, are you alright? What the hell were you thinking, trying to fight a rat?! You could've been hurt, you're too small to do stupid shit like that!"
>Imp glares at you
>"Imp smaww, but Imp not dum-dum. Ugwy ting twy take big man toast. Imp no wike ugwy ting, and Imp biggew dan ugwy ting. Onwy ting Imp evew see dat smawa dan Imp. So Imp fight, Imp give ugwy ting big owwies!"
>He nods proudly
>"Don't tink Imp weak cuz Imp smaww."
>Wow. The whole runt thing must've had a big impact on his psyche
>He accepts he's small, and works around it

"You're right, Imp. I'm sorry. You did good, fighting off the rat. I'm proud of you, buddy."
>Imp grins again
>"Tank'oo, big man. You nice to Imp, giff Imp toast an' basket and home."
"And now, I'll give you this..."
>You give Imp the toy knight
"This is a toy from when I was a kid. I know it's a bit bigger than you, but maybe you'd like to play with it?"
>Imp's grin becomes a huge smile of pure joy
>"Toy fow Imp? Weawwy!? Imp nevah haff toy befow!"
"Well, you do now buddy. This is your home, and your toy..."
>"And Imp toast?"
>You smile
"Yes, and your toast too. Welcome home, Imp."
>"Tank'oo fow home, big man."

END OF PART 1