LtD 59-66

May 11th, 2014
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  1. >>Chapter 59 - Part 1
  2. > Author's note: I have changed the time around a little. Go back to the chapter, ' A true friend' I have changed it to four months. This way, the baby will be due within a few chapters.
  3. So that absurd time jump ‘was’ introduced just to move the plot along? Great…
  4. Wait, does that mean there’s only a few chapters left until the Lance-spawn comes?
  5. I want to say that this makes all the strenuous physical activity Twilight has been making seem less dangerous, but screw that, she’s still past the midpoint of her pregnancy.
  6. > Also, this chapter is short, sorry.
  7. You’re forgiven.
  8. > "You okay there Lance?" Twilight asked as she watched me shiver.
  9. He’s shivering despite being covered in several layers of clothing. I’d say he’s not okay.
  10. > She chuckled and scooted closer to me, "Wanna share my blanket?"
  11. Right, we have to be reminded that they are a couple, as if all those moments they share in the last chapters weren’t enough.
  12. What’s that? The only thing Twiligh did in the last dozen or so chapter was sleeping in the same bed as Lance ‘with’ another mare on the side? Well, that’s just too bad.
  13. > "This place is awesome!" Me and David said at the same time as we stood in the lobby of the Ski Resort.
  14. I guess it was either this or a Beach chapter.
  15. > Spike whistled, "When I win, I win big!"
  16. That you do, little fellow.
  17. > I smiled and looked at everyone who had come on this little trip. It was me, all the bronies, the mane six, Cody, Ditzy, Dali, Drax, Vinyl Scratch, Luna, and of course, Spike.
  18. That was one excellent prize if it allowed twenty people to accompany the winner.
  19. And did you seriously bring Deela here? I freak out when people touch me, Deela? Lance seriously doesn’t care.
  20. Also, even though you say “all the bronies”, I don’t think Malbatorus, the dragon, came too.
  24. >>Chapter 59 - Part 2
  25. > The paper said that all Pegasus must wear heavy wing covers. The temperatures up here are to much for the fragile bone and feathers.
  26. I know this has never been addressed, and can probably be shrugged off as “magic”, but shouldn’t Pegasus be hollowed boned? That would explain why Lance was shivering so much even though he had layers and layers of clothing on him.
  27. > [Damn, I wanted to cause a avalanche with a Shadow Blast.]
  28. > {You evil, awesome dude. That would have actually been kinda cool.}
  29. Yeah, killing dozens of ponies, injuring hondreds, and probably destroying the resort.
  30. Fun!
  31. > "I'm going to be evil here. Seth and Zorrow will share a room." After they groaned, I looked over to Applejack and Fluttershy, "Sorry you two, but you'll have to share a room also."
  32. Lance has better restrain on his shipping madness than Kickass222urmom.
  33. Also, yeah. Malbatorus is out.
  34. > Drax slowly walked towards me and a nervous look on his face, "Uhhh, Lance, can you put me and Dali in the same room."
  35. Surely Lance will say no. I mean, Deela has almost gone catatonic every time someone looks at her. And even as dense as you are, surely you care enough about your best friend to—
  36. > I chuckled and looked at Dali, "On second thought, could you and Drax share a room?"
  37. Seriously, Lance? The girl that had a panic attack when someone wanted to shake hooves with her? Remember when ten percent of a chapter was devoted to explain why she couldn’t touch anybody? And now he’s letting her stay with someone else in a room.
  38. > She thought for a second, "I guess."
  39. Has she gotten over her anxiety and sole character trait off-screen?
  40. > Thirty two minutes later
  41. Is there any reason why it’s been thirty two minutes? Why not just half an hour? Were those last two minutes so important that you had to include them in the count? What happened there?
  45. >>Chapter 59 - Part 3
  46. > I gulped and stood on my hind legs, the board strapped to my boots. I'll never know how I'm able to stay balance on my hind legs and on a board, but I did it somehow.
  47. As with everything on this fic, it’s held together by Kickass222urmom’s poor grasp of reality.
  48. > I prepared myself for the ride downward, sweat was pouring down my face. Freezing before it was even halfway down my face. Its that damn cold.
  50. Considering that sweat has salt in it, and you have fur, how cold does it have to be for it to freeze mere seconds after leaving your pores?
  51. > Everyone else followed, all but me. I was shaking from the cold and fear.
  52. Sure, you’ve fought overpowered griffins and multidimensional beings, and your special talent is getting beaten up. Surely this slope will be a formidable enemy.
  53. > As I glided across the snow, a stallion walked out into my path.
  54. Why are there ponies walking through the snowboarding and ski zone? Shouldn’t there be a sign saying “Don’t cross”?
  55. > I slammed into him, sending both of us down the mountain.
  56. Reckless endangerment. Truly the base for a strong friendship.
  57. > He looked at me and blinked, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to knock you off your board."
  58. What did he thought would happen if he walked around the ski zone?
  62. >>Chapter 59 - Part 4
  63. > The stallion smiled and reached out and took my hoof, "Nice to meet you Lance. My name is Shadow Breeze."
  64. Freaking OC names. God damn it, if this guy is another brony—
  65. > I looked at him and cocked my head, "Human?"
  66. > He looked shocked, "Uhhh, maybe."
  67. Yes, he is. It’s been what, fifteen chapters since the last new character? Of course there had to be another one. So, did he just arrive or what?
  68. > "Well, I just appeared here and I kinda liked it here. I work here now,
  69. How surprising. Someone with a kind of believable motivation and story.
  70. > I help with normal things and watch over the little filly's and colt's.
  71. Hmmm… Nah, too obvious.
  72. > I also keep track of the animals in the area.
  73. Oh, seems that Fluttershy won’t end with Malbatorus after all.
  74. > "Well, that answers my question. You should come to the lobby tonight, me and my friends are going to sit around the fire."
  75. “Sure, I just met you. But what the hell, we all know you’re going to be part of the group anyway.”
  79. >>Chapter 60 - Part 1
  80. > I nodded, "Eeyep."
  81. > [Why does everyone copy Big Mac?]
  82. Because Kickass222urmom probably thinks he’s being self-aware.
  83. > Zorrow sat alone and chuckled, "I hope we don't find to many bronies."
  84. > Everyone nodded in agreement.
  85. So you’re sick of them too? Great.
  86. > "Hey everyone, Lance told me to come. I brought my friend."
  87. Another one? Just when everyone is saying how they hope they don’t find more.
  88. > We all turned to see Shadow Breeze, and a olive green female Pegasus.
  89. Oh, a girl. Let’s see if kickass butchers her character just as he has done with every female character he has written.
  90. > Seth smiled smugly and stood up and made his way to her, "Well hey there pretty lady. I must say, you are looking smoking hot today."
  91. Smooth, Seth. Really smooth.
  92. > Vinetion rolled her eyes and stomped her hoof.
  93. > A vine popped out of the ground and wrapped around Seth's back leg and lifted him up into the air.
  94. And there goes the chance of having a normal character in this mess. I hope that they at least give an explanation to why a Pegasus is able to do nature magic.
  95. > Shadow Breeze chuckled as he made his way over to us, "Sorry, I forgot to tell you. Vine here can control plants."
  96. Oh, I get it. She’s called “Vine” so she can control plants.
  97. Seriously, is there anything more to it?
  98. > She shrugged, "Ever since I arrived here in Equestria, I've had this power."
  99. Oh, no explanation then. Just another overpowered OC.
  100. > I nodded and gave a slight aha, "Well, its good to meet a female brony for once."
  101. > She looked at our group, "You mean you haven't even meet one single female brony?!"
  102. Yes, this has been a sausage fest for more than fifty chapters.
  106. >>Chapter 60 - Part 2
  107. > I let out a small laugh and looked over to Shadow, "So, why are you two still here? I mean, come on, you know you want to check out Ponyville."
  108. It may just be me, but if I were to find myself in a land full of magic, rich cultures, and untold mysteries, going to Ponyville would be item number six on my list, at most.
  109. > Shadow nodded, "In truth, I like it here to much to leave. I mean, of course I would like to go to Ponyville and see..." His voice trailed off as his gaze stooped on a pony. Fluttershy.
  110. Well, there go my hopes that Fluttershy would get hitched to the dragon.
  111. > She chuckled, "I'll tell you later." She then looked at the whole group, "I see everyone's paired up, and you've already gotten my favorite ponies. Well damn."
  112. So, he’s making the one pegasister a lesbian? Sure, why the hell not. Worse things have happened in this fic.
  113. > That night, Drax and Dali's room
  114. Yes, please. I want to see Kickass222urmom pushing aside everything he has established about Deela’s character just to make this relationship happen.
  115. Then again, it’s not as if there’s much to ignore.
  116. > Drax sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Dali who was looking out the window at the night sky. He looked her over and sighed, "So beautiful."
  117. And yet another shallow reason for a relationship. Why can’t anyone fall in love after they met? It’s always a coup-de-foudre situation in which the brony is instantly attracted to the mare in question, and since she doesn’t have a say in the matter, fast forward a couple of chapters and they’re together.
  118. > He had liked her ever since Lance had brought him over to her house. It was love at first sight for him, and that has never happened before. He has never even thought about dating his whole life, but for some reason, he wants to be with her.
  119. It’s called forced romance, Drax.
  123. >>Chapter 60 - Part 3
  124. > He knew he couldn't do that, he couldn't even talk to her or touch her because of her culture.
  125. Don’t worry, Drax. I’ve got the feeling she’ll trust you out of the blue because reasons.
  126. > He rubbed his face and stood, "Dali?"
  127. > She turned and to his surprise, answered, "Yes?"
  128. > He gulped, he hadn't expected her to respond, "Uhhh... ummmm.... How are you?" He instantly wanted to facehoof.
  129. This is painful to read. But at least it’s showing that Drax has to work to get Deela’s attention.
  130. Unless Kickass222urmom skips that and the next time we see them, they are together, which is a very plausible outcome.
  131. > Dali looked at him worriedly, "Why is your eye swollen? It was fine a while ago."
  132. > Drax hung his head, "I hit myself..."
  133. Come on, Drax. Don’t go emo on us, you already suck as you are.
  134. > "Why would you do that?"
  135. > "I'm just stupid is all, I say the wrong things at the wrong time." Drax said
  136. Chicks dig self-loathing and pathetic individuals.
  137. > as he rubbed his hoof across his face, whipping away tears.
  138. He sure was serious about hurting himself if he’s using a whip to wipe the tears from his face.
  139. > Suddenly, something ran into him and wrapped around his neck. […] Dali, who would never allow anypony touch her, was now hugging Drax.
  140. Well, forget what I said about Kickass222urmom making a time skip to the point in which Deela is already comfortable with touching somebody else, he’s going to do that in the span of two paragraphs.
  141. Also, if someone touching Deela counts as rape, then what is going through Deela’s mind right now? Is this the equivalent of pity sex?
  142. >"Don't say that, your a good stallion." She said while she broke the hug.
  143. And she knows this… how? This is the first time they’ve interacted, and it’s not as if these two know each other. Drax lived in Ponyville and Deela lives in Canterlot.
  147. >>Chapter 60 - Part 4
  148. > Something began to slam into the wall repeatedly.
  149. This pseudo-feeling scene is interrupted to bring you Peter and Rarity.
  150. > Drax chuckled, "It sounds like Peter and Rarity are bucking apples. I wish they wouldn't be so loud though."
  151. Knowing Kickass222urmom, this is a lame bait and switch and they’re just unpacking or something equally dumb.
  152. > Peter let out a groan, "Damn, and I thought I was the best at jumping on beds!
  153. Toldja.
  154. > The next day, 1:23 PM, at the slopes
  155. Is there any real reason for this oddly specific times?
  156. > I looked at the billboard with a smile on my face. I was reading a announcement about a slope run for advanced skiers.
  157. And even though you’ve never skied before, and the last time you did you crashed on someone, I’m sure everything will turn out fine.
  158. > Four hours of hard walking later.
  159. If you’re just going to make a time jump, then what was the point of establishing a specific time just a paragraph ago?
  160. > I finally pulled made it to the top and collapsed. That was the longest walk and climb of my life!
  161. You fly through cities without trouble, fight with absurdly powerful creatures with ease, perform earth shattering autism blasts, and a climb to a slope tires you out?
  162. > I really don't see the point in this anymore.
  163. You and me both. If it’s any consolation, there wasn’t really a point.
  164. > He walked over to me and smiled nervously, "Okay dude, don't over react. […] Twilight's having the baby, right now."
  165. Already? What kind of doctor would let a mare that is about to give birth go to a ski resort?
  166. > I grabbed Peter by the shoulders and began to yell at the top of my lungs, "SHE'S HAVING THE BABY! AND I'M MISSING IT!"
  167. Couldn’t have they send Fred or Luna to teleport you back to the resort?
  168. For that matter, couldn’t they have teleported both of you to a hospital?
  169. >[Oh, way to go Lance! You caused a fucking avalanche!]
  170. Well, that will make them hurry.
  174. >>Chapter 61 - Part 1
  175. > I began to try to move
  176. Ah, off to a great start, I see.
  177. > The snow was pushing down, holding us in place.
  178. So this chapter is going to be a race against the clock to get to Twilight before she unleashes the abomination into the world.
  179. > I chuckled, "We're under a pile of snow."
  180. Yeah, death is imminent. Hilarious.
  181. > [Peter] then began to scream.
  182. > I squeezed him hard till he shut up, "Be quiet! Damn, you can be such a bitch!"
  183. “Jeez, it’s only the sheer force of nature, what’s wrong with you?”
  184. > After a few hours of digging, we finally had a small den dug out.
  185. Where did you put all of that snow you dug out? And how is it that your den isn’t caving in?
  186. > "Oh, this sucks? You know what really sucks? Me missing the birth of my foal!"
  187. If only there was a way in which you could have known if she was getting near the birth date.
  188. > I growled angrily. Suddenly, something snapped in my mind.
  189. And this is how Lance survived the avalanche, by cannibalizing Peter.
  190. > Peter shifted uneasily, "You okay there Lance?"
  191. > I looked at him, and a crazy smile spread across my face, "I'm just perfect my good friend Peter."
  192. If this ends up with Lance getting another personality, I’ll… Uh, get more frustrated, I guess.
  193. > Lance moved closer and closer, "I love..."
  194. > Peter began to feel very nervous.
  195. > Lance stop inches from Peter's face, "... pie." He slammed a pie into Peter's face.
  196. What? Seriously, what just happened?
  197. > Lance grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him down. When Peter was face to face with Lance, Lance slammed his hoof into Peter's groin. "Pay back my great friend Peter. Isn't the pain sweet?"
  198. Is this what happens when Lance gets Cabin Fever? Because it’s pretty dumb.
  203. >>Chapter 61 - Part 2
  204. > Peter gasped and began to claw at the snow again. Suddenly, light filled the hole as he burst through to the surface.
  205. Ok, you were practically out of the snow. If you had already made the snow disappear around you, why didn’t you finish digging your way out?
  206. > "You're not going anywhere my friend. We still haven't played cupcakes!"
  207. What’s the explanation here? Lance finally got fed up with being part of the Living-verse and snapped? What’s with the sudden change of personality?
  208. > "I'm just going to repay the prank you played on me a week ago.”
  209. You mean when they got Pinkie to strap you down in her basement and reenact ‘Cupcakes’?
  210. Didn’t you already get back at them for that?
  211. > “Oh what fun this will be! I'll get the knife!"
  212. On one hand, I could do with less OC’s. On the other one, if edgy!Lance is the price to pay, it’s not worth it.
  213. > Lance soon pulled himself out of the hole and began to spin around in the snow, "This is the life!"
  214. Yeah, he lost his mind. Still, I don’t think this fic will deal with the fallout of having someone letting his psychopath tendencies loose.
  215. > Peter hung his head and sighed, "Lance, I think we're lost..."
  216. How lost can you really be? It’s not as if you were too far away from the resort, this mountain had chair lift that lead back to the resort, Peter came in those. Even if the avalanche destroyed it, you just have to follow the debris, there wasn’t much snow.
  217. > Lance then jumped into a pile of snow and began to create a snow angel type thing.
  218. So, a snow angel.
  219. > [Peter] slammed his hoof into Lance's head.
  220. Ah, the all-purpose hit to the head.
  221. > I looked down at myself, "Where's my clothes?"
  222. You ripped them apart. And since this place is cold enough to freeze your sweat, I guess you’re going to die in a couple of minutes.
  226. >>Chapter 61 - Part 3
  227. > [Umm, Lance, you kinda went crazy for a few minutes...]
  228. > <It wasn't pretty...>
  229. You pair of dicks could have taken control of his body at any moment, or at least prevent him from getting undressed.
  230. > Peter gulped, "Lets never speak of this again. Agreed?"
  231. “A psychotic episode shouldn’t be a sign of worry by any means!”
  232. > I stopped and hit my face with my hoof, not a facehoof, but a full on hit.
  233. Yeah, I know you are pissed about missing your child’s birth, but hitting yourself is not going to help.
  234. > We ran through the forest till Peter just dropped, "I'm so thirsty!"
  235. I’ll spare you the rest. Lance pisses in a cup and gives that to Peter.
  236. Seriously.
  237. > After another hour of walking, I noticed that some of Peter's skin was turning slightly blue and puffy.
  238. And you can see his skin underneath the fur and his clothes?
  239. > "Peter, are you sure your okay?"
  240. No, he clearly has hypothermia, even though Lance is the one that has been prancing around without clothes.
  241. > Meanwhile, back at the Ski Resort
  242. I have to wonder, why are they still in the Resort?
  243. Why doesn’t Luna transport Twilight and the rest to a hospital, and Fred stays to look for Lance and transport him too once he finds him?
  244. > All the girls are in the room, comforting Twilight, the Doctor still hadn't arrived.
  245. Really, you have two alicorns there. Use their power.
  246. > Back to Lance and Peter, an hour later
  247. If you’re going to keep skipping time, you might as well skip until they get back to the resort, it’s not as if you can make a trek through the snow interesting.
  248. > I lifted up the large grub and forced it into my mouth.
  249. You left the resort six hours ago. Have you already reached the point in which you’re so desperate that you have to eat bugs?
  250. > Back at the Ski Resort
  251. So, that cut back was just to show Lance eating a bug?
  255. >>Chapter 61 - Part 4
  256. > "NO! I'm not going in there! You can't make me!" Shadow screamed as he backed away from the others.
  257. Again, why aren’t you just teleporting Twilight to a hospital? I’m sure they’ll take better care of her there than in a resort in the middle of a mountain.
  258. > Frederic glared, "Yes you are! They need more water and none of us are going in there!"
  259. Then why does Shadow have to go? Is it because he’s the new guy?
  260. > Shadow gulped and screamed out, "NEVER!" He jumped into the air and flew through a window. As in, right through the glass.
  261. Drama queen.
  262. > [Shadow] flew for a few more minutes till he saw a pony below him.
  263. Wait, they’re here already? What was the point of them getting caught in that avalanche if they were just going to get here before anything happened? We didn’t even read Twilight getting worried about Lance and wondering where he could be.
  264. This whole thing has been pretty damn pointless.
  265. > Back to Lance and Peter
  266. Got to love these jump cuts.
  267. > He looked at me with unfocused eyes, with a hint of fear, "Who are you! Get away from me!" He then began to struggle to break free of my grasp.
  268. So now ‘Peter’ is the one going crazy. Just get to the resort.
  269. > Thirty four minutes later
  270. Again with the random cuts? And why is it over half an hour? Shadow just saw them pass by a minute ago.
  271. > "Hey, are you two okay?" Somepony from above said.
  272. Unless…
  273. Was that last cut to Lance and Peter supposed to be before Shadow jumped off the window? Why would you butcher continuity like that, Kickass222urmom?
  274. > "Lance? Holy shit man, where have you been?! Are you alright?"
  275. What?
  276. They didn’t know about the avalanche? How couldn’t they know? It’s a freaking avalanche, you can hear that from long distances.
  280. >>Chapter 61 - Part 5
  281. > Two hours
  282. Freaking Jump cuts!!!
  283. > I walked into the room and smiled at what I saw. Twilight was in the bed, her mane was a mess, and she was holding something in a blanket.
  284. Oh, boy. Here it comes. Lance Jr. Brace yourselves.
  285. > The foal was the same shade of purple as Twilight, but it had my red strips and snout. Its mane was black and dark blue.
  286. Why the children? Why? They’re innocent; they don’t have to carry the sins of their fathers.
  287. > Twilight smiled as I moved my face closer, "He has your eyes, but they're purple, not red."
  288. So, the little fellow is only slightly less stupid looking than his dad.
  289. > "What are we going to name him?"
  290. What about “AAAAAGH!”? Is what everyone will say once they see him.
  291. > I smiled, "I think I know one. How about Spark?"
  292. > Twilight nodded, "I think it fits him."
  293. Uh… How does it fit him?
  298. >>Chapter 62 - Part 1
  299. > "Hey Lance! Come here!" My cousin yelled from downstairs.
  300. Uh… what?
  301. > I reluctantly made myself pull on my pants and T-shirt.
  302. What’s going on? Did Lance finally stop pretending that he lives on a world that turns around him?
  303. > He opened the front door, "Me and James have something we want to show you." He then motioned for me to walk through the door.
  304. Oh… I remember. Lance had a trauma with his cousins and a farm.
  305. I amazed that Kickass222urmom remembered that.
  306. > When we entered the pastor, I saw James standing next to a large black stallion.
  307. I’m not sure where this is going, but I like it.
  308. > James looked at me and a devilish smile appeared on his face, "So Lance, […] we heard you like My little pony."
  309. Oh, they’re going to make him ride the horse?
  310. Or the other way around?
  311. > I awoke with a start and sat straight up. I could feel sweat all over my body. There was so much of it, it was dripping off my face.
  312. We may never know for sure, so we are forced to assume that’s the case.
  313. > I looked over to the bed to see Twilight sleeping peacefully, Spark lay next to her in a bundle of blankets.
  314. Both of them are unsurprisingly undisturbed by you suddenly waking up.
  315. > It's been four days since Spark was born, and we're still at the resort. We couldn't leave, the train was on a schedule
  316. How far do you have to be for the train not to come in four days?
  317. > We'll all be returning home, but with two new additions. Shadow Breeze and Vinetion.
  318. They’re going to leave behind their lives just to go with a bunch of people they just met. Why the hell not.
  319. > I then put my face into my hooves, content on trying to forget about [the dream], like I've been doing almost every morning since the... incident.
  320. Really? Because I’m pretty sure this is the first time you’ve mentioned it since that one time sixty chapters ago.
  324. >>Chapter 62 - Part 2
  325. > "... Yeah, I'm.. great!" I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. What? That damn memory is still fresh in my mind!
  326. Until he says otherwise, I am going to assume he had sex with the horse.
  327. > She looked at me and I could see her smile, "Well, I know a spell that will allow me to see your memories."
  328. Yes please, I want to know if Kickass222urmom actually got fucked by a horse.
  329. > “there's things that I don't think you should know..."
  330. > [Yeah, rule 34.]
  331. Oh, shit. His cousins actually made him fuck a horse?
  332. > "Lance, I can handle anything you have to offer. Trust me, I've been around you after all."
  333. “I’ve fallen for you and had your child, Lance. I don’t think anything can cripple me more than that.”
  334. > Her horn than began to glow a soft purple. After a few seconds, she touched it to my head.
  335. It’s nice to know that, even in the middle of a horrible scenario, Kickass222urmom takes his time to treat us some awfully structured sentences.
  336. > "Wow, your mind is so... empty."
  337. Nothing new here.
  338. > "Yo, when you two are done, I'd like to talk to ya.”
  339. Could it be? Has Kickass222urmom finally canned the stupid bracket formatting for his consciences?
  340. > I twisted my head to see both Break and Dawn standing next to each other, and a small computer like device behind them.
  341. He has! Let’s hope this lasts.
  342. > Dawn chuckled, "Dude, you're in your head, and we're always in your head."
  343. > Break nodded, "I though you would be smart enough to know this. I guess not."
  344. If they could take control of Lance on any moment, why didn’t they prevent his cousins from making him fuck a stallion?
  345. Does Earth not allow that kind of stupidity?
  349. >>Chapter 62 - Part 3
  350. > "What's that thing?"
  351. > Dawn turned to the object, "That? Oh its just Lance's memory."
  352. Lance’s memories are going to be projected into a computer that just so happens to be in the room, and his consciences just so happen to be inside of it.
  353. > I shook my head and chuckled, "How convenient."
  354. That’s one way of putting it.
  355. > He touched the screen and it came to life. Once it was on, there was a long list of words on the screen, "All you do is pick the one you want and it'll cause everyone here to relive that memory."
  356. Seriously, calling out the sheer stupidity of this scenario is not even worth it. But I’ll do it anyway.
  357. How in the name of hell did they just so happen to have a computer that could be used to access Lance’s memories in a hotel in the middle of nowhere?
  358. Why couldn’t Twilight just access his memories? Or if he doesn’t want that, make it so that Lance can access his own memories. Why is that machine necessary?
  359. > The one she had pointed at was 'Alone time'. I don't have to be a genius to know what that one is.
  360. And yes, Break opens that file and shows Twilight all the times Lance wanked.
  361. > I finally came to one called, 'Farm nightmare'. That has to be it.
  362. What gives you that idea? Is it the obvious and conveniently named file?
  363. > I relived that entire ordeal, from beginning to end. It was worst the second time! Oh God! That stallion was huge! James and Robert are sick bastards!
  364. Eh, you got off easy. The fact that you wanted to be sent to a world full of horses after living through that means that the incident didn’t leave any lasting emotional scars.
  365. > "I may need to talk about it one day. But for now, I don't feel up to it."
  366. Great, because the one thing “Living the Dream” needed was angst.
  367. > Only two more hours before the train gets here, and I can't wait! I'm sick of the cold.
  368. Should have thought of that before going to a ski resort for a week.
  372. >>Chapter 63 - Part 1
  373. > I let out a groan as I slowly stood up from my seat. This train ride is so freaking boring!
  374. And I doubt this chapter will be any different.
  375. > [Dude, I know. Why can't we just fly home?]
  376. I know you hate all and every mean of transportation, but if you really have to ask why you shouldn’t fly in the middle of a snowy mountain range, after being explicitly told not to do it back at the resort, then you are even dumber than you appeared.
  377. > {I know right?! But oh no, Twilight said it wasn't safe and won't let me!}
  378. Speaking of whom, why didn’t she teleport all of you?
  379. I will remind you that she is the most powerful unicorn in Equestria ‘and’ there are two alicorns with you.
  380. > She stood and handed, (Hoofed?) me Spark.
  381. You know, for someone with such a high disregard for spelling, grammar and basic formatting, Kickass222urmom spends quite a lot of time pondering the semantics of this particular scenario.
  383. > I gulped at what Break said, because I know he's serious.
  384. The normal reaction to having a violent and threatening personality that can also fulfill their threats is not shrugging it off and embracing it. They go to a psychiatrist to get rid of it.
  385. > We was all sitting together
  386. Were, god damn it. It’s were. I am sick of this “we was” stupidity.
  387. > We didn't know what [Twilight] wanted, but it seemed important, since she had a list.
  388. What? Twilight is doing something in-character? What is this madness?
  389. > "Okay all of you, now that me and Lance have a baby to take care of. I want to make a few things clear."
  390. It’s weird. I’ve read Twilight behaving like a caricature of a 50’s housewife for dozens of chapters, so it’s kind of jarring that she actually does something.
  394. >>Chapter 63 - Part 2
  395. > Twilight trotted over to [Greg] and pulled the joint out of his mouth, "First off, no smoking."
  396. I foresee two chapters of Greg going through withdrawal before he starts smoking again or just moves in with Pinkie.
  397. > Greg smirked and pulled out a second one from his saddlebag, "Bitch please, you can't control me."
  398. One would think that Greg would at least care about the baby of his, uh, “friend”. That, or that he can’t smoke in closed spaces like trains.
  399. > Twilight smiled triumphantly and looked over to David, who was smiling, "Next, I don't want my son to see any of those pictures you've drawn. Yeah, I've seen them and I must say. Your sick."
  400. Oh right, David draws. Funny that Kickass222urmom wouldn’t mention it in the ~40 chapters since he got his cutie mark for that.
  401. > I looked at her surprised, "Me?!"
  402. > She nodded, "Yes you! I want you to stop being so sexual around Spark!"
  403. Somehow, I don’t think Lance will follow that rule.
  404. > "Peter, I don't want you to pull any pranks on my son, or around him. Got it?"
  405. Twilight, you can’t take away the sole character trait of every one of the OC’s. That will only leave a bunch of dumb looking shells loitering around.
  406. > She smiled and looked over to Seth and Zorrow, "You two, I want you to stop fighting each other all the time!"
  407. Or you can make up character traits for them. I can’t recall the last time they did something.
  411. >>Chapter 63 - Part 3
  412. > She then looked at Frederic, "Frederic, I know your the prince and all, and I respect you. But, I want you to stop bringing all those dangerous inventions of yours over to our house."
  413. I don’t think you have to worry about that. Frederic stopped inventing things after he got married.
  414. And even then he only created a flying backpack that wasn’t mentioned ever again, and Lance’s multifunctional goggles, none of which he has used since he got them.
  415. > “If one of you, and I mean all of you
  416. Uh… what?
  417. > hurt Spark, or influence him in a bad way, I will go pissed off mother on your ass!"
  418. So, when Greg or whoever inevitably fucks up, you’re going to punish all of them? Even Prince Fred?
  419. > Four hours later, Canterlot
  420. Oh, time jumps. Skipping over the boring parts so we can get back to the boring and enraging parts.
  421. > Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the screams of ponies.
  422. Please don’t let this be another fight.
  423. > <A female Draconequus. Who would have thought that?>
  424. See, this is why I keep doing this review. Every time I feel that this is dragging on and I should just call it quits, Kickass222urmom pulls something like this.
  425. ...
  426. > [Damn, she's hot!]
  427. Oh, go die in a fire.
  431. >>Chapter 64 - Part 1
  432. >Title: This is Anarchy! Or Annabel?
  433. Wait… Does this mean that the female draconequus from the last cha—No, let’s keep going.
  434. > I'm mentally tired, meaning I'm actually having trouble writing right now
  435. Can’t be worse than what you write while in full control of your mental capacity.
  436. > please, bare with me as this chapter may not show a lot of emotion.
  437. That hasn’t stopped you before, has it?
  438. > We all stood there in shock, watching the Draconequus dance to a song it was humming. It was bending left and right, a large smile on its face.
  439. Lance refers to her as an “it” despite explicitly stating that she was a female draconequus in the last chapter. I’d say typo, but seeing how women are treated in this fic, I have my doubts.
  440. > I cracked my neck and started walking forward, "Lets do this!"
  441. Yeah… Discord had to be subdued by the elements of Harmony, as overpowered as you are, I don’t think your knockoff Rainbooms will have any effect.
  442. > Suddenly, Frederic's hoof shoot out and stopped me.
  443. Chances of Frederic proposing a viable course of action: Zero and lowering.
  444. > He began walking forward, humming the same song as the Draconequus.
  445. Ah, music appeases the beast.
  446. > Once they finished, the Draconequus floated down to us and smiled, "Hi, I'm Annabel."
  447. Well, we can rule out Discord going R63 just to mess with everyone. Then again, Discord hasn’t been mentioned so far, thankfully.
  448. > Frederic seemed to jump with joy, "Annabel! Its me, Frederic!"
  449. Uh… What?
  450. > Her eyes widened in surprise, "Fred? Its really you?!"
  451. Please don’t let this be—
  455. >>Chapter 64 - Part 2
  456. > Frederic turned to me and smiled, "Annabel and I have been friends forever! Way before I died."
  457. Oh, for fuck’s sake, another one!? And it’s a draconequus?
  458. Why is she a draconequus? Are you telling me that God saw no problem with turning a human into one of the most powerful creatures known to Equestria? Then again, he sent someone hell-bent on misguided revenge, and turned a mob boss into an inexplicably powerful griffin, so who knows what he’s thinking.
  459. Besides, why is she showing up just now if the Rapture happened almost a year ago? Did God seriously made everyone wait for their turn to be sent to Equestria? Why would he do that? And why was Lance the first of the millions of people on Earth?
  460. This fic makes no sense! It doesn’t even adhere to its own already incoherent rules.
  461. > They began to talk, catching up.
  462. A freaking draconequus. I’ve got to say, I’m surprised nobody chose that before. They’ve come as dogs and dragons, but no draconequus.
  463. > They laugh to each other and Annabel glides over to me, "So, how ya doing Lance?"
  464. No introductions, then. Just straight into… whatever this is.
  466. > She chuckled, "Oh me? I'm doing great. Say, have you ever wanted to see chocolate rain?"
  467. You’re a goddess of chaos. You have nearly unlimited power, reigned only by your imagination. So of course you’re going to copy what Discord did on RoH.
  468. > <I sense a troll moment.>
  469. I sense a stupid moment.
  470. > A pink cloud formed above my head and began to rain. Chocolate milk rain that is.
  471. Lance was sent to Equestria on December 23rd, 2012. The Return of Harmony aired on September 17th.
  472. There’s no excuse for Lance not knowing about this.
  476. >>Chapter 64 - Part 3
  477. > I opened my mouth and tilted my head back, letting the chocolate milk pool in my mouth. It tasted awesome!
  478. And here we see Lance letting out his inner ten year old self.
  479. > I gulped down what was in my mouth and began gagging, "What the hell was that?!"
  480. Didn’t you just say that it tasted awesome?
  481. > Annabel looked up and smirked, "I thought you would like the taste of eighty year old milk."
  482. I’m sure eight year old milk would be incapable of pouring as if it was rain.
  483. In fact, I’m sure it would have gained sentience.
  484. > Frederic stood up and whipped a tear out of his eye, "Man, I've missed ya Annabel."
  485. In a purely platonic way, I hope.
  486. > She smiled back, "I've missed you too Frederic. It was lonely back on earth without you."
  487. This “back on Earth” means since Fred died, or since the alleged Rapture happened?
  488. > She flew forward and landed in front of [David and Peter], "Hey you two."
  489. There’re only two plausible outcomes for this situation. If they know about Discord, then they should be freaking out because there’s another being of chaos out there.
  490. However, if they’re the kind of bronies that don’t watch the show and don’t know about Discord, then they still should be freaking out, because Annabelle looks like a mix of spare animal parts.
  491. > David freaked out slightly, but Peter smiled.
  492. Or that can happen.
  493. > "What the hell! How can you look like that and still be hot!?."
  494. Even if you word it as a compliment, it still sounds like an insult.
  495. > She smiled, "I'm Anarchy."
  496. I hope you actually use that name and don’t go around calling yourself Annabelle as well.
  500. >>Chapter 64 - Part 4
  501. > She reached forward and touched their heads. They suddenly went wide eyed and their coats turned a dull grey.
  502. Let’s see. When Discord corrupted the Mane 6, each of them showed their opposite trait.
  503. If Annabel is going to follow that, then Peter should become serious and responsible, in contrast with his prankster nature. And David should… Uh… Stop drawing?
  504. > They then looked at each other and smiled. They jumped into each other and began making out.
  505. On the other hand, gay jokes.
  506. > Full on tongue on tongue action!
  507. Many, many gay jokes.
  508. > David leaned back and moaned, "I taste the rainbow!"
  509. > Peter moaned also, "Marshmallow!"
  510. Oh, so they actually think they’re with their girlfriends. And I thought only women were defined by their relationships in this universe.
  511. > David pushed Peter on his back and began to position himself to penetrate Peter.
  512. Hey, Kickass. You just lost any ground in which to ask us not think about smut.
  513. > David moved his tongue around in his mouth and raised an eyebrow, "Why do I taste skittles?"
  514. Yeah, why do you taste Skittles? Peter ate some? Are skittles even a thing in Equestria?
  515. Unless you meant to do a Rainbow Dash/Rainbow/Skittles joke, and if that’s the case, then get flogged.
  516. > Peter did the same, "Why do I taste paint?"
  517. That I do not know. Maybe David is eating the leftover paint he has?
  521. >>Chapter 64 - Part 5
  522. > [Damn, the universe does hate us...]
  523. > <Your right Break. We have the worst luck.>
  524. I have gone over this previously, but what the hell.
  525. God let you go to a universe of your choice, you came back from the dead twice, you married the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, you live in a huge house given to you by royalty, you have a high paying job that somehow doesn’t require you to show up, you have dozens of “friends” that are always willing to lend you a hand, you’re intimate friends with royalty, you have a son that I’m sure you won’t be required to raise.
  526. The Universe. Doesn’t. Hate you.
  527. > {Any idea's on how to get this off our mind?}
  528. > [Fuck Twilight?]
  529. It’s a good thing that women are always in the mood and willing to please their male partners.
  530. > Annabel stood off to the distance watching Lance, reading his mind.
  531. Can draconequii do that? Also, draconequii, I never thought that I would have to use that word.
  532. > So, he's going to try and get with his wife tonight?
  533. > She smirked, she has the best idea for a prank ever!
  534. Yes, please do so, Anabel.
  538. >>Chapter 65 - Part 1
  539. > Title: We’re stuck.
  540. Twifags, pony lovers in general, people who value their sanity.
  541. Do not read this part. I am serious. Do not read this part.
  542. Why? I’ll show you why.
  543. > Warning: Partial sex scene in the first scene. You have been warned.
  544. Now, why do you think this chapter is titled “We’re stuck!”? Yeah.
  545. If, for some reason, you wish to suffer through this part with me, you are welcomed to do so.
  546. For the rest of you, I’ll just write in caps when it’s safe to read.
  547. > Okay, its not that bad, but meh.
  548. Allow me to disagree.
  549. > Who wants a sex scene later on?
  550. Nobody. I don’t think anyone wants to read about YOUR self-insert having sex with Twilight.
  551. > I walked down the street, a little swag in my stride. I had sunglasses on and I felt like a badass about to get laid.
  552. Let’s not inquire where those sunglasses came from.
  553. > I bounce my head to an unheard beat and step up to the house. I kick the door open and jump in, striking a pose, "Who's yo daddy!"
  554. Since you just became a father, you, Lance.
  555. > Twilight squealed in surprise and turned around to face me, "Quiet! Spark is trying to sleep!"
  556. I doubt he’ll have the chance to do so, seeing what’s about to come.
  557. > I smirk, "Who cares?"
  558. Hey, remember when Lance said he could be a good father because he could take care of Churchill, his dog?
  559. Remember how he was never mentioned again?
  560. > I walk over to her, a seductive smile on my face, "We haven't had any fun in a while. I'm kinda... how do I say this... HORNY!"
  561. Didn’t Twilight just give birth? Shouldn’t she have time to rest and heal? She pushed a baby through her vagina four days ago.
  562. > I whipped the sunglasses off and threw them across the room, "Wanna destroy the bedroom?"
  563. Of course, I doubt Kickass222urmom has ever spent enough time around a female to know that. But come on, this stuff is elementary.
  567. >>Chapter 65 - Part 2
  568. > She licked my cheek, "Lets do more than destroy the bedroom, lets destroy the whole house!"
  569. Hey, Twi. Remember how you literally just said that your child was trying to sleep?
  570. > Once we was in the bedroom, we jumped in, me on top, her on bottom. I held her forelegs down and smirked, "Your mine!"
  571. Buckle up, boys.
  572. > She got a seductive look on her face, "I'm all yours."
  573. Yes, yes. We get it, move on.
  574. > That was it, that's all it took to send me over the edge.
  575. You have to wonder, what is preventing Break from taking over Lance and having sex with Twilight? For that matter, has Lance ever gone Breaking Dawn on Twilight?
  576. This chapter is already going to give us horrible mind images; I don’t think I should be contributing to that, sorry.
  577. > I felt my member become fully hard, eager to begin, same as me. I lowered my stallionhood down to her marehood and placed the tip to it.
  578. What’s wrong with saying penis? Or vagina? Or dick?
  579. > Twilight moaned into mouth at the contact.
  580. I read that six times, still can’t understand what he was trying to say.
  581. > I pulled back from our kiss and looked at her face, which was full of lust, "You ready for this Twi?"
  582. You, know. I never quite likes when writers use “, which was…” to describe in detail something that was previously mentioned instead of just fully describing it the first time.
  583. I know, I know. I’m only delaying the inevitable.
  584. > I kissed her neck and began to push in. I felt her walls separate, its been to long since the last time.
  585. Yeah, I don’t believe that. You implied heaps of sex while Twilight was pregnant in previous chapters.
  586. > I pushed in hard, ready to get this started. I began to pull out... but I couldn't. I couldn't pull my member out.
  587. And now, the promise of the title has been fulfilled. Let’s wrap this — There’s still 1,500 words left.
  591. >>Chapter 65 - Part 3
  592. > We both looked down to see that my member was in her, all the way, but couldn't see what was holding it in.
  593. Maybe it got vacuum sealed?
  594. > She shrugged, a frighten look on her face, "How should I know?!"
  595. > I did a small side wave with my hoof, "Uhh, its your body, duh!"
  596. It’s also your penis inside of her, but of course it hasn’t occurred to you that you may be the problem.
  597. > I looked around and saw some lotion. Perfect. "Hey Twi, can you levitate that lotion over here?"
  598. “Actually, why don’t you try to use your magic to get us out of this situation?”
  599. > How am I stuck?! Its like there's a grip on it and it won't let go!
  600. This is why foreplay is important, kids.
  601. > I looked around again and saw a small tube. I smiled, perfect. If I can throw a note into it, it'll go all the way to the Princess!
  602. I think you got your punctuation mixed there.
  603. Also, what the hell? Is that supposed to be a message tube? Was that always there? Why didn’t Celestia use that when she wanted to talk to Lance?
  604. > "Twilight, get me that note pad and quill. I have an idea!"
  605. It seems stupid, but asking the Pincess for help is their best option, since twilight has forgotten that she can use magic.
  606. > Dear Princess Celestia,
  607. > Me and my dear wife Twilight have hit a problem while mating. I seem to be stuck deep in her sweet marehood. We request your assistance.
  608. > The brony who cares (Sorta)
  609. > Lance.
  610. This, however, is not the way of doing it.
  611. > P.S. After this is over, could you possible give us more of those books? Thanks.
  612. Fuck off, Lance. Sex is what got you in this trouble in the first place.
  616. >>Chapter 65 - Part 4
  617. > "If I can throw this note pad into that tube, we're saved. The Princess will know what to do."
  618. Hey, stupid question. Why don’t you try to move towards the tube?
  619. Actually, why doesn’t Twilight teleport the note to Spike and make him send it? Or why not teleport the note itself to the Princess?
  620. Or, hell. Throw a blanket on you and teleport yourselves to the Castle, it’s not as if you care. Celestia has already seen Lance with a raging hard-on.
  621. > "I'll just teleport us to the palace." Her horn began to glow, slowly getting brighter.
  622. > But suddenly, it went out.
  623. It never ends.
  624. > "Lance?! Your wings are gone!"
  625. Why didn’t Annabel take Twilight’s horn and just her magic? She could have easily made Lance incapable of flight instead of taking away his wings.
  626. > Annabel held back the her laughs as she watched the two lovers in stress.
  627. Annabel is into voyeur.
  628. > We hopped down the hallway. How was we doing that?
  629. Awful sex scene, and yet the grammar is what makes me cringe.
  631. > Well its simple. She had her hooves wrapped around my neck and was hanging under me. But it was still hard to walk with her stuck between my back legs. So I was forced to hop.
  632. But… Wouldn’t Twilight be wrapped around Lance’s legs and not the other way around? I mean, this guy is obviously a virgin, but has he ever watched porn? Or seen a picture of a horse?
  633. > Twilight sighed, "I can't believe we have to walk to the palace."
  634. Neither can I. Why would Celestia made you do that?
  635. > Dear Lance,
  636. > I see what your problem is, come to the palace and I'll get you two unstuck.
  637. > Sincerely,
  638. > Trollestia
  639. Oh, right. Kickass222urmom’s trademark de-characterization.
  640. > Dear Princess Trollestia,
  641. > I want to tell you what I learned today. I learned that a Princess can be a bitch at the worst of times!
  642. > Truly yours,
  643. > Lance
  644. Yeah, that’ll surely make her more willing to help you.
  648. >>Chapter 65 - Part 5
  649. > I looked over to the couch and made my way over to it. I pulled a blanket off it and threw it over us.
  650. Amazing, you are going to show a moderate amount of decency.
  651. > I burst through the door and instantly, everypony turned our way.
  652. That’s actually great news. You can ask one of your friends for help.
  653. Hold on. You are leaving your four day old son alone in the house? Jesus Christ, you are terrible parents.
  654. > I gulp and began hopping down the street, Twilight bouncing around under me.
  655. Things would turn out better if you just strolled as if nothing was happening.
  656. > Think about this: Fill a large bottle with water and stick your manhood in it. Now, run down the street with a blanket over you. It felt like that, but so much more tugging.
  657. I have the odd feeling that Kickass222urmom actually tried this.
  658. > As we made our way down the street, the worst possible thing happened.
  659. You continued to have 76 chapters of misadventures in Equestria?
  660. > Only one word. Greg.
  661. Great, maybe you can ask him to teleport you to the— Oh, right. Greg’s only purpose is “comedic” relief. Hopefully he can at least liven up this whole mess.
  662. > He looked at me strangely and smirked, "Oh, I see. I like that blanket, let me see it." Before I could stop him, he pulled the blanket off, revealing everything.
  663. God damn it, Greg. I trusted you.
  664. > My face went super nova as all the ponies around us began to gasp and whisper. Twilight was the same, her face was redder than a tomato.
  665. Maybe the Canterlot ponies will be son outraged that they’ll call the guards on you, who will take you straight to the palace.
  666. Meh, who am I kidding. That makes far too much sense.
  670. >>Chapter 65 - Part 6
  671. > I instanly complied and sprinted, well, it was more of a hop at a high speed, down the street. Think of Big Machintosh in the episode, Hearts and hooves day. Yeah, that's pretty much what it looked like.
  672. “Hey, remember that one scene from the show? I don’t have the ability to write at that level, so imagine that’s what’s happening.”
  673. > I finally made it to the gates and began to jump through, but the guards stopped me, "Halt! Nopony is allowed to enter with out permission, or request."
  674. Well, it’s a good thing you brought Celestia’s letter, right?
  675. > What the fuck! I've been here before!
  676. So has half of Canterlot. Your point is?
  677. > "What the hay! You should already know that I'm allowed here!"
  678. Yeah, they shouldn’t. Contrary to what your author may have led you to believe, you’re not that special, Lance.
  679. Also, why isn’t Twilight saying anything? She’s Celestia’s student, even though she hasn’t done any studying in who knows how long.
  680. > The two guards slumped to the ground, as if they were put in a temporary sleep. Seconds later, Annabel appeared above them, a large smile on her face.
  681. Annabel has some weird fetishes.
  682. > Before I could answer, Twilight began to speak from below me, "What do you need Lance to do? He'll do anything to get us unstuck."
  684. I find it hilarious that Twilight has just been hanging down there. Well, maybe not hilarious, but the alternative is to lay down in the floor and sob like a little bitch.
  685. > I looked down at her, "Really Twi?"
  686. What, you think she wants to spend the rest of her life hanging by your dick?
  690. >>Chapter 65 - Part 7
  691. > She smiled, "I can't tell you here, Twilight will hear. But, it involves me and a certain stone figure.
  692. Oh, Annabel became a draconequus because she wants the D.
  693. Discord, that is.
  694. Discord’s dick.
  695. Because seriously, so far that’s been the sole motivation for female characters actions, except Lance’s mom.
  696. Man, that was the only character that was even halfway decent. Then again, it's probably the general awfulness of this fic that is making me remember her more fondly.
  697. > I felt a small tingling sensation on my member, and seconds later, we heard a wet smacking sound as my member popped out of Twilight's marehood.
  698. It’s as if he’s somehow scared of saying “vagina”, or hell, even “pussy” seems to be off the table.
  700. > Annabel laughed, "[Celestia] is busy right now."
  701. Then why did she tell them to come to the castle? Was that actually Annabel?
  702. That would make sense, but since Kickass222urmom didn’t write that, I’m going to assume it’s a plothole.
  703. > I turn, "With what?"
  704. > She smirked, "Your friend Vinetion."
  705. The lesbian pegasus who can control vines. That should tell you enough.
  706. > I shrugged, it makes sense. Vine is a lesbian, and I guess the Princess is a.... Oh God!
  707. Yes, because nobody is safe in this twisted abomination of a fanfic.
  708. > I shudder, "I still want to see this library of hers."
  709. Yes, the library full of sex books. I wonder how that knowledge will affect the plot.
  710. Oh, god that was a pun. I’m sorry.
  711. > Twilight nodded, "And I'm going to go check on Spark." She then disappeared also.
  712. Yes, your four day old son, with whom you had no problem leaving home alone.
  713. > I looked down at myself and facehoofed. I didn't have my normal clothes on, and my member was hanging down, showing its self of with pride.
  714. Most ponies go around naked, I doubt seeing an erect penis will cause more alarm than your general appearance.
  718. >>Chapter 66 - Part 1
  719. > This is just deleted scenes.
  720. What? You mean that you wrote things that even ‘you’ didn’t think were good enough to put in the literary abortion that is LtD? Oh boy…
  721. I’m scared, /mlp/.
  722. > You'll see a few that you won't like, but glad I didn't put them in the story.
  723. I agree with every word in that sentence except “few”
  724. > Enjoy a look at craziness XD
  725. If “Living the Dream” is your sanity, I don’t think I want to see your craziness.
  726. > Chapter three:
  727. Oh, Chapter three, back when the only worry in my mind was that Lance may end up with Twi and that the author had a rape victim fetish.
  728. > All the ponies in the room stopped cheering and looked at me. They all had a confused look on their faces.
  729. Seeing a zebra/Pegasus/crocodile/bat thing will do that to you.
  730. > "What is that thing?" Somepony asked.
  731. > "I have no idea. He kinda scares me." Another one said.
  732. > "I think he looks kinda cute." One said.
  733. It just takes one comment to turn the town’s train of thought from “monster!” to “hunk”
  734. > I sighed and became slightly annoyed, why? I have no idea, I had enough of this at my school.
  735. From this, I will assume that in school people addressed Lance as a “thing”.
  736. > I think you all know why I cut that scene XD I was thinking of making Lance a badass, but changed my mind at the last second.
  737. Oh yeah, he was exhuming badassery.
  738. > Chapter 6:
  739. This may come off as a surprise, but I actually like this deleted scene.
  740. > I picked up the pen and notebook and turned towards the table.
  741. Oh, the wondrous waiter job that you no longer do but you somehow still have money.
  742. > The blue stallion looked at me and his eyes widened, "Oh my! What are you!"
  743. Well, what do you know, somebody finally reacted realistically to the sight of Lance.
  744. > The mare struck me across the face.
  745. Yes, you do that.
  749. >>Chapter 66 - Part 1
  750. > My eye twitched, "I don't want to have to kick you out."
  751. > The stallion stood, "You can't kick us out you freak!"
  752. Technically, he can. Then again, his boss didn’t have the common sense these two ponies have and hired this eye sore as a waiter.
  753. > I then did something I never thought I would do. I spread my wings and sprang forward, head butting him in the chest.
  754. Yeah, getting in fights with costumers is an excellent way of making a great impression on your first day of work.
  755. > I stopped typing there, I was hating the though of him getting into a fight, so I changed it.
  756. I gave a good hearty laugh at this.
  757. > Chapter 10:
  758. Oh yeah, the first attempted sex scene. Because there hasn’t been enough of that.
  759. > Celestia looked at me, strangely, "You was about to mate with my most faithful student?!"
  760. I insist, Celestia acknowledged that they were, ugh, “in love”. And she left them in the same house, what did she thought would happen?
  761. > She glared, "How dare you try and take her innocence!"
  762. Oh, so Celestia was going to go all mama bear on Lance.
  763. > She stepped forward, "I here by banish you from Equestria! And all your friends!"
  764. Wait, what?
  765. > Her horn began to glow and I felt myself being transported, far away from the Palace.
  766. He actually wrote this? Why didn’t he do this? Why did Kickass222urmom made us go through all of that if he planned something different?
  767. > My computer cut off at this point, and I was pissed. But while retyping, I changed my mind and decided to go with a more happy path.
  768. God damn it! I could have read a story about a bunch of OC’s getting wrecked in the outer realms of Equestria, but instead I had to suffer through all of this!?
  772. >>Chapter 66 - Part 3
  773. > "Luna, don't do it. This is rape!"
  774. I’m sure she’s aware of that, Lance.
  775. > She smirked, "You'll like it either way."
  776. Eeyup, he definitely has rape victim fetish.
  777. > She pulled me forward, causing my member to penetrate her.
  778. Oh, he actually went through with this. Odd, up until this point he seems so squirmish about it.
  779. > I'm not going to describe this anymore, because it was a full on sex scene.
  780. Then why did you have to describe that last sentence. Also, what’s the point of including this in the deleted scenes if you’re not going to show it? Not that I actually want to see that, but, really?
  781. > Chapter 23:
  782. Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala. Any more shenanigans that you wanted to include?
  783. > This next part was a friends idea, and I wanted to be nice and use it. But cut it at the last second, because it felt wrong to write it. I'm sorry, but what your about to read is sick and disgusting!
  784. ‘You’ felt that it was wrong and disgusting? Jeez, it must be something pretty hardcore.
  785. > Greg dropped David onto his bed and sighed. He was missing the party just so he could bring David back home. That sucks.
  786. Oh, right. David is a lightweight.
  787. > It may be the weed talking, or the alcohol, but something seemed different. Greg felt something... strange.
  788. Apparently, Kickass222urmom wrote a gay scene but found it disgusting, that’s why he reused it forty chapters later.
  789. > He then made his way over to David and...
  790. > I'm stopping it right there! Oh God! I'm so glad I didn't put that in the story.
  791. You know, I’m getting the feeling he didn’t actually wrote the scene and is just doing this to entice gay thoughts. Just like his lame double entendres. He writes something innocuous and forces us to fill the gaps.
  795. >>Chapter 66 - Part 4
  796. > Chapter 32:
  797. Fred’s wedding and the alicornication. If it turns out that he didn’t plan for him to become an alicorn, I’ll be pissed.
  798. > Celestia glared, "What would that reason be?"
  799. > He smirked and pulled out his member, "Because my dick is so much bigger than his!" He began humping the air, and motioning to Luna, "Come on Luna, you know you want this!"
  800. I remember when Greg was just a stoner and not a complete douchebag like the rest.
  801. > Chapter 34:
  802. Right, the Hangover chapter that had no connection to the movie you saw and had no effect on the rest of the plot.
  803. > I nodded, I remembered my first hangover. That was a crazy party that night.
  804. Lance then proceeds to recount his first hangover back on Earth.
  805. > On my head was the words, 'Tea bag here!' And on my chest was, 'Free whore, I take checks'.
  806. Ah, I wonder how did Kickass222urmom came up with this particular scenario.
  807. > I cut this because it didn't really go with the story.
  808. I guess it doesn’t. Then again, what really ‘goes’ with the story?
  809. > Chapter 37:
  810. Oh, the Jackass parody. Was there even more testicular destruction?
  811. > This was going to be the beginning of the chapter, but I changed it when I saw a comment by Iron Clad.
  812. Oh, right. For those of you that don’t know, every OC is a self-insert of one of Kickass222urmom’s “friends”.
  813. > "Hello, I'm Lance, and welcome to jackass!" I said as I stood next to Big Macintosh. I nodded and he bucked me in the side of the face.
  814. I have to say, these are far less imaginative than the stunts the Jackass crew did.
  815. > You can see why I didn't do this one.
  816. Not really, it seems pretty in line with the other non-balls stunts you wrote.
  820. >>Chapter 66 - Part 5
  821. > Chapter 38:
  822. Lance and Twilight’s wedding. What were you going to add, Lance?
  823. > Greg smirked, "Twilight shouldn't marry Lance, he has no balls! But me, I have big balls!"
  824. I guess that this would be funny to a weed addled mind like Greg’s.
  825. > "NOT ANYMORE!" I screamed as I flew from the alter and slammed a hoof into his groin.
  826. I’m sure none of you have functioning testicles after the Jackass thing.
  827. > Chapter 40:
  828. Oh, shit. I just remembered that Luna is pregnant with twins. Can’t blame me, he hasn’t mentioned it again in 25 chapters.
  830. > [Fred] flew through the window, which caused it to be smashed, and landed in the living room.
  831. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he just ran away when Luna told him she was pregnant.
  832. > Lance fell off the couch, holding his face, "Glass! There's glass in my eyes!"
  833. He should have kept this part. It’s not as if there was going to be any permanent damage to the almighty Lance.
  834. > Twilight did the same, but with more grace.
  835. How can anybody writhe in pain gracefully?
  836. > Chapter 60:
  837. Oh, the aftermath of the avalanche. Could this deleted scene hold the explanation for Lance’s freak out? Probably not!
  838. > We both looked at the poor rabbit that had ran up to us. It was nuzzling my leg, apparently happy to have some company.
  839. Kickass222urmom never addressed the food issue, right? Everyone just decided to become vegetarian? Even the Dragon?
  840. > "And that's how Equestria was made." I said, finishing off a stupid story.
  841. If “Living the Dream” ends with Lance saying that, I will punch people.
  842. > Meh, I didn't feel like killing a bunny.
  843. But sending a griffin to die at the center of the Earth in a steel cage is ok.
  847. >>Chapter 66 - Part 6
  848. > Chapter 61:
  849. Oh, the nightmare episode. I wonder if he actually described what happened.
  850. > I looked to where he was pointed and recoiled. The category was MLP: TwilightXTrixie.
  851. Didn’t you hate Trixie with a burning passion? And yet you have a whole folder full of TwilightxTrixie fanfiction.
  852. > She wiggled out from under it, "I saw that story you wrote about me and her! That was sick!"
  853. Uh, how? You’ve only stared at the screen for a few seconds, and there was a lot in that folder.
  854. > "No more bed time fun for you!"
  855. Oh, what could have been…
  856. > XD I have no idea why I cut that scene.
  857. I know. It’s because you wanted to write a horrible sex scene with Twilight.
  858. > Chapter 62:
  859. Annabel’s introduction. I doubt you’re going to give her any depth, so let’s see what you cut.
  860. > Frederic told me to remove this scene
  861. Which is why you still put it on the deleted scenes, right?
  862. > I gulped down what was in my mouth and began gagging, "What the hell was that?!"
  863. > Annabel looked up and smirked, "I thought you would like the taste of sperm."
  864. Mind you, this is what Kickass222urmom originally wrote, and it took someone else’s intervention for him to delete it.
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