Chapter 2: Jack in a Box

Jack hated when Lucas, his tall lanky “co-worker”, called him Jackie.
So naturally, Lucas always called him Jackie.

As for why Lucas liked irritating Jack so much, it could have been for any number of reasons.
The first might have been that five minutes after Lucas told Jack “You’re under arrest”, Jack had cut Lucas’ lip to shit, swollen both of the blonde man’s eyes, and caused a compound fracture in his right eye.

Jack, as a general rule, fought dirty. He used knives, brass knuckles, baseball bats, and, on one occasion, a paper weight. The one thing he refused to use, was a gun.

Lucas, as a general rule, fought with a gun.

There was a reason Jack ended up in Lucas’ custody, rather than the other way around.
The second reason Lucas might have liked annoying Jack so much is because he had watched the movie “Catch Me if You Can” too many times, and was mistakenly under the impression that he and Jack were in a buddy comedy.

But Frank Abagnale Jr. Jack was not. He could forge most anything, and, more pertinent to his plea bargain, could tell a “real” from a “fake”, but he had all the charisma of a damp rag.
Truth was, he only got into the counterfeit racket because he had bad/missing teeth, and lacked dental insurance. Paradise for Jack Harigand was a small dark apartment, a leather recliner chair, and an acoustic guitar.

For some reason, he had no desire for “happiness.” For as long as he could remember, all Jack wished for was to be left alone, in squalid comfort.
Unfortunately, for almost as long as he could remember, he co-habitated with a Manic Pixie Dream girl. He had asked Sayo several times why she chose to live with him, and received several answers.
The first and most common was that “she needed a place to stay.” Sometimes the fifteen year old would throw Jack for a loop and say she “liked older men” – only to immediately wink and say “just kidding.” Whatever the reason, the reality was this: Jack’s desire to make her leave didn’t outweigh the effort it would involve.
He had tried to give her the boot once – he changed the keys to his apartment and locked the door – but she found a way back in anyways.

Now, I could go and detail the vast circumstance behind this locked room mystery, but the answer to it is simple. There was a large rock covered in shards of glass outside of Jack’s apartment, and a broken window. How Sayo got back into the apartment is as straight forward as you can imagine it to be.

But Sayo’s presence was a mixed blessing in surprise, since she could drive and Jack, uh… couldn’t. Not without hitting at least one trash can along the way.  More important, Sayo could drive while Jack talked to the guy he hated talking to.

“No, I ain’t ever been.”, Jack grumbled into his 2006 Razor. “Too much fish.”
“You don’t like fish?”, the voice on the other side of the phone replied, surprised.
Jack didn’t dignify Lucas’ attempt at small talk with a response.
“Well, anyways, we’re going to Japan, is the short of it. Like, uh… today. Hence why I asked you to head over to LAX.”
Jack bit his bottom lip, and sighed. He had learned not to question Lucas’ odd requests, but even he had his limits.
“Technically speaking, ain’t you and I FBI?”
“No, technically speaking I’m FBI, and you’re my slave monkey.”, Lucas quipped, cheerily.
Jack groaned.

“Aight. You’re FBI, and I’m an FBI Slave Monkey. Why on earth would be going to Japan? That ain’t our jurisdiction.”
Lucas chuckled.

“Hey Jackie, know the first rule about fight club?”
“No.”

“Well, here’s the second rule: There are no rules. The reason you and I are being sent to Japan is because there’s a prominent little piggy in need of our services, and the CIA and NSA don’t have the manpower to spare.”

“What, like a prime minister or something?”, Jack asked, somehow feeling more dirty than when he would literally cover his counterfeit bills in dirt.
“No, far more powerful than that. A CEO.”
Suddenly, Sayo stopped short, causing Jack’s head to smack into the dashboard.
“Sorry.”, Sayo mouthed, as Jack picked up his fallen cellphone.

“Ok, ok.”, Jack mumbled, disoriented and stressed from the LA traffic. “What’s Scrooge McDuck’s name?”
“Ushiromiya Ange.”, Lucas replied.