Thread 8: Stories 61-75

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>Spike
"42"
'DT'
-77-
~~~~~
-Small, yet spacious, secure, and mobile. I like this.-

"Isn't it great?"

'And the weapons package... Do the flamethrowers come standard?'

"Actually, no, I got them put in since I'm more of a brawler."

>Man, I can't believe I turned one of these down when Twilight offered it to me. I feel like an idiot.

"Yes, you should."

'So, can I take the controls?'

>And maybe I can after her?

"Are you two even old enough to drive?"

-You're asking them that when they both walk around with lethal weapons and Spike is the only one of us who actually practices gun safety?-

"You have to set boundaries with children, 77."
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~

>Oh come on!

"Did you think a mere six feet of solid concrete was enough to keep me out? Did you!?"

>YES!

"Then once again, you have underestimated the brilliant mind of the worlds most notorious infiltrator!"

>Where did you even GET that rocket launcher!?

"42 is currently in the midst of a bet with a gradeschooler, and she got this in exchange for some brass horseshoes."

>...There are just, so many things wrong with what you just said.

"Point is, I HAVE MADE IT THOUGH!"

>Fantastic. Now what?

"Now? My dear, beloved Shiny, now I am going to... stare mournfully at all the shattered glass and wine dripping to the floor, as I seem to have forgotten the effects of rockets and shrapnel against bottles."

>Need a moment?

"Yeah, gonna need a bit here."

>...I'll join you.

"..."

>...You feel that liquid pride?

"Just pouring out, Shiny."

>Just... pouring... out.
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~~~~

>KRACKABOOOM!

"One of these days, you're just going to open my door normally, and I won't know how to react."

>Can it, I need more bits.

"I just gave you some!"

>And I need more, why is this complicated to you? You give Two bits whenever she asks!

"She's my adopted daughter."

>And regular kind.

"...Wha... what?"

>Oh, crap, didn't I tell you? Yeaaah, reason she acts so young all the time is that she's only about... two years old?

"...What..."

>Yeah, in hindsight we lucked out! Resilient little bugger doesn't have any brain damage at all from being shaken around when you rocketed me out of Canterlot. Don't worry, I don't blame you for that, didn't know I was pregnant myself!

"...WHAAAAT!?..."

>Yep, so all along, she was reallypfffttHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HOLY SHIT LOOK AT YOUR FAAAACE! O-Oh man! OH SWEET MASSIVE FLANKS OF CELESTIAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! LOOK AT YOU THIS IS PERFECT! AHAHAHHAHAHA!

"...What."

>Haha~... yeah, I was just messing with you, she's not biolyses related to you.

"Biologically."

>Stop making up words! Anywhoo, can I get those bits now-

*WHAM!*

>FACE! Not so hard in the FACE!

"Five seconds, and then I use the anti-changeling shield."

>Eeesh! Fine! So antsy over a joke. Look, if it's THAT important to you, we can just make one right now-nononononoShinyIwaskiddingnonono!

Several hundred feet away, 42 watched as her queen was rocketed out of the castle, and just had herself a nice, long sigh.
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>Applejack
"Dash"
~~~~~~

>So, how's it comin' along?

"NONE OF THEM FILED ANYTHING."

>...Right?

"No, you don't understand! Most of these documents are false or improperly filled out! Fleetfoot listed herself as a GRIFFON for fucks sake! She didn't even graduate school! ONE fucking Wonderbolt filled it out properly! ONE. Soarin' is the ONLY ONE who did this right!"

>Well, that's somethin' right... is yer' room on fire?

"Applejack, this is symbolic for me. I am burning this mess to the ground, and from the ashes like a phoenix I will rise up, and build anew. I am going to make each and every one of them fill out this paperwork RIGHT, or I am going to MAKE SPITFIRE EAT THEIR UNIFORMS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM!"

>...Yer' blood vessel burst.

"And it's going to be the last time. I promise you."

>Yer' building is gonna burn to the ground.

"That's where the memories live, Applejack. But they're gone now... they're gone now..."
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>Spike
[Charity voiced by Spike]
"Various Mustangs"
~~~~~
[Spike, why are we in Mustangia?]

>There's a faction that wants a free Mustangia and secede from Equestria.

[I know that, but why are WE here? A plaincoat royal guard would have been sufficient to check them out.]

>I'd rather see for myself. They could be related to the attacks.
Spike puts on a moustache and enters a warehouse where the Mustang leaders are meeting. He sneaks in and hides above the catwalk.

"Alright that's the last of the red barrels."

"Excellent. We've got enough red barrels here to destroy the palace in Canterlot and end the princesses' tyranny over Mustangia."

"The revolution is close to fruition fellow Mustangs."

"Those princesses don't stand a chance!"

"Those Aliwhores will learn that Mustangia is for Mustangs!"

"We'll hang them."

"We'll burn them."

"We'll blow them to bits!"

"For a Free Mustangia!"

"FOR A FREE MUSTANGIA!"

>...There'll be no mercy for sedition.
Spike checks the chamber

[Spikey, I thought we didn't do these kinds of things anymore]

He spins it shut
>I lied.

ALTERNATE ENDING

>Royal Equestian Agent, you're all under arrest for conspiracy! Hooves in the air!
A mustang drops his red barrel as he raises his hooves.

>Oh F-
The entire warehouse explodes spectacularly.
The next day Applejack is reading the newspaper about the leaders killed in a warehouse explosion.
'When will ponies learn not put their red barrels everywhere. I better make some new regulations...*sniff sniff*...Spike...why do you smell like...burning?'

>I've been...smoking......a hookah...I gotta go.

'...'

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~~

>ABSOLUTELY NOT!

"Aww, come on! Don't be that guy. Nobody likes that guy."

>Chrysalis, you have five seconds to get that GARBAGE out of my house!

"Castle."

>Whatever!

"C'mooon! I just want to try it."

>You are NOT lighting a hooka in my house!

"Castle."

>WHATEVER!

"But I can't find any of my special mushrooms! I don't even think they grow in Equestria at all!"

>Mushrooms!?

"Yeah! Oh, it was awesome. One night I was having trouble sleeping, and I think my mom was too cause she was really twitchy when I was in the room... anyway! She gave me her "Special dream mushroom", and I was sleeping in no time! Mostly. It's kind of hazy after that. More to the point, the pony I bought this from said it's perfect for "relaxing", and I just want to chill a bit. You really going to stop me from chilling?"

*BOOM!*

"Narc!"

>No more drugs!

"Fiiiine! But if I find anymore special dream mushrooms, I'm not sharing!"

*After she stomps off*

>... Has my life really reached the point where I have to be that one annoying asshole in the PSA's? Mom, Dad, I am so sorry for ever doubting you.
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> Applejack
"Celestia"
'Luna'
*Various*
====
>Uh, first I'd like ta thank y'all fer bein' here fer the unveilin' of mah own portrait window! My, this is powerful excitin' ... now, y'all know Ah ain't one fer long fancy speeches, so ... let 'er rip, Spike!

Spike tugs the golden rope, and the curtains part, showing a grand stained-glass picture of Princess Applejack, wings spread against the background of a radiant sunrise.

*Ooh!*
*Aah!*
*I really like her mane!*
*And dat flank!*

In her hooves she carries a horn of plenty, spilling fruity goodness into the frolicking throng of ponies below.

Arrayed about her are little cherubic versions of the other royals, hard at paperwork while gazing approvingly at Applejack.

Her stetson frames her imperious face like a halo, with golden laurels embroidered on its brim.

The long, crimson ribbons binding her mane and tail ripple as if in an ethereal wind, and a motto is picked out against the red in golden orange.

>Well, Ah dunno what ta' say, I'm mighty flattered!

"As you should be, my dear Applejack. But ... was the motto really necessary?

'Pray let us look closer, dear sister ... ceterum autem censeo celestia esse culpam?'

>Wull, it wouldn't be mah window if it weren't honest, now would it?
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>Celestia
"SA"
~~~~~~

>Shining Armor.

"Heard you almost took a bullet for Applejack, you okay?"

>No, I am emotionally devastated that my favorite neckband was broken.

"Really?"

>Heavens no, that thing was so out of date and poor quality it was chipping off paint, I like this one WAY better.

"So you're alright?"

>Shining Armor, if I was seriously injured, EVERYONE would know it.

"Ahhh, you caught me. I was just worried about you personally."

>...Oh?

"Yeah, Applejack told me you pushed her out of the way. I mean, I wasn't surprised, I know you'd do that for pretty much anyone... but she also mentioned that little talk you had afterwards."

>I stand by what I said. Not only her, but all of you are Equestria's future. My own safety is less important.

"Now, see, that's where you're wrong."

>Oh?

"Yeah. Whatever the future holds, I don't want Equestria to see it without you. You're still it's Princess, Celestia. You make mistakes, you do quick fixes, and you complain sometimes, but at heart, you're the big, bright beacon that lead these ponies out of the dark ages. I'm not saying we'd fall apart without you... but it would be a little harder to see what's next."

>...

"You might not be the only Princess I care about anymore, but I'll never forget the one who stood by me and believed in me enough to get me to where I am. So please, for a favor to your old guard, be a little more careful?"

>...Alright, but you can't ask me not to protect them.

"Celestia? The idea that you even COULD let them get hurt like that never so much as crossed my mind."

With that, he turned and began to leave.

"You really need to visit more often, we never get to spend any time together anymore. I miss it."

>I... I'll make some plans next week.

"Great! I'll tell Two to get out her good crayons. Take care, Celestia."

It's only long, long after he's gone that she could let herself breath again.

>Damn it, you can't just... you can't just make me cry like that. It's not fair.
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Luna'
[Chrysalis]
-Twilight-
{Fluttershy}
~~~~~~~

>Alright, this meetin' is now in session! First order o' business... Yes, Fluttershy?

{Chrysalis has been twitching for the last ten minutes.}

>Ah' don't rightly care.

{She looks like she's about to follow the Apple Family tradition.}

>How do ya'll even know about that!?

{Discord spies on you guys. He thinks you're funny.}

>...Ignorin' that. FINE! Chyrsalis, what is the problem?

[NONE OF US ARE GETTING LAID!]

>...

"You asked for this. She didn't bring it up."

>Ah' know, and that's what really hurts.

[Think about it! We are some of the most influential, powerful creatures on the PLANET! Several of us could ANNIHILATE CANTERLOT if we wanted to! Why are NONE of us getting any!?]

"Because I-"

[EXCLUDING YOU!]

>Cause Ah'm more about fixin' what amounts to a bunch of broken glass durin' an earthquake?

'We are not in season yet.'

-It gets in the way of SCIENCE! Also, last time I tired I swear I heard a thousand angry voices screeching at me from beyond time and space. I don't get it either.-

[Just saying, I- hey, where'd the yellow one go?]

>Fluttershy snuck off after ya' said yer' first bit. Ya' know how shy she is.

-Oh no, I didn't even think about that! She's probably under another table to hide her embarrassment again.-

'Back on topic-

>HAH!

'-Why doesn't THOU fornicate if it is so important?'

[Hey, at least I'm trying! Really hard, actually. Really really hard. I really want Shiny to hit this, but he's just not playing ball.]

-SHUTUPSHUTUP!-

>That a satisfactory answer for ya'?

[...Fine! I guess we all do have a lot going on.]

"Except you."

>Then the matter is... oh good lord, no.

-What's wrong?-

>This is the first time somethin' was ever brought up to this group, reached an consensus and dealt with promptly... and it's about how none of us have got it goin' on.

"..."
'...'
-...-
[...]

>...Ah' need a drink.

Elsewhere in the castle, Fluttershy just laughed harder.
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>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
'42'
~~~~~
Twilight walks into the Crystal palace in adventure gear

>Wow! Never thought I'd say this, Chrysalis, but you're just who I wanted to see!

"Hm?"

>I went on an excavation of some of the old sites of various changeling hives and found something I was wondering if you could translate. It was apparently located in your old chambers, in fact.

Twilight holds up a tablet and Chrysalis' face brightens

"Awesome! You found my epitaph!"

'Your what, your majesty?'

"An epitaph! Its a title that automatically goes after your name. All queens had them, and sometimes heirs might receive theirs before their ascension."

>I'm honestly amazed you know what epitaph means.

"Well it's only the coolest thing ever. But, yeah, you have titles like The Queen of Blades, she was a real ass, by the way. Then there was The Queen of Hearts. Ho, boy, no idea how she died, she was like, a thousand 42s and 77s in terms of fighting skill."

'So what was your epitaph, my queen?'

"My full name and title is Queen Chrysalis: Queen Bitch of the Universe! ... The Second."

>Do I want to know who the first was?

'You mentioned sometimes an heir would gain their epitaph before ascension, what would mine be?'

42 tries to hide her excitement and hopes she could have the title 'The Queen of Blades'

"Oh, yeah, I already have yours ready, you would be Applejack 42: Queen Bitch og the Universe The Third!"

'... Thank you... Your majesty.'

"It'll be an awesome title if you ever pry it from my chest cavity. Wear it with pride."

>Do I really want to know?

'No, you don't.'
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~~~~~~~

>OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWW!

"What the hell were you thinking!?"

>It sounded so cool on paper!

"Turning your arm into a sword sounds cool on paper!?"

>...Yes?

"Okay, fine, that does sound kind of cool, but only if you can CHANGE IT BACK!"

>I didn't know it might almost turn permanent!

"You are so lucky I am good at undoing transformation magic and caught this in time. Do you know where you would be right now if Twilight wasn't my sister, or if she didn't try to experiment on everything? You'd be scraping up my floor as you dragged around your giant knife hand, that's where you'd be."

>Just fix it!

"I'm fixing it!"

>You're not fixing it fast enough! IT HURTS!

"You have NO BLOOD FLOW! Of course it hurts!"

>This was soooo stuuuupid!

"NO KIDDING!?"

>EEEEEEeeahhhh, ooooohhhh... that's nice. Okay, yeah, it's fixed.

"No more sword arm stuff!"

>Fine, you win. Well, I do suppose you deserve a thank you, why don't you sit on that chair real quick and I'll-

"No, Chrysalis."

>Jeez! Ungrateful! I was trying to thank you.

"It's fine."

>...I am actually pretty lucky you were here.

"It's fine, you don't have to thank me."

>Yeah yeah, I know. Tell you what, no messing up your papers today, that good?

"That would mean so much if it wasn't eight o' clock... PM."

>Baby steps, Shiny.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Twilight'
~~~~~~~~~

>Alright, you look like you're back to normal.

"How do you know so much about transformations anyway?"

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~

>TWILIGHT NO!

'But Shiny, the extra limb means the ducky can swim twice as fast!"

~~~~~

>TWILIGHT NO!

'Mr Biggles will thank me when he can catch his mice... FROM ABOVE! Just you wait, Shiny!'

~~~~~~~

>TWILIGHT NO!

'But Shiny, I need to test how fast a lizard can grow his tail back, and it's cruel if I don't give him at least three!'

~~~~~~~~

*SKEEEERRRRROOOOOOOOOOONK!*

>....

'...I got nothing.'

~~~~~~~

"Shiny? You okay? You're kind of... shaking. A lot. And foaming."

>...T-twili noooo...

"...Eh, he's probably okay."
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>Spike
"applejack"
'Rarity'
[charity]
-Twilight-
~~~~~
"Ya wanna talk 'bout what's keepin' ya up, loverboy?"

>No... Let's just go to sleep.

-Spike, something's honestly bothering you, anyone can see it.-

"We do not wish to be rude and pry, but you haven't slept well for the past few days now."

[Darling, listen to them. They're your friends. You love them.]

>... Alright, I hate to admit it, but I feel guilty. I feel guilty about all the people I've killed, and I feel worse because people are calling me a hero, or a 'badass', or worse, they think I'm someone they should imitate! I want to tell them that, deep down, I hate holding you, Charity. That every time I pick you up I feel just a bit smaller because I have to use pain, death, and force to get people to so much as listen to me.

-But you feel like you would be disappointing them-

"Like how Celestia an' rarity ended up disappointin' you."

>... Yeah... I just... Some days I just want it to stop!

Spike blinks and looks around his empty room. No Twilight, no applejack, no Rarity, and even Charity wasn't where he thought it was.

>Great, I really am losing it...

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*Zap*
>Bunny!

"Twily, no pets in the house."

*Zap*
>Tree!

"Twily, a palm tree would not survive in our climate zone "

*Zap*
>Ducky!

"Twily pls."

*Zap*
>Books!

"Twily you have enough books, i'm pretty sure your dream house is going to be library of some sort."

*Zap*
>Imperator Titan!

"Impera what."

*CRASH*
[THE EMPEROR PROTECTS.]

"SWEET CELESTIA!"

>You didnt say no! That means i get to keep it! YAY!

{Twilight, you know you're not allowed highly advanced pieces of mass destruction until you're older.}

>But daaaaaaaaaaad!
*Wibble*

{No buts dear, your mother used our photo album to make me immune to that look last week dear.}

>No fair!
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>Chrysalis
"Spike"
~~~~~

>Well, someone's looking down!

"Chrysalis. How nice to see you... in Canterlot. Why?"

>Eh, had to visit my guys in the ballroom, make sure they're not dead yet.

"I feel the love, really."

>Point is, you're staring at that thing pretty hard, gonna shoot someone else-

"NO!"

>...

"...I mean, no. I don't do that anymore. I'm done."

>Pfft, pansy. How many did you even shoot?

"Too many."

>So, what, Twenty?

"Well, no, not that many."

>HAH! You little sissy! I had a kill count in the triple digits when I was half your age! You don't know the MEANING of awesome!

"It's not awesome!"

>It totally is! When I was your age, I was fighting bandits, slaying hydras, getting into all kinds of daring battles, and what did you do? Shoot a bunch of guys that were trying to murder you? You suck. Stop pretending you're on my level.

"...You're right, Chrysalis, I'm not on your level. Nowhere close."

>HAH!

"I guess I was just raised differently, huh?"

>Yeah, but hey, don't beat yourself up! I guess Twilight raised you? She's okay, I guess, but she's not really on my mom's level of awesome. Feel better?

"You know what? This really did make me feel better."

>Hah! And Shiny says I have no social skills. Shows him!

She skipped off after that, feeling like she had just won the prize for "best Queen". Spike stayed behind.

"...You know, Charity, it's times like that you remember how lucky you are to know something as simple as basic empathy. I lucked out with Twi and Celestia."

{Agreed.}

"C'mon, Charity. We might be done killing, but we're not done looking out for them."

*Spiiiiiin!*

*CLICK!*

"That's a promise."
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