On the nature of Darkness

Between Officios, there are a lot of differences in the ways magical girls do things and in the traditions that surround them. One thing that's always been consistent however is the laws of the system, and how the darkness that slowly builds up within everyone's Soul Gems is said to be some sort of physical manifestation of Grief, pain and despair; a crystallization of misery.

For the longest time, I've taken that assessment as fact and never questioned it. More recently though, I've started to doubt it. Sure, things were rough at first, and I've had bad times just like everybody else, but it eventually dawned on me that I always took every problem by a positive angle, no matter how dire or gloom it might be. This was even more obvious to me once I left Prague and became able to compare my views with that of others from all around the world.

I came to realize and understand that I had no regrets and no second thoughts about my decision to take up the contract. I felt no sorrows, no grief, and I always found ways to turn the situation around when things seemed bad. I would not, or perhaps even could not despair. It was something that was utterly alien to the way my mind did work, and still works to this day. I understand that functioning like this makes me an oddity and that very few could relate with what I write, but this is beyond the real enigma.

Even as I realized that my emotions were pure and did not contain any misery, and although I felt happy with my choices, something did not make sense: My Soul Gem was still gathering darkness. If the darkness was supposed to be the physical manifestation of negative emotion, and I felt very few to no negative emotions, then how could it be that it was still gathering? Why was it not remaining spotless, or at the very least doing so at a much slower rate?

With this in mind, I could only come to a single conclusion: Perhaps the darkness within does -not- necessarily symbolize Grief and sorrows. It can, and certainly does at time, but apparently, not always. This raises the question of whether the Incubator know of this or not, and if they do; whether they hide it from us willingly. The question that interests me the most though, is not that one. What I really want to know, more than anything else is as follows:

"If this darkness is not Grief, then what else is this darkness dancing in my Soul Gem, which I have come to find soothing and relaxing?"