DRM Wars
Episode IV
A New Hope

    A long time ago, on a World Wide Web far, far, away....

    A vast sea of game titles serves as the backdrop for the main title. War drums echo through the heavens as a rollup slowly crawls into infinity.

    It is a period of market war. Rebel bundle groups, striking from a hidden web-site have won their first victory against the evil Galactic EAmpire.
    During the battle, Groupee spies managed to steal secret plans to the EAmpire's ultimate weapon, the DRMStar, an armored copyright protection station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.
    Pursued by the EAmpire's sinister agents (Satan, Demon and Dude), Professor Snake races home aboard his Private Infiltratorhip, custodian of the stolen plans that can save his people and restore freedom to the gaming industry...

The awesome white chat of Be Mine 8 emerges from a total eclipse, it's two bonuses left glowing against the dark background of the web-site. A tiny indie developer, a Rebel Snake firing game codes from the back, races through Internet. It is pursed by a giant EAmperial Gamedestroyer. Hundreds of deadly DLCbolts streak from the EAmperial Gamedestroyer, causing the main PR plan of the Snake craft to disintegrate.


INTERIOR: REBEL SNAKESHIP -- MAIN PASSAGEWAY.

An explosion rocks the Snakeship as two robots, Ceeeee-Jaaaaay (CE-JA) and AMaaaa-NDaaaa (AM-ND) struggle to make their way through the shaking, bouncing chat. Both robots are old and battered.... except for one of them is young and pretty (you know which one).
CeeJaaay is a short, well-armed tripod. His face is a mass of wood pellets surrounding a steam engine. AMmaaNDaaaaa, on the other hand, is a tall, slender robot of human proportions. (S)he has a gleaming bronze-like metallic skin from spending too much time in tanning beauty saloon and wears Art Deco design.
Another blast shakes them as they struggle along their way.

AMAANDAAA: Did you hear that? They've shut down the main chat. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!

Rebel groupees rush past the robots and take up positions in the main passageway. They aim their weapons toward the main page.

AMAANDAAA: We're doomed!

The little CJ's steam valve lets out a series of loud whistles (the ones you'd hear trains and boats make) that only another robot could understand.

AMMANNDAAA: There'll be no escape for the Professor this time.

CJ continues making whistling sounds. Tension mounts as loud noises from Copyright Trolls and the scream of heavy DRM-equipment are heard moving around the outside of the groupees web-site.

AMMAANDAAA: What's that?

EXTERIOR: SPACEY SPACECRAFT SPACED IN SPACE.

The EAmperial craft has easily overtaken the Rebel Snake Runner. The smaller Snake ship is being drawn into the
underside dock of the giant EAmperial starship.

INTERIOR: REBEL SNAKE RUNNER.

        The nervous groupee super-troopers aim their wallets at buying a the next bundle. Suddenly a tremendous copyright infringment notice strikes (strike 1 - when it's three - you're out) up a hole in the main page code and a score of fearsome suited stormlawyers make their way into the terror-filled chat.
         In a few minutes the entire conversation is ablaze with flaming. The deadly LAWbolts ricochet in wild random patterns hitting innocent legitimate customers and creating enormous fines. Stormtlawyers scatter and duck (quack) behind bundle profiles. LAWbolts hit several groupee soldiers who scream and stagger through the chat, holding shattered
purchases and DRM-free versions they managed to salvage and download at the last moment.
           A copyright infringement notice hits right near the robots.

AMMMANDAAAAA: I should have known better than to trust the logic of a half-sized steampowered groupees support chat assister...

        CEEEEJAAAAAYYYY counters with an angry steamroller-like roar as the battle rages around the two hapless robots

EXTERIOR: GROUPEES CHAT -- WHITE WASTEOFTIMELAND -- DAY.

        A death-white spreadsheet stretches from horizon to horizon. The tremendous heat of two huge twin bonuses settle on a lone figure, Shifty Slug, a Dutch boy with heroic aspirations who looks much younger than his ****teen years. His shaggy hair, baggy tunic and red adming nickname give him the air of a simple but lovable lad with a prize-winning smile.