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- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Hi, I’m the Royal Mail Tracking Assistant. Your item’s status is We’ve got it. We have your item at **NW Midlands Mail Centre** and it’s on its way.
- We’ll update the status information as your item moves through our network. If the service used only offers delivery confirmation, we’ll update the status when delivery has been attempted.
- [BUTTON] Tell me more
- ME: Delivery was due yesterday.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: No.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: I won’t.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: You can’t make me.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: Royal Mail, don’t do this to me you son of a bitch
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: You’re just like my ex-wife.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: Did you ever meet Jankne?
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: It’s a yes or a no, Royal.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: Oh shit, help. I’ve fallen over and am in a big hole and I think my leg’s come off.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: YOU select one of the options! My leg’s come undone!
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: I’m dead now.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: You killed me.
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: Please, before I go, tell me something that’ll make me smile. Just one word of kindness before the darkness envelops me and I take my leave of this callous, feted hellscape
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
- ME: GAH!
- ROYAL MAIL BOT: Please select one of the options
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