Legend of the Wandering Autist - Act V [END]

ACT V: The Duel
Part 1: Wherein Anon Imposes Upon Apple Fritter's Hospitality

>the thing about living in a mountain
>it completely kills your sense of time
>it was dark when you first started climbing down
>and it's still dark now
>Razzie is nestled in your good arm
>which, to tell you the truth, is really starting to ache now
>the ride down seems to have been too bumpy for her to get any sleep
>but she's been so silent that you've felt completely alone
>your bad arm is hanging uselessly at your side
>and it's still leaving a trail of blood behind you
>you should probably be worried that it doesn't hurt anymore
>on an unrelated note, all good things must come to an end
>on a more related note, all shit things must come to an end too
>since the Apples' house is sort of outside of town, you were able to reach it without having to pass through Picacholt
>thankfully, any evil henchponies that may have been waiting for you have given up
>all the same, it's probably best to be seen as little as possible
>currently, you're making a sticky mess all over Apple Fritter's nice front porch
>and you're sort of thumping on the door with your shoulder
>it seems like a long wait to a guy who's probably bleeding out
>but eventually the door does open
>"Nonermous?"
"Hey, Fritter. Hold my filly for a sec, will ya?"
>surprised, Fritter's hooves move to accomodate the Razzie that's clumsily shoved into her face
"You know, it seems like I've done an awful lot of losing consciousness this past month or so…"
>and your ass hits the ground
>then your back
"Probably not healthy…"
>and once again
>the world drifts off into the black

>you come to in a bed that's some two feet too short for your legs
>Fritter notices immediately
>because she's hovering over you with a needle and thread clenched between her teeth
>"Er! Nernermer, dern mer."
"What?"
>Fritter's head bobs down out of sight
>something sharp and, well, needle-like is jabbed into the skin on your arm and back out again
>"I said don't move."
"Ooooooooooof."
>"Oh, quit your moaning, I'm almost done."
>pulling the string through and up, her head slides back into your view
>you crane your neck and look at your arm
"Geez."
>"Er ser dern mer!"
"Y-yeah, right, sorry."
>you lay your head back down
>the needle goes in again
>you were planning on being stoic for this jab
>but a little yelp comes out anyway
>your arm
>it's an intricate, patchwork spiderweb of scars and stitching
>it extends from the back of your hand, all the way up to the knuckles, and reaches an inch or two past your elbow
>Fritter's needle is already a little bit past the elbow itself
"Sorry."
>"Huh?"
"Didn't realize I was cut up so bad."
>Fritter sighs
>she pulls the needle through again
>and jams it back in to speak
>"Yeah, I been working on you a good... six hours or so, now."
"Geez."
>Fritter completes another stitch before you speak again
"Didn't realize you were a doctor."
>the needle gets jabbed in bit harder this time
>"Well I ain't got a degree, but every mare's gotta know something about fixing folks up around these parts."
>thread goes out
>thread goes in
"Sorry."
>Fritter sighs again
>"Well, what you supposed to do? Die in the desert with a foal in your arms?"
>the needle goes out
"Oh, Razzie. Where is she? Is she all right?"
>the needle goes in
>you wince
>"She's curled up in that corner over there. I think she's sleeping."
"That's good. I'm sure last night exhausted her."
>"You can say that again. She is the saddest little filly I ever did see."
>Fritter bobs up with the needle again
>and stabs it back in again
>"What happened to her?"
"Uh, short version, her mom died last night. She blames herself."
>Fritter was pulling the needle back up
>but she drops it from her mouth and inhales now
>"Oh, my word..."
"Yeah. It's been a... weird two months."
>Fritter yanks at the string and then snips it with her teeth
>"Well, I wish I could stick around and hear all about it..."
>somehow
>some fucking how
>this mare ties a knot with her mouth
>"But we're having a bit of a calamity today. None of our apples are ripening anymore. Don't get out of bed, I'll check up on you again at sundown."
"None of your apples..."
>Fritter is halfway out the door when you shout out to her
"Uh, hang on, Fritter, wait, that might be my fault."
>without seeming to cross the room, she somehow comes to be glaring into your face
>"What?"
"Um, I, I can fix it. It was supposed to be a present for you. In, uh, one of the bags I was carrying. The old leather one."
>"Nonermous..."
>rustling sounds emanate from a corner of the room
>figuring that you can move now that Fritter isn't sewing you up anymore, you risk turning your head toward the sound
>Apple Fritter is rummaging through the old leather tote
>"Oh, hello, Mr. Sombra."
>she gets a low rumbling sound for a response
>"Nonermous."
>Fritter pulls her hoof out of the bag
>held in the impossible hoof-grip of the earth pony race is a smooth, slender cone of grey stone
>"Is this the... is this the... is...?"
"The Peg-Horn of Darkstar? Yeah. I think so. The journal, you should read the journal in there."
>"What's in the journal?"
"You just... need to read it."
>"No..."
>the old book is taken from the old bag
>she opens it to the first page
>"This is the journal of..."
>"This is the journal of..."
>"This is..."
>"The journal..."
>carefully and deliberately
>Apple Fritter closes the journal
>and sets it down in the bag
>she takes up the Peg-Horn
>and doesn't look at you
>"I'm gonna go fix my orchard."

>Fritter comes back in all wide-eyed
>"Well, it's definitely the Peg-Horn."
"I figured it was."
>"Land's sake. It's a good thing you found it when you did. As cut up as you were, you probably wouldn't have made it if you'd walked here."
"Huh? I did walk here."
>Apple Fritter gives you a funny look
>"Oh. I had no idea this thing was so close to my farm then."
"It wasn't that close. It was way up near the top of Darkstar's Mountain."
>the little apple-farming mare is looking at you like you've just said the dumbest shit she's ever heard in her life
>"Wait. So, you were bleeding half to death..."
"Yeah."
>"Had a little filly depending on you..."
"Uh huh."
>"Needed to get somewhere you could get help..."
"Right."
>"And you were carrying a legendary spellcasting artifact the whole time?"
"Uh, yeah."
>Fritter blinks
>"Nonermous... why didn't you just teleport here?"
>teleport?
"Um..."
>teleport
"Uh..."
>TELEPORT
"That's a good question."
>Apple Fritter scoffs
>"Mr. Nonermous, you ain't got no sense."
"I'll own that."
>you sit up
>"Careful, now!"
>you swing your legs off the bed
"Oh, what's the worst that could happen?"
>you stand up
>your vision turns grey
>you land on your face
>"Well, you could fall down."
"Sh-"
>wait
>Razzie's in the room
"Crap."
>actually, how is Razzie?
>she's been silent ever since you woke up
"Hey Razzie?"
>there's a silence as you heave yourself to your hands and knees
>is she asleep?
>"Yes, Anon?"
"How you doing over there?"
>"I am tired."
"Yeah?"
>your bad arm goes out
>your face hits the floor again
"You wanna trade spots? You take the bed and I take the floor?"
>the lone word floats from the dark corner of the room
>"No."
>you manage to get your upper body onto the bed
>from this vantage you can see Razzie
>curled up on the floor and facing the wall
>you crane your neck to look at Apple Fritter
>she shakes her head
>then offers her shoulder to push you back onto the bed
>once you're settled back in, you figure some pleasantries are a bit overdue
"So Apple Fritter, how have things been?"
>"Eh... Dunno if I should tell you."
"Is it that bad?"
>"No. No, no. Things ain't bad. It's just... it might be a mite bit exciting for someone who can't stand up."
"Am I that bad?"
>Fritter smiles, for the first time since you woke up
>but it's not her usual, sly, coquettish grin
>it's a soft smile
>a reserved smile
>"For a few days more, at least."
"Man..."
>"Listen, Nonermous. Don't worry about anything. Nobody knows you're here, except for me and Jonagold. Everything's gonna be fine."

Part 2: Unnecessary

>it's been a few days
>you're sitting up now
>Razzie's silent vigil has moved from curled up in the corner to curled up into your side
>she's still not speaking, but that's gotta be some kind of improvement
>right?
>Apple Fritter is lying on her belly on the floor
>there's a plate of, well, apple fritters sitting between her forehooves
"All right, you got my story out of me now."
>"Yep, yep. I guess it's only fair. I'll tell you what's been going on."
>"First off, while I was in Ponyville, I did tell Applejack and her friends about you."
>"I know you didn't want that, but, well, I figured there was trouble coming. And I guess I figured right."
>"Anyhow, that got Princess Twilight over here right quick."
>"'Course, by that time, you were already gone."
>"Oh, she spent a long time looking for you. Probably about a month or so. She even got Princess Luna to come and see if she could sniff out your dreams. But you noticed that."
>"Anyway, it didn't take a whole month in Picacholt to realize that Collishaw Cueball and Piebald were bad news."
>"Princess Twilight managed to get Piebald run out of town. Collishaw Cueball is still the sheriff, but it looks like he's given up on stealing the apple farm."
>"So, after Princess Twilight left town, things were quiet. Til you showed back up, anyway."
"I thought you said this story was exciting."
>"Well, I guess it was a bit more exciting to live than it was to tell. Not quite like your story."
>"I mean, your story. I almost don't believe it. It's like something out of an old magazine."
"The journal tells a similar story."
>Apple Fritter looks down
>"Oh, I bet. I'm still not ready to read it, Nonermous."
>you stroke Razzie's mane for a while
"So my mess got cleaned up without me, huh?"
>Fritter scoffs
>"This town was a mess before you got here, Nonermous."
>a stream of cool air flows into your lungs
>and a burst of warm gas comes out
>"Nonermous, the princess came and fixed this town... because you were here. Doesn't that count for something?"
>"Because I think it means you must be a real special fella."
>"And I think... no... I know that Princess Twilight thinks so too."
>your fingers bury themselves in Razzie's mane
>the cool locks of hair flowing through them cause you to inhale deeply
"You think so?"
>"I do."
"Did she tell you... about..."
>"Yeah. She did."
"Hell."
>Apple Fritter's soft yellow hoof snakes its way to your hand
>"Nonermous... When are you gonna go home to her?"
>the ceiling becomes very interesting to your eyes for some reason
"You think I should?"

Part 3: Happily Ever After?

>by the time you could walk again, you'd decided
>yes
>yes, it's time to go back to Ponyville
>you're not sure what exactly you were looking for out here
>but you think you've already found it
>in Razzie
>before you met her, you felt like you could just leave everyone behind
>and they'd hardly even notice
>but now
>there's no denying
>there's someone who needs you
>she needs a normal childhood
>in a quiet town
>and it's not like you can just dump her off on anybody
>in the first place, that would be a big burden on whoever you left her with
>in the second place, she needs someone who's seen something of her previous life
>you never meant for it to happen
>but you're anchored to someone now
>and an anchored ship can't go underway
>there's also that stuff about Twilight actually missing you
>but you're still processing that
>Apple Fritter came with you and Razzie to the train station
>she's still sad and quiet
>but you'll work to fix that
>she'll probably never forget her mother in the mountain
>but you'll show her all that there is to look forward to as well
>Ponyville has lots of kids for her to make friends with
>and lots of well-connected ponies to help her get a good future
>Sombra is here too
>but he figured out a way to hide his face and look like an ordinary rock
>so nobody needs to know about him
>you've reached the ticket window when you realize
"Crap. I don't have any bits."
>Fritter laughs
>"You know how many bits that Peg-Horn was worth? Here, lemme pay you back for it."
>Fritter plunks number of bits on the counter
>you're given two tickets
>one for you
>one for Razzie
"Well, that's that then, huh?"
>"It sure is."
"Uh, Fritter. Thanks. Thank you. For everything."
>"Oh, golly. Is this your sappy little goodbye?"
"I guess. Sorry."
>"It's fine. C'mere."
>a yellow foreleg wraps around your waist and pulls you into a warm pony hug
>"Don't ever get it into your head that you're not needed. All right?"
"Yeah. Sure."
>"I'll see you around."
>you've already got one foot on the train when a rough, villainous voice calls out your name
>"Nonermous!"

>on the bright side, Razzie looks interested in something for once as you protectively scoop her into your arms
>on the other side, Collishaw Cueball is grinning at you
>"That's a lovely child you got there."
>he scratches his chin as if in thought for a moment
>"Funny though, she doesn't look a thing like you."
"I don't want any trouble, sheriff. I'm getting out of town right now."
>"Gettin' outta… land's sake, I only just learned you were back in town! Leavin' already, huh?"
"Yep."
>"You weren't gonna come pick up your things?"
"What do you mean?"
>"Ha, ha!"
>Cueball holds out a hoof with your saddlebag slung over it
>"I mean the stuff you left in that hotel room. After you… ahuh… disappeared, I did you the favor of keeping your belongings in a safe in my office."
>it's definitely your bag
>but…
"Sheriff, I had a whole chest full of gold and jewels."
>"Ah, well, two months is a long time to be takin' up Village of Picacholt storage space. It ain't free, you know."
"Right… Sure, sure, I'll take the bag."
>you step away from the train, and your hand grasps the bag by the strap
>but Cueball doesn't let go
>he's staring you in the eye
>"I will tell you… there's at least enough gold in there to pay for seven days in that hotel, and a train ride home after that."
"That's great."
>he's still not letting go
"Why would I stay another seven days?"
>the sheriff inhales unsteadily
>he speaks in a hiss
>"So I can stretch your hide in the sun."
>you let go of the bag
"What?"
>he throws it on the ground
>"A duel! I'm talkin' about a duel! I challenge you to a duel, an' I'll preach your name as a coward from here to Canterlot if you refuse!"
"A… duel?"
>Apple Fritter gets between you and the enraged sherrif
>"Nonermous, don't listen to him. He can't do nothing to you!"
"Y-y-y-yeah, yeah yeah yeah. I know, I know, Fritter. This just got weird, I'm leaving now."
>you're trying to get back to the train
>you really are
>but Collishaw Cueball roughly shoves Apple Fritter out of his way
>he throws himself on the ground
>he grabs your leg with his hooves
>and he looks straight up at you
>no
>not at you
>his gaze is right about…
>at your chest level
>where Razzie is sitting
>"Fuck."
>home on Earth, you used to have this line of thought about car crashes:
>all it takes is one second
>just one poor decision
>to not pay attention
>to misjudge a turn
>to pass the wrong guy
>and once that poor decision is made
>from there, a chain of events is set in motion
>and you cannot stop it
>one second, and you're just some guy going home from work
>and then two cars collide
>then you collide with the seatbelt
>then your organs collide with your ribcage
>your head is thrown out at a weird angle, you can't control it
>so the airbags come out and snap your neck
>and at the end of that second
>you're a guy who will never work again
>Collishaw Cueball is rolling on the floor
>laughing
>there's a muddy boot-print in his hat
>and he spits out a tooth
>"That'll do it… that'll do it, you big, dumb monster!"
>oh fuck
>Fritter is pushing on your legs with her head
>"Get on the train, Nonermous, get on the train right now!"
>but Cueball springs to his hooves
>"Oh, no you don't! You just assaulted an officer of the law! I'll put you under arrest right now, unless…"
"U-unless…?"
>"Unless you agree to that duel."
"Uh…"
>"Center of town, seven days, high noon. Pistols, not swords. Traditional rules, not quickdraw. My deputies'll catch you if you try to skip town before then."
>with that, Collisaw Cueball gets up
>shakes his head a bit
>and canters off
>Razzie is staring at you with wide eyes
>at least her funk seems to have worn off
>"Anon, what is a duel?"
"I only have a vague idea myself."

Part 4: Day One

>you'd figured that a good night's sleep might help you figure out what to do
>but you never got a chance to put your theory to the test
>you were all night awake
>pondering over everything
>and now everything is the same as it was
>except you're tired, too
>the logical next step, you reckon, would be to buy a gun and start practicing with it
>the problem is, Cueball wasn't lying
>you've got enough money for seven days in the hotel and a train ride home
>even if you could pick up a cheap, shitty pistol, it would put you out on the streets today
>"Anon?"
>you shake the thoughts out of your head
"Yeah?"
>Razzie kicks the floor with a lazy forehoof
>"When is breakfast?"
>your eyebrows fly off the top of your head
>sweet mother of fuck
>you've counted out enough bits for a week-long stay in the hotel
>and just enough for two train tickets to Ponyville
>after that?
>there's nothing left
>no doubt Cueball had intended to leave enough bits for a week's worth of meagre meals
>but he wouldn't have counted on you having a companion
>there's no money for food
>hang on, time for some quick math
>you might be able to do three days of shelter and three days of food?
>or maybe you could only buy food for Razzie
>then there's, like, five days of shelter
>and five days of food?
>fuck, you've never been great at math
>"Anon?"
"Uh, yeah, uh..."
>the door bangs loudly
>you take the opportunity to put off this conversation
"Ah, better get that."
>the other side of the door reveals an Apple Fritter
>she walks in without waiting to be invited
"Gee, hey Fritter, come on in, make... yourself... eh..."
>somehow, this kind of banter doesn't feel like fun now
>"Uh huh. Nonermous, you alone right now?"
>you gesture at Razzie
"Well, no."
>"Oh, right, you got a littleun now. Ah..."
>Fritter marches up to Razzie, cranes her neck down, and smiles sweetly
>"Hey, you. What's your name again?"
>Razzie looks down
>"Um, R-Raspberry Heaven."
>strange
>she was nothing but friendly with total strangers in Marenberg
>maybe that's just because things seem less scary when you're wearing the skin of a six-foot biped
>or maybe everything that's happened is still kind of overwhelming for her
>"And what's that Nonermous calls you again? Ain't it Razzie?"
>"Yes."
>Fritter drops to the... knees?... on her forelegs and smiles into Razzie's lowered eyes
>"Can I call you Razzie too?"
>Razzie blinks in thought
>"Does that mean we're friends?"
>"Well, sure. Sure it does."
>a little smile appears on Razzie's snoot even as she averts her eyes again
>"Okay."
>Fritter jumps back up into a standing position
>"All right, Razzie, you mind if I borrow Nonermous for a bit? I gotta talk with him outside for a minute."
"Huh?"
>"Okay."
>"Thank you!"
>in an instant, Fritter's head is pushed against your butt
>and you're shoved out the door

>with the door shut, Fritter eyeballs the hallway for a moment
>"All right, Nonermous. We gotta talk."
"Man, Fritter, I've got problems-"
>"That's what we need to talk about, Nonermous!"
>she shakes her head
>"You weren't gonna do this alone, were you?"
"What? Uh..."
>"Listen, I tried to send a telegraph about all this to Ponyville."
"Tried?"
>Fritter leans in close
>strains her neck trying to whisper into your ear
>"Somebody cut the line. They're saying it'll take about a week to fix it."
"Oh. That's a funny coincidence."
>"Uh-huh. We gotta come up with a way to get you outta here."
"Get out of here?"
>"Of course! You weren't gonna actually duel with Collishaw Cueball, were you?"
"Well..."
>"He's a sherrif! Have you even shot a pistol before?"
"W-well, I mean, I've always supported gun rights, I just never, uh-"
>"What?"
"No."
>"Nonermous, you gotta get outta town. Only the princess can help you sort this thing out."
"Well, I'm not sure how that's supposed to work out. I'm not allowed on the train, remember?"
>"You could... walk to Marenberg."
"Fritter, I've walked from here to Darkstar's Mountain and from Darkstar's Mountain to here. I almost died both times, and that's only halfway to Marenberg."
>Fritter groans
>"Well, there's gotta be a way to sneak you onto that train."
"Well..."
>"What?"
"No..."
>"What? If you got an idea, spit it out!"
"Well, I guess I've done it before."
>"When?"
"When I helped save the world about a year ago."
>"Oh, right, right, the, uh, Sombra thing. You were a part of that, yeah! Go on."
"It wasn't too crazy. I got all wrapped up in fabric and crawled onboard the train on my hands and knees. You know, so I looked like a really over-dressed pony."
>Fritter taps her chin with her hoof
>"That could do it..."
>you sigh
>"What?"
>"I mean, I was sneaking into danger that time. Not, you know, out of it."
>Fritter reaches up to your chest with her hoof
>"Look, Nonermous, there's a difference between risking your hide for your friends, and risking it for... what? Pride? You got that filly to think about now."
"I guess."
>Fritter looks you up and down
>"I can have a disguise sewed up for you by tomorrow."
"All right."
>Fritter begins to hurry her way out
>"I'll see you tomorrow, Nonermous."
>and then you remember something
"Wait, Fritter!"
>she stops and... glares at you?
>"What?"
"Look, I hate to ask-"
>"I noticed."
"Uh, look, I don't have enough money for a week's worth of food."
>Fritter rolls her eyes
>"What'd I just say? You're not gonna be here for a week. And if you somehow run out of bits before you get outta here, I own an apple farm."
>with that, Apple Fritter disappears around a corner
>does she seem...
>mad at you?

Part 5: Day Two

>this shit again
>on the one hand, this disguise is much cleaner than the one made by a mare whose talent had been magically sucked out or whatever
>on the other hand, you were heading to the far north that time
>so a total body-cover made sense
>but this is the desert
>what are you supposed to be?
>a pony muslim?
>walking is slower work this time as well
>you've got to be considerate of Razzie
>who is, at present, blindly crawling with you under your burqa
>Apple Fritter keeps walking on ahead of you
>she pauses while you catch up, fidgeting with her hooves awkwardly
>it takes a while
>but eventually you do reach the ticket window
>behind the ticket mare leers a scarred desperado
>"Hol' it right thar, Apple Fritter. Who's the bathrobe?"
>Fritter points at you
>"Uh, who, her? This is my good friend, uh, App...u...la..."
>the thug seems skeptical
>"Ahuh. An' how 'bout I see yer friend's face?"
>Fritter snorts
>"Sun, no! The, uh... sun, it's... bad for... her... skin."
>the desperado's eyebrow is now cocked to an impressive height
>Fritter's eyes are darting between you and the ticket window
>"She's uh... a vampire."
>you hwut lassie girl
>that's it
>you're gonna spend the rest of your life in a desert jail cell
>the evil cowboy pony's gaze widens
>"A vampire?!"
>Fritter blinks
>then blinks again
>"Y-yeah. Don't worry though, she's uh... the kind of vampire that only bites apples."
>surprisingly, you've heard that's a thing in Equestria
>"O-oh, well I, uh, didn't mean to offend your friend or anything, Apple Fritter."
>the desperado glares at the ticket mare
>"Well, get 'er a ticket!"
>Fritter flashes her sweet little smile
>"One to Ponyville, please!"
>as you trudge over to the train, you reflect on what you've just been through
>Fritter is a terrible liar
>but somehow she's saved your ass
>or at least, that's what you assume
>until a conductor pony with massive sideburns steps out of the train
>and holds a hoof up in your face
>"My apologies ma'am, the train has broken down. I'm afraid this station is going to be out of service for a few days."
>Fritter interjects
>"How many days?"
>the conductor pony waves his hoof
>"Oh, not long, ma'am. We can have your friend out of here in... say, four or five days."
>and Fritter growls in your ear
>"Another funny coincidence."

Part 6: Day Three

>you're awoken early by somebody pounding on your door
>predictably, somebody turns out to be Apple Fritter
>you figure she wants to know if you've got another plan to escape
>but...
>"Give me Sombra."
"Huh?"
>"Come on now, you know darn well if Cueball finds him in here he can lock you up."
>you spend a few seconds rubbing the sleep out of your eyes
"Uh, sure."
>you grab Sombra's crystal off of the counter
"Hey, bud. You're gonna go away with Apple Fritter for a little while, okay?"
>Sombra stares down Fritter for a moment
>"Mm. Good."
"Wow. You're that happy to get away from me, huh?"
>"Yes."
>dick
>you shake your head and hand him off to Fritter
>"Thanks Nonermous. I'll, uh, see you around."
>with that, she - almost literally - gallops off
"Wait, that's it? You showed up awful early, you know."
>without stopping, she yells over her shoulder
>"You'll be fine, Nonermous. Dismule's coming over!"
>what?
>you spend a minute or two looking out the door to see if Dismule does indeed show up
>he doesn't
>you shake your head and close the door
>and nearly trip on Razzie
>"What was that about?"
"Sombra's going away for a little while."
>"Why?"
"I, uh, don't really know. Look, it's still-"
>you look at the clock
"Man, it's still four in the morning. Let's go back to sleep for a while."

>you're woken up again by more knocking on the door
>at least the sun is all the way up this time
>you get the door
"Apple Fritter, I'm grateful for the help, but-"
>an old, magnanimous burro is cocking his head up at you
"Oh, hey Dismule."
>"Mornin', Anawn."
"Come on in, I haven't seen you since I got back."
>"Don't mind if I do."
>Dismule saunters in and drops a heavy bag on the table
>"'Smy unnerstandin', Anawn, yer in a spot o' trouble."
"Yeah... a, uh, little bit. Did Apple Fritter put you up to this?"
>Dismule snorts
>"Apple Fritter's a silly little filly. Tried to stop me. Thinks yer gonna make it outta this town afore the duel."
"Y-yeah?"
>"So yer first problem..."
>out of the big heavy bag, a smaller heavy bag plops on the table
>"Y'ain't got the bits fer a week. Wal, now ya do."
>that bag
>it's full of bits
"Dismule, this isn't from your dream-money, is it? The castle in Canterlot?"
>he snorts
>"Anawn, if a burro cain't spare some change fer his friends, he ain't a rich burro, no matter how many bits he's got."
"Dismule..."
>"Take it, it ain't hardly nothin'. I'm still far an' away the richest burro in Equestria."
"Th-thanks."
>"Yup. Now yer second problem..."
>out of the big heavy bag...
>a revolver
>"I heard ya don't know how ta shoot. I kin show ya."
"Show me?"
>"Yeh. We kin head out to the plains an' set up some bottles. I've been a wanderer 'round these parts forty years, ya won't find a better shooter than me in this whole town."
>Razzie peers out from the other side of the room
>"Are you going outside? Can I come too?"

>"Awright, first thing's first, Nonermous. Safety rules, so ya don't shoot nobody 'cept for Collishaw Cueball."
"Okay. Lay it on me."
>"Rule number one, don't never point that thing at nobody or no thing ya don't mean to shoot."
"Okay."
>"An' I mean never. No matter if it's loaded, an' no matter if it's cocked. Ya never know, an' accidents happen."
"Right. Yeah. That makes sense."
>"Rule number two, keep yer hoof - er, claw - er, ahuh, finger, offa the trigger til it's pointin' at somebody or some thing ya mean to shoot."
"All right."
>"Rule number three, don't never cock the hammer til it's pointed at somebody or some thing ya mean to shoot."
"Yeah, okay."
>"That's it."
"There's nothing about a, uh, safety?"
>"A hwat, boy?"
"Never mind."
>Dismule causes a cylinder with six holes in it to slide sideways out of the gun
>with incredible dexterity for someone so old and so finger-less, he inserts a bullet into each hole
>he sticks the cylinder back in, and looks at you
>"Awright. Make sure that littleun of yours is coverin' her ears."
>Razzie is laying on her back
>her hooves are all spread out as wide as she can get them
>like she's trying to photosynthesize or something
"Hey, Razzie, how you doing over there?"
>"I like the sky."
"Yeah?"
>"I don't ever want to live underground again."
"You won't have to. Listen, can you cover your ears for me? It's about to get loud here."
>"Yes, Anon."
>Dismule points the revolver at a bottle stood up about ten feet away
>"Awright, so ya aim... There's a little bead at the end of the gun, make sure that's coverin' the bottle."
>with some indescribable contortion of his hooves, he pulls the hammer back til it clicks into place
>"Cock..."
>and...
>"Fire!"
>a loud crack rings through the sandy plains
>in the same instant, the bottle disappears
>"Think ya kin do that?"
"Sure, sure."
>Awright."
>he hands you the gun
>"Give 'er a go."
>you pick out a bottle
>you put the bead over it
>you cock the hammer back
>and...
>CRACK
>but the bottle
>stands unharmed
>a puff of dust lazily rises up some 50 feet beyond it
>"Wal, that's awright. Yer a big fellar, try leanin' forward a little bit."

Part 7: Day Four

>"Anon."
"Huh? What's up, Razzie?"
>Razzie looks down
>"Never mind. I do not know if you are busy."
"Geez, why so shy all of the sudden? I wasn't busy, I was just thinking. What do you need?"
>she's mumbling now
>but you think you can make out what she's saying
>"I-I don't need it..."
"Well, that's fine, you don't have to need it. What do you want?"
>she trots off without a word
>but comes back with the little bag she brought from the mountain
>she sticks her face into it
>pulls something out
>and drops it
>it's a ball
"What? You wanna play?
>she starts bouncing up and down at the question
>"Yes!"
"Yeah, sure. Wanna go outside?
>"Outside?"
"You know, under the sky?"
>"Oh, can we?"
"With no mad scientists or killer robots to stop us? Can we ever."
>with that careless statement, Razzie's sudden animation stops
>oh, right
>because that mad scientist was basically Razzie's mother
>and she died like a week ago
>the sight of sad little filly prompts you to sudden action
"Oh, no no no, uh..."
>you grab the ball and shake it in front of her face
>hopefully she doesn't know much about dogs
"Hey, hey, you still wanna go outside?"
>"In here is fine..."
>ah shit
>you slip from your chair to the floor
>set the ball down in front of you
>and roll it toward her
>she kicks back at you with a forehoof
>it seems like a good sign
>so you roll it back at her
>and she sends it right back
>the same lazy ball-game you used to play with her in the mountain
>this goes on in silence for a few minutes
>and then
>"Anon?"
"Yeah?"
>"Do you think my mother loved me?"
>boom
>wham
>thwack
>there it is:
>the sort of blunt weapon only a child could hit you with
"Well, y-"
>you're cut off
>not so much by any sound
>but a sight
>Razzie is glaring at you
>"Be. Honest."
"Geez, Razzie. That's kind of a tough question..."
>you sigh
"Didn't we already talk about this back in the mountain? Just before we left?"
>"I was crying my eyes out, and you were hurt. I want to talk about it again."
"What for?"
>she shuffles her hooves uncomfortably
>"I want to make sure. To make sure I understand."
"It'll be kind of hard for me to answer that, Razzie. I didn't know her that well."
>"You're the only one who knew her at all, besides me."
>the heart-shaped locket of the mad scientist Phylum Strata weighs heavy in your pocket
>you're not the only one...
>you should really find a way to tell Razzie about her sister
>soon
>but not right now
>"Anon?"
"Well, my honest opinion is a little complicated. Are you all right with that?"
>"Yes. She'd want me to face the facts, head on."
>well
>unfortunately, there's no way to tell her the truth without being blunt
>no way to keep the truth from hurting her, once she knows it
>if she wants it so bad...
>well, let's just get the band-aid ripped off quickly
"She told me, more or less, that she didn't."
>the ball rolls into Razzie's hoof
>and stops there
"She told me that she was only pretending to, for your health."
>Razzie just doesn't kick the ball back at you
"She told me that she didn't feel any emotion, ever. She wanted to be completely cold and unfeeling at all times, and, if she didn't kill you for an experiment, wanted the same for you someday."
>Razzie's head tilts forward to a point where her mane falls over her eyes
"I don't think she was being completely honest with me. I don't think she was being completely honest with herself."
>"How could she be dishonest with herself? How could anyone?"
"Well, in the same way as you can not know what you want. Everyone's complicated."
>"Too complicated."
"Yeah. You already know that she'd decided to kill you just before the end."
>"Yes."
"She was dying of old age, and she thought, no, she knew there was a way she could live longer using your body."
"She'd been planning it for a while. She forced me to practice this process on others."
>Razzie gasps
>"You killed ponies?"
>not exactly, but...
>the sight of that old stallion's body sobbing like a little filly...
"I might as well have."
>"But... my mother forced you to, right?"
"Yeah."
>"Then... she would have forced you to..."
"Yeah. She wanted me to do the procedure on you."
>"And you killed her for it."
"Not exactly. I chased her to the lava pit, but she jumped in all on her own."
>"But why?"
"Because she hadn't been honest with herself til then. She thought it was justice."
>you take a second to take a deep breath
>but Razzie gets in your face
>"T-tell me more! I need to know everything!"
>your mouth cracks into a smile that you can't feel in your eyes
"Remember the day you played checkers with her?"
>"Yes."
"Right after that, she started looking for ways to live longer that would let you live."
"She told me that she felt something that day. She felt real affection for you that day. And it scared her. She tried to get rid of it."
"But even though it scared her, it got her to look for a way that you could both live, together."
>"But she failed, didn't she?"
"Yeah. She did. And shortly after that, she doubled down on being cold and unfeeling, and, well, you remember waking up in my body."
>there
>now she knows the whole, fucked-up affair
>the kind of thing you had always assumed was emphatically impossible in Equestria
>you'd wanted to wait til she was older to tell her
>but you know what?
>talking about it feels good
>and now you've finally got a simple answer for Razzie's original question
"Yes. She loved you. But she didn't realize it til too late."
>"Because she wouldn't face the facts."
"You could put it that way."
>Razzie pokes at the ball a bit
>"I don't want to make the same mistake. I want to look at the world for what it really is, just like she taught me to."
>now she's rolling it under her hoof
>"I want to move forward with my mother in my mind."
>then she kicks it toward you
>"But in my heart, too."

Part 8: Day Five

>"Awright, Anawn. He said traditional rules, right?"
>the bead of the revolver bounces around the bottle
"Yeah."
>"Not quickdraw?"
>your shoulders are starting to hurt from holding the pistol out for so long
"No."
>"That's good. Means you can take yer time aimin'."
>finally the bead starts to settle on the neck of the bottle
>"Take all day if ya like. When it's yore turn ta shoot, there ain't no pressure at all. 'Member to breathe, now."
>no pressure at all
>except if you miss then it's Cueball's turn
>and he won't miss
>thunder cracks in your hands
>a puff of dust rises beyond the bottle
>the bottle itself is unharmed
>"That's awright now, that's awright. Jes' try it again."
>it doesn't take long to get the bead centered on the neck of the bottle again
>your last shoulder day with Dash was months ago
>but you'll hold that pistol out like your life depends on it
>because it does
>"Git yer legs a little bit further apart."
>a slight shake you hadn't noticed is excorcised from the bead
>"An' try leanin' forward more."
>the bead slides down a bit on the bottle
>your finger makes for the trigger
>"Anawn, ya know why I got that bottle on the ground, don'tcha?"
>your finger goes straight again
>"It's ta get ya used ta aimin' low."
>the bead slides down a little further
>"Real low, lower than ya want."
>it's sitting at about the middle of the bottle
>"Big fellar like you, ain't never shot a revolver before, you'll shoot high every time."
>you let the bead hover around three quarters of the way down the bottle
>"I'm tellin' ya, ya aim low on Cueball's chest, you'll gettem. Ya try aimin' at his head, you'll shoot high."
>all right
>you stick the bead right on the bottom rim of the bottle
>the gun cracks out
>the bottle is lost in a puff of yellow sand
>and when the dust settles...
>it's still standing
>Dismule clears his throat
>"Eh, mebbe not that low. Yer closest shot yet, though."
>you let the pistol aim at the ground
>take one hand off of it
>and wipe the sweat off your brow
>"That's awright now. Try it again, I think you'll get it this time."
>placing both hands on the pistol once more, you put the bead back on the bottle
>without rear sights, it takes a bit for you to be confident that it's lined up with your eye correctly
>the bead is sitting right on that lower rim again
>in teeny little increments, it inches its way up
>when it looks like the barrel is covering the bottom rim of the bottle
>that's when thunder peals out again
>and at last
>the bottle explodes into a million little pieces

Part 9: Day Six

>you actually managed to hit most of the bottles today
>but that duel is tomorrow
>it's, maybe, 10 at night right now?
>sleeping isn't easy when you're probably gonna get shot tomorrow
>it'd be nice to talk to someone about it
>ever since you got the bright idea to tell Razzie everything you knew about her mother, she's been...
>pensive?
>not sad anymore, at least there's that
>she's just
>thoughtful
>the point is, she's processing her own problems right now
>also she's like ten
>and she's asleep
>fuck
>you haven't made any arrangements for what should happen to her if you...
>shit
>that's about an extra three thousand pounds of weight on your shoulders
>you get dressed
>and step outside
>the little desert town is deathly quiet in the dark
>the perfectly cloudless night affords you a brilliant starlight that's more than bright enough to see by
"I'm giving you a nightcall..."
>no
>stop that
>you find yourself making your way through town
>heading toward the apple farm
>you've got a mind to see that grove again
>the one Jonagold had you working in when you first showed up
>the big apple orchard is almost like a small forest, sitting there on the river
>it's certainly an impressive piece of work
>hopefully nobody minds you taking a walk through it
>it's not like you're here to steal the damn apples
>you just need to think
"... to tell you how I feel..."
>motherfucker I said stop

>as you approach the grove, you realize that even the river is flowing silently in the cool darkness of the desert night
>the only sound you'd expect to hear would be the quiet rustling of the ground under your boots
>so what are those voices you're hearing?
>"Look, all I'm saying is you gotta let the man fight his own battle."
>Jonagold
>you hug the dark side of a big apple tree
>"It ain't his battle though. It's ours, and I dragged him into it. I-I-I manipulated him!"
>Apple Fritter
>it's taking your eyes a few minutes for your eyes to adjust to the increased darkness
>"What? Apple Fritter, no. You made friends with him. From what I gather, Nonermous was hurting, and you reached out to him. You did a good thing."
>ah
>in case there was any doubt, they're definitely talking about you
>Apple Fritter sniffs
>"I was always hanging off him to keep Piebald away. That's what got Cueball after him."
>"Fritter, I got the impression you really liked the fella. You sayin' that was all fake?"
>Apple Fritter makes some kind of whining noise
>as you begin to make out her form, you see her kick at the dirt
>"No."
>"Well all right then. You're not so bad. You been acting funny since you read Pa's journal, you just-"
>"There was a telegram. I hid it from you, Jonny. It was from Applejack, asking us to be on the lookout for Nonermous, and to send him back to Ponyville. We got it a little before Nonermous left."
>"Fritter..."
>"If I'd told him to go home, he wouldn't have gotten carried off to some mountain, and he wouldn't have this duel tomorrow."
>Jonagold spends a minute considering this
>"But the princess wouldn't have come, and maybe we wouldn't still own the farm."
>"Is that worth it?"
>Jonagold sighs
>"All right, let's say this is all your fault. It's not like you coulda known-"
>"That's not the point, Jonagold! Even if it wasn't my fault, we're still his friends, ain't we? We've got to stop this duel from happening!"
>huh
>well if that's the way Fritter feels, it's no wonder she's been acting so strangely
>shit, if she read that journal she probably blames herself for her father's disappearance too
>because he wrote he was seeking the Horn for Fritter
>as if that makes it her fault
>it's the same with you
>she'd told you about the problems she was having
>you'd wanted to help
>hell, this whole mess feels like your own damn fault to you
>if you'd taken a second to stop playing cowboy and actually think...
>if you'd gone home when that telegram came...
>told Twilight about everything going on down here...
>but then, what would have happened to Razzie?
>no, everything turned out for the best
>if you come off the worse for it
>but everyone else comes off the better
>that's a good thing
>isn't it?
>you'll have to tell Fritter something along those lines before the duel tomorrow
>a third voice clears his throat
>in the dim light, you can make out Dismule
>"Anawn's gotta chance in that duel tomorra, Apple Fritter. You shouldn't try to stop it, you'll only hurt his pride."
>"That's true, Fritter. You shouldn't take the man's pride like that."
>Fritter scoffs
>"Pride! You colts... he's takin' a chance more than he's got as chance! You're talking about lettin' our friend throw away his life for pride? Wh-what about that filly he's picked up? Does she gotta hurt for pride too?"
>"Anawn can hit Cueball if he's got time to aim, an' in a traditional duel, he'll have time."
>"That's assumin' Cueball doesn't try nothing funny. It's also assuming Nonermous wins the coin toss. He's got a 50/50 shot at best."
>Dismule procures something in his hoof that you can't quite see, and chuckles
>"Oh, I'd say he's got better'n that, missy. I'm the boy's second. I kin flip this hyar trick coin tomorra. Anawn'll be none the wiser, an' Picacholt'll be in for a new sherrif."
>Fritter sighs
>"Sombra."
>a shape you'd assumed to be a rock takes on a white glow
>the unmistakable growl of Sombra rumbles through the grove
>damn, even he's here
>"Mister Sombra, you said you can't hurt anyone, right?"
>Sombra rumbles for a bit
>"No hurt ponies."
>Jonagold cringes
>"C'mon Fritter, don't make a deal with that thing."
>"He's a he, and I'm just asking some questions."
>Fritter gets up close to Sombra
>"Now, Mister Sombra, you say you can't hurt ponies, but..."
>she taps her chin with her hoof for a moment
>"Can you let ponies get hurt?"
>"Ponies get hurt all the time."
>did Sombra just speak a complete sentence?
>you knew getting him out of that dungeon would do him some good
>"Yeah, I know that. What I mean is, if you're right there, watchin' someone about to get hurt, and you could maybe do something about it. Are you able to sit there and do nothing, or do you have to do something?"
>Sombra doesn't grumble
>instead, he thinks in silence
>"Don't know."
>"Well, what do you think would happen?"
>"Don't know."
>"No guesses?"
>Sombra's silence implies that he has no guesses
>Fritter sighs
>"All right, look. If you saw Anon about to get hurt, would you stop it? Even if you didn't have to?"
>Sombra's growling takes on a deeper, more guttural note
>"Don't know..."
>Fritter turns tail on Sombra's crystal
>"Fine, be that way. He's your friend too, you know."
>Sombra doesn't reply
>but in his crystal
>you see a big, green eyeball
>it seems to be staring straight at you
>does he see you?
>you know he can see just fine in the dark
>and he can detect bad feelings
>and...
>you didn't realize it til just now
>but you're feeling pretty pissed

>Jonagold shakes his head
>"Look, Apple Fritter, I don't know about stoppin' the duel, but I do know we gotta be there to see it. I'm goin' to bed now. You can come home with me or you can stay here plotting."
>Jonagold makes his way out of the grove, heading in the direction of the farmhouse
>Dismule yawns
>"Yup, I'd better hit the hay too. I'm Anawn's second after all. Don't worry so much, little missy. I seen lots of folks get through tough sitiations in the West, an' I think Anawn'll be one of 'em."
>he canters off after Jonagold
>Apple Fritter hangs her head
>"Nonermous is in danger. Why doesn't anyone wanna help?"
"Maybe I'm a big boy, Fritter. Maybe I can take care of myself."
>Apple Fritter falls on her ass
>"N-Nonermous! How long have you been there?"
"Long enough."
>you stride into the starlight, where she can see you
"Fritter, why? Why all this plotting behind my back? If you've got a problem with me, why not just come to me about it?"
>she stamps her hoof at the question
>"Because you're gonna get shot at tomorrow, Nonermous! You're gonna get shot at and you don't even care!"
>she marches right up to you
>close enough that you can make out the scowl on her face
>"You haven't tried to get outta town once since that time I tried to help you! You-you..."
>she pulls back a forehoof and punches you in the hip with it
>"Stupid!"
>punch
>"Selfish!"
>punch
>"Lazy!"
>punch
>"Bastard!"
>before you know what's going on, her face is buried in your belly
>and
>somehow
>your shirt is wet now
>"You think you can just show up my life, make a complete  ass of yourself, and then take a train outta here... probably without even sayin' goodbye! Just like you did to Princess Twilight!"
"Fritter? What are you talking about?"
>"It's real easy to go through life pretendin' like nobody cares about you, ain't it? You can just up and leave whenever you like, or get shot, and nobody cares, right?"
>a single sob is fired into your abdomen
>"But I care about you. And Jonagold cares about you. And Dismule cares about you. And that little child you took in, she needs you!"
>one sob becomes two
>"And... and you got a princess who loves you! And all of her friends care about you too."
>your fingers find their way into Fritter's mane
>you appreciate the warm, soft sensation for a moment
>but you can't bear it for any longer than that
"You're just like her."
>"Who?"
"Your cousin. Applejack."
>you push Fritter's head off of you
>and step back
"The way you want to get involved in my problems, but you can't let my own damn problems be about me."
>you grimace
"It always comes back to Princess Twilight Sparkle, doesn't it?"
>your head is feeling a bit light
"I can't go where I want because it'd make her feel bad, I can't pick fights when I want because it'd make her look bad, I can't die how I damn well want because... because-"
>"Die?! Nonermous, no!"
>Apple Fritter assaults your belly with her tear-soaked muzzle once again
>"I'm your friend, Nonermous... I own a magic rock that can do anything I want, because you brought it to me. You think I'd let you... die from a gunshot wound?"
"It's not- nevermind, I can tell Twilight didn't tell you as much as you think she did. And if you're not gonna let me die, why the hell do you care about the duel anyway?"
>"What if I can't save you, even with the Peg-Horn?"
>she nuzzles into you as deeply as your abs allow her to
>"And what if... what if you win?"

Part 10: The Duel

>the little clock tower in the center of town strikes twelve
>with every deep knell of the bell, the midday desert sun grows more and more oppressive
>a pair of wooden railings have been set up as barriers, about ten feet apart
>Collishaw Cueball isn't here yet
>the sound of a train whistle pulls your gaze to the station
>sure enough, there's a little passenger train pulling in right now
>looks like they got it fixed, after all
>Apple Fritter tugs on your pant leg
>wait
>when did she get here?
>"Now's your chance, Nonermous. We can get you on that train right now. You don't have to do this."
>your mouth speaks before your brain can process what she's saying
>and what it says surprises you
"No."
>"What? Why?"
>your brow furrows
"I've... got my reasons."
>"Wha- well, you've got your reasons! Would you mind tellin' me what reason you could possibly have to stick around and get shot?"
>that's a good question
>but there's a
>pressure
>in the back of your neck
>and it's urging you to stay
>a heavy breath escapes your nostrils
"I guess... I'm afraid to."
>"Afraid to go? How's that more scary than getting shot?"
"No. I mean I'm afraid to tell you my reasons. It's like... if I put them into words, I might lose them."
>Apple Fritter's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates
>even as her pupils shrink to the size of pinpricks
>"What are you talking about? You need to go! Who's gonna take care of that little Raspberry Heaven of yours if... if worst comes to worst?"
>a crowd is forming along the side of the road
>they're eyeing you
>uncertainly
>like they don't quite want to root for a big monster they barely know
>but they also don't want to root against someone who might shoot Collishaw Cueball
>but there's one face in the crowd who sticks out
>there's something in Razzie's eyes, as they meet yours
>you've never seen it before
>not directed at you, anyway
>it's something like...
>admiration?
>trust?
>excitement?
>whatever it is, it gives you your answer
"I'll take care of her. No matter what."
>Fritter snorts her anxiety
>and then hisses
>"And what if you... what if you kill Collishaw Cueball? What if you change? What you get... hard?"
"You brought this up last night, Fritter. I hate to break it to you, but I've already changed. A lot. Looking back on these past few years... or even just these past few months... Even if it hurts, what's a little bit more change?"
>Fritter shakes her head vigorously
>"Killin's different, Nonermous! I seen it!"
"Well, I'll just have to try not to kill him then. I'll try my best, I promise."
>Fritter doesn't answer with words
>but in the hot, dry air
>she shivers
"Here comes Cueball now. Get off to the side, Fritter, you'll be safer there."

>Collishaw Cueball is cantering in from the direction of the station
>"Sorry I'm late, now. Just had to grab my second."
>his second?
>that mare with him?
>no way
>Dismule voices his disbelief before you can
>"How'd a crooked snake like you git Truth Virey fer a second?"
>Truth glares at him over her sunglasses
>"Easy, burro. A duel with a lawpony's serious business. I just wanna keep things legal."
>Cueball laughs
>"Think of Truth Virey as a promise: no tricks. When all this is said and done, I don't want nobody thinkin' it was nothin' but fair and square."
>well
>it makes sense
>Marenberg's sherif is the mare with the letter of the law for a cutie mark
>if there's anyone who could keep everyone honest, it's her
>ah, wait
>she's glaring at you now
>is this about the time you introduced yourself to her with a fake name?
>hopefully she's too much a stickler for the rules to act on a grudge
>Cueball takes his position at the barrier opposite yours and begins waving his hoof
>"Seconds, let's lay out the rules and get this show on the road."
>traditional rules for an Equestrian pistol duel are as follows:
>the duel begins with a coin toss to decide who shoots first
>as opposed to quickdraw rules, wherein the seconds shout go and both parties just shoot
>traditional rules take skill out of the equation, with the obvious exception of aim
>the idea behind this is to let fate decide which party is in the right
>Cueball snickers
>"'Course, it's also the only kinda duel poor Nonermous here would have a chance in."
>Dismule objects to this, in his usual eloquent way
>"Would you keep yer trap shut, Cueball?"
>the first party to shoot will begin ten paces behind the barrier
>upon receiving the signal to go, the party may advance as far as he likes, so long as he doesn't pass the barrier
>then, he shoots
>Virey eyeballs you
>"There ain't really a set amount of time you gotta shoot in, but it's rude to keep your partner detained for too long."
>if the second party is in any condition to shoot, he does the same thing the first party did
>after this, the duel usually ends
>but Cueball interjects
>"I'd like to propose a few extra terms."
>Virey nods
>"As the challenger, that's your right."
>Dismule cocks his eyebrow
>"Only if Anawn accepts though."
"It's fine, I'll hear it out."
>the extra terms laid out by Cueball are as follows:
>if the first encounter passes without effect, there will be a second encounter
>and if that also passes without effect, a third
>Dismules eyes are bulging out of their wrinkled sockets
>"Why, that's savage! Fourth shot's outta the question!"
>Truth Virey is eyeing Cueball nervously
>"Of course. No fourth encounter. But if Mr. Nonermous accepts-"
"I accept."
>Truth Virey coughs
>"Well in that case, it's customary for the parties to have a chance to reconcile. Would either party like to extend any kind of apology now, and cancel the duel?"
>does Collishaw Cueball seem a just little too lighthearted to anyone else here?
>"Nope!"
"No."
>Dismule steps forward
>"Wal then, let's flip the coin now. Sherif Virey, if you don't mind me havin' the honor?"
>"Very well."
>Dismule procures a coin
>"Heads Anawn shoots first, tails an' Cueball does. Sound fair?"
"Hang on! I'd prefer tails."
>Dismule sputters
>you're guessing his trick coin was designed to land on heads
>hey, if Collishaw Cueball of all ponies won't cheat, then neither will you
"That is, if it's acceptable to everyone involved."
>when Cueball and Virey both voice their assent, Dismule has no choice
>the poor old burro lets out a sigh
>"Awright. Heads fer Collishaw Cueball, tails fer Anawnermus Faggot."
>the coin is tossed
>heads

>all right
>now that there's actually a gun pointed at you, maybe you should have just let Dusmule flip the trick coin
>oh, shit
>yeah, that is some fairly intense panic you're feeling
>is it showing on your face?
>you're pretty sure it's showing on your face
>the smile on Cueball's face
>it's not so much a smirk, like you'd expect from a bad guy in a situation like this
>he looks
>at peace?
>without warning, the sound of the hammer cocking back hits you like a slap in the face
>when you open your eyes
>oh, hey, you cringed and glued your eyes shut
>when you open your eyes
>yep, there's that amused little grin you were expecting
>CRACK
>when you open your eyes
>oh yeah, you flinched so hard you fell back on your ass
>upon a brief patdown of your torso, you're amazed to find that you have not, in fact, been shot
>a puff of dust rises from the ground directly in front of Cueballs barrier
>what the hell?
>you get up, slowly
"Did you just shoot at the ground?"
>you appeal to the seconds
"Can he do that?"
>Cueball snorts
>"What? Miss? Most folks would be happier about that."
"But you missed on purpose!"
>"Just don't feel like killin' anyone today. You're welcome."
"What the hell are you playing at?"
>Truth Virey snaps at you
>"Collishaw Cueball's well within his rights to shoot how he likes. Are you gonna take your shot or not?"
>Dismule paws at the ground thoughtfully
>"The boy's gotta point. Ya cain't have a duel if Cueball's just gonna shoot at the ground every time."
>Cueball rears in impatience
>"Ain't no rule sayin' so! Besides, you don't know how I'll shoot next, so-"
>CRACK
>while Cueball was defending himself, you advanced to the barrier
>and put your bead on his hoof
>the crooked sherif jumps back from the puff of dust that's now rising maybe an inch from where he was standing
>"You're a real sneaky monster, you know that?"
>shit, man
>"An' weren't you just complainin' about me shootin' the ground? Boy, you ain't got the aim to clip me on the hoof."
>as he's speaking, Cueball casually waves his gun in the air
>so casually, in fact, that it's not til several seconds after the CRACK that you realize he's shot into the air
"He's doing it again!"
>a whispered, collective giggle arises from the crowd
"Oh, come on!"
>"Would you kindly take your second shot, Mr. Nonermous?"
>he sounds like he's patiently explaining something
>to an upset child
>shit damnit
>as you back up to the ten foot mark, your head whips around, looking for familiar faces
>Razzie waves eagerly at you when your eyes meet hers
>Jonagold takes care to keep your eyes from meeting his
>Apple Fritter is nowhere to be seen
>and Dismule, of course, is your second
>wow
>there's literally nobody else in this whole town who you know at all
>it's just like Ponyville
>but with two less familiar faces
>or three, since Apple Fritter seems to be boycotting the duel
>you aim your gun in the general direction of Cueball's foreleg
>because even though she's not here
>you did promise Apple Fritter you wouldn't shoot to kill
>because even after everything that's happened
>the idea of taking a life feels sickening when the power to actually do it is in your hands
>you advance to the barrier
>once there, you steady the bead around your adversary's knee
>Cueball notices
>"Aimin' real low there, pard."
>CRACK
>the slightest whiff of smoke flies from a lamppost in the distance
>another miss
>you make a point of backing up to the ten foot mark before the sherif can surprise you again
>before taking his final shot, Collishaw Cueball breaks into a huge, toothy grin
>and then
>he fucking turns around
>does a
> motherfucking
>180
>and shoots at the ground from there
>this is too much
"This is bullshit! You're the one who wanted this duel! I've been stuck here for a week over this!"
>you're stamping your foot now
>Cueball is just grinning and nodding
"You-you flung yourself at my feet to make this happen! You!"
>his hoof flies to his heart in mock scandal
>"What a bizarre accusation, Mr. Nonermous. I did no such thing."
>you make a sound like a roar
>and the crowd laughs
"You-you made like..."
>you have to pause
>you can't seem to get enough breath
>even as he's grinning, Collishaw Cueball's brow furrows
>"Like what?"
"Like..."
>your adversary is roaring at you now
>"Tell me! What did I make like, Nonermous?"
>your teeth grit
>Truth Virey tries to intervene
>"This ain't gentlecoltly conduct, either of you! Take your last shot an' be done with it!"
>you're gripping the gun so tightly that it hurts
"You made like I'd insulted you."
>you'll spend a lot of time reflecting on this moment in the future
>and eventually you'll conclude...
>this was exactly what he'd wanted to hear
>"Insulted me?"
>the crooked sherif's grin splits open like a zit
>"Nonermous Faggot, you could ''never'' insult me."
>you don't bother advancing to the barrier
>you aim your revolver straight for Collishaw Cueball's black heart
>CRACK

>for a moment, the smug grin is wiped off of Cueball's face
>a spider-web of cracks sits in a wall of glowing crystal
>the hole from which the cracks extend is proof that your aim was true
>and that your heart was murderous
>but Collishshaw Cueball stands unharmed behind the wall
>and now that the moment of shock has worn off
>he's laughing
>the face of Sombra looms large within the crystal wall
>and when you see him
>the gun falls from your hand
>his eyes are full to the brim
>with an unutterable...
>sadness?
>you don't have time to tell for sure
>Apple Fritter appears before the barrier
>her eyes glistening with angry tears
>her mane swept aloft by a magical breeze
>the Peg-Horn of Darkstar in her mouth
>she swishes the artifact once
>the sand beneath your feet is no more
>and when the desert starts sliding by you
>that's when you realize
>Apple Fritter just teleported you onboard the first train out of Picacholt

One Last Post: You Sure Can

>well shit
>eventually, your heartbeat becomes a little less like a jackhammer
>you wipe the sweat off your brow
>and take a seat in the empty train car
>wait
>empty?
>"Hello, Anon!"
>Razzie greets you from the seat next to yours
"Hey, you. Were you waiting for me here?"
>"Um, Miss Apple Fritter told me I was going to stay with her, but then I told her I would be sad if you left, and then I was here."
>you take your hand and rub it on her head
>the filly lets out a sigh and presses into the headpat
>it's as therapeutic for you as it is for her
"Well it's a good thing you're here. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next. Can you help me figure it out?"
>"I'll help you, Anon."
"Well, I've got a house up in Ponyville. I could go back there and you could stay with me."
>you can tell Razzie is paying attention
>but you're not really sparking her interest
"You'd go to school, make friends, get your cutie mark, get a boyfriend-"
>"A what?"
"Never you mind that. We'll talk about it in thirty years or so.
>you quiet the inquisitive filly with another headpat before she can ask any more questions
"The point is, we'd have normal lives there. I was friends with the princess up there, too, so that's... I dunno, something."
>was
>why did you say "was"?
>Razzie cocks her head
>"That sounds interesting."
"Yeah? Well that was option one. This is option two."
>you take the heart-shaped locket out of your pocket
>open it
>and hand it to Raspberry Heaven
>now this has her interested
>"Who is she?"
"Your big sister. Your mother gave me that, before she... you know."
>"My big sister? Like those bones on the mountain?"
"No! No. I hope not, anyway. No. She's a normal big sister, as in, a normal pony, who isn't a pile of bones."
>"How do you know?"
"I think I met her, a little over a year ago. She seemed mostly normal to me. Had all her skin, at least."
>Razzie looks at the locket
>then at you
>then back at the locket
>"So, option two is... I stay with my sister?"
"Well, that's just the thing. I don't know where she is now. So option two is we keep on wandering, and maybe we find her."
>Razzie spends a few minutes bombarding you with questions about Amber Ember
>"Is she nice?"
>"Will she like me?"
>stuff like that
>thankfully, the sight of Amber playing with those foals in the hospital makes up like 80% of your impression of her
>so you can honestly give Razzie all positive answers
>and the more you tell her
>the more she smiles
>at last, she arrives at her decision
>"I think I want option two."
>your fingers work their way behind Razzie's ear
"Are you absolutely sure about that? This wandering life is hard, you know. It's real easy to get hurt out here."
>the thoughtful little filly considers this for a moment
>but only a moment
>"But you can get hurt at home, too."
>the words make your neck prickle
>Twilight Sparkle is whispering in your ear again:
>"It didn't really mean anything."
"That's true, Razzie."
>you shoo the imaginary Twilight off of your shoulder
"You sure can."