Heavy Trip (2018)

1
00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:30,751
Homo!
Are you a boy or a girl?

2
00:00:32,209 --> 00:00:34,292
Get a haircut!

3
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,001
<i>You know the feeling</i> -

4
00:00:38,084 --> 00:00:41,042
<i>when you don't come up
with anything smart to say?</i>

5
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,417
Weirdo homo.
- Yeah!

6
00:00:47,876 --> 00:00:49,834
<i>It happens to me a lot.</i>

7
00:00:55,209 --> 00:00:58,584
<i>"Dickheads."
That's what I should've said.</i>

8
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:29,001
LOTVONEN SLAUGHTERHOUSE

9
00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:39,001
<i>I'm a metalhead.
And we have a band.</i>

10
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,876
<i>That's Lotvonen.</i>

11
00:02:03,042 --> 00:02:05,334
<i>He's insanely fast.
As a guitar player.</i>

12
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,292
<i>His parents own
this reindeer slaughterhouse.</i>

13
00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:10,209
<i>He also works here.</i>

14
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:18,209
<i>Pasi is the smartest guy I know.</i>

15
00:02:19,459 --> 00:02:23,084
<i>He might not be totally normal;
he remembers everything.</i>

16
00:02:23,334 --> 00:02:27,001
<i>Like, every song he's ever heard.
- Hi.</i>

17
00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:30,292
<i>Pasi works in the library.
- You have Justin Bieber?</i>

18
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:34,542
<i>We have Scandinavia's biggest
metal record collection in town.</i>

19
00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:37,001
Excellent choice.

20
00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:40,626
Uruguayan grindcore metal.

21
00:02:51,251 --> 00:02:53,542
<i>Listen to that blast beat.</i>

22
00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,251
<i>That's one hell of a beat.</i>

23
00:02:57,542 --> 00:02:59,834
<i>Jynkky is the toughest guy
in our band.</i>

24
00:03:00,042 --> 00:03:01,876
<i>He's not afraid of anything.</i>

25
00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:12,001
What? Did he die again?

26
00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:20,251
Dilated pupils are a sign of
the brain not getting enough oxygen.

27
00:03:20,376 --> 00:03:22,501
Jynkky!

28
00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:30,626
All right.
- Yeah. Let's continue.

29
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,376
<i>Jynkky dives into things headfirst.</i>

30
00:03:38,584 --> 00:03:41,167
<i>That's why he's been
declared dead twice.</i>

31
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:46,167
<i>He's so eager to gig abroad.</i>

32
00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:49,126
<i>I'm not so sure about performing.</i>

33
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:01,876
<i>We've known each other
since we were kids.</i>

34
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:05,001
<i>I guess we were all
some kind of outcasts.</i>

35
00:04:05,376 --> 00:04:07,292
<i>This music is our thing.</i>

36
00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:11,167
<i>Other guys can play hockey
and drive around chasing pussy.</i>

37
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,251
<i>We play metal.</i>

38
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:35,084
Dinner's ready. You coming to eat?
- Hell yeah.

39
00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,084
We're done rehearsing.

40
00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:45,001
Why do we always have reindeer?

41
00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:48,167
I'll eat yours.

42
00:04:49,751 --> 00:04:54,251
Your playing makes the reindeer
want to kill themselves.

43
00:04:54,376 --> 00:04:57,917
Soon I'll be out of work.
- Not funny.

44
00:04:59,251 --> 00:05:03,584
Boys, the meaning of life
is like a clitoris.

45
00:05:03,709 --> 00:05:06,334
You move around it,
but you can never be sure -

46
00:05:06,459 --> 00:05:09,417
you've found it.
- You haven't.

47
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,084
I've tried.
- Quiet. Not in front of the boys.

48
00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:17,417
That was good practice!
- That's right.

49
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,834
We're getting there.
- The sound was perfect.

50
00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:25,376
It would be awesome
to play that cover at a real gig.

51
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,542
If we played that,
people would be floored.

52
00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:33,709
There's a club in Oulu
where they have new bands.

53
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,751
Seriously?
- Yeah. What do you say?

54
00:05:36,917 --> 00:05:39,417
I mean, we've been practicing
12 years.

55
00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:42,001
That would be damn cool.

56
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:47,751
No gigs before we've written
our own songs.

57
00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:55,001
We're not playing covers.
- Yeah, we need to write songs.

58
00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:59,876
I wonder what it would be like
to be onstage playing.

59
00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:15,334
Morning!
- Morning!

60
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:52,917
I'm happy you provide the residents
with entertainment.

61
00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:56,667
Kolehmainen in Room 9 shit
his pants again.

62
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,626
Again?
- Again.

63
00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:02,417
Hurry up
before I throw my panties at you.

64
00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:13,542
Better to shit yourself than to be
forever constipated. - Right.

65
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,042
It's his birthday today, -

66
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:18,876
so please go get flowers
when you have time.

67
00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:27,167
Thank you.
- You're welcome.

68
00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,792
Hi, Turo.
- Good morning.

69
00:07:31,042 --> 00:07:34,876
You came to buy flowers?
- Yeah.

70
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,834
Come on in.

71
00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:43,792
I need some kind of a bouquet.

72
00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:47,001
One of our residents
has a birthday today.

73
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:52,001
How about some roses and
a gerbera? - Sounds good.

74
00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:56,292
How about a blue one like this?
That would be unique. - Sure.

75
00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,459
Here we go.

76
00:07:59,584 --> 00:08:02,834
How's the band?
- We're doing okay.

77
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:09,167
Any gigs coming up?
- We haven't got any yet.

78
00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:13,417
I remember you dreaming about
being in a band already in school.

79
00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:17,334
And you always performed
in school plays.

80
00:08:17,626 --> 00:08:23,626
I played a rock because I was
so shy. - That's rock 'n' roll.

81
00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:31,501
Miia!

82
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:35,084
Miia. You...
- Oh, hi, Jouni.

83
00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:42,667
You look like an angel today.
- Jouni Tulkku himself.

84
00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:45,417
What brings the entertainer
to our shop?

85
00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:48,626
You know why I'm here.
You wanna go for a drive?

86
00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:53,084
I'm going to Kuusamo;
we could have dinner there.

87
00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:57,167
That would be nice,
but I'm busy here.

88
00:08:58,126 --> 00:08:59,792
Here you are, Turo.
- Thanks.

89
00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:04,251
Let me tie these.
That'll be 20 euros.

90
00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:07,334
Oh, Turo. I didn't notice you.

91
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:13,334
Miia captures my attention totally.
- Right.

92
00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:17,834
Jouni, you remember
Turo also has a band?

93
00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:19,751
Oh. Really?

94
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:24,834
That's nice. I mean,
it's nice to meet a fellow musician.

95
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:28,542
If I can do anything to help you
in the music business, -

96
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,542
<i>just ask.
No questions asked.</i>

97
00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:35,917
Really?
- Anytime.

98
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:39,417
I gotta go. See you later.

99
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:42,917
Stay wonderful.
- Right.

100
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,417
Bye!

101
00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,417
I gotta go, too.
- Okay.

102
00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:58,834
Come back soon!

103
00:10:06,542 --> 00:10:09,001
We have a heavy metal band.

104
00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:17,126
We've been looking
for a condenser mic... - Listen.

105
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:22,126
I don't give a pussy hair about
your metalhead faggot band.

106
00:10:22,542 --> 00:10:26,626
You can stick the condenser mic
up your ass for all I care.

107
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:32,126
One more thing.

108
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:35,334
In the future, go buy your greens
somewhere else.

109
00:10:35,459 --> 00:10:38,209
I've been warming that chick up
for a long time, -

110
00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:40,084
and you ain't gonna ruin it.

111
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:44,042
Some might say I work too hard
to get laid, but I say, -

112
00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,334
<i>"The chase is better
than the catch."</i>

113
00:10:46,459 --> 00:10:49,584
You know?
No, you don't know a fucking thing.

114
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:54,667
Go get haircut.
I'll go get laid.

115
00:10:54,792 --> 00:10:58,792
With my dick. A pussy.
A woman's pussy.

116
00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:17,417
Homo!

117
00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:44,417
Moilanen,
are you smuggling drugs?

118
00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:46,792
Jouni said you went
to the flower shop -

119
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:50,542
to woo my daughter. - I bought
flowers for one of our residents.

120
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:54,167
What? - I bought
flowers for one of our residents.

121
00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,167
I didn't let her move
to the city -

122
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,626
because I didn't want her
to end up -

123
00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:02,001
dating a glue sniffer like you.

124
00:12:02,126 --> 00:12:05,459
She needs a real man.
I know the perfect son-in-law.

125
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,792
Jouni Tulkku?
- He's a good man.

126
00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:12,209
He's a player.
- What? Say that again.

127
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,834
I mean, I play.
In a heavy metal band.

128
00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:19,001
You're a hippie.

129
00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:21,917
Make sure the flowers end up
in a vase -

130
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,417
and not in a pipe
in one of your drug dens.

131
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,751
Or I'll lock all of you up.

132
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:34,376
Did you call Jouni a player?
- No, I didn't.

133
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,834
Now we're gonna write a song.

134
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,042
Okay, let's do it.

135
00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:54,167
What the hell.
That's what we'll do.

136
00:13:00,584 --> 00:13:03,834
How does the song start?

137
00:13:05,501 --> 00:13:08,084
Lotvonen, you have a riff'?

138
00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:12,542
I have a couple of ideas.

139
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,667
"Walk" by Pantera. 1992.

140
00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:25,084
How about this?

141
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:33,084
Children of Bodom:
"Everytime I Die." 2000. Laiho.

142
00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:46,334
Mors Subita: "The Sermon."
Finnish melodic death metal.

143
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:57,751
"Crucified." Necrobutcher
of Infernal Legions. 1989.

144
00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:14,334
Turo,
why don't you write lyrics first?

145
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:18,501
What should I write about?

146
00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:23,459
Heavy metal lyrics are usually
based on mythology, -

147
00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:28,084
occultism, satanism,
or crappy fantasy literature.

148
00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:33,334
You can also write
about your personal misfortunes.

149
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,126
Those I've got plenty of.
- That's right.

150
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:40,792
He's right.

151
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,126
What the hell...

152
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,584
What the hell.

153
00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,376
Darn!

154
00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,584
That's it.

155
00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:55,167
That's it.

156
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,709
Jynkky, this is it.

157
00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:11,626
Are you stupid?
This is our sound!

158
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:17,542
This is a pure blast beat!

159
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:21,459
The souls of hundreds of
reindeers screaming in pain -

160
00:16:21,584 --> 00:16:24,209
on their way to reindeer hell.

161
00:16:26,292 --> 00:16:30,501
When we turn this into a song,
grannies will go crazy.

162
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:36,084
I was thinking
it would go like this.

163
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:51,584
I've never heard anything like it.

164
00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:57,667
It has a bit of Forced Vomit's
"Vominatorium Excalibur," -

165
00:16:58,209 --> 00:17:00,334
but the sound is unique.

166
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:06,126
I'll start with the riff.
Then Jynkky and Pasi join in.

167
00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:09,751
Pasi, should we start
on the same beat? - Sure.

168
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,751
Then my solo.
- No solo.

169
00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:17,251
Then we'll all headbang in sync.

170
00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:19,001
One, two, one, two...

171
00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:22,751
Okay, let's go.
- Yeah.

172
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:29,251
This is "Flooding Secretions,"
meaning "shit on your thighs."

173
00:19:08,376 --> 00:19:13,042
Goddammit! We've never
played as brutally as we just did!

174
00:19:13,376 --> 00:19:15,751
And this was our song.

175
00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:19,001
There's a lot of message
in your lyrics, Turo.

176
00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:21,417
Yeah, a lot of words.

177
00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:25,209
Look at this. Our first demo.

178
00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:27,876
Now we make tons of copies -

179
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:32,792
and send them to record
companies, agencies and studios.

180
00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:36,292
Turo, I'll write your number on it.
- Mine?

181
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:41,834
You're the front man,
so you can take care of publicity.

182
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,292
Come help me, son.

183
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:52,209
Some guy pulled
into the driveway. A foreigner.

184
00:19:57,584 --> 00:20:01,709
What if he's an EU inspector?
I've taken a few liberties -

185
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,584
interpreting the directives.
- Let's go ask.

186
00:20:19,459 --> 00:20:22,917
Who is he?
- I guess he's an EU inspector.

187
00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:25,917
Doesn't look like one.

188
00:20:33,917 --> 00:20:35,709
Does he have money?

189
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:42,917
We sure as hell have blood.
This ain't no flower shop.

190
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,042
Tell him this is supersharp.

191
00:21:44,584 --> 00:21:46,209
Oh.

192
00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:04,667
<i>Goddammit! Shit!</i>

193
00:22:09,084 --> 00:22:11,001
Goddammit!

194
00:22:11,334 --> 00:22:13,584
I'm sure
I'm gonna lose my permit now.

195
00:22:17,834 --> 00:22:20,834
Isn't that the logo of
the metal festival in Norway?

196
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:23,917
The biggest one in the Cap
of the North. - Who was he?

197
00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:28,209
"Frank Massegrav,
festival promoter."

198
00:22:29,126 --> 00:22:32,084
Jynkky! What are you doing?

199
00:22:45,209 --> 00:22:48,501
<i>What the hell are you doing?</i>

200
00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:26,001
What did you say to him?
- I gave him our demo.

201
00:23:27,417 --> 00:23:31,167
Guys, we're gonna play
at a festival! - What?

202
00:23:31,917 --> 00:23:33,876
Guys, you know what?

203
00:23:34,042 --> 00:23:37,751
I have a feeling
this could be something.

204
00:23:42,834 --> 00:23:44,626
A gig in Norway.

205
00:24:03,751 --> 00:24:06,376
Oh hi, Turo.

206
00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:10,042
What's up?

207
00:24:10,292 --> 00:24:12,751
We might have a gig coming up.

208
00:24:14,417 --> 00:24:17,042
At a festival in Norway.
- What?

209
00:24:17,167 --> 00:24:20,792
That's huge!
- I don't know about it...

210
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:23,251
Congratulations!

211
00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:31,001
Miia, dazzling as always.
Turo, looking like you always do.

212
00:24:31,084 --> 00:24:34,292
Guess what? Turo and his band
have a gig in Norway.

213
00:24:34,417 --> 00:24:36,834
It's not that big a deal.
- It is.

214
00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:42,084
That's... great.
Will you play for an audience?

215
00:24:42,251 --> 00:24:45,167
The gig is at a festival.

216
00:24:46,376 --> 00:24:49,917
I'm so happy for you. Fuck.

217
00:24:50,584 --> 00:24:52,251
Why don't we get going.

218
00:24:52,376 --> 00:24:55,084
Turo must be busy
with the upcoming gig.

219
00:24:55,209 --> 00:24:57,126
Hop in.

220
00:24:57,292 --> 00:25:00,542
Turo, that was great news.

221
00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:03,001
Hop in.
- Rock rock.

222
00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:04,917
Rock.
- Awesome news!

223
00:25:05,042 --> 00:25:07,001
Awesome indeed.

224
00:25:34,209 --> 00:25:36,334
Turo, hi!

225
00:25:41,751 --> 00:25:44,042
You want a beer?

226
00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:52,751
A gig in Norway. No frigging way!
That's cool.

227
00:25:53,042 --> 00:25:56,501
The farthest Jouni's band
has been is Kiiminki.

228
00:26:03,542 --> 00:26:07,751
I have to say you rock.

229
00:26:10,084 --> 00:26:12,459
Hats off to you.

230
00:26:16,334 --> 00:26:18,376
Thanks.

231
00:26:27,251 --> 00:26:29,751
We got a new resident
in the closed ward.

232
00:26:29,876 --> 00:26:32,626
A really dangerous one.
Don't go into his room.

233
00:26:32,751 --> 00:26:35,126
Hand the linens over
through the hatch.

234
00:26:35,417 --> 00:26:37,751
Got it?
- Got it.

235
00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:40,584
Or do you want me to do it-

236
00:26:40,709 --> 00:26:44,459
now that you got the gig coming up?
- I'll take care of it.

237
00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,209
Sure thing.

238
00:27:19,501 --> 00:27:22,001
Why so scared'?

239
00:27:23,876 --> 00:27:27,167
Huh?
- I've never seen a...

240
00:27:28,334 --> 00:27:31,001
A Laplander?
- Yeah.

241
00:27:42,001 --> 00:27:45,126
I've got linens. Clean ones.

242
00:27:45,792 --> 00:27:50,334
If I come in,
will you take it easy? - Sure.

243
00:28:09,126 --> 00:28:11,501
I'm Turo.
- Oula.

244
00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:30,126
Oula! Calm down, goddammit!

245
00:28:51,334 --> 00:28:54,084
What's that music?
- Metal.

246
00:28:54,251 --> 00:28:56,001
What?
- Metal.

247
00:28:56,084 --> 00:28:58,792
Metal? Well well.

248
00:28:59,626 --> 00:29:04,292
Remember not to shake hands
with him or move abruptly.

249
00:29:05,001 --> 00:29:08,167
It triggers aggression in him.

250
00:29:08,376 --> 00:29:10,459
He was in reform school
in Pello, -

251
00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:14,917
but they couldn't handle him there.
- Yeah, he didn't sound local.

252
00:29:15,042 --> 00:29:16,667
Right.

253
00:29:20,626 --> 00:29:26,251
Imagine, the Northern Damnation
Festival in Norway.

254
00:29:26,376 --> 00:29:28,917
We're on stage.
There's a huge audience -

255
00:29:29,042 --> 00:29:31,834
holding their breath
in anticipation.

256
00:29:32,001 --> 00:29:35,251
More and more people gather
in front of the stage.

257
00:29:35,376 --> 00:29:38,167
They're there to see us.

258
00:29:38,917 --> 00:29:43,209
We walk onstage;
the lights are bright.

259
00:29:43,376 --> 00:29:47,251
A thousand people
stare at us intensely.

260
00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:50,334
Then it's all quiet;

261
00:29:50,459 --> 00:29:53,917
even the audience is
nervous as hell.

262
00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:57,626
I give the beat
with a click of the sticks.

263
00:29:57,751 --> 00:30:01,209
Lotvonen lets out one hell
of an avalanche of riffs.

264
00:30:01,334 --> 00:30:03,292
Pasi beats the bass like mad.

265
00:30:03,417 --> 00:30:07,751
Then Turo lets out a metal growl.
The audience is floored.

266
00:30:08,126 --> 00:30:11,042
This is one hell of a thing.

267
00:30:11,334 --> 00:30:16,126
I knew Frank would call you
right away and offer us a gig.

268
00:30:16,834 --> 00:30:19,626
He must've liked our song.

269
00:30:19,834 --> 00:30:21,626
Jynkky...

270
00:30:27,542 --> 00:30:31,751
Yeah, he mentioned the main stage.
- Main stage?

271
00:30:31,876 --> 00:30:39,001
What the hell. There's gonna be
at least 3,000 people.

272
00:30:39,126 --> 00:30:41,126
Damn.
- Or 10,000.

273
00:30:41,251 --> 00:30:44,084
He really liked our demo.

274
00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:48,001
You gotta like it.
The whole village has gone crazy.

275
00:30:48,126 --> 00:30:50,459
I even got a discount
at the hot dog stand.

276
00:30:50,584 --> 00:30:52,751
How are we gonna get to Norway?

277
00:30:53,001 --> 00:30:56,584
We need a bigger car.
Jynkky's car is too small.

278
00:30:56,751 --> 00:31:00,751
And we need a name. A good one.
- Yeah.

279
00:31:00,876 --> 00:31:02,834
And a logo.
- Yeah.

280
00:31:03,584 --> 00:31:07,376
Jouni's gigging at the hotel.
Wanna go have a laugh at him?

281
00:31:08,417 --> 00:31:10,584
Let's go!
- Let's go.

282
00:31:11,459 --> 00:31:14,834
Guys, you need to help me
get my car started.

283
00:31:16,584 --> 00:31:21,792
The name has to have two words.
In English. Like Forced Vomit.

284
00:31:22,084 --> 00:31:24,001
Fetal Death?

285
00:31:24,834 --> 00:31:26,667
Fetal Death.

286
00:31:26,792 --> 00:31:29,251
Let's not get small kids
involved in this.

287
00:31:29,376 --> 00:31:31,626
How about Blood Poisoning?

288
00:31:32,001 --> 00:31:36,084
Eternal Tears of Sorrow?
- No way.

289
00:31:36,209 --> 00:31:38,626
How about Exorcised Vomit?

290
00:31:39,209 --> 00:31:42,251
Possessed Vomit.
- That's pretty nasty.

291
00:31:44,542 --> 00:31:46,167
Vomit is good.

292
00:31:52,376 --> 00:31:56,251
<i>I'm thirsty
Your spring is a shower</i>

293
00:31:56,376 --> 00:31:59,792
<i>I'm thirsty
The nectar of your flower</i>

294
00:32:00,042 --> 00:32:05,126
<i>My parched lips
Awaiting the rain to start</i>

295
00:32:10,626 --> 00:32:12,917
Look.

296
00:32:14,542 --> 00:32:16,792
The rock stars are here!

297
00:32:29,001 --> 00:32:34,209
<i>Who will extinguish this fire
in my heart</i>

298
00:32:35,292 --> 00:32:37,251
<i>I salute.</i>

299
00:32:37,917 --> 00:32:42,834
We'll have a small break.
We'll continue in a moment.

300
00:32:46,542 --> 00:32:51,709
May I have your attention.
I'd like to say a couple of words.

301
00:32:52,626 --> 00:32:56,917
On behalf of our municipality
and our residents, -

302
00:32:57,834 --> 00:33:00,917
I'd like to present this pennant
to you.

303
00:33:04,084 --> 00:33:06,167
Here you are.

304
00:33:06,542 --> 00:33:12,501
I heard
your band will play a gig -

305
00:33:12,709 --> 00:33:15,251
at a music event in Norway.
ls it true?

306
00:33:17,417 --> 00:33:21,667
Yes. I was actually
supposed to tell you...

307
00:33:25,876 --> 00:33:32,001
Our gig is going to be shown
on Norwegian TV live. - Excellent.

308
00:33:32,126 --> 00:33:34,042
Good luck.

309
00:33:37,001 --> 00:33:39,042
I wish you all luck.

310
00:33:45,126 --> 00:33:48,792
Proud of you. Proud of you.

311
00:33:49,084 --> 00:33:51,001
Goddammit.

312
00:33:55,042 --> 00:33:59,667
Jynkky. Give me
Frank's business card. - Sure.

313
00:34:00,209 --> 00:34:03,084
I need to discuss
some practical things. - Right.

314
00:34:03,209 --> 00:34:06,667
Let him know our rider.
- Yeah.

315
00:34:06,917 --> 00:34:10,834
We need to give him a list
of the things we want backstage.

316
00:34:11,001 --> 00:34:15,584
Tomorrow we'll go buy a van
from Tulkku.

317
00:34:15,876 --> 00:34:19,334
We need space for all of our stuff.
- And we need band photos.

318
00:34:20,542 --> 00:34:22,417
Hi.
- Hi.

319
00:34:22,542 --> 00:34:26,584
I kinda accidentally blurted out
the news about your gig.

320
00:34:26,709 --> 00:34:30,001
It's so great
I just had to tell everyone.

321
00:34:30,126 --> 00:34:32,209
That's okay.
- Good.

322
00:34:32,459 --> 00:34:36,376
It's great you're going all the way
to Norway to play a gig.

323
00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:41,542
Is it your first gig? - Yeah,
we thought we'd start at the top.

324
00:34:41,792 --> 00:34:45,167
Although it wouldn't hurt
to practice as an opening act.

325
00:34:45,459 --> 00:34:48,209
But it's a little hard
to get one around here.

326
00:34:48,334 --> 00:34:50,334
Jouni.

327
00:34:51,542 --> 00:34:54,542
Miia. Should we finally check
the backstage out?

328
00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:57,792
Why don't you take the boys
as your opening act.

329
00:35:00,292 --> 00:35:05,001
Right. Well...
I wonder how that would work out.

330
00:35:05,126 --> 00:35:07,542
Give the boys a chance.

331
00:35:08,917 --> 00:35:13,376
Well, it would be a nice change
to have a comedy act here.

332
00:35:14,501 --> 00:35:17,792
So what do you say, Moilanen?
You wanna open -

333
00:35:17,917 --> 00:35:20,417
for the Star Mustaches
next Saturday?

334
00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:23,126
Say yes!

335
00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:27,334
Sure.
- Yes!

336
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:31,459
That's awesome! Thanks, Jouni,
that's so nice of you!

337
00:35:31,584 --> 00:35:35,084
My pleasure.
- Yes!

338
00:35:39,209 --> 00:35:42,209
What kind of music
do you retards even play?

339
00:35:42,501 --> 00:35:45,542
Symphonic post-apocalyptic
reindeer-grinding -

340
00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:49,084
Christ-abusing extreme
war pagan Fennoscandian metal.

341
00:35:51,126 --> 00:35:53,417
No wonder
you're not getting any pussy.

342
00:35:53,542 --> 00:35:57,584
And who stuck a pole up his ass?
One of you?

343
00:35:58,251 --> 00:36:00,251
Frigging ghost.

344
00:36:04,334 --> 00:36:07,167
Impaled Ass...

345
00:36:15,751 --> 00:36:18,334
We want the best van
we can get for this money.

346
00:36:19,251 --> 00:36:24,001
That's 260.
- Yeah. What can we get with it?

347
00:36:24,084 --> 00:36:28,751
A snow tire and gonorrhea.
Barely.

348
00:36:31,126 --> 00:36:35,209
Okay, I'll trade my Peugeot 205
for the van.

349
00:36:35,334 --> 00:36:37,167
XL?
- Yeah.

350
00:36:38,876 --> 00:36:44,292
285 euros.
I might have a van for you.

351
00:36:52,751 --> 00:36:56,209
This is it.
It has a beautiful patina.

352
00:36:56,626 --> 00:36:59,209
It's seen a lot of life.
Or actually death.

353
00:36:59,376 --> 00:37:02,584
This van has killed
three large animals and one person.

354
00:37:02,709 --> 00:37:05,667
A dwarf. Chinese, I think.

355
00:37:06,001 --> 00:37:10,001
Then it was buried in a swamp.

356
00:37:10,167 --> 00:37:14,209
It was used
in a bank robbery in Sweden.

357
00:37:14,501 --> 00:37:16,876
And a circus professional,
a clown, -

358
00:37:17,001 --> 00:37:19,584
killed himself
in the passenger seat.

359
00:37:23,501 --> 00:37:25,501
It's the van of death.

360
00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:28,084
<i>The death van.</i>

361
00:37:29,459 --> 00:37:32,417
Yes. We'll take it.

362
00:37:35,709 --> 00:37:37,667
Okay.

363
00:37:42,417 --> 00:37:45,501
Jynkky, why don't you lend me
your old drums.

364
00:37:45,626 --> 00:37:48,084
We'll take them
to the care home. - Why?

365
00:37:48,209 --> 00:37:49,834
For music therapy.

366
00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:54,667
Fuck! It clicked again.
That damn speed camera haunts me!

367
00:37:54,792 --> 00:37:56,667
We could've taken another road.

368
00:37:56,792 --> 00:37:59,126
I've been taking this road -

369
00:37:59,251 --> 00:38:01,542
since before
I got my driver's license.

370
00:38:01,667 --> 00:38:04,334
I ain't taking back roads
because of that cam.

371
00:38:04,459 --> 00:38:06,251
That cost me 100 euros.

372
00:38:12,584 --> 00:38:17,126
Sweet Jesus on a stick!
I never would've believed it.

373
00:38:18,001 --> 00:38:21,251
Take new linens to him.
And then there's Kolehmainen...

374
00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:26,876
I heard you have a gig at the hotel.
- Yeah.

375
00:38:27,084 --> 00:38:30,876
A bunch of the staff
will be there.

376
00:39:03,001 --> 00:39:04,917
This is a great song!

377
00:39:07,667 --> 00:39:09,626
What is it?

378
00:39:09,834 --> 00:39:13,292
My buddies and I have a band.
- Are you famous?

379
00:39:14,001 --> 00:39:16,001
I don't know about that.

380
00:39:16,626 --> 00:39:20,876
We probably have a couple of gigs
coming up, though. - Listen.

381
00:39:22,251 --> 00:39:24,834
I'm sorry about last time.

382
00:39:25,917 --> 00:39:29,292
I sometimes lose it.
You see, I'm crazy.

383
00:39:32,459 --> 00:39:35,001
Just kidding!

384
00:39:36,209 --> 00:39:38,084
Don't you have a sense of humor?

385
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:41,001
I haven't seen much humor
in anything lately.

386
00:39:41,126 --> 00:39:42,876
Why are you so serious?

387
00:39:44,667 --> 00:39:47,376
This one thing got out of hand.

388
00:39:52,459 --> 00:39:56,292
Everybody's expecting a lot of me.

389
00:39:58,584 --> 00:40:01,334
What if I screw up and
ruin everything?

390
00:40:01,459 --> 00:40:04,751
Boy, the only way to get rid of
your fears is facing them.

391
00:40:04,876 --> 00:40:06,709
You see, -

392
00:40:06,876 --> 00:40:13,251
there's a tribe in Africa
that steals food from lions.

393
00:40:13,542 --> 00:40:15,501
They're fearless young men.

394
00:40:15,626 --> 00:40:20,292
They just walk up to the lions
as if they owned the forest.

395
00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:25,209
The lions are stunned
when someone isn't scared of them.

396
00:40:25,334 --> 00:40:29,876
The warriors just snatch their kill
right in front of them.

397
00:40:33,376 --> 00:40:36,709
Are you from there?
- Nearby.

398
00:40:37,001 --> 00:40:39,501
I'm from Karigasniemi,
Finnish Lapland!

399
00:40:40,751 --> 00:40:45,001
I saw it on TV.
In a nature documentary.

400
00:40:46,751 --> 00:40:49,209
We don't have that many lions
around here.

401
00:40:49,417 --> 00:40:52,667
You don't really get metaphors,
do you?

402
00:40:54,001 --> 00:40:58,417
We all have our lions to face.

403
00:41:05,501 --> 00:41:08,667
What are we doing here?
- I'm hungry.

404
00:41:40,459 --> 00:41:42,459
Pasi.

405
00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:46,292
That's one hell of a costume.

406
00:41:52,001 --> 00:41:54,292
There's no more Pasi.

407
00:41:54,542 --> 00:41:57,167
There's only Xytrax.
- Xytero?

408
00:41:57,292 --> 00:41:59,709
Xytrax.
- Xytero?

409
00:41:59,876 --> 00:42:04,834
It's a pseudonym.
All the legends have pseudonyms.

410
00:42:05,126 --> 00:42:09,167
Trollhorn, King Diamond,
Nuclear Holocausto.

411
00:42:09,584 --> 00:42:11,834
And now Xytrax.

412
00:42:15,917 --> 00:42:18,584
Here's our logo.

413
00:42:21,126 --> 00:42:23,542
Iskender Kebab.
That's cool.

414
00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:27,292
I love iskender kebab.
- No, Impaled Rektum.

415
00:42:27,709 --> 00:42:31,292
That's our name. Impaled ass.
- That's even better.

416
00:42:31,417 --> 00:42:35,251
Impaled Rektum.
That's brutal.

417
00:42:36,709 --> 00:42:39,334
And now we'll take a promo shot.

418
00:42:41,417 --> 00:42:43,626
More.

419
00:42:44,251 --> 00:42:46,001
That's too much.

420
00:42:46,292 --> 00:42:49,001
Turn it towards the swamp.
No...

421
00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:51,251
Which swamp?
- It was good.

422
00:42:51,459 --> 00:42:54,042
Clockwise.
- Your clockwise or mine?

423
00:43:10,376 --> 00:43:12,167
That's it.

424
00:43:14,251 --> 00:43:17,751
How can we get the photo?

425
00:43:19,709 --> 00:43:22,917
From the police station.
- Yeah.

426
00:43:25,376 --> 00:43:28,084
It took a photo. Let's get going.

427
00:43:28,334 --> 00:43:31,042
Jynkky, I need a ride.
I need to do one thing.

428
00:43:44,542 --> 00:43:47,709
I've never been here before.

429
00:43:50,209 --> 00:43:54,917
Wait here; I won't be long.

430
00:43:58,626 --> 00:44:02,084
No. I'm coming with you.

431
00:44:02,209 --> 00:44:05,042
I'm not going to wait here
by myself.

432
00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:07,501
RANUA ZOO

433
00:44:08,459 --> 00:44:11,167
What an amazing place.

434
00:44:15,792 --> 00:44:18,251
Bears are such big animals.

435
00:44:18,667 --> 00:44:21,334
You can't tell
from TV or in photos.

436
00:44:21,501 --> 00:44:25,584
But here you can see
that they're damn big.

437
00:44:33,834 --> 00:44:38,709
Wolves kill for fun, you know?

438
00:44:39,001 --> 00:44:42,001
They practice killing
with reindeers.

439
00:44:42,334 --> 00:44:48,001
There must be a whole pack of them
in the back.

440
00:44:58,376 --> 00:45:00,001
How cute!

441
00:45:04,917 --> 00:45:09,626
Turo, what the hell?
- We all have our lions to face.

442
00:45:09,751 --> 00:45:14,167
That's a wolverine.
- It's a metaphor.

443
00:45:14,292 --> 00:45:16,751
Don't. What the hell...Turo!

444
00:46:36,501 --> 00:46:39,834
We have liver casserole at home.
You could've eaten that.

445
00:46:48,501 --> 00:46:51,834
What in the world happened to you?
- Nothing really.

446
00:46:52,001 --> 00:46:55,792
I've just been wrestling
with a couple of things. - Okay.

447
00:46:56,292 --> 00:46:59,209
Are you coming to see our gig
tomorrow? - Of course.

448
00:46:59,334 --> 00:47:01,126
Good.

449
00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:08,542
You need anything else?

450
00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:11,834
That's it.

451
00:47:23,334 --> 00:47:25,042
I was thinking...

452
00:47:25,792 --> 00:47:28,042
Would you like to have coffee
with me?

453
00:47:29,626 --> 00:47:32,834
Sure, I love coffee. With buns.

454
00:47:33,751 --> 00:47:36,084
Yeah, with buns.

455
00:47:36,667 --> 00:47:38,376
It's a deal.

456
00:47:53,917 --> 00:47:58,251
What did I tell you?
Leave my daughter alone!

457
00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:01,709
Throw that baton back!
You hear me'?

458
00:48:01,834 --> 00:48:04,251
REINDEER AND COUGAR

459
00:48:19,417 --> 00:48:21,792
The place is packed!

460
00:48:22,626 --> 00:48:25,209
What's that?
- Pyrotechnics.

461
00:48:25,751 --> 00:48:27,376
Good idea.

462
00:48:27,501 --> 00:48:29,459
I gotta go to the bathroom.

463
00:48:32,084 --> 00:48:34,001
Fuck!

464
00:48:51,792 --> 00:48:53,542
Turo Moilanen.

465
00:49:29,834 --> 00:49:32,376
Turo, let's go!

466
00:49:47,626 --> 00:49:51,792
Thank you.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

467
00:49:51,917 --> 00:49:55,709
I'm a generous guy, so I'm giving
a group of local boys a shot.

468
00:49:55,834 --> 00:49:59,667
Some wild rock 'n' roll
to kick off the night...

469
00:49:59,792 --> 00:50:03,667
What was the name of your band?
- Impaled Rektum.

470
00:50:05,126 --> 00:50:11,251
Please welcome:
lmpure Recluse!

471
00:50:24,167 --> 00:50:26,709
Oops. Sorry.

472
00:50:56,792 --> 00:50:58,792
Turo!

473
00:51:17,001 --> 00:51:19,876
Oh dear. Oh dear.

474
00:51:24,626 --> 00:51:28,376
No one gets it right every time.

475
00:51:28,501 --> 00:51:33,292
That was great. Your gig in Norway
will be a success.

476
00:51:33,459 --> 00:51:35,209
There will be no gig in Norway.

477
00:51:35,334 --> 00:51:38,126
Turo Moilanen
would like to say something.

478
00:51:38,584 --> 00:51:41,042
There will be no gig in Norway!

479
00:51:41,167 --> 00:51:43,542
What?
- There never was.

480
00:51:43,667 --> 00:51:46,126
What the fuck, Turo?
- Homo!

481
00:51:46,251 --> 00:51:47,917
No frigging Way...

482
00:51:48,876 --> 00:51:50,709
Everything's fine...

483
00:52:08,084 --> 00:52:10,584
What the hell have you done.

484
00:52:11,167 --> 00:52:13,834
Yes...
- Shut up!

485
00:52:16,542 --> 00:52:20,126
You're lucky if the mayor
doesn't press charges against you -

486
00:52:20,251 --> 00:52:24,501
for property damage
or lying through your teeth.

487
00:52:25,501 --> 00:52:33,167
And your so-called car.
I'm confiscating it.

488
00:52:33,292 --> 00:52:35,751
It hasn't been inspected
in two years.

489
00:52:36,042 --> 00:52:40,167
We bought it from Jouni.
- Don't drag him into this!

490
00:52:40,542 --> 00:52:43,376
He said he told you
it hasn't been inspected.

491
00:52:43,501 --> 00:52:47,334
He didn't.
- Shut up!

492
00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:50,167
Give me the keys.

493
00:52:56,459 --> 00:53:00,001
You damn raccoon. What is it?

494
00:53:01,042 --> 00:53:06,417
We recently took a promo shot-

495
00:53:07,126 --> 00:53:08,917
with the speed cam...

496
00:53:09,042 --> 00:53:12,084
Could we get the photo
as soon as possible? - What?

497
00:53:12,376 --> 00:53:15,626
It's a promo shot for the band.

498
00:53:15,751 --> 00:53:20,417
That's what you did?
- Yeah, we did.

499
00:53:20,542 --> 00:53:23,251
No, you can't have it!

500
00:53:23,501 --> 00:53:26,709
The photo is government property.

501
00:53:28,459 --> 00:53:31,292
Make sure you don't leave town.

502
00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,542
Miia!

503
00:53:34,876 --> 00:53:36,751
Let's go.

504
00:53:43,042 --> 00:53:45,459
Impaled Rektum.

505
00:53:45,792 --> 00:53:48,917
First gig and
a huge scandal and a lot hate.

506
00:53:49,626 --> 00:53:52,084
Very good.

507
00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:54,917
I should've known
this was going to happen -

508
00:53:55,042 --> 00:53:58,667
when glue-sniffing criminals
are allowed to mingle -

509
00:53:58,792 --> 00:54:00,542
with good citizens.

510
00:54:00,667 --> 00:54:02,792
Dude, you lied.

511
00:54:04,084 --> 00:54:06,292
It got out of hand.
- Shut up!

512
00:54:06,584 --> 00:54:09,001
I'm darn mad.

513
00:54:13,417 --> 00:54:15,376
This isn't working.

514
00:54:18,042 --> 00:54:19,792
I quit.

515
00:54:21,584 --> 00:54:24,501
Turo. You're not going to quit,
are you?

516
00:54:26,709 --> 00:54:29,709
Everything has sucked
the whole time.

517
00:54:30,876 --> 00:54:33,542
We should've
stayed in Lotvonen's basement.

518
00:54:33,667 --> 00:54:37,001
Turo. That's not what bands do.

519
00:54:37,542 --> 00:54:40,542
Bands play for people.
Other people.

520
00:54:40,667 --> 00:54:45,376
Well, what did you think of our gig?
- It was damn impressive!

521
00:54:45,501 --> 00:54:49,126
Not very many bands
have first gigs like that.

522
00:54:49,376 --> 00:54:51,376
Besides, we have a gig in Norway.

523
00:54:51,501 --> 00:54:54,626
There's no gig in Norway.
There never was.

524
00:54:54,751 --> 00:55:00,542
I don't care
if we play in the parking lot.

525
00:55:00,667 --> 00:55:03,376
We made it this far.
I don't want to give up.

526
00:55:03,501 --> 00:55:07,001
I'm going to Norway
even if I'm dead!

527
00:55:07,876 --> 00:55:11,417
We don't even have a car.
- I'll get the van back.

528
00:55:11,542 --> 00:55:14,251
And then we'll go. I'll call you.

529
00:55:21,334 --> 00:55:23,584
Hi.
- Hi.

530
00:55:26,501 --> 00:55:29,376
Have you seen Turo?
- No.

531
00:55:29,501 --> 00:55:34,251
Okay. Where's Jouni?

532
00:55:39,876 --> 00:55:43,501
I've been going
through rough times.

533
00:55:43,917 --> 00:55:47,501
My grandmother is terminally ill,
among other things.

534
00:55:47,626 --> 00:55:50,001
Don't pull on my suit.
I use it onstage.

535
00:55:50,126 --> 00:55:52,667
Hi.
- Yeah.

536
00:55:52,834 --> 00:55:54,584
This doesn't concern you.

537
00:55:57,292 --> 00:55:59,376
Want to have a threesome?

538
00:55:59,501 --> 00:56:01,417
Why don't you go to hell.

539
00:56:05,626 --> 00:56:09,209
I don't know her.
Continue.

540
00:56:29,042 --> 00:56:32,001
POLICE

541
00:57:09,126 --> 00:57:11,001
Shit.

542
00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:59,251
We'll be home soon.

543
00:58:39,542 --> 00:58:41,167
Shitty cam!

544
00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:08,917
We have gathered here
to see Jyrki Kalevi Pätsi off -

545
00:59:09,042 --> 00:59:10,834
on his final journey.

546
00:59:11,001 --> 00:59:16,292
Jyrki managed to experience
many things during his short life.

547
00:59:17,042 --> 00:59:22,001
His wick of life burned
with a big flame.

548
00:59:22,834 --> 00:59:28,667
The water of life flowed
in his heart, clear like a crystal.

549
00:59:29,292 --> 00:59:31,626
Does anyone have anything to say -

550
00:59:31,751 --> 00:59:35,917
before we commit his body
to the ground?

551
00:59:42,709 --> 00:59:45,042
To my best friend.

552
00:59:51,001 --> 00:59:55,876
The Jynkky Special.
Without pickles.

553
00:59:56,251 --> 00:59:58,917
Because you were special too.

554
01:00:04,667 --> 01:00:09,292
"In the misty morning,
on the edge of time."

555
01:00:10,792 --> 01:00:13,459
"We've lost the rising sun."

556
01:00:14,626 --> 01:00:18,209
"We sailed across the air
before we learned to fly.“

557
01:00:19,917 --> 01:00:22,501
"We thought that it could
never end."

558
01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:28,084
"We're lost children of the sea."

559
01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:34,042
Ronnie James, Dio. 1980.

560
01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:41,501
I have to go to work.

561
01:00:41,626 --> 01:00:45,167
My dad thinks I should take over
the slaughterhouse -

562
01:00:45,292 --> 01:00:48,084
while he still has
most of his arms and legs left.

563
01:00:48,709 --> 01:00:51,792
I also have a lot of work.

564
01:01:02,667 --> 01:01:06,917
I haven't changed my plans.

565
01:01:21,417 --> 01:01:24,459
Hi.
- Hi.

566
01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:27,626
Come on in.

567
01:01:28,834 --> 01:01:30,876
It's a bit messy here.

568
01:01:33,126 --> 01:01:34,792
Are you moving?

569
01:01:35,167 --> 01:01:37,501
No. I'm just packing old junk away.

570
01:01:38,126 --> 01:01:42,209
Blood motor.

571
01:01:47,667 --> 01:01:51,001
It's a bit childish to have posters
on the walls at my age.

572
01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:55,126
How's the band?
- Well...

573
01:01:56,584 --> 01:01:58,209
I don't know.

574
01:01:59,501 --> 01:02:01,709
I got pissed.
- What?

575
01:02:02,334 --> 01:02:04,876
I thought I'd be good.

576
01:02:05,709 --> 01:02:08,042
I should've known
I'd screw it up -

577
01:02:08,417 --> 01:02:11,084
if I tried to sing
in front of people.

578
01:02:12,917 --> 01:02:15,209
I'm glad we quit.

579
01:02:15,459 --> 01:02:19,709
Goddammit! No way in hell!
Are you gonna give up too?

580
01:02:19,834 --> 01:02:25,042
Well... I have to move on.

581
01:02:25,501 --> 01:02:28,501
I have to think about others.
- You can't be serious.

582
01:02:28,667 --> 01:02:31,376
You're the reason
I've been thinking -

583
01:02:31,501 --> 01:02:34,501
about going to school in Oulu.

584
01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:37,417
And now you're giving up!

585
01:02:37,751 --> 01:02:40,751
There's nothing selfish
about being yourself!

586
01:02:41,876 --> 01:02:47,042
Greetings from the police station.
You can burn it if you want.

587
01:03:19,084 --> 01:03:21,126
Jynkky, dammit.

588
01:03:29,501 --> 01:03:32,167
What the hell. Let's go.

589
01:03:35,292 --> 01:03:40,084
Hey, Moilanen? Are you gay
because you're so pretty?

590
01:03:40,209 --> 01:03:42,167
Yeah.

591
01:03:49,917 --> 01:03:53,417
Gays are real men. Manly men.

592
01:03:54,667 --> 01:03:57,834
Are your keys in the car?
- Yeah.

593
01:03:58,001 --> 01:03:59,834
Good.

594
01:04:04,001 --> 01:04:07,001
Hey!

595
01:04:07,876 --> 01:04:11,292
This sounded horrible.
As if someone was killing a pig.

596
01:04:12,292 --> 01:04:14,584
They didn't kill a pig.

597
01:04:16,084 --> 01:04:18,209
It was a goat.

598
01:04:42,709 --> 01:04:45,626
They recorded this song
with a microphone -

599
01:04:45,751 --> 01:04:49,792
that was
in a dead sheep's carcass.

600
01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:01,042
All right.

601
01:05:22,542 --> 01:05:24,167
What the hell...

602
01:05:36,917 --> 01:05:38,542
Goddammit!

603
01:05:44,417 --> 01:05:46,376
Oula, calm down.

604
01:05:49,792 --> 01:05:51,542
Pasi.
- It's Xytrax.

605
01:05:51,667 --> 01:05:55,001
Put our demo on.

606
01:06:22,084 --> 01:06:25,126
Where are you taking me?
- To Norway.

607
01:06:25,251 --> 01:06:27,501
What the hell
am I going to do in Norway?

608
01:06:27,626 --> 01:06:31,251
You'll play symphonic
postapocalyptic reindeer-grinding -

609
01:06:31,376 --> 01:06:34,709
Christ-abusing extreme war pagan
Fennoscandian metal.

610
01:06:48,626 --> 01:06:53,001
Border Guard. - This is Police
Chief Kujanpää from Taivalkoski.

611
01:06:53,126 --> 01:06:56,917
You speak Finnish?
- Yes, a little.

612
01:06:57,042 --> 01:07:00,834
A gang of Devil worshippers
are on their way to the border.

613
01:07:01,001 --> 01:07:03,626
They're driving a van.

614
01:07:03,876 --> 01:07:06,459
They dug up a grave.
Close the border.

615
01:07:06,584 --> 01:07:11,001
We'll only close the border
if it's something serious, -

616
01:07:11,209 --> 01:07:13,251
such as a terrorist threat.

617
01:07:13,376 --> 01:07:15,292
They are terrorists!

618
01:07:15,417 --> 01:07:19,417
I'm sure they're all funta...
funda...

619
01:07:19,542 --> 01:07:21,751
Fundamentalists?
- Yes.

620
01:07:21,876 --> 01:07:26,334
I'll pass your message
onto my superiors. - OK.

621
01:07:40,001 --> 01:07:41,917
<i>Colonel Dokken.</i>

622
01:07:43,126 --> 01:07:47,042
<i>Sorry for disturbing you, but I got
an emergency call from Finland.</i>

623
01:07:47,167 --> 01:07:51,459
<i>A group of Finnish terrorists
are going to cross the border.</i>

624
01:07:51,709 --> 01:07:53,626
<i>We were asked to stop them.</i>

625
01:07:55,542 --> 01:07:57,751
<i>I knew this day would come.</i>

626
01:07:59,792 --> 01:08:03,167
<i>Call the Delta Troops.
- Delta Troops?</i>

627
01:08:03,292 --> 01:08:05,917
<i>You mean
those voluntary military troops?</i>

628
01:08:06,042 --> 01:08:08,209
<i>The safety of the country
is at stake!</i>

629
01:08:08,334 --> 01:08:10,001
<i>We need all the troops.</i>

630
01:08:10,084 --> 01:08:15,584
<i>We're the last line of defense!
And we won't back down.</i>

631
01:08:17,417 --> 01:08:21,417
<i>Angelo...
You'll be smokin' hot soon.</i>

632
01:08:33,792 --> 01:08:39,042
<i>You're here because you're the best
of the best.</i>

633
01:08:43,251 --> 01:08:47,334
<i>You're here
because your country needs you.</i>

634
01:08:47,667 --> 01:08:50,001
<i>Because you're fearless.</i>

635
01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,126
<i>Because</i> -

636
01:08:53,334 --> 01:08:55,084
<i>you live nearby.</i>

637
01:08:55,459 --> 01:08:57,709
<i>Using force is recommended.</i>

638
01:08:57,834 --> 01:09:01,626
<i>Let's give these terrorists
a welcome they'll never forget!</i>

639
01:09:04,084 --> 01:09:07,001
<i>Oh my God, here we go again.</i>

640
01:09:15,376 --> 01:09:18,751
Judah, sulking is forbidden
at a bachelor party.

641
01:09:19,376 --> 01:09:21,417
Hey, I can drive us back.

642
01:09:21,542 --> 01:09:25,167
Jesus and the disciples is
the best idea ever -

643
01:09:25,292 --> 01:09:27,001
for a bachelor party.

644
01:09:27,667 --> 01:09:31,334
Look what I got!

645
01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:36,792
This keeps getting better!

646
01:09:39,917 --> 01:09:43,459
Judah, turn the music down.

647
01:10:12,876 --> 01:10:15,667
You missed one hit.

648
01:10:27,084 --> 01:10:31,834
<i>I assume you understand
the importance of gun safety.</i>

649
01:10:32,001 --> 01:10:35,751
<i>Don't point it at me.
Oh God.</i>

650
01:10:38,334 --> 01:10:40,751
<i>Take your finger off the trigger!</i>

651
01:10:42,542 --> 01:10:44,167
<i>Grenade!</i>

652
01:11:01,167 --> 01:11:03,542
What the hell?

653
01:11:07,126 --> 01:11:08,917
What the hell?

654
01:11:16,209 --> 01:11:19,459
<i>Colonel, with all due respect,
this makes no sense.</i>

655
01:11:19,584 --> 01:11:23,584
<i>We need to ask headquarters
for backup. - A car!</i>

656
01:11:33,584 --> 01:11:35,459
<i>Angelo!</i>

657
01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:38,792
<i>You can't shoot them!
- Just a warning shot.</i>

658
01:11:54,459 --> 01:11:57,876
<i>Sergeant, arrest those men.</i>

659
01:12:27,876 --> 01:12:30,126
We better drive nice and slow.

660
01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:03,084
I'm glad
border control is on the job.

661
01:13:05,917 --> 01:13:07,876
<i>Say "cheese"!</i>

662
01:13:29,917 --> 01:13:33,584
You stopped the wrong car!

663
01:13:35,584 --> 01:13:37,792
<i>We stopped the wrong car.</i>

664
01:13:44,709 --> 01:13:47,084
Guys, we're in Norway!

665
01:13:47,417 --> 01:13:52,376
Go, Sweden!

666
01:14:34,084 --> 01:14:36,334
We're not gonna get stuck here,
are we?

667
01:14:43,084 --> 01:14:44,834
Brake!
- I am braking.

668
01:14:45,001 --> 01:14:46,876
Brake better!

669
01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:51,792
No!

670
01:14:52,626 --> 01:14:55,876
Shit!
- No!

671
01:15:15,376 --> 01:15:17,209
<i>The megaphone!</i>
- <i>What the</i> hell?

672
01:15:17,334 --> 01:15:19,042
You'll stay in the car.

673
01:15:25,126 --> 01:15:26,876
MY Van!

674
01:15:28,917 --> 01:15:30,584
Hey!

675
01:15:34,792 --> 01:15:36,792
Dad!

676
01:15:58,501 --> 01:16:01,126
What the hell
are they talking about?

677
01:16:02,542 --> 01:16:04,292
Hey.

678
01:16:04,834 --> 01:16:06,709
It can't end like this.

679
01:16:06,834 --> 01:16:10,751
Listen, mop-tops!
It's the end of the road now.

680
01:16:11,584 --> 01:16:13,834
You'll be locked
away for a long time.

681
01:16:14,001 --> 01:16:16,584
The longer you wait,
the longer the sentence.

682
01:16:20,126 --> 01:16:21,834
Guys.

683
01:16:23,417 --> 01:16:25,376
Listen.

684
01:16:36,584 --> 01:16:40,001
What are we gonna do?
Are we gonna give up?

685
01:16:43,334 --> 01:16:45,626
Darn it!

686
01:16:59,876 --> 01:17:03,001
I say we follow Jynkky.

687
01:17:25,126 --> 01:17:27,667
And I'm the one
they keep in a closed ward.

688
01:18:20,501 --> 01:18:24,709
We died and went to hell.

689
01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:29,167
I'd say
this is either Asgard or Valhalla.

690
01:18:57,917 --> 01:19:00,334
<i>Wasn't this supposed to be
a fantasy game?</i>

691
01:19:00,792 --> 01:19:03,376
<i>These guys look
like Finnish metalheads.</i>

692
01:19:03,501 --> 01:19:07,042
<i>This is a Middle Age SCA,
not fantasy larping.</i>

693
01:19:07,417 --> 01:19:10,876
<i>Do you always have to play a fairy?
- Yes.</i>

694
01:19:12,501 --> 01:19:16,876
<i>Damn Legolas.
- Hey! Take us down!</i>

695
01:19:17,584 --> 01:19:20,751
<i>Next time
it's your turn to be crucified!</i>

696
01:19:44,001 --> 01:19:45,917
Land ho!

697
01:19:46,209 --> 01:19:48,167
Northern Damnation!

698
01:20:58,876 --> 01:21:03,209
<i>Right, boys?
- Damn.</i>

699
01:21:17,751 --> 01:21:20,417
Hey, where do you think
you're going?

700
01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:24,001
There are all kinds of bums
ready to cause trouble for you.

701
01:21:24,792 --> 01:21:27,667
Dad, you can't protect me
for the rest of my life.

702
01:21:29,376 --> 01:21:33,251
I'm going to the festival.
Try to behave.

703
01:21:33,584 --> 01:21:36,042
You understand?

704
01:21:53,001 --> 01:21:54,876
What are you doing?

705
01:21:56,084 --> 01:21:58,709
This won't feel like mine
if I don't do this.

706
01:22:05,751 --> 01:22:07,709
I gotta go to the bathroom.

707
01:22:15,209 --> 01:22:18,584
It'll go well.
- Miia.

708
01:22:20,459 --> 01:22:22,834
What the hell are you doing here?

709
01:22:23,001 --> 01:22:25,084
I've seen enough of back home.

710
01:22:25,251 --> 01:22:27,334
And I wanted to see your gig.

711
01:22:28,376 --> 01:22:30,834
I'm your number one fan,
after all.

712
01:22:32,626 --> 01:22:34,542
Show them what you got.

713
01:22:48,251 --> 01:22:51,042
I've been wanting
to tell you something.

714
01:23:00,917 --> 01:23:02,709
Rock rock!

715
01:23:13,876 --> 01:23:15,709
Fuck!

716
01:23:18,126 --> 01:23:19,751
Yes!

717
01:23:48,917 --> 01:23:51,209
He got it wrong.

718
01:23:58,584 --> 01:24:02,751
Jynkky, we're playing
Northern Damnation!

719
01:26:22,584 --> 01:26:24,584
<i>Shields!</i>

720
01:26:49,834 --> 01:26:53,084
Let the boys play some more.

721
01:26:53,334 --> 01:26:55,917
The vocalist might be
my future son-in-law.

722
01:26:58,209 --> 01:27:01,001
<i>What?</i>
- Son-in-law.

723
01:27:40,376 --> 01:27:44,251
<i>Sometimes it's better to just
do things and think afterwards.</i>

724
01:27:44,376 --> 01:27:47,751
<i>Dare to screw up. Or like
our resident Kolehmainen said,</i> -

725
01:27:47,917 --> 01:27:51,376
<i>"Better to shit yourself
than to be forever constipated."</i>

726
01:27:51,501 --> 01:27:54,834
<i>We'll do some time. But
that just adds to our street cred.</i>

727
01:27:55,001 --> 01:27:58,709
<i>Pasi's pleased.
I don't know about Lotvonen.</i>

728
01:27:59,001 --> 01:28:01,459
<i>I think he'll miss his reindeers.</i>

729
01:28:01,876 --> 01:28:04,126
<i>Oula doesn't seem to mind.</i>

730
01:28:04,334 --> 01:28:07,542
<i>At least he got a break
from being locked up.</i>

731
01:28:10,334 --> 01:28:14,876
<i>But one thing all of us boys
can agree on.</i>

732
01:28:15,376 --> 01:28:17,876
<i>You'll hear from Rektum again.</i>

733
01:29:42,709 --> 01:29:45,751
Translated by Aretta Vähälä
Proofread by Rich Lyons