Thread 92: Stories 1-15

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>Luna
~~~~~~

>Computer? Little computer friend!? Return! Please return, we require assistance!... Computer? Come back, please!... Now, if thou doth not mind!... Computer!?.... Computer?

She felt deflated as she listened to nothing but static. Had she hit a button? Had a wire on this fried, and she held no way of finding out which one? Was it a malfunction? Was it something more?

She needed her, now more than ever. The finale was about to arrive, and she needed her safety net. Her campaign had been a disaster alone, but gained much prestige as it had gone on. It had worked better, smoother, had gone as she wished it too, even when it hadn't.

But now, she was alone. Now, she had nobody there to nudge any problems back into line. Now, she had to do this by herself.

She, for once, had to actually take charge.

>...this is going to be a disaster.

She also wasn't wrong.

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>Twilight
"AJ"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>So this is fun.

"Grrrr..."

>Just really enjoying this.

"Grrrr..."

>I feel like some coffee, but would that mess with the ice motif?

"Grrr..."

>Thanks a ton for being so incompetent, really helped me deal with my rage issues.

'Hey Twilight your brother just-Oh fucking WOW!'

>I know, right?

"..."

'This is literally the most pathetic thing that I have ever seen.'

"......."

'This here? This is why you suck. You former mud ponies got nothin' on the naturally magical master races, amirite Twi?'

"..."

>Hey her horn's glowing.

'Pfff, like I care, she'd probably just throw a snowbal at herself like the moron she is.'

"..."

'Gonna cry, huh? Gonna cry like a wittle baby? Or are ya gonna fuck that up too?'

>Uhhhh...Chrysalis?

"..."

'Don't stop me, I'm on a roll.'

>Chrysalis...

"Mgc mssl..."

'What was that, loser?'

"Mggic misle..."

'Can't hear yooou~'

>CHRYSALIS!

'WHAT!?'

>LOOK UP!

'Huh? OH FUCK WHAT!?'

It was a shame that for all her natural abilities, the diy succubus had taken a natural -5 to spot checks to justify her broken sheet.

She would have noticed the twenty foot tall orb of magical spite hovering over Applejack's head.

"Ah cast magic missile."
There are few things in her time in this game the Applejack could honestly call magical. Certainly her inadequacies as a mage concerning her stats had stung, her being wrapped up by her own spell doubly so. But there was one thing that can overrule even the most gimped character's flaws, a confluence of fate and chance where high above lady luck smiled.

Deep within the inner workings of the simulator, the dice subroutine registered that Applejack had rolled a natural 20.

'...shitshitshit-'

>RUUUUUUN!

And thus unleashed her fury.

"ABRA KA-FUCK ALL Y'ALL!"

KABOOM!

Slowly the vines and plants receded from her form. Allowing her to trot over to charred and twitching forms before he.

"Welp, bein' a wizard's fun an' all Twi, but Ah think Ah like bein' a barbarian more. Soooo..."

Gently she sat the staff down onto berserker, taking her foe's axe in the same movement.

"Trade ya."

With that, she trotted off.

>Owwww...this sucks...

'Succubus...needs health...badly...'

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 >Nightlight
"Velvet"
~~~~

>Honey? Ever think we should, you know, move?

"...Hell no."

>Just checking.

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 >Chrysalis
"Twilight"
~~~~~

>Ow... ow... ow... owww... ow...... ow.

"You deserved that for laying it on really thick this time."

>Says the mare in the crater right next to me.

"I stand by that she merely hit me getting to you."

>Because that's better.

"...Shut up."

>Ow... ow... ow.

"Healing items?"

>Pretty sure I just used up all of them.

"We collected a whole bag full. No other things, just healing items we didn't use."

>And now we have a bag!

"...Okay, so, I was in an unseeing haze consuming me from the inside out, making me see naught but red and hate and filling my soul with a fire that can only be quenched in blood, so I'm a little unsure why we were suddenly fighting our friends.

>Because they're on the other side.

"And? I don't know if you've noticed, we're all on the same side, we just got taken up by a hurricane. That hurricane didn't magically make us enemies."

>Wellllll, okay, it may have had something to do with me trashtalking them-

"Wish I could say I was surprised."

>-because they insulted Cadence.... a lot.

"...Come again?"

>You heard me. Loottta comments about her being incapable, so on. You know me, have to join in when barbs get thrown around, it's in my nature.

"Ah, right... of course."

>...

"...huh. So, that explains the crying comment."

>Nah, I just like making fun of her.

"Sure, sure... by the way, what were you going to say about Shiny?"

>Hm? Oh, he let Forty Two kiss Cadence, and we think it broke Luna, we haven't heard from her yet.

"...."

>...

"...."


>....

"...."


>...

"....WHAT THE FUCK!?"

>HAH! I love this game, this has been a blast.

"WHATWHATWHATWHAT"

>Can we do this every year?

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 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~

>Sooo...

"..."

>...how was it?

"You know, it was... weird."

>I would just assume that. Kind of the whole reason for all of this, yeah? Because it was so different?

"Well, yeah... but it wasn't the differentness that was weird."

>...Oh?

"Yeah! It was like... it was actually really, really familiar. It was like kissing you!"

>...s-...seriously?

"Yeah! At first, I thought it was you, but then like a second into it I was like 'no, this isn't exactly my Shiny, this is something else', but it still felt so familiar!"

>Uh... huh.

"Weird, right?'

>Super weird."

"...hey, Shiny?"

>Yeah?

"About you... you know, being okay with this..."

>Well, like I said, pretty hypocritical otherwise, and you are kinda doing this for me too...

"But about that...."

Without warning, she leaned forwards, and kissed him on the lips, lasting only a moment before pulling away.

"You're still the best."

>I'm the best because of this, or best kisser?

"Yes."

>...I'll take it.


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 >Rarity
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
~~~

>So, wait, what did we miss?

"I don't even know, Poindexter went all FWOM FWOM FWOM and then 18 ran off."

>And we didn't stop her becauuuuse?

'Because she remembered she could make you stop?'

>Oh, right...

"Why didn't she make us kill each other?"

'I think she's really off her game today or something.'

>...I'm not the only one who finds it unsettling that Chrysalis is an angel pretending to be a devil and 18 is someone who controls minds and bodies, right?

'...Yep! Pretty much just you.'

"I don't think about that kinda stuff."

'Or anything really!'

"Exactly... OH FUCK YOU!'

'WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!'

"COME BACK HERE!"

>...so are we not going to see what that was all about?

"MY HOOF! YOUR ASS! HAPPENING!"

'At least buy me a drink first!'

"NO!"

'I knew that rainbow hair said something!'

"CUT IT OUT!"

'Just be sure to not Dash off in the morning!'

"RARRRRGGGHH!'

>That's a no then...

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 >Luna
~~~~~

She was not used to being this nervous.

Before, it had been easy. Here was an idea, she told it to the computer, the computer worked out all the kinks. That was all she had to do, like punching in numbers into a calculator.

But now, here she was, bereft of any help or assistance. The biggest, most difficult part of this game was about to start. It would be the shortest one, it would be just one more really big battle, but to pull it off as she wanted was going to be quite difficult. It was going to require her getting into character a lot, not just being the one casting down orders. That... was difficult for her.

She wasn't ashamed to admit she was happy when the computer had just taken over the roles of the Ice Witch. It felt too similar, too familiar for her to really get into it. She still remembered being that character in real life, and she didn't like it.

But her sister was counting on her to end this in a good way, for everyone to have a good time, so... she would have to do it.

>...Thou thinks this over, travelers, do thou not? Thou have come far, grown strong, beaten many... but this journey is not quite at an end.

A few flicks of the switch, a button here, a magic there...

>You have forged friendships, and foes.... but neither of them shall equal what is to come next. You will have to find something... more. Inside of you, and each other, to face what is coming next.

Above them, in the sky, the steam and heat that had come off from the expulsion of the powers of fire and ice mingled, gathered, began to form and take shape. A new shape, unlike any that had come before, just above their sight in the cloud. A shape...

One as big as a mountain.

>Everything you have been before now... will come to this.

She prepared, steadied herself, and gave one last, final hope that the computer would come back online.

Alone.

Again.

...She would have to be enough.

>...The end is neigh.

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SA
"Celestia"
'Cadence'
[Twilight]
{Chrysalis}
~~~~

>...So what do you suppose she meant by that?

"With her? Who knows, she's been all over the place today."

'I think it's cute she's trying!'

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm so proud of her, but it has been pretty odd, hasn't it?"

[Well, I did kind of throw her into it...]

"That you did, but I think- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!?"

[Applejack.]

'Oh my gosh! Are you two okay!?'

{How did you miss the GIANT FIREBALL!?}

[It wasn't a fireball.]

{SAME THING!}

[Not remotely.]

{You see this shit? This is why she's mad, you're contradictory for no reason.}

"And we all slowly clap with joy, she finally figured out that word."

'Yay!'

{...}

'Oh, she was being sarcastic... booo?'

{...}

'I don't know how to salvage this...'

>I can do it for you. So! We still mad at them? This gonna be a problem?

'Nahhhhh.'

{If Caddy doesn't care, I don't care. Neither does Forty Two, because if I don't care she doesn't care.}

"Healthy relationship!"

{...}

"Point taken. So! Shiny, what's the plan?"

>Since when am I the leader?

"Since I didn't want to blame it on Cadence if this goes south. If I'm going to punish anyone with a spanking, it's going to be you."

[EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW-]

{HAH!}

>...Honey? What do you think?

'Oh, I suppose you can have a turn.'

{Also known as, 'your ass on the line now!'}

'...Maybe a little.'

>Well then, we should-

[OH DEAR SWEET CELESTIA'S CHEEKS! SPIKE! OH FUCK SPIKE!]

>...Deal with that. That is what you should deal with.

[WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP HIM!?]

>He stabbed me.

"Just fell right out of the sky and stabbed him."

{...whoops.}

>"'[...]"'

{...Sorry?}

[...One of these days, Chrysalis. One of these days.]

{...How many points was that anyway? I mean, pretty high right? I had to have cleared some airspace there. Luna? Can we get a-}

[BERSERKER RAGE ACTIVATING!]

{Retracted. Go help Lizardo.}

[...one of these daaaayyysss...]

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>Rarity
"Dash"
'Pinkie
[AJ]
~~~~~

'Ha ha! Dexterity don't fail me now!'

"Freaking bubblegum!"

>Darlings? Hello? Our lord and master has just given us a chilling prophecy, I feel that we should... hello? Hellooooo?'

'Bounce bounce!'

"RARRGGH!"

[Don't bother, they're off in their own little world.]

>Really, I always knew Dash would one day chase some Pinkie tail, but I did believe that... what on earth happened to you? And why are you holding Twilight's axe?

[It's mah' dang axe. Luna just swapped 'er out fer' that stick.]

>Ah.

[Ah' cast a magic missile, Ah' filled her little game, no need ta' hang onta' it anymore.]

>...Magic missile. The most basic, standard, uncomplicated spell in the entirety of this game.

[Ah' cast it.]

>I rather don't think that was the issue.

[Ah. Cast. It.]

>...Oh, I suppose there's no point in arguing you. So, who'd you cast it on?

[Chrysalis.]

>Fine use of that power, I admit.

[And Twilight.]

>Ah, well... I suppose she was on the other team... though I admit I don't know why, she likes us more.

[Friggen bug monster probably messed with her brain.]

'Don't be racist AJ!'

[AH' CAN CALL HER WHATEVER AH' WANT! She calls me appleass!]

"But you have apples on your ass."

[And she's a dang bug monster. Problem solved.]

>'"..."'

[What?.... WHAT!?]

>...So! Who's up for finding Spike!

'Oh, Rarity! Just admit you want the D!'

>I want the dragon.

'...'

>...

'...That's not what I-'

>I know.

'...Touche.'

[Iffin' she comes at me, punch her.]

"What, like this?"

'OW!'

"Just double checking the type you want, this?"

'OWIE! DASH STOP!'

"...Just making perfectly sure, should I twist or-"

[Stop.]

"NEVER!"

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 >Guard
"Changelings"
~~~~~

>And now the smoke monster has joined the fight.

"Just another day, eh?"

>...no! This is nothing like my days used to be! This is not normal for me!? Is this normal for you!? This is so fucking weird! Why is this happening!? Why does it keep happening!? How do I make it stop!?

"..."

>Well!?

"Well, I guess you could ask the pony with an intrinsic magic linking him to the earth and plants, or you can just talk to the pony that controls the weather, and they can move the question along to the pony who moves shit with his mind and creates fire from nothing, and then perhaps you can have that forwarded to the pony that can do all of that in addition to move a celestial body that, logically, should be many times bigger than this planet and yet they control no problem. Maybe then, this immortal star moving superbeing can somehow figure out exactly why the tiny living figurines enchanted by an unnatural force in this universe could somehow someway hack into the goddamn magic powered ROBOTS!"

>...

"Now SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THROW SOME LIGHTNING!"

>...okay....

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OOCO
>AJ
“Twi”
~~~~

>Nope.

“Oh for Celestia’s sake, why? Why not?”

>’Cause.

“…really? That’s the best answer you’ve got? Simply ‘‘cause’?”

>Ah’m a simple mare, ya get a simple answer. How that’s at all surprisin’ is anyone’s guess.

“It’s not surprising, it’s downright frustrating! Look at these sheets! Look at these pages upon pages of recorded magical usage from your past outbursts!”

>M’kay. Alls Ah’ see is a bunch of scribbles an’ numbers.

“Yes! Those scribbles and numbers are gauging your magic!”

>…M’kay?

“It’s a LOT of magic!”

>…M’kay?

“That YOU possess!”

>…M’kay? Ah’ possess a lotta apples, too. Nothin’ to go wild over.

“No-Applejack, no, this is different-it’s absurd to even compare the two! This, this right here, is showing what your magic is capable of!”

>Yer’ losin’ me, Twi’. Love ya’ tuh’ death but yer’ losin’ me.

“I… but… this is amazing. Why aren’t you amazed? Be amazed!”

>Hard tuh’ get jazzed over somethin’ ya’ can’t control or utilize properly.

“And whose fault is that?!”

>Mine.

“No, it’s yours and-wait, what?”

>Said it’s mine. ‘Cause it is.

“...Wow, was not expecting that easy admittance.”

>…

“Seriously, I’m stuck for a moment. I had this whole nagging spiel mentally lined up and you just kinda blew it the fuck out the water. Now I have to restart myself, thanks.”

>Ah’m stubborn, not in denial. Ah’ know Ah’m shirkin’ mah’ magic lessons. Ah’ know life would be easier with mah’ head full’a spells fer’ this’n that. Ah’ know, Twi’. Trust me, Ah’ know. An’ tuh’ be honest, one day? Ah’ll learn it. Ah’ll learn every single one. Every spell ya’ wanna teach me? Ah’ll take ‘em all an’ turn it towards helpin’ fix Equestria the world over. Ah’ will. It’s mah’ plan. But fer’ now?

Pausing, she leaned toward the perplexed purple science mare and, surprisingly, nuzzled her friend underneath the chin, causing her ears to flicker.

>Fer’ now, Ah’m jus’ regular ol’ AJ, princess of paperwork. Others’re growin’ now, an’ Ah’ gotta pay attention to ‘em. Then me. After they’re squared away, then me.

Almost as if activated through word alone, her horn gave a very weak sputter, a ghost of might have been, of what could have been.

>...Then me.

Then she turned and started down the hall.

Three steps later, Twilight called out.

“AJ… where’re you going?”

>Tuh’ get some apple cider cake! Spike’s bringin’ up a batch of new claims from the magistrate, which is basically a batch of new headaches, hawh. Gotta get ready, sug'.

Twilight only nodded as her friend disappeared from view.

“Yeah… have to be ready.”

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OOTC(?)
>AJ
"Chrysalis"
'???'

>...

"...okay, what?"

>Not me what, you what.

"Oh you aren't laying THIS one on me!"

>Oh really? Then tell me why one of the guards found this feller frozen solid in an ice cube when Chitty went and bucked him all the way up the moun-

"OH SHIT! THAT GUY!"

>...

"That guy! I sent him up there to...to...uhhhhh...crud, what'd I send him up there for?"

>Ya can't be serious.

"AJ, I am looking you in the eye, I seriously have no idea what I sent him to do up there. I totally forgot."

>...so ya gonna-

"Oh yeah. One defrost coming up!"

Zap!

Flop.

"...aw crud."

>Is he-?

"NO! He is not dead! Just very very drained."

>Well? Give him a hit of yer love.

"Problem. I'm kinda...low..."

>Excuse me?

"Well I was happy my guys managed to carry your guys to a victory when ole Smokey tried to step to my storytelling style that I gave them a double ration."

>Uh huh?

"I figured I'd just waltz back over to the Empire and take a hit from ye olde Bubblehorse's tap. I didn't expect you to make the Ice Ling Cometh."

>...

"So can you do me a solid here? Just give him a little kiss."

>Ah ain't doing that. I know yer tricks, he's really dead ain't he?

"AJ I'm not going to make you kiss a corpse. I wouldn't disrespect the dead like that. Either you kiss him or I transfer the love over to him and you drag me to the portal."

>There ain't a third option?

"Well you could kiss me and then I could transfer it to hi-"

>ALRIGHT AH'LL KISS THE DANG LING!

"As a certain bunch of pale annoyances would say: 'Hurrah'."

>...nngh...

"Come on, don't be a baby."

>...eeeegh...

"Just give him a peck on the cheek! It's not that hard!"

>Look ahm the one doin' this so if Ah wanna take it slow, that's mah-MMPH!

"YOWZA!"

>Mmmmmph!!

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention if we get drained enough and resucitated by non-Queen means, Changelings totally go for it."

>Glrrrrgh!

"With tongue."

>PTOOEY!

'GAAAAASP! My Queen!'

"Hey it worked."

>BLURRRRRGH!

'Whoa!'

"And your reflexes are working just fine. Nice dodge."

>Bluuuuuurgh!

'My Queen, I failed you. I succumbed to the elements! I could not accomplish my task. I did not survive to see your signal...'

"Oh so THAT'S what I was gonna do!"

'...'

"I mean, excellent work, we managed to accomplish our goal even with your noble sacrifice. Now run along to the ballroom."

>BLUUUURGH!

'Is she going to be okay?'

"Hm? Oh don't worry, I speak Vomitnese, she's wondering, and I quote: 'Why can't ah queet yew?'"

'Oh...I'm not that into you. Bye!'

Whoosh!

>BLUUUURGH!

"Oh it's good to be me sometimes. I'll send you the bill for staining these slippers I yoinked from Sunbutt's closet. Toodles!"

She traipsed away...cockiness in her every step.

Applejack vowed one day she would have revenge.

As soon as the vomiting stopped.

>BLURRRRGH!

Whichever century that turned out to be.


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>Sunset
"Spitfire"
~~~~

>...How.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW!"

>This is a bedroom.

"Yeah, no shit! This is in fact, a bedroom! Thank you soooo much for that insight! Never could I have seen it without you!"

>...Sorry.

"You should be!"

>But uh... what's with this room anyway? It's a little... uh...

"It's Two's."

>...Come again?

"Applejack Two."

>Oh, you meant the...Wait a damn minute, her name is APPLEJACK Two? I thought it was just Two!

"They used to all be named Applejack in front of their numbers, but then that whole arm breaking thing happened, you know. She wasn't keen on letting them keep that."

>So, wait... she's Applejack Two, but she's also-

"Their adopted daughter, yeah."

>...Why-

"Do not question it."

>...is... is there any chance she's Chrys-

"DO! NOT! QUESTION! THAT!"

>...

"Seriously, I do not want to know, ain't my business, fuck off with that."

>Just seems a little weird they see this changeling and are like... hey! Gonna take you home with me!

"Have you seriously not spent any time with her? She is goddamn adorable."

>Oh no no, I get it, she really is a sweetie. Gave me a Marchmalley to make me feel better, even. Just uh... still weird.

"Don't question it."

>...It's just... between her and Forty Two, and the fact Chrysalis was living here for a while before they moved over-

"Don't."

>-and ten there's Forty Two being so... you know, with the army.

"Doooon't."

>It's just-

"IMPLY that Two is some kind of agent, and I will tear your throat out and see what bleeds."

>...

"..."

>...It wouldn't be anything.

"..."

>...Not that... not that there's any reason to find out. Just an observation.

"GOOD."

>Yeah, someone would have noticed, sure. I mean, Celestia for sure would have shot her or something.

"Not like she could slip past it, they hang out all the time."

>....Her and Celestia?

"And Shining. All sorts of crazy.."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Ahem... to the office, please?

"Right."

>...This room is bigger than-

"I KNOW!"

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NC
>Faust
"Craig"

>Okay, now you're just showing off.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

>Really now? Because it appears I'm talking about you juggling the space rock containing the most dangerous creature this side of Dissy in a bad mood like it's a tennis ball.

"Ohhhh so you are. Welllll, this is definitely contributing to the safety and upkeep of our little slice of creation. As long as I'm juggling him, he can't screw around with orbits and try to slingshot his way down to...that...place."

>Beg pardon?

"Did...did we ever name the planet?"

>Of course we did, you, me, Dissy, and the other gods all got together and decided to call it...uhm...

"...well?"

>Well I definitely know our bit was Equestria. That much is certain.

"Well yeah, you'd figure that. But...did we never name the planet!?"

>...

"..."

>Let's uh...let's just say we delegated it to our wise eldest daughter and she shirked that like she did most everything.

"Works for me! Now watch me juggle with my hind legs!"

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"DT"
'Cadence'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and exhaustion kicks in!

"Who are you even talking to?"

>I'm recording lines for the future! I already set the pre-recorded stuff to play while I'm gone. Gotta plan for times when I can't be live.

'Auntie Luna's been scouting for a while. Do you think she's all right?'

>I'm sure she's fine. Luna's the guardian of dreams!

"...I think we lost Princess Cadence while walking."

>We did? Okay, don't worry we'll use the buddy system and find her again!
Hops forward.
>Since it's pitch black out here, we're going to need to...
Looks around.
>...uh oh.
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