Shorts

=========================================================================================================================


"You really can't keep making me do this, Luna."
>"Nonsense. You're stronger than that Anon."
"I'm not like you though. You're LITERALLY the Goddess of night time and shit."
>"And you're LITERALLY the coltfriend of the goddess of night time and... shit. I don't know what you expected when this started."
"You know I don't like it when you call me that."
>"Yes yes. Anonymous the human, who is my BOYfriend, not COLTfriend."
"...Ow! What was that for!? You're wings are too damn strong for you to be whacking me like that."
>"You're being- what would you say, salty. You're being salty Anonymous."
"I am not being salty! I'm just fucking tired! If you wanted me to stay up all night with you then why didn't you tell me? I could have taken a nap, then I might be able to actually enjoy this."
>"Because, you're just so adorable when you're tired. Or at least after you stop being the angsty sort of tired, and become the giggly sort of tired."
"You could have given me a few mugs of cider and we'd have reached the same conclusion you know?"
>"I do, but there's something to be said about the "all natural" way of going about things."
"Cider is natural, it comes from fruits and shit."
>"Hahaha, you know what I mean. See? You're smiling, this'll be plenty of fun."
"Don't you have work to do or something? Saving ponies from their nightmares or some shit?"
>"Have you ever noticed how often you use that word? It gets on my nerves after awhile. Mleh, I can stick my tongue out too! But yes, I do enter the dreams of stressed or emotional ponies and do my best to offer guidance. And tonight, you get to come along."
"I'm not saying I don't want to come along, but I don't know how much I'll be able to enjoy it if I can't keep my damn eyes open."
>"Oh, I think you'll get plenty of energy once you find out whose dream we're entering first, and one I think we'll be making multiple stops at."
"Whose?"
>"Your's, my sweet coltfriend."


=========================================================================================================================


"Tia, I told you to cut it out already," you try to keep your voice as calm as you can, but that's her specialty, not yours.
>"Whaaat? I'm not even touching you," Celestia whines, "You need to cheer up, Moonbutt."
"I thought I told you not to call me that!" you snap at her.
>Of course she had to pull that nickname out.
>"Well I mean you do have a moon butt," Celestia takes a long look at your rump before continuing, "Though it's definitely nowhere near as shapely as the moon. Are you eating enough?"
>Your eyes widen as you turn you back away from her so she stops assaulting you with her eyes.
"Excuse me!"
>"I'm just saying, nopony would be against it if you get a little something extra back there."
>Your eyes narrow at her as you think of the best spell to use to dismantle her.
>She gives you a sly smile, "I might even help you find a stallio-"
"Oh that's it!" You fire up your horn and shoot a blast of darkness into the room, blinding both of you.
>Not a second passes before you're immediately blinded as a blast of light shoots straight into your eyes.
>"Your petty magic is no use against the power of the sun!" Celestia screams triumphantly.
>Your eyes are continuously molested by a rapidly blinking light. You instinctively cover them with your hooves.
"Tia! Cut it out!"
>You shove your face into the ground for even more protection from Celestia's magic.
>After a few more seconds you realize there's some sort of clicking sound come from above you.
>You dispel the darkness, then look back up at Celestia.
>She's still furiously clicking a flashlight on and off, pointed it directly at your face. Except now with all the light in the room, you can stand to look at it.
>Celestia's face is one you would expect from a teenager to have after he just made a dirty joke in front of his mother.
>You frown at her as she keeps flashing you.
"I have work to do, you have fun," you say coldly, giving up.
>"Don't forget to eat lots!"


=========================================================================================================================


>"Look, Mr. Anonymous, I understand you're new here and everything, and you're probably experiencing some major culture shock. I don't know what customs humans have back in your world, but these kinds of boops are seen as a very sensual activity, reserved only for the most intimate of partne-"
>You reach out and boop her again mid sentence.
>Her eyes narrow in annoyance.
>"Sir, I'll have you know I graduated top of my R.E.G. class and have two medals for-"
>You cut her off with another boop
"Sounds like you're a pretty prestigious guard mare then, huh?"
>She continuous to be unimpressed.
>She blinks slowly at you, "This is your final warning, if you keep booping me I'm going to have to-"
>You do it again.
>She lets out a heavy sigh.
>"Why don't you just go boop some other guard mares or something? Cherry was just telling me the other day how much she wants a husbando of her own."
"Yeah but her snoot isn't as cute or boopable as yours."
>You can see her face turn the slightest shade of pink under her helmet.
>She closes her eyes and seems to give up.
>"Fine, go ahead..."

"C'mon, just one more."
>"You have been doing nothing but standing here all day!-"
"So have you."
>"Because this is my job! It's up to me to make sure the castle stays safe and secure."
"Oh, you really are one important little guard mare, aren't you."
>"You're making fun of me..."
>You catch another hint of pink in her cheeks.
>"And don't call me little! I'm very big for a mare. And n-not in a fat way!"
>You respond with another boop.
>"Fifty-four," she mutters under her breath.
"I'm hoping to get to sixty-nine before your shift is over."
>"A-Anonymous!"
"Isn't it 'Mr. Anonymous' to you?"
>She scowls, "...Yes... Mr. Anonymous."
"I was hoping you'd have fallen in love with me after ten, but it looks like you're a tough nut to crack."
>"What?! You can't just assault somepony with boops and expect them to fall in lo-"
>You boop her again.
"Maybe. But maybe you could have had me arrested after the third; so I think maybe you don't hate this as much as you're trying to make it seem."
>Her cheeks flush even more than before.
>"I-I don't know what you're talking about."
>She sounds stern, but she's unable to look you in the eyes.
>You boop her again.
"Well, either way, you gotta stop looking so adorable, or I'm going to boop you so much you'll be spoiled for life."

>"Please stop following me."
"I'm just curious what a guard mare barracks looks like."
>"If that's really the case, there are tours of old retired forts, outside the city."
"Oh that's neat. But why am I getting the feeling you just want me to leave Canterlot?"
>She doesn't answer.
>"Regardless, civilians aren't allowed inside active barracks'."
>She speeds up her pace, making you have to walk awkwardly fast to keep up.
"Yeah but you could get me in, right? Just say I'm your husbando or something and you're giving me a special look inside."
>Her face turns pink again, which makes her light purple fur look extra cute.
>"Absolutely not!"
"Aw come on-"
>"No way! For one: I'd be lying to my superiors. And two: It'd be embar-"
>She cuts herself off.
"Embarrassing?"
>"N-no! I just mean not many guard mares have husbandos; s-so it'd be weird if I showed up with one right after a shift, i-is all."
"Then I'll make you a deal: I'll wait for you out here, and after you've finished up with what you need to do, we go on a date. And we'll just put a rain check on that barracks tour."
>"What?"
"Yeah, it's perfect!"
>"Really?" her voice is so soft and timid you'd swear it's a different mare entirely.
"You've lost count, haven't you?"
>"Hu-huh?"
>You boop her again.
"Sixty-nine," you say proudly.
>Her cheeks flush once more.
>"Anonymous!" she scolds, as she quickens her pace even more.
>So much so you'd have trouble keeping up.
"I'll just wait here for you!" you call after her, "And it's still 'Mr. Anonymous' until you say yes!"

"Why hello there, Boopie McBooples."
>"Please don't call me that."
"Why not? I think it's a great name. And besides, for all the time we've been together, it's weird I still don't know your name."
>"The only time we've been together were the hours you spent harassing me while I was trying to do my job."
"Yet, here you are."
>That makes her look down at her hooves as she shuffles them nervously.
>"...Yeah, here I am..."
>You can't help but smile down at her.
"So, that means you can call me Anonymous. or Anon, whichever you prefer."
>"I'm S-Steely Marshal."
"Steely," you say to yourself, "Pretty."
>She gets even more nervous at the compliment.
>A kind of nervousness that warms your heart like a bonfire, and all you can think about is throwing gasoline on it.
"A pretty name for a pretty mare."
>"S-s-so what did you want me to meet you here for?"
"A date, remember? If your're willing, I'd love to spend some time to get to know you a little better."
>"I'm willing."
>You can't say for sure, but you suspect Steely lacks confidence when she isn't padded up in her armor.
>Then again, maybe it's just the current circumstance.
>You crouch, getting eye level with her.
"New to this?" you say, dropping your regular playful tone to adopt a much more comforting one.
>And just as you hoped, she opens right up for it.
>"It's just... -I thought all humans were already supposed to have their waifus."
"I did. But let's just say I'm in need of a new one."
>You can tell she wants to press you for more.
"So that's why I couldn't help but boop your snoot when I saw you."
>"Me? A w-waifu? Your waifu?"
"That's probably a bit much huh? Let's at least go on one date, then we can go from there."
>"No!-I-I mean... I like the thought of being a waifu. Your waifu."


=========================================================================================================================