letterman

ALAN KALTER: From New York, the greatest city in the world, it's The Late Show, with David Letterman!

Tonight, Janet Jackson! Enrique Iglesias! And Late Show Olympic Update!

Plus, Paul Shaffer and The CBS Orchestra!

And now, iconoclastic billionaire, David Letterman!

DAVID LETTERMAN: How do you do? Thank you! All right! Thank you very much! Let me get this thing...

Good evening! Welcome to CBS, the downhill network!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hey, you know what? Here is a good time! It's Fashion Week in New York City! Excited? Oh, you can't...My God, fashion week! Forget about it!

And you know, Puff Daddy, Puff Daddy is a clothing designer and he has a line of clothing. And they have the big "Puff Daddy Show", the Fashion Week Puff Daddy...

It went pretty well! Only three people were shot! I thought...

DAVID LETTERMAN: But the Puff Daddy stuff look so great! And it's so popular, that Wynonna Ryder has already shop-lifted three outfits! Already!

And yesterday was the beginning of the Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, down at Madison Square Garden. A huge annual event!

But there's already been some controversy! They disqualified a Yorkshire terrier, when they found out it was just a blow-dried rat!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Huh? Opens tonight! Yes, that's right!
You folks have been watching the Olympics? Did you spend the weekend watching...?

President Bush was watching the Olympics all weekend! And his wife was feeding him pretzels straight from the blender!

And my mom, God Bless my mom...Of course, mom's out there in Utah at the winter Olympics. She's very, very busy now: She's been selling clean urine to the Germans!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Mom! Hehehe! Are you folks enjoying the big Enron Scandal? How many of you are getting a kick out of the...?

I thought this was kind of interesting. You see this a lot. Whenever there's trouble, people go right to Church. And over the weekend, the former CEO of Enron, Kenneth Lay shows up in Church.

Church officials are still looking for the collection plate. They haven't...they don't...they can't...

Is he? Yes! Paul Shaffer, everybody!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: There he is! Paul Shaffer, everybody! And Felicia Shaffer and the Paul and Felicia...And The CBS Orchestra!

Man, what a television program we have for you folks tonight! Janet Jackson is here tonight on the show!

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh!!! Yes!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Enrique Iglesias!

DAVID LETTERMAN:

PAUL SHAFFER: Enrique!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Enrique!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ah!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I want to tell you, I was...Oh! By the way, we have somebody...I have a special guest in the studio audience.

I love it when this happens! Because it reminds me of old-fashioned, old-time show business, when a celebrity, or one of the top stars, drops in just to say hello!

PAUL SHAFFER: That's wonderful!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And here tonight, do me a favor, ladies and gentlemen, we may be able to get him to stand up and take a bow, make him feel at home.

Put your hands together, say hello to former Enron CEO, Kenneth Lay!

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh!

DAVID LETTERMAN: There he is, right there!

[A MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE SITS UP AND BOWS - SCREEN READS: KENNETH LAY - FORMER ENRON CEO].

DAVID LETTERMAN: Kenneth, Kenny-Boy Lay!!!

PAUL SHAFFER: That's show-biz! Wow! Man, that's show-biz! Yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I was talking to the audience before this show about the Olympics. The Olympics are very exciting! You forget how exciting the Olympics are!

Because you know, we get blaze', because we just had the Superbowl. And then, we had the summer Olympics like, a year and a half ago.

And you think " Oh! Here come the Olympics again!"

DAVID LETTERMAN: But, by God! When they're suddenly "Wham-o! There they are!" they're exciting!

And I was watching the...You probably don't know this about me, but I'm not a guy who goes much for pageantry.

PAUL SHAFFER: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I just never had a feel, or a taste for pageantry.

PAUL SHAFFER: pageantry!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Especially symbolic pageantry! I just thought, oh, you know, that's not for me. To me pageantry is like a stationery parade. You know?

At least with the parade, you've got stuff going by! But when, when it's pageantry, it's just sort of there and then it comes and then it goes and that's it!

So now, I'm watching the...I turned on the opening ceremonies and my God! Congratulations to those folks! What a wonderful display, that thing!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they had...My favorite...I don't know if you...They had, like, the child of light! Did you see the child of light? How many of you saw the child of light?

So they've got the child of light and he's got like, a lantern. And he's skating around; he's just skating to beat...You know, he's just scared and...

And then, so the child of light is skating. And then, Satan comes out! And then, for like the next twenty minutes, the poor kid - and he's only like eleven, or something - they got, they got Satan chasing the child of light!

And finally - thank God! - like about eight or ten more men come down out of the stand.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they take shovels and they beat Satan to death with snow shovels!

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh yeah, yeah! It was tragedy!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I was so happy to see that!

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And you know...Because NBC owns the Olympics, you can't get any videotape, you can't get any access, you can't get anywhere near the Olympics if you're not NBC.

And I understand this, from a business, or as we say on the street "bitnes" standpoint.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Because they spent like, a billion dollars! They spent a billion dollars on the Olympics!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: So they want, they want to protect that! And that makes sense to me. Now, we were doing what we can to cover. You know, CBS is not even allowed in the State of Utah.

So, we have Stephanie, one of my assistants. She's out there and we're doing the best we can to bring you all of the excitement and all of the activity and all of the sports thing...

PAUL SHAFFER: Yeah.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hahaha! I just, I couldn't...

PAUL SHAFFER: Nicely said! No!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I couldn't think of a word...

PAUL SHAFFER: Yeah!

DAVID LETTERMAN: So I thought maybe something, but it didn't follow...

PAUL SHAFFER: Didn't come out!

DAVID LETTERMAN: So we have her on the satellite. And we're going to see her in a minute here. And there's a delay.

Because I'll say something and then we'll have to sit quietly. And then we'll have to wait for it to get all the way to Utah. And then Stephanie will say something and then again we have to wait for it to get back here.

PAUL SHAFFER: Right.

DAVID LETTERMAN: So it's going to be a little awkward. But I, my hand to God, ladies and gentlemen, we're doing what we can to bring you all of the thrills and spills and excitement of the Winter Olympics out there!

DAVID LETTERMAN: It was so exciting when the announcer said "Here comes the child of light!" And he just skated like a band and everyone...

And then, the next thing you know, Satan's chasing him!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: So we're going to show you now...Speaking of the Olympics, we're going to show you, this is like a day-in-the-life, this is a timeline.

PAUL SHAFFER: Ah! Okay.

DAVID LETTERMAN: This is an Olympic timeline, to give you the idea of the activities and how they are juxtaposed along this twenty-four hour timeline. Paul, take it away! Here we go!

[SCREEN READS: LATE SHOW PRESENTS OLYMPIC TIMELINE]

DAVID LETTERMAN: What?

PAUL SHAFFER: Don't...don't look too closely! Don't examine things too closely!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I'll tell you something else I like on the Olympics. It's the female speed skaters!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Oh, man! They're just unbelievable! And they're just gold!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yeah!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I mean, it's crazy how fast they skate. And they have those really, those suits ,that are very...

PAUL SHAFFER: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I bet they're hard to get in and out of!

PAUL SHAFFER: I'm sure! Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Uh, okay. This is the Olympic timeline. And already, the United States have won some medals. And I think Stephanie will be interviewing a silver medalist, Shannon Bahrke.

PAUL SHAFFER: Great! Oh, great!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And the, the...

PAUL SHAFFER: Great!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Uh, Saturday, 10:00 a.m. - Over-eager security personnel wrestle Biathlete to the ground and confiscate his riffle!

How did Satan get all of the pairs of skates? That's what I don't understand?

PAUL SHAFFER: I don't know! In Utah, I don't know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yeah.

PAUL SHAFFER: I don't know.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, he don't live in Utah; he's from out of state!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yeah, out of state!

DAVID LETTERMAN: He ain't, he ain't Utah-an!
Uh, Saturday, 12:30 p.m. -- Cross-country skiers finish in record time, after being chased by Mormon Missionaries!

See? There it is, again!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Saturday, 3:00 p.m -- Award Ceremony postponed, after discovering Enron executive stole the medals!

Those bastards! They stole the medals!

PAUL SHAFFER: Unbelievable!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yeah, that guy!
I like, I like watching that Olympic coverage! They used to have them here at CBS, for a long time.

PAUL SHAFFER: A long time, yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes, we had them for quite a while.

PAUL SHAFFER: Well...

DAVID LETTERMAN: We don't have them anymore.

PAUL SHAFFER: We don't, no.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Oh, it was, it was so silly! I was dialing around, like Saturday, or Sunday, the Olympics.

And I come along ESPN. And there's this big opening. And it's got guys in here that are there and they are introducing them. And it's like, "This one" and "That one".

And it was...it was bowling!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, they're trying!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes, we do what we can, here!

DAVID LETTERMAN: They were out there, giving it a shot!

PAUL SHAFFER: Whatever we can do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Saturday, 4:15 p.m. -- Nepal's hopes of medaling are dashed, when their only athlete oversleeps!

There he is! The Nepal medalist dozing off and is sleeping!

Saturday 8:00 p.m. -- Canadian Athlete Jason St. Claire, wins the gold in freestyle shoveling! There he goes!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes! You'd think it's easy!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Mm?

PAUL SHAFFER: That's not easy!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I'd like to be out there! It looks like they're having fun!

PAUL SHAFFER: I know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Doesn't it look like they're having fun?

PAUL SHAFFER: Stephanie is out there!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes, Stephanie is out there. And then, you see a torch? I mean, it's not just a torch!

It's a tower, it's a flaming tower! It's a tower of fire!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yup!

DAVID LETTERMAN: It's a flaming...

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes. Well, yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: It's a flaming Olympic...

PAUL SHAFFER: Flaming tower of fire!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Exactly!
Uh, Sunday, 1:00 p.m. -- Curling Event cancelled when teams admit they're not really sure how the game is played!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ahhh!!! Ahahaha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: They have no idea!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ah!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I don't remember the speed-skaters looking that way. Because, remember Bonnie Blair?

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh, sure!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Just fine! Everything was great! Bonnie Blair had won like, a hundred medals. And was just terrific and wonderful. And now, I mean...Whoa!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes! Whoa! Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I, I don't think we needed that, Paul!

PAUL SHAFFER: Well, I'm just I'm...bowling!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I think that...haha! Haaa!!!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ha-ha! I...

DAVID LETTERMAN: They're Olympians! They're Olympians, for God's shake!

PAUL SHAFFER: I was just...Of course they are! You've always liked fast women! I've always known that! That's you!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Sunday, 2:30 p.m. -- First Heat in the four man Bobsled won by a local Utah man and his three wives!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ahhhh!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Boy! The Mormons are the people to beat here tonight, aren't they?
Uh, Sunday, 4:00 p.m. -- Olympic Snowboarder Mike Baker, receives a perfect score of "Dude, that was sick"!

Then, an American won a gold medal in the snowboard, right? Kelly Clark?

PAUL SHAFFER: Excellent, yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Congratulations! She's going to be on this show! She'll be on this show, Wednesday!

PAUL SHAFFER: Really?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes! We had a little dust-up over Kelly Clark, because we wanted to interview her and NBC said "Well, no!"

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then they said "If you want to interview Kelly Clark..." - like they have some control over whom we interview!

PAUL SHAFFER: Right!

DAVID LETTERMAN: They said "If you...then, we'll have you thrown out of the Olympic site".

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh! Yes...

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, we're not even on the Olympic site! We're on...We're in Wyoming, for God's shakes!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes, that's what I was going to say! We're out of town! Out of state!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Let me tell you! I like to think that the Olympics are bigger than one network!

PAUL SHAFFER: I would think!

DAVID LETTERMAN: You would think?

PAUL SHAFFER: I would think so, yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I would think too! It's like, for humanity! It's a big...everybody...

PAUL SHAFFER: Of course!

DAVID LETTERMAN: For sports damn items, or whatever that means!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ahh!!! Damn things, yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Sunday, 4:30 p.m. -- Due to Global warming, forces regrettably switch to Summer Olympics!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ahh!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Sunday, 9:30 p.m. -- During her shift at Denny's, Tonya Harding whacks knee of cranky customer! There you go! That's the thing!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Stand in the line...

PAUL SHAFFER: And you'll have an Olympic time!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Have an Olympic time!

PAUL SHAFFER: Timeline!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Janet Jackson, Enrique Iglesias and our first report with Stephanie from the Winter Olympics out there in Salt Lake City!

We'll be right back, everybody!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

DAVID LETTERMAN: Stand in the line...

PAUL SHAFFER: And you'll have an Olympic time!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Have an Olympic time!

PAUL SHAFFER: Timeline!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Janet Jackson, Enrique Iglesias and our first report with Stephanie from the Winter Olympics out there in Salt Lake City!

We'll be right back, everybody!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

DAVID LETTERMAN: This is going to be good! Thank you very much, kids! Janet Jackson is here! Enrique Iglesias is also on the program!

Now let me, let me explain this to you! The CBS doesn't have the Olympics, NBC has the Olympics. Listen to this: They got them for the Summer of 2004 - this is NBC - they got them the Winter of 2006 and they've got them for the summer of 2008!

PAUL SHAFFER: Really?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes. And before that, they paid 2.3 billion dollars, for the next three Olympic games. 2.3 billion dollars!

PAUL SHAFFER: Who-wee! Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: They're not going to let us anywhere near "their" Olympics. (...whose?).

PAUL SHAFFER: No.

DAVID LETTERMAN: It's now "The NBC Olympics".

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: The peacock has replaced the rings.

PAUL SHAFFER: Ah!

DAVID LETTERMAN: So... But here, to give you an idea what we're up against...And normally, we would be sending my mother, but we can't afford mom!

PAUL SHAFFER: No!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Here's, now here's Salt Lake City. That's where all, that's where everything...That's the action, that's where you want to be.

PAUL SHAFFER: Right.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And how many times have you been able to say that about Salt Lake City?

PAUL SHAFFER: Well...

DAVID LETTERMAN: But it's...it's true now! This is, this is where you want to be. Here's where we are. That's about a six-hour bus ride.

PAUL SHAFFER: Park City!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes! You've got to go through Holiday and then you've got to get through Murray, then you've got to get into the big city named Salt Lake City!

So we are working with just a miserable handicap!

DAVID LETTERMAN: But I want to tell you something! This will not, for a second, spoil our Olympic fun, ladies and gentlemen!

"If you try to talk, we'll have you thrown off the Olympic site!" So what we're going to do now - I've got a bunch of questions for Stephanie.

We're going to turn on the satellite, we're going to go live...I guess it's Park City, Utah and there's going to be a delay. So, bare with me, Paul and don't make fun of me when I start, you know, talking over the delay...

PAUL SHAFFER: No!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Here...

PAUL SHAFFER: Why would I? Why would I?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, that's just the kind of guy you are!

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh, come on!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hihihihi!!!

PAUL SHAFFER: No, no!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hiihihi!

PAUL SHAFFER: You won't hear that! You will not hear that! You will not hear that!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Here we go! Turn on the satellite! Let's go live from Park City, Utah!

[SCREEN READS: LATE SHOW OLYMPIC UPDATE - PARK CITY, UTAH].

DAVID LETTERMAN: Wow! Look at that! My God, it's beautiful! Hi Stephanie, how are you?

STEPHANIE: I'm pretty good!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Now Stephanie, did they explain to you that there is kind of a delay on the satellite deal?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Don't be alarmed by the delay, all right?

STEPHANIE: Okay!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Hahaha! Kind of like talking to her in person!

PAUL SHAFFER: Aaahhh!!! Uh-ahhh!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: You know, it's just a joke! We're just kidding around!

PAUL SHAFFER: Ahhh!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: We're trying to have a good time, you know?

STEPHANIE: Okay.

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right. Now, listen, I've got a lot of questions for you. I was watching the...by the way, are you having fun?

STEPHANIE: Yes, I'm having fun!

DAVID LETTERMAN: It looks, it looks beautiful there! What's the temperature?

STEPHANIE: Well, I don't...It's pretty nice in the sun! I would guess maybe it's in the twenties?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Uh-huh. Okay, good. Now, Stephanie, the other night I was watching the figure skaters, the boy-girl figure skaters. The pair and the short program, or something... I don't know know that much about figure skating, you know?

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they had the Canadian team. And the Canadian team is skating. And they're very confident, they're like the world champions.

And they're skating...it's cocky! You can tell that they know that they're really good. And they skate a flawless program...

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then at the end, at the end when they've got to strike that dramatic pause, they both fall over!

STEPHANIE: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they said, they said in the competition, this will not count against them!

Now, my question is, why doesn't that count against them? They fell over, for God's shakes! Why wouldn't that count against them?

STEPHANIE: I don't know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Can you look that up for me?

STEPHANIE: I just...I'll see what I can do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! And what about that medals

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then at the end, at the end when they've got to strike that dramatic pause, they both fall over!

STEPHANIE: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they said, they said in the competition, this will not count against them!

Now, my question is, why doesn't that count against them? They fell over, for God's shakes! Why wouldn't that count against them?

STEPHANIE: I don't know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Can you look that up for me?

STEPHANIE: I just...I'll see what I can do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! And what about that medals

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then at the end, at the end when they've got to strike that dramatic pause, they both fall over!

STEPHANIE: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they said, they said in the competition, this will not count against them!

Now, my question is, why doesn't that count against them? They fell over, for God's shakes! Why wouldn't that count against them?

STEPHANIE: I don't know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Can you look that up for me?

STEPHANIE: I just...I'll see what I can do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! And what about that medals

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then at the end, at the end when they've got to strike that dramatic pause, they both fall over!

STEPHANIE: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they said, they said in the competition, this will not count against them!

Now, my question is, why doesn't that count against them? They fell over, for God's shakes! Why wouldn't that count against them?

STEPHANIE: I don't know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Can you look that up for me?

STEPHANIE: I just...I'll see what I can do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! And what about that medals

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then at the end, at the end when they've got to strike that dramatic pause, they both fall over!

STEPHANIE: Haha!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And they said, they said in the competition, this will not count against them!

Now, my question is, why doesn't that count against them? They fell over, for God's shakes! Why wouldn't that count against them?

STEPHANIE: I don't know!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Can you look that up for me?

STEPHANIE: I just...I'll see what I can do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! And what about that medals venue? Have you been over to the medals venue?

STEPHANIE: No, not yet!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay. Have you seen the giant torch?

STEPHANIE: No! I've been looking for it everywhere!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hahahaha! Well, you see? It's exactly what we're up against!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And have you been meeting some of the athletes?

STEPHANIE: Yes, I've met a couple of the athletes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And are people nice to you?

STEPHANIE: Yes, some of the people are really nice. Some of them aren't so nice.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Uh-huh. Well, why do you think that is?

STEPHANIE: Because we're from CBS!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hahaha! Okay now! Now, Stephanie, I understand here you have three bits of videotape you're going to show us tonight.

STEPHANIE: Right.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And I guess the first one, the first one is the Opening Ceremonies'?

STEPHANIE: Yes, me watching the opening ceremony.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay. So that'll be, that's the first videotape. Here now, Stephanie watching the opening Ceremonies. Roll it!

[VIDEO CLIP]

STEPHANIE: Here are my pictures of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Now, we didn't actually go to Utah, but here I am with Bob Costas and Kate Couric!

Here's where we ordered some food. We were very hungry. We got a lot of food!

STEPHANIE: Here's the food!
And here, the girls and I decide to light our own Olympic Torch, in my house...

That's me, feeding president Bush a pretzel. Then I just gave up and played Playstation for the rest of the night!

DAVID LETTERMAN: You weren't in Utah for the Opening Ceremonies, but you're there now, right?

STEPHANIE: No!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay, now the second tape...

STEPHANIE: Yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: The second tape...The second tape is, you interviewed one of the medal winners, right? She was the first American woman to win a medal. Do I have that correct?

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And she won a silver medal?

STEPHANIE: Yes, she won a silver medal.

DAVID LETTERMAN: In what event was that?

STEPHANIE: Uh, freestyle moguls.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes. Yes, how do they do that? Isn't that, like, impossible?

STEPHANIE: I don't know! Yeah?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yeah! It's crazy! All right! So, you talked with Shannon Bahrke and let's take a look at that now.

STEPHANIE: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Here we go! Stephanie talking to Shannon.

[VIDEO CLIP]

STEPHANIE: So, is this like the coolest thing that's ever happened to you?

SHANNON BAHRKE: Um, yeah! Yes, pretty much! I think this whole experience has been really cool!

The day before, on the Opening Ceremonies, I got my picture taken with Cal Ripken Jr. And then, Lance Armstrong, who's like, the epitome of all athletes I'd love to be...

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

SHANNON BAHRKE: And the president!

STEPHANIE: I can beat you! Can I give you a picture?

SHANNON BAHRKE: Yes!

STEPHANIE: That's me and Mary and Elliot from "Thirty-something".

SHANNON BAHRKE: And the president!

STEPHANIE: I can beat you! Can I give you a picture?

SHANNON BAHRKE: Yes!

STEPHANIE: That's me and Mary and Elliot from "Thirty-something". You haven't seen any monkeys anywhere around here, have you?

SHANNON BAHRKE: No! But I did see monkeys in Japan!

STEPHANIE: Really?

SHANNON BAHRKE: I saw snow monkeys!

STEPHANIE: Did you touch them?

SHANNON BAHRKE: Yes!

STEPHANIE: I know you won the medal, but I think the most exciting thing, is you got to touch the monkey!

SHANNON BAHRKE: Yes! That was really cool!

STEPHANIE: And you've never met Rod Stewart, or you have?

SHANNON BAHRKE: No, no!
Oh!

STEPHANIE: Yes? You know, I've met Dave Grohl!

SHANNON BAHRKE: The...what?

STEPHANIE: Dave Grohl! The lead singer of the Foo Fighters! And he did sing "Hot Legs" with me!

[SCREEN SHOWS SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE DAVE GROHL SINGING "HOT LEGS" WITH HER].

STEPHANIE: Still in school, I love ya honey!

DAVE GROHL/LOOKALIKE: Uh-uh-huh-uh-huh!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Wow! That's something! All right! Now, there's one, one piece of videotape left! What is this final tape of, Stephanie?

STEPHANIE: Oh, I think this is when I went to Arby's.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Is this "Arby's", right there in Park City, is that where you are?

STEPHANIE: Yes, right near my hotel!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okay! Here we are! Stephanie now, in Arby's! There, in Park City!

[VIDEO CLIP]

STEPHANIE: So now I'm at "Arby's" and I'm going to order some food!

EMPLOYEE: Hi!

STEPHANIE: Hi! Can I get a big roast-beef, with...

EMPLOYEE: A small, or a giant?

STEPHANIE: I'll have a giant. But I want Cheddar on it, but I don't want that red sauce.

EMPLOYEE: Okay.

STEPHANIE: Okay. And regular fries, not the curly fries.

EMPLOYEE: Okay.

STEPHANIE: Did you see that guy's hair?

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! Okay! That's pretty good! Nice job, Stephanie!

STEPHANIE: Thanks!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And your, your're very busy taking us around, showing us the sites and interviewing athletes and stuff?

STEPHANIE: Yes! Yes, it's fun!

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right! Well, good luck, keep up the good work, we'll talk with you soon!

STEPHANIE: Thanks!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Thank you very much!

STEPHANIE: Okay!

DAVID LETTERMAN: There she is! Stephanie Birkitt, ladies and gentlemen! All the way from Park City, Utah, live, here on CBS channel!

Well, there you go! I thought that was pretty good, don't you?

PAUL SHAFFER: A total coverage, yes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: We'll be right back with Janet Jackson, everybody!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

DAVID LETTERMAN: Thank you, Paul! It's...Honest, I've to tell you something! It is freezing cold in here! Aren't you freezing?

PAUL SHAFFER: Haha! You're cold?

DAVID LETTERMAN: What is the problem?

PAUL SHAFFER: Get out of here!

DAVID LETTERMAN: No, honest to God! It's like, fifteen degrees in here!

PAUL SHAFFER: Get out of here!

DAVID LETTERMAN: It's just never been colder than this!

PAUL SHAFFER: Really?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes! Don't you think it's just God-awful tonight?

PAUL SHAFFER: I don't feel it anymore!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hahahaha!!! Oh yeah, you have the radiant heat-lamp!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yeah, whatever, what happens with that?

DAVID LETTERMAN: The radiant heat-lamp!

PAUL SHAFFER: Don't look at things too closely!

DAVID LETTERMAN: That's right!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Our first guest, is a four times GRAMMY Award Winner and she's sold more than fifty five million albums.

This Sunday, she'll be performing on an HBO special entitled "Janet Jackson - in Concert from Hawaii".

Here she is, the lovely Janet Jackson!

[JANET JACKSON ENTERS THE SET]

DAVID LETTERMAN: How are you?

JANET JACKSON: I'm very well, thank you! I have a message for Paul!

DAVID LETTERMAN: This'll be good! You've got a message for Paul?

JANET JACKSON: Yes. Jimmy told me to tell you hello!

PAUL SHAFFER: Hey, give him my best! Jimmy Jamm!

JANET JACKSON: Yes!

PAUL SHAFFER: She's talking about Jimmy Jamm!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Right! Of course!

PAUL SHAFFER: Yes! He's with Terry! You know! Give him my love!

JANET JACKSON: I will!

DAVID LETTERMAN: You look wonderful!

JANET JACKSON: Oh, thank you!

DAVID LETTERMAN: How are you?

JANET JACKSON: I'm very well, thanks!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And you've just been...Are you done touring, you are about finished touring?

JANET JACKSON: This is the last show!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Uh-huh!

JANET JACKSON: The Hawaii show.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Oh, my God! How long were you gone?

JANET JACKSON: Um...Oh, that's horrible! I don't know! Maybe...it wasn't that long this time! It was about eight months? Seven months, something like that.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Uh-huh.

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Do you need help with the zipper?

DAVID LETTERMAN: My Goodness! Now, when you go out on a tour like that, do you ever get a chance to come home, or are you just gone the whole time?

JANET JACKSON: ...hahaha! I come home.

DAVID LETTERMAN: You come home, periodically. Yes?

JANET JACKSON: Yes. We have a few breaks.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Great, that's good! I would think ...Otherwise, it would just be debilitating! It would be impossible! To be out, entertaining and...The logistics of it!

JANET JACKSON: Your eyes! Your eyes!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, what do you want me to look? I'm sorry, I don't know what to say!

JANET JACKSON: But I love how you just continue to do it, even knowing that...

DAVID LETTERMAN: But, believe me, I'm not really doing it! I'm just talking, but I have no idea what I'm saying! Do you understand?

JANET JACKSON: I...I think I kind of. See? There you go again!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I...

PAUL SHAFFER: Aahhh!!!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I, but I mean, you've - Wooow!!!

JANET JACKSON: I'm just trying to break the ice here! But look now, you're, you're embarrassing me!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I'm embarrassing you? I'm sorry!

JANET JACKSON: No, no!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I shouldn't have worn the outfit!

JANET JACKSON: Haha! No, it is not...

DAVID LETTERMAN: Huh? Okay! Yes, look right in your eyes! I'm sorry! If that was coarse, forgive me! I'm sorry!

JANET JACKSON: No, no! It's...

DAVID LETTERMAN: But I've got to tell you something. I'm fifty-four and stuff like this don't come my way that often!

DAVID LETTERMAN: You know what I'm saying? Hahahaha!!! Uh...let's talk about other things, shall we?

You...Hey! You know, your brother, Michael Jackson, they had that show, the big twentieth anniversary, The Jackson Family Reunion thing?

It was right here, on CBS. It was incredible! It was enormous! It was hugely successful!

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes. Now, where you part of that as well?

JANET JACKSON: Oh, no!

DAVID LETTERMAN: No! But in they wanted you to be part of that, right?

JANET JACKSON: He did! Yes, he did!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes.

JANET JACKSON: But unfortunately, I had a show.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm. So you were busy?

JANET JACKSON: That's why I couldn't, yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm. So, were you the only one not present, or was...?

JANET JACKSON: I was the only one not present. My entire family was there.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Now, would you ever do a big show, where you're all together?

JANET JACKSON: I don't know! No one's ever really brought it up. Um, it would be fun, but I don't know. It's kind of tough, getting us all together at the same time!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes. Because everybody's busy, everybody's got stuff they're doing here...

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then there's something they're doing there...

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And it's hard to get them all together...Yes.

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And...how often do you talk to Michael? Like, every month, once a week, do you...?

JANET JACKSON: Mmm...I don't know! Once every...I don't know! A few weeks? I just spoke to him a few weeks ago, actually.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And is he doing all right?

JANET JACKSON: He's very well, thanks.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And do you keep in touch with the rest of your family?

JANET JACKSON: Yes, I do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Would you describe the Jacksons as a close-knit family unit?

JANET JACKSON: Um, I wish we were closer than what we truly are. We don't get together the way we used to.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Mm, right.

JANET JACKSON: But we call.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes.

JANET JACKSON: We try to keep in touch. My mother's like the episome, I would say. She...

DAVID LETTERMAN: Kind of holds everything together?

JANET JACKSON: Yes! Everyone calls her.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Good. Good! And you were, I was reading...You were doing a show, I think out in Long Island and somebody busted into a thing and swiped some stuff?

JANET JACKSON: Yes, I've heard a few stories! I heard they were trying to take some of the wardrobe; I heard they were trying to take my underwear...

DAVID LETTERMAN: Ha!

JANET JACKSON: What is wrong with people?

JANET JACKSON: But I, I think they were just stealing some toys that...

DAVID LETTERMAN: That's what you don't like to encourage! That's silly, isn't it? It's not good!

JANET JACKSON: Well no.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes.

JANET JACKSON: It's not good.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Haha! Have you been enjoying the Olympics? Do you like watching it?

JANET JACKSON: I feel so badly! I've been so busy, I haven't seen anything.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes. Well, I think there's still, they've got two more weeks of them. You've got plenty of time to get sick of them, don't worry!

JANET JACKSON: I like the snowboarding!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes, it's crazy, isn't it? They do amazing, unbelievable things!

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Why, there's just on a board and they go...just going nuts!

JANET JACKSON: It's fun!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Do you ski?

JANET JACKSON: Snowboard!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes you...you actually do that?

JANET JACKSON: Yes! I mean, I'm not as, nearly as, nearly as...But I'm still at the beginning. Do you? Have you?

DAVID LETTERMAN: No! No, no! I don't leave the house! Hahaha! Look...

And then, the big show in Hawaii, now, what is that? Have you taped it, is it live? What is it?

JANET JACKSON: No, it's...We're going to do it.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm.

JANET JACKSON: And for HBO. Live concert.

DAVID LETTERMAN: All right then. And what would people, dialing up, what will they see? What's it going to be there?

JANET JACKSON: They'll see the show.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm.

JANET JACKSON: The show that we toured. Hehe! With a few little...Ahahaha! Hehe! A few extra things!

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm. A few extra things?

Now, when you, when you do the live stage show like that, how many songs do you usually do? Is it like, fifteen to twenty? In that range?

JANET JACKSON: No, it's more than that!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Really?

JANET JACKSON: Especially if you do medleys! I don't know how many songs I've put together for this set-list this time. I think it was thirty-something? Or twenty seven, or something like that.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And every night! That's a lot of work, isn't it?

JANET JACKSON: It's about two hours.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And then you change the order of the songs every night, or is it pretty much it's got to be the same?

JANET JACKSON: No. Um...It's, for the most part, I like to keep it the same. There are certain parts of the show, where you can actually, you know, have the freedom to be a little looser with that.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm, right.

JANET JACKSON: But I like to, for the most part, keep it the same.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And do you have a large band? How many people in the band?

JANET JACKSON: Oh, my God! You would ask me this question. How many are there? I think there are seven-eight. I can't remember. I apologize for that!

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm. But...it's nice, horns, do you have horns?

JANET JACKSON: [SHOWS ONE].

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hehe! I don't know! I thought I'd...Uh, so now, what will you do right after the show? Do you have plans? Are you going out, or...?

JANET JACKSON: After the...?

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes, tonight, tonight.

JANET JACKSON: Oh! Um, yes, I actually do have plans.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well...None of my business. And without naming names, what would you be doing?

JANET JACKSON: Um...I'm...Wait! A friend is going to come over and visit.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm.

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: And go out to dinner, maybe?

JANET JACKSON: No.

DAVID LETTERMAN: So it's kind of a stay-in friend.

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: How are you? Are you all right?

JANET JACKSON: I'm good! How are you?

DAVID LETTERMAN: I'm fine, thank you! Anything you'd like to ask me? Hehehe! Uhh...It's, it's fun to have you on the show! And you're not singing tonight, are you?

JANET JACKSON: No.

DAVID LETTERMAN: No. Hey, you know who is here? Enrique Iglesias!

JANET JACKSON: Yes! I knew that!

DAVID LETTERMAN: And do you like Enrique? Do you like him?

JANET JACKSON: Yes. I think he's very talented.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Who else do you like in music?

JANET JACKSON: Right now, I'm really listening to a lot of Glenn Lewis.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm.

JANET JACKSON: He's a new artist from Canada.

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm. I don't...

JANET JACKSON: His album's not out yet.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Not out yet?

JANET JACKSON: His single is out. And I actually got a copy of his album and I absolutely love it. I can't stop hearing it!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes, good, that's good. That's good, that's good.

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Paul?

PAUL SHAFFER: Dave has horns in his band!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hahahahaha!!! Uh...Well, here is the, this is live. This is the HBO thing right there, we've a copy of that.

Now, that'll be crazy, won't it? That'll be...And what will people see extra? What are people...You say extras. What are people going to get, that we haven't seen here tonight? You know?

JANET JACKSON: There's, there's actually...Oh, Goodness! There's a little more, I suppose!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes.

JANET JACKSON: You know, it's...You guys are bad!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yeah!

JANET JACKSON: Um, you know, everyone always sees the show. You know, that you put on. It's, it's, also, I've always thought there was an amazing show backstage!

DAVID LETTERMAN: M-hmm.

JANET JACKSON: There's a lot that goes on. It's very hectic.

DAVID LETTERMAN: So we get to see some of that?

JANET JACKSON: Yes, yes. I think you guys are going to follow me into my quick-change.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Quick-change?

JANET JACKSON: Yes.

DAVID LETTERMAN: So, so you go on stage and...I know how this works! Because everything you wear is like, Velcro and it tears off readily, right?

JANET JACKSON: Yes! It comes off and...

DAVID LETTERMAN: And you have a team of guys back there, ready to just...

JANET JACKSON: Girls.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Girls. Guys and girls. And then, they just slap it right on you. And then you go!

JANET JACKSON: Yes! So, there'll be a little bit of that.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes.

JANET JACKSON: Which I've always wanted to do with them. I'm finally doing it for the HBO thing.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, you know I hope by leering at you, I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable.

JANET JACKSON: No...You can't, they're um...

DAVID LETTERMAN: Oh, God bless you! I'm , I'm...It's genuine. I mean, my leering is genuine, it's, it's not...I don't know what else to tell you!

It's lovely to see you again!

JANET JACKSON: Very nice to see you!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Anything else you want to mention?

JANET JACKSON: No.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Mm? I hope you had a nice time!

JANET JACKSON: I always do!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, we always have a nice time when you are here! Thank you! And I hope you come back!

JANET JACKSON: I think I'd love to!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Well, nice to see you again! Thank you very much! Janet Jackson, everybody!
Thank you very much!

We'll be right back!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

DAVID LETTERMAN: Here's tonight's Top Ten List, everybody! Let's try this!

Top Ten Signs Your Dog Will Not Win The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show!

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh!

DAVID LETTERMAN: The annual 26th Westminster Kennel Club dog show, begins...begins today. It begins today.

PAUL SHAFFER: Oh!

DAVID LETTERMAN: I said yesterday. It begins today.

PAUL SHAFFER: Today.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Here we go! Top Ten Signs Your Dog is not going to win.

TOP TEN LIST

Number Ten: His Toupee keeps falling off.

Number Nine: Collar Doubles as his medic alert bracelet.

Number eight: He's made by Sony.

Number Seven: Dog nearly obscured by cloud of fleas.

Number Six: At press conference, went crazy and bit off another dog's ear.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Number Five: His bone structure would be considered outstanding if he were a cat.

Number Four: There's no Award for "Most Drool".

Number Three: It looks suspiciously like a small child in a dog suit.

Number Two: This is your dog!

[VIDEO CLIP OF A DOG BITING D. LETTERMAN]

DAVID LETTERMAN: Hello, Doggy!

And the Number One sign your dog won't win the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show: Takes a dump 24/7.

There you go!

We'll be back with Enrique Iglesias!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

DAVID LETTERMAN: Okie-Dokie! Our next guest is a GRAMMY Award Winning singer. He's sold over twenty eight million albums worldwide.

This is the new CD, right here. It's entitled "Escape". Please welcome Enrique Iglesias!

[ENRIQUE TAKES THE STAGE AND PERFORMS]

DAVID LETTERMAN: Oh, excuse me! Enrique, Enrique Iglesias, ladies and gentlemen! Take a bow, son! Nice going! Good to have you here!

ENRIQUE IGLESIAS: Thank you very much!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Are you all right?

ENRIQUE IGLESIAS: Good! We'll be right back, everybody! Nice job!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Thank you very much!

ENRIQUE IGLESIAS: Thank you!

DAVID LETTERMAN: Don't be a stranger!

ENRIQUE IGLESIAS: I won't!

DAVID LETTERMAN: My thanks to Janet Jackson and of course, Kenneth Lay.

Tomorrow, Dennis Leary and India Arie!

We'll see you then! Good night, folks! Thanks for watching!