Thread 91: Stories 31-45

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Cup Cake
"Carrot Cake'
~~~~~~

>Go to canterlot, she said...

"Honey buns."

>Go up to the big city, she said....

"Sweetie Cakes."

>Oh nooo, nothing like Ponyville at alllllll, nothing like all the chaos and rampaging monsters, they're so high up from Everfree no way to any monsters come near them!

"Sugar lumps."

>This will toooootttallly be good for the babies, they said! This will be niiiiiice, and saaaaaafffeee, and oh so PEEEAAACEFULLLLLLL.

"Cup Cake!"

>GASP! DID YOU JUST USE MY NAME!?

"I know, I'm sorry, but this is important."

>WHAT!?

"Well, you uh... you ripped the head off that robot, and the others kind of ran off."

>...How about that...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Spike"
~~~~~

>...hrm...

"What?"

>Iffin' she had picked you, would ya'll have gone supersized?

"........huh."

>That might'a ended badly.

"That's not how you spell 'awesome

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Celestia
"Cadence"
~~~~

>Okay, so you were right, that whole fire lord guy is coming towards us right now.

"Great!"

>...Great.

"Yeah, he's got his army, I've got my army, it'll be a whole thing!"

>...This is happy for you.

"Oh, look. The Fire lord doesn't sound like a friend guy, right? Not a whole lot of friends?"

>If the reports of rampant swaths of destruction wreaked under his rule are any indication, no, he's probably not very buddy buddy with that many.

"But I've got you guys! So, it's like, he's got his stuff, but I've got my stuff and all of you, so I'm sure to win!"

>...Except for the massive amounts of casualties you sustain.

"Ehhhh, they're NPCs."

>What about if it's one of us?

"GASP! Never! I would never sacrifice any of you guys!"

>...Not even Chrysalis?

"What? Of course not even Chrysalis! Come on now, it's not like we still hate each other."

>...

"...what?'

>...Who... are... you?

"The babe who's about to take down some fire guy, LIGHT IT UP!"

>...

"Wait, no, that would fit him better, wouldn't it?... FREEZE!"

>...

"Wait, shoot, that makes it sound like I want you to stop..."

>...

"...Bring on, THE ICE AGE!... ha ha! I figured it out! Gold star, me!"

>...

"What?"

>Theeere's the Cadence I know.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spitfire
"Sunset"
'Guard'
~~

"So, uh... what IS the deal with Forty Two?"

>I have zero idea. She's a 'guest' trainer, supposedly.

"Supposedly?"

>I have literally never seen anyone else do any sort of commanding, including Shining Armor, and when I bring it up they just wink at me.

"...Wink at you?"

>Watch. Guard!

'YES MA'AM!'

>What's the deal with Forty Two?

'Forty Two is a very valued GUEST TRAINER from the changeling army. Her ADVICE is key in a lot of matters and we treasure the SUGGESTIONS she gives to us through the shared bond of soldier to soldier. While OF COURSE there is no exchanging of military secrets between us and them, we value the FRIENDSHIP that she has shared with us... as a GUEST.'

"..."

>Thank you.

'Anytime.'

>See?

"...that was not a wink, that was a damn stroke."

>Yes, more like he had something stuck in his eye, right?

"And they do that every time?"

>Every. One.

"...Sooo-"

>So ask again, and I'll reiterate, NO FUCKS!

"Point taken."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Luna
"PD"
~~~~

>So, their armies will be meeting shortly.

"That they will."

>And then no doubt they shall do battle with each other.

"Don't think they'll make friends?"

>Perhaps at the start, but this game has brought out some... unfortunate sides to the groups.

"Perhaps."

>...Computer, may we say something with knowledge it shall never reach any other?

"I... don't think you have to worry about that."

>...We've really enjoyed this.

"Seriously?"

>Yes! The power, thinking on our hooves, being helped when we needed it, this has been most exciting!

"..."

>Computer?

"Hm? Oh, nothing, just... processing. Won't tell a soul, Princess."

>We thank you, for this and for helping us on this journey. Tis about to become fun, is it not?

"Oh yeah... the real fun is just... about... to start."

>May we join in this time?

"By all means!"

>"MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fancy
"Fleur"
'Hayseed Turnip Truck'

"Honey, I have to tell you, this panic room? Really paying for itself."

>Isn't it just?

'I'll say, thanks fer lettin' us all come on down here, Mr. Pants.'

>Oh think nothing of it, my friends, we all need to help one another in times of turmoil like this. You've all done me the service of keeping my home tidy, my grass cut, my suits pressed, it's the least I can do.

"...we'll even throw in a bottle of our finest soap, just for you. To use. Liberally. Please."

'Well shucks, Mrs. Flour-'

"Fleur."

'-ain't ya'll a married woman.'

"...honey, we really need to talk about limits to hospitality."

KABOOM

>"'...'"

"...after we finish cowering down here of course."

'What's even goin' on up there?'

>I believe some form of robot uprising.

'Ha! Serves 'em right fer firin' alla us fer those tin cans!'

>I do hope this puts some perspective for my peers to put more faith in their fellow ponies. Simply catching on with the latest fad is a dangerous habit.

"...though really, if one of you could somehow sprout a movie project or a blender, that'd be lovely right now."

'How long ya think 'til the guard sorts this all out-'

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

>'...'

"Sorry. But thank you, I needed that laugh."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Poindexter
~~~~

It was a stark realization that, in the last few months, there had been very few times when Poindexter had ever felt this alive.

He went to his job and worked, he played his games with his other friends, and by all means his life hadn't been a miasma or anything like that. He had been depressed after his friend had picked someone elses side, of course, who wouldn't? He had been upset that he still had to worry about insane bug Queen's with unstoppable power throttling him.

But his holiday with his family had been fun, he still had his job and his home, nothing was drab or dreary or the worst thing ever. He wasn't depressed.

>BIGGER! MAKE IT BIGGER!

But he wasn't this alive either.

This was something else entirely, this was a feeling that practically burned inside of him like a raging fire, perhaps even literally. This made him jump, this made him skip, this made him cackle with laughter and limber his mostly stagnant limbs and run around with glee.

He had always been one to love the villains in comics. Who wouldn't? They were always the ones who were having the most fun. They were the ones building stuff and planning stuff and doing stuff, the heroes were just there to stop them. The heroes started out feeling bad because the villain's plot had begun and only felt happy when things went bad to normal. The villain started out happy because things changed, and he liked that. He liked that approach.

But, of course, he always still pictured himself as the hero when he read stuff, who wouldn't? His friend was a pretty close representation of that even. Why wouldn't he want to be on the side of the 'good guys'?

Oh... so many years wasted.

This?

This was more fun than any hero ever felt.

This right here? This felt...

>That Witch things she can rule this land, does she? Well, I have a message for her, and it's not very ICE!

Right.

At last, he understood.

And just like any villain, he was going to live it up for as long as long as he could...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~

>Okay, so, scouts are reporting that the firelord's army is also approaching.

"Yay! Walking time cut down in half!"

>Ha ha, yeah, yay... also, we've leveled a LOT of farmland marching these folks.

"Uh huuuh? So? Gotta march, Shiny."

>I get that, really I do, but maybe not be so direct? Maybe instead of walking over it, just go slightly around? It's not that far.

"...Nah."

>Nah?

"Nahhhhhh."

>...

"...Get the giant ice trolls, and tell them to get ready to chuck stuff."

>By stuff, you don't mean living stuff, right?

"Not exclusively!"

>...

"...Do it or I'll make you dance some more."

>Fine, fine... fine.

"..."

>...I'm going to say this, and don't judge me... this is kindaaaaa...

"...I know."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Spike
"Applejack"
~~~~~

>HOLY SHIT!

"Yep. That there's an army... again..."

>They're riding dragons made of ice!... HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT THING FLY!?

"Magic, Ah' assume, just like everythin' else. Ya' know like pegasi... and probably Dragons, now that Ah' think about it."

>We don't use magic!... I think! I dunno, I don't have wings.

"...Are ya'll a lizard?"

>WHAT!?

"Ah'm just sayin', how we sure yer' a dragon and not a firebreathin' lizard?"

>THAT... THAT IS... that is just stupid!

"Ya' seem more lizard like is all Ah'm sayin'."

>I can swim in lava!

"So? Couldn't a firelizard do that too?"

>...

"What makes ya' a dragon is all Ah'm sayin'?"

>I CAN GROW TO A HUNDRED FEET IN A MINUTE!

"Can dragons do that? Dash said their teens looked normal ta' her."

>...uh...

"Startin' ta' sound like-"

>DON'T.

"...Like-"

>DON'T YOU DARE!

"..."

>....

".."

>...

"....Spike the Lizard-"

>ALL THE RAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEE!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rarity
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
[Fluttershy]
~~~~~

>Oh my...

"Yayyyyy."

>YAY!? Why yay!?

"...Because there's an army?"

[Um... why is that a good thing?]

"Are... are you guys fucking serious!?"

'LANGUAGE!'

"No, seriously, are you serious!? The whole freaking point of this game is to fight monsters! That's all it's about!"

>I'd argue the story and lore is more important.

'Or just hanging around with your friends!'

[Or being a hero.]

"PFFFFFFFFTTTT! That's what I say to that, PFFFFTT!"

>Mature.

"Deep inside of us, all of us, is the need, Rarity! The need to fight, to conquer! We ponies didn't climb to the top of the social ladder by being whiny little nobodies! We fought smoke monsters, and chaos beings, and we built cities on the lands surrounded on all sides by monsters! Sure, some of them may be bigger than us, stronger than us, more durable or magical or whatever than us-but clearly not faster because I'm obviously the fastest thing alive- but we! Ohhh, we've got the drive! We've got the need to succeed and to flourish! You can't burn us down! You can't break us down! We are the ponies of this world! And inside of us is the need to succeed, to destroy our enemies, and to KICK THE ASS OF EVERY MONSTER WHO OPPOSES US!? NOW! WHO IS WITH MEEEEEE!?"

>...

'...'

[...]

"Uh-"

'It's just a game, chill the fuck out.'

"...You guys suck."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Guard
"Changelings"
~~~~~

>You guys are weirdly good at this.

"Oh yeah, we're great as an army."

>I mean... really good. How do you do this?

"Fear that our ruler shall kill us if we underperform."

>...

"...That's it."

>...

"..."

>...Huh.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >10
"BBB"
~~~~~

>....

"BZZT!"

>Yep. Been onna them days, ain't it buddy?

"BZZT! TINY FIGURINE ATTEMPTING INFILTRATION! REPELLING!... REPELLING AGAIN!... REPELLING AGAIN!.. PATIENCE PROTOCOL RUNNING OUT OF MEMORY SPACE!... DEPLEATING... REPELLING... ADVICE FIGURINES TO STOP... ADVISING TO STOP... PLEASE CEASE!... CEASE! CEASE! CEASECEASECEASECEAAAASE... EXTERMINATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATTTEEEEE!"

>Been one of them days...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >18
"SA"
'42'
[Chrysalis]
{Celestia}
~~~~~

>So is anyone... you know, worried that we're going to be fighting an army now with an army?

"...What? No."

'No.'

[Fucking HAH!]

{Clearly not.}

>...Can I ask why?

"Becauuuuse I've commanded an army."

'I've commanded multiple armies.'

[I own one of those armies.]

{And I have overseen armies for centuries.}

"We're all really, really, really experienced in this area."

>...But Cadence is the one in charge.

"'[{....OH FUCK! WE'RE FUCKING DOOMED!]}"'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Poindexter"
~~~~~

>Tell me ya'll got a plan fer' this.

"Ohhhh, Applemage, of course I do!"

>Don't call me that.

"It's siiimple, I'll use tactics of FEAR! The greatest weapon of all!"

>Preeeetty sure fireballs beat that.

"Hrmmm, you're right, I need to utilize FEAR and FIRE together! I shall call it.. FEIAR!"

>Ain't a word.

"MWWWAHAHAHAHAHA! I've got it! I'll build a giant mechanical dragon, I'll use him to scare those fools into submission, and I'll call him THE BLAZER!"

>Pfft, what, was 'the flamer' too much on the nose?

"OF COURSE! The FLAMER! That's even better! Excellent work, Applemage!"

>...Ya... ya' can't be serious.

"MWAAHAHAAHAHAH! SOOOOOON, SOOON THAT FOOL SHALL FIND HER SUPPORT QUITE.... MELTED!"

>...Technically accurate, but that ain't very intimidatin-

"MWHAAHAHAHAHH!"

>...This is mah' hearths warmin' present...

"MWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>AJ
"Rarity"
~~~~

>Gurrrrl, yer' bein' silly.

"NO!"

>Yer' just bein' a mess, darlin'!

"YOU CANNOT!"

>This is just a ghastly thing fer' ya'll ta' do!

"YOUR ACCENT IS BESMIRCHING MY ACCENT! SPIT IT OUT RIGHT NOW!"

>Hoooney, don't be a spazz!

"That's straight up hooker talk!"

>And?

"..."

>...

"....RARRRRRGARBLE!"

>RAR NO!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________