Dry Martini

>Fluffy ponies are easily scared.
>Movie night.
>Put fluffy pony in her pet carrier, facing the television.
>Put a pan & funnel under her face.
>Separate pan under back end to catch piss and shit.
>"Watch TV now? Happy cawtoon pwease!"
>Fluffy pony is hopping in her cage excitedly.
>Turn out all lights.
>"Scawy dark! Pwease lights!"
>Open living room window.
>"Nooo! Cwose window! Bad monsters come in!"
>Pop in DVD. 2 hour horror/gore compilation.
>Fluffy pony is whimpering and crying from minute one.
>Too dumb to close eyes.
>"Pwease no more movie! Scawy! Fluffy scawed!"
>Fluffy pony cries in terror for full two hours.
>Disc finally ends.
"Okay, I've got to leave now. Watch the house and don't let the monsters get in."
>Fluffy is hysterical with terror.
>"NOOOO!!! Don' weave fwuffy! Fwuffy scawed!"
>Slam front door, don't leave.
>Wait about 10 minutes, start walking around.
>Always stay out of fluffy pony's line of sight.
>Make creepy noises, creaking floorboards, dragging tools, rattling chains.
>Fluffy alternates between weepy silence so monsters can't find her and hysterical, uncontrolled bawling.
>Never stops crying.
>Finally, it's enough.
>Lights on, take fluffy out of her carrier.
"Time for bed."
>Put her in the safe-room.
>"Nightwight, pwease!"
>Slam door.
>Check bottle under funnel.
>It's super effective; almost a full liter of fluffy pony tears.
>Chill, mix with gin & dry vermouth.
>Friends all say you make the best dry martinis.
>Never tell them the secret ingredient.