Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- Suggested New SPR Wording, or We're VMS and You're Not.
- VMS Version 3:
- Please stop submitting SPR's. This is our system. We designed
- it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If there are some
- features you think might be missing, if the system isn't as effective
- as you think it could be, TOUGH! Give it back, we don't need you.
- See figure.
- ---------------------------
- ! - !
- ! { } !
- ! | | !
- ! | | !
- ! .-.! !.-. !
- ! .-! ! ! !.-. !
- ! ! ! ! ; !
- ! \ ; !
- ! \ ; !
- ! ! : !
- ! ! | !
- ! | | !
- ! !
- ---------------------------
- Figure 1.
- Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of the
- features of the VMS operating system.
- 1. Options. We've got lots of them. So many in fact, that you
- need two strong people to carry the documentation around. So many
- that it will be a cold day in hell before half of them are used.
- So many that you are probably not going to do your work right
- anyway. However, the number of options isn't all that important,
- because we picked some interesting values for the options and called
- them...
- 2. Defaults. We put a lot of thought into our defaults. We like
- them. If we didn't, we would have made something else be the
- default. So keep your cotton-picking hands off our defaults.
- Don't touch. Consider them mandatory. "Mandatory defaults" has
- a nice ring to it. Change them and your system crashes, tough.
- See figure 1.
- 3. Language processors. They work just fine. They take in source,
- and often produce object files as a reward for your efforts. You
- don't like the code? Too bad! You can even try to call operating
- system services from them. For any that you can't, use the assembler
- like we do. We spoke to the language processor developers about
- this, they think a lot like we do, they said "See figure 1".
- 4. Debuggers. We've got debuggers, one we support and one we use.
- You shouldn't make mistakes anyway, it is a waste of time. We
- don't want to hear anything about debuggers, we're not interested.
- See figure 1.
- 5. Error logging. Ignore it. Why give yourself an ulcer? You
- don't want to give us the machine to get the problem fixed and we
- probably can't do it anyway. Oh, and if something breaks between
- 17:00 and 18:00 or 9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and 13:30 or 14:30 and
- 15:30 don't waste your time calling us, we're out. See figure 1.
- 6. Command language. We designed it ourselves, it's perfect. We
- like it so much we put our name on it, DCL-- Digital's Command
- Language. In fact we're so happy with it, we designed it once for
- each of our operating systems. We even try to keep it the same
- from release to release, sometimes we blow it though. See figure
- 1.
- 7. Real time performance. We got it. Who else could have done
- such a good job? So the system seems sluggish with all those
- priority 18 processes, no problem, just make them priority 1.
- Anyway, real time isn't important anymore like it used to be. We
- changed our group's name to get rid of the name realtime, we told
- all our realtime users to see figure 1 a long time ago.
- In conclusion, stuff your SPR. Love VMS or leave it, but don't
- complain.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement