[8:08:40 PM CDT] Person_A: ohi
[8:08:48 PM CDT] Person_A: did you see what it was
[8:10:46 PM CDT] Person_A: So
[8:10:55 PM CDT] Person_A: Do you want to know what I really do on valentine's day?
[8:11:28 PM CDT] Person_A: I always either go to the school dance for the snow cones
[8:11:38 PM CDT] Person_A: or fill my computer with..
[8:11:39 PM CDT] Person_A: stuff.
[8:11:46 PM CDT] Person_A: <word doc with many poemz>
[8:11:49 PM CDT] Person_A: this stuff.
[8:11:57 PM CDT] Person_A: Those I just made
[8:11:59 PM CDT] Person_B: wow
[8:12:33 PM CDT] Person_A: I have a bookmark from erika I got in 3rd grade
[8:12:36 PM CDT] Person_A: and I still keep it
[8:13:07 PM CDT] Person_A: I like drawing flowers on my notebook
[8:13:18 PM CDT] Person_A: Only in my room
[8:13:26 PM CDT] Person_A: Mostly because I cannot see how terrible they are
[8:13:43 PM CDT] Person_A: and only my envisionment of them in my mind of how I intended them to appear.
[8:14:21 PM CDT] Person_A: I fear the unknown
[8:14:38 PM CDT] Person_A: And many unpredictable things can happen when talking to another human being
[8:14:53 PM CDT] Person_A: The face-to-face social interactions sometimes scare me
[8:15:17 PM CDT] Person_A: "A man is least himself when in his own person, give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." ~Oscar WIlde
[8:15:25 PM CDT] Person_A: *Wilde
[8:16:08 PM CDT] Person_A: I say that I wing it all the time
[8:16:22 PM CDT] Person_A: when, secretly, I plan most things.
[8:16:39 PM CDT] Person_A: I'll intend to do one thing
[8:17:03 PM CDT] Person_A: so I might plan out a way to make people work the way I want
[8:17:18 PM CDT] Person_A: so I can attempt to remove myself from the equation of fault
[8:17:28 PM CDT] Person_A: As it would appear to others..
[8:18:08 PM CDT] Person_A: You know how in movies and such girls always talk about their feelings and crap at sleepovers and such?
[8:18:17 PM CDT] Person_A: I sometimes wish guys did that too
[8:18:50 PM CDT] Person_A: I've never really had one of those friends I can trust to keep anything a secret
[8:18:55 PM CDT] Person_A: someone I can tell everyone too
[8:19:10 PM CDT] Person_A: I integrate myself into online communities
[8:19:14 PM CDT] Person_A: to find some sort of support
[8:19:24 PM CDT] Person_A: I portray myself as many people
[8:19:32 PM CDT] Person_A: to find as many answers
[8:19:43 PM CDT] Person_A: I don't even know myself.
[8:20:08 PM CDT] Person_A: Talking to people through email/irc/im/texting is a lot easier for me
[8:20:23 PM CDT] Person_A: I don't have to worry about my body language
[8:20:50 PM CDT] Person_A: I will sometimes intend to say one thing
[8:20:53 PM CDT] Person_A: and say it
[8:21:11 PM CDT] Person_A: but in a completely wrong tone or sense
[8:21:28 PM CDT] Person_A: People think I'm really good with computers
[8:21:34 PM CDT] Person_A: But actually
[8:21:41 PM CDT] Person_A: I'm not much better than them
[8:21:48 PM CDT] Person_A: but with more experience
[8:21:56 PM CDT] Person_A: Everyone is capable of what I can do
[8:22:22 PM CDT] Person_A: With time and knowledge, its all possible.
[8:22:31 PM CDT] Person_A: Even by Brandon Utech
[8:23:21 PM CDT] Person_A: I sometimes lie about "Omg, I had a dream, and <x> happened in it!!!11!1!"
[8:23:30 PM CDT] Person_A: Just to make myself appear a little more interesting
[8:23:31 PM CDT] Person_A: when really
[8:23:36 PM CDT] Person_A: I rarely remember my dreams
[8:23:39 PM CDT] Person_A: I only remember..
[8:23:51 PM CDT] Person_A: 5 dreams of mine
[8:23:58 PM CDT] Person_A: occuring over a time period of years
[8:24:08 PM CDT] Person_A: Well
[8:24:11 PM CDT] Person_A: a little more than that
[8:24:18 PM CDT] Person_A: but 5 of them I can remember very clearly.
[8:24:30 PM CDT] Person_A: only about 10 or so I can recall at one time
[8:24:39 PM CDT] Person_A: I've had only one lucid dream
[8:24:51 PM CDT] Person_A: On it, I looked at webcomics.
[8:24:56 PM CDT] Person_A: on my laptop
[8:25:09 PM CDT] Person_A: I care more about learning
[8:25:16 PM CDT] Person_A: than my grades
[8:25:43 PM CDT] Person_A: I would rather learn everything, and get average grades, than get perfect grades, and learn next-to-nothing
[8:26:06 PM CDT] Person_A: I can't tell myself what to do sometimes
[8:26:14 PM CDT] Person_A: I will tell myself to get up and talk to erika
[8:26:17 PM CDT] Person_A: but I will just sit there
[8:26:22 PM CDT] Person_A: awkward and quiet
[8:26:43 PM CDT] Person_A: a long time ago, I forgot what year
[8:26:56 PM CDT] Person_A: I asked erika to do a duet with me in solo ensemble
[8:27:00 PM CDT] Person_A: She agreed
[8:27:08 PM CDT] Person_A: but there was some confusion about practices
[8:27:25 PM CDT] Person_A: but I practiced every day 'till new years
[8:27:37 PM CDT] Person_A: and then I thought I had it down
[8:27:46 PM CDT] Person_A: so I stopped
[8:27:49 PM CDT] Person_A: and when it came around
[8:27:56 PM CDT] Person_A: I had forgotten the words
[8:28:06 PM CDT] Person_A: I felt as if I had let her down, which I may have.
[8:28:14 PM CDT] Person_A: The judge said we did okay
[8:28:29 PM CDT] Person_A: but I didn't know the words
[8:28:54 PM CDT] Person_A: It may have been due to my confusion over practices
[8:29:01 PM CDT] Person_A: which I had been to afraid to voice
[8:29:21 PM CDT] Person_A: But to this day, I blame myself for it.
[8:29:43 PM CDT] Person_A: Very ashamed of myself for failing her
[8:29:57 PM CDT] Person_A: I know the words now, a little
[8:30:26 PM CDT] Person_A: But I still haven't found how to get self-redemption for this
[8:30:31 PM CDT] Person_A: Maybe I'm just weird
[8:30:49 PM CDT] Person_A: but buying her that flower brought back that memory
[8:30:53 PM CDT] Person_A: and it just hurts.
[8:31:02 PM CDT] Person_A: I failed.
[8:31:41 PM CDT] Person_A: I've had a crush on her since 3rd grade
[8:31:58 PM CDT] Person_A: It may be infatuation, or love, or maybe just lust.
[8:32:04 PM CDT] Person_A: I don't know
[8:32:53 PM CDT] Person_A: Its amazing how after someone has broken your heart, you can still love them with all the pieces.
[8:33:03 PM CDT] Person_A: Not that she has really broken my heart
[8:33:04 PM CDT] Person_A: but
[8:33:11 PM CDT] Person_A: I've just..
[8:33:13 PM CDT] Person_A: bah
[8:33:18 PM CDT] Person_A: You won't understand
[8:33:24 PM CDT] Person_A: You've probably never felt this way
[8:33:56 PM CDT] Person_A: I'm probably going to regret this in the morning
[8:34:00 PM CDT] Person_A: but this feels good
[8:34:03 PM CDT] Person_A: to let it all out
[8:34:17 PM CDT] Person_A: Normally, I bottle up my emotions.
[8:34:27 PM CDT] Person_A: My thoughts, locked away in a vault of stone
[8:34:42 PM CDT] Person_A: Ah, going offline.
[8:34:51 PM CDT] Person_A: Eating dinner?
[8:34:54 PM CDT] Person_A: Going to bed?
[8:35:06 PM CDT] Person_A: Whatever it may  be, you probably haven't read this
[8:35:11 PM CDT] Person_A: or just did not wish to interrupt
[8:35:19 PM CDT] Person_A: .
[8:35:35 PM CDT] Person_A: The love messages for language
[8:35:41 PM CDT] Person_A: Yes, I did sortof write them to erika.
[8:35:47 PM CDT] Person_A: It made it easier
[8:36:16 PM CDT] Person_A: But mostly to 'generic crush/gf'
[8:36:21 PM CDT] Person_A: Imaginary, of course.
[8:36:25 PM CDT] Person_A: You know what I mean..
[8:37:21 PM CDT] Person_A: I don't feel I deserve to have mine upon the board
[8:37:25 PM CDT] Person_A: It just doesn't feel right
[8:37:35 PM CDT] Person_A: like when  you accidentally win a contest
[8:37:41 PM CDT] Person_A: You feel good for winning
[8:37:46 PM CDT] Person_A: but it just doesn't feel right
[8:37:56 PM CDT] Person_A: Or winning something you didn't 'apply' for
[8:38:20 PM CDT] Person_A: It also feels oh so familiar.
[8:38:26 PM CDT] Person_A: As if I had said it before
[8:38:35 PM CDT] Person_A: Or dreamt it
[8:39:16 PM CDT] Person_A: Meh
[8:39:18 PM CDT] Person_A: It was a fluke
[8:39:36 PM CDT] Person_A: It came to me right in the morning
[8:40:03 PM CDT] Person_A: I had started work on it, fell asleep, woke up, and in my drowsy stupor I wrote that beautiful sentence.
[8:41:05 PM CDT] Person_A: Ah, there, another lie
[8:41:12 PM CDT] Person_A: "I stubbed my toe from running at a wall"
[8:41:25 PM CDT] Person_A: I told dana that i do stupid things
[8:41:28 PM CDT] Person_A: which I do
[8:41:32 PM CDT] Person_A: as you've probably read somewhere
[8:41:51 PM CDT] Person_A: She replied "I'm scared to ask-- why?"
[8:41:56 PM CDT] Person_A: Then I lied.
[8:42:01 PM CDT] Person_A: Wonderful thing, lying.
[8:42:16 PM CDT] Person_A: It can destroy lives
[8:42:18 PM CDT] Person_A: save lives
[8:42:21 PM CDT] Person_A: create lives
[8:42:25 PM CDT] Person_A: change lives
[8:42:41 PM CDT] Person_A: manipulate lives for every last drop of power
[8:43:02 PM CDT] Person_A: I sometimes wish I could just be myself
[8:43:06 PM CDT] Person_A: but I've learnt its not that easy.
[8:43:32 PM CDT] Person_A: I'm not even being totally honest with you right now and only showing a side of myself.
[8:43:47 PM CDT] Person_A: Still too afraid to tell too much
[8:44:19 PM CDT] Person_A: Great
[8:44:32 PM CDT] Person_A: I can't even be totally honest with myself
[8:44:46 PM CDT] Person_A: right now I'm trying to write just as if only I could read it
[8:45:11 PM CDT] Person_A: I want to just spill my thoughts and emotions to someone
[8:45:46 PM CDT] Person_A: Goddang it, dana asked what I was doing
[8:45:51 PM CDT] Person_A: Dana: what'cha doin
[8:45:56 PM CDT] Person_A: me: writing stuff
[8:46:01 PM CDT] Person_A: dana: what are you writing?
[8:47:51 PM CDT] Person_A: me: ...screw it, I'll just tell you....

...spilling thoughts+emotions to lindberg's skype.
[8:48:06 PM CDT] Person_A: Paraphrased, of course.
[8:48:21 PM CDT] Person_A: I cba(can't be @$$ed)
[8:48:26 PM CDT] Person_A: to copy it
[8:49:12 PM CDT] Person_A: Man, I'm not looking forward to what you're going to say when I see you in the morning
[8:49:21 PM CDT] Person_A: or maybe in a few hours at 1am.
[8:49:53 PM CDT] Person_A: if you've read/reading this.
[8:50:14 PM CDT] Person_A: There are so many things I wish to know
[8:50:19 PM CDT] Person_A: that cannot be simply googled
[8:50:24 PM CDT] Person_A: What love feels like
[8:50:29 PM CDT] Person_A: What is love
[8:50:41 PM CDT] Person_A: What it feels to be loved
[8:50:44 PM CDT] Person_A: and all that
[8:51:02 PM CDT] Person_A: I probably seem really... I don't know the word...
[8:51:06 PM CDT] Person_A: whatever
[8:52:08 PM CDT] Person_A: I always am like this around valentine's day.
[8:52:33 PM CDT] Person_A: I sometimes think that maybe I shouldn't ever try anything with erika
[8:52:37 PM CDT] Person_A: just so I don't fail
[8:52:51 PM CDT] Person_A: or otherwise f things up
[8:54:11 PM CDT] Person_A: But usually I dismiss that as an excuse for a lack of courage.
[8:54:24 PM CDT] Person_A: Please don't go around telling everyone this stuf
[8:54:44 PM CDT] Person_A: I'm sortof typing everything that goes through my mind right now
[8:55:07 PM CDT] Person_A: But this'll be a good place to end..
[8:55:37 PM CDT] Person_A: Cya later.