94FM Some of the Hits Some of the Time

Dec 17th, 2019
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  2. >As 'Come on Eileen' starts blasting over the radio, you grin wildly, kicking your feet up on your desk.
  3. >Yessir, Anon got the best seat in the house!
  4. >Cloudsdale is a damn interesting place to live, that's for sure, what with all the clouds and, you know, no solid ground below your feet.
  5. >But hey, for some reason you can walk on clouds and if you ever feel like going back down, you got a hot air balloon now.
  6. >Fuck that noise, you got your Radio Station.
  7. >Equestria and the Crystal Empire is just starting to really pick up on radio and telecommunication, and you're riding the bleeding edge.
  8. >And rolling in bits.
  9. >No, seriously, all the bits.
  10. >Being the patent owner has it's perks.
  11. >Princess Sunbutt and Moon Moon were over their celestial bodies when you showed them how radios work and sold it to the Royal Guard and military.
  12. >The Wonderdorks in particular are already using them to coordinate during airshows.
  13. >The snazzy looking muzzle masks are way cooler with what used to be the cadet uniform being the standard wear now, something about the full face suits and muzzle masks making their faces foam.
  14. >Not your problem, but hey, you're officially sponsored by the 'Bolts and you and your thankfully everlasting and ever charged iPhone with all of your human music currently rules the airwaves.
  15. >That being said, Ponyville's own DJ PON-3 has been making waves as well, but she just plays her own stuff or for some bizarre reason, classical music.
  16. >You adjust your tie, making sure it's looking snazzy as you watch the phone as the music plays.
  17. >As you said, it's just hit nine o' five in the morning, which is -right- when you open up the phone line to your little radio booth in the sky, open to calls from anywhere in Equestria.
  18. >Originally, you were using it as requests for human music, but ponies started to do something you never expected.
  19. >Gossip on air.
  20. "FILLLLLLLIES AND GENTLECOLTS, it's that time of day, yessir, Anon is here for THE DAILY DISH!"
  21. >You slap one of the crystals on your desk, letting out some canned cheering, whinnying, and stomping that you recorded at a hoofball game in Ponyville.
  22. >The Daily Dish was your 'anything' call in time where ponies could chat with you about -anything-.
  23. >Doesn't matter what, just as long as it's good.
  24. >You got the name, and idea, from good ol' diamond flanks in Ponyville.
  25. >She was your first call in to start gossiping as she had called you from the -spa-, the vain thing.
  26. >Your phone starts ringing and you kick it off the hook, smacking yourself in the face with it instead of catching it because you are not that cool.
  27. >Grumbling under your breath and glad you had turned your mic off for a moment, you turn it back on as you flourish the phone.
  28. "You're LIVE with Anon the Human and to ALL of Equestria and the Greater Crystal Empire! What can I serve today, my little pony?"
  29. >The voice that comes through is a pretty distinctive rasp, and you have to avoid snickering.
  30. >Rainbow Dash the gossip, you never would have guessed.
  31. >But she -loves- gabbing about stupid shit the Wonderbolts have been up to recently and considering she recently made team lead, you don't doubt that she's just trying to get her annoyance off her chest.
  32. >"Yo Anon, it's Gusty Kicks, and I got some more pegasi failing stuntflying one-oh-one to share."
  33. "Gusty, baby girl, don't leave us hanging, what do you have for spills that thrills today?"
  34. >"So Soaring Wonder decided that today would be the best day to try a new routine trick. A double-round immelmann with spokes basically."
  35. >You blank for a moment, trying to picture it.
  36. >Being sponsored by the 'Bolts, you actually spent quite a bit of time watching their shows and finally were getting a hang of the terminology that got thrown around.
  37. "So two ponies making hard vertical u-turns, and then ponies flying through it?"
  38. >"Like a wagon wheel, yeah."
  39. "... Featherfluffer made a friggin' Pie Chart in the sky didn't he?"
  40. >"Got it in one, and nopony called him on it cuz most of them didn't figured it out till I showed up and pointed it out."
  41. "That pony is obsessed. How isn't he as big as Celestia's flank?"
  42. >"HA, beats me, but I've never seen a fat stuntpony!"
  43. >You and Rainbow Dash gab on the Wonderbolts for a bit longer before you punch in a advertisement for the next show dates, part of the sponsorship, and she hangs up.
  44. "Well, we're free for our next caller!"
  45. >The phone rings again and this time you answer it normally, just picking it up.
  46. >You'll practice your cool trickshots later.
  47. "You're live on 94FM!"
  48. >"EEP! O-oh my, um... I-I think I called the wrong number."
  49. >Your heart.
  50. >Flutterbutter is a fuckin' Angel, even over the phone.
  51. "That's alright sweetheart, we don't mind. You've called into the 94FM Daily Dish, if you got any gossip to share we'd love to hear it!"
  52. >"O-oh I couldn't... u-uhm... I... mmm."
  53. >She's deliberating, you patiently listen in- if there's a pony that -loves- to gossip, it's Rarity, but Fluttershy is almost as much of a gossip as marshmallow is.
  54. >"W-well, have you heard about Fluer?"
  55. >You perk up.
  56. "Fleur De Lis? Fashion Icon and just-happily bound in matrimony to the snazziest not-pants wearing noble Fancy Pants?"
  57. >"Y-yes! Oh my, I'm so excited, she's pregnant!"
  60. "Oh girl, you gotta dish, more, more! She's pregnant, how long?!"
  61. >"Only a month or so along now, but you can already see the bump, and oh my goodness I'm so excited I could just -scream-! Huuuuaaaah~"
  62. >You prepare to cover your ears.
  63. >"*silent squeaky scream of joy*"
  64. >Well that's just fuckin' adorable.
  65. "WELL, we over at 94FM doff our hats to the Pants family, looks like you've got a pair of shorts on the way, HAHA!"
  66. >"Oh I hope it's a little colt, he'll be so regal just like his father, or a cute little lanky legged filly!"
  67. "Well, I'm sure whatever the little darling will be they'll be the talk of Canterlot, thanks for calling!"
  68. >The show goes on in that fashion as you get the news from all over Equestria, and some of the juicer gossip hits your ears...
  69. "She did -what- with the poolcolt? The nerve..."
  70. "FOUR apples? Wouldn't that hurt?"
  71. "I'll never look at Princess Celestia and a slice of cake the same way..."
  72. "Well, a power ponies comic says you can't explain what Twiggles is getting up to -this- time."
  73. "A Changeling Bordello? ... You uh... you got a address?"
  75. "We're out of time for today, thanks for calling in ponies, it's 1105 and we're BACK TO THE MUSIC, some of the hits, some of the time, IT'S FATBOYYYYYYYYYYY SLIM!"
  76. >As Weapon of Choice starts pumping out the air waves, you get up from your chair and close up the studio, locking the doors and the door to your booth before making sure the phone is on replay.
  77. >Another day's work done.
  78. >Yep, it's good to be Anon.
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