INTRO

This post is meant for a puer newbies. It's the first line of defense against the local carpet lickers. Something that will hopefully give you some insight, into what these teas are about.
Since I never had puer until recently when I bought a bunch of them, I feel like I can put myself in the shoes of a first-time puer drinker.

1. Don't start your tea journey with puers, you won't like it. Start with black/oolongs.
2. Don't fall for the "Oh this one is so sweet" meme. Even the "very sweet" puer just isn't sweet.
On a scale of 0-10 the "very sweet" are like 2 at most. The smell is there, but the taste isn't. Something like lemon verbena shits on any tea in terms of sweetness and it actually smells like lemon.

Before I go into details, If I were to pinpoint some common feature of all of these to determine what makes a puer, then I think the word RAW is key.
Sometimes the brew is harsh, sometimes it's pleasant. It feels like I'm drinking a bit of nature, no processing to sugarcoat it.
I feel like I'm some hippie degenerate who goes around the various woods with a teacup, boiling random leaves.
Also, this is a very different "green" experience to green teas or green oolongs.

In my eyes black teas or oolongs are made to be tasty and inoffensive, the perfect newbie tea to start, these puers are more polarising.
Also compared to black teas where usually the taste drops off after 3 or so brews, oolongs around 4-5, puers last much longer.
I'm usually bored after 7th infusion but I'm sure they can do 10+ infusions so the sometimes higher price might be justifiable.

Finally, when it comes to other bit harsh liquids, the obvious comparison is beer.
I get it, you are an Asian dude, you have close to no alcohol tolerance, and you want something bitter after a fatty meal so you grab a puer.
For me, as a European, beer is still king for this. I'm not a big beer drinker, I drink only socially, but having a couple of beers with friends is hard to beat.
I see puer as a nice thinking liquid when you are alone and just want to relax/reflect.

TASTE NOTES

Disclosure: I have a hard water and refuse to buy bottled one(there are already enough microplastics in me).
I do not drink coffee or sodas, and I don't like sweet meals(pancakes, pies, etc.) but I love sweet fruit(oranges are the best)

The numbering is roughly based on the order I tried them, but I kept going back and forward to ensure I remembered things correctly.

#1 2020 Xiaguan "Bao Long Gong She - Lao Shu Yuan Cha"
Very bitter, very herbal. I know some anons said, it's very sweet but I don't see it.
When I was poking the wet leaves with my finger, my finger smelled very sweet, but nothing in the liquid.
Later infusions are a bit like peaches but bitter. If after a few years, the bitterness will ease up a bit then this could be comfy. Not now tho.

#2 2019 XiaGuan "Mang Lu Shan"
Not bitter, not herbal. It's quite light, had to use a bit more leaves with this one. The closest comparison I can make is dried flowers. Think dried daisy, dandelion, maybe hay... this sort of meadowy stuff.
No sweetness, upfront or returning. Later steeps are a bit bitter, but nothing major. No vegetal notes. This cake reminds me of some white moonlight cakes I've had before.

#3 2019 Xiaguan "Jing Mai Xun Xiang - Gu Shu"
Not bitter, not herbal. Bit stronger than #2. Not as floral, but more green.
The greenness is hard to describe... not as grassy and watery as sencha for example, but not as strong and blunt as green tgy. Some say green beans... sure some green vegetable type thing.
I feel like this one got my blood pumping(I don't have high blood pressure), because I felt hot drinking it, I had to take off my sweater.
Later infusions are slightly bitter and slightly sweet. There is a bit of an aftertaste after several cups, not sure how to describe it, but it's kind of nice.
The more I drink it the more I appreciate it.

#4 Spring 2023 Fa Zhan He - 20g sample
Not bitter, not herbal. Kinda similar to #3. Maybe very slightly sweeter than #3 but I still wouldn't say it's sweet. Some say green beans, a bit floral... sure.
Citrusy? Nah. The "Strong candy-like sweetness and a pronounced lemon character." claim from one of the reviewers is just bullshit.
The aftertaste is kinda comfy. After several cups, sure I can taste some slight sweetness in my mouth.
The wet leaves smell sweet. If you ever went to a teahouse where the air is full of sweet scent from people smoking water pipes, this is like that.
2nd session was less impressive, I tried splitting the 20g into thirds by eye. Maybe I used fewer leaves this time or something else was off.
Also, the leaves are huge compared to the xiaguans. I measured one that had 8cm, the xiaguans leaves are about half as big. Then again those cakes are much more densely packed and even when using one of those nail-like tools to break it apart, it's still a bitch.

#5 Jingmai Yellow Flakes - 20g sample
Similar to #2. Less floral than #2 but a bit more sweet and bitter. The best I can describe it is slightly sweet and bitter peaches, similar to later infusions of #1 but less bitter.

#6 Autumn 2021 Jingmai Shengtai - 20g sample
Almost the same as #5. Bit more fruity #2. I'm guessing #5 is a blend, and this one either isn't or is less blend, because the taste(whatever this taste is) is less spread out.
Slightly sour after tasting after several cups, which is I'm guessing the reason why the one review says they taste prunes. Sure it reminds me of some unripe slightly sour stone fruit.
But it's missing the super sweet, juicy part, which is the reason I adore prunes/mirabells/apricots etc. I also found a dried and crushed seed in the sample.

#7 Spring 2021 Tang Fang Liang Zi - 20g sample
This is just a very pleasant tea. There is nothing herbal, bitter, or harsh that would spoil the experience. The taste is a bit sweet, but the main thing is how mellow this liquid is.
I feel warm, relaxed, and cozy. I cannot tell which fruit this reminds me of most, maybe apricots, but I don't care. I just want to crawl back to bed and take a nap.
I don't know why this tea is so comforting, the taste isn't that amazing either, but there is something about it... The sweetness is also strange. It's like the tongue thinks it is sweet, but every time you take a sip the brain doesn't agree.
The one review on the site says something completely different, so no idea what is going on.
However all these "super juicy" and "candy sweetness" reviews... make me think these people never ate an orange or anything with sugar in it.

#8 Spring 2023 Dong Guo - 20g sample
"Strong upfront and long-lasting sweetness, very juicy" is a strong claim. This tastes almost the same as #4, just a bit more astringency.
My tongue tingles drinking it. Is this citrus to me? No. But I guess astringency = lemon/citrus in people's eyes. Maybe a slightly sour aftertaste, but not as much as #6.
Sweetness is nowhere to be found. Maybe there is some slight sweet aftertaste but after several cups my tongue tingles so much that I no longer trust it.
I can feel the caffeine in this one.
Also, the wet leaves don't have that nice sweet smell the #4 had.

#9 Spring 2023 Jinggu single trees
Doesnt taste like much, doesn't smell like much... just something bitter vegetal. Maybe slightly sweet but the bitterness ruins everything.

#10 2019 Xiaguan "Ling Long Wan - Gu Shu"
It's ripe. It's probably even good ripe, not fishy, and the taste is clean... garbage. Turns out I hate ripe. Not to the extent I want to throw up, but you would have to pay me to drink it.

FINAL THOUGHS

My top 3 are #3, #4, and #7.
#3 really grew on me, it cost me $30+10 shipping and at that price this could be alternative to #4.
#4 is a fan favourite and I can see why.
#7 is the most expensive one and probably the best one. Dont know If I should cheap out and get the 2023 version. The 2021 and 2023 cakes look different.

#8 is a big disappointment, it's just worse #4 that costs more. I wanted to try the xiaguan dong guo in the future since I've also seen it in some sales for around $40, but I probably won't bother.

I would group #2, #5 and #6 together.
#5 is cheap, but I would still not buy it. The taste is all over the place, sometimes it's bitter when it shouldn't be. Even as a cheap daily drinker get something else.
#6 is another disappointment to me. At $50 just get something else.
#2 is probably the best of these, it cost me $30+10 shipping. I can see people liking the dried flower notes, for me, it's a bit boring.