Don't Drink and /fit/

Sep 6th, 2016
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  1. >Be Twilight
  2. >It was late outside
  3. >All good fillies and colts were sound asleep in their beds, dreaming of candy and lollipops and hoof-holding
  4. >You were lying in your bed, as snug as a bug in a rug, dreaming that you had found the lost library of Labyrinthian
  5. >Yeah...
  6. >Sitting there, reading all of that long, lost knowledge...
  7. >All of those manuscripts...
  8. >All of those lost languages...
  9. >Buck yeah...
  10. >But all was not well in your dreamland
  11. >Even as you read long forgotten histories, pondered over mathematical equations that seemed fourth dimensional, and peeked at two thousand year old smutty books that you ONLY read for the story you felt like something was... missing
  12. >Like a part of you was missing...
  13. >It was a bad, cold, lonely feeling that didn't sit all too well in your stomach
  14. >Badfeelsfilly.jpg
  15. >Because of this you found that you couldn't enjoy your dream
  16. >In fact, because of this feeling, you eventually found yourself waking up, pawing at the empty, still warm space beside you
  17. "A... An-mous?" you grumbled, your eyes slowly opening. "Non... warz you?"
  18. >Though it was pitch black in your bedroom, you could see that your coltfriend was nowhere to be seen
  19. >You were alone in your bed
  20. >NAKED
  21. >Blinking owlishly, you looked over at your bathroom, your ears slowly perking up
  22. >...
  23. >You couldn't hear anything...
  24. "Anon?" you grumbled, rubbing an eye as you sat up a bit. "Honey? Where are you?"
  25. >Again, nothing
  26. >Your bedroom, and the area around it, was completely silent and still
  27. >Looking over at your clock you saw that it was two in the morning
  28. >Nowhere near a reasonable time for ponies to wake up...
  29. >Your still half-asleep mind meandered
  31. >Where the hay was your coltfriend?
  32. >Why did he get up this early?
  33. >Was everything alright?
  34. >Was...
  35. >Was it his time of the month?
  36. >Did human stallions even have a time of the month?
  37. >Yawning, you climbed out of your bed and began the long, arduous journey to your bedroom door
  38. "Anon," you mumbled, too tired to push away the hair in your face. "Anon... where's my snuggles..."
  39. >... Kitchen
  40. >He was probably in the kitchen getting some water or something...
  41. >Quickly making your way out into the hall, you made your way toward the Castle of Doom's kitchen, your hooves dragging and your wings half opened
  42. "Can't sleep 'lone... Cuddles... Juice boxes... Applesauce..."
  43. >You didn't hear a single sound as you made your way through the castle halls
  44. >All was silent, all was still
  45. >Spike and Starlight were most likely sound asleep, tucked in their beds all warm and snug...
  46. CRASH!
  47. >You jumped as something shattered off in the distance
  50. >You stopped, your eyes wide and your ears perked up
  51. >Crouching low to the ground, you listened carefully
  52. >Was that a burglar?!
  53. >Was there a burglar in your house?!
  54. >If so then what the HECK were they doing here?
  55. >The only thing that you had of value was books, and nopony ever bothered with those in this illiterate, earth pony town!
  56. >...
  57. >Wow...
  58. >You sure do get racist when you're tired...
  59. >...
  60. >Not that you're ALL that wrong...
  61. >Minutes tick by as you listen for anything else out of the ordinary
  63. >You were just about to stand back up when another sound made its way to your ears
  64. >A whimper
  65. >The whimper of a stallion
  66. >Your stallion
  67. "ANON!"
  68. >Without a second thought you dashed down the hall as fast as your hooves could take you
  69. >That whimper came from the kitchen
  70. >Anon was crying in the kitchen
  71. >You needed to see why he was crying
  72. >You needed to make help him, make him feel better, stop those tears
  73. >You--
  74. >Rushing into the kitchen, you saw a very particular sight
  75. >Anon was sitting in the corner of the room, hugging his knees to his chest
  76. >The big green human was shirtless and all around him were two dozen empty gallon jugs of protein powder
  77. >Anon's face, and most of his chest, was caked in the stuff
  78. >Upon closer inspection, you could see tears streaming down his face, mixing with the protein powder to make this messy brown paste
  79. >...
  80. >Wat
  81. "Wat?"
  82. >For a moment, you couldn't help but feel relieved
  83. >There were no burglars in the house; nopony was trying to steal any of your books or your stallion or whatever else burglars took, and Anonymous, as far as you could tell, looked alright
  84. >But far too soon that relief turned into confusion
  85. >What the hay was Anon doing?
  86. >What was with all of those empty jugs?
  87. >He didn't drink all of that did he?
  88. >What was he crying for?
  89. >Why the hay did you have to deal with stuff like this at two in the bucking morning?
  90. >Anon sniffled, which caused the muscles in his chest, neck, and arms to ripple in the artificial light of the room
  91. >Seeing this your confusion turned into concern
  93. "Anon?" you said, taking a step toward him. "Anon, is everything alright?"
  94. >Anon jumped a little bit at the sound of your voice
  95. >He looked up at you as he sniffled again, his eyes puffy and bloodshot and snot running down his nose
  96. >"T-Twi?" he whimpered as he did his best to clean his face with one of his massive hands
  97. >Hurrying over to him you extended a wing, wrapping it around his shoulder as best as you could
  98. "What's wrong honey?" you asked as gently as you could, grabbing one of his hands and holding it in between your hooves. "What are you doing out of bed? Why are you crying?"
  99. >A tremble ran through your coltfriend
  100. >His lip quivered, and you could see fresh tears forming out of the corners of his eyes
  101. >It tore you up inside to see him like this
  102. >To see him look so broken and sad and alone
  103. >So you did the only thing that you could think of
  104. >You wrapped your hooves around your neck and pulled his face into your chest
  105. >Immediately, Anonymous wrapped those long, thick arms of his around you
  106. >For most ponies his grip would have been uncomfortable, painful even, but you were an alicorn
  107. >Your body was a little more heavy-duty compared to most ponies
  108. >It had to be, with a stallion like this
  109. "It's alright hon," you whispered, nuzzling the top of his head as a sob racked his body. "It's alright... it's alright."
  110. >You don't know how long you sat there with Anon, holding him and nuzzling him and giving him all of the love-laced kisses that you could, but eventually his sobs once again turned into sniffles, which then turned into shaky breaths
  111. >There was a thin sheen of sweat covering your body
  112. >You could feel Anon's tears and snot and Celestia' knows what else running down your chest and wither
  113. >Anon himself was sweaty and he smelled like old protein powder and shame
  114. >But that was alright
  115. >His crying had stopped
  116. >You had done it
  117. >You had made your stallion feel better
  118. >You made him feel loved
  119. >Goodfeelsfilly.jpg
  121. >You held him for a little longer, rocking him back and forth as you hummed the same tune that your dad had hummed whenever your brother had come to him crying when the two of you were little
  122. >After a few more minutes of this you gently lifted Anon's head up so that he was looking up at you
  123. "Anon, honey, what happened?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper
  124. >For a few long moments Anon said nothing
  125. >At one point you were sure that he'd start crying again but, after taking a few deep breaths, he opened his mouth to speak
  126. >"I-I can s-still fit through the d-doors."
  127. >...
  128. >Your eyes narrowed slightly as your snozzle scrunched up
  129. >You opened your mouth before immediately closing it
  130. >...
  131. >That...
  132. >What...
  133. >Tapping your hoof against your chin, you opened your mouth and tried again
  134. "...You can... still fit through the doors?"
  135. >Anon must not have heard the disbelief in your voice, because he nodded, sniffling, and continued
  136. >"I-I've been trying m-my hardest," he said, sounding as heartbroken as you've ever heard him. "I've b-been working o-out as hard as I c-can and I've b-been eating r-right."
  137. >He sniffled, blinking away tears as you just... stared at him
  138. >Just stared
  139. "...Anon, most of the doors in the castle are--"
  140. >"Tiny, I k-know," Anon wailed, pulling you into a hug. "I'm sorry, Twi. I've tried e-everything. I've tried as hard as I could, I... I-I..."
  141. >Biting his lip, Anon once again buried his face into your chest and began sobbing
  142. >As he did this you sighed, looking around at the mess all around you
  143. >Your nostrils flared, and you smelled a very particular scent
  144. >... You think you know what that glass breaking sound was from
  145. "Anon... did you mix protein powder with tequila again?" you asked, your voice quiet
  146. >"IT'S SO TASTY!" your coltfriend whined, a very noticeable slur in his voice now that you were listening, before bursting into tears
  147. >...
  148. >...
  149. >...
  150. "There, there," you murmured, patting the top of his head. "It's alright, it's alright."
  153. "...No you're not, hon."
  155. "I... I love you just the way you are, Anonymous."
  157. >...
  158. >Your coltfriend is weird...
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