Post-SGDQ Thoughts

With SGDQ over now is a good time to put these thoughts out there and how much this event means to me. For years I have struggled with my self image, constantly thinking to myself that I'm not good enough, I'm ugly, I'm annoying, no one wants me around. Reinforced through 15+ years of what felt like constant rejection, whether it was romantic, professional, whatever; these thoughts sometimes could go as far as being suicidal. I probably would not be here saying this right now without GDQ and the friends I have made through speedrunning.

For the past few months, these thoughts went to an extreme and I was ready to give up. With some encouragement in just the right way at the exact right time, I started seeing a therapist once a week. These sessions have primarily been focused around forcing me to think of reasons that my negative thoughts are wrong and fight back against them. It's not an easy process, but it has been slowly working. Throughout the last few weeks if my mind decides to wander in that direction, I can take something positive as a counterargument and hopefully push it to the side.

Events like SGDQ are so important to me as a way to remember just how many friends I do have, even if we're all spread out around the world, they're all out there. A couple weeks before SGDQ I moved back in with another friend to have a safe space where I can heal and focus on myself. I feel safe here and it's hopefully a big step for me in the long run to improve myself, look at things more positively and grow.

It's always hard to say goodbye at the end of these, but we all move on together in spite of the distance. The friends I have made through speedrunning mean the world to me and I can honestly say GDQ saved my life when I started going in 2023. Without these events, I might not be here typing this all up right now. So thank you to everyone that has supported me the last few years and here's to a hopefully bright future.