Hi, everyone. I'm posting here for what will hopefully be some insight about how we can best handle this situation in a way that keeps the best interests of everyone involved in mind.
A couple weeks ago one of my friends told me she had found disturbing videos on youtube by my daughter where she talks about how she hates Jews, Muslims, people who aren't white, and identifies as a "National Socialist". A good amount of my and my husband's friends and neighbors are Jewish, including the person who brought this to my attention. These people have been in my daughter's life for years and have known her and it has spread in our social circle that she is making these videos. Our friends are obviously shocked and hurt, and we are as well. We're also baffled as this is not at all how we raised her, we do not know how she got into this stuff or why but we looked it up and watched all of it and it's undoubtedly her in the videos, filming herself in our home, even wearing shirts with neo-Nazi symbols we didn't know she'd bought, and putting racist views on the internet.
When this happened we quickly confronted her about her online behavior and made it clear she was to stop immediately and delete her channel. I admit we were quite upset and the argument quickly escalated where she got very defensive and condescending towards us. Things have been very tense between her and us since then and I've tried various tactics - the yelling and demanding didn't work, so I tried to ask why she believes these things and does she understand the full impact of what she's saying, etc. She is completely serious about it, not doing it as any sort of parody. I don't know if she really grasps the implications of what she's saying, not just politically but personally as well, how it affects real people including people she knows in real life. Maybe the worst part is that she says she DOES fully understand this.
Her channel is still up and she has continued to post a couple more videos since we found it. She's been asking for financial donations from her followers too. I'm honestly at my wits end trying to get through to her. I've had some of my Jewish friends try to talk to her and that went horribly. I had our priest try to talk to her and that didn't make a difference either. I've grounded her, still no difference. I've explained the history of the Holocaust and the Nazis, she says it's a lie.
So how do we make this stop? Our friends can't understand how she's still posting this stuff and some have started to think we don't care and are also secretly racist or anti Semitic. So it's causing rifts in our friend group as well as fighting between us and her. And I have no doubt it will and probably already has spread outside our friends to other people in town as well.
And then there's of course the possibility that anyone else could come across her videos and that nothing can be permanently deleted from the internet. This will follow her potentially for the rest of her life with applying to colleges, jobs, and anyone who does a search on her. I have explained this as well and even appealing to what should be her sense of self-interest has had no effect. She really has no idea the gravity of the mistake she's making.
We desperately need suggestions on anything we haven't thought of yet as a way to get through to her about how serious and unacceptable this is. I'd honestly take any stereotypical type of teenage rebellion over this.
TL;DR teenage daughter has been making youtube videos where she expresses neo-Nazi white supremacist views and says hateful things towards various minority groups. My husband and I have been unsuccessful at getting her to stop doing this and it's causing a lot of conflict in our family and with our Jewish friends.