Stream Update

I just wanna let everyone know that I haven't been feeling myself lately with streaming. As you may have noticed, I have been streaming basically every single day for the past 6 months or so. I've put so many hours into streaming, so much so, that I may have even streamed more than some full time streamers. It's kinda crazy to think about. Anyways, let's get to the point of this paste.

As of late, streaming as a whole had become more of a chore, or an obligation, rather than a fun activity. I've been so caught up with the while numbers game. The number of viewers per stream, amount of followers I have, or how many followers I have gained/lost, etc. I've made it so these numbers mean a lot to me, which they really shouldn't. I let them get to me, and that dictates how I act on stream. It's horrible really. I used to make YouTube videos, but the spark I had for that died fast. That's why I stopped because no one watched. Then I moved on to Twitch.

Quick note. Just compare my old streams from a year ago to my current streams. I was way more enthusiastic and had way more fun in the past. The spark I had is fading, which makes me sad.

Another point I'd like to make is my own faults. I've seemed to have fallen into this terrible pit of comparison to other streamers. For example, I notice how some streamer has more followers and/or followers than I do, yet they have been streaming about the same amount of time that I have. I put that on myself as my own fault, which in turn causes me to do worse as a streamer.

Now onto other things: speedrunning. As of late, my main focus had been the Metroid Prime series, more specifically Prime 1 abd the occasional Echoes thrown in as well. Well, at first, I was having lots of fun running these games, but once again I feel into the trap of comparing myself to others, this time my PB's. At times I feel like I can't compete, or that im no good and shouldn't try. I feel like I push myself to run theses games, when I'm all honesty I have no actual drive to do so. It's sad really. Essentially, it's like I am just running them because others are running them. This leads me to another thing about speedrunning and that is the Prime low%'s.

You wanna know why I started 21% and 6%? Not because I truly wanted to do so. No. I did them because 1) other people were doing it, so why can't I do it and 2) I some reason felt that I need to prove myself to others that I could do it. I'm really annoyed with my self about this. Honestly, it's really sad and lame that I did this. All it did was make me more annoyed about the games that I love. I've come to question I'd I want to speedrun these games anymore. It's tough.

I don't wanna drag this out any longer than it should. Maybe I already dragged it out to long. Anyways, my final words are this: I am just generally stressed our about streaming. I may need to take a break, or fund new games to speedrun, or just go casual for a week or so, to relax. I need to find out what works for me and what well reignite the spark that I used to have with streaming. May also you help me out as well. Thanks for taking the time for reading this paste, and have a good day.