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>wake up to my name being called
>see dullahan wife shaking my shoulder
>"If you're going to force me to come to the theater at least try to watch the movie awake, Anon"
>Yeah, sorry, the latter half isn't as good as the former, but I love this movie, it is truly the American experience we never had
>"Sure, whatever, it's almost over anyway, do you want to leave?"
>Nah, wait for me here, I'll just go to the bathroom real quick, I feel something trying to burst from my stomach
>leave the room and head to the bathroom
>no one inside, perfect
>grab backpack from a stall
>climb up a toilet into the ventilation duct
>crawl my way to the projection room
>stealthly approach the projectionist and give him a karate chop
>take out a reel out of my backpack
>A movie doesn't come all on one big reel. lt comes on a few. Someone has to switch the projectors
at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins. You can see little dots come into the upper right corner of the screen. In the industry, we call them cigarette burns.
>switch the projector to the reel I brought
>smoothly slide the fuck out of the room and back into my seat besides dulla waifu
>not even a humming bird would catch me at work
>continue watching Full Metal Jacket
>sniper scene
>wife rests her head on my shoulder, while I eat some popcorn
>suddenly, a penis flashes over the screen for a second
>everyone looks around in confusion
>"What the hell was that?"
>That's the signal
>"The what?"
>stand up and scream like a mad man
>wife's head falls over to my seat
>"Anon, what the fuck are you doing this time?! I thought movie time was sacred for you!"
>stretch myself and scream just like a pig in a jewish slaughter house
>wife grabs her head and reaches my shoulder
>"Anon, please, stop this, what are you--"
>crouch and fall down the stairs to the screen
>everyone is watching
>"Jesuschrist, Anon, are you ok?!"
>begin coughing blood, grab my stomach and duck myself
>IT'S COMING! IT'S FINALLY COMING OUT!!
>disgusting alien head bursts out of my stomach, in an explosion of blood and guts
>fall to the floor as the alien head gives a demonic screech
>the audience panics and begins jumping from their sits out the theatre
>"What in the actual fuck?! Is this Alien?! Are you seriously doing Alien now?!"
>N-No... You don't get it yet... Th-The movie...
>point to the screen
>suddenly, the audio track of the movie changes
>my voice comes out of all the characters, they just begin humming the melody of Pink Floyd's In the Flesh
>then, as the lyrics begin, wife's face turns pale
>it's her voice singing, coming from the gook in the movie who should be praying in vietnamese
>"SO YA THOUGHT YA MIGHT LIKE GO TO THE SHOW!!" she sang
>"Anon, what the fuck, when did you record this?!"
>Y-you... Honey... The wall...
>"The wall?"
>crashing out the walls, a group of fluffy, green alien costumes surrounded us
>"ARE THERE ANY QUEERS IN THE THEATER TONIGHT? GET THEM UP AGAINST THE WALL!!"
>stand up doing a pirouette and grab wife's hand
>They're coming, babe! They're gonna get us, run!
>"What the fuck, Anon? I'm just seriously confused!!"
>run through the rows of seats avoiding getting captured by the aliens
>they eventually manage to leave us without escape, completely surrounding us
>the song ends, the movie finally moves on
>a distinctive pink alien walks up to us speaking gibberish
>nod to everything
>"What is she saying?"
>Oh, she's just saying random words to see if we understand any
>she then points to the alien head coming from my belly
>I think she wants this thing, should we give them our baby?
>"Our baby? Since when is this toy our kid?"
>the pink alien clenches her fist in desperation, but then she just kneels downs 
>"Dear Lord, just give her the damn thing!"
>Ok, then! But then don't be telling me I don't value our family!
>pull the alien head toy out from my shirt and give it to the pink alien
>the pink alien hugs it joyfully
>another song begins playing in the movie just like the one before
>the pink alien then calls one of her underlings
>a green alien brings a doll, a baby, and give it to us
>Oh, I see, our babies were switched in the hospital after labour
>"Wait, how does that work?"
>give the baby to dullahan wife
>bow to the pink alien
>she goes away with her green aliens and her baby
>the room is empty, except for us, now
>Ok, now, this is our baby
>"Our baby, what the fuck are you talking about? Why did you do all this crazy bullshit for, Anon?"
>Well, first of all, I'll be honest with you, I've lied
>"You've lied? What do you mean by that? Is it serious?"
>Yes, very serious. I told you I loved this movie, but that's false. I love the first half, I can't enjoy the rest, I just can't. I read the screenplay once and realized they intended to chop the sniper's head off, but they didn't. Now everytime I see the second half with the gook sniper, I can't stop but think about you. I don't like seeing death and destruction with you in mind. I hate it.
>"Wh-What?"
>No man should be forced to watch a hellscape and associate that with the love of his life. It feels sick. That's the only reason I'm doing an exception for my sacred movie time.
>"Anon..." she looks at me
>hug her tight and then hold the baby in front of her
>Second of all...
>point to the big screen
>as the credits roll, a song begins
>instead of Paint It Black, Pink Floyd's Thin Ice begins playing, of course, sang by dullahan wife
>"Momma loves her baby... And Daddy loves you too"
>look at wife straight to the eyes and say
>Do you think we're ready for kids?
>wife begins tearing up
>hugs me tighter
>hold her head in my shoulder
>"I love you, Anon"
>I know