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>Sitting around at home doing jack shit.

>Get text from a friend that he won some tickets or something to come to a metal concert to some band I've never heard of.

>Wants me to come cause I'm the only one without plans.

>fuck you I have plans, I plan to set here in this chair and do jack shit.

>Begs me to come and I end up caving.

>Looks like I'm going to a metal concert.

>Be at the concert, it's already packed and I'm rubbing shoulders with my friend on my left and some huge guy with hair down to his lower back on my right.

>Just know I'm going to get slapped in the face by his sweaty mop before the night's over.

>Already regret being here but it's too late to leave now.

>I don't even know who's playing, didn't care to ask.

>Close enough to the stage to get a good look at the band playing, about what I expected too.

>A bunch of guys dressed in black and adorned in silver skull accessories.

>The singer, however, was a woman.

>Really tall for a woman, skin so pale that I'm half convinced it's just makeup, she looked like she'd been crying a river before she came on stage, her eyeliner was running all the way down her cheeks.

>Was that intentional? It had to be.

>The music played and it was as loud as I expected.

>The singer, however, was far louder.

>Between lyrics, she let out a wail so shrill that I had chills running down my spine even though the room was sweltering hot due to all the bodies in her.

>It wasn't bad though, the music was actually quite good.

>Actually got to enjoy myself listening to her sing.

>I didn't even get whip in the face by the guy next to me.

>Eventually the concert was over and I start shuffled off to go back to my friend's car.

>Feel a hand on me and look to see my friend tell me I'm going the wrong way, the backroom is this way.

>What?

>Tells me that part of the prize was getting to me the band that just played in person.

>The night was not yet over it seemed.

>And so we were backstage, my friend getting all chummy with most of the members of the band while I sat on the sofa.

>With their singer sitting right next to me.

>Staring at me with those unnatural ice blue eyes of hers.

>Feel cold all over again.

>Hahaha… oh wow… y-you go all out with the makeup and stuff huh?

>She doesn't say a word.

>Uuuh… you… have a nice voice?

>God this is awkward as hell.

>I was never good with women in the first place and that was when they weren't looking directly into my soul.

<"Thank you…"

>Her response was nearly a whisper but I could hear it as clear as day, like every other sound in the room dimmed so she could be heard.

>Try to make things less awkward by asking more questions, mostly about how long she's been in the band and such.

>She responded intently enough and we pass the time.

>Don't hear my friend anymore, look over to see he and the other band members have all gone.

>I am along with the creepy lady.

>Look back to see her inches from my face.

<"What's your name?"

>A-… Anon?

<"Anon… I like that name."

>Now that she's this close, leaning forwards enough for her cleavage to be right in my line of sight in that low cut top… she was kind of cute… in a creepy way.

<"Anon… do you want to exchange numbers?"

>Girl asked for my number.

>Automatically say yes, because fuck, I might never get a chance like this again!

>She smiles for the first time since we started talking, a small smile but that seemed only to make it more prominent.

>We exchange details and talk a bit longer before my friend returns to take me home.

>and that's how I got a creepy goth girl's number!

-----------------------------------

> new family is moving into the desolate moor next door

> Mom takes you to their crumbling keep to say hi

> guess they have a little girl your age or something

> she turns out to be a super pale, super shy thing named Gormghlaith

> tries to hide behind her Mom's shawl

> eventually the grown-ups coax her out and send the two of you outside to play

> she just hides in the shadows and stares at you with wide eyes

> boring

> this is when you make your first mistake

> decide to run around and climb on the rocks a bit

> slip and fall

> ow

> little girl rushes to your side and starts crying

> this is where you make your second mistake

> you accept her hug and start crying to

> in your defense you were just a little kid

> but this error was irreversible

> from then on you can't get rid of the girl

> she follows you everywhere, crying sympathetically at every tiny little thing which goes wrong for you

> get a "B" on a test

< etherealWailing.mp3

> skin your knee

< inconsolableSobbing.webm

> your team loses the big game

< unearthlyLamentations.midi

> this goes on for years

> finally at the age where girls are enticing

> also at the age where monster girls are starting to attack

> or "enthusiastically pursue marital bliss" as the squirrel on the news says

> having a literal wailing banshee following you everywhere kind of cuts down on your suitors unfortunately

> kind of cuts down on most social contact to be honest

> having a rare moment of peace when Leanan Sidhe art teacher asks you to get something out of storage

> Hm, that's odd. That clay amphora looks new. What could be in it?

> something seems off here but you feel strangely compelled to open the jar

> realize your mistake the instant you remove the lid

> two impossibly strong arms grab yours and pull you inside

> you're floating in a strange place

> someone is spooning you

> you feel so safe and loved…

> you don't fight as the arms start to unbutton your shirt

> your reverie is shattered by the sound of pottery breaking

> you find yourself lying on the storeroom floor, surrounded by pot shards and covered in small cuts from the same

> a dusky-skinned girl lies next to you, dazed and totally nude

> recognize Jinn of the Jar girl from your class

> Gormghlaith looms over you both

> expect her to start sobbing

> she cries when you get paper cuts for Pete's sake

> instead she just gives you a strange look

< "Could you wait outside for a minute? We need to have some girl talk."

> you have never seen her like this

> she's terrifying

> stumble out of the storeroom and numbly try to fix your shirt

> hear crashing and indistinct shouting

> door flies open and the jinn girl sprints out, desperately (and ineffectually) trying to hide her nakedness with her hands while running

< "IF YOU NEED A NEW JAR THEY HAVE TRASH CANS IN THE CAFETERIA BITCH!"

> after a moment Gormghlaith calmly floats out

> she doesn't look at you, just frowns and taps her chin

> after a few moments she seems to come to a decision

< "Yeah, fuck the old ways. I'm not waiting for you to die. Especially if bitches are going after technically free guys clearly marked as 'childhood friend'."

> ice-cold hands, stronger and surer than death, grab your collar and drag you back into the storeroom

> goodbye dreams of wizard powers

-----------------------------------

>be single anon

>live in post-DotR Virginia

>have a family curse that when the next male child is born, the father dies around that date

>the curse has an effect on your marital prospects, as mamono avoid you like the plague, except undead mamono

>But other men seem 

>It seems like you're cursed out of a waifu too

>decide to travel to your ancestral home, Ireland, to relieve the pain

>The travel agent owl mage mentions an ancient Celtic town that's only populated with undead mamono and incubi and close to the Atlantic, very popular for history buffs and cultural connoisseurs

>next month, go on the trip

>the village is as expected, many traditional round houses mixed built with modern material with the Gothic downtown buildings, several pubs that act as homes and inns, 

>and plenty of undead men, mamono women, and children

>except the few living tourists like yourself

>go to a lively pub, order a local brew, and sit by a wright who was by herself

<My dead lad, what is a young qt like you doing in Ireland?

Oh, I needed to get away from my home in the States cause I  was feeling lonely and wanted to go explore the world to ease my troubles.

<I hear ye. I'm married myself to a loving husband and I wish

<I must warn you. Do not go to the near-by cliffs around this time at night. There is a voice of a woman that curses the land

>This piques your interests and after questioning several pub patrons

>At night you sneak your way with your rental car to the cliff-side, near the location that the locals described

>There's an apparently abandoned house/inn, with a slope down to the seawater, a dilapidated pier, and several abandoned ships

>you go down to the docks with a dimmed flashlight, turning it off when you barely see an ethereal Gothic woman standing at the edge.

>You hide behind a crate, watching for several minutes

>The woman turns her head as if she senses someone 

>Dear God she must have cried till all the water in her blood spilled out

>Turning back to the sea, you hear the most other-worldly voice you have experienced

<I wish I was on yonder hill.  'Tis there I'd sit and cry my fill

>You never had a chance. She captured your heart in the first verse.

<Until every tear would turn a mill. Is go dté tú mo mhúirnín slán"

>As she sang "mhúirnín" she turned back to you this time in your direction as if she knew you were there

>She kept singing; and as she sang, you began noticing some sharp changes to yourself.

>The moonlight revealed your skin turning pale, deathly pale. You start feeling immensely cold as if your body heat was sucked out of you. You tried calling out but could only make brief, quiet grunts and groans.

<Siúil, siúil, siúil a rún. (Go, go, go, my love.) Siúil go sochair agus siúil go ciúin. (Go quietly and go peacefully) Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom. (Go to the door and fly with me)

>She started floating to your hiding spot. But you, petrified by her charm and necromantic, romantic magic, could not move your legs. You arms were stiff as if you had rigor mortis

>You look at your limbs and notice your hands looking a bit gauntly, and your mind grew dim of worldly cares, all cares except for loving this beautiful woman

>The banshee floating right above you lifts her hands, causing you to float to her. She embraces and kisses you

<Ah I found my love, now in death, we may be together forever

>Great, you're now a zombie, but at least you got a qt wife

>Within ten months, after formally marrying your wife and bringing her back to the States, you have a son.

-----------------------------------

>Banshee gf wants to go to a kareoke night at the local bar with you and sing as a duo

>cues up Evanescence on machine

>but you've been preparing for this moment for the last few days

>As she makes her way through the first breathy lines of the song solo, you surreptitiously unzip your black leather jacket behind her to unveil a light pink polo with a popped collar underneath

>flash a thumbs up to the barkeep as he rolls his eyes and gets the remote control for the machine ready

>pretty much every other patron in the bar has realized where this is going, and are now waiting eagerly in anticipation

>It's time for the chorus as she whispers into the mic "back….home"

>lean over her shoulder

>WAKE ME UP-

>in the split second before you continue she looks back at you with a slight smile, only for it to disappear and be replaced with a look of abject horror as she finally realizes what's going on

>barkeep hits the power button on the remote to shut down the karaoke machine while simultaneously slapping a button under the counter

>the lights go from dimmed and moody to bright and gaudy neon

>BEFORE YOU GO GO

>slide out in front of Banshee and start doing the Sprinkler as the sounds of Wham kick in

>DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING ON LIKE A YO YO

>all the patrons in the bar are up and dancing, people doing the Running Man and Cabbage Patch all over the place

>there's even a Baphomet in the corner doing the Macarena

>WAKE ME UP

>grab GF and start jitterbugging with her

>BEFORE YOU GO GO

>she's trying to glare at you, but it's hard to glare at someone who's just donned a pair of oversized banana yellow, star-shaped sunglasses

>I DON'T WANT TO MISS A SINGLE THING AT ALL

>doesn't stop her from adorably pouting on the drive home after spending another two hours at the bar working your way together through a playlist of 80's greatest love songs

-----------------------------------

>Be Anon with a Banshee gf

>she’s a little too obsessed with Disney songs

>takes literally any opportunity to shoehorn a lyric into daily life

>it’s starting to drive you insane

>decide to take her on a trip to go hang out with one of your old college buddies

>he has a lot of good stories, hopefully, it’ll take her mind off the songs

>knock on the door, buddy opens it with a woman in his arms

>he must’ve gotten married, good for him

>at least that’s what you think until you get a better look at his wife

>She’s an Ice Queen

>Oh no

>nonono

>look at waifu’s face

>we’re reaching levels of smug that shouldn’t even be possible.jpg

>break out into a cold sweat and starts panicking over the inevitable onslaught of puns and references

<what’s the matter, babe? You look like you have a lot of tension pent up inside right now.

>leans in to whisper in your ear

<maybe you just need to Let It Go~

>you’re gonna have an aneurysm before this is over