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“You DARE stand against ME?!”

Plumes of smoke bellowed from the volcanos behind a tall figure, wreathed in darkness. He towered over the group of three, high above the cliffs they stood on, pitch black claws raised far beyond their heads. He saw a fairy wearing silver robes chatting idly with the only human companion there, who was fiddling with one of the many ribbons that decorated her long, brown hair and lined her pink clothes.

“-and then I told him, ‘Look, your being here offends my very existance, so you need to get the fuck out,’ “ said the fairy, hovering slightly above her friend’s head and taking a seat in midair. “And you know what he did? He fucking laughed and went on a spiel about how terrible humanity is and all that other stuff villains tend to yap about for hours on end! ME! He told ME all of this and spewed out phillosphy for a grand total of three hours. Three hours! Do you know how many episodes of Big O I could have watched in that time?!”

“That sucks!” the human replied, wincing in sympathy. “Why’d you listen to him for so long?”

The fairy flopped over the human’s shoulder and let out a groan. “Because I thought hey, what if I was nice and listened to all his problems? Maybe after ranting and getting all that bullshit out of his system, he’ll be a perfectly normal guy who just needed a therapy session! But no, all he did was talk, talk, talk, then fire beams that blew up chunks of planet at a time while he was trying to be super evil.”

“Ow, that’s a bad way to repay that. So, what happened next?”

“Ohoho, you reaaaally want to know? I-“

Several minutes of outright ignoring the demonic shadow did his temper no good, so he bellowed, “Once again, I ask: You DARE stand against me, you pathetic mortals?! Do you seek death so much as to challenge ME, the great Lamaurch?!?”

Unimpressed and annoyed, the fairy turned to him and snapped, “Excuse me, I’m talking to someone here. I’ll deal with low-tier garbage like you in a second.” Without skipping a beat, she turned back to her friend and continued, “I went and summoned Lyra to put him to sleep, then warped him into a volcano. I wasn’t about to deal with someone who spouts philosphy with every punch! I was already half asleep when he actually got serious!”

If Lamaurch had any veins, one would threaten to pop out of his skull. “HOW DARE YOU CALL ME LOW TIER? I have traveled dimensions and RENDED several worlds apart! I have brought entire galaxies to their knees! I could conquer this world in a blink of an eye, and yet you call me low tier?!”

“If you could, why haven’t you done it yet?” the fairy snapped back. “Oh, wait, it can’t be because you’re stupid and gloating over your other victories! Oh nooo, of course not, because the bad guys are aaaaaalways smart and always win, riiight?”

“Shut up, Arianne.” The fairy turned towards the source of the voice with a glare. Lamaurch turned as well, spotting a dog wreathed in flames, donning pitch black armor from the neck down. His head looked more like a dog-head shaped rock with craters than an actual dog, the demon noticed when he squinted. The armored rock dog glanced at Arianne and said, “You need to learn to shut up when it’s obvious they’re just going to get pissed off. They want a fight? Let’s give ‘em one already!”

Arianne crossed her arms. “Are you serious?! I’m not going to deal with garbage like him when I could be getting a manicure right now!”

“We get PAID for this, you stupid fairy! It’s our job!” the dog barked, the red hot flames expanding around his entire body.

“When the fuck has main base ever given us a decent wage for any of our jobs these days?” Arianne snapped back, pointing toward Lamaurch. “This guy is just Alliance of Evil levels of stupid! I looked through the records: his idea of conquering worlds and galaxies? Just outright taking official seals from every governing body on every planet! He even fucking stole the Declaration of Independence AND the Constitution in another dimension! This is a pathetic villain trying to parade as, oh, I don’t know, Mr. Terrorhate. Who isn’t even an interdimensional threat, just a galactic threat who’s been dead for god knows how long!”

An audible gasp escaped the human’s lips as her hands flew to her mouth. “You’re joking!” she said. “Who goes and steals the Constitution like that without getting shot down? How many Constitutions did he steal?”

The fairy turned back towards the human and replied, “Eighteen, Diadem. Eighteen Constitutions, in his pocket. How sad are you to even steal those when you could just wipe the USA off the map?”

Rage boiled beneath the surface as Arianne listed off more failings, but that comment brought it all to the forefront. A purple aura surrounded the villain as he roared, “ENOUGH! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill all of you, and then you’ll all see!” He waved his claws and summoned several dark orbs, sending them flying towards the motley group en masse. Dirt and dust rose as they collided with the ground, a loud cackle echoing through the night as the group was swallowed up by it.

“That will teach you not to speak ill of me!” Lamaurch said, watching the dust clear. “None have ever survived that-“

Imagine his surprise when the dust completely clears, and the group still stood, a glittering barrier surrounding them. Arianne had a hand held up high, but now she let it down and said, “Never say never, because we just did. At least see if we’re dead before gloating.

Dia? Hot Streak? Do your things.”

“You got it!” Dia replied, the ribbons unwinding themselves around her. They struck as quickly as vipers, winding themselves tight around the demon’s arms, waist, and neck. “Sorry about this,” she says to Lamaurch with an apologetic smile, “but a job’s a job, and I have a pizza with my name on it waiting for me at home!” 

The ribbons tugged, tightening themselves around the demon’s body, keeping him perfectly still as Hot Streak leapt high into the sky, conjuring two big shields in his hands and wreathing himself completely in flames. Like a meteor, he fell down and yelled, “METEOR STRIKE!” before crashing into Lamaurch’s skull. 

Without saying a thing like, “I’VE FAAAAILLED YOU!” or “CURSE YOUUUU” or any villainous thing of the sort, the demon fell to the ground below, blood spurting where the shields made their mark.