I just wanna start this off with saying I’m sorry. Sorry for the trouble I’ve caused and the feelings I’ve hurt. I’ve never claimed to be a perfect person, but I’ve always been someone who has a hard time getting along with people because my emotions blind me. I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing, and I’m generally just not a good friend and haven’t been. I’m too emotionally sensitive and let my sadness and anger get in the way of everything else, and it’s always been that way. Even a perfectly normal day can be ruined by the smallest thing that upsets me and gets me started on the same self-destructive path. And I know that if I just keep holding onto the past, keep holding onto what was and what could have been, I will never truly change. I’ll always hurt over the things I’ve done wrong instead of getting the strength to move forward.

So with that in mind, I’m going to regretfully leave this server and what we made here behind. I want to believe that things can change. That things can go back to normal and I could be a friend to you all in a normal way again. I want to believe that a time may come when I can hangout with you all and not feel unwelcomed by my very existence and actions. But at this point, I know better. I know that there’s no changing what’s happened and there’s no way I can take any of it back. So I want to be stronger. I want to be a better person for those I have now. But I accept that I can’t fix what I’ve lost or broken, and I accept that I can’t expect those I’ve hurt  to pretend things are okay with me either.

I don’t expect leaving this server to turn my life around, nor do I expect my relationships with any of you to improve because of this. But I want to accept the past. Accept that things can’t change now, so I can carve my way towards a better future with what I have. I don’t want to lose what we all had. And I certainly don’t want to forget it. But that’s why I’m not going to cling on to this and what I’ve lost. Instead I’m going to hold those good times with me as I move on and start a new period in my life. I’m going to remember things at their best and use it for the golden point to work towards in this new chapter. I may never have the same dynamic that we all had again. I may never have friends like you all again. But I know what happiness can be because of you all. I know what friendship can be. I know what it’s like to be cared for, to be accepted. To be a friend to someone. And all that time we spent together messing around helped me through some of the darkest nights. All I can hope is that they helped you too.

I’m not asking for forgiveness or pity or anything like that. With the posting this, I only have one hope. That you can all remember me the way I was before. The nights we had laughing and gaming, the memes we shared, and the feelings we could all share with each other because of this long built up trust. Please remember the good we had, the good we could bring to each other, and instead of using it to fuel anger, sadness, or regret, use it to fuel you to move on and make even better times with the ones you have now, or the ones you have yet to meet. I wish everyone here nothing but the best and even if you might not believe me, all I’ve wanted was to make you all happy. To make your life brighter. I might have failed at that. And I’ll never stop being sorry that I did. But I’ll use these failures to form even greater successes, I swear it.