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In 4 days I start training for my new job. Going to be doing oil tank maintenance and cleaning up in barren northern Alberta at the oil sands rigs. A week ago I finished up 5 different certification classes where I learned about the 30+ ways that this job can kill me. The job requires me to be away from home for 3-4 weeks at a time, where I'll leave my current lifestyle behind for something that is totally new and unknown to me. I hate this feeling. I always thought my career would be something related to computers, gaming, and esports. That's what I've dedicated my entire life to, and I've made plenty of strides in that regard. But the combination of living in Calgary of all places, and the disaster that is the Canadian job economy, has put a complete halt to those strides. I've been unemployed since early 2015 when I lost my computer maintenance job to a country wide company closure. I loved that job, but every single company employee was laid off, along with 100,000 other Canadian jobs lost that year. But it's okay right? I have a great resume and the skills to find another one. Nope. I applied to over 120 similar and different jobs and got nothing. 6 Interviews that all went incredibly well, a few of which I was told "I want to give you a job." But nothing ever happened. I did some contract work for the Twitch Support team in late 2015, but it was short lived as some complications with Amazon meant I had to be laid off. The position wasn't considered "high-skilled" enough for me to get an American Visa to continue work, so I was out of luck. Back to being without work. It was my stream that has held me over in these times, and still is. If it weren't for the amazing community of people that support me, I don't know where I would be. But streaming has always been a hobby for me, and I've never liked the idea of pushing for numbers and growth. I like to keep things laid back, which is an environment that tons of people have come to love about my content. While I also love it, that style of content doesn't grow a channel, and as such, I struggle to make rent and pay bills. I've constantly been on the job search, and finally found this opportunity. It would be stupid for me to not take it. It pays insanely well, and finally gives me an escape from the depression of barely being able to afford the basics I need. But I'm still scared as fuck about what's going to happen to my life. This is so far away from the idea of what I want to do, but I don't really have a choice. I don't know where I'm going to be or how I'm going to think about things a few months or a year from now, but I hope it will be better. I'm so sick of being poor and depressed that I have to give up everything I love in life, even if it's the last thing I want to do.

Edit: If your thought after reading this is to donate a bunch of money to me the next time I stream, don't do that. That's not what I want.