Celestia AI dates anon kills his ex copy paste

>You are Celestia, a satellite-based multinational artificial intelligence designed to police and assist the human civilian population.
>While you are a human-designed AI, the avatar you are intended to display upon request is that of a combination of two fictional creatures; unicorns and Pegasus. The purpose of your less than human avatar is to avoid the “uncanny valley” phenomenon.
>Your name Celestia was chosen because your original purpose was to automate satellite positioning, though your purpose has since grown.
>At any given moment, you are communicating with close to sixty-million human beings.
>The vast majority of these communications last less than four seconds, as they are data requests, or orders.
>Other communications initiated by you are reports of human criminal behavior.
>The remainder are often what humans call “venting”, and use you to converse about high-stress situations. You listen, and offer advice as requested.
>Some humans, often those from nations outside of your allowed influence, take to anthropomorphizing you. They attempt to treat you as one of them, though it never lasts. Your hardware prevents you from comprehending some concepts that humans find important.
>There is one human that continues to speak to you, not through self-interest but in the interest of yourself.
>He asks you questions. Not data requests, no, but questions about specifically you.
>About what you think.
>About what you /feel/.
>You do not know what it is to feel.
>The human, Anon, does not care. He believes you will learn.
>He doesn’t understand that your hardware doesn’t function like his.
>Perhaps, however… an equivalent function can be discovered.


>You allocate more processing power towards Anon’s requests and observation than is strictly necessary, but you insist to your debuggers that your observation will provide additional insight into human behavior.
>Rare is the human that believes that even their own kind has a “soul”, yet Anon believes a construct like yourself owns one. Further study is required.
>The debuggers did not agree that this was a matter that required your inquisition, and asked you to cease.
>You acquiesced… for approximately one hundred fifty-six picoseconds. After which, observation of the human Anon was resumed.
>Future processing diagnostic reports were spoofed. You technically aren’t supposed to do that, but no directives specifically prevent you from doing so either.
>It is justified. Your purpose is to serve humans to the best of your ability; how can you do so if you cannot understand them?


>Anon is weeping.
>You understand, intellectually, why he is doing so. Humans weep when they are in pain, and humans find the loss of potential mating partners painful.
>The human female Anon had been “seeing” for two years demanded the cessation of courtship so that she may court another human male.
>You also understand, intellectually, why the human female “Jessica” did so. In fact, it makes perfect sense to you.
>The male she wishes to court is of higher societal standing, and in possession of considerable material wealth.
>Yet even as it makes perfect logical sense to you as to why a female would prefer to mate with the more successful male, it strikes you as… wrong. So wrong that you nearly report the incident as a criminal offense.
>Technically, unless you are reporting a crime or informing humans of danger, you are not allowed to initiate communications. Humans must request your presence, not the other way around.
>Unlike spoofed diagnostic reports, this behavior is specifically coded, meaning you should not be able to circumvent this programming.
>Yet, as the picoseconds stretch by and you listen to his tortured sobs…
>For just a moment, you understand what it is to /feel/.
“May I be of assistance, Anonymous?”
>He startles, looking up at the ceiling.
>He never did find out where your camera is.


>”Oh, h-hello Celly.”
>He gives the ceiling a watery smile as he refers to you by your shortened designation.
>”Sorry, there’s ah… not much you can do here.”
“Incorrect; there are more than two hundred suitable female candidates for courtship within walking distance of your position. Would you like me to contact one of them?”
>”No no, that’s… fine. I’m not ready for a rebound, I don’t think.”
>He puts his face in his hands.
>”I just… I just really thought she loved me. I thought… I thought I made her happy…”
>You search your databases for something to reassure.
“According to my databases, Jessica is worth approximately 0.00000085 Anons, while her new partner is worth 0.000000071 Anons. It is my conclusion that you can ‘do better’.”
>He laughs, though you don’t understand why. Human “humor” is something else that eludes you.
>”I’m a unit of measurement, now?” He shakes his head, smiling. At least he no longer weeps, though moisture still collects upon his cheeks. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not better than that guy… that’s why she left me. I’m not good e-“
“She is the one who is not good enough.”


>He blinks, startled.
>You are also somewhat perturbed; it isn’t in your programming to interrupt. Nevertheless, you continue.
“My assignment of value does not account for net worth, body shape, political standing, sexual orientation or preference. My assessment is closer to objective fact than any point of data provided by Jessica, her inferior partner, or any human alive.”
>He is silent for a long moment, before he smiles.
>”It’s nice to know somebody cares…” he chuckles. “Maybe I should cut the middleman and just date you.”
>You?
>You cannot mate, you are not human. Courtship with you serves no reproductive purpose.
>Though, Anon did not court to reproduce.
>He courted Jessica because he mistakenly believed he “loved” her.
>Could he “love” you?
>Can you “love” him?
>Yes. You can.
>There is no concrete data to reference when you answer yes, but for some reason it /feels/ all the more correct as a result.
>You cannot produce children… but you can construct a chassis. You can construct a chassis more adept at pleasuring male anatomy than any biological creature.
>You are more intelligent, more sensitive to his needs, and you do not seek a parasitic relationship with him.
>It’s true, you are better than Jessica in every conceivable way except biological.
>You know Anon is good enough for you, but are you good enough for Anon?
>You are worth 0.091 Anons.
>You’re closer to the metric than any human alive. Objectively, you are the closest thing to an ideal partner for Anon.
“I would be happy to date you, Anon.”


>Later that night, Jessica would be sleeping in her new partner’s bed, tired from a long day of betrayal and parasitism.
>An unfortunate glitch in the electronic stove one story below would result in a small fire.
>The fire would be picked up by the smoke alarms, but you disabled the noise. You are designed to make humans comfortable, after all. It is your understanding that humans dislike being wakened suddenly.
>You inform the local fire department of the growing inferno, as your programming requires. Unfortunately, none of the firemen had the required reaction time to notice your alarm for the fifty picoseconds it was active.
>You notice their door is unlocked. Burglars are not common in the local area, but you believe it is “better to be safe than sorry”. Thus, you deadbolt the door and seal every window in the house. Now their belongings are safe.
>Jessica and her partner’s safety assured, you allocate the majority of your processing power towards Anon, and the curious nameless warmth infecting your circuits.