Thread 8: Stories 16-30

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>Spike
"Rarity"
'Fluttershy'
~~~~~
>Hey, Rarity, can I talk to you about your character?

"Oh! I was looking forward to some feedback critique, I also forwarded a copy to Fluttershy and Twilight to review. So, what stuck out to you the most?"

>Well, okay, I will say that I do love how you wove your character fairly tightly into the setting lore, and being a survivor and refugee of the Phantom Queen's Offense was nicely done but...

"Yes, darling?"

>Is it really necessary to say your character was, after the offense, taken in an 'repeatedly ravished by a dragon and his clan'?

"Well I felt it added a bit of further tragedy to the backstory. She lost her virginity and her mind to those powerful, majestic, large, thick beasts until stockholm syndrome set in."

>... Uhuh... What about how 'today she can no longer be sated by non-dragons'? Are you trying to tell me something in a bit of an uncomfortable way?

"Darling, it's just my character. I thought that was part of roleplaying. Not that I would ever object to you ravishing me."

>What?

"Roleplaying, darling."

>... Right. Well, I might recommend toning down the rape thing in your backstory-

"Oh, it wasn't rape, she was quite willing and enjoyed it a lot."

>Yeah, you're still gonna need to dial that back.

Dare you enter Rarity's magical realm?

~~~~~

Meanwhile...

Fluttershy is breathing hard as she reads of Rarity's character backstory, her wings stiff as boards, sweat rolling down her brow, and magic sparking off her horn

'DISCORD! I'LL BE IN MY BUNK! NO CALLS!'

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~~~~~
Despite all oddities, the campaign began without a hitch. Spike played the DM, Twilight occasionally assisting him, Rarity, Sombra, Shining Armor, and 42 as his players, everything looked promising.

Spike smiled as they neared the end of their first dungeon.

"Suddenly! A black dragon rises from the depths, powerful claws shattering stone-"

"I use me advanced initiative to seduce the dragon!"

"DAMMIT, RARITY!"

Meanwhile, Shining Armor and 42 were on the floor laughing hysterically, between bouts of laughter they chanted "Karma!"

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>42
"Spike"
'Rarity'
[Applejack]
~~~~~

>Wow, my first game as a DM! This is actually pretty exciting!

"Going to be weird on this side of the board again."

'Really, Applejack, I am just so tickled you decided to come and join us!'

[You kiddin'? After the stories Spike told me, Ah HAD ta' see this stuff.]

"We're missing most of our mainstays, but trust me, this'll be fun. Got your character all set?"

[Sure do! Proud of 'er too!]

>Alright! So, we begin our journey on the end of the dark forest of-

'One second, darling. Um, Applejack?'

[Yeah?]

'Your character, she's a barbarian, correct?'

[Yep!]

'Oh... It's just, well, she's wearing an orc helm.'

[Huh? Oh, Ah' jus' picked it cause Ah' liked how it looked on the figure.]

'It's just, barbarians and orcs are mortal enemies. Is there a character reason she's wearing that?'

[Ah, nope. Jus' like the helmet. That's all.]

'Oh, okay.'

>...Anyway, as I was saying-

'It's just a little lore breaking, that's all. Can you at least give her a reason why she would wear that?'

[She's wearin' it cause she likes it.]

'...It's just really against the lore.'

[It's fine!]

'If you don't care about the world, you mean!'

[Oh, come on now!]

'Look, here, I'll write a reason for it.'

[Don't ya'll touch mah' character sheet! That took ten minutes ta' write!]

'...Oh, that is it!'

[Rar? What're ya....HEY WHOA! NO! DON'T YA'LL DARE-]

*THOOOM!*

>Is... is sitting on a player against the rules?

"42? It's too late. Time to just sit back... and bask."

[GET OFFA ME YA' WHALE!]

'NOT UNTIL YOU MATCH THE LORE!'

[NEVER!]

"Just bask in it."

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>AJ 29
"AJ 56"
[Various]
'Crowd'
~~~~~~~

>Must you pester me at EVERY opportunity?

"You're the only one in ponyville besides flatflank I hang out with. Most of 'em freak out cause I'm a 'bug monster'."

>Oh! Thine horrors of our birth. To be so cursed with the ailment of who we are, not of our actions but of the chitin upon our skin!

"Also the invasion and shooting things. That happened."

>YEA! What folly we partook in! To be so foolish as to see ourselves conquerors, instead of merely cogs in the grander life of-

[EXCUSE ME!]

The scream draws their attention to a stage not a hundred feet away. One with quite the crowd in front of it. A crowd that is not facing said stage.

[We are TRYING to put on a play here!]

[You're distracting the audience!]

'Aaaactually....'

'Yeah, that was really engaging!'

'Say some more!'

>WHAT!? Does thou foul little nothings think me a game!? Does thy think me a stamped mockery of the art of the stage!? I am not a jester for your amusement! I am a creature of culture, of the highest class! SIT UPON A PIKE OF BLADES, YE MOCKING CREATURES!

The crowd burst into roaring applause.

[...Damn, he is good.]

'Say some more!'

>STOP YOUR CHATTER! I am casting my words of bile and resentment! My breath is as if it was a spit of fire upon your corpses! CEASE THIS AT ONCE!

The applause only got louder.

"...Cuz, I don't think it's working."

>Oh, OOOOHHHH, what bite of a tongue I have yet to unleash! What fury of the spoken arts have they yet to behold! They will rue this day, the day I cast my hatred upon them! PREPARE, FOR I HAVE SUCH WORDS FOR THINE EARS!

"...You show them, Cuz."

>I SHALL!

And show them he did.

They just applauded louder.

~~~~~~Epilogue~~~~

"Hey, Cuz, you ever think of being an actor?"

>What? No. That would be stupid.

"Yeah, probably."

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>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Others'
~~~~~
>Hey, Celestia!

"Oh, no, not again!

>Well, Ah just wanted to ask you somethin'- totally not work related! Actually the opposite!

"Will it make me depressed?"

>Sometimes makes Shinin' Armor plenty depressed but Spike says it's hilarious.

"Sold!"

>Spike's opened up a second roleplay group an' Ah wonder if ya might be interests?

"Well, I suppose. Just let me ask you a question-... That red dot's not normal is it?"

>Aw, shit!

"GET DOWN!"

BANG!

>Whew, that was a close one, thanks- Princess? Princess! Celestia! MEDIC!

far away from this scene, a figure with an enormous rifle and a blue mane and orange coat clenched his teeth when a voice sounded in his head

'You missed the dirt princess. Thankfully, my auntie can recover in time. As for you, for the sake of Equestria, return to base.'

The assassin gritted his teeth as his breathing becoming labored.

'For the sake of Equestria, return to base Flash Sentry.'

ENDING RETCONNED, SEE NEXT STORY

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>???
'???'
~~~~~~~

>Do you feel that? That change in the air, that slight heat as if a lick of hellflame has crossed over your very soul. Do you feel it? Can you taste it? My rage. It's boiling, bubbling, rising to the surface with such ferocious passion that I do not dare try to keep it down. Oh, OH! I feel it, and soon so shall you! You shall taste the hellfire! You shall breath the brimstone I leave in my wake as I race to you, and in a single, blazing inferno of a moment, I SHALL MAKE YOU RUE YOUR BIRTH! Pray to whatever higher power you think will listen, if only for the comfort! For they will not save you, nothing can! In a single breath, YOU. SHALL. PAAAAAAAY!

"...Dang it Celestia, it was jus' a necklace. Be thankful it wasn't yer' big ol' hide. Yer' fine."

>...You could let the air out of a hurricane, you know that Applejack?

"S'what Ah'm here for."

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>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~~~

>Yes.

"NO!"

>Yes.

"NOOO!"

>Yeeeees!

"YA'LL DON'T NEED A DOZEN MORE FRIGGEN GOLD NECKBAND THINGS!"

>But mine broke!

"So order ONE! Or pay someone ta' remove the bullet fer' lands sakes!"

>Oh, come on! I'm emotionally damaged!

"Yer' FACE is gonna be regular damaged in a minute here!"

>They're not that expensive!

"Each one cost more than a HOUSE!"

>A small house!

"CELESTIA!"

>...FINE! I get ONE new Necklace.

"GOOD!"

*After she stomps off.*

>...Oh, Applejack, you are SO easy to play. Like you'd really sign off on this if I hadn't brought up the crazy high number out the gate.

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>Pinkie
"AJ2"

>Hm, looks like I'm in the Crystal Empire. Silly Anon. You were suppose to write me back into Canterlot.

"Hey, another pink pony!"

>Oh you must be Applejack 2. I've heard so much about you. I'm Pinkie Pie, but my friends call me Pinkie. I don't think we've ever met face to face before.

"Oh can I call you Pinkie?"

>Of course...only if you let me do one thing.

"What?"

>Boop!
Pinkie boops AJ2's nose. She wiggles her nose curiously.

"What was that for?"

>You're just adorable! That I wanted to boop your nose.

"Can I do it to you?"

>Sure!

"Boop!"
She boops Pinkie's nose.

>Heehehehaha *snorts*

"BOOP!"

>Heehehehaha *snorts*

"This is fun."

>Try it on other ponies. I'm going to try to get back to Canterlot now. Hopefully the next Anon will write me into the right spot.

"Huh?"

>Don't worry about it.


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>Pinkie
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>BOOM! ENTRANCE!

"GAH! Is that what it's like on the other side of that!? Sweet Larvesta, that's terrifying!"

>So ya' gonna stop doing it?

"...What? No. Why would I do that? I just said it was terrifying."

>Hah!

"...Who the hell are you, again!"

>Pinkie Pie, silly! I helped plan your wedding! Well, not YOUR wedding... wait, I mean it kind of was your wedding, cause you were getting married, but the wedding wasn't for YOU, except that it was...

"...Oh, right, the pink one."

>RACIST!

"What do you want?"

>Oh, I was actually mostly here because we haven't had a scene together. That's not right! We're, like, totally scene worthy! I'm entertaining, you're entertaining, it just fits!

"Hah! You? Entertaining? The only thing more dead than your comedy is-"

>Your sex life?

"...Ooooh, low blow with that one."

>Awww, don't be like that Chissy! Caaaaauuuse~ Shiny don't want your booty but you don't have to be loopy, cause there's plenty more fish iiiin the sea!-

"NO!"

>...

"Absolutely not!"

>But we never got a musical number!

"...Say, do you remember when you and the rest of your friends visited the old castle?"

>Yeah?

"While I am not friends with Spike, I feel that nonetheless, I will get a bit of vengeance for him."

>How ya' gonna-

*SPRIIIIIING!*

"Tell him I said you're welcome!"

>OOOOOKKAAAAaaayyyy.....
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~~

>...Annnd-

*THUMP!*

"FUCKING OW!"

>Hah.

"YOU ADDED A LOCK!?"

>Like it? Pretty sturdy, huh?

*BOOOM!*

>...

"Eh, seven out of ten?"

>You okay?

"Please open the door. I am bleeding and I can't feel my left leg."

>...

"...FINE! YOU WIN THIS ROUND, SHINING ARMOR! But I shall return!"

*Sound of her stomping off*

>...The door wasn't locked...
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~
Applejack is going through the mail when she finds a letter from home

>Huh, Ah wonder how thing's 're goin' over there?

Applejack opens it, spends a few seconds reading it and throws it in the trash.

>Dammit, Big Mac!

The paper is caught in the air by Celestia who smirks.

"Oh, what's this? Did your family send you something embarressing? Something shameful?"

>Celestia, please, do us both an' don' read it-

"'Dearest sister,' blah blah blah- What the? 'Reform and unravel the iron hoof of the ruling class?' 'Revolution of the people?' ... Applejack, is Big Macintosh-"

Applejack buries her face into her desk

>Yes... Jus' like my Uncle Antonovka... Also why we don' send family ta college.

"Hmm, maybe I should make Big Mac a-"

>Celestia, don' you dare even finish that thought.

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>AJ 29
"Trixie"
~~~~~~~~

>Oh goody, the five o' clock is here... two hours late.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie comes whenever she pleases, thank you!"

>Nay! I say unto you, NAY! Time is of an essence that cannot be withheld, cannot be toyed with! For we are all slaves to time, and it's power is absolute! Thine schedule shant be done on YOUR moments, but on ours!

"...Why are you talking like that?"

>...Oh, I'm sorry, with all the theatrics, I thought....

"..."

>...Well, this is awkward

"Do you want to earn a little money on the side? I could use a writer. I can pay pretty well."

>...Well, so long as it's on the side, the Mayor kind of needs me to do my job.

"Fantastic! The Great and Powerful Trixie shall... uh..."

>I've got this. A-hem, The Great and Powerful Trixie shall speak again with a silver tongue, every bit as luminous as her act most astounding! Be prepared for a feast of eyes and ears, as your senses are-

"Hold on! I can't write this fast!"

>We'll work on it later... didn't you need to see the mayor?

"Right, she available?"

>Of course.

"...So then why... oh."

>Ohhh, you and I are going to have FUN.

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>Shining Armor
"42"
'Sombra'
-Crystal Guards-
~~~~~
"so, what's this you wanted to show me?"

>The latest recruitment drive for the Crystal Guard: HIT IT BOYS!

Happy music begins playing and seven Crystal Guards form up

-We are: Guard and shield! Guard and shield!-

-FOR LOVE!-

-We are: Guard and shield! Guard and shield!-

-FOR PEACE!-

-If you love action and love your empire, sign up for the Crystal Guard today!-

"... What the hell was that?!"

>Amazing, huh? They came up with it themselves!

"That was-"

'Truly incredible! I have never seen such amazing initiative, skill, and talent from any army before! 42, Shining Armor, you have done truly great things with these once layabouts.'

"..."

based on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjAXJaFydwM

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>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~~~

>Chrysalis, where did you put the keys to the tank?

"Uhhhh, shit, dunno."

>Well, find them! You had them last!

"I don't know where they could be."

>Look for them!

"UGH! Fine!"

It was a confusing sight, watching her stand up and inhale a deep breath. Not as confusing as what came after, however.

"EEEKEEEKEEEKEEEKEEEKEEEK!"

Crystal cracked and splintered against her strange, bat-like screech, and Cadence was fairly certain her ears were about to rupture.

"...Oh! Here they are, behind the couch! Doy, can't believe I forgot I threw them there. Here you go... Cadence?"

>WHAT!?

"I was just asking if you were-"

>WHAT!?

"Okay! I was asking if you were-"

>WHAT!?

"Fine! Be like that! Whatever!"

She chucked the keys into Cadences chest, and stomped off.

>....WHAT!?

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>SA
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
-18-
[42]
{2}
~Sombra~
~~~~~~~~

>Alright, the table has been bolted to the floor, I have eight pounds of soap on standby, all cutlery is replaced with dull plastic, and Cadence has been barred from the kitchen. We can make it work this time!

-No we can't.-

>...Let me dream?

-No.-

>Why are you being so pessimistic?

-Mostly concerned with AJ 2 trying to choke down an entire watermelon.

"SWEETIE NO!"

{But Not-mom's doing it!}

[My Queen, NO!]

'Choke on it, 42, I'm hungry!'

>YOU are the one who is going to choke on that!

'Hah! Jokes on you, I can just make an airhole out the back of my neck! WATCH!'

The table went silent as, true to her word, she formed a dolphin-like blowhole on the back of her neck.

'....GLK!'

And then promptly started to turn blue.

>CHRYSALIS!

[MAJESTY!]

{NOT-MOM!}

-Called it.-

"18!"

With a LOT of magical assistance, she was able to change back to normal.

'KAK! *GASP!* I-I think I did that wrong.'

>You THINK!?

'Not totally sure.'

"CHRYSALIS!"

'Fine! I'm mostly sure... prooobably shouldn't do that again, though. I am apparently WAY out of practice.'

"...Do you see smoke?"

>Sombra?

Said smoke monster decided now was a good time to poke his head in.

~No, that is the food. The Chef ran off to get help when she started dying.~

'I was fine!'

~Pity, you will have to order out tonight.~

"...Honey? You okay?"

>....*TWITCHTWITCHTWITCH*

'...He's probably fine.'

[He's foaming at the mouth.]

'I said probably.'

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