stardust - 17/04/2017
i obviously dislike conflict. i also figured that you could talk to me if you'd have a problem with me, since you expect the same from others. you personally attacking me in the group DM was a surprise and people did ask me where it came from, i had no answer so i asked drac, Z and max if i'd done anything or behaved differently that could've provoked you. max sent me what your complaints were and all i saw were onesided accusations about things that shouldn't have become an issue if you would've messaged me about it. but the reason for that has already been shared too; you don't care. :smile:
so yes, i was confused and hurt. but knowing that you don't care does sortof make it better. i guess it means that there's not really a goal to accomplish except peace. i'm ready to get this over with.
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
i actually did confront you several times, but i think you avoided all of those, too.
:shrug::skin-tone-2:
stardust - 17/04/2017
i recall 2 moments, 1 about nine, the other about alice in mods, where you and pom misintepreted my message.
i did reply to those :shrug:(edited)
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
nah you didn't reply to the nine thing
you went out for sushi iirc
stardust - 17/04/2017
i did when it was brought up again, sushi over nine anytime
(i dont recall what happened with me and nine but it was around the time nine didnt like me anymore and i probs got into a fight idek)
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
it's kind of weird talking to you about this using diplomatic language because i know you well enough to know that you're probably still kind of hurting over it and i speculate* you may be kind of scared as well maybe?(edited)
(mostly because i know you're not a heartless asshole)
not scared of anything in particular, just the general fear of conflict and negativity, i think
mocking me by repeating the things i say back to me + mirroring my emojis isn't gonna solve anything btw
just be honest
stardust - 17/04/2017
phone call irl
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
yee s'all good
if you're hurt, say so. straight up tell me what hurt you and why it hurt you so i know what i'm apologizing for, and then i can explain to you how i came to the conclusions i did and we can discuss whether those conclusions are legitimate or if they can be chalked up to misunderstandings
talking to other people about it won't help, case in point: broken telephone game, information is altered and diluted every time it's repeated
stardust - 17/04/2017
give me some time to retype what i was gonna say because i forgot to copy what i'd typed already
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
lmao it's all good, take your time
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
lmao it's all good, take your time
stardust - 17/04/2017
first of all, i'm just assuming you have experience with what i'm gonna say about emotions. the damage was done and i felt bad for about 30hrs. this morning i woke up and decided this was not gonna ruin my mood nor my day, and that i'm gonna be honest even though it can be impolite. although i do feel it's a shame that things went this way, i have already accepted that things won't ever be the way they were and you're gonna be just another person that i know a bit more about than the regular user here.
i'm conflict avoidant but not scared of it. i dislike negativity but i'm not scared of it. it's rather that i like to be prepared in some way. i don't like surprises. i was hurt over what you did in the group pm + what you said afterwards, and the way you did it. especially because i thought you were a friend.
i'd like to know you came to your conclusions but i don't know if i feel like discussing them again. this whole ordeal drained me yesterday and i'd rather just get it over with and have things to be somewhat normal again. if it ever happens we bump into eachother about something, i guess we should just hit eachother up and talk about it. i won't hold a grudge. i'll just be a bit more cautious. i'd just like you to not automatically assume things because things just don't always seem how one perceives it. that's why i wait until i make a judgment instead of jumping to a conclusion. i don't judge you for doing it but i don't think it's very helpful either. i might be conflict avoidant because i find it useless, but i'll tell you if i don't agree. if that leads to conflict so be it. as long as it's not like how it happened 2 days ago. that was just straight out mean and uncalled for.
and what is a broken telephone game?
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
the telephone game is a game where several people go around and whisper the same phrase into another person's ear, like a chain from one person to the next, and they do this until the phrase has been whispered into everyone's ear, then the person who came up with the original phrase states what it was. the last person to hear the phrase does the same, and what you find is that they're two completely different phrases.
it's rare for the original phrase to match up with the last version of the phrase
stardust - 17/04/2017
oooo yeah we played that in class i get it
i don't get it in this context though
like relating to this convo
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
if you talk to other people about something instead of talking to the person you actually want to transfer that information to then you'll find that the version of events other people give that person won't hold true to what you actually said. there's missing information, context, tone, etc
which sparks more misunderstandings and those misunderstandings only serve to drive a bigger wedge between the two involved parties
generally speaking, that is
stardust - 17/04/2017
i asked people if i'd behaved differently or did anything to provoke you because if that was the case i would've felt guilty. no one could tell me tho, and then max sent me what's been said and i processed it and stuff. had a convo with pom were we discussed the addressed points and although sometimes parties don't agree we still got to a point where we decided it was okay
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
yeah, but how can you expect to get insight into my thought process or motives from anyone but me?
serious question btw
stardust - 17/04/2017
i don't, but that's not what i asked. i asked if i'd behaved differently.
i can also ask that same question to you. you could've asked me about things before you blew up on me. here we are now. this wasn't needed
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
sweet tart :cherry_blossom: - Today at 1:10 PM
i actually did confront you several times, but i think you avoided all of those, too.
i don't think there's a need for me to ask you why you ragged on parrot for destroying the server when you deleted all the channels tho
which contributed to the fall of the server
with that said, pom did create the side group with you, me, her, and max, but you left it
stardust - 17/04/2017
don't you think it's obvious why i left? did you expect me to just take your personal attacks as if it was fine with me?
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
that was created to talk things out, actually
that's why max was there
as for pom, i don't think she was satisfied with how your discussion went. she's generally sweet and well-meaning but she has a tendency to admit to her faults a little too quickly when resolving conflict with others, which sometimes results in the other person not admitting to their faults since they take advantage of the fact that she readily admitted to hers, like, "well, she admitted some guilt, therefore it was all her fault"(edited)
w e w dem edits
stardust - 17/04/2017
your random personal attacks rubbed me the wrong way and i still disagree with how you dealt with your emotions right then and there. you can't expect people just be like oh okay let's just listen to some more random hateful crap
if pom wants to discuss it again she can. she didn't admit to her faults easily as she wanted to discuss it, so we did.
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
and i disagreed with you going to everyone but me to talk about it? that's not a mature way of handling emotions either
pom is probably hesitant to discuss it with you because of all the middle-manning, if i'm being honest
stardust - 17/04/2017
ok and we don't have to talk about what pom might think or feel
this is about you and me right now so i'd rather stick to that
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
then why'd you bring up pom?
stardust - 17/04/2017
you went to pom to talk about me, i don't agree with that either and it caused the random blowup to turn out to be even more weird than i already thought it wass
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
if this is between me and you then don't draw comparisons between you and her
plain and simple
not really? pom and i talked about it in the group we created for the sole purpose of resolving the issue, which you left, so no resolution(edited)
but alright, we can ignore that since it doesn't really pertain to this. i was just wondering why it was brought up if you didn't wanna discuss it
like didi ok i get that you're hurt and confused because i'm kind of confused too but literally no discussion will be honest if you're on the defense
stardust - 17/04/2017
i don't believe you nor trust you. so i'm willing to be cooperative but i'm not just going to accept you saying whatever you want i don't agree with. i've never went against you before but as for now it's only fair i'm being honest and rather straight with you. i also don't understand why you're confused. confused about what exactly?
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
(k I moved to phone, replies will take longer)
stardust - 17/04/2017
(same)
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
nothing you wrote in that paragraph relates to what I said though. if you don't agree with something then tell me so. I respect you enough as an individual to hear you out but I'm not here to distribute blame so much as I am here to talk things out. I usually resolve these issues with people right away, so I'm mostly cofused by how long it was drawn out and how many people were pulled into it before a conversation could actually happen.
I actually don't expect my friends to always agree with me or side with me, as long as it doesn't impact the friendship as a whole then it's fine. narc and I disagree all the time but it's usually resolved immediately after.(edited)
wow f uck my typos
literally alphabet soup rn
stardust - 17/04/2017
thing is that you said you don't care about me. because of that i decided it would not be worth it for me to talk to you. imagine having someone you considered a friend blow up at you and before you're able to think of what you could've done you hear the friend says they don't care. process: upset - hurt - confused - acceptance. you talked to pom about issues you had with me beforehand, i talked to people to ask what i'd possibly done. if that is the only thing that confuses you, i'm rather curious how because i think it's only natural for people that would've been in my shoes to try and grasp what they had done. your personal attacks were emotionally loaded so the first thing that came to mind was that i had done something but i don't think i've done anything to deserve what caused this. you're free to tell me otherwise, but i don't think i'll agree
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
your personal attacks were emotionally loaded

 process: upset - hurt - confused - acceptance.

your actions were emotionally loaded, too. that's why I said that we both handled the issue in immature ways.
then again, very few people handle situations like this maturely
I don't think I said I didn't care until after you left the group chat designated to talking things out. that's sort of a "fuck you" as well, in my eyes.
stardust - 17/04/2017
alright
i was going to say why i disagree but i don't think it solves anything. it wasn't meant as a fuck you.
i'd rather now talk about a more practical side. what's next
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
:thinking:
stardust - 17/04/2017
how are we gonna deal with future situations where we have to deal with eachother and what about sisterhood
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
practical in what sense?
you do realize dodging questions and evading an honest discussion isn't going to resolve anything and it's most likely just going to result in underlying tension in the future, right?
stardust - 17/04/2017
i don't feel tension. i think i've heard enough and i'm accepting it
i don't usually hold on to things like this altho i will be more cautious like i mentioned before
it's not useful for me to disagree with you because it's a matter of how we dealt with things and what we view as mature etc.

maybe i translated it too directly from dutch
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
hah cheeky
:smile:
I know what it means. I just wasn't sure what you were referring to
stardust - 17/04/2017
yeah i was wondering if it meant something else lol
but hm i think it's important to look at the future as i am personally fine with moving on and if there's anything in the future we can discuss it. no matter what it is, but it should be discussed if it causes any hard feelings
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
hmm if you insist. I just didn't appreciate our friends being forced to choose sides. I don't think a minor spat between us should impact their feelings toward either of us. we should be able to coexist peacefully, I think.
I've got too much love for em
plus I still got a lil bit of love for you too, enough to strive for peace between us and our homies
stardust - 17/04/2017
i don't think our friends were forced to choose sides. and even if they had been by you and me, i can't imagine either of them doing it. if you and drac had a prob and you/she would come to me i would also make it clear that i'm not gonna choose. it's rather unfair. i do have to add that i don't have a problem with friends discussing issues with eachother if it's for the purpose of finding out what they themselves have done wrong or maybe to spout insecurities about certain events. if it's to force them to choose a side the based person can eat a bag of dicks
we should be able to coexist peacefully, I think.
tru and same
sweet tart - 17/04/2017
I think it makes sense to seek out advice if you're confronting the person as well, otherwise it just makes a mountain out of a molehill, like what should be a discussion between two people then grows into a discussion between 10 people, nawmsayin dawg?
or whatever the fuck Ice Cube used to say
that rap line he always posts
yayy! and if you ever have any thoughts or concerns to share about this in the future then hmu, if not then c'est la vie
phew that was all
and basically what happened beforehand was
that all the mistyped mods and parrot were in 1 group and rita and pom were being really nice w/ him and wanted to go back to typology or something i think?
and i just typed out something like i'm sorry i don't really care to go back anymore, like i was being pretty nice about it altho parrot had insulted me fucking badly when i was a mod and after that
and rita flipped her fucking shit
IN THE GROUPCHAT
then i reacted like :wat: and she just kept going
and ppl started messaging me so i asked if I had done something wrong or had been behaving weirdly idek
then she put me in a groupchat with herself, pom and max because max had reacted rather aggressively when i went silent in the first groupchat
and i was like lmfao wtf im not gonna do this
so ii left immediately
then pom messaged me and accused me of being on a moral high horse, as if im better than people, because apparently i had caused the serversplit not thinking about other people, and i had deleted channels and not owned up to it, and i had shittalked parrot too badly on mistyped
and only the last  thing i felt was tru but ive never caused the serversplit that was parrots meltdown and i owned up to everything  i was proud af when i deleted channels tbh
so yeah with pom i eventually gave up because she was way too delusional
and with rita the above convo happened