The Science of The Sweet Science

It was a typical Saturday afternoon: K.O. wasn't in school, and Carol had important business. That meant that he needed to be watched over by his favorite babysitter: legendary tough girl and all-around hero, Punching Judy. Her outfit was simple, and her fighting style was too, but K.O. didn't care how you looked or how you fought: if you were a hero stronger than him, then you were cool. The pay was nice, as was Carol's trust. But while she hides it well, Judy has a few...minor issues with K.O.

K.O. isn't really a hard kid to watch: sometimes you have to keep him from doing something stupid, but most of the time he was so enamored with Judy as a hero that he'd spend most of the time asking questions or staring in amazement at her. Unfortunately for him, Judy hated questions and she also hated being stared at.

"Ms. Judy, how hard was it to fight The Flu?"

"Meh."

"Ooh, ooh! What if you had to fight TWO Flus?! Do you think you could take them?!"

"Probably."

"Do you think I can beat The Flu like you can? You're so COOL, Ms. Judy!"

"K.O."

"How many villains have you fought?!"

"K.O..."

"Have you ever gotten to hang out with any cool heroes like my mom?! Tell me! I wanna know all about them--"

"K.O.!"

He stopped with a blank face, looking deeply into her eyes. "Oh, sorry. I went overboard on the questions again..."

Punching Judy nodded. "You sure did. AND the staring just now."

And so the two sat, looking at each other in perfect silence.

"...I wanna box."

"Hey--"

"Uh-uh-uh! That wasn't a question!" K.O. replied, wagging his finger and winking. "But really, do you think you could teach me your fighting style?!"

As honored as she was to have K.O. look up to her, she had to hold back the mental thought of "No, God, please no". She never taught her techniques to anybody...not like anyone was really asking her. K.O. was the first person so curious about her, and the feeling was kinda nice. At the same time, she DIDN'T want the attention, and the kid was everything Punching Judy hated: loud and happy. Could he really be the first person that Punching Judy mentored? Was she ready for that?

...eh, there was nothing better to do. The other option was helping K.O. with his homework, and on top of the many things Judy hated, #1 was the Dewey Decimal System.

She gave a heavy sigh, and turned to him. "Fine, kid. I'll teach you how to box."

K.O. gave a loud cheer, which instinctively made Judy flinch. "Okay, first rule of boxing: you need to be quiet!" He responded to this command with a quieter cheer.

Punching Judy thought and thought: how DO you teach someone her style? She honed it over multiple years and experimentation, and since she didn't have a lot of people to really bounce off of with it, it's just kinda...how she fights. Maybe she could just start with theory talk. That would also buy her more "Quiet K.O." time.

"If you wanna fight like me, you have to keep in mind ALL of these really complex and long-winded details. We might be here a while..."

-----

"...and that's how you box! Man, that was a pretty long conversation. I think that was the longest I ever talked to anybo--"

She looked right at the clock. Only 5 minutes had passed.

"Oh." Punching Judy said, with a sad realization. Her fighting style WAS boring and simple. Now that she told K.O. all that, he'll be just as disinterested as anybody else.

"Wow, that's AMAZING!" K.O. said. "I think I can remember most of that. Okay, when do I get to use all of this?!"

Punching Judy couldn't hide her smile.

-----

So the two ventured outside, where they could safely spar and have demonstrations.

"Hey, Ms. Judy, I noticed something while you were talking--sorry, this is a question--but why do you only punch in boxing?"

Judy froze. Now THIS was a question she didn't want to hear.

"Well...I was born with a medical condition that makes me unable to kick." Judy admitted. "So, I just...only punch."

"But isn't there a little bit more you can do?" K.O. asked, looking at her with a gaze of pity. "Have you ever tried some wrestling moves? Mr. Gar really likes those!"

She shook her head. "Ugh, no, K.O. That's not how boxing works. You can only punch. S-sorry that it's not more interesting, I guess."

K.O. thought about it for a few seconds. "No, no, that's fine! It all makes sense. So, what should we start with?"

"Alright, then. Let's go with some of my signature punches. How do you perform a Crazy Cross, K.O.?"

K.O. thought. "Uh...okay, uh...let's seeeee...oh, I got it! First, you set your feet shoulder-width apart."

Punching Judy nodded. "Yep, that's the proper stance. What's next?"

"Then you...uh...hit em' with a knee lift!"

Punching Judy groaned loudly, her head going into her gloves. "Kid! I punch! My name is Punching Judy! There are no knees in boxing! What did I JUST say?!"

K.O. took a minute to process it, before something clicked in his head. "Ohhh, I see. So THAT'S how boxing works, huh? I understand everything now." He put his arms forward in another boxing stance,

"Maybe special punches are a bit too hard for you. How about one of the combos I talked about?"

Now that she looked at him, MAN was the kid nervous. He was sweating profusely, his eyes darting around as he tried to remember the inner workings of punching someone multiple times only using your fists. It looked like he was going to have a panic attack: it made Judy feel a little bad. But it also made her realize something: her hunch was correct.

"He doesn't get this at all!"

Carol understood him on a deep level, and was able to teach him some moves, but was he really unteachable by everyone else? Is he just stupid? Was he messing with her? What was so complex about only punching? Seeing that the poor kid was now doing consecutive elbow drops on the ground and rolling around on the floor, she decided that she had to intervene.

"Ooooookay, K.O. Maybe I can teach you to box another time--" But her suggestion was interrupted as K.O. immediately clung to Judy's red glove. "Pleaaaaase, Ms. Judy?! I PROMISE I'll get it this time! I'm so close to understanding your fighting style!" he begged.

As adorable as he was, he was also starting to get annoying again. The green-haired boxer tried to shake him off as hard as she could, but he clung on tightly. "Kid, I'm sorry, but at this point, I don't think you'll EVER get it! I admit I'm not one of the most creative fighters around...and that's exactly why you shouldn't even be learning from me! I just...I can't teach you."

It was then that she looked at the brush-headed kid she was babysitting. He was starting to cry and snot all over her favorite glove. Not only was that gross, but one of Carol's rules for taking care of K.O. is, and she mentally quoted, "When I come home, the kid better not be crying!"

She gave a sigh, and said "Okay, okay. ONE more try, alright? But after this, you're gonna start doing your homework."

K.O. immediately smiled and got off. "Thank you SOOOOO much! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you--"

"OKAY, ENOUGH! ...hey, now that I think about it, Carol said you really liked sparring, right?"

"Yeah, I do! Fighting is my SOUL!"

The lightbulb finally turned on in Judy's head. "Maybe you'll learn a little better if we fight. Remember: punches only. Follow my lead before we start fighting, okay?"

Pounding her gloves together, she slowly stepped towards K.O. who mirrored her own fighting stance quickly. Okay, he got that right. A few jabs that he actually dodged, and returned with another punch. So far, so good!

K.O. was a quick puncher, which Judy suspected he got from his mom. As a matter of fact, she was almost getting a little overwhelmed. Now that he wasn't trying to kick or launch fireballs or anything like that, it was obvious he had potential. She had to pull her punches (another one of Carol's rules is that "If K.O. is K.O.'d when she comes back, you'll be too"), but even still K.O. was able to take some of the slightly harder ones without getting knocked back like most would when he blocks.

"Jab, jab, hook, uppercut--" he shouted while tossing the respective punches back at her. Judy wasn't having a hard time dodging, but she was waiting for the inevitable twist. Roundhouse kick? Karate chop? Groin shot?

"Crazy CROSS!"

Punching Judy just barely avoided one of her own patented punches, but she couldn't duck the pride she felt in K.O. right now. She would've shed a tear of joy, if it wasn't for the fact that she was trying to give K.O. a gut check with her bread and butter combo. Again, the kid blocked and dodged just like she told him earlier, and the smile on his face as he finally began to understand her ways was the most satisfying of all.

As if in perfect sync, the two dashed back for each other and charged forward, trading in a perfect flurry of rapid punches before ending with a trade of blows to the jaw, sending them both sliding back. K.O. fell on the floor, but Punching Judy barely stood her ground after stumbling for a few moments.

The greenette put her hands on her hips, smiling proudly. "You did it, K.O.! You finally understand how to box! I'm not gonna lie, I thought you were kind of...uh...I can't say it, because if you told your mom what I said, she'd kill me. But either way, you've got a lot of potential as a boxer! Y'know, maybe we can spend some more time and REALLY hone your techni--"

"JUDO THROWWWWWWWWW!"

Punching Judy felt betrayed as K.O. launched her into the air and threw her into a nearby wall. Her feelings stung as much as her back.

K.O. ran over in excitement. "How was that, Ms. Judy?! Do I understand your fighting style?! I couldn't hear your speech over how hard I was charging my perfect boxing throw!"

Punching Judy blinked and lowered her eyebrows.

"K.O. Math homework time. Now."