Funny 'uncle'

24/06/22-verification
“I’m pregnant.” She sounds oddly serious for a joke, probably winding down after finishing streaming with this weird ass bit. She was playing Minecraft or Apex or whatever, you weren’t paying attention. You don’t even bother look at her when responding, still lying comfortably in her bed as if it were your own, eyes glued to your phone. “Haha really funny joke Matsuri, you got me rolling in laughter.” You deadpan, of course not rolling or laughing; still mindlessly scrolling through social media on your phone. You can hear her roll the wheelie chair over to the bedside where you reside and you feel her small hand rest upon your forearm.

Finally breaking eye contact with your phone, you meet her eyes beside you, her face is stern, no sign of her signature smile; she must be really committing to this joke, gotta to give her props for that. She doesn’t say or do anything, she only look into your eyes, it’s kind of unnerving. “You’re joking right? After this you’re gonna say ‘Got ya! Can’t believe you fell for that!’ right?” Matsuri doesn’t respond, silence fills the room and her eyes still bore into yours; you can’t help but shrink back a little, the situation is unexpectedly and incredibly tense making you a little uncomfortable. “Alright alright you’ve made your joke I get it." You shake off her hand. "You sure almost got me with that one haha.” She still doesn’t respond, rather she gets up from her chair and leaves the room. Shit did you make her angry? Gotta apologize when she comes back, if she does come back that is. Although her departure does give you some relief, things were starting to seem a little too real there.

But for real, that joke went a little too far in your book, you were so close to believing it. Next thing you know she’s going to burst into the room with usual bright eyed and cheery face and tease you for falling for it. You hope that’s what happens. But damn is she good at acting, guess it’s tools of the trade when you’re a V-tuber.

Even though you were anticipating her slamming the door open, it still makes you jump. She quickly makes her way over to her chair. “Matsuri I’m sorry if- “You cut yourself off when she shoves a piece of plastic in your face. It’s a pregnancy test. Oh. Admittedly this is the first time you’ve actually seen one in real life but so you don’t really know how they work. You take it out of Matsuri’s hand to get a closer look. The display shows two solid lines and according to the guide on it, one line is ‘not pregnant’ and two lines is ‘pregnant’.

“Oh…. Well then.” It wasn’t a joke. She wasn’t acting. She was being completely honest. Wow. You’re a complete loss for words. Matsuri of all people managed to get knocked up? Wow. Sure she might act like some sort of sexual deviant, making sex jokes left and right, sexually harassing her female co-workers whenever she gets the chance. Sure she can do all that but she’s a right sputtering awkward mess when it comes to the real thing. You would know, you’ve been wingmanning her as far back as high school and despite both of your valiant efforts, she has not succeeded even once; whether it be to her own awkwardness, being too clingy or whatever, it never worked out.  You used fear that if she never finds anyone, you would have to take her out of pity however you it's hard for you to see Matsuri in a romantic light. She's like a twin sister too, so it would feel like incest if you engaged with her even if you're not related.

And as shocking as it is, it’s also a teensy bit saddening. It sucks that you missed out on such a big development in her life such as finding a partner, you were there the whole way but you didn’t get see her achieve that long desired success. It’s a wonder why she didn’t tell you; you tell each other everything. Whatever, it’s in the past so you should stop moping and be happy for your best friend.

You finally sit up on the bed but you don’t make eye contact, still staring at the pregnancy test in hand. “Uhh sooooo… Who’s the unlucky guy?” You crack the question, albeit awkwardly. She doesn’t respond. You feel some cringe welling up from the lack of response your joke. You raise your head to get a look at her, she’s looking at the ground, twiddling her legs and It felt like an eternity before she opened her mouth. “I don’t know”. What? How does she not know? That is a pretty important detail to miss out on. You press further on the subject.

“It was uhhhhhh… a one-night stand. Yeah that’s it a one-night stand yeah.” Matsuri mumbles; you almost missed it because of how quietly she said it. A one-night stand huh? Even more of a shocker. Guess you didn’t miss out on any major development, that’s a little relieving, though kind of fucked up you’re feeling relieved about this. But damn Matsuri finally got game, she finally lost V-card but a one-night stand? You hope she wasn’t drunkenly coerced into it, she’s pretty easy to push around when drunk.

“You gonna contact the guy then?”

“No I don’t care about him.” She responded instantly this time.

“Huh ok.” Is all you can muster up to say. There are a bunch of questions you want to ask her. How did she end up in a one-night stand? How was the guy? Why were you so irresponsible? And so forth. But there lies a question way more important than those. “What are you going to do with the baby?” Matsuri raises her head from the ground, her legs firmly planted on the ground now and she sits up straight. She carries a determined look and puts a hand on her stomach. “I want to keep my child.”  Her eyes fierce, her words reflected in her expression. Every part of her show she’s resolved in what she wants to do. Even if you are happy with her keeping her baby, you got to speak some logic and reason.

“You know raising a kid is not easy. It’s VERY mentally and financially taxing, not to mention very time consuming. It’s NOT going to be easy, especially since you’re most likely going to be a single mother. I want you to know what you're going up against here.” It’s the harsh reality she needs to face. You don’t want her to make a rash decision and suffer greatly later on because of it.
But Matsuri is not swayed. Still ever determined.

“I… I still want to keep the baby. I know it’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be really really realllly tough even more so because I’m doing it alone but despite all that… I don’t want to abandon my baby! I promise I’ll do my best in raising them and give them all the love, care and affection I can! I promise I will give them the best life!” She spoke all that in one breath, heaving heavily but still ever so resolute. She’s watching you again, her legs shaking a little, eagerly awaiting your response. It seems as if she has the wrong idea that you’re against her but that couldn’t be further from the case. As long she’s happy in what she’s doing, you’re happy as well.

As soon as you open your mouth to speak, she shuts her eyes tightly and holds her breath. “Well said my dear friend! I love your conviction!” You speak with bravado. Relief washes over Matsuri as she breathes easy and her facial muscles start to relax, her shoulders drop, tension falling. However, it’s quickly interrupted by your next line “BUT”. Once again she tenses up. Honestly it’s pretty sadistic of you to cut off like that, playing with her emotions but regardless you continue, this time flashing a smile and putting a hand on her shoulder and forming a thumbs up with your other.

“Who says you have to do it alone?” Her strained expression transforming to one of confusion. “I can’t be a father but I can be that weird but really funny uncle.” A few seconds go by before she breaks into laughter, good job on breaking the tension, give yourself a pat on the back.

“More like weird and tries too hard to be funny uncle” She retorts but it’s heavily interspersed with her giggles.

“Huh? WHAT? I’ll let you know that you are currently speaking to the funniest man to have ever live and your child is absolutely blessed to have such a cool comedic genius uncle like me. I’m one of kind!” You slap your chest and procure the most smug smile you can.

“Yeah yeah sure” She brushes you off as gets up from the chair and falls on your chest. Wrapping you in you a bone squeezing hug. It’s a little embarrassing at first but you are quick to reciprocate, rubbing and ruffling her hair at the same time.

You both stay like that for a while before she speaks up again. “Thanks. This means so much to me but all I can do is thank you right now.” She squeezes even harder, it’s a little painful to be honest but you shrug it off. “No need for thanks! I’m always here to help my best pal out.” She flinches. “You’re going to be the coolest mom ever I know for sure.” She doesn’t respond but rather nuzzles further into your chest.

This isn’t going be an easy journey, especially for Matsuri but you’re willing to do whatever it takes for your bestest friend ever.

“Ohh by the way I forgot to tell you something.” She speaks into your chest.

“What?”

“You know that pregnancy test you were holding? You held it by the part I peed on.”

You let out a weird groan of disgust and reflexively shake the hand that was holding it “That’s nasty! Why didn’t you tell me earlier!”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry, I just noticed.” Stifling her giggles into your chest

“jeez.” There is one hell of road ahead of the both of you.