The quality just goes down from here

For those of you reading, my name's Joe, and I'm a Chemistry teacher at a school mostly full of Monstergirls.

It's Wednesday, Lunch time.

I am sitting on a toilet in the boy's bathroom, eating some pizza. Why am I here instead of the teacher's lounge or my own classroom? It's because I like being able to eat in peace, and not having my food ruined by red hairs or slime.

This place also as a calming effect on me, even if it DOES smells like cat piss and cigarette smoke.

As long as I'm in here, nothing can bother me.

"Hey, Joe!? Are you in here?!" An overly familiar voice echoes through the tiny bathroom.

Well, almost nothing.

A walking mullet in a bue jumpsuit slides across the floor and stops in front of the stall I'm occupying, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you, man!"

This walking poster boy for a prophylactic is Lou, the school's janitor. I have the misfortune of calling him my best friend.

I take a bite of delicious pizza goodness, "I'm not exactly hard to find."

Lou takes out a comb and begins combing his trademarked mullet, "I looked for you everywhere! In the classroom, the gym, the roof, and the girl's locker room. You weren't anywhere."

"Maybe you should have started here, Numbnuts?"

"I didn't think you'd be here, man!"

"What made you think that? I've been coming here to eat lunch for a grand while."

Lou stops combing his hair, and puts his comb away, "I just thought you'd be somewhere else today."

I cock an eyebrow, "Well I'm not. So why were you looking for me?"

"I need your help with someting!" Lou strikes a manly pose while keepin his head perfectly still.

Like a chicken.

"Boy, doesn't that sound familiar?" Thoughts of what happened yesterday flow through my mind, "Anyway, what do you need help with?"

"I'm in love with the Art teacher, Terry, and I want some help in confessing my love for her!"

...

I blankly stare at Lou for a few minutes before giving him a response, "You want me to help you?"

"Yes"

"Help you profess your love to a woman?"

"Yes!"

"A woman that's NOT a centaur?"

"Lou crosses his arms and glares at me, "Fuck you, man."

"Shouldn't you ask someone else? I'm not the best person to ask for help when it comes to things like this."

"But you're the only friend I have that has had experience with women that aren't prostitutes!" Lou uncrosses his arms and begins to gesture wildy with his arms.

I twist and contort my face, "Fine, fine. I'll give you some advice."

"Thanks, Dude!"

I readjust myself into a more comfortable position on my makeshift throne, "Alright, get ready. I'm about to tell you the most effective bits of advice I know!"

"Aright! But before we start, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

Lou points towards the object that's been beside me the entire time, "What's with the sword?"

I pick up the sword and begin to twirl it with my fingers, "This? I confiscated it from a Lizard girl who was more interested in playing with it than paying attention to my lesson on how to make Napalm at home."

"Are you going to return it? They're allowed to have weapons at school, you know?"

"Not in MY classroom they aren't. Anyway, I'll give it back at the end of the day. But if it happens again, I'll dip the blade in liquid nitrogen and smash it in front of her."

"That's cold."

The both of us laugh at the stupid pun in unison.

"Alright, are you ready to hear my secrets?"

"Yes, Please!" Lou begins to hop around slightly.

"What you need to do is..." I intentionally pause.

"Is?"

"What you need to do is..." I repeat myself, but in a monotone voice.

"Would you fucking quit that?" Lou bursts out in anger.

"Fine fine, you buzzkill. All you need to do is just tell her how you feel."

Lou pauses for a good minute before responding, "What?"

"Just tell her how you feel, dipshit. It's not that hard."

"I thought you were going to tell me a secret, surefire way to win her heart!"

I scratch the left side of my jaw, "What do you think I am, a love guru? I'm a single parent, with a crappy job as a Chemistry teacher, and a 20 year old daughter that refuses to leave the house or get a job. I'm not exactly George Clooney here."

"Could have fooled me, after what you did in that little storage closet with Claire." Lou begins to smirk, and stoke his nonexistent beard.

I jump up from the toilet seat with the speed of a sports car powered by meth, and land a few inches away from Lou, "Who told you about that?"

"Nobody did. I overheard it from the Art class, while cleaning up a mess that a Wurm made when she decided to try drinking paint."

Great. If this chucklefuck heard what happened from the Art class, then it's very likely the History class did as well.

I am not looking forward to what may happen in the future...

I begin to mash my forehead into my palm for the seventh time today, "This is definitely going to bite me on the ass at some point."

Lou begins to shake his hands like maracas, "So are you going to help me out?"

"I already told you, just tell her how you feel directly."

"I can't do that, man!"

"Why not? It's not that hard, unless you're a pussy."

Lou suddenly stops his hands and puts on a serious expression, "I'm not a pussy!"

"Oh? So you ARE a pussy!"

"I. Am. Not. A. Pussy."

"Pussy."

Lou points his finger at me in an attempt to look menacing and cool, but ends up looking retarded instead, "Stop it."

"If yo want me to stop, then all you have to do is prove to me you're not a pussy by confessing to Terry!"

Lou slams his fist into his chest in an attempt to appear manly, "Fine!"

"By the way, I'll be watching you just in case."

"Fine by me!"

The two of us exit the bathroom, and make a B line towards the Art room. Terry should still be in there.

After a few minutes of walking, and calling each other pussies, we finally make it. After a quick glance in, we confirm that Terry, the Scylla Art teacher, is indeed inside of the room alone.

Lou enters the room, but I stay outside of the door and observe him to make sure he doesn't chicken out like a little bitch.

Lou greets Terry with a half assed hand wave, "Hey Terry, how are you doing?"

"Fine." Terry replies apathetically, not even bothering to look at Lou.

I watch the two of them filibuster about for roughly 6 more minutes, before Lou finally does what he came here to do.

"I-I love you!" Lou almost shouts out with inhuman amounts of passion!

"I see." Terry apathetically replies once again while chewing on a crab leg.

Lou begins to almost bounce with anticipation, "So does that mean you accept?!"

The octopus girl looks up at Lou, and stares into his eyes with her square pupils, "No."

Upon overhearing her answer, I heard the sound of something breaking into numerous pieces. I'm VERY certain that it was Lou's heart, but it might have been that Wurm destroying her 3DS in frustration over Monsterhunter again.

Lou wealkly shuffles out of the room with his head hanging down, "I got rejected..."

I pat him on the back, "Don't worry, it'll be all right."

"But how will I deal with this feeling in my chest?"

"I'll buy some beer and we can watch the Discovery channel together later."

Lou goes from depressed as hell, to his normal self in speeds faster than light, "That sounds good."

Eventually, a bell that signals the end of lunch rings, and everyone prepares for their next class.

I head towards my classroom, and prepare for the next series of questions involving my dick size and address.

Hopefully nothing will go bad today.

Oh, who am I kidding? One of the little retards will end up making mustard gas instead of ice again.