MLPRtM: 7 Dragonshy

>You’re chilling out on a bench by the water fountain in the park
>Rainbow Dash is bouncing a ball on her head
>”Hey, Anon! Check it out! I’m gonna be the next Equestria ball-bouncing record holder!”
>Pinkie Pie calls for a celebration and zooms off
>You shake your head
“Don’t get cocky, Dash.”
>You silently mouth a countdown, with a smug look on your face
>Just as you hit zero, Pinkie Pie comes running back and slams into Rainbow Dash, breaking her streak
>”Ugh! Pinkie Pie!”
>Rainbow then glares at you
>Haha, classic
>You remember this scene
>It’s from the very beginning of Season 1, Episode 7
>Dragonshy
>You turn your gaze to the sky and watch the ominous black smoke cloud as it drifts over the land
>Nobody else notices it until Twilight appears and announces it
>Commotion breaks out
>You calmly rise to your feet and stretch, walking through the mob of fearful villagers
>Here we go again

>Twilight Sparkle explains that the smoke is coming from a dragon snoring on a nearby mountaintop
>And that Princess Celestia has tasked her with the mission of evicting the dragon
>You actually look forward to a nice hike up a mountain
>You could use the exercise
>Since things have been pretty slow around here lately
>Whoa who whoa, hold your horses Anon
>lol, horses
>You just remembered
>This episode is an important friendship lesson for Fluttershy
>She finds that her friends are a source of strength to help her overcome her greatest fears
>It’s probably best for you not to interfere
>After all, you’ve nearly fucked up every episode you’ve been in so far
>You could sit this one out, right?
>You've earned a break
>”Anon!”
>Twilight calls you over
>”Mission debriefing at the library in ten minutes. Round up all of the Elements of Harmony!”
“I’m actually really busy.”
>”Yes, I can see that goofing off in the park is more important than stopping a dragon from suffocating the entire land in smoke.”
“I can’t come.”
>Twilight rolls her eyes at you
>Rainbow Dash flies up
>”Why? Are you SCARED?!”
>Fuck you, Dash
>I know all about the dragon, but I’m just trying to be a RESPONSIBLE future-seeing world-breaking asshole
>Cut me some slack
>Speaking of scared, where’s Fluttershy
>You scan the crowd
>She seems to have snuck away when she saw that Twilight was preoccupied with you
>God damn it

>Golden Oaks Library
>It took you twenty minutes to find yellowquiet
>And you practically had to drag her by the tail here
>All the while keeping your lips zipped for fear of spoiling the episode
>It basically looked like you were kidnapping her for >rape
>She was babbling about dragons the whole time
>You drag her inside and find everyone there discussing their plan of action
>”All right, everypony. I need you to gather supplies quickly. We’ve got a long journey ahead of us. Let’s meet back here in less than an hour. That means you too, Anon!”
>The others head for the door, but you hang behind
“We still have one more Element of Harmony. Vinyl Scratch. I’ll go get her, and then we’ll catch up.”
>”Nice try, Anon!” Pinkie Pie laughs
>”Vinyl’s in Manehattan doing a gig!”
>”Looks like Anon’s tryin’ ta get out of it,” Applejack snickers
>You scoff and cross your arms
“Well, you’re right about that.”
>”Why don’t you want to come, Anon?!” Twilight begs
>You struggle to try to come up with an explanation
>You decide to go off of Dash’s original suggestion
“I’m scared of dragons.”
>”WHAT?” Everyone shouts in unison
“Yup. Terrified.”
>”Anon,” Rarity says
>”We’re your friends! We’ll always be here to help you face your fears!”
“Oh, what a relief!”
>You glance over at Fluttershy with a look as if to say, “You hear that?”
>WINK WINK HINT HINT
>Fluttershy just looks even more scared now
>Her fears reinforced now that someone else has admitted to being afraid
>Gaaaahhhhh confound these ponies

>”Wait, ah get it now!” Applejack exclaims
>”This is one o’ yer spooky future visions, am I right?”
>”Y’all know what’s gonna happen and y’all don’t want to interfere!”
>You feel an ice cold arrow shoot straight through your chest
>Nailed it, AJ
>How can you read me so damn well?!
>Twilight approaches you
>”Anon, your ability to predict the future is an invaluable asset! You could play a part in saving Equestria!”
“You saved Equestria just fine without me in the show. You can do it again.”
>”But can’t you tell us even a little bit?”
“No. Princess Celestia wants you to study the magic of friendship. If I just TELL you what’s going to happen, you won’t learn it for yourself.”
>Rainbow Dash groans
>”Ugh, Anon! We’ve been over this already! You can tell us about the show! You can TRUST us!”
“I TRUST you to do this without me. Sorry, I’m leaving. Have fun.”
>You head to the door
>As soon as you step outside, you feel the sinking feeling in your chest again
>What if in this alternate continuity
>One of them gets crushed in the avalanche?
>Or eaten by the dragon?
>Anything goes in this continuity
>No, no, this is still a children’s show
>That wouldn’t happen
>Hahaha
>Ha
>...
>...Fuck
>FUCK
>You turn right around and march back into the library
>”We knew you’d be back,” Applejack says
>You sigh and shake your head
>The ponies start heading out the door to gather supplies for the journey
>You and Fluttershy just stand there, exchanging worried looks

>YEAH GETTING READY MONTAGE
>All of the ponies hurry back with saddlebags filled with trail gear and rations
>You rummage around in your small pile of personal belongings on the floor of the library next to your makeshift bed
>All you really have that could be useful is a pocket knife
>You shove it in your jeans pocket
>Twilight also brings you a saddlebag with a water bottle and some other stuff
>You don’t really care, these girls overprepare for shit
>You fiddle with the strap to make a makeshift side satchel and slip it on
>You head outside where everyone is gathering
>All of the ponies pose dramatically in a lineup
>You lazily shamble over and lean on Rainbow Dash
>Purple Exposition is talking about the mountain again
>Blah blah blah holy hell this is actually boring
>Since you already have an idea of what’s going to happen
>Still, if you play your cards right, you can prevent utter disaster
>”Looks pretty cold up there,” Applejack observes
>”You bet it is. The higher you go, the chillier it gets,” Rainbow says
>”Good thing I brought my scarf!” Rarity brags
>She whips it out and puts it on
>Suddenly, you notice that all of these ponies are covered in fur
>You’re just a hairless string bean in a ratty T-shirt
>”Don’t worry, Anon, I brought you a scarf too!”
>She throws it on you
>It’s pink and matches her
>”Stop showering Anon with gifts, Rarity...” Applejack complains
>”Oh my...” Rarity giggles

>”Um, excuse me, Twilight...” Fluttershy speaks up
>Twilight is preoccupied with the map
>Fluttershy struggles to explain that she doesn’t want to go on the mission
>Finally Twilight tunes in
>”Wait! You have to come! Your way with wild animals will surely come in handy!”
>”I don’t think I...”
>Twilight interrupts to explain that Spike will watch over the animals in the meadow
>”You can count on me!”
>He scampers off after some escaped critters
>Fluttershy whimpers
>Hmm maybe a little bit of early intervention can help in this case
>You head over to Fluttershy and pat her on the head
“Hey, what’s going on? C’mon, you can tell me.”
>You know exactly what’s going on but you’re just trying to show her that she can trust you
>She blushes and averts her eyes
“Hey, ‘Shy, listen. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll protect you.”
>Before she can respond, Twilight gives the order to move out
>The others form a stamped that sweep you and Fluttershy away in a galloping whirlwind
>Applejack scoops you up onto her back
>You’re way too big for the little pony but she’s strong as a horse
>You look over at Fluttershy getting dragged along
>She’s just staring at you, searching for something to say
>But eventually she just stares at the ground
>Ooooookaaayyyy

>The whole land seems to shake with a violent earthquake and the rumbling sound of the dragon’s snore rings in your ears
>You actually are a little startled
>Fluttershy shrieks and hides behind you, clutching your shirt
>Umm...
>Pinkie Pie notices how close Fluttershy is hanging on to you
>She seems completely fine with it
>She’s a little too optimistic to become jealous that easily
>”It’s... so... tall...”
>Rainbow opens her mouth but you blurt out
“Well it IS a tall thing!”
>Everyone looks at you funny
>Nobody gets the joke
>Why would they
>God damn you’re a faggot
>Dash almost zooms off but Applejack pulls her back down to the ground and suggests you all travel together
>Everyone starts heading up the cliff
>What the fuck are these ponies like mountain goats or something
>How do they just walk up a sheer cliff
>Reminds you of a Skyrim glitch video
>Baffled, you try to get a handhold but it just crumbles at your touch
>You try a few different spots but can’t seem to get a good grip
>You never were good at rock climbing
>Frustrated, you just throw yourself at the mountain to try to slither up the slope
>But you keep sliding down
>What is this wizardry
>”Oh no! Anon can’t get up this way!” Pinkie Pie cries
>”Neither can Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash groans
>You look over your shoulder
>Fluttershy is cowering in a bush
>”Anon! There’s another path around the mountain!” Applejack says
>Twilight rolls up the map and tosses it down to you
>”Take Fluttershy that way!”
>The dragon emits another deafening roar, I mean snore
>Fluttershy freaks and freezes up like a statue
>You glance up at the others and make a pained face
>Why.jpg

>You grab ahold of Fluttershy’s tail and pull
>She’s making herself heavy, like a baby who stays glued to the ground when it doesn’t want to be picked up
>After dragging Fluttershy a few yards, you sigh and give up
>You hunch down on a rock and bury your face in your hands
“Fluttershy, for the love of...”
>Ain’t nobody got time for this shit
>You hear more whimpers
>And gasping
>Oh, fuck
>You look up
>She’s crying
>”Anon! I’m s-s-s-s-sorr-rr-rryyyy I l-l-let you dooownn!!”
>She’s just completely melting down in front of you
>Your hearts aches
“No, hey, come on. HEY! Fluttershy, stop crying.”
>You go over to her and pet her on the back
>It’s heaving up and down
“Come on, hey, I’m not mad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it...”
>She just keeps crying her eyes out

>Finally you just decide to hold her in a tight embrace
>She’s lying on the ground though so you can’t really wrap your arms around her
>You just kind of flop on top of her and hold her
“Shh... shh...”
>She eventually relaxes enough to sit up straight
>Allowing you to pull her into your arms
>She buries her muzzle in your chest
“You’re safe. I could never be mad at you. And I’ll protect you from the scary dragon.”
>She pulls away and gasps
>”How... how did you know I’m afraid of the dragon?”
“I’m Anon, remember? That’s my special ability.”
>”But... I thought you only knew the important things. And I don’t think me being afraid is very important.”
>Uhhh, shit
>Well, I guess I can say
“It’s absolutely important, ‘Shy. You’ll know why in due time.”
>Her sobbing is subdued now
>Her chest is still rising up and down against yours
>”Anon, you said you’re also afraid of the dragon, right?”
>Actually, Applejack already debunked that claim, but Fluttershy must have missed it while she was flipping out
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
>”So... how? How can you do this? How can you be so brave?”
>She hugs you again, pressing her ear to your chest
>”I want to be brave like you.”

>There must be something else you can do to boost her confidence
>To validate her emotions and show her that it’s OK to be scared
>And that those are the times when you must look inside yourself to find bravery
>You watched enough children’s movies as a kid know that one
>But maybe Fluttershy was a little too sheltered for their equivalents here in Equestria
>Suddenly, you have an idea
You unwrap the pink scarf from your neck and drape it over her
>You reach around and wrap it around her neck a couple times
”There! This is my magic scarf. It helps give you courage. It helped me.”
>”A-Anon!”
>She looks down at the scarf in confusion
“Don’t tell anybody, or the magic won’t work.”
>She frowns at you
>”Anon... I just watched Rarity hand you this scarf a few minutes ago.”
>You smile and laugh
>She looks annoyed at first
>That you’d try to pull this kiddy shit on her
>But finally she giggles and shoves you away
>”...Thank you, Anon.”

>After nearly an hour of marching up the alternate route, you rendezvous with the others
>”Told you it was gonna take forever,” Dash whispers to Twilight
>But when Dash sees Fluttershy standing up and walking on her own four hooves, she does a double take
>Fluttershy joins Rarity, Pinkie, and Applejack as they continue up the mountain
>Fluttershy seems to be a lot more confident now
>She flashes you a big, beautiful smile as she passes by you
>But when they’re out of earshot, Dash flies back to where you’re standing
>”What in all of pony’s name did you DO, Anon?”
>You shrug
“It was nothing, really.”
>”Did you...” she starts looking really agitated
>Dash starts flying in circles around your head
>”You didn’t do anything that would make Pinkie Pie jealous, did you?!”
>”Dash!” Twilight scolds her
>"Just because he's not a pony, doesn't mean..."
>"DASH! Stop right there!!" Twilight hisses
>You cram your hands in your pockets
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dashie.”
>You stomp away
>Behind you, you hear Twilight and Rainbow arguing
>Eventually Rainbow Dash zooms past you without a word
>Twilight comes running up to you
>”Anon! Dash just doesn’t...”
“Trust me? Why would she?”
>You growl
>Twilight hangs her head
>Ahead of you on the trail, you can hear Fluttershy talking to the others
>You can’t hear what she’s saying, but the others are laughing out loudly
>You and Twilight march side by side in utter silence

>You all come to the small chasm over the deep ravine
>You join in with Pinkie Pie to sing “Hop, Skip, and Jump” for Fluttershy
>It ends up being a lot of fun
>Pinkie Pie wonders how you already knew all of the words and accuses you of telepathy
>Fluttershy really loves the performance and decides to jump
>She timidly approaches the gap
>But hops over it without freezing up
>You jump over the gap after her
>”Way to go, Fluttershy! Nice jump.”
>Fluttershy brushes her hair aside and beams at you
>Rainbow Dash groans and flies away
>The group continues on its way
>Everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>Maybe things may actually go a little bit smoother now that you’ve instilled some confidence in her
>Rarity looks at you and covertly points at the scarf on Fluttershy’s neck
>You just wink at Rarity as if you know what you're doing
>She smiles and shrugs and continues on
>That reminds you, it’s starting to get chilly
>You pull your T-shirt up to your chin
>Part of you is happy that Fluttershy seems to have found her bravery
>But you can start to see where this turn of events might be going
>And it’s not looking good
>WhathaveIdone

>”You’ve got ‘guilty’ written all over your face, Anon,” Rainbow Dash says out of the blue
”Look, I don’t need your shit, Dash. Trust me, or don’t.”
>”No, you look. I’ve been trying to get Fluttershy out of her little shell for years and suddenly you come out of nowhere and—“
>”Keep it down,” Twilight says
>”According to my map, we’re entering an avalanche zone. The smallest peep could cause a huge rock slide.”
>You turn away from Rainbow Dash and just try to carefully head up the slope
>You keep a close eye on Fluttershy as you go to make sure she doesn’t cause an avalanche
>”Suspicious...” Dash whispers as she floats past you
>Oh my god shut the fuck up
>You try to concentrate
>In the TV show, a leaf falls on Fluttershy’s croup, startling her and causing her to scream
>You walk behind Fluttershy, keeping a close eye on her plot, ready to catch any falling leaves
>Rainbow Dash looks over her shoulder and sees you eyeballing dat ass
>”Perveerrt...” She mouths
>CUNT DASH
>You keep walking and keeping a close watch on that yellow ass
>Fluttershy turns for a moment and notices you
>She turns pink and faces front, and keeps walking
>Rainbow Dash circles back to you
>”Stop flirting!”
“I’m not! What's gotten into you? I thought we were friends!”
>”Oh, we are. But you and Fluttershy are friends, with benefits, aren’t you?”
>You rage
“I DON’T FUCK HORSES!!”
>You scream at the top of your lungs
>Everyone stops dead in their tracks
>There is a distant rumbling

>The whole world shakes as the mountain crumbles down around you
>Boulders falling left and right
>You just stand there frozen for a moment
>Welp, it was a good run
>Goodbye Equestria
>Suddenly you snap out of your daze
>When you notice a shadow getting larger all around you
>You pump your legs and just start booking it
>You manage to get out from under a huge ass chunk of mountain that would have killed you
>It slams the ground and the impact nearly knocks you to your feet
>Everyone is screaming avalanche and dodging falling rocks
>Adrenaline is surging through you
>You start running through the maelstrom of falling boulders
>Each one could squish you flat and it’d be over
>You’re trying to remember the scene from the episode shot for shot
>To help you dodge each rock
>But even though you remember it vividly, it feels a lot different in real life
>You can’t really predict well at all
>You hop all over the slope, sidestepping rocks as they rain down around you
>However a small one catches the leg of your jeans and trips you up
>You fall to the ground
>You’re in the shadow of another huge rock

>You hear wings flapping and a loud whooshing sound
>Rainbow, saving my ass again probably
>”Anooooooon!”
>You snap right
>A yellow and pink blur racing toward you
>Holy fuck she is fast
>She slams into you with a huge headbutt
>She sends you flying
>FLUTTERSHY YOU SWEET ANGEL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFR03q2ppVc#t=6s
>You spin through the air
>You catch a glimpse of her, standing motionless right in the shadow of the boulder
>She’s smiling
>At you
>You can't bear to see her
>You close your eyes
>You hear the boulder hit the ground
>You slam into the trunk of a tree pretty much completely horizontally
>It all happened so fast.

>Fluttershy...
>You’re lying on the ground as the smoke swirls around you
>The avalanche seems to be over
>Fluttershy...
>Your mouth is full of a fuckton of dirt
>You spit it out
>Fluttershy!
>You try to suddenly move but your whole body aches
>Is your spine broken?
>No, you can feel your legs
>They hurt like hell
>Why the fuck would you do this Fluttershy
>WHY
>Your chest is heaving up and down
>You pound your fists into the dirt
“AAAAUUHHHHH!!!”
>Tears are streaming down your face
>You channel all of your strength into your arms to push yourself up to your knees
>You start crawling through the rocky landscape
>Each rock pierces your palms and your knees with intense pain
>But there’s only one thing you care about
>F-Fluttershy
>Please be all right

>Rainbow Dash’s voice cuts sharply through the smoke
>”Hey guys, I found him!”
>She starts clearing the smoke with her wings
>You inhale some dust and start coughing like crazy and rubbing your eyes
>When you open them again, you see the others standing all together in a group
>All of them, except Fluttershy
>Wait
>Never mind
>She’s standing off to the side
>So you didn’t notice her at first
>She’s completely unscathed
>You struggle to get to your feet and you limp over to her
>Keep it together, Anon
>Just be cool
>You reach her and throw your arms around her
“WAAAAHHHH F-F-FLUTTTERSHY AHHHH F-FUCK-K-K I THOUGHT THA FUCK-K-K AAAAGHHHHH YOU’RE O-O-O-KAHAYHAYHAYHAY EHHHAHHHHAHHHAHHH!!”
>You just fucking melt down all over her
>Yep
>Cool.

>You’re all hiking up the huge gravelly slope left by the rockslide
>Rainbow is flying beside you, helping to carry you because you are having difficulty walking on your own
“Th-Thanks for grabbing Flutters before she got...”
>”Don’t mention it. And, sorry I, uh...”
“Don’t mention it.”
>You walk in silence for a while
>”...Anon, I think I see your game!”
>You sigh and brace yourself for some more stupid rainbow shit
>”You’re trying to slowly build up Fluttershy’s confidence, aren’t you?”
“Excuse me?”
>”Yeah, at first she’s all terrified, then you disappear for a little while and do pony knows what, then the ‘Hop, Skip, and Jump’ thing, now her saving you from that rock...”
“Are you saying that I did that shit on PURPOSE? That I’d risk my own LIFE?”
>”Everyone knows you’re completely insane! That’s why I like you!”
“What?”
>”N-nothing.”
>You both look at Fluttershy, marching up near the front of the group
>She has her chest puffed out proudly as she conquers the rock pile
>She looks like a million bits
>”Anon, isn’t it like, fake courage?”
“What do you mean?”
>”Just because she’s really confident right now, do you think it means she’ll be able to tackle the dragon?”
”I don’t see why not.”
>On the other hand
>You can see why not
>You look up at the dragon’s smoke, still drifting across the sky
>Maybe you’ve injected Fluttershy with a little too much courage
>And she’s gonna bite off more than she can chew when she’s face to face with her worst fear
>You hobble along a little bit longer and try to formulate a plan, but nothing comes to mind
>Welp, guess you’re just going to have to save the show with a little improvising
>...Again

>”We’re here,” Twilight announces
>The seven of you are standing at the mouth of an enormous cave
>Thick black smoke looms over you as it floats from within
>Fluttershy has her chin perked up and is smiling
>Fffuck
>You’re getting a little nervous
>Twilight goes over the plan
>”Rainbow Dash, youll use your wings to clear the smoke. Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you'll create a diversion to distract the dragon if things get a little hairy in there. Applejack, you're ready with the apples in case he decides to attack. But it shouldn't come to that, because Fluttershy will do what she needs to do to wake him up, and between her and Anon, we should be able to get him to understand why he needs to go.”
>A flash of fear and worry comes across Fluttershy’s face
>But before you could call her out on it, she’s back to her overconfident perkiness
>You knew it
>Deep down she’s still scared shitless
>But she’s putting on a facade and calling it courage
>If she goes in there she’s just going to get hurt
>And you promised to protect her
>She put her life on the line for you
>Why wouldn’t you do the same?
“Don’t worry about any of your plan, Twilight.”
>”Huh, why?”
“Because I’m going to handle this on my own.”
>Before any of them can stop you, you take off running into the cave
>Alone
>LEEEEROOOOOYYYYY
>JEEEENNNKIIIINNNNSSSS

>You suddenly slow to a limp when pain shoots through your leg again
>God damn it
>Feels like just yesterday you fell off that ladder at Sweet Apple Acres
>The air smells like burning coal
>It takes a few moments for your eyes to adjust to the darkness
>You can hardly tell where you’re going until you practically bump into him
>HOLY SHIT
>What
>WHAT
>He’s even more awesome and terrifying than you ever imagined
>And you’ve SEEN him in the show before
>You just feel tiny before his immense form
>Coiled up amidst the rolling hills of sparkling golden treasure of unimaginable wonder
>Even though it’s quite warm from the dragon’s flames, you feel a shiver in your spine
>He reminds you of Smaug from The Hobbit, actually
>You had read the Tolkien books as a child but you almost shit your pants watching the movie as an adult
>They did really well with the CGI to make him look terrifying
>And now, here you were, standing before a dragon much like him
“Um, excuse me? Mr. Dragon?”
>The dragon’s eyes bolt open and rest upon you
>Nope.jpg
“Hey, what up dude. My name is—“
>The dragon yawns in your face
>Noxious fumes nearly blow you away

“Listen... man. You need to leave. The smoke you’re snoring is going to choke all of the ponies in Equestria. Maybe you could go somewhere else.”
>The dragon slumps back onto his hoard of treasure
>He slams you with a new wave of black smoke
>You start hacking up your lungs
>Ffffuck
>This really does remind you of the Hobbit
>Hmmm, actually...
“Hey man, want to hear some riddles?”
>The dragon opens his eyes again, and watches you with amusement
>”I am ancient and powerful. You are but a young little monkey. What riddles could you speak which I have not heard before?”
 “I’m from a faraway land, where we have many riddles unknown to this realm.”
>He grunts
>Smoke everywhere
>”Who are you?”
>You stand up proudly
”I am the world-walker, the pony-rider, the voice of distant future.”
>”Hah! Cute titles. But they don’t quite answer my question,” he rumbles
”I am he that masks his friends’ fears. I sing of leaping over deep ravines, and I dodge falling rocks like a mothafucka.”
>”Hah! Those don’t sound so creditable.”
“I am the friend of ponies and dragons alike. I am unknown and familiar all at once. I am guide to the rivers of fate. I am... Trust Anon.”
>”That’s better!” The red dragon bellows
>”Now how can I help you, Trust Anon?”
“Answer my three riddles. If I stump you three times, you must leave Equestria.”
>”And if I answer one?”
“Then I will leave you to your sleep, O great and powerful dragon.”
>”I could just as well splat this pest and do so without conscience.”
“Then you’ll miss my awesome riddles.”
>He ponders for a moment
>”...OK. I shall play your game, O Trust Anon.”

>So long as we’re plagiarizing the fuck out of J.R.R. Tolkien, why not steal his riddles too
“Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.
What are they?”
>The dragon ponders this
>”Oh, it’s... uh... wait, hang on...”
>He strokes his chin with his claws
>He slithers around the cave a little bit
>”Wait, don’t tell me... Oh, this is a good one.”
>”Oh, is it... no, no, that would make no sense.”
>He takes like five minutes doing this fucking shit
>You eventually just slump down on a heap of gold coins
>You notice Twilight sticking her head in at the cavern entrance
>You make a face and wave her away as if to say, “I got this”
>She looks concerned, but she trusts you and backs out
>”GRAAAAHHHH!!!”
>The dragon crawls over to you and sticks his snout right in your face
>The smell of smoke almost knocks you out
>Hope you don’t die of carbon monoxide poisoning
>”I GIVE UP! WHAT IS THE ANSWER?!”
“Teeth. The answer is teeth.”
>”WHAAAAT?!” the dragon roars
>The whole cave shakes violently
>Your ears are ringing and you feel it in your gut
>”I was going to say that! But dragons have far more than thirty teeth!”
“They’re human teeth. Humans have thirty teeth. About.”
>The dragon looks pissed
>”NEXT. RIDDLE.”

“What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?”
>Every
>EVERY single human knows this one
>But would a dragon know it?
>In a distant world where nothing fucking walks the way a human does
>”Hah! I’ve heard this one before!”
>Oh shit
>Your heart sinks
>Welcome, eternal smoke and darkness
>”Wait... no, hang on, that one was different.”
>Whew
>”Hold on, just give me a minute.”
>God damn it
>More fucking waiting while this fucking dragon racks his little reptilian brain
>You’re dozing off from oxygen deprivation when the dragon gives up again
>You shrug and shake your head
“Man. Man crawls on all fours as a baby. Then he walks on two feet during his life. As an old man, he uses a cane.”
>”What is a cane?”
“It’s uh... nobody here uses canes? It’s a thing that humans use to walk when they get old. It’s like a big stick.”
>”What need have we for canes here?! Dragons do not need assistance to walk! And ponies walk on four legs until they die!”
>You shrug and remind him he only has one chance left
>”Stop asking questions about humans! It’s unfair!!”
“Very well. Last riddle.”
>The dragon gazes at you intently, hungry and desperate for this last riddle
“What’s green, hangs on a wall, and whistles?”

>You can tell he’s working hard on this one
>Smoke’s coming out of his ears now, literally
>He takes twice as much time on this one, unwilling to give in
>”How about a hint?”
>You shake your head and decline
>He growls and slithers around the cave again
“Do you give up?”
>”No, let me think some more.”
“I’ll leave so you can pack up your things.”
>”NO! STAY!!” he bellows
“Fine, whatever, god damn.”
>You sit back down on a treasure chest
>You hang your head low, hoping there’s less smoke there
>The next blast of smoke tells you that the dragon is cooked
>Medium well
>”FINE! YOU WIN, TRUST ANON! I’ll leave! But please, please... tell me.”
>”What IS green, hangs on a wall, and whistles?”
>You look up at him with a stone-cold, matter-of-fact face
”It’s a herring.”
>”But a herring isn’t green!”
“You can paint it green.”
>”But it doesn’t hang on a wall!”
“You can nail it to a wall.”
>”BUT A HERRING. DOESN’T. WHISTLE.”
“Oh, come on. I just threw that in there to keep it from being too obvious.”
>The dragon is fuming now
>He lets out another echoing roar
>And he reaches out with his claw toward you

>He pats you gently on the back
>”Well done, Trust Anon! You bested me, fair and square.”
>A big smile spreads across your face
>You did it
>You won!
>”Those truly were some good riddles! Were you so clever as to think of them on your own?”
“Not really. I just stole them from famous human books and stuff. I just picked ones a dragon wouldn’t know.”
>”Hah! Well I shall hold up my end of the wager, and vacate this cave posthaste. I apologize for the misunderstanding.”
“Don’t worry about it, dude.”
>He starts gathering up all his treasure
>You turn your back and start walking toward the cavern entrance feeling like a boss
>Everything turned out right after all
>But then you suddenly think back to Episode 7: Dragonshy
>Hold on
>Doesn’t Fluttershy learn to face her fear and stand up for her friends?
>Oh god damn it
>You forgot about the friendship lesson
>Suddenly, horrors of how the future might be different start racing through your mind
>If Fluttershy doesn’t validate and address her fears, she might become an emotional wreck
>Unable to face dragons ever again
>Hiding behind a false veil of overconfidence while struggling with self-loathing and fear deep inside
>Reliant on you and always hiding in your shadow
>What an awful future for Fluttershy
>Way to fucking go, Anon
>Shit shit shit shit
>What now?

“Hey, dumbass!”
>The dragon looks up
>You’re holding a golden chalice
>You fling it at his head
>”Ow! Trust Anon, what is the meaning of this?”
“You’re a fucking moron, that’s the meaning of this. You dumb sack of shit. Human babies can solve those riddles. Fuck you.”
>The dragon’s eyes start to tear up
>”A-anon... I thought...”
“Yeah whatever nobody cares. I’m collecting a Stupid Tax on your dumb ass.”
>You scoop up a big armful of treasure and book it
>You emerge from the cave, spilling gold jewelry and stuff everywhere
>Rarity manages to nab some of it
>”What’s going on, Anon?” Twilight asks
>”Is he going to leave?”
“I don’t know. I think I made him mad.”
>Suddenly there is a horrific shriek from within the cave
>And the red behemoth bursts from the entrance behind you
>He blasts the group with intense flames
>Everyone runs for cover behind a big boulder
>Your clothes get singed
>Fluttershy nearly shits herself and runs off to the side
>She buries her head in the ground like an ostrich
>”What in tarnation did ya do, Anon?!” Applejack screams at you
>You just kind of shrug and look bored, much to everyone’s dismay
>Don’t worry, Fluttershy’s gonna jump out and save the day any minute now
>You peek out from behind the boulder to check on her
>She still has her face in the ground
>Fantastic.

>She probably just needs more time to get her act together
>That’s OK you can swing that
“ATTACK!”
>You yell
>”Hey, wait, Anon, I’m the leader!” Twilight cries
>Too late
>The others have already sprung into action
>Applejack is bucking apples at the dragon
>Rainbow Dash is kicking him in the face repeatedly and flying in circles around his head
>Pinkie Pie is distracting him with noisemakers and pelting him with rubber chickens
>Rarity is... stealing more treasure
>God damn it Rarity
>Twilight jumps into action and starts magically shielding the others from the dragon’s intermittent bursts of flame
>OK, everything’s going good so far
>You scan the scene to look for Fluttershy
>Suddenly enormous sharp claws enclose you
>And lift you up off of the ground
>Fuck me
>The dragon lifts you up into the air
>”I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! I TRUSTED YOU!!” he weeps
>You just smile and wink at him
>Startled, he blinks and just stares blankly at you
>”...How dare you...!”
>Fluttershy’s voice sounds like the music of angels
>”HOW... DARE YOU...!”
>She rises up into the air
>She looks beyond pissed

>”ANON! How dare you mistreat this poor, sweet dragon!”
>Wat
>She alights on the dragon’s arm and rips into you
>”Listen here, mister! Just because he’s big, and just because he’s scary, DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO BE A BULLY!”
>You wince as she stares you the fuck down
>It burns into your very soul
>”You may be my friend, but you do NOT, I repeat, YOU DO NOT. HURT! THIS! DRAGON!!”
>She gives you the evil eye
>”You got that, Anon?!”
>You sink down into the dragon’s palm, hoping he squishes you now
>“WELL?!” she asks
“But I was just trying to teach you how to face your fears...”
>”And I am very sorry that you were worried about me! But you have a big heart and you know better than to manipulate this poor dragon’s feelings!”
“...But... I...”
>”Don’t you ‘But I’ me, mister! Now what do you have to say for yourself?”
>That’s it
>You can’t hold in the shame any longer
>You just start fucking bawling your eyes out
>You feel like a little baby
>”There, there. No need to cry. You’re not a bad person. You just made a bad decision. Now apologize to this poor dragon.”
“I... I... I’m sorry!”
>You sob
>The dragon just has this smug ass look on his face
>God damn it
>But he sets you down on the ground
>His heart warmed by Fluttershy’s kindness
>What a bro
>”Now Mr. Dragon, if you would please go pack your things," Fluttershy says
>"I apologize for my friend.”

>All of the ponies wave goodbye to the red dragon as he takes to the sky with his hoard of treasure
>Dash immediately starts dispersing the smoke with her wings
>The day is saved
>But you feel awful
>All you do is lean your head against a rock and mope
>You glance sideways at Fluttershy, but she’s occupied with cleaning up
>”She really cares about ya, Anon,” Applejack says as she approaches you
“Yeah, right.”
>How could she, after that utter display of douchery?
>”Honest. I know for sure.”
“How?”
>”While you were in that cave, Fluttershy told us that she’s deathly ‘fraid of dragons.”
“So...?”
>”So... how much do ya gotta care about someone to go and have to get right next to something yer afraid of? Just to chew you out!” Applejack chuckles
>”What’s more, she faced her fear, didn’t she?” Twilight says as she walks up to you
“...Really?”
>”Well, she went so far as to defend that poor dragon from you! Even though she’s terrified of dragons!”
“...You’re right!”
>You slump over again
”But she won’t forgive me. ...I just want to tell her that I won’t misbehave like that again.”
>”Tell her yerself,” Applejack says
>You look up
>Here she comes
>She’s... smiling
>She flies up and hugs you
>”Anon! Thank you!”
>Huh?

>”You learned something wonderful about friendship, didn’t you, Fluttershy?” Twilight says
>She nods
>Twilight whips out a paper and quill from her bag
>Prepared as usual to write a letter to Princess Celestia
>Twilight nods for Fluttershy to continue
>”Friends give you the strength you need to face your fears!” Fluttershy starts
>”But pretending to be brave isn’t how you face your problems. Only by accepting your fears can you learn to face them for real!”
>Well done, Fluttershy
>You breathe a sigh of relief
>And you hug her
>”Hey!” Pinkie Pie cries
“What is it, Pinkie?”
>”Anon, did you really mean what you said earlier?”
“About what?”
>”About... about how you don’t fuck horses?!?”
“HUH?”
>”Now why would you be concernin’ yerself with that, Pinkie?” Applejack says, patting her on the back
>”Oh, I don’t know! Hah hah hah!” She laughs nervously
>Everyone laughs

The End