Eng Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

1
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,262
Houston, this is Condor.

2
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:13,264
We are doing an E.V.A.
of the payload.

3
00:01:13,305 --> 00:01:17,392
We are about to present
the module with--

4
00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:19,477
What the--

5
00:01:19,519 --> 00:01:23,231
Oh, my gentle Jesus.

6
00:01:23,273 --> 00:01:26,191
Houston...we have a problem.

7
00:01:27,317 --> 00:01:30,278
Launch procedure commence.

8
00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:51,713
Oh, God!

9
00:01:53,006 --> 00:01:55,340
And I'm spent.

10
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,385
Do you smoke after sex?

11
00:01:58,427 --> 00:02:00,763
I don't know, baby.
I never looked.

12
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,475
Oh, Austin!

13
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,935
What shall we do now?

14
00:02:08,977 --> 00:02:11,480
Well, I've got an idea.
Why don't we shag?

15
00:02:11,521 --> 00:02:13,606
-Again?
-Sure, baby.

16
00:02:13,647 --> 00:02:15,983
We're only up to chapter eleven
in the "Kama Sutra."

17
00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:18,486
Don't you want to try
the wheelbarrow...

18
00:02:18,527 --> 00:02:19,986
or the praying donkey...

19
00:02:20,028 --> 00:02:21,946
or the Chinese shag swing?

20
00:02:21,988 --> 00:02:25,991
I'm going to get us
some more champagne, jungle boy.

21
00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:28,577
I'm going to get us
some more champagne, jungle boy.

22
00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:34,957
Are you OK?

23
00:02:34,999 --> 00:02:37,794
I've never felt better, Austin.

24
00:02:37,835 --> 00:02:39,961
All right, then.

25
00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:43,840
I'm just gonna go watch a movie.

26
00:02:46,175 --> 00:02:50,137
"In Like Flint."
That's my favorite movie.

27
00:02:58,227 --> 00:02:59,645
Vanessa.

28
00:02:59,686 --> 00:03:02,272
What's going on?

29
00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,400
I don't know what you mean,
Austin.

30
00:03:05,441 --> 00:03:07,068
I'm the same Vane--

31
00:03:09,153 --> 00:03:10,946
You must be--

32
00:03:10,987 --> 00:03:13,824
Tu imagination
esta jugando con ti, querido.

33
00:03:13,865 --> 00:03:15,075
Oh, my God!

34
00:03:21,163 --> 00:03:22,831
You're a fembot!

35
00:03:22,872 --> 00:03:24,666
No shit, Sherlock!

36
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,919
Machine gun jubblies?

37
00:03:28,961 --> 00:03:32,381
How did I miss those, baby?

38
00:03:32,423 --> 00:03:35,508
Perhaps next time
you should try foreplay.

39
00:03:35,550 --> 00:03:37,677
Right. Oh, my God!

40
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,986
Here's your wedding present,
Mr. Powers.

41
00:03:58,027 --> 00:04:00,529
A kamikaze bride from me--

42
00:04:00,571 --> 00:04:02,573
Dr. Evil.

43
00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:16,418
Oh, thank God.

44
00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:25,425
I can't believe Vanessa...

45
00:04:25,425 --> 00:04:27,510
my bride...

46
00:04:27,552 --> 00:04:30,388
my one true love...

47
00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:34,433
the woman who taught me
the beauty of monogamy...

48
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,810
was a fembot all along.

49
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:40,730
Wait a tick.

50
00:04:40,772 --> 00:04:42,899
That means I'm single again!

51
00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,441
Oh, behave!

52
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:47,736
Yeah!

53
00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:50,029
Yeah, baby, yeah!

54
00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,739
Halt!

55
00:05:12,465 --> 00:05:14,092
Yeah, baby, yeah!

56
00:05:36,443 --> 00:05:37,403
Look!

57
00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,366
How are you?

58
00:05:43,408 --> 00:05:44,867
Good to see you.

59
00:05:50,706 --> 00:05:53,541
What's that?

60
00:05:53,582 --> 00:05:55,918
Yes. Yeah, that.
Good one, man.

61
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,420
What's goin' on here?

62
00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:58,920
Good to see you guys.

63
00:05:58,962 --> 00:06:00,422
Good to see you.

64
00:06:03,591 --> 00:06:05,050
Rabbis, how are you?

65
00:06:05,092 --> 00:06:07,553
Nice meat.

66
00:06:08,095 --> 00:06:09,555
Photo op.

67
00:06:09,596 --> 00:06:10,806
L'chaim!

68
00:06:33,491 --> 00:06:34,951
Yeah, baby.

69
00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,920
Keep a close eye
on that Kreplachistan situation.

70
00:07:36,961 --> 00:07:38,296
Yes, sir.

71
00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:44,676
Jerry! Jerry!

72
00:07:44,717 --> 00:07:46,177
Thank you.

73
00:07:46,219 --> 00:07:47,595
Thank you very much.

74
00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:49,597
If you just joined us,
today's topic is...

75
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:52,849
"My father is evil, and he
wants to take over the world."

76
00:07:54,101 --> 00:07:57,478
OK, let's meet Scott Evil.

77
00:08:03,109 --> 00:08:05,652
Hi, Scott.
Nice to have you with us.

78
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,445
Tell us about your father.

79
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,949
My dad is the head of
a worldwide evil organization...

80
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:14,034
with aspirations
of world domination.

81
00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:18,162
Pretty serious stuff.
Where is he now?

82
00:08:18,204 --> 00:08:21,040
He's, like,
cryogenically frozen...

83
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,666
orbiting the earth or something.

84
00:08:22,708 --> 00:08:24,084
That's what you think.

85
00:08:24,126 --> 00:08:26,628
We have a surprise for you.

86
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:29,505
Let's bring out
Scott's father Dr. Evil!

87
00:08:31,507 --> 00:08:33,050
What?

88
00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:38,054
General,
we've got a situation here.

89
00:08:41,181 --> 00:08:42,641
What is it, Sergeant?

90
00:08:42,683 --> 00:08:43,976
Hello, Scott.

91
00:08:44,018 --> 00:08:46,186
Daddy's back.

92
00:08:46,228 --> 00:08:50,314
How could you do this to me,
on national television?

93
00:08:50,356 --> 00:08:52,942
Well, throw me
a frickin' bone here, Scott.

94
00:08:52,984 --> 00:08:55,193
Why'd you run out on me?

95
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,864
Because you're not quite
evil enough.

96
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,866
Well, it's true.

97
00:09:01,907 --> 00:09:04,660
You're quasi-evil.

98
00:09:04,702 --> 00:09:06,369
You're semi-evil.

99
00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:08,330
You're the margarine of evil.

100
00:09:08,371 --> 00:09:11,666
You're the Diet Coke of evil.

101
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:14,209
Just one calorie.
Not evil enough.

102
00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:16,128
What are you,
some kind of freak?

103
00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:18,297
-Shut up, you--
-OK, come on.

104
00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:20,590
I'll kick your...punk.

105
00:09:20,631 --> 00:09:22,091
Bring it on, skanky--

106
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,676
All right, come on.

107
00:09:23,718 --> 00:09:26,136
No one talks to my son
like that. It's OK, Scott.

108
00:09:26,178 --> 00:09:27,471
You mother--

109
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:40,607
You were born in your mother's--

110
00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:44,985
I'm OK. All right.

111
00:09:45,027 --> 00:09:47,738
You were born in your mother's--

112
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:48,906
I'll kill you both!

113
00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:51,658
There you go!

114
00:09:51,699 --> 00:09:52,909
Great!

115
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,452
I got your hood!

116
00:09:55,745 --> 00:09:57,162
Settle down.

117
00:09:57,204 --> 00:09:58,955
It's OK.

118
00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:01,166
It's only a television show.
Calm down.

119
00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:02,583
I'm all right. I'm easy.

120
00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:03,751
-Everything OK?
-OK.

121
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:05,002
Get this jerk out of here.

122
00:10:05,044 --> 00:10:08,047
I'll give you--piece of--

123
00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:13,051
He's biting me!

124
00:10:14,552 --> 00:10:15,928
The...is biting me!

125
00:10:18,263 --> 00:10:23,643
The world is mine, you--

126
00:10:36,362 --> 00:10:37,947
You've got mail.

127
00:10:37,989 --> 00:10:39,407
Hello, Basil.

128
00:10:39,448 --> 00:10:41,700
Hello, Austin.
How was your honeymoon?

129
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:45,036
It turns out
that Vanessa was a fembot.

130
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:48,414
Yes. We knew all along, sadly.

131
00:10:48,455 --> 00:10:52,417
Anyway, I have
a new assignment for you.

132
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,460
You're scheduled for
a photo shoot...

133
00:10:54,502 --> 00:10:57,380
and one of the models
works for Dr. Evil.

134
00:10:57,422 --> 00:10:58,880
Groovy, baby!

135
00:10:58,922 --> 00:11:01,466
Shaguar, ho!

136
00:11:09,974 --> 00:11:11,599
Show me to the models, baby.

137
00:11:11,641 --> 00:11:14,019
Let the magic begin.

138
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,396
Who have we got today?

139
00:11:16,438 --> 00:11:17,563
OK, great.

140
00:11:17,604 --> 00:11:19,606
Austin Powers,
I've heard a lot about you.

141
00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:21,066
I'm Rebecca Romijn.

142
00:11:21,108 --> 00:11:22,609
I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.

143
00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:24,610
Well, of course
you haven't had...

144
00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:26,612
the pleasure, Rebecca.

145
00:11:26,654 --> 00:11:28,948
We just met, baby. Yeah.

146
00:11:31,575 --> 00:11:34,745
Who are you, baby?

147
00:11:34,786 --> 00:11:36,912
Ivana.

148
00:11:36,954 --> 00:11:39,081
Ivana Humpalot.

149
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:40,666
Excuse me?

150
00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:44,919
And Ivanna toilet
made out of solid gold...

151
00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,963
but it's just not
in the cards, is it?

152
00:11:48,505 --> 00:11:50,466
You know...

153
00:11:50,507 --> 00:11:52,217
OK, everyone, let's get started.

154
00:11:52,259 --> 00:11:54,511
Yes, beautiful. Feeling it!

155
00:11:54,552 --> 00:11:56,304
Let's get some smiles.
It's all in here.

156
00:11:56,346 --> 00:11:57,972
That's it. Yes!

157
00:11:58,014 --> 00:11:59,641
Let's let the inside out.

158
00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:01,016
OK, you're an animal!

159
00:12:01,058 --> 00:12:02,517
Yes, there we go.

160
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:03,727
You're a tiger!

161
00:12:03,769 --> 00:12:05,020
You're Tony the Tiger!

162
00:12:05,062 --> 00:12:06,730
You're grrreat!

163
00:12:06,772 --> 00:12:08,356
Very good. Loving it.

164
00:12:08,397 --> 00:12:09,774
Now you're a lemur.

165
00:12:09,815 --> 00:12:11,776
Running as a pack.

166
00:12:11,817 --> 00:12:13,318
We go left.

167
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:14,986
We go right.

168
00:12:15,028 --> 00:12:16,404
There's a predator
out of the jungle.

169
00:12:16,446 --> 00:12:17,822
What's going on?

170
00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:19,282
Burrow!

171
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:21,200
That's right, you're a lemur.
That's all you've got.

172
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,494
You don't have sharp teeth
capable of biting.

173
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,995
Make an interconnected series
of tunnels like the Viet Cong.

174
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,163
And look.

175
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,290
I'm not even shooting you.
It's crazy.

176
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,459
And I'm spent.

177
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,335
Right, that's a wrap, everyone.

178
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,087
Miss Humpalot.

179
00:12:35,128 --> 00:12:36,755
Da, darling?

180
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,131
Shall we?

181
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:40,758
Give me moment, hmm?

182
00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:53,852
Dr. Evil, several years ago...

183
00:12:53,894 --> 00:12:57,271
we invested in a small
Seattle-based coffee company.

184
00:12:58,481 --> 00:13:02,652
Today Starbucks offers
premium quality coffee...

185
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:04,736
at affordable prices.

186
00:13:04,778 --> 00:13:07,030
De-lish!

187
00:13:09,907 --> 00:13:11,867
If we shift our resources...

188
00:13:11,909 --> 00:13:16,037
away from evil empires
and towards Starbucks...

189
00:13:16,079 --> 00:13:18,707
we can increase
our profits five-fold.

190
00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:22,835
Number Two,
I make the decisions here, OK?

191
00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:24,670
I demand a little respect.

192
00:13:24,712 --> 00:13:27,798
Dr. Evil,
you have a little of the...

193
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,841
Silence!

194
00:13:29,882 --> 00:13:33,219
I will not tolerate
your insolence!

195
00:13:33,261 --> 00:13:36,263
Frau Farbissina,
wie geht es ihnen?

196
00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:38,265
Sehr gut, Herr Doktor.

197
00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:39,725
How are things?

198
00:13:39,766 --> 00:13:43,728
I have come to embrace the love
that dare not speak its name.

199
00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:45,479
To my right is my lover.

200
00:13:45,521 --> 00:13:47,772
We met at the LPGA Tour.

201
00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:50,400
Her name is Unibrau.

202
00:13:51,735 --> 00:13:52,944
Right on.

203
00:13:54,445 --> 00:13:56,238
Welcome, Unibrau.

204
00:13:59,741 --> 00:14:00,825
What?

205
00:14:00,867 --> 00:14:03,745
A little milk...nose...mustache.

206
00:14:05,413 --> 00:14:07,956
I know.

207
00:14:07,998 --> 00:14:09,249
Meant to.

208
00:14:09,291 --> 00:14:11,793
That's how we drink it
in Belgium.

209
00:14:11,835 --> 00:14:13,377
Called a Belgian dip.

210
00:14:14,545 --> 00:14:16,797
While you were frozen...

211
00:14:16,839 --> 00:14:19,841
we began a program to clone you.

212
00:14:19,883 --> 00:14:21,384
Cool.

213
00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:23,803
Send in the clone!

214
00:14:23,845 --> 00:14:27,514
He is exactly like you
in every way.

215
00:14:30,476 --> 00:14:33,937
Except one eighth your size.

216
00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:36,773
Breathtaking.

217
00:14:36,814 --> 00:14:39,858
I shall call him...

218
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,818
Mini-Me.

219
00:14:46,697 --> 00:14:48,658
Your stock is rising,
Number Two.

220
00:14:51,952 --> 00:14:53,578
Come, Mr. Bigglesworth.

221
00:14:56,038 --> 00:14:58,499
Mini-Me, are you hungry?

222
00:14:58,540 --> 00:15:00,125
Something to eat?

223
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,377
Not even a Hot Pocket?

224
00:15:02,794 --> 00:15:04,212
An Eggo?

225
00:15:04,253 --> 00:15:07,799
No, we don't gnaw on our kitty.

226
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,426
Leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth
alone.

227
00:15:11,468 --> 00:15:13,595
Just love him and stroke him.

228
00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:16,973
As you know...

229
00:15:16,973 --> 00:15:19,934
every diabolical scheme
that I have hatched...

230
00:15:19,976 --> 00:15:22,852
has been thwarted
by Austin Powers.

231
00:15:22,852 --> 00:15:24,938
And why is that,
ladies and gentlemen?

232
00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,898
'Cause you never kill him
when you get the chance to...

233
00:15:26,940 --> 00:15:28,399
and you're a big dope.

234
00:15:35,738 --> 00:15:38,074
Down, Mini-Me.

235
00:15:39,284 --> 00:15:43,829
Austin Powers always defeats me
because he has mojo.

236
00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,289
Mojo?

237
00:15:46,872 --> 00:15:49,208
The libido. The life force.

238
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,377
The essence. The right stuff.

239
00:15:51,419 --> 00:15:54,045
What the French call
a certain...

240
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,131
I don't know what.

241
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,216
Ladies and gentlemen...

242
00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,843
I've developed a device
for traveling through time...

243
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:04,263
which I call a "time machine."

244
00:16:04,305 --> 00:16:07,390
Using this "time machine..."

245
00:16:07,432 --> 00:16:11,810
I'm going back to the Sixties
and steal Austin Powers' mojo.

246
00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:13,812
If you have a time machine...

247
00:16:13,854 --> 00:16:15,814
why not just go back
and kill Austin Powers...

248
00:16:15,856 --> 00:16:17,523
when he's sitting
on the crapper or something?

249
00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:20,776
How about no, Scott?

250
00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,028
OK?

251
00:16:22,069 --> 00:16:25,572
Why not use your knowledge
of the future...

252
00:16:25,614 --> 00:16:27,240
to play the stock market?

253
00:16:27,282 --> 00:16:28,742
We could make trillions.

254
00:16:28,783 --> 00:16:32,911
Why make trillions
when we could make...

255
00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:34,663
billions?

256
00:16:36,331 --> 00:16:38,917
A trillion is more
than a billion, numnuts.

257
00:16:38,958 --> 00:16:40,752
All right, zip it.

258
00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:42,669
-You can't even--
-Zip it.

259
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,212
Zi-i-i-p.

260
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:45,589
Look, all I'm--

261
00:16:45,631 --> 00:16:47,382
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, ex-zip-it "A."

262
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,091
Number Two,
would you please back me up?

263
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,053
-Look, I'm Zippi Longstocking.
-I can't--

264
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,721
When a problem comes along

265
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,388
You must zip it

266
00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:56,848
Zip it good.

267
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,433
Frau, would you please--

268
00:17:01,602 --> 00:17:03,562
Subtitle: "Zip it."

269
00:17:03,604 --> 00:17:04,855
-I'm just trying to--
-Zip.

270
00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:07,398
Would you like to have
a suckle of my zipple?

271
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,442
-I want you--Stop--
-Zip.

272
00:17:10,443 --> 00:17:13,154
Listen--All--You know--

273
00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:14,947
You're like a child--

274
00:17:14,988 --> 00:17:18,200
Talk in--If you--
Just--One time--

275
00:17:18,242 --> 00:17:21,035
Zip it.
Unveil the time portal.

276
00:17:31,711 --> 00:17:33,671
As you know...

277
00:17:33,671 --> 00:17:37,591
Austin Powers
was frozen in 1967.

278
00:17:37,591 --> 00:17:40,802
Therefore,
I will travel to 1969...

279
00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:43,513
two years after he was frozen.

280
00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:45,055
He'll be helpless.

281
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,515
Ladies and gentlemen...

282
00:17:46,556 --> 00:17:47,933
I'm about to travel
through time.

283
00:17:47,975 --> 00:17:49,643
I bid you adieu.

284
00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:59,192
I'm OK.

285
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,320
Not turned on, I suppose.

286
00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:05,823
Do you think you could...

287
00:18:05,864 --> 00:18:07,074
Yeah, thanks.

288
00:18:07,116 --> 00:18:09,201
Come, Mini-Me!

289
00:18:13,246 --> 00:18:15,665
Don't be scared, Mini-Me.

290
00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:31,136
Welcome to 1969.

291
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,597
Thank you, Number Two.

292
00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:36,265
You look so healthy
and youthful.

293
00:18:36,307 --> 00:18:37,641
Well, thank you.

294
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,851
Herr Doktor.

295
00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:42,312
And Frau, you look so...

296
00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:48,233
Right.

297
00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:51,194
I received your memo
from the future.

298
00:18:51,236 --> 00:18:53,446
Your new lair is up and running.

299
00:18:53,487 --> 00:18:56,365
Is it a hollowed-out volcano
like I asked for?

300
00:18:57,116 --> 00:18:58,492
Of course.

301
00:18:59,576 --> 00:19:01,578
Good.

302
00:19:01,578 --> 00:19:05,123
Then it's all going
perfectly to plan.

303
00:19:32,854 --> 00:19:35,357
Yeah, baby, yeah!

304
00:19:39,985 --> 00:19:42,738
When did you get the Clapper?

305
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,864
November 1964.

306
00:19:44,906 --> 00:19:46,991
Dutch East Indies. Shore leave.

307
00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:50,035
Do you know how we keep warm
in Russia?

308
00:19:51,536 --> 00:19:53,288
I can guess, baby.

309
00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:54,539
We play chess.

310
00:19:54,581 --> 00:19:56,749
I guessed wrong.

311
00:19:56,791 --> 00:20:01,170
It takes a keen intellect
to play chess.

312
00:20:01,212 --> 00:20:04,339
I assume you know how to play.

313
00:20:07,425 --> 00:20:08,717
Of course, baby.

314
00:20:29,026 --> 00:20:31,862
What to do, what to do.

315
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,723
Let me ask you a question.

316
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,766
And be honest.

317
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,144
Do I make you horny, baby?

318
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,895
Do I?

319
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,522
Do I make you randy?

320
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,693
No more games.

321
00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:21,195
Dr. Evil sent me here
to kill you...

322
00:21:21,237 --> 00:21:23,906
but I find you so...

323
00:21:23,947 --> 00:21:25,824
sexy and...

324
00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:29,827
Just make love to me.

325
00:21:29,827 --> 00:21:31,871
Now, Austin Powerovich.

326
00:21:31,913 --> 00:21:33,414
Hurry!

327
00:21:37,334 --> 00:21:40,420
You're hairy like animal!

328
00:21:40,503 --> 00:21:43,422
Grr, baby! Very grr!

329
00:21:43,464 --> 00:21:46,008
Make love to me, monkey man.

330
00:21:47,134 --> 00:21:49,677
Dr. Evil, I don't understand...

331
00:21:49,719 --> 00:21:52,805
how we can hope to steal
Austin Powers' mojo.

332
00:21:52,847 --> 00:21:54,514
We've tried this before.

333
00:21:55,849 --> 00:21:58,435
The security around Powers
is fool proof.

334
00:21:58,477 --> 00:22:00,728
But this time
we have an operative...

335
00:22:00,770 --> 00:22:03,231
inside the Ministry of Defense.

336
00:22:03,272 --> 00:22:04,482
Really?

337
00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:06,817
Yes, really.

338
00:22:08,818 --> 00:22:12,948
He's stealing Austin Powers'
mojo even as we speak.

339
00:22:12,948 --> 00:22:14,240
Really?

340
00:22:19,410 --> 00:22:21,371
He's a disgruntled
Scottish guard...

341
00:22:21,412 --> 00:22:24,832
known for his lethal temper
and his unusual eating habits.

342
00:22:24,916 --> 00:22:26,750
He weighs a metric ton.

343
00:22:26,792 --> 00:22:29,795
His name...Fat Bastard.

344
00:22:32,380 --> 00:22:36,425
We've had reports there's a spy
in the Ministry of Defense.

345
00:22:36,467 --> 00:22:39,302
The contents of this room
are vital to the country.

346
00:22:39,302 --> 00:22:41,846
Be on special alert.

347
00:22:41,888 --> 00:22:43,181
Yes, sir.

348
00:22:43,223 --> 00:22:47,268
And try to lose some weight,
for God's sake.

349
00:22:51,896 --> 00:22:55,108
Mr. English colonel
tellin' me to lose weight.

350
00:22:55,149 --> 00:22:58,569
I'm a hard case, he says.

351
00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:00,529
Well, listen up, sonny Jim...

352
00:23:00,571 --> 00:23:03,614
I ate a baby!

353
00:23:03,656 --> 00:23:07,702
Oh, aye, baby.
The other other white meat.

354
00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:11,204
Baby: It's what's for dinner.

355
00:23:35,516 --> 00:23:39,020
I've got your mojo now,
sonny Jim.

356
00:23:41,313 --> 00:23:43,106
What's wrong?

357
00:23:43,148 --> 00:23:44,941
Crikey!

358
00:23:44,983 --> 00:23:47,568
I've lost my mojo.

359
00:23:51,822 --> 00:23:53,781
Austin,
the test results confirm...

360
00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:55,783
that you've lost your mojo...

361
00:23:55,825 --> 00:23:58,286
and it couldn't come
at a worse time.

362
00:23:58,328 --> 00:24:02,372
We have evidence that Dr. Evil
has developed a time machine...

363
00:24:02,414 --> 00:24:05,459
and has traveled back
to the year 1969.

364
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:06,709
Luckily, we, too...

365
00:24:06,751 --> 00:24:08,669
have developed
a time travel device...

366
00:24:08,711 --> 00:24:11,297
to transport you
back to the Sixties.

367
00:24:12,422 --> 00:24:16,801
This is where you
input your destination.

368
00:24:16,843 --> 00:24:18,219
Wait a tick.

369
00:24:18,260 --> 00:24:22,306
Basil, if I travel back to 1969
and I was frozen in 1967...

370
00:24:22,348 --> 00:24:24,807
presumably, I could go visit
my frozen self.

371
00:24:24,807 --> 00:24:27,310
But if I'm still frozen
in 1967...

372
00:24:27,352 --> 00:24:28,811
how could I have been
unthawed...

373
00:24:28,853 --> 00:24:30,313
in the Nineties
and traveled back--

374
00:24:30,355 --> 00:24:32,648
Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.

375
00:24:32,648 --> 00:24:35,108
I suggest you don't worry
about this sort of thing...

376
00:24:35,150 --> 00:24:36,735
and just enjoy yourself.

377
00:24:36,777 --> 00:24:39,028
That goes for you all, too.

378
00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:42,281
This is smashing, Basil.

379
00:24:42,323 --> 00:24:45,742
I go back to the Sixties,
recharge my mojo...

380
00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:49,079
defeat Dr. Evil,
and be back in time for tea.

381
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,540
Swinging Sixties,
here I come, baby, yeah!

382
00:24:52,581 --> 00:24:54,166
Move! Move!

383
00:24:59,462 --> 00:25:00,922
Sorry.

384
00:25:00,964 --> 00:25:02,422
I bet that's expensive.

385
00:25:07,386 --> 00:25:08,553
Sorry.

386
00:25:08,594 --> 00:25:10,471
Easy!

387
00:25:10,513 --> 00:25:11,931
Stop it now, Austin!

388
00:25:11,973 --> 00:25:14,808
Here we go.

389
00:25:14,850 --> 00:25:17,310
Yeah, baby, yeah!

390
00:25:18,478 --> 00:25:20,771
Godspeed, Austin Powers.

391
00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:41,622
I'm home!

392
00:25:56,552 --> 00:25:59,554
I'm back in the Sixties,
baby, yeah!

393
00:26:20,697 --> 00:26:23,991
Get your hands
off my Heine, baby.

394
00:26:43,799 --> 00:26:45,384
Who are you today, baby?

395
00:26:45,426 --> 00:26:49,012
My name is Robin Swallows.

396
00:26:49,054 --> 00:26:51,890
Swallows.
That's an interesting name.

397
00:26:51,890 --> 00:26:54,558
Maiden name's Spitz.

398
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,394
Which is it, baby,
Spitz or Swallows?

399
00:27:45,977 --> 00:27:47,728
Those are skintight.

400
00:27:47,770 --> 00:27:50,314
How do you get
into those pants, baby?

401
00:27:50,356 --> 00:27:52,607
You can start
by buying me a drink.

402
00:28:03,700 --> 00:28:06,119
I want! I want!

403
00:28:24,676 --> 00:28:28,179
Better play it cool.
Your friend works for Dr. Evil.

404
00:28:28,220 --> 00:28:32,433
And just who
do you work for, baby?

405
00:28:35,143 --> 00:28:37,645
Tell me, Mr. Powers...

406
00:28:37,645 --> 00:28:39,314
do you swing?

407
00:28:39,355 --> 00:28:40,856
Are you kidding, baby?

408
00:28:40,939 --> 00:28:43,901
I put the "Grr!" in "swinger, "
baby!

409
00:28:45,527 --> 00:28:48,029
Then why don't you come right...

410
00:28:48,070 --> 00:28:51,199
over here.

411
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,909
I can do that.

412
00:29:06,669 --> 00:29:09,214
Prepare to die, Powers!

413
00:29:10,924 --> 00:29:13,175
Use the machine gun!

414
00:29:22,099 --> 00:29:24,726
Say good-bye, Powers!

415
00:29:26,436 --> 00:29:29,272
Use the bazooka!

416
00:29:41,032 --> 00:29:44,076
The fall will kill us both,
Powers!

417
00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:56,711
You can't win, Powers.

418
00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:01,258
Why won't you die?

419
00:30:06,470 --> 00:30:07,847
Care for a ride?

420
00:30:11,724 --> 00:30:14,227
Go!

421
00:30:19,314 --> 00:30:21,858
Austin Powers, I presume.

422
00:30:21,941 --> 00:30:25,570
Powers by name,
Powers by reputation.

423
00:30:26,820 --> 00:30:28,530
Felicity Shagwell, CIA.

424
00:30:28,572 --> 00:30:30,031
Shagwell by name...

425
00:30:30,073 --> 00:30:32,993
shag-very-well by reputation.

426
00:30:33,033 --> 00:30:35,786
Oh, behave!

427
00:30:35,786 --> 00:30:37,288
Not if I can help it.

428
00:30:50,299 --> 00:30:53,259
You know what's remarkable
is how much England...

429
00:30:53,301 --> 00:30:56,804
looks in no way
like Southern California.

430
00:31:13,568 --> 00:31:14,819
Crikey!

431
00:31:14,819 --> 00:31:17,821
We've got company! Looks like
one of Dr. Evil's assassins.

432
00:31:40,216 --> 00:31:42,175
Steady now.

433
00:31:42,217 --> 00:31:43,635
Hands up!

434
00:31:43,676 --> 00:31:48,138
Do you remember me,
Austin Powers?

435
00:31:48,180 --> 00:31:51,183
I don't recall your name
but your...

436
00:31:51,225 --> 00:31:53,769
fez is familiar.

437
00:31:57,688 --> 00:32:00,399
My name is Mustafa.

438
00:32:00,441 --> 00:32:03,360
And I'm the man
who will be killing you now.

439
00:32:03,401 --> 00:32:07,822
Daktari!

440
00:32:16,412 --> 00:32:17,872
Who sent you?

441
00:32:17,914 --> 00:32:19,165
You'll have to kill me.

442
00:32:19,207 --> 00:32:20,666
Who sent you?

443
00:32:20,707 --> 00:32:22,626
Kiss my ass, Powers.

444
00:32:22,626 --> 00:32:24,086
Who sent you?

445
00:32:24,128 --> 00:32:25,503
Dr. Evil.

446
00:32:27,505 --> 00:32:29,966
-That was easy.
-That was.

447
00:32:30,007 --> 00:32:31,758
Why did you tell us?

448
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,969
I can't stand to be asked
the same question three times.

449
00:32:34,010 --> 00:32:35,470
It just irritates me.

450
00:32:35,512 --> 00:32:37,931
Where is Dr. Evil hiding?

451
00:32:37,973 --> 00:32:39,181
Why would he tell me?

452
00:32:39,223 --> 00:32:41,016
I'm just one of his
low-level functionaries.

453
00:32:41,058 --> 00:32:42,893
Where is Dr. Evil hiding?

454
00:32:42,935 --> 00:32:44,936
You'll have to torture me.
I'll never tell you.

455
00:32:44,978 --> 00:32:47,981
-Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
-Damn! Three times.

456
00:32:48,022 --> 00:32:51,733
He's hiding
in the secret volcano lair.

457
00:32:51,775 --> 00:32:55,028
Where's Dr. Evil's
secret volcano lair?

458
00:32:56,113 --> 00:32:57,572
I spit at the question.

459
00:32:57,613 --> 00:33:00,616
Do I really have to ask you
two more times?

460
00:33:00,658 --> 00:33:02,243
Go to hell, Powers!

461
00:33:02,285 --> 00:33:09,457
Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's
secret volcano lair?

462
00:33:09,498 --> 00:33:12,501
I will take it
to the grave with me.

463
00:33:12,543 --> 00:33:14,587
You have to answer.
He asked you three times.

464
00:33:16,713 --> 00:33:18,298
The second question was...

465
00:33:18,339 --> 00:33:20,717
"Do I really have to ask you
two more times?"

466
00:33:20,759 --> 00:33:24,178
That would be the first question
in a new line of questioning...

467
00:33:24,178 --> 00:33:26,722
and wouldn't count in
the other line of questioning.

468
00:33:26,764 --> 00:33:28,181
He's right.

469
00:33:28,222 --> 00:33:30,266
However, I'm just trying to
get information from you, man.

470
00:33:30,308 --> 00:33:33,936
I don't need any consistency
in the questions, do I?

471
00:33:33,978 --> 00:33:36,104
No. You're preaching
to the converted--

472
00:33:37,105 --> 00:33:38,648
If I'm preaching
to the converted...

473
00:33:38,690 --> 00:33:40,066
then why are you
being so slavish...

474
00:33:40,066 --> 00:33:42,276
to the three-question form?

475
00:33:42,276 --> 00:33:43,778
You're not even
looking at me, man.

476
00:33:43,819 --> 00:33:45,488
Now you're just being rude,
you know what I mean?

477
00:33:45,529 --> 00:33:46,821
You're not listening, man.

478
00:33:51,326 --> 00:33:53,869
Oh, crikey!

479
00:33:57,372 --> 00:34:00,792
Well, Austin, I think this time
you have finally met your match.

480
00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:02,293
Oh, no, baby.

481
00:34:02,335 --> 00:34:05,921
I've beaten Dr. Evil before,
and I'll beat him again.

482
00:34:05,962 --> 00:34:08,048
I was talking about me.

483
00:34:15,888 --> 00:34:17,389
Hello up there!

484
00:34:17,431 --> 00:34:19,641
I seem to have fallen
down a cliff.

485
00:34:19,682 --> 00:34:22,477
I'm still alive,
but I'm very badly injured.

486
00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:26,021
I think my legs are broken.
I'll try to stand.

487
00:34:27,022 --> 00:34:28,649
Yes, they are broken.

488
00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:30,650
Perhaps you could
toss me a band-aid...

489
00:34:30,691 --> 00:34:32,652
or some antibacterial cream.

490
00:34:32,693 --> 00:34:36,656
I'm in an extraordinarily
large amount of pain.

491
00:34:36,697 --> 00:34:38,824
The bone has
gone through the skin.

492
00:34:38,865 --> 00:34:40,992
I fear it might be gangrenous.

493
00:34:41,034 --> 00:34:43,661
The wound is beginning to smell
a little like almonds...

494
00:34:43,702 --> 00:34:45,663
which is not good.

495
00:34:45,704 --> 00:34:47,331
Please?

496
00:34:47,373 --> 00:34:48,499
No one?

497
00:34:48,541 --> 00:34:49,666
Sorry.

498
00:34:49,666 --> 00:34:51,209
I'll try the other leg.

499
00:34:56,380 --> 00:34:58,674
Two of my assassins are dead.

500
00:34:58,715 --> 00:35:01,593
I will not tolerate failure.

501
00:35:01,635 --> 00:35:03,553
I'm the man who will
maintain the dignity...

502
00:35:03,553 --> 00:35:05,555
of this evil organization.

503
00:35:05,555 --> 00:35:08,014
What the hell was that?

504
00:35:08,056 --> 00:35:10,517
Volcanic eruption!

505
00:35:19,608 --> 00:35:24,028
May I present to you my spy
in the Ministry of Defense...

506
00:35:24,070 --> 00:35:27,322
Fat Bastard.

507
00:35:27,364 --> 00:35:29,116
First things first!

508
00:35:29,158 --> 00:35:31,118
Where's your shitter?

509
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,328
I've got a turtle head
poking out.

510
00:35:35,747 --> 00:35:37,290
Charming.

511
00:35:37,331 --> 00:35:39,167
I'm not kidding.

512
00:35:39,167 --> 00:35:42,836
I got a crap on deck
that could choke a donkey.

513
00:35:42,878 --> 00:35:45,838
It's squidgey!

514
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:50,718
Christ, I'm getting
all emotional from it, you know?

515
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,219
Right.

516
00:35:53,261 --> 00:35:57,140
Fat Bastard,
could I have my mojo, please?

517
00:35:57,182 --> 00:35:59,141
Where's my money?

518
00:35:59,183 --> 00:36:01,518
All right, give him his money.

519
00:36:03,854 --> 00:36:07,273
Jesus Christ, he's tiny!

520
00:36:07,315 --> 00:36:11,318
I've had bigger chunks of corn
in my crap.

521
00:36:12,652 --> 00:36:14,946
Wait a minute.

522
00:36:14,988 --> 00:36:18,074
He kinda looks like a baby.

523
00:36:18,115 --> 00:36:21,160
Come here! I'm gonna eat you!

524
00:36:21,202 --> 00:36:22,620
I'm bigger than you.

525
00:36:22,661 --> 00:36:24,370
I'm higher on the food chain.

526
00:36:24,412 --> 00:36:26,623
Get in my belly!

527
00:36:26,664 --> 00:36:29,333
Come on!

528
00:36:29,374 --> 00:36:31,710
You're lucky, wee man!

529
00:36:32,711 --> 00:36:34,713
Can I have a hug?

530
00:36:37,382 --> 00:36:40,426
Let me make you a deal,
all right?

531
00:36:40,468 --> 00:36:42,928
You get the mojo,
you keep your money...

532
00:36:42,928 --> 00:36:45,305
and I'll get your baby.

533
00:36:47,057 --> 00:36:50,559
Right.

534
00:36:50,601 --> 00:36:52,061
I want my baby back, baby back

535
00:36:52,103 --> 00:36:53,938
Baby back, baby back,
baby back ribs

536
00:36:53,979 --> 00:36:55,605
I want my baby back, baby back

537
00:36:55,647 --> 00:36:58,108
Baby back, baby back,
baby back ribs

538
00:36:58,149 --> 00:36:59,651
Excuse me.

539
00:36:59,692 --> 00:37:01,610
Chili

540
00:37:01,652 --> 00:37:03,695
Baby back ribs

541
00:37:03,737 --> 00:37:07,240
Dr. Evil, what are we
going to do about Powers?

542
00:37:07,281 --> 00:37:10,910
Austin Powers
is no longer a threat to me.

543
00:37:10,952 --> 00:37:13,286
I have his mojo.

544
00:37:50,277 --> 00:37:54,071
All right, everyone,
you're dismissed.

545
00:37:54,113 --> 00:37:56,031
Private time.

546
00:38:28,058 --> 00:38:31,770
Dr. Evil, I don't want this
to interfere with our work.

547
00:38:31,811 --> 00:38:33,563
Don't worry, mama.

548
00:38:33,605 --> 00:38:36,607
Things won't get weird.

549
00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:46,491
One for me...

550
00:38:49,034 --> 00:38:50,994
and one for my homies.

551
00:38:52,871 --> 00:38:54,747
Herr Doktor.

552
00:39:25,606 --> 00:39:27,650
So what happened here?

553
00:39:27,733 --> 00:39:29,694
Apparently a rogue agent
named Fat Bastard...

554
00:39:29,735 --> 00:39:31,152
infiltrated the unit...

555
00:39:31,194 --> 00:39:33,029
assigned to guard
your cryogenic chamber.

556
00:39:33,071 --> 00:39:34,531
He used some sort of nerve gas.

557
00:39:34,572 --> 00:39:36,116
These men don't
remember a thing.

558
00:39:36,157 --> 00:39:37,658
Captain, why don't you...

559
00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:39,326
cross-check
Fat Bastard's profile...

560
00:39:39,368 --> 00:39:41,495
with the mainframe at Langley?

561
00:39:41,537 --> 00:39:42,621
Yes, ma'am.

562
00:39:42,663 --> 00:39:44,580
Can I borrow that, please?
Thank you.

563
00:39:46,374 --> 00:39:49,668
Look at me.
I'm a sexy bitch, baby. Yeah!

564
00:39:49,710 --> 00:39:51,378
You're a Popsicle, yes.

565
00:39:53,630 --> 00:39:56,048
And I'm spent.

566
00:39:56,090 --> 00:39:58,467
Let's go, baby, yeah!

567
00:40:03,013 --> 00:40:04,431
Hey there. How are you?

568
00:40:17,233 --> 00:40:18,568
Come on, Felicity.

569
00:40:49,177 --> 00:40:50,678
Yeah, babe.

570
00:40:52,679 --> 00:40:54,139
Shall we sit down?

571
00:40:55,182 --> 00:40:56,641
This is great.

572
00:40:56,683 --> 00:40:57,975
Groovy!

573
00:40:59,185 --> 00:41:03,147
So, Austin,
what's the future like?

574
00:41:03,189 --> 00:41:06,149
Well,
everyone has a flying car...

575
00:41:06,191 --> 00:41:08,568
entire meals
come in pill form...

576
00:41:08,610 --> 00:41:12,696
and the Earth is ruled
by damned dirty apes!

577
00:41:12,738 --> 00:41:14,281
Oh, my God!

578
00:41:14,323 --> 00:41:16,241
Had you for a second.

579
00:41:17,533 --> 00:41:20,119
You can have me for even longer,
if you want.

580
00:41:20,161 --> 00:41:25,082
You're one groovy baby...

581
00:41:25,123 --> 00:41:26,792
baby.

582
00:41:28,460 --> 00:41:29,960
Too many "babies."

583
00:41:31,462 --> 00:41:33,964
Don't you dare move.

584
00:41:36,466 --> 00:41:39,094
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach...

585
00:41:39,135 --> 00:41:41,970
and Mr. Elvis Costello.

586
00:41:46,016 --> 00:41:49,560
What do you get
when you fall in love?

587
00:41:49,602 --> 00:41:52,563
A guy with a pin
to burst your bubble

588
00:41:52,605 --> 00:41:53,981
Would you care to dance?

589
00:41:54,023 --> 00:41:55,482
I'd love to.

590
00:41:55,524 --> 00:41:57,484
For all your trouble

591
00:41:57,526 --> 00:41:59,486
I'll

592
00:41:59,528 --> 00:42:05,533
Never fall in love again

593
00:42:05,574 --> 00:42:10,537
I'll never fall in love again

594
00:42:10,578 --> 00:42:15,290
Don't tell me
what it's all about

595
00:42:15,332 --> 00:42:19,377
'Cause I've been there
and I'm glad I'm out

596
00:42:19,419 --> 00:42:23,464
Out of the those chains,
those chains that bind you

597
00:42:23,548 --> 00:42:27,509
That is why
I'm here to remind you

598
00:42:27,551 --> 00:42:30,554
What do you get
when you fall in love?

599
00:42:30,595 --> 00:42:34,974
You only get lies
and pain and sorrow

600
00:42:35,016 --> 00:42:38,727
So for at least until tomorrow

601
00:42:38,768 --> 00:42:40,895
I'll

602
00:42:40,937 --> 00:42:45,607
Never fall in love again

603
00:42:45,649 --> 00:42:47,901
I'll

604
00:42:47,943 --> 00:42:50,987
Never fall in love

605
00:42:51,029 --> 00:42:52,238
Again

606
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,866
You're quite good on your feet.

607
00:42:54,907 --> 00:42:57,576
I'm even better off my feet.

608
00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,714
Oh, behave, baby.

609
00:43:19,553 --> 00:43:21,513
-Hi.
-Hi there.

610
00:43:23,598 --> 00:43:24,849
How are things?

611
00:43:24,891 --> 00:43:26,768
Good, Herr Doktor. And you?

612
00:43:26,809 --> 00:43:29,603
Great.

613
00:43:29,645 --> 00:43:32,522
Just taking a break?

614
00:43:32,564 --> 00:43:35,983
Try the Hot Pockets.
They're breathtaking.

615
00:43:39,028 --> 00:43:40,528
It got weird, didn't it?

616
00:43:40,570 --> 00:43:43,573
-Ja.
-I knew it.

617
00:43:43,615 --> 00:43:45,241
You haven't called.

618
00:43:45,283 --> 00:43:46,617
We talked about this.

619
00:43:46,659 --> 00:43:49,703
We promised each other
it wouldn't get weird.

620
00:43:49,745 --> 00:43:51,497
I can't let my feelings
for you interfere...

621
00:43:51,538 --> 00:43:54,749
with my taking over the world,
you know that.

622
00:43:54,791 --> 00:43:58,169
You know,
I will never love another man.

623
00:44:00,003 --> 00:44:01,588
Yes, that's true.

624
00:44:05,092 --> 00:44:07,635
Dr. Evil, I'm late.

625
00:44:07,677 --> 00:44:09,136
No, you got here right on time.

626
00:44:09,136 --> 00:44:14,641
No, I mean "I'm late."

627
00:44:20,854 --> 00:44:22,064
Dad.

628
00:44:24,816 --> 00:44:27,485
Hey there, sport.

629
00:44:27,527 --> 00:44:28,861
What are you doing here?

630
00:44:28,903 --> 00:44:32,864
I was just thinking that maybe
we could work all this out.

631
00:44:32,906 --> 00:44:35,742
After all, you are my father.

632
00:44:35,784 --> 00:44:39,912
Scott, you had your chance, OK?

633
00:44:39,954 --> 00:44:42,623
I already had someone
created in my image.

634
00:44:42,665 --> 00:44:44,833
He's evil, he wants
to take over the world...

635
00:44:44,874 --> 00:44:48,294
and he fits easily
into most overhead storage bins.

636
00:44:48,378 --> 00:44:50,129
Him?

637
00:44:50,129 --> 00:44:51,547
Look at him, he's crazy.

638
00:44:51,588 --> 00:44:55,050
He's like a vicious
little Chihuahua thing.

639
00:44:56,509 --> 00:44:58,720
He'll kill me
the first chance he gets.

640
00:44:58,761 --> 00:45:00,138
Probably.

641
00:45:01,347 --> 00:45:02,639
I love you.

642
00:45:12,606 --> 00:45:16,443
I am a sexy bitch. Yes.

643
00:45:16,484 --> 00:45:20,155
Felicity,
make yourself at home, baby.

644
00:45:20,196 --> 00:45:22,364
What do you think of
my shag pad, darling?

645
00:45:22,406 --> 00:45:25,159
It's amazing, Austin.

646
00:45:28,870 --> 00:45:30,830
Wait a tick.

647
00:45:36,209 --> 00:45:40,963
That's how my mojo was stolen.
Fat Bastard.

648
00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:43,341
She's a professional agent.

649
00:45:43,382 --> 00:45:46,468
She's not interested
in shagging!

650
00:45:46,509 --> 00:45:47,844
Please, God.

651
00:45:47,886 --> 00:45:49,929
Spectacles, testicles,
wallet, and watch.

652
00:45:49,971 --> 00:45:52,681
Austin, I'm waiting.

653
00:45:58,853 --> 00:46:02,357
How about one of
your world-famous massages?

654
00:46:02,398 --> 00:46:06,860
You mean a sensual massage?

655
00:46:06,902 --> 00:46:09,404
Right, then.

656
00:46:09,446 --> 00:46:13,157
OK, here we go. Yes.

657
00:46:18,828 --> 00:46:21,873
Wait a minute,
something's itching me.

658
00:46:22,915 --> 00:46:24,500
That's better.

659
00:46:24,541 --> 00:46:25,960
Crikey.

660
00:46:34,092 --> 00:46:36,343
How does that feel, baby?

661
00:46:36,385 --> 00:46:38,178
Lower.

662
00:46:38,220 --> 00:46:41,306
How does that feel, baby?

663
00:46:42,306 --> 00:46:43,265
What?

664
00:46:43,307 --> 00:46:45,017
You don't have to be cute
with me.

665
00:46:45,059 --> 00:46:46,519
We're way past that.

666
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,436
We are?

667
00:46:48,478 --> 00:46:51,231
What do you think?

668
00:46:51,272 --> 00:46:54,984
Listen, Felicity...

669
00:46:55,025 --> 00:46:56,944
I'm sorry.

670
00:46:56,986 --> 00:46:59,446
I can't do this.

671
00:47:00,822 --> 00:47:02,282
I have to go.

672
00:47:06,411 --> 00:47:07,661
Is it me?

673
00:47:07,703 --> 00:47:11,873
I can't explain.

674
00:47:23,091 --> 00:47:24,301
Hello, Agent Shagwell.

675
00:47:24,342 --> 00:47:25,926
Where's Austin?

676
00:47:25,968 --> 00:47:29,138
I must've said something wrong,
so he just left all of a sudden.

677
00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:34,142
Listen, I don't want you
getting too close to Austin.

678
00:47:34,183 --> 00:47:36,561
It's not meant to be.

679
00:47:36,602 --> 00:47:38,353
I don't get too close
to anybody, Basil.

680
00:47:38,395 --> 00:47:40,439
My interest in this case
is purely professional.

681
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:41,982
Good.

682
00:47:42,024 --> 00:47:44,900
Then you won't mind tracking
down Fat Bastard tonight.

683
00:47:44,942 --> 00:47:46,110
No problem.

684
00:47:46,152 --> 00:47:48,654
We need you to plant
this homing device on him...

685
00:47:48,696 --> 00:47:50,780
by any means necessary.

686
00:47:50,822 --> 00:47:52,115
No problem.

687
00:47:52,157 --> 00:47:54,200
Keep up the good work.

688
00:47:54,242 --> 00:47:57,244
Remember,
by any means necessary.

689
00:48:15,426 --> 00:48:17,136
Look at yourself.

690
00:48:17,136 --> 00:48:20,640
You used to be so virile.

691
00:48:20,681 --> 00:48:23,892
You were a swinger, man.

692
00:48:23,934 --> 00:48:27,853
And now you're nothing.

693
00:48:27,853 --> 00:48:31,815
But at least
it can't get any worse.

694
00:48:31,857 --> 00:48:34,442
Well, surprise, surprise, huh!

695
00:48:34,484 --> 00:48:37,028
Look at that meal.

696
00:48:37,111 --> 00:48:41,698
I'm dead sexy.
Look at my sexy body.

697
00:48:42,950 --> 00:48:44,993
Oh, look, I'm like a singer.

698
00:48:45,035 --> 00:48:48,454
Oh, sexy man, sexy man

699
00:48:48,496 --> 00:48:51,666
Eating like a sexy man can

700
00:48:51,707 --> 00:48:54,417
By the way,
would you like some chicken?

701
00:48:54,459 --> 00:48:55,585
I've got more.

702
00:48:55,627 --> 00:48:57,796
No, thanks.

703
00:48:57,837 --> 00:48:59,380
What have we got here?

704
00:48:59,421 --> 00:49:03,926
Done with that.
All right, that's done.

705
00:49:11,765 --> 00:49:15,852
Remember,
by any means necessary.

706
00:49:20,147 --> 00:49:22,566
Frisky, are we?

707
00:49:22,566 --> 00:49:23,943
Give it up!

708
00:49:24,985 --> 00:49:26,653
Ladies and gentlemen...

709
00:49:26,695 --> 00:49:30,322
we're about to begin phase two
of our evil project...

710
00:49:30,364 --> 00:49:33,284
or is it phase--
I don't know phases.

711
00:49:33,284 --> 00:49:35,035
Any ways, this is the phase...

712
00:49:35,077 --> 00:49:39,622
in which we put
a giant "laser" on the moon.

713
00:49:39,664 --> 00:49:43,500
As you know, the moon rotates
around the Earth, like so.

714
00:49:49,922 --> 00:49:51,591
When the moon reaches...

715
00:49:51,632 --> 00:49:54,385
its appropriate
lunar alignment...

716
00:49:54,427 --> 00:49:57,012
it will destroy
Washington D.C.

717
00:49:57,053 --> 00:49:59,472
You see, I've turned the moon...

718
00:49:59,514 --> 00:50:04,226
into what I like to call
a "Death Star."

719
00:50:05,936 --> 00:50:08,813
-What?
-Nothing, Darth.

720
00:50:08,855 --> 00:50:10,148
What did you call me?

721
00:50:10,189 --> 00:50:12,483
Nothing. Rip-off!

722
00:50:13,860 --> 00:50:15,277
Bless you.

723
00:50:15,277 --> 00:50:18,280
Any ways, the key to this plan
is the giant laser.

724
00:50:18,322 --> 00:50:22,325
It was invented by the noted
Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons.

725
00:50:22,366 --> 00:50:27,120
Therefore, we shall call it
the Alan Parsons Project.

726
00:50:27,162 --> 00:50:29,915
Oh, my God.

727
00:50:29,915 --> 00:50:31,207
What now?

728
00:50:31,249 --> 00:50:35,252
The Alan Parsons Project is a
progressive rock band in 1982.

729
00:50:35,294 --> 00:50:39,172
Why don't you just call it
"Operation Wang Chung, " ass?

730
00:50:39,213 --> 00:50:40,715
What should we--

731
00:50:40,757 --> 00:50:43,426
I'm sure "Operation Bananarama"
will be huge.

732
00:50:43,468 --> 00:50:44,427
What are you saying?

733
00:50:44,469 --> 00:50:46,428
-If you wanted--
-Shh!

734
00:50:46,470 --> 00:50:47,638
Trying to be hip--

735
00:50:47,679 --> 00:50:50,432
"WWW.shh.com.org."

736
00:50:50,474 --> 00:50:52,475
-You're so--
-Shh!

737
00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:55,978
If we could put aside
the family squabbling...

738
00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:59,439
I think we could get down
to some serious business here.

739
00:50:59,481 --> 00:51:01,149
-Really?
-Yeah.

740
00:51:01,191 --> 00:51:03,068
I don't like that insolent tone.

741
00:51:03,109 --> 00:51:06,320
-I meant nothing by it.
-You want to run things?

742
00:51:06,362 --> 00:51:07,488
No, not at all.

743
00:51:07,529 --> 00:51:09,823
You want to be Daddy,
is that it?

744
00:51:09,865 --> 00:51:12,617
Number Two, you want to wear
the Daddy pants?

745
00:51:12,659 --> 00:51:14,327
You gonna cry?

746
00:51:14,369 --> 00:51:17,537
You gonna cry?

747
00:51:17,579 --> 00:51:18,914
What are you doing?

748
00:51:18,956 --> 00:51:21,750
Are you gonna squirt some?
You gonna cry?

749
00:51:21,792 --> 00:51:24,627
See, you were gonna cry.
You're a big man now, huh?

750
00:51:24,669 --> 00:51:26,379
Yeah, thought so.

751
00:51:51,149 --> 00:51:53,610
About what happened last night--

752
00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:55,236
You don't have to explain.

753
00:51:56,571 --> 00:51:58,656
You don't understand.
You see...

754
00:52:00,657 --> 00:52:03,034
I've lost my mojo.

755
00:52:03,076 --> 00:52:06,079
Oh, so that's why you--

756
00:52:09,331 --> 00:52:11,125
I thought you didn't like me.

757
00:52:11,166 --> 00:52:14,002
Oh, no, baby.
You're very shagadelic.

758
00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:16,129
I just didn't want
to fall in love again...

759
00:52:16,212 --> 00:52:19,590
and I thought you'd never
love me without my mojo.

760
00:52:19,590 --> 00:52:20,882
It's not you.

761
00:52:20,924 --> 00:52:26,596
You're fab, switched on,
a bit of all right. Yes!

762
00:52:26,637 --> 00:52:28,723
That is so great.

763
00:52:28,764 --> 00:52:30,641
There's something
I should tell you, too.

764
00:52:30,683 --> 00:52:33,727
Last night, I planted
a homing device on Fat Bastard.

765
00:52:33,768 --> 00:52:35,103
Smashing, baby.

766
00:52:35,145 --> 00:52:36,813
Then we can track down
Fat Bastard...

767
00:52:36,855 --> 00:52:38,480
get my mojo,
go back to my place...

768
00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:42,109
hop on the good foot
and do the bad thing. Yes!

769
00:52:42,151 --> 00:52:43,277
But there's more.

770
00:52:43,319 --> 00:52:45,820
In order to get close
to Fat Bastard, I had to--

771
00:52:45,862 --> 00:52:48,448
Hello, hello.
The signal's coming through.

772
00:52:48,489 --> 00:52:49,949
He's at Paddington Station.

773
00:52:49,991 --> 00:52:51,491
Let's go!

774
00:52:54,244 --> 00:52:56,371
-We're close, baby.
-This way.

775
00:52:56,371 --> 00:52:58,789
Straight--no, no, left.
Through here.

776
00:53:01,918 --> 00:53:03,001
We've got him.

777
00:53:03,043 --> 00:53:04,669
Private, bring up the ram.

778
00:53:10,049 --> 00:53:11,508
Go, go, go!

779
00:53:11,508 --> 00:53:13,010
Where is he?

780
00:53:14,178 --> 00:53:16,095
Oh, my God!

781
00:53:16,137 --> 00:53:18,932
Fat Bastard left a floater!

782
00:53:18,973 --> 00:53:21,267
In the name
of all things sacred...

783
00:53:21,309 --> 00:53:24,311
that is the most
foul-smelling thing ever!

784
00:53:24,353 --> 00:53:26,188
Somebody flush it down!

785
00:53:26,188 --> 00:53:27,481
No, nobody touch anything.

786
00:53:27,522 --> 00:53:30,399
We have to get the sample
to the lab to be analyzed.

787
00:53:32,151 --> 00:53:33,778
I'm gonna give.

788
00:53:42,409 --> 00:53:43,786
Austin, there you are.

789
00:53:43,827 --> 00:53:45,120
Has the sample been analyzed?

790
00:53:45,162 --> 00:53:48,623
Cor, baby.
You look very shagadelic!

791
00:53:50,750 --> 00:53:53,544
But do we really have
to be here, Felicity?

792
00:53:53,544 --> 00:53:56,004
I mean, it's so boring.

793
00:53:56,046 --> 00:53:57,756
I don't believe in science.

794
00:53:57,798 --> 00:54:03,052
When it comes to the spy game,
to me, it's all instinct.

795
00:54:07,722 --> 00:54:10,058
-Hello, everybody.
-Hello, Basil.

796
00:54:10,100 --> 00:54:12,017
The results are in.

797
00:54:12,059 --> 00:54:15,145
We've discovered trace elements
of a rare vegetable...

798
00:54:15,187 --> 00:54:19,065
found only on one island,
here, in the Caribbean.

799
00:54:20,650 --> 00:54:23,278
What does it all mean, Basil?

800
00:54:23,278 --> 00:54:27,739
It means that this is
the location of Dr. Evil's lair.

801
00:54:27,781 --> 00:54:30,449
Smashing, Basil.

802
00:54:30,491 --> 00:54:34,912
Cor!
This coffee smells like shit.

803
00:54:37,581 --> 00:54:39,666
It is shit, Austin.

804
00:54:39,708 --> 00:54:42,627
Oh, good, then it's not just me.

805
00:54:47,047 --> 00:54:49,215
It's a bit nutty.

806
00:54:59,516 --> 00:55:01,184
Excuse me, Dr. Evil.

807
00:55:01,226 --> 00:55:04,312
I have to speak to you
about this Mini-Me.

808
00:55:04,312 --> 00:55:05,771
He's not fitting in?

809
00:55:05,771 --> 00:55:09,065
Is he giving off too much
of a creepy Oompa Loompa vibe?

810
00:55:09,107 --> 00:55:11,985
No, it's just that he bites.

811
00:55:14,737 --> 00:55:16,197
He's a biter.

812
00:55:19,450 --> 00:55:21,659
What's wrong, Mini-Me?

813
00:55:21,701 --> 00:55:23,578
Something you want to tell us?

814
00:55:25,246 --> 00:55:26,331
Teething.

815
00:55:28,290 --> 00:55:31,960
Get me the president
of the United States of America!

816
00:55:32,002 --> 00:55:33,920
Oh, he's on.

817
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,380
What do you want, Dr. Evil?

818
00:55:36,422 --> 00:55:38,466
Mr. President,
in twelve hours...

819
00:55:38,507 --> 00:55:44,346
I will destroy Washington D.C.
with this giant "laser."

820
00:55:44,387 --> 00:55:46,805
What the--?

821
00:55:46,805 --> 00:55:51,393
Mini-Me, stop humping the laser.

822
00:55:51,434 --> 00:55:53,228
OK, honest to God...

823
00:55:53,269 --> 00:55:58,357
why don't you and the giant
laser get a frickin' room?

824
00:55:58,398 --> 00:56:02,277
Mr. President, after
I destroy Washington D.C...

825
00:56:02,319 --> 00:56:06,072
I will destroy another major
city every hour on the hour.

826
00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:08,533
That is, unless, of course,
you pay me...

827
00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:13,870
one hundred billion dollars.

828
00:56:18,791 --> 00:56:21,377
Dr. Evil, this is 1969.

829
00:56:21,418 --> 00:56:23,962
That amount of money
doesn't even exist.

830
00:56:25,797 --> 00:56:29,383
That's like saying, "I want
a kajillion bajillion dollars."

831
00:56:31,260 --> 00:56:35,680
Come on, Mr. President,
show me the money.

832
00:56:35,721 --> 00:56:37,056
Show you what money?

833
00:56:37,056 --> 00:56:39,976
Show me the money,
show me the money.

834
00:56:39,976 --> 00:56:43,311
You had me at hello.
Tear. Nothing? No?

835
00:56:43,353 --> 00:56:46,273
Psst! It's 1969.

836
00:56:46,314 --> 00:56:49,900
"Jerry Maguire" won't come out
for another thirty years.

837
00:56:49,942 --> 00:56:52,862
Nobody knows what
you're talking about, ass.

838
00:56:52,903 --> 00:56:56,656
Scott, Daddy's working, OK?

839
00:56:56,698 --> 00:56:58,408
And when you're
in the main chamber...

840
00:56:58,449 --> 00:57:00,868
try and use
the big boy voice, OK?

841
00:57:00,909 --> 00:57:02,244
Thank you.

842
00:57:03,662 --> 00:57:06,415
Mr. President,
allow me to demonstrate...

843
00:57:06,455 --> 00:57:09,876
the awesome lethality
of the Alan Parsons Project.

844
00:57:09,917 --> 00:57:11,919
Fire the laser!

845
00:57:17,674 --> 00:57:19,884
Damage report! Damage report!

846
00:57:19,925 --> 00:57:23,095
It's OK.
It's all right. Come on.

847
00:57:24,305 --> 00:57:27,390
Actually, that was footage
from "Independence Day..."

848
00:57:27,432 --> 00:57:29,517
but the real laser
would be a lot like that.

849
00:57:29,559 --> 00:57:31,727
Yeah, scary.

850
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:34,730
Now, Dr. Evil--

851
00:57:34,771 --> 00:57:38,774
Talk to the hand, 'cause
the face don't want to hear it.

852
00:57:38,858 --> 00:57:41,027
What hand? Talk to your hand?

853
00:57:41,068 --> 00:57:44,070
You ain't all that
and a bag of potato chips.

854
00:57:44,112 --> 00:57:45,697
What are you talking about?

855
00:57:45,739 --> 00:57:48,700
Don't go there, girlfriend.

856
00:57:49,784 --> 00:57:51,660
Whose girlfriend?

857
00:57:51,702 --> 00:57:53,871
Don't mess with me,
I'm one crazy mo-fo.

858
00:57:53,913 --> 00:57:55,331
I had to pop a cop...

859
00:57:55,372 --> 00:57:57,957
'cause he wasn't giving me
my props in Oaktown.

860
00:57:57,999 --> 00:58:00,376
No? I heard that somewhere.

861
00:58:01,544 --> 00:58:03,545
You're an idiot.

862
00:58:03,629 --> 00:58:07,966
Mr. President, I think
we have an understanding.

863
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:13,763
Dr. Evil, what are our plans
regarding Austin Powers?

864
00:58:13,804 --> 00:58:17,557
Austin Powers?
He's the snake to my mongoose.

865
00:58:17,599 --> 00:58:23,395
Or the mongoose to my snake.
Either way, it's bad.

866
00:58:23,437 --> 00:58:24,855
I don't know animals.

867
00:58:24,897 --> 00:58:27,483
But I do know this--

868
00:58:27,525 --> 00:58:30,318
This time it's personal.

869
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:32,153
Kill him.

870
00:58:37,616 --> 00:58:40,201
There's Dr. Evil's island.

871
00:59:14,438 --> 00:59:15,606
Let's set up camp.

872
00:59:15,648 --> 00:59:17,066
Be careful with that bag!

873
00:59:17,108 --> 00:59:19,192
There's explosives in it.

874
00:59:20,235 --> 00:59:22,612
This could be dangerous.

875
00:59:32,453 --> 00:59:36,166
What if God was one of us?

876
00:59:37,207 --> 00:59:41,086
Just a slob like one of us

877
00:59:54,639 --> 00:59:55,931
Well done, very good.

878
00:59:55,973 --> 00:59:59,185
Dr. Evil, that was fantastic.

879
00:59:59,185 --> 01:00:00,978
Thank you, Number Two.

880
01:00:01,020 --> 01:00:02,479
I wrote that, yeah.

881
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:05,190
Dad, he put this in my bed.

882
01:00:05,231 --> 01:00:06,441
Who?

883
01:00:06,483 --> 01:00:08,484
Your stupid mini-you.

884
01:00:08,525 --> 01:00:10,861
He put road kill in my sheets!

885
01:00:11,778 --> 01:00:15,156
What--Mini-Me,
don't you ever do that again.

886
01:00:15,198 --> 01:00:18,784
You hear me,
don't you ever do that again!

887
01:00:18,826 --> 01:00:21,119
I can't stay mad at you.

888
01:00:21,161 --> 01:00:22,829
Look at that punum.

889
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:28,542
Dr. Evil's headquarters
is right over that next ridge.

890
01:00:28,584 --> 01:00:29,752
Let me look.

891
01:00:30,878 --> 01:00:32,795
Damn it. How do we get in?

892
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:35,965
Hello, Mummy.
Can I have some chocolates?

893
01:00:36,007 --> 01:00:38,510
I want some Mars Bars.

894
01:00:38,551 --> 01:00:40,260
Don't smack my bottom, Mummy.

895
01:00:41,345 --> 01:00:43,138
Sorry, love.

896
01:00:43,180 --> 01:00:46,140
I got stuck
in your dirty pillows.

897
01:00:46,140 --> 01:00:47,642
Let's look at the map.

898
01:00:50,937 --> 01:00:52,562
Austin, what's our plan?

899
01:00:52,604 --> 01:00:53,980
According to this map...

900
01:00:53,980 --> 01:00:57,733
the entire island is crawling
with Dr. Evil's guards.

901
01:00:57,775 --> 01:01:00,110
I want to make sure
the explosives didn't get wet...

902
01:01:00,152 --> 01:01:01,278
but I can't find them.

903
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:03,322
Look in the bottom.

904
01:01:03,364 --> 01:01:06,074
OK, I'll dig a little deeper.

905
01:01:06,115 --> 01:01:08,243
Wow, this bag is really full.

906
01:01:09,702 --> 01:01:11,453
Just keep digging, darling.

907
01:01:11,495 --> 01:01:13,664
I'll just feel around them.

908
01:01:16,166 --> 01:01:18,376
Good lord, Austin.

909
01:01:18,417 --> 01:01:20,336
What do you keep in here?

910
01:01:20,336 --> 01:01:24,047
Anything that catches
my fancy, you know.

911
01:01:24,089 --> 01:01:25,090
Give it a good tug.

912
01:01:26,591 --> 01:01:28,593
Do we really need this?

913
01:01:28,635 --> 01:01:31,554
I'll ask you not to open that
inside, thank you very much.

914
01:01:31,595 --> 01:01:34,056
Oh, my God.

915
01:01:34,098 --> 01:01:36,141
Oops, it went off.

916
01:01:36,182 --> 01:01:38,893
Yes, it does that
from time to time.

917
01:01:38,935 --> 01:01:40,728
Eww. Yuck.

918
01:01:40,728 --> 01:01:42,729
Yeah, that's nasty.

919
01:01:42,771 --> 01:01:44,523
Yeah, sorry about that.

920
01:01:45,524 --> 01:01:46,733
Smelly.

921
01:01:46,775 --> 01:01:49,277
These people make me sick.

922
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:50,695
Can you snap me a beer?

923
01:01:55,448 --> 01:01:56,616
What is it?

924
01:01:56,658 --> 01:01:57,909
It's a gerbil.

925
01:01:57,951 --> 01:01:59,452
How did that get in your bag?

926
01:02:01,162 --> 01:02:03,497
I don't know.

927
01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,711
Dr. Evil, we have a problem.

928
01:02:09,752 --> 01:02:11,713
Austin Powers is on the island.

929
01:02:11,754 --> 01:02:15,549
Bring him to me...alive.

930
01:02:15,591 --> 01:02:17,801
You.

931
01:02:17,926 --> 01:02:19,469
Hit it!

932
01:02:19,510 --> 01:02:22,722
This is
a very sensitive subject.

933
01:02:28,768 --> 01:02:34,148
Just the two of us

934
01:02:36,233 --> 01:02:38,902
Just the two of us

935
01:02:38,943 --> 01:02:41,404
From the moment I heard
Frau say I had a clone

936
01:02:41,404 --> 01:02:43,989
I knew that I'd be safe
'cause I'd never be alone

937
01:02:44,031 --> 01:02:46,658
An evil doctor shouldn't
speak aloud about his feelings

938
01:02:46,700 --> 01:02:49,077
My hurt and my pain
don't make me too appealin'

939
01:02:49,077 --> 01:02:51,621
I'd hoped Scott
would look up to me

940
01:02:51,662 --> 01:02:54,457
Run the business of the family

941
01:02:54,499 --> 01:02:56,708
Head an evil empire
just like his dear old dad

942
01:02:56,750 --> 01:02:59,294
Give him my love
and the things I never had

943
01:02:59,336 --> 01:03:01,588
Scott would think
I was a cool guy

944
01:03:01,630 --> 01:03:04,340
Return the love I have,
make me want to cry

945
01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:06,926
Be evil,
but have my feelings, too

946
01:03:06,967 --> 01:03:09,344
Change my life with
Oprah and Maya Angelou

947
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:11,930
But Scott rejected me,
c'est la vie

948
01:03:11,971 --> 01:03:14,474
Life is cruel,
treats you unfairly

949
01:03:14,474 --> 01:03:17,142
Even so, a God there must be

950
01:03:17,184 --> 01:03:19,186
Mini-Me, you complete me

951
01:03:19,228 --> 01:03:21,646
Just the two of us

952
01:03:21,646 --> 01:03:24,232
We can make it if we try

953
01:03:24,273 --> 01:03:27,276
Just the two of us

954
01:03:27,318 --> 01:03:29,152
Just the two of us

955
01:03:29,194 --> 01:03:32,239
Just the two of us

956
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:34,490
Building castles in the sky

957
01:03:34,532 --> 01:03:36,742
Just the two of us

958
01:03:36,784 --> 01:03:38,452
You and I

959
01:03:50,045 --> 01:03:52,797
You've got this packed
really tight.

960
01:03:52,839 --> 01:03:54,924
Are you OK?

961
01:03:54,966 --> 01:03:57,510
Yeah, I just got a bit
of a back cramp, that's all.

962
01:03:58,761 --> 01:04:00,720
Just keep packing it in.

963
01:04:00,762 --> 01:04:02,472
God.

964
01:04:02,514 --> 01:04:04,057
I found the explosives.

965
01:04:04,141 --> 01:04:05,391
Help me check them.

966
01:04:05,432 --> 01:04:07,351
You're surrounded!
Drop your weapons!

967
01:04:08,060 --> 01:04:09,395
Hands up!

968
01:04:10,855 --> 01:04:12,105
Move out!

969
01:04:15,859 --> 01:04:18,277
Ladies and gentlemen,
in just a few moments...

970
01:04:18,318 --> 01:04:21,697
we're going to place
a giant "laser" on the moon.

971
01:04:21,738 --> 01:04:23,449
From my "Death Star..."

972
01:04:23,490 --> 01:04:26,826
I will destroy
every city on the planet.

973
01:04:26,826 --> 01:04:28,161
Get off of me.

974
01:04:28,202 --> 01:04:32,080
Ah, Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell...

975
01:04:32,122 --> 01:04:34,666
welcome to my
hollowed-out volcano.

976
01:04:34,708 --> 01:04:37,084
This is my associate
Fat Bastard.

977
01:04:37,126 --> 01:04:43,298
Felicity, I think you two
may have already "met."

978
01:04:43,339 --> 01:04:44,757
Unfortunately.

979
01:04:44,799 --> 01:04:48,761
Is that all the thanks I get
for the night of hot sex?

980
01:04:48,803 --> 01:04:51,805
I'm dead sexy.

981
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:53,766
You were crap!

982
01:04:55,933 --> 01:04:57,935
In your dreams.

983
01:05:02,856 --> 01:05:06,193
Felicity would never
sleep with you.

984
01:05:06,234 --> 01:05:08,235
Right?

985
01:05:08,277 --> 01:05:10,112
I did what I had to do.

986
01:05:10,154 --> 01:05:11,947
I'm a secret agent.

987
01:05:11,989 --> 01:05:13,741
What?

988
01:05:20,162 --> 01:05:22,623
All right, that's enough,
Fat Bastard.

989
01:05:22,664 --> 01:05:25,125
As much as I like
seeing Powers in agony--

990
01:05:25,167 --> 01:05:26,584
and I do--

991
01:05:26,584 --> 01:05:29,587
the thought of you naked
is just gross.

992
01:05:29,629 --> 01:05:32,548
You can't stop me now,
Mr. Powers.

993
01:05:32,589 --> 01:05:34,841
I have your mojo...

994
01:05:34,841 --> 01:05:37,636
and I'm taking it with me
to the moon.

995
01:05:37,677 --> 01:05:39,637
Put them in a jail cell.

996
01:05:40,930 --> 01:05:44,975
My mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil!

997
01:05:45,017 --> 01:05:47,769
Look at me, I'm shaking
in my little space boots.

998
01:05:47,811 --> 01:05:49,771
I want my mojo!

999
01:05:49,813 --> 01:05:51,855
Great plan, Einstein.

1000
01:05:53,315 --> 01:05:55,609
You're gonna put him in a cell
with one inept guard...

1001
01:05:55,651 --> 01:05:56,777
and they'll escape!

1002
01:05:56,819 --> 01:05:59,529
God, you do this every time!

1003
01:05:59,570 --> 01:06:03,324
You know, Scott...

1004
01:06:03,366 --> 01:06:08,912
I've been a frickin' evil doctor
for thirty frickin' years, OK?

1005
01:06:08,954 --> 01:06:11,872
Cut me some frickin' slack.

1006
01:06:11,914 --> 01:06:16,085
You forget, Scott,
we're in a volcano.

1007
01:06:16,085 --> 01:06:19,963
We're surrounded
by liquid hot magma.

1008
01:06:21,589 --> 01:06:23,298
What are you drawing?

1009
01:06:25,134 --> 01:06:27,594
It's just a good-bye card,
that's all.

1010
01:06:29,345 --> 01:06:30,930
It's sweet.

1011
01:06:38,979 --> 01:06:40,689
Hey, get him. Get the baby!

1012
01:06:40,730 --> 01:06:41,856
Back off.

1013
01:06:41,897 --> 01:06:43,399
Simmer down. Simmer down.

1014
01:06:45,359 --> 01:06:47,319
He's my posse.

1015
01:06:48,945 --> 01:06:51,281
You take special care of him.

1016
01:06:51,322 --> 01:06:53,533
He's my special boy.

1017
01:06:53,575 --> 01:06:56,535
Attention, prepare for launch.

1018
01:06:58,078 --> 01:07:02,540
Repeat, all technicians
to launch position.

1019
01:07:03,416 --> 01:07:07,711
Gentlemen,
I'm about to go to the moon.

1020
01:07:07,753 --> 01:07:11,339
Initiate prelaunch sequence.

1021
01:07:11,381 --> 01:07:14,091
Main rocket engines, ignition.

1022
01:07:14,133 --> 01:07:15,259
Frau...

1023
01:07:15,301 --> 01:07:17,303
begin the countdown.

1024
01:07:17,344 --> 01:07:19,262
Five...four...

1025
01:07:19,262 --> 01:07:20,430
three...two--

1026
01:07:20,472 --> 01:07:23,224
Frau!
Begin the countdown at thirty.

1027
01:07:25,058 --> 01:07:26,059
Thirty!

1028
01:07:26,101 --> 01:07:28,687
twenty-nine...twenty-eight...

1029
01:07:28,729 --> 01:07:30,606
twenty-seven...

1030
01:07:30,647 --> 01:07:32,940
twenty-six...twenty-five...

1031
01:07:32,982 --> 01:07:36,652
twenty-four...twenty-three...

1032
01:07:36,694 --> 01:07:39,780
twenty-two...twenty-one...

1033
01:07:39,821 --> 01:07:42,157
twenty...nineteen...

1034
01:07:42,157 --> 01:07:43,742
eighteen....

1035
01:07:43,824 --> 01:07:47,787
seventeen...sixteen...

1036
01:07:47,828 --> 01:07:50,622
fifteen...fourteen...thirteen--

1037
01:07:50,663 --> 01:07:53,333
You know what?
When the doors close...

1038
01:07:53,374 --> 01:07:55,877
just say "go." Better.

1039
01:08:00,506 --> 01:08:01,507
Go!

1040
01:08:32,032 --> 01:08:34,242
Colonel, you better
take a look at this radar.

1041
01:08:34,283 --> 01:08:36,994
What is it, son?

1042
01:08:37,036 --> 01:08:39,038
I don't know, sir.

1043
01:08:39,122 --> 01:08:40,288
But it looks like
a giant--

1044
01:08:40,330 --> 01:08:41,998
-Dick!
-Yeah?

1045
01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:43,333
Take a look out of starboard.

1046
01:08:43,375 --> 01:08:46,710
Oh, my God,
it looks like a huge--

1047
01:08:46,752 --> 01:08:48,712
-Pecker!
-Oh, where?

1048
01:08:48,754 --> 01:08:50,423
Wait, that's not a woodpecker.

1049
01:08:50,464 --> 01:08:51,465
It looks like someone's--

1050
01:08:51,507 --> 01:08:52,674
Privates!

1051
01:08:52,715 --> 01:08:55,468
We have reports of
an unidentified flying object.

1052
01:08:55,510 --> 01:08:59,513
It is a long, smooth shaft,
complete with--

1053
01:08:59,555 --> 01:09:02,474
Two balls! What is that?

1054
01:09:02,516 --> 01:09:04,184
That looks just
like an enormous--

1055
01:09:04,226 --> 01:09:05,685
Wang! Pay attention.

1056
01:09:05,727 --> 01:09:08,855
I was distracted by
that enormous flying--

1057
01:09:08,896 --> 01:09:10,314
-Willie...
-Yeah?

1058
01:09:10,356 --> 01:09:11,982
What's that?

1059
01:09:12,023 --> 01:09:14,234
Well, it looks
like a giant--

1060
01:09:14,276 --> 01:09:15,777
-Johnson?!
-Yes, sir.

1061
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:19,113
Call British Intelligence
and let them know about this.

1062
01:09:35,419 --> 01:09:36,586
What do we do?

1063
01:09:36,627 --> 01:09:39,881
Why don't you just shag
Fat Bastard again?

1064
01:09:39,922 --> 01:09:41,924
This is no time to get jealous.

1065
01:09:41,966 --> 01:09:43,675
How could you do it?

1066
01:09:43,717 --> 01:09:44,926
I was just doing my job.

1067
01:09:44,968 --> 01:09:47,054
No, I mean literally,
how could you do it?

1068
01:09:47,095 --> 01:09:48,388
The man's so fat...

1069
01:09:48,430 --> 01:09:50,389
the sheer mechanics of it
are mind-boggling.

1070
01:09:50,431 --> 01:09:54,185
Don't lay your hang-ups on me,
just 'cause you lost your mojo.

1071
01:09:54,226 --> 01:09:56,728
Ouch, baby.

1072
01:09:56,728 --> 01:09:59,189
Very ouch.

1073
01:09:59,189 --> 01:10:01,607
Look, Austin,
we're running out of time.

1074
01:10:01,607 --> 01:10:03,192
I'm sorry.

1075
01:10:04,610 --> 01:10:07,612
I just did what I thought you
would do in the same situation.

1076
01:10:08,863 --> 01:10:11,115
You're the reason
that I became a spy.

1077
01:10:12,492 --> 01:10:17,037
I thought I wanted to be you,
but then I realized that...

1078
01:10:18,121 --> 01:10:20,331
I want to be with you.

1079
01:10:20,372 --> 01:10:22,249
You do?

1080
01:10:24,335 --> 01:10:26,045
Hang on, baby.

1081
01:10:26,045 --> 01:10:27,962
Alleyoop!

1082
01:10:29,130 --> 01:10:31,132
We should talk about this later.

1083
01:10:31,174 --> 01:10:33,008
First we need to get past
that one inept guard.

1084
01:10:33,050 --> 01:10:34,468
Right, here's the plan.

1085
01:10:34,510 --> 01:10:37,221
What if I pretend to be ill
with food poisoning?

1086
01:10:37,262 --> 01:10:40,431
The guard, drawn by my cries
of pain, comes to investigate.

1087
01:10:40,473 --> 01:10:42,141
Meanwhile, you dig a pit...

1088
01:10:42,183 --> 01:10:43,851
line it with makeshift
punji sticks...

1089
01:10:43,893 --> 01:10:45,352
made from sharpened
toothbrushes.

1090
01:10:45,394 --> 01:10:47,854
The guard falls in,
Bob's your uncle, we escape.

1091
01:10:47,896 --> 01:10:49,064
What do you think?

1092
01:10:49,106 --> 01:10:51,108
That might work,
but what about this?

1093
01:10:53,109 --> 01:10:54,860
What do you think of these?

1094
01:10:54,902 --> 01:10:56,612
Mommy.

1095
01:11:02,784 --> 01:11:04,993
What a...burn?

1096
01:11:07,579 --> 01:11:11,541
That sort of thing
could get a man...fired.

1097
01:11:13,418 --> 01:11:14,836
I think he was...

1098
01:11:14,836 --> 01:11:18,422
hot...for...you.

1099
01:11:18,463 --> 01:11:20,424
-That's enough.
-Yeah.

1100
01:11:26,637 --> 01:11:30,932
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to my moon base.

1101
01:11:30,974 --> 01:11:36,103
You've all been chosen to be
part of my elite moon unit.

1102
01:11:36,145 --> 01:11:38,522
Which is divided into
two divisions...

1103
01:11:38,564 --> 01:11:40,607
Moon Unit Alpha...

1104
01:11:40,649 --> 01:11:42,608
and Moon Unit Zappa.

1105
01:11:42,650 --> 01:11:45,278
In exactly six hours...

1106
01:11:45,319 --> 01:11:48,238
the moon will move
in its orbit around the earth...

1107
01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:52,409
bringing Washington D.C.
within range of my giant...

1108
01:11:52,451 --> 01:11:54,618
"laser."

1109
01:11:54,660 --> 01:11:57,079
Begin "laser..."

1110
01:11:57,121 --> 01:11:58,998
ignition sequence.

1111
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:01,458
Begin laser ignition!

1112
01:12:02,667 --> 01:12:06,920
Attention, Moon Unit Zappa
to firing stations.

1113
01:12:06,962 --> 01:12:09,506
Initiation sequence in progress.

1114
01:12:09,506 --> 01:12:11,633
OK, all right.

1115
01:12:15,136 --> 01:12:18,972
All I asked for was a frickin'
rotating chair, OK?

1116
01:12:22,601 --> 01:12:24,436
Getting a little afraid.

1117
01:12:24,478 --> 01:12:27,813
I need an old priest
and a young priest.

1118
01:12:27,855 --> 01:12:30,483
The power of Christ compels you.

1119
01:12:30,524 --> 01:12:33,902
The power of Christ compels you.

1120
01:12:37,113 --> 01:12:41,116
Sick as a dog now.

1121
01:12:44,577 --> 01:12:46,245
Gonna vomit.

1122
01:12:54,002 --> 01:12:57,713
We need to hitch a ride
to the moon, baby.

1123
01:12:57,755 --> 01:13:00,549
Apollo Eleven is good to go.

1124
01:13:00,591 --> 01:13:02,259
Crew to all stations.

1125
01:13:03,802 --> 01:13:07,806
We will have liftoff
in T minus five seconds...

1126
01:13:07,847 --> 01:13:10,557
four...three...two.

1127
01:13:12,101 --> 01:13:13,769
We have liftoff.

1128
01:13:13,811 --> 01:13:15,478
Apollo Eleven
has cleared the tower...

1129
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:18,064
and is heading
for a rendezvous with the moon.

1130
01:13:26,988 --> 01:13:30,449
Arm the "laser."

1131
01:13:30,449 --> 01:13:32,284
Arming the laser!

1132
01:13:32,326 --> 01:13:35,245
Attention,
arming the Death Star.

1133
01:13:35,245 --> 01:13:36,413
Battle stations.

1134
01:13:36,413 --> 01:13:37,914
Laser on!

1135
01:13:37,956 --> 01:13:41,041
All crew at battle stations.

1136
01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:43,210
Get me the president.

1137
01:13:43,252 --> 01:13:46,004
You're gonna like this part,
Mini-Me.

1138
01:13:46,046 --> 01:13:49,048
This is the part where
we threaten the world leader.

1139
01:13:49,090 --> 01:13:51,926
I know we do it every time,
however it is important to--

1140
01:13:59,765 --> 01:14:01,183
Where are you?

1141
01:14:01,225 --> 01:14:04,311
Can someone put a frickin' bell
on him or something?

1142
01:14:06,730 --> 01:14:08,023
Great!

1143
01:14:08,064 --> 01:14:10,358
Somebody get the stick.

1144
01:14:11,608 --> 01:14:14,445
Just grab on to the hook,
all right?

1145
01:14:14,486 --> 01:14:16,030
You complete me.

1146
01:14:16,071 --> 01:14:17,739
I love you.

1147
01:14:18,740 --> 01:14:20,867
Hang in there, Mini-Me.

1148
01:14:20,908 --> 01:14:22,785
If anything
should happen to you...

1149
01:14:22,827 --> 01:14:24,828
I don't know what I would do.

1150
01:14:24,870 --> 01:14:27,748
I'd probably move on,
get another replica.

1151
01:14:27,748 --> 01:14:29,708
But there'd be
a ten-minute period there...

1152
01:14:29,750 --> 01:14:32,543
when I would just be
inconsolable.

1153
01:14:32,585 --> 01:14:35,087
We have your money, Dr. Evil,
but it wasn't easy.

1154
01:14:35,129 --> 01:14:37,630
Papa has to do some work, OK?

1155
01:14:37,672 --> 01:14:40,925
Well, you have exactly
thirty minutes to get it to me.

1156
01:14:40,967 --> 01:14:42,509
Ciao.

1157
01:14:45,095 --> 01:14:46,430
Jiminy jumpin' Jesus,

1158
01:14:46,472 --> 01:14:48,973
I can't believe
we're gonna pay that madman.

1159
01:14:49,015 --> 01:14:51,059
I got nukes up the ying-yang.

1160
01:14:51,100 --> 01:14:54,145
Just let me launch one,
for God's sake.

1161
01:14:54,187 --> 01:14:56,980
Are you suggesting
that we blow up the moon?

1162
01:14:57,022 --> 01:14:59,441
Would you miss it?

1163
01:14:59,483 --> 01:15:00,776
Would you miss it?

1164
01:15:04,612 --> 01:15:08,740
Mission control,
the swinger has landed.

1165
01:15:09,824 --> 01:15:12,327
Airlock, open.

1166
01:15:17,081 --> 01:15:18,248
Repressurize.

1167
01:15:18,290 --> 01:15:19,875
Let's find Dr. Evil.

1168
01:15:19,917 --> 01:15:22,251
Enjoy your stay on the moon.

1169
01:15:25,797 --> 01:15:27,589
There he is.

1170
01:15:29,883 --> 01:15:31,176
I'll cover your rear.

1171
01:15:31,218 --> 01:15:33,427
No, you go ahead.

1172
01:15:33,469 --> 01:15:36,222
This time it's personal.

1173
01:16:41,401 --> 01:16:44,321
No more.
I can't take it anymore.

1174
01:16:45,322 --> 01:16:47,781
Peace?

1175
01:16:47,781 --> 01:16:49,908
You brought my glasses.

1176
01:16:49,992 --> 01:16:52,036
Bless your little heart.

1177
01:16:53,162 --> 01:16:54,620
Well, that's not right.

1178
01:16:56,247 --> 01:16:58,750
Don't--That's just--
Now I'm pissed.

1179
01:17:00,459 --> 01:17:01,585
Judoflip!

1180
01:17:09,467 --> 01:17:12,219
Poor little bugger.

1181
01:17:12,219 --> 01:17:13,970
He's so small.

1182
01:17:14,012 --> 01:17:16,139
He's like a dog or something.

1183
01:17:17,182 --> 01:17:19,058
Poor little bugger.

1184
01:17:25,772 --> 01:17:27,774
Get off!

1185
01:17:45,413 --> 01:17:46,831
Get out of my suit!

1186
01:17:48,124 --> 01:17:50,501
It tickles. It tickles.

1187
01:17:55,589 --> 01:17:56,756
Gotcha!

1188
01:18:24,530 --> 01:18:26,073
Poor little bugger.

1189
01:18:26,156 --> 01:18:28,616
I salute you.

1190
01:18:38,375 --> 01:18:39,793
All right, slap-head.

1191
01:18:39,835 --> 01:18:41,544
Turn around.

1192
01:18:41,585 --> 01:18:44,422
Where's my mojo?

1193
01:18:44,463 --> 01:18:47,424
Well, it looks like you
have a choice, Mr. Powers--

1194
01:18:47,465 --> 01:18:49,509
save the world...

1195
01:18:49,551 --> 01:18:51,845
or save your girlfriend.

1196
01:18:54,138 --> 01:18:56,640
Don't worry about me, Austin.

1197
01:18:56,682 --> 01:18:58,267
You've got to save the world.

1198
01:18:59,559 --> 01:19:00,560
Kill him!

1199
01:19:03,688 --> 01:19:04,980
Fire the "laser."

1200
01:19:05,022 --> 01:19:06,189
Target locking.

1201
01:19:07,190 --> 01:19:08,358
God!

1202
01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:11,152
Laser set to full vitality.

1203
01:19:11,610 --> 01:19:12,778
Judo kick!

1204
01:19:18,450 --> 01:19:21,328
You may have won the battle,
Mr. Powers...

1205
01:19:21,369 --> 01:19:22,829
but you lost the war.

1206
01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:29,335
Wake up, Felicity. Wake up!

1207
01:19:29,376 --> 01:19:31,002
Escape pod ninety-five.

1208
01:19:35,131 --> 01:19:36,798
I love you, Felicity.

1209
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:38,425
I love you.

1210
01:19:38,467 --> 01:19:41,678
Dr. Evil! I'll kill him!

1211
01:19:46,390 --> 01:19:47,350
Gotcha!

1212
01:19:54,773 --> 01:19:57,483
You shot me, you a-hole.

1213
01:19:58,525 --> 01:20:01,778
And now I'm going to kill you.

1214
01:20:02,862 --> 01:20:04,447
Before you do that...

1215
01:20:06,699 --> 01:20:08,367
know this...

1216
01:20:16,874 --> 01:20:19,001
I am your father.

1217
01:20:21,294 --> 01:20:22,629
Really?

1218
01:20:24,547 --> 01:20:26,049
No, not really.

1219
01:20:26,049 --> 01:20:27,549
I can't back that up.

1220
01:20:27,591 --> 01:20:30,803
Right. Idiot. Yes.

1221
01:20:30,844 --> 01:20:33,596
But isn't it interesting,
Mr. Powers...

1222
01:20:33,638 --> 01:20:36,099
that you would rather kill me...

1223
01:20:36,099 --> 01:20:38,476
than save
your precious Felicity?

1224
01:20:38,518 --> 01:20:40,644
What do you mean?

1225
01:20:40,686 --> 01:20:45,147
Remember, there's a time portal
in the main chamber.

1226
01:20:45,189 --> 01:20:48,150
You could go back and save her.

1227
01:20:48,150 --> 01:20:49,819
I'll do that.

1228
01:21:05,081 --> 01:21:06,249
Good work!

1229
01:21:22,345 --> 01:21:25,015
Well, it looks like you
have a choice, Mr. Powers--

1230
01:21:25,056 --> 01:21:28,851
save the world
or save your girlfriend.

1231
01:21:30,894 --> 01:21:32,855
Don't worry about me, Austin.

1232
01:21:32,855 --> 01:21:34,064
You gotta save the world.

1233
01:21:35,857 --> 01:21:38,192
I choose love, baby.

1234
01:21:38,234 --> 01:21:40,820
Wait a tick. Who are you?

1235
01:21:40,862 --> 01:21:43,280
I'm you, ten minutes from now.

1236
01:21:43,322 --> 01:21:46,033
Damn it! You are handsome.

1237
01:21:47,117 --> 01:21:48,659
I was just thinking the same.

1238
01:21:50,411 --> 01:21:52,663
We are sexy.

1239
01:21:52,705 --> 01:21:55,624
We are sexy bitches. Yeah!

1240
01:21:55,665 --> 01:21:58,501
All right.
This is ri-goddamn-diculous.

1241
01:21:58,543 --> 01:21:59,877
Kill them both!

1242
01:22:06,674 --> 01:22:08,259
Fire the "laser."

1243
01:22:08,301 --> 01:22:10,219
Listen, past Austin...

1244
01:22:10,261 --> 01:22:12,512
can you save the world
while I go get the girl?

1245
01:22:12,554 --> 01:22:15,057
Sure, Austin-from-
ten-minutes-from-now.

1246
01:22:15,098 --> 01:22:17,351
Lock in target.

1247
01:22:17,392 --> 01:22:21,103
Laser set to full vitality.

1248
01:22:26,274 --> 01:22:29,402
Come on. Are you all right?
Yeah, come on.

1249
01:22:30,528 --> 01:22:31,654
You all right?

1250
01:22:31,695 --> 01:22:32,947
You OK?

1251
01:22:34,990 --> 01:22:38,326
Say, what's the policy
on menage a trois?

1252
01:22:39,410 --> 01:22:42,038
You are adorable!

1253
01:22:43,997 --> 01:22:47,084
Looking for this, Mr. Powers?

1254
01:22:47,125 --> 01:22:49,002
My mojo.

1255
01:22:50,169 --> 01:22:53,089
Self-destruct in
two minutes and counting.

1256
01:23:03,764 --> 01:23:04,932
Watch out!

1257
01:23:15,232 --> 01:23:17,234
See you in hell, Powers.

1258
01:23:21,862 --> 01:23:23,698
Hey, Austin-from-
ten-minutes-from-now!

1259
01:23:23,739 --> 01:23:27,118
This place is gonna blow.
Let's go. Come on.

1260
01:23:32,497 --> 01:23:35,874
Thirty seconds and counting.
Twenty-nine...

1261
01:23:36,959 --> 01:23:38,919
-Let's go.
-My mojo!

1262
01:23:38,961 --> 01:23:40,086
We have to go now.

1263
01:23:40,128 --> 01:23:42,380
My mojo. I'm useless without it.

1264
01:23:42,422 --> 01:23:44,173
You've had it all along.

1265
01:23:44,215 --> 01:23:45,383
What do you mean?

1266
01:23:45,425 --> 01:23:47,759
You defeated Dr. Evil,
you saved the world...

1267
01:23:47,801 --> 01:23:49,720
and believe me,
you're gonna get the girl.

1268
01:23:55,141 --> 01:23:56,142
All right then, maybe later.

1269
01:23:56,183 --> 01:23:57,184
Yeah, come on.

1270
01:24:00,353 --> 01:24:01,521
Go!

1271
01:24:03,023 --> 01:24:05,065
I'll set the controls for 1967.

1272
01:24:05,941 --> 01:24:09,486
Felicity, why don't you come
with me to 1999?

1273
01:24:09,528 --> 01:24:11,821
I don't know.
The Sixties were so groovy.

1274
01:24:11,863 --> 01:24:14,574
I want to see what happens
in the Seventies and Eighties.

1275
01:24:14,616 --> 01:24:16,200
The Seventies and the Eighties?

1276
01:24:16,242 --> 01:24:18,994
You're not missing anything.
I looked into it.

1277
01:24:19,036 --> 01:24:22,205
There's a gas shortage
and a Flock of Seagulls.

1278
01:24:22,247 --> 01:24:24,332
That's about it.

1279
01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:28,210
Let's go.

1280
01:24:50,145 --> 01:24:51,980
I love you, Austin Powers.

1281
01:24:52,022 --> 01:24:54,733
And I love you,
Felicity Shagwell.

1282
01:24:54,775 --> 01:24:56,984
Wherever we go...

1283
01:24:56,984 --> 01:24:58,903
there we are.

1284
01:25:01,071 --> 01:25:03,531
Special delivery.

1285
01:25:06,243 --> 01:25:08,452
Surprise, surprise.

1286
01:25:09,787 --> 01:25:14,123
Listen, missy,
do you fancy another go?

1287
01:25:14,165 --> 01:25:18,795
'Cause once you've had fat,
you never go back.

1288
01:25:18,836 --> 01:25:21,630
You shut your mouth,
you bastard...

1289
01:25:23,215 --> 01:25:25,133
who is fat.

1290
01:25:25,175 --> 01:25:26,259
Yeah, that's very good.

1291
01:25:26,300 --> 01:25:29,762
Before you kill us,
let me ask you one question.

1292
01:25:29,804 --> 01:25:31,180
Are you happy?

1293
01:25:31,222 --> 01:25:33,765
What kind of stupid ass
question is that?

1294
01:25:33,848 --> 01:25:37,227
I'm rich, and I'm dead sexy.

1295
01:25:45,316 --> 01:25:47,068
You didn't answer my question.

1296
01:25:47,110 --> 01:25:48,653
Are you happy?

1297
01:25:48,695 --> 01:25:50,572
Of course I'm not happy.

1298
01:25:50,613 --> 01:25:53,448
Look at me, I'm a big fat slob.

1299
01:25:53,490 --> 01:25:56,368
I've got bigger titties
than you do.

1300
01:25:56,410 --> 01:26:00,288
I've got more chins
than a Chinese phone book.

1301
01:26:00,329 --> 01:26:02,790
I've not seen my willie
in two years...

1302
01:26:02,790 --> 01:26:06,585
which is long enough
to declare it legally dead.

1303
01:26:08,837 --> 01:26:12,631
I can't stop eating.

1304
01:26:12,673 --> 01:26:15,175
I eat because I'm unhappy.

1305
01:26:18,428 --> 01:26:21,639
I'm unhappy because I eat.

1306
01:26:21,681 --> 01:26:23,891
It's a vicious cycle.

1307
01:26:23,891 --> 01:26:26,393
If you'll excuse me...

1308
01:26:26,435 --> 01:26:29,896
there's someone I have to get
in touch with and forgive.

1309
01:26:31,105 --> 01:26:32,857
Myself.

1310
01:26:37,277 --> 01:26:39,404
Oh, God.

1311
01:26:39,446 --> 01:26:42,489
Sorry, I farted.

1312
01:26:44,283 --> 01:26:45,826
It's a long road ahead.

1313
01:26:48,578 --> 01:26:50,455
Who am I kidding?

1314
01:26:50,455 --> 01:26:51,831
I'm going to kill you anyway.

1315
01:26:51,873 --> 01:26:53,249
Judo chop!

1316
01:26:55,208 --> 01:26:58,921
Right in the mommy-daddy button!

1317
01:26:58,962 --> 01:27:01,505
That's for calling me crap,
you fatty.

1318
01:27:11,723 --> 01:27:14,391
Listen, baby, I don't care
if he is a Fat Bastard...

1319
01:27:14,433 --> 01:27:16,852
you don't give a man
a shot in the pills.

1320
01:27:16,894 --> 01:27:18,603
It's just not cricket.

1321
01:27:18,645 --> 01:27:21,731
Do you think I'll be happy
here in the Nineties?

1322
01:27:21,773 --> 01:27:24,609
Well, I know the Nineties
might sound boring...

1323
01:27:24,651 --> 01:27:27,319
but as far as I'm concerned...

1324
01:27:27,361 --> 01:27:32,156
I've brought the best part
of the Sixties back with me.

1325
01:27:32,198 --> 01:27:33,449
You.

1326
01:27:33,491 --> 01:27:35,159
Wait a minute.

1327
01:27:35,201 --> 01:27:36,702
Where are you going?

1328
01:28:23,241 --> 01:28:24,951
Did we get Dr. Evil?

1329
01:28:24,951 --> 01:28:27,870
No. He got away in that rocket
that looks like a huge...

1330
01:28:27,911 --> 01:28:28,996
Penis.

1331
01:28:29,037 --> 01:28:31,915
The male reproductive organ.

1332
01:28:31,957 --> 01:28:35,001
Also known as tally whacker,
schlong, or...

1333
01:28:35,042 --> 01:28:36,294
Wiener?

1334
01:28:36,335 --> 01:28:38,462
Any of you kids
want another wiener?

1335
01:28:38,504 --> 01:28:40,797
Dad, what's that?

1336
01:28:40,839 --> 01:28:43,592
I don't know, son,
but it's got great big...

1337
01:28:43,633 --> 01:28:46,218
Nuts! Hot, salty nuts!

1338
01:28:46,260 --> 01:28:48,929
Who wants some?
Lord almighty!

1339
01:28:48,971 --> 01:28:50,681
That looks just like
my husband's...

1340
01:28:50,723 --> 01:28:52,599
One-eyed monster.

1341
01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:55,268
Step right up and see
the one-eyed monster!

1342
01:28:57,312 --> 01:28:58,812
Hey, what's that?

1343
01:28:58,854 --> 01:29:00,564
lt looks like a big...

1344
01:29:00,606 --> 01:29:02,858
Woody! Woody Harrelson?

1345
01:29:02,900 --> 01:29:04,568
Can I have your autograph?

1346
01:29:04,610 --> 01:29:05,860
Sure, no problem.

1347
01:29:05,902 --> 01:29:08,821
Oh, my Lord. Look at that thing.

1348
01:29:08,863 --> 01:29:10,031
It's so big.

1349
01:29:10,072 --> 01:29:11,907
I've seen bigger. That's...

1350
01:29:11,948 --> 01:29:13,909
Just a little prick.

1351
01:29:13,909 --> 01:29:15,785
It's a flu shot.

1352
01:29:15,827 --> 01:29:17,912
You've been
in the coldness of space.

1353
01:29:17,953 --> 01:29:20,039
I don't want you to get sick.

1354
01:29:20,080 --> 01:29:22,249
It's one thing to attack me.

1355
01:29:22,291 --> 01:29:24,876
It's quite another
to attack my Mini-Me.

1356
01:29:24,918 --> 01:29:27,921
I'm gonna get you,
Austin Powers.

1357
01:29:27,962 --> 01:29:29,963
I'm gonna get you.

1358
01:29:48,104 --> 01:29:51,106
Thank you. Welcome back.
Today we're doing a follow-up...

1359
01:29:51,148 --> 01:29:52,816
to a segment
we did several months ago...

1360
01:29:52,858 --> 01:29:55,485
on "Fathers who are trying
to take over the world."

1361
01:29:55,527 --> 01:29:58,071
Let's begin with Scott Evil.

1362
01:30:01,240 --> 01:30:03,367
What's going on with your dad?

1363
01:30:03,408 --> 01:30:04,826
Well, my dad tried to take
over the world...

1364
01:30:04,868 --> 01:30:06,954
with a giant laser on the moon.

1365
01:30:07,995 --> 01:30:09,288
I know.

1366
01:30:09,330 --> 01:30:11,374
We have a surprise for you.

1367
01:30:11,415 --> 01:30:12,625
What, my dad?

1368
01:30:12,667 --> 01:30:15,126
No, it's not your father.
It's your mother.

1369
01:30:15,168 --> 01:30:16,294
Come on out.

1370
01:30:23,342 --> 01:30:24,885
Mom?

1371
01:30:24,927 --> 01:30:29,681
Scott, you are my love child
with Dr. Evil.

1372
01:30:29,722 --> 01:30:32,058
I thought
I was a test-tube baby.

1373
01:30:32,100 --> 01:30:34,476
Lies. All lies!

1374
01:30:36,436 --> 01:30:37,896
I love you, Mom.

1375
01:30:39,230 --> 01:30:41,357
I love you, too, son.

1376
01:30:46,736 --> 01:30:48,280
Thank you.

1377
01:30:48,321 --> 01:30:51,323
You know,
what have we learned here today?

1378
01:30:51,365 --> 01:30:55,077
Perhaps it's that
no one can take your mojo.

1379
01:30:55,119 --> 01:30:57,370
You can look around
all you want...

1380
01:30:57,412 --> 01:31:00,999
but what you're really trying
to find is on the inside.

1381
01:31:01,040 --> 01:31:03,876
Take care of yourself
and each other.

1382
01:31:10,047 --> 01:31:13,134
I think I'm gonna like it
in the Nineties.

1383
01:31:13,176 --> 01:31:15,845
I never knew
it could be this way!

1384
01:31:15,887 --> 01:31:17,721
Oh, baby, baby, baby.

1385
01:31:22,433 --> 01:31:23,809
That's good.

1386
01:31:28,646 --> 01:31:29,856
How could you?

1387
01:31:29,898 --> 01:31:31,566
I thought that--

1388
01:31:31,608 --> 01:31:34,152
Past Austin?

1389
01:31:34,194 --> 01:31:37,571
Technically,
it's not cheating, baby.

1390
01:31:37,613 --> 01:31:40,616
Felicity, I can't blame you.

1391
01:31:40,657 --> 01:31:43,534
The man is handsome, baby!

1392
01:31:43,576 --> 01:31:45,786
We're just plain handsome, man.

1393
01:31:45,828 --> 01:31:49,206
Am I wrong,
but this makes me horny, baby.

1394
01:31:49,247 --> 01:31:50,624
Very randy!

1395
01:31:51,791 --> 01:31:53,751
Well, one thing's for sure--

1396
01:31:53,792 --> 01:31:56,337
I've got my mojo back.

1397
01:31:58,589 --> 01:32:00,215
It's definitely back.

1398
01:32:00,256 --> 01:32:02,008
Hello. You all right?

1399
01:32:02,050 --> 01:32:05,303
Me spuds are boiling.

1400
01:32:08,222 --> 01:32:10,641
Come on, darling,
let's hop on the good foot...

1401
01:32:10,682 --> 01:32:12,184
and do the bad thing.

1402
01:32:12,225 --> 01:32:14,185
Paging Dr. Freud.

1403
01:34:36,346 --> 01:34:38,389
Hello up there.

1404
01:34:38,431 --> 01:34:40,183
Is the movie over?

1405
01:34:40,225 --> 01:34:41,726
I'm still down here...

1406
01:34:41,768 --> 01:34:43,685
and I'm still in
quite a lot of pain.

1407
01:34:43,727 --> 01:34:46,355
Maybe someone in the lobby
could call an ambulance.

1408
01:34:46,396 --> 01:34:48,856
Oh, the pain
is really quite severe.

1409
01:34:48,856 --> 01:34:51,484
I've fashioned
a make shift splint.

1410
01:34:51,526 --> 01:34:52,944
Here goes nothing.