Oneshot: The Sheckshiesht Shcottish Accshent

*Day 'Bond.  Jamesh Bond.' in Equestria*

>You are Anon
>Wake up, morning routine, etc
>You open up your bathroom cupboard and take out the bottle of magic pills Twilight gave you
>You take one, and your ears begin to tingle slightly
>A few weeks ago, Fluttershy guessed that your fetish might be the voice of Gilbert Godfried
>Your response:  puncturing your own eardrums
>Twilight let you know it was overdramatic, albiet pretty funny, and after consulting her token black friend that lived curiously segregated from everyp0ny else, she gave you a bottle of pills that would restore your hearing
>However, since that day, Fluttershy started going balls-to-the-walls with fetishes concerning voices
>You're okay with it, considering a voice is a lot easier to deal with than, say, a jackhammer with a dildo attachment
>There was one voice, however, that you wish she would try out
>Not because it was your fetish, but because you actually had a plan as to what you would do in this scenario
>You go downstairs, grab some Scrab Cakes out of the fridge, and hear a familliar knock on the door
>You sigh, and answer
>It is, of course, Fluttershy
>And the lack of anything unusual about her makes you guess todays fetish is a voice
Hello, Fluttershy
>She smiles at you, and says:

>'Ish thish voish your fetish, Anon?'
>*squees internally*
>Oh joy of joys, today's the day
>You fake embarrassment, and eeke out:
....yes....
>Her wings shoot out from her sides
>'Sho that meansh you'll finally have shecksh with me?'
>You bite your lip
Yes, but there's one thing you have to do first
>She beams
>'Anything!'
>You can hardly contain your excitement;  it's finally happening
I need you to get somep0ny's permission to sit on them, and then sit on them
>Her face lights up
>'That'll be eashy!'
>Her head swivels around, and sees Applejack setting up her sales booth
>'APPLEJACK!'
>Applejack stops working, and waves to the two of you
>'APPLEJACK, CAN I SHIT ON YOU?'
>Oh God, this is even better than you hoped it'd be
>Applejack has frozen in place, then slowly starts packing up her apple cart to move it somewhere else
>'APPLEJACK, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?  I JUSHT NEED TO SHIT ON YOU REALLY QUICK!'
>Wide-eyed, Applejack silently finishes packing up her cart and Falcon-NOOPEs the fuck out of there, leaving a trail of dust in her wake
>You have to bite your knuckle to keep from laughing
H-h-how about we go ask Twilight?  She'll probably say yes.

>A few minutes later, you're standing in front of Twilight's library
>Fluttershy pounds frantically on the front door;  her prize is in sight and all she has to do is sit on someone consentually
>You stifle a giggle
>Twilight finally answers the door, looking kind of miffed
>'Oh!  Hi guys, what's-'
>'TWILIGHT, CAN I SHIT ON YOU?  IT'LL ONLY TAKE A SHECKOND'
>Her impatience is making this delicious
>Twilight looks horrified
>'N-no?'
>Fluttershy looks heartbroken
>'Pleash?  I jusht really need to shit on shomep0ny...'
>'Uhm... that's nice... but it's still a no'
>Twilight begins closing the door on you two
>'Yeah...  no... please don't ever ask me that again...'
>Fluttershy looks up at you sadly
>'I don't think anyp0ny ish going to let me shit on them today....'
>You shiver violently
>MUST.  NOT.  LAUGH.
How about we try Rarity?   She'll probably be generous enough to let you sit on her for a second.
>'Eckshelent idea!  Let'sh go!'

>As you walk, you explain what your 'fetish' entails
>'Sho, what you're shaying ish, it doeshn't matter who'sh shitting on who, but that shomep0ny ish shitting on shomep0ny elsh?'
>You nod and stifle a giggle
>This is going to be good
>You make it to Rarity's, surprised that Flutterbutter hasn't figured out what she's saying yet
>After some frantic knocking, Rarity answers the door, ladylike as always
>This time Fluttershy doesn't even let her talk
>'RARITY!  I NEED TO SHIT ON YOU!'
>Rarity is shocked, to say the least
>'OR, YOU COULD SHIT ON ME!  IT DOESHN'T MATTER WHICH!'
>'PLEASH, RARITY!  YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT WOULD MEAN TO ME!'
>Rarity suddenly gets very angry
>'...I don't know who you heard this from, but I don't do that anymore.'
>Woah, woah, what?
>You figured Rarity was kinky, but this is a little extreme
>'I'm trying to put that job behind me, and run a successful boutique.'
>Your sides can't take much more of this
>Rarity slams the door in your face with a huff
>Fluttershy looks dejected again, but then quickly brightens
>'HEY RARITY!  ISH SHWEETIE BELLE HOME?'
>'YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER, YOU PERVERT!'

>And with that, your sides collapse so suddenly and with such force that they form a neutron star
>You're HOWLING on the ground with laughter, as Fluttershy looks over you, confused
You... and Sweetie Belle... and...  Oh God....
>You continue to roll, and Fluttershy starts thinking about what she's been saying
>After a few seconds, she goes wide-eyed, and starts glaring at you
>'You are a complete bashtard, I jusht hope you know that'
>You continue to laugh, and she flutters off, mortified
>You know she'll be over it soon, probably by tomorrow morning
>But that's okay, you got a laugh out of it, and at least you're not
>Fucking Fluttershy


Hey everybody!  This awesome guy named Baritone did a vocal recording of this story!
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Putjosxfgl
You should check it out, if only to hear his scary-good Sean Connery impersonation!