Thread 88: Stories 61-75

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Rainbow Dash"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but my writer is debating if he wants to write a short dream adventure for me! Now for our main guest...RAINBOW DASH!!!
Applause

"Wassup"

>How's Tank?

RD starts tearing up and cries.
"Taaaaaaank!"

>Okay, you're still taking it well. That's our show. Thanks for joining us everypony!

RD wakes up.
"*sniff*...One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"???"
'???'
~???~
~~~~~

>WHY DIDN'T I STAY WITH THE FAIRIES!?

This was, of course, a question he should probably have asked before setting out into the big scary woods after fulfilling their request and getting his requisite loot. It was a big, shimmering, glowing castle, the odds of the others stumbling upon it were high enough he could probably have waited it out, and they certainly weren't in a rush to get rid of him.

But no, he had decided the grind time and stalling had ended, and it was time to go out into the big scary world!

And, of course, he was immediately besieged by harpies.

So, so many harpies.

SO MANY harpies.

In true heroic fashion, the first inclination was to try to battle them, to heroically clash in an epic fight greater than any had been before!

But again... SO MANY HARPIES.

>CRAP CRAP CRAP CRA-... oh crap!

Fun fact, harpies fly. Which means they likely prefer to stay in areas with high places to look down from. Say, in a place surrounded by trees, on the edge of, say... mountains.

Much like the one currently staring him down, and mocking him with it's sheerness.

>...Crap.

With nowhere left to run, he instead turned his holy blade to them, the many... MANY harpies surrounding him, all of them preparing to attack, and likely more waiting in the woods he could not peer into.

>Well, this was a surprisingly short run through.

Speaking of 'run through', they seemed to take that for a cue.

~And lo, did the brave paladin find himself surrounded, his end surely to come swiftly, and oh so painfully.~

>Diiiidn't need the refresher, Luna.

~For the biggest, meanest, strongest, and most eyeball hungry Harpy was preparing her attack!~

>...That last part just seems like unnecessary information.

~And with this roll... ATTACK!~

He braced himself, knowing that, with his life in Luna's hooves... this was going to hurt.

"Roll for surprise counterattack."

That voice... that sounded so familiar.

But is sounded so... different.

~Oh! Uh... huh.~

"Well, looks like I've found a bit of fire in my life."

From the shadow of the trees, he heard a whip crack out, snapping as it soared through the skies and wrapping itself around the neck of the gawking harpy.

With a single jerk back, the winged sorta-avian burst into flame, and was hurled through the air into one of it's brethren. Both hit the ground shortly thereafter, burning away into cinders, and shining a light into the dark woods beyond.

Within that dim light, twin hungry, narrowed eyes glowed like fire.

"What a pity, I hoped you would last longer... oh, but I supposed there's this big, strong, shining paladin over here that can cover that."

Heels clicked against invisible cobble stones with every step as the figure emerged. Tall, slender legs parted the trees with an easy gait as the harpies spread out, allowing her a passage to move in their fear. She stepped into the light, each ray glimmering against the jewels on her... 'sparse' outfit, runes etched into them every bit as wicked as her smile

Gently, she moved her whip under his chin, and lifted until his goggling, stupefied eyes locked with hers.

"What say you, paladin? Do you desire a little... fun with me? I promise you, it will be worth your while..."

>....C-Celestia!?

The alabaster alicorn smirked, adjusting her garb ever so slightly.

"And here I thought you wouldn't recognize me."

>...You're a succubus.

She threw her surprisingly dark mane back, cackling with glee at his open, unabashed staring.

"That I am! Mage class, to be more precise. I decided, you know, I always play the same type, same role same everything... what if I mixed it up, just a bit? I thought... what if I played the bad girl for once?..."

She closed the distance between them, breathing into his ear.

"What do you think?"

>...Uh huh.

"I thought so."

>You uh... you do look... good. Really, uh.... really good.

"Mmmm... and I admit, you fill out that armor really, really well. Say, I could use a boost to take care of these things, why don't we try a little advanced-"

~So wrapped up in her little game with the shining paladin warrior, the succubi failed to notice as the next harpy attacked!... Which was all of them!~

>"...WHAT!?"

Both swirled around just in time to see a literal army of the things tearing off at them like they had revealed they had harpy-treats stuffed in their eyeballs.

"Talking is a free action! TALKING IS A FREE ACTION!"

~Unless the master says otherwise! WE SAY OTHERWISE! THINE ATTACK GOES-~

All of them, every one, stopped when of all things, a dead squirrel was tossed in between player characters and nameless mob.

~...What the-~

'Roll. For. Counterattack.'

Strong. Determined. Unwavering. Focused. Deadly serious. All of these worked to describe the voice that boomed out like thunder through the area.

Familiar was another one...

~...Oh, dear.~

'Critical.'

The woods beside them exploded with light, a thrust of a beat of wings signaled their newest arrival. Enshrouded by the light of the sun, they hefted a staff of glimmering white to the sky, and called to the shrieking masses down below.

'Twisted things of old. Fellows who once flew free who follow this darkened path. Monsters spawned from what had been! I cast you away! You know not the heat of salvation, you know not the glow of above, you know not light of glory! LET ME SHOW YOU!'

They shrieked in agony as the staff swung down, letting loose a blinding light that consumed them all. One by one, their feathers burst into flames, seared away by the magic. With nothing to keep them aloft, one by one they fell from the sky, and to a doom their suddenly weakened bodies could not withstand anymore.

With one fell swoop, they all fell dead, and dissolved away beneath the light of the heavens.

'Fools.'

The figure descended upon them, encircled by the rays of the sun as she narrowed in on the two she had defended.

They looked on in shock... and a little bit of awe.

'Warrior of light, defender of truth, you would cavort with this... thing of the dark? You would sully thineself with one who has taken with the dark forces? You would give yourself to one so... black? Warrior, that is so... Sexy!'

So much for that awe thing. Facehoof knocked that right away. For Celestia, at least.

Shining continued to stare, just a bit.

"Chrysalis, what are you doing?"

The changeling smiled wide, adjusting her flowing, ethereal robes a little bit. Robes that should have covered all of her, but for some reason came up a little 'short' in the back.

'Playing against type.'

"You picked an Angel!? Seriously!? That's... that's what I normally am! This is so weird! You're an ANGEL!?"

'Mmmm... looks like I am. More specifically... succubus class.'

"...Absolutely not."

'Hmm?'

"You absolutely can't, that's like mixing oil and water. Those are two opposite things."

'Yeaaaah, long story. See, I'm an angel who found the secret to succubi magic, and was so enamored with the whole thing that I abandoned my previous life to become one of them! I retained my angelic powers, but instead of prayer to a certain deity-who feels betrayed by my leaving of course- I obtain it through love and happiness, like an angel should.'

"But... how does that work!? You would be so OP!"

'Ah, aaactually...'

She shuffled, looking a touch nervous.

"Wait a minute, what are the odds you were so close to us at that exact moment? Hold up, I'm actually trying to think about this. That it happened to me was unlikely enough, but for you also to be right there? Just seems... improbable."

'...'

"...You didn't arrive just now, did you?"

'...'

"How long have you been following him?"

'...'

"...Chrysalis?"

~And low, did the foolish angel try to hide her shame, that she had been following her warrior of light for several hours, all while killing small animals in a desperate attempt to level up this whole time! Lo, did she pray they did not know that while he was being chased, many a rabbit and squirrel were being frantically blasted with all the fever of a serial killer, all because she had been so utterly stupid in her choices that-~

'THANK YOU, LUNA, WE GET THE POINT!'

"Wait, stupid choices in what?"

'...Okay, think about it like this. I'm an angel, but I chose the path of the succubi, right? So angels don't like me anymore.'

"Right."

'But also, I'm an angel, the sworn enemy of the succubi, so they don't like me.'

"Following."

'And any who come across me know I'm an angel who chose a dark path, so they... would be suspicious.'

"Riiight?"

'How much of a penalty to charisma do you think I took with that one?'

"...ohhhhhh... OHHHHh... oh."

'Yeah, it was higher.'

"Wait, wouldn't that have made you a mute?"

'Until level 2, yes. And that's only because you need at least one point to talk... which is all I have.'

"...OHHHHHHH... pfft...pfft..."

'Don't-'

"AHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHH!"

'And theeere it is.'

"Oh, poor little angel..."

Her voice changed on a dime, going from mocking to silky smooth with unsettling ease.

"Thought she could play in my domain without any penalties... oh, but little does she know that this life has such... detriments."

'Many benefits, though. As one like yourself should be able to attest, succubus.'

"Oh yes..."

She closed in, so close her and Chrysalis's muzzle's nearly touched.

"Many benefits, angel. Perhaps you made the right choice, or perhaps you're just a little rebellious girl in over her head... it'll be fun to see if you're the type to scream... or the type to SCREAM."

'Mmm... perhaps at another time, for we have found ourselves a more interesting companion, have we not?'

Her eyes glimmered with mirth before they cut to the side, looking upon the stock still paladin.

"Oh, I suppose we have..."

'You know, a paladin can increase his power with relations to... divinity like myself. And I also get a boost from the... act, of course. Perhaps I should go first?'

"...Really? Is this really why you-"

'Shh! Stay in character!'

"...Ahem... why can't we... share?"

'...I'm not opposed to sharing if it's a fellow... succubus.'

>Uh... uh...

~SUDDENLY! A HORDE OF BLADED RHINOS SMELLED THEM, AND BEGAN THUNDERING IN THEIR DIRECTION!~

"Wait, what!? Bladed rhinos can't smell worth a-"

~START RUNNING!~

Be it from the insistence in her voice or the sudden thundering of a stampede, but they decided it was probably a good idea to obey.

"Damn it, Luna! Now we've got to... Shining?"

Abruptly, the stallion slapped himself across the face.

Hard.

>MARRIED!.... wait, I'm sorry, what was-

'STAMPEDE!'

>Oh... OH SHIT!

The running began.

They didn't know when it would stop.

~..Ugghh... we still see it in our mind...~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Cadence
"???"
~~~

>Okay! So, that didn't go so well, but at least I didn't die! Yay! Yay for Cadence, she didn't die, that's a plus and I am plussing all my plusses for that one. You see this, little bunny? This is how you do it!... Now! Which way do I go?... North?

"Don't go north.'

>Gotcha! North, no go, no going on the northing. Not going to do that... should I gooooo.... south?

"Not south either."

>No going down south!... heh, not that I do all that much anyway, heyooo!... I should really say this when ponies are actually around, you know? I always feel embarrassed when trying to talk like that around others, but it's kinda fun.... okay, so, go east?

"East is bad."

>Then that only leaves one direction! Go west, frontier style! Ride 'em like the wind... now that I do sometimes! Hee hee!... Wow, I would never say that around others, you know? I seriously think I would die if anyone heard me say that.... Focus! That's the way I need to go and how I'm going to go to it! Yes! This is totally fine and in every way a good thing!

"It certainly can't be as bad as your other choices."

>Oh please, I've only made one bad choice and that was the time I tried to practice on a cucumber... waaaait a minute....

"..."

>...wait a minute...

"..."

>...Wait...

"..."

>...If you're Chrysalis, just kill me now.

"Not her."

>If you're Twilight, SUPER kill me.

"Not her either."

>...Eighteen?

"Getting warmer."

>...

*poke*

>....oh... OHHHH! Thank goodness, Forty Two?

"Got it."

>PHEW! I mean... PHEW! Hooo hoo hoo... wow. That was... woo! Thank goodness.

"Erm... glad you're more comfortable with saying that to me?"

>Oh yeah, I never have to worry about you making fun of me for it or telling anyone.... or doing it back. PHEW! Good, got me a bodyguard! Let's go!

"Er... right behind you..."

>...

"...Eighteen says you should actually practice with a banana, because..."

>...

"Shutting up now."

>I thank you.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >???
"Luna"

"Have to admit, this? This is a departure for you."

THWACK!

>How do you mean?

SMACK SMACK WHABAM!

"We didn't quite thinkest thou to chose the monk class-"

>Hang on, MANTIS STANCE!

SMASH!

"-or the Ironshod race."

>What can I say? I'm a complicated...well Ironshod are essentially robots, so I'm not quite a girl now am I?

"...nice work with the gilding by the way."

>Oh please darling, even as a living suit of armor, there's no excuse to not be elegant-

THWACK SMACK!

"...and that's the last of the kobolds. Honestly if we can be frank, that was a bit overkill."

>With such hideous creatures, overkill is the only kill I can do.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >18
"Dash"
~~~

>So that's why I say, practice with a banana! It's softer, so there's less hazard there from the hardness, and it gives you a pretty good idea of what to expect!

"...How did the conversation get to this point, and how can I make it not this point anymore?"

>Well, you're the one who brought it up.

"How. How did I bring it up?"

>You specifically asked for tips!

"Yeah, but on-ohhhhhh."

>Oh?

"Oh, uh... I thought you were talking about something else."

>What? What else could I have meant? Peeling a banana is perfect for practicing peeling off papers and separating them! Why, if you do it right you won't even have to lick your hooves!

"Ah... see, when I kinda mentioned the other thing, I thought you were talking about."

>Oh...OH!

"..."

>...A banana IS great for that too-

"Got it."

>Or if you really want, just grab some young rookie and-

"GOT IT."

>...Have you ever-

"CAN WE PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT ME SUCKING A DICK!"

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...There is someone else RIGHT behind me, isn't there?

"Yep."

>Gonna make fun of me?

"Uh..."

'Dashie, I never knew about this side of you! Rainbow hair totally threw me off.'

>SHUT UP PINKIE!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Spike
"Luna"
~~~~

"Thou finds thineself in- OH DEAR SWEET MOTHER ABOVE!"

>Oh, hey Luna, finally remember me?

"WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE!?"

>It was flammable.

"That does not answer our question!"

>...I think it does, actually. Where have you been?

"We were trying to focus on the others! We are trying to go in order of importance!"

>Oh. Do you need to go to someone else? I can wait while you get to them.

"Not necessary."

>...Harsh.

"SAYS THE BABY IMMOLATOR!"

>Baby?

"Yes! Those little things were BABIES!"

>Babies to what?

*ROOOAR!*

>...

"THAT!"

>Oh wow, that is big. Think she'll be mad?

"..."

>...Can I just run?

"We would advise you stay and fight."

>Why, because I can win?

"..."

>...huh.

"ROLLING FOR ATTACKS!"

>WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Haymaker
“Blueblood”
~~~~

“Maker?”

>Yes?

“I feel I must point out that while I am ever grateful that you again decided to help me with the upkeep of the castle, namely by mopping, you seem to be abreast of the fact that your mop no longer has a… mop.”

>Huh. Well how ‘bout that.

“Yes, your mopping methods have been a tad… severe. You've ground the mop head clean off and for the past ten minutes have been doing nothing but scratching the tiles with the stick end.”

>Hm.

“Annnnnd you’re still doing it, I see.”

>I do believe I am.

“…Anything wrong? Like, anything you wish to discuss?”

>Hm? Oh, no, I’m fine. I mean, so what if my princess is occupied with some dungeon game whatever thing, and my captain is busy chasing some pegasus from the ‘Bolts. Who cares?

“Who does care, exactly.

>No big deal.

“Smallest deal ever."

>Not like I wanted to train or nothing.

“I hear love handles are in this season is what I hear.”

>My princess will be just fine.

“Tough ol' apple, she is.”

>I’ll just keep mopping.

“More like gouging the floor but okay, it’s that new-age mopping.”

>…

“…Want me to go get you one of PJ’s special potatoes?”

>…

“Her special potatoes kept warm between her loving thighs?"

>…okay.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >???
"Changelings"
~~~~~

"I'm starting to think that snow isn't made of lemonade at all!"

"..."

"...It's actually more mango, I think the snowcone guy got them mixed up."

"Who buys a snowcone in the middle of winter!? Every time I think you can't get stupider, you somehow manage!"

"Hey, snowcones are always awesome."

"It's just snow and syrup!"

"So? I don't get any nutrients, its just flavor to me. Flavor is flavor."

"...Don't try to make this sound somewhat reasonable-"

>A! HEM!

"...Who's this douchbag?"

>LINGS AND OTHER LINGS! My name is Soarin'! I am a senior member of the premier flying group, the Wonderbolts! Now, some of you may be wondering why I am here!

"...You want to gamble?"

>Nope!

"Watch my juggling act?"

>Wrong again!

"Read the next part of Knight of the Hive?"

>More of a Soldier and the Sun fellow myself!

"SHIT TASTE!"

>But no, none of that! For you see, the staff has had complaints as to the olfactory status of this area!

"We smell fine!"

>...

"Yeah, I know that word, what of it?"

>...Anywhooo, with such a complaint, we must insist you all take a shower!

"Wha-NO!"

>Are you suuuure?

"""""NO!""""

>Well then, you leave me no choice.

"HA! Come on, try it! I dare you to TRY to do that, just a little bit! WE HAVE LASERS AND CAN FLY!"

>Oh? Do you also have a study in structural engineering?

"Well, no."

"My classes start next month!"

>Oh, what a pity, then you won't know.

"...Won't know what?"

>How every single building has various... safety measure.

"...wha-"

Without waiting, the stallion reached up to the ceiling, and pulled on something.

The next second, the sprinklers came on.

"YOU DICK!"

"THE WATER! IT BURRRRNS!"

"I CAN'T SWIM!"

>The staff will be most appreciative... bye!

With that, he tore off, leaving behind soaked, rained on changelings.

"....GET HIM YOU FUCKERS!"

"EAT HIS WINGS!"

"TEAR HIM... APAAAARRRRTTTTT!"

As one, they rose up.

>Just as planned...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Steam Gauge"
'Quicksilver Sash'

---

"I just had an ominous feeling..."

'You felt that too?'

"Yeah... whether or not I'm actually just cold or we both just shivered due to foreshadowing, I don't know though."

'I-it's probably nothing.'

"You're probably right."

'...'

"We're gonna be in trouble, aren't we?"

'...I'm grabbing my armour.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Twilight
"Luna"
~~~

>THIS IS SO STUPID!

CLINK!

>HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO USE THIS THING!?

CLONK!

>HOW!?

"And long did the warrior battle, spiteful of the unfortunate twist of fate that had brought her an axe instead of that which she was most used to."

>BECAUSE OF YOU!

"But, IN HER HEART, the young warrior knew that it had been an ACCIDENT of fate and nothing else! AN ACCIDENT!"

>...

"And, she knew, in that heart of hearts, that perhaps this would benefit her in the long run! Maybe even work out better, who knows! She perhaps thought she might even be appreciative for such a GIFT, she didn't know! Perhaps, she thought, she should complain less and enjoy the fact she was in an ADVENTURE anyway, maybe! Maybe she should not be so JUDGMENTAL to fate, perhaps! Perhaps fate is trying damn it! She's trying and this is hard to do! Fate didn't ask for this! She didn't even play this stupid game of reality! But fate stepped up anyway! So maybe, just maybe THE YOUNG WARRIOR SHOULD-"

>Luna?

"..."

>Time to stop now.

"...sorry."

>Yeah, kinda think you should be.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon or OoCO
>AJ
"Rarity"
'Sweetie Belle'
~~~~
>Tell me Rarity, why do you wear the dress?

"Nobody cared who I was before I put on the dress."

>If Ah snap one of those straps. Would it hurt?

"It would be extremely painful..."

>You're a big girl.

"For you..."

>Was getting your hair dyed part of the plan?

"...of course."

>Well, congratulations. You got your hair dyed white. Now what's the next step of your master plan?

"Party elegantly...with no survivors."

~When the party ends.~

Sweetie Belles walks to the door and gets stopped.
"No sweetie belle. They expect one of us to stay behind and clean up."

'Is this because I started that fire?'

"...Yes, it rose pretty high."

'...Is there going to be yelling?'

"Calm down. Now's not the time for yelling...that comes later."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >PD
"Luna"

"Alright, now, Rogue, we-wait, where are you!?"

>In the forest?

"...whyyyy?"

>Because I didn't want to stay there and get caught.

"But-wuh-YOUR SADDLEBAGS ARE FULL OF LOOT! HOW!?"

>Uh, well it's like this: I may be a level one Rogue physically, but mentally I'm pretty high up. The game didn't strip away my memory of how to do stuff like this and the layout was pretty simplistic, like a tutorial level...was it a-

"Yes."

>...want me to go back?

"For the sake of the story, would you?"

>Sure.

Jingle jangle jingle jangle jingle jangle...

"You could just stash the gold, you know."

>Nah, I like the challenge.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Sombra
"Two"

Boldly two souls descended a set of stairs into the darkness-

Click.

-er, generally well lit depths of the Sparkle House.

>So this is where Shining Armor's love for the worlds of Science Fiction and Fantasy was born-

"Smells kinda weird Somby."

>Well considering the company he kept at the time I would assume that's some kind of residual acne cream stench.

"Whassat?"

>Pray you never find out, stay young forever.

"Can do!"

>Now, let's see...hm, we'll here's a thing.

"That's a big trunk."

>Indeed, and considering the rather garish 'Shining Armor Rules' written across the tops, I believe it belongs to our dear Shiny.

"Let's open it!"

>Uhhh, wait a moment.

"Why?"

>Just uh, just trust me, the misty shores of puberty are far from your small boat, but I know what young Shiny probably went through and therefore what might be in this trunk. I'll just give it a peek and tell you if it's...safe.

"...Somby I understood about one outta four of those words, but okay, I trust ya."

With a whoosh, the ghostly wisp known as Sombra passed through the trunk. In an instant her turned eyes wide.

>Two?

"Yeah, Somby?"

>I say this with every ounce of maturity in my lack of a body: Openitopenitopenitopenit!

The sight of a small head bouncing up and down in the air like a ball guiding a sing-a-long was enough for the young changeling to open the trunk, revealing.

"Whoa..."

Models.

No, thankfully not THOSE kind of models.

Small models, plastic, metal, of every genre and game one could imagine.

>It's beautifuuuuul~!

"...hey look a maga-"

PEW!

"..."

>...sorry, reflex.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Poindexter
"Luna"
'???'
~~~~~

"Thou's traversing through these castle halls is wrought with peril. On every tile, there is a trap to behold, a new danger to see, a-"

>Got it.

"Thou can let us have a little fun!"

>Look, I appreciate it and all, but I'm trying to focus here. I just need to... oh, ha ha.

"What?"

>Really? Ghosts? Come on, that's so cheesy.

"We did not put in ghosts!... In this part."

>Oh yeah? Fine, what is it, specters?

"Aren't specters just ghosts with highbrow names?"

>Fine. Living castle?

"The castle is not alive!"

>Well, it's something! Whatever, roll for attack.

"But there is nothing there for you to attack, what are thou aiming at?"

>...Wait, you seriously don't know what I'm talking about?

"No!"

>You don't see it?

"See what!?"

>...

"..."

>... any chance you're just in my head?

'No.'

>I see.... AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*FLEES!*

'...Pffthee hee hee heee!'

"What in the... oh! It's you, didn't even see you!"

'Yes, quite sad that this cloak of hiding you gave me doesn't compensate for the fact my eyes glow now. Though I must say, it made for quite the reveal.'

"Oh! We did not even think of that! Apologies."

'It's quite alright... darling.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Luna"
'???'
~~~~~~

>Dang it!

Fzzzt.

>Dang it!

Fzzt.

>...DANG IT!

FZZT!

>How does this thing work!?

"Thou must look into thine-"

>SHUT UP!

"But... but we are the dungeon master! Thou must listen to us!"

>Ah' ain't gotta listen ta' nothin' ya' class shiftin' so and so! Ah' had a good thing goin' with mah' barbarian class! Ah' was kickin' ass and takin' names! Ya' took Chops McGee from me, Luna! Ah' loved that axe like mah' brother!

"This is important!"

>How!? It's a dang game! Ah'm not even gonna cast real magic, Ah' just say magic missile or some crap and it does it! Only Ah' suck at this here class!

"Thou needs to finally get thine rear in gear on this!'

>No, what Ah' need is backup a'fore Ah' get mah' tail punched in!... Dang it, how do Ah' call ta' them!?

"Thou could use a fireworks spell."

>And then Ah'd get mah' rear pounded by every dang monster from here ta' the end o' the world! Do Ah' look like the time ta' wanna get a train run on me by every dang scaled monster on the face o' the earth!?

"...No comment."

>Ugh.... wait... waiiiiiitt... wait a minute.

"What?"

>...What're the odds this is gonna work?

"We would be happy to tell thou if thou would speak."

>...Summon apple!

With a POOF! Two of them appeared in her hooves.

"Oh, great. Thou just used up all thine Magic Points for that. Are thou happy? Did thou get what thou wished? Thine apples are achieved, huzza.... blasted one note- what are you doing?"

>Ah'm improvisin'.

"What... what are thou doing with the rocks? And the wheels, and the- What the!?"

>This here's called country ingenuity!

"Did thou just make a machine out of branches and rocks!?.... How did... how!? WHY!?"

>Aaaand pour.

"Why are you-"

>You'll see... in three... two...

"...What the- why is there a shadow overhead?... It's getting faster... APPLEJACK LOOK OUT!"

With a THOOM! A blast went off right next to the unfazed alicon. In response, she merely held out the cup she had been holding.

A cup which was swiftly grabbed by a pair of cyan hooves.

'CIDER! SWEET, SWEET CIDER! You brought it back!'

>Just fer' you, Dash. Ain't mah' best, but it does the trick.

"...HOW!?"

>Cause, ya' ninny, Ah' got mah' own magic.... the magic of friendship!

"..."

'...'

>...

"..."

'...Ow.'

>Ain't that bad.

'Ow.... owwww...owwwwww'

"It hurts."

'Ow ow ow ow, ow, Applejack no-owowow'

"We feel so ashamed just to know thee."

'Owwwwwww.'

>...Ah' thought it was clever. Screw ya'll, Ah' stand by it.

'...I'm telling Eighteen and Pinkie you said that.'

>Please don't.

"..."

>Shut up.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________